MAKE ME LAUGH!

Old Reliable

Veteran Member
Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the
other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go
home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I
get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I
take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, get
undressed in the bathroom, stick my foot in the toilet and pee down my
leg to prevent splashing sounds. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes
up and yells at me for staying out so late!"

His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the
wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the
steps, throw my shoes in the closet, jump into bed, slap her on the ass
and shout, 'WHO'S HORNY?"... and she acts like she is asleep every time.
 

Old Reliable

Veteran Member
Atlanta Airport Air Traffic

You gotta love this one even if you've never lived in the South. Southerners can be so polite!

Overheard at Hartsfield International's Air Traffic Control (ATC):

Atlanta ATC: "Tower to Saudi Air 511 -- You are cleared to land eastbound on runway 9R

Saudi Air: "Thank you Atlanta ATC. Acknowledge cleared to land on infidel's runway 9R - Allah be Praised."

Atlanta ATC: "Tower to Iran Air 711 --You are cleared to land westbound on runway 9R."

Iran Air: "Thank you Atlanta ATC. We are cleared to land on infidel's runway 9R. - Allah is Great."
Pause...
Saudi Air: " ATLANTA ATC - ATLANTA ATC"

Atlanta ATC: "Go ahead Saudi Air 511.."

Saudi Air: "YOU HAVE CLEARED BOTH OUR AIRCRAFTS FOR THE SAME RUNWAY GOING IN OPPOSITE DIRECTIONS. WE ARE ON A COLLISION COURSE. INSTRUCTIONS, PLEASE."


Atlanta ATC: "Well bless your hearts.. And praise Jesus. Y'all be careful now and tell Allah "hey" for us --
 

Marie

Senior Member
A twitter post
Mom said:
My middle daughter yelled to me to come quickly, that my toilet was smoking. Perplexed, I ran to find this.



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