A man was called in for an audit by the IRS. So, he asked his
accountant for advice on what to wear.
"Wear your worst clothing and an old pair of shoes. Let them think you
are a pauper," the accountant replied.
Then he asked his lawyer the same question, but got the opposite
advice: "Don't let them intimidate you. Wear your best suit and an
expensive tie."
Confused, the man went to his Minister, told him of the conflicting
advice, and asked him what he should do.
"Let me tell you a story," replied the Minister. A woman, about to be
married, asked her mother what to wear on her wedding night. Her
mother said, "Wear a heavy, long, flannel nightgown that goes right up
to your neck and wool socks." But when she asked her best friend, she got
conflicting advice: "Wear your most sexy negligee, with a V-neck right
down to your navel."
The man protested: "But Reverend, what does all this have to do with
my problem with the IRS?"
"It doesn't matter what you wear; you're going to get screwed."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Barry returned from a doctor's visit one day and told his wife Carolyn
that the doctor said he only had 24 hours to live.
Wiping away her tears, he asked her to make love with him. Of course she
agreed and they made passionate love.
Six hours later, Barry went to her again, and said, "Honey, now I only
have 18 hours left to live. Maybe we could make love again ?"
Carolyn agreed and again they made love. Later, Barry was getting into
bed when he realized he now had only eight hours of life left. He
touched Carolyn's shoulder and said, "Honey? Please? Just one more time
before I die."
She agreed, then afterward she rolled over and fell asleep.
Barry, however, heard the clock ticking in his head, and he tossed and
turned until he was down to only four more hours. He tapped his wife
on the shoulder to wake her up.
"Honey, I only have four hours left ! Could we... ?"
His wife sat up abruptly, turned to him and said, "Listen Barry, I'm not
being funny ... but I have to get up in the morning and you don't.