Old Reliable

Veteran Member

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it.

Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much.

I asked him what was wrong; he said, "Nothing." I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.

On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior. I don't know why he didn't say, "I love you, too."

When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV.

He continued to seem distant and absent.

Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. To my surprise, he responded to my caress, and we made love. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else.

He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I 'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.


Damn chainsaw quit on me today, but at least I got laid.....

Old Reliable

Veteran Member
last summer We had these texan ranchers come up to fishing club, All they talked about how everything is bigger in texas. He asked me if I owned any land here in quebec. I said yes I have a fifty acre lot with my house on it. He laughed at me and said" boy where I live I can get in my truck and drive all day and not see the other side of my property"

I replied " so I have a truck just like that"

Old Reliable

Veteran Member
I am passing this on to you because it definitely works, and we could
all use a little more calmness in our lives at this hectic time of year.
By following simple advice heard on the Dr. Phil show, you too can find
Inner peace.

Dr. Phil proclaimed, "The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all
the things you've started and never finished."

So, I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn't
finished, and before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a
Bottle of Merlot, a bottle of White Zinfandel, a bottle of Bailey's
Irish Cream, a bottle of Kahlua, a package of Oreos, the remainder of my
old Prozac prescription, the rest of the cheesecake, some Doritos and a
box of Russell Stovers Chocolates.

You have no idea how freaking good I feel

Old Reliable

Veteran Member
The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man
answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.

"We're sorry Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife,"
said one trooper. "Tell me! Did you find her?" Wilkens shouted.

The troopers looked at each other. One said, "We have some bad news, some
good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?"

Fearing the worst, an ashen Mr. Wilkens said, "Give me the bad news first."
The trooper said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your
wife's body in Kachemak Bay."

"Oh my God!" exclaimed Wilkens. Swallowing hard, he asked, "What's the good

The trooper continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty-five pound
king crabs and 6 good-size Dungeness crabs clinging to her."

Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, "If that's the good news, what's the great

The trooper said, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow

Old Reliable

Veteran Member
Tree Hugger with Splinters

A woman from Los Angeles , who was a tree
hugger and an anti-hunter, purchased a piece of timberland

There was a large tree on one of the highest points in
the tract. She wanted a good view of the natural
splendor of her land so she started to climb the big
tree. As she neared the top she encountered a spotted
owl that attacked her.

In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the tree
to the ground and got many splinters in her crotch. In
considerable pain, she hurried to the nearest doctor.
She told him she was an environmentalist and an
anti-hunter and how she came to get all the
splinters. The doctor listened to her story with great patience
and then told her to go into the examining room and he
would see if he could help her. She sat and waited
three hours before the doctor reappeared..

The angry woman demanded, "What took you so long?"

He smiled and then told her, "Well, I had to get
permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the
Forest Service and the Bureau of Land Management
before I could remove old-growth timber from a
recreational area. I'm sorry, but they turned me

Old Reliable

Veteran Member
Confessions of a Democrat

I voted Democrat because I love the fact that I can now marry whatever I
want. And...I've decided to marry my cat.

I voted Democrat because I believe oil companies' profits of 4% on a
gallon of gas are obscene, but the government taxing the same gallon of
gas at 15% isn't.

I voted Democrat because I believe the government will do a better job of
spending the money I earn than I would.

I voted Democrat because freedom of speech is fine as long as nobody is
offended by it.

I voted Democrat because when we pull out of Iraq, I trust that the bad
guys will stop what they're doing, because they now think we're good

I voted Democrat because I'm way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I
know that my local police are all I need to protect me from murderers and

I voted Democrat because I believe that people who can't tell us if it
will rain on Friday can tell us that the polar ice caps will melt away in
ten years if I don't start driving a Prius.

I voted Democrat because I'm not concerned about the slaughter of millions
of babies so long as we keep all death row inmates alive.

I voted Democrat because I believe that business should not be allowed to
make profits for themselves. They need to break even and give the rest
away to the government for redistribution as THEY see fit.

I voted Democrat because I believe liberal judges need to rewrite The
Constitution every few days to suit some fringe kooks who would never get
their agendas past the voters.

I voted Democrat because my head is so firmly planted up my ass that it is
unlikely that I'll ever have another point of view.

"A Liberal is a person who will give away everything they don't own."

Old Reliable

Veteran Member

( You might need a piece of paper and a pencil to record your answers.)

1. In the 1950s, if you had a flat rear tire, you often had
to remove the?
A. Necker knob
B. Curb feeler
C. Fender skirt

2. What color flash bulbs did Dad use for color film?
A. Blue
B. Pink
C. Plaid

3. What was the parking brake called when you were a kid?
A. Emergency brake
B. Pull Stop
C. Breaker. Breaker.

4. Way before Air Jordan, what was a kids shoe of choice?
A. Buster Brown
B. PF Flyers
C. Old Stinkers

5. In what year did Dewey Defeat Truman according to the Chicago Tribune?
A. 1946
B. 1948
C. 1952

6.. Before the Orkin Man, what technology was part of most
home bug deterrence?
A. Shoe Fly
B. Fly paper
C. 50 mm Phlit gun

7. Dixie cups had what printed on their tops?
A. Secret decoders
B. Movie stars
C. WW II propaganda slogans

8. What was the prevailing method of birth control in the
A. Heavy lifting and cold showers
B. Fear
C. Girdles and crinoline petticoats

9. Jimmy Durante said what at the end of every show?
A. Aloha, my friends.
B. Good night, Mrs. Calabash, wherever you are.
C. Remember, wherever you go, my nose will get there first.

10. Popeye the sailor man; Popeye the sailor man.I'm strong to the finish, _ _ _ _ _ , Popeye the sailor man.
A. Cause I eats me spinach
B. My dad was big and Finnish
C. The music a bit finnish?

11. In the quaint greasy spoon jargon of yore, What did knock the horns off one, and drag it through the garden mean?
A. 86 the customer, then kick him out the back door
B. Rare hamburger or steak with tomato and lettuce
C. Cooties

12. Lincoln Logs were for what use?
A. A diary of the presidency
B. Keep track of fat cats who sleep in the Lincoln Bedroom
C Building toy structures

13. Ward and June bring what to mind?
A. A popular TV series called Leave it to Beaver
B. A Chicago family of butchers and knife sharpeners called
The Cleavers
C. Inventors of the clicker, Jack Ward and Ernest June

14. Cops and Robbers, Cowboys and Indians, and Zorro are all forms of what?
A. Alcoholic beverages
B. Capitalism
C. Children's play

15. What was the cheapest way to turn a bicycle into a motorcycle?
A. Baseball cards in the spokes
B. Rig an electric motor with a very long cord
C. Turning left into the path of a Harley

16. Tinker toys date back to when?
A. 1914
B. 1949
C. 1967

17. In grade school, what was the worst thing that could
happen to you when being picked for a team?
A. Getting picked last
B. Getting your uniform dirty
C. Not having the team tattoo

18. If we dared to swear and our parents heard us, We immediately found out what _ _ _ tasted like.
A. Meatballs
B. Soap
C. Sarsaparilla

19. What was one thing the Lone Ranger and Roy Rogers would never do?
A. Kill someone
B. Shot a squirrel
C. Eat lima beans

20. What convertible offered an optional radio that automatically increased its volume as the car accelerated?
A. 1912 Franklin
B. 1943 Jeep
C. 1957 Ford Thunderbird

Old Reliable

Veteran Member
Know what the bill of rights is? Know what they say? What they mean? Right here!

Everyone has heard of them, but do they know what they are? Do they know what they say? What they mean? We break em down for ya! This is sort of America 101 and the best part is that they apply to every citizen and they are what the government cannot do to you! That's right, what they cannot do to you! I would always recommend that a person go and read them for themselves but hey, we do it verbatim here and we have pop-ups and hufflepuff magic in video form to make it a bit more entertaining!

Run Time 11:54 M


Old Reliable

Veteran Member
As I was driving home the other day I saw a pickup parked on the side of the road and beside it had a large sigh that read, "Lobster Tail $5.00". Wow that's cheap so I whip around and made a U-turn, parked and paid $5.

The man takes my fiver and said, "Once upon a time there was this Lobster..

Old Reliable

Veteran Member
A dog was resting in a campground and an RVer was reading nearby on a lawn chair. “Excuse me, sir, but does your dog bite?” a recently arrived camper asked. The RVer looked up over his newspaper and replied, “Nope.” Yet when the camper approached the animal, it began snarling and growling, and then attacked his legs. After pulling away from the crazed animal, he yelled, “I thought you said your dog didn’t bite!” The RVer muttered, “Ain’t my dog.”

Old Reliable

Veteran Member
After being laid off from five different jobs in four months, Joe was hired by a warehouse.

One day he lost control of a forklift and drove it off the loading dock.

Surveying the damage, the owner shook his head and said he'd have to withhold 10 percent of Joe's wages to pay for the repairs.

"How much will it cost?" asked my Joe.

"About $5,500" said the owner.

"What a relief!" exclaimed Joe. "I've finally got job security!"

Old Reliable

Veteran Member
A golfer hindered by the inability to hear or speak walked up to a foursome ready to tee off on #1 hole.
He handed one of the men a note that stated that he was playing as a single and asked if could he play thru. The jerk chastised him and rudely told him no.
As the foursome approached the first green the jerk caught one in the back of the head and angrily spun around to see the single player holding up 4 fingers.