I’m in a group of suicide widows on Facebook. Those ladies saved my life. Like you said, I wouldn’t have survived without them.Grieving a suicide is very different than grieving a more "traditional" death. You will indeed be changed forever.
I lost my significant other to suicide six years ago and I am no longer who I was. Shortly thereafter I'd found this suicide survivors support web site and I honestly don't think I'd still be here without them. Lifting you up in prayer.