Story Moon Base Ozark


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Captain Al during rigorous preflight training for Moon Base Ozark.

Captain Al’s Log
Kung Fu Flu Day One

Commander Gary
Second in Command Janet
Science Officer Douglas
Commodore Allen (ret)
Captain Alan

Canine Corp
Bessie-senior canine
Babe-junior canine
Cammo-freshman canine

These brave men, women an Dogs have established permanent residence at Moon Base Ozark. USA! USA! USA!

All contact with any aliens will be avoided unless an extravehicular activity is required so they can get their paychecks from the intergalactic banking system on planet Ava.

Vigilance by the canine Corp will be continuous during the overnight hours of the mission as our brave crew tries to get their rest. Wuhan the Merciless (hat tip to Flash Gordon) is not to be trusted and will be Whooo Whooo Whooo’d away if he even attempts to approach Moon Base Ozark.


“Rats, foiled again by those infernal dogs!”

We wish our crew well as they embark upon their mission.

Further updates wii be provided as events warrant.

Stay tuned...same Bat Station...Same Bat Channel.

Captain Al out.


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Captain Al’s Log
Kung Fu Flu Day Two
(Whew, say that fast three times in a row!)

Our intrepid crew continues to assess the Moon Base Ozarks supplies. A scheduled extravehicular activity to planet Ava was successfully undertaken today by science officer Doug and Second in Command Janet (seen below).


Another extravehicular activity to planet Ava is planned for tomorrow by Commander Gary and myself to visit the intergalactic community health center for me to receive two shots that I should have had before I embarked on this mission. As you can see I am none too pleased.


But there is no I in TEAM so I will do my part for the good of Moon Base Ozark.

On a side note here’s me clowning around with Moon Base Ozarks backup crew member Karen during a break in our grueling training schedule prior to our mission:


Meanwhile, Wuhan the Merciless continues his daily assault on America.


“Can I interest you in some Bat Soup with a side order fried Pangolin fingers you capitalist yay-hoo red hat wearing Trump supporters?”

Uh, NO you can’t. Only Chinese people eat that kind of road kill and Bush meat.

Wuhan the Merciless (can I call you Wu for short?) Moon Base Ozark says Bring it on! We are preparing, we are unafraid and we will defeat you and steal every single roll of toilet paper from your planet! You Doubt me, Wu? Just watch the news on TV. The Mr. Whipple brigade has already been activated and is out in full force.

No toilet paper on your planet? Have an intergalactic double bean burrito with extra cheese and onion soup while we have all your toilet paper.

Whose Merciless now Wu?

Further updates from Moon Base Ozark will be issued as events warrant.

Captain Al out.



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Captain Al’s log
Kung Fu Flu Day 3

Our intrepid crew had a very busy and successful day today. Two separate extravehicular activities (EVAs) involving 4 different crew members. First Commander Gary piloted a trip to planet Ava with Captain Al along for the ride. Here’s a pic of Commander Gary doing some very serious piloting approaching planet Ava. Truly a steely eyed missleman if there ever was one! He oozes Grit...


The purpose of the trip was to get me an inoculation against the Andromeda Strain Pee-Knew-Monia virus. Here I’m relaxing on the way back to Moon Base Ozark after enjoying my sausage egg and cheese biscuit (except without the egg and cheese).


The second successful and harrowing resupply journey was undertaken by Science Officer Doug and Admiral Allen to planet Gainesville. It was a quick trip and when they returned I asked Science Officer Doug, “How was your trip?”.


His one word reply was, “Interesting.”

But the really big news of the day can finally be revealed! Moon Base Ozark backup crew member Lt. Karen has successfully landed on planet Cotopaxi at the far edge of the known universe! Her 5 year mission (yeah right, we Moon Base Ozarkians know she’s never coming back) is to establish alien contact with the Wassahatchie tribe on planet Cotopaxi and to discover other friendly (hopefully) life forms.

Only known photo of the Cotopaxi Wassahatchie shown below.


They apparently are advanced enough to have developed their own interstellar Uber service which Lt. Karen calls the “Cotopaxi Wassahatchie Taxi”.

Her first contact upon arrival was with an alien named “Dave”.


We wish her a lot of luck with that guy! He’s got “Intergalactic Toilet paper hoarder” of the first degree written all over his golden alien face! And sure “Dave”, we all believe that’s real gold and not just paint. Come on man, we’re Moon Base Ozarkians not the Dave Clark Five of Intergalactic Imbiciles! Geez, go out behind a space rock and use some of that hoarded toilet paper. You look like constipated gold fish about to go Supernova!

Finally, back at Moon Base Ozark Science Officer Doug gave us all a lesson in interstellar sign language in case we have a communications failure. He stressed that is was of utmost importance we all learn this like the back of our hands so we could send this message to Earth in case of a life threatening dire emergency should arise in the future.




We all passed with flying colors! When asked what important interstellar sign language message that we all had just learned, Science Officer Doug replied. “It means declare an emergency, we are out of toilet paper”.

Further updates from Moon Base Ozark and Planet Cotopaxi will be issued as events warrant.

Sleep tight tonight Wuhan the Merciless...we are coming for you Wu and your little dog too very soon!


Captain Al out.

Sent from my iPad


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lol--- cant take credit for this, a friend started writing this out of frustration over all this virus stuff. i thought it was funny and others might get a laugh too.


No Surrender, No Defeat!
Warning! Warning! Warning! (Klaxon horns wailing in the background)

Wuhan alert proximity nearing (44 year old Female verified Howell County)

Wooo Wooo Wooo "Dive, Dive, Dive. Depth charges incoming"



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Moon Base Ozark (MBO) Update


Captain Al’s Log
Kung Fu Flu Day Four

A relatively quiet day here at MBO. I munched on my banana rations, SIC Janet

made preparations for tonight’s forecast of severe H2O2 storms and Commander Gary spent the day recharging on grit since he apparently oozed a little too much grit yesterday.

Ambassador AJ used the down time wisely and completed checking out the rocket pack as an alternate use to visit the planet Ava’s Wal Mart for resupplies.

Ambassador AJ took it for a short flight around the pattern in a demonstration of Operation “Hot Seat”.


He reported that the flight was fun but it sure heated up his exhaust port, to which Science Officer Doug offered a one word response...


The helmet provides anonymity against recognition during any MBO crew visit to Wal Mart since the planet Ava aliens are ugly, smelly and rude...the last thing we want is these aliens following us back to MBO.

Planet Ava’s WalMart Toilet Paper Salesman (smells bad, looks bad and is very rude!)

Dude, make your face Great Again by like...oh I don’t know...maybe starting all over again! You make Hillary Clinton look like an intergalactic fashion model. I can drop a pizza on the floor and it would look better than what you got going on above the shoulders.

Stop the presses...Just in from Lt. Karen on planet Cotopaxi...


The alien “Dave” is back and no longer appears to be constipated. It seems like the trip behind the space rock agreed with him and Lt. Karen reports that he appears to be smiling instead of grimacing.
“One small step behind a space rock by an alien, one giant leap for mankind.”

She also reports making contact with Hughy, Dewey and Lewy from the Alien Duck Tribe.


They are willing to reveal alien Dave’s location of his massive toilet paper reserves in exchange for US Visas. Seems Hughy wants an antenna bob, Dewey wants an eyebrow drop and Lewey want to work on the Joe Biden 2020 campaign.

Captain Al out.


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Greetings from your intrepidly brave crew on the front lines as we vigorously defend planet Earth fro Wuhan the Merciless. Yesterday we seem to have mysteriously lost communications after receiving an anonymous interstellar message from parts unknown that alcohol delivery by satellite was available (thanks Lt. Karen!) Once the delivery was made at MBO it was party on and no one seemed to care enough to flip the radio switch to ON.




it seems planet Cotopaxi is trying to signal MBO..Go ahead Lt. Karen...
Uh oh seems that she’s once again made contact with the alien “Dave”

And he’s brought along his little friend interplanetary Elvis and his band of solar system fans...

We’re caught in a trap...(next time try talking to your barber without pissing him off)

We can’t go on together...(yeah not with your blob face, blob face)


With suspicious minds...(uh with a face like that no one is thinking a dam thing about what’s on your mind, pal)

Caught in a trap...(like you should be, like an alligator trap...with a face that ugly those Louisiana gators are gonna love you!


Uh, Lt. Karen with alien friends like that it’s nothing more than Danger Danger Danger!


MBO to Planet Cotopaxi! Get to the chopper and get the hell out of there now!


Get to the off planet and get to the Cotopaxi station and wait for further instructions!


Captain Al out.

Thank you very much.


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1585766592118.png this microphone on? Hello, hello...can you hear me now? Mary had a little lamb...

People of Earth...

This is Wuhan the Benevolent!
(Uh boss, that doesn’t sound sinister enough)

This is Wuhan the Belligerent!
(Better boss but not terrifying enough)

This is Wuhan the Magnificent!
(Good boss but you want to come across as the terror of the universe not a member of some gay fashion show)

Okay, I got it...
This is Wuhan the Merciless!

People of Earth...Abandon all hope...I Wuhan the Merciless have single handily destroyed Moon Base Ozark and Planet Cotopaxi in my quest for domination of the Universe!!!


Wuhan the Merciless, out!

Universal Press Release
3/21/20 08:52 am CDT
Office of Public Relations
Moon Base Ozark & Planet Cotopaxi Inc.

Subject: Wuhan the Delirious Stupid Statement (Go home Wu, you’ve hat one too many Cassiopeian Bat Soup Martinis)

Following is an official statement from Moon Base Ozark and Planet Cotopaxi Interstellar Attorney Vincent Gambini...

“Regarding Wuhan the Flatulent’s statement claiming the demise of Moon Base Ozark and Planet Cotopaxi...


Regular reports from our brave and intrepid crews scattered across the universe will resume shortly.


And to answer Wuhan the purveyor of the Kung Foo Flu, It is Moon Base Ozark and Planet Cotopaxi’s #1 job to save as many pathetic earthlings as possible. That’s who, Wu. Now shoo!


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It seems that Wuhan the Smelly attempted to deceive the entire universe by claiming he had destroyed MBO and Planet Cotopaxi causing a triple ripple in the space Time continuum. Didn’t work did it Wuhan the Irritating, did it?

We’re on to you and your last known location Wuhan the Slippery and were coming after you...


Try as you might to escape in your 1930s spaceship...


It’s no match for our 1960s spaceship that will catch you! MBO is on the hunt to avenge Pathetic Earthlings all over the universe, uh well at least from planet Earth since that’s where Earthlings reside.

Now let’s check in with Planet Cotopaxi...MBO calling Lt. Karen, come in, over...MBO calling Lt. Karen, come in, over...(silence, static...)

Science Officer Doug: Uh, you know Captain Al you promoted her the other day from Lt. To Captain, don’t you?
Captain Al: Yeah, so?
Science Officer Doug: Well maybe she won’t answer to Lt. Anymore unless you call her Captain Karen.
Captain Al: Let me get this straight, Me just being a simple chimpanzee promotes her overnight and now she won’t answer the radio unless I address as Captain Karen?
Science Officer Doug: Yeah pretty much. After all she’s a woman...

Ookkaayy...Science Officer Doug.thats all yours...

MBO to CAPTAIN Karen, over...
Loud and clear MBO this is Captain Karen from planet Cotopaxi, go ahead...

How are things at Planet Cotopaxi? Wuhan the Annoying announced that he had obliterated us and you. Is everything okay?

Sure, no problems except Alien “Dave” keeps knocking on my airlock trying to introduce me to more of his friends.


Meet “Liz” (we would rather not) she claims to be related to Earthling Hillary Clinton (I can see the resemblance).

Next up in the interstellar parade of freaks is Fabioftheuniverse.


He smells as bad as he looks. Looks like Robert Mueller of Earth but with all the kindness and sympathy and honesty that Mueller doesn’t have.

Okay that it, I’m done. I’m locking my airlock for the night. I just released 200 cubic feet of Alien Dave Be Gone Spray so I can finally get a good nights sleep.


MBO: Captain Karen, Message received. Glad all is okay. We are shipping an additional 10,000 cubic feet of Alien Dave Be Gone Spray to help you sleep and to help stop our nightmares after meeting his alien friends night after night.

Captain Al, Out.


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Greetings from MBO my fellow Pathetic humans. All is quiet today but we are maintaining the utmost vigilance with extreme vigor as we await Wuhan the Imbecile’s next attack. Rest assured and sleep tight tonight fellow Pathetic humans that your intrepid and brave crew here at MBO is tanned, rested and ready to give ole Wu the heave ho the next time he rears his ugly head.


Wuhan the Imbecile’s rearing his ugly head.

Planet Cotopaxi Update from Captain Karen...come in Captain Karen...over...
Come in Captain Karen...over...(static, hiss)


Come in Captain Karen, this is MBO awaiting your report.
(More static and more hiss and more silence...)

“...I want to be a Commander...”

Hello, hello Planet Cotopaxi is that you, we’re having trouble reading you over all the interstellar static...

“...I want to be a Commander...”

Captain Karen, is that you? We are having a hard time deciphering your message...perhaps Wuhan the Idiot is jamming our communications...

Nope, I want to be a Commander, have my nails done every Tuesday and have my hair styled by the fabulous interstellar Gork twins every Wednesday.


...uh Captain Karen we seem to have severe communications problems and we are getting nothing but solar system nonsense across the wire. We suspect you have contracted an interstellar version of the Bat Foo Flu that is causing your hallucinations.

Take 2 aspirin and we’ll call you in the morning.

Captain Al out.


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Ha, Ha, death ray of ignorance and orb of confusion over the last 5 days has succeeded beyond my wildest dreams! No one cared or remembers Captain Al the chimp or Commander Karen. Ha, Ha, Ha! storm over...communications back to normal


I’m still here asshole...and so is Commander Karen.


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To Commander Karen:

Captain Al

Wuhan the irregular’s recent solar storm attack has disabled our flux capacitor but we’ve got the best repairman on planet Ozark working on it.


But it seems he’s having a little trouble...


Just had a knock on my airlock...standby...never mind it’s just my ex wife Melanie.


Seems she hasn’t aged very well.

Hey Wuhan the lonely and constipated have I got a chick for you! Her number is 867-5309


Ask for Jennie when she answers your interstellar call but her stage name is Melanie.

Have a great time together but when you wake up next to this...


You just might just think twice next time before you unleash your next solar storm against Planet Ozark and Planet Cotopaxi.

I got another ex wife with crazy eyes that’s just dying to meet you Kung Foo Flu.


Good luck with that,

Captain Al out.


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Greetings fellow puny Earthlings! Captain Al here to give you the latest update in our battles and ultimate victory against Wuhan the Incontinent from planet “OZ” (see what I did there? 3 less letters I have to type when typing more A...R...K).

I’m pleased to report that Robin Hood and his band of Merry Men from Planet Knottingham have joined our crusade against Wuhan the Gaseous!


Here brave sir Robin is shown testing the Wuhan-Be-Gone Death Ray of Vengance. Okay, it’s just a normal everyday death ray but if it makes the Knottinghamlings feel good we’ll play along. (Wink, wink, knod, knod).

Here at Planet OZ Second in Command (SIC) Janet has reported that her stupid chickens have mutated thanks to Wuhan the invincible’s (yeah right, cupcake) solar storm unleashed last week. SIC Janet reports that her mutated stupid chickens are now laying 18,530 eggs per day.


And now for an update from Commander Karen from Planet Cotopaxi...Come in Commander Karen...over...

Commander Karen here, yeah what do you want? I’m busy throwing a party for Alien Dave’s friends...want an update? Okay come join my misery...



This freakazoid. The spoiled Radish from planet Manure Pile.

Next up...

Blarney who’s always late to the St. Patrick’s day party. But at least he’s wearing green.

And finally here’s Vinny “pepperoni eyes above my real eyes” Gambisi what the hell is up with you? Your parents must be so proud of your acting skills. Just how many paint chips did you eat as a child? I’m guessing a lot!


Hey Karen, how about we all do the alien version of the chicken dance before we go home?


Go home chicken man, you’ve had way too much Romulun Ale plus you are just damned ugly so don’t darken my airlock ever again.

Commander Karen: Gotta go...closing the party down and double locking my airlock after this freak show thanks to Alien Dave.
Commander Karen out...


Ha, Ha, Ha...I’m still coming for you puny humans!

We’ll see about that..



Live Free & Die Free.... God Freedom Country....
Someone has way to much time and imagination....

And it is funny....



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thanks, hes been doingthis in lock down out of boredom, i thought he was pretty funny. glad you are enjhopying it.


Veteran Member
Someone has way to much time and imagination....

And it is funny....

I'm thinkin' there's some booze involved in there somewhere also...back in my day, drinking always allowed me to be a weirdo in soooooo many ways. But it is still funny, booze or not.


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no, im not from booger county--sorry you lost me.

by the way guys, im NOT the writer of this--its a friend who is bored out of his skull being creative.


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Greetings again from Moon Base Oz...Captain Al here


to update you all on today’s......(static...static...loss of communications)sssssssssssssssssssss

We interrupt your regular programming to bring you this special message from Wuhan the Terrible...


( Uh, Sorry boss Ivan’s got the copyrights to that name)
Okay, I’m Wuhan the Deplorable!
(Uh, sorry again boss Trumps supporters wear that as a badge of honor)
Okay, Okay, okay...I’m Wuhan the Miserable!
(Why yes you are boss...go ahead with your transmission)

I Wuhan the Terrible Miserable Deplorable have an announcement to make to all you puny humans on Planet Earth and on Moon Base Oz and Planet Cotopaxi.

Resist me at your peril. You have been warned and you failed to heed my intergalactic warnings and you continue to thwart my attempts at world domination. Now you will see the folly of your resistance!

I have kidnapped your Santa Claus!


I sent my ugliest aliens with lousy costumes and bad makeup to kidnap Santa...hey, even Solar System Warlords have a budget they have to follow.


Alien Sanchez: Hey Santa, give me one million dollars or your puny, spineless Earthlings won’t have Christmas this year!

Santa: (puffs on pipe) Really Sanchez, you look like an idiot that just rolled out of a dumpster after St. Patrick’s Day in New Orleans but your man boobs are fabulous...for an alien. And I go up and down chimneys for a living you moron.

You ain’t getting a million and Christmas is going to come no matter what...just ask the good folks from Whoville. Santa update tomorrow hint, hint he wins!


Wuhan here, back again in control...we’ll that was certainly an eye opening experience. I am Wuhan the Dammit I got the squirts again thanks to Vulcan Bat Soup so I’ll contact you puny humans later and threaten you puny humans again tomorrow cause I gotta go NOW.



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Greeting from Moon Base Oz from Captain Al..(munches on banana pellets)...The most extraordinary thing happened today and you ain’t gonna believe it! What happened was...

Sssssssssssss.....static........We interrupt your regularly scheduled update to bring you yet another (yawn) message from Wuhan the Tiresome...

Puny, spineless humans...I have another sternly worded message to instill fear and panic as I continue my quest to conquer your tiny, insignificant planets!

I am Wuhan...I am Wuhan...I am Wuhan!

(Uh boss, those lines are already taken by the Groot fella...and we don’t have enough money in the interstellar takeover budget to afford a talking raccoon to translate for you)

Okay, dammit. I am Wuhan the Negotiator!

(Uh boss, you don’t want to negotiate when you are trying to rule the universe)

Yeah, right. Okay, I am the Wuhan who has kidnapped your Santa Claus and who has taken away your Christmas celebrations forever...muhahahaha!

(Uh boss, Santa escaped last night and is back at the North Pole of tiny insignificant Earth but “the” Wuhan is a nice touch)

Escaped! No one escapes from Wuhan the Warden!

(Well he did boss, seems that the old, fat bearded Earthing knows a thing or two about magically visiting every child on Earth in 24 hours once a year and he goes up and down chimneys like a pulsar going supernova so yeah he’s gone)

That’s it! I am Wuhan the Merciless and it’s time to show my Merciless side...bring me the death ray of ignorance, the pistol of stupidity and the orb of confusion! Vengeance will be mine!


Static...hiss.more static...more hiss...and now Live from the North Pole...Santa Claus!


Hi folks, rest assured Christmas is coming this year despite Wuhan the interstellar assholes’ attempt to kidnap me. You can’t keep me away from Christmas any more than you can keep Christmas from coming!

Anyway, Wuhan the Gullible went straight to the top of the nasty list bypassing Hillary Clinton who reeks of 4 day old depends, corned beef and cabbage, and bean and onion soup.

Wuhan is going down and we all are coming out of all this nonsense better and stronger than before.

Love ya, Santa

Have a coke and a smoke and chill.

Sent from my iPad


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Greetings and salutations from ground zero here at Moon Base Oz during the Wuhan the Bat soup eating Warlord’s latest attack.

I’m a little ticked off today and have been flinging my monkey poo for the better part of this afternoon (and maybe a little this am before coffee). The reason why I’m poo flinging is that Wuhan the Merciless’ latest attack reduced our Moon Base-bandwidth and I can only post 3 pictures per update!

Unacceptable! (throws monkey poo low and fast just outside the batters box) Outrageous! (Monkey poo fastball) and Untenable! (monkey poo screwball that brushes back the batter). .

Only 3 pictures?

Okay Wuhan the Bandwidth Bandit from Betelgeuse here’s picture #1.


It’s your mom’s favorite baby picture of you little Wuhan the stinkiest pants in the galaxy.

Here’s #2, another of your Mom’s favorite. Here’s teen age Wuhan kidnapping a girl at ray gunpoint to go to the interstellar ball under the sea.


Great Scott! You were one fugly dude when born and you aged as well as cottage cheese left out on a summer porch during July on Mercury. (Nice touch though with the box of wine on your chest...what Earth girl could say no to that!) And that stupid alien look on your face. Were you born with that look or did you attend advanced courses in “How to look like an idiot on every Planet in the Universe”

Finally my last picture for the night since you solar winded Moon Base Oz with your latest “death ray of Bandwidth”. #3.


Here’s a picture of your parents climbing up Brokeback Mountain on Mars when you were just a gleam in your Dads eye, Wuhan the Merciless, ruler of the universe born on a dirt mound by two $4.23 costumed robots.

Good luck with ruling the universe with that on your resume, jackass.

I’ll be here all week, try the veal and remember to tip your waitresses!

Captain Al, out.

(where the hell did I leave my banana pellets)


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Wuhan the Merciless took the day off for a birthday------hes back now and as ornery as ever.*******************


Wuhan here...tap tap is this mic on...ahem the stand down order is hereby lifted. SIC Janet has enjoyed her day of peace, now it’s time as you puny humans say “pump up the volume”. And if it’s volume you want you’re gonna get all the volume you can handle as I redirect my death ray of over cooked meat loaf and burnt vegetable soup towards Noble, Missouri.


Captain Al: (Uh the meatloaf was great and the vegetable soup was the best ever. Maybe you should retourque your various death rays into some thing that actually works you pin headed, power grabbing intergalactic SOB.

See me know and hear me later...My 1930s robots and I


are resuming my attempt at interstellar domination of your worthless planets and I have your leaders Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer as hostages! I demand $100 for their safe return! Any takers...hello...hello can you hear me now? Can I get a bid of $90..$80...going once, going twice...(bang) sold the Chinese Government for $0.12.


Hiss...hiss ..Moon Base Oz here...Give us your best shot Wuhan...we’ve had our eye on you for quite some time.

Captain Al,



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Attention people of Earth...denizens of Planet Cotopaxi...and all you degenerates on Moon Base Oz.

Undoubtedly you have missed my nightly rants and raves on how I will first conquer and then destroy you puny humans wherever you infest the universe.

Sorry for the delay, but I seem to have come down the the Solar Systems version of the Rocking Pneumonia and the Boogie Woogie Flu and I’ve been a little under the weather. I haven’t felt this bad since my last trip to Uranus. “Cough...cough...wheeze...sneeze”.

Fortunately for me but not for you deplorable humans Mrs. Wuhan is nursing me back to health with all the Bat Soup I can handle. She’s a peach and quite the cook...Bat fritters, Bat Pie, Bat Donuts, Bat casserole, Bat name it and Mrs. Wuhan the Merciless is firing up the Cosmic kitchen 24/7 to nurse me back to health. Have Mercy! (Cough, cough...sneeze and reaches for a box of atomic tissues).

In the meantime while I am enjoying my Bat Soup I am temporarily delegating my conquest of the universe for the time being to the most evil fierce and terrible foe you puny humans will ever face...besides me...Marvin the Merciless!


Bwahahahahahahah! Fear me now and hear me later! Wuhan out.

Moon Base Oz here:
Okay Wuhan the Delirious, you’ve got us now! We tremble with fear and surrender to your evil Bugs Bunny cartoon character field commander. Not.

What’s next? You’re going to try and threaten us and try to close Fred Flintstone’s Drive in theater so he can’t take his family out for a rack of ribs and a movie? Wilma ain’t gonna be pleased, boy howdy don’t you know so Good luck with that Dear leader.


Yabba Dabba Wu!

Get well soon...not. Have an extra large heaping of Bat lasagna with red beans and Lice and Maggot flavored iced tea on us to help speed up your recovery.

Captain Al and Moon Base Oz, out.


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Greetings smelly Earthlings, Dirty Cotopaxians and flatulent Moon Base Ozians. I am Wuhl Brenner,


the official spokesperson for Wuhan the “I’m too sexy for my red Star Trek Shirt” who is still under the weather with the Wuh Flu so he’s advised me to make the following statement on his behalf while our fearless leader is “recovering”.

“Wuhan here, still sick as a Venusian three headed dog with herpes and a Plutonian weed burr stuck in my paw but Mrs. Wu ( I just love that green skinned 4 legged gal o’ mine) is still nursing me back to health supplying me with all the strychnine, rat poison, fish tank cleaner and fresh squeezed Pangolin juice I can handle.

I can’t thank you enough for all of your “Get well soon” cards I have received. One especially stood out from a Captain Al from parts unknown. It read, “ Get well in putrid, vainglorious amoeba brained delusional emperor of the universe wannabe shithead. All the best, Captain Al.”

Just reading it as it sits on my nightstand next to my death ray gun of vengeance


Brings a tear to my eyes...

Keep those cards and letters coming in folks!

Love ya all and I’ll conquer your worlds and destroy your civilizations later as soon as I feel better.

Oh my, here’s Mrs Wu with a Bat juice and Vodka cocktail with a twist of lime time to put on my Barry White 8 tracks and do The Wu hoo Flu kook kook a choo. Achoo. Cough...cough.

Wuhan the Unlikable ( but still lovable) Out.


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Wuhan here updating my plans for universal domination to all you hayseed Moon Base Ozians, you Pathetic Cotopaxians and you mindless Hillary! Supporting Earthlings. (Heck if you still support that boiled cabbage smelling shrew then you’ve already lost your ever loving minds which makes my job of conquering you much easier).

Gotta be honest, I am not in great shape. Therefore my plans for universal domination is on lockdown, quarantine and double secret probation for now.

By the oath of Grabthar, I haven’t felt this bad since the Witch Doctor on Pluto cursed me with his Plutonium dictate, “Wuhan you ugly m.....f... May you live in interesting times and may your prom date from Interstellar high show up on your doorstep with her lawyer and a child support order.

Fortunately there was a positive note for me today! My twin boys Wu and Han


showed up at my bedside to wish me to get better soon. What’s not to love, they’ve got my mustache at an early age and their mother’s tentacles. Don’t know about the black eye thingy going on but hey boys good to see you!

Uh Dad we have some bad news...your chef


Has run out of Bat Soup...would you like a fish tank cleaner cocktail with a twist of lemon until we can remedy the situation?

...static...static ... Moon Base Oz here...

Mr. Wuhan , You’re ugly, you're kids are ugly, your chef is ugly and I imagine your wife is as ugly as she hit every ugly stick when she fell out of the tree.

Love you, get well soon (not) Captain Al


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I am Wuhan the Merciless



To all you yellow bellied humans, you rotten fish smellyMoon Base Ozairians and you Cotopaxians that reek of piles of uburnt trash. It is I Wuhan the Insulter that will give you my latest update on my conquest to dominate the universe.

Not now, maybe later.

I ain’t feeling so good. Well here I am again (hat tip to human Dolly Parton) from my hospital bed at Mongo General. Geese Louise I can’t seem to get over the virus I picked up. I feel like the Backstreet Boys are dancing on my lower intestines while N’synch is ice skating on my 3 livers and the Macarena is hand flipping and hip posing all over my 18 heart valves.

Fortunately for me my nurse(s)? is giving me all the Bat Soup, eye of Newt crumpets and sand flea finger sandwiches I want.


Reminds me of my ex head focused on me and one head focused on my bank account..

Love ya, tip your waitress and I’ll be back next week.

Moon Base Oz...



Advocate Discernment

Captain Al at Moon Base Oz to Planet Cotopaxi and Earth...come in Planet Cotopaxi and Earth...over.

Cotopaxi here Moon Base...just finished burning our trash.

Earth here Moon Base...just finished scrubbing the yellow off our bellys. Go ahead Moon Base, over.

Moon Base here...yeah we all just got out of the portable lunar decontamination unit to remove our rotten fish smell...NOT. Are the rest of you as sick as we are of Wuhan the interstellar insulter? Over.

Planet Cotopaxi: Affirmative ...(off topic but could you send us a case of grey poupon? Alien Dave is down to his last package of Andromeda’s Best Angus foot longs).

Earth: That’s a big 10-4 good buddy. Time to fire up the Convoy and take this Merciless clown down a notch or three on the stratospherian scale...if you know what I mean and I think you do (And Hey there Cotopaxi, I hope Alien Dave doesn’t put catsup on his foot longs cause that’ll get him the death penalty under Romulan Edict 007 issued by princess Illhan the Omar from the shitstainian galaxy)...just sayin.

Moon Base: Uh...gee...uh okay copy grey poupon is on the way with no catsup for Alien Dave, we’re gonna need him around even if his fellow Cotopaxians find him annoying and flatulent even on his good days.

Moon Base: Okay troops back on topic and why I called you’s time for the final countdown to take out out Wuhan the Intergalactic imbecile once and for’s my plan...

Planet Cotopaxi: BREAK...BREAK.. MAYDAY MAYDAY MAYDAY...Alien Dave has gone rouge and has eaten the entire package of Andromeda’s Best foot longs...his flatulance is about to go Supernova!

Set phasers to stun, decontaminate and stink-be-gone and fire at his flatulence at will!!! Fire again...and’s not working...Captain Al, we’re giving it all we got...his flatulance is simply unworldly...


Thanks guys, since you lasered me with 8 Quatrillion units of stink-be-gone I feel better, I look fabulous but I still smell like 2 week old hot dog juice left out in the sunlight on grammas back porch during a Venusian summer heat wave.


Next time set phasers to Stink-be-gone at eleventy and fire at will until I smell like fresh rose petals on a summers eve after a thunderstorm ”.

Wuhan the Interruptor strikes even from his hospital bed on Mongo. Curses, gold foiled again.


Advocate Discernment
Wuhan room 8675309 at Mongo General still trying to recover from that nasty Osiris Virus I must have picked up on my last business trip to the Alien convention for World Dominators on Planet URLOSER SETI 3.O

Fortunately the hospital has Intergalactic cable and I’m able to watch some of my favorite movies:

Like the “Green Headed Creeps invade New York and Nobody Notices.” One of my faves, more atomic popcorn please Nurse Corona.

Another one of my favorite flicks, “ The Democrats Hold A Press Conference.” Good times...anybody have any crackerjack? I’m running low on my atomic popcorn!

And finally my all time favorite flick “The Atomic Cucumber from Hell meets Nancy Pelosi and Wins”.

Wu with the flu feeling blue. And I hope , smelly Earthlings and Body Odor Beyond belief Moon Base Ozians don’t take advantage of my weakened condition.

Sorry Wu, we’re on the way.

Captain Al and Moon Base Oz, out.


Advocate Discernment
Moon Base Oz to Planet Cotopaxi, come in Planet Cotopaxi, have you recovered from your flatulance emergency yet? over...

Cotopaxi here...Alien Dave has been banished to the outermost airlock #PU2U as he continues to outgas since he ate the whole package of Andromeda’s Best Angus foot longs.Seems he also downed 8 cans of our 4B rations ( Bush’s Best Baked Beans) at the same time so he’s in time out in the airlock but is in good spirits. That’s our Alien Dave...Gassy and Sassy as ever. Over.

Moon Base Oz:Ooohkkaaay Cotopaxi, too much information (TMI) when an “everything is A-OK” would suffice but...holy moly! Did we hear you right? 8 freaking cans of 4B rations at one sitting?


Great Scott! Heck, he’ll emit enough methane to power the Far Advanced Rigel Telescope (FART) for forty years!

We Suggest you throw into the airlock a bottle of Beano, Pepto Bismol a portable pure oxygen bottle, a case of Charmin (The Mr. Whipple “don’t squeeze me you pervert” commemorative rolls) and a copy of “War and Peace” to help Gassy and Sassy pass the time until his outgassing is complete ...and then padlock the airlock for your own safety...over.

Cotopaxi: Copy the padlock on the airlock, already done. As well as duct tape, gorilla glue, Elmer’s and couple of Chinese welders for good measure. Over.

Moon Base Oz: Roger that. Good to hear Cotopaxi. We’ve lost contact with Earth for the time being. We suspect Wuhan the Sick as a Dog Faced Pony Soldier has deployed his patented Biden ray of gibberish


towards Earth preventing any meaningful communications for now.

We’ve got our best communications technician Buzz who specializes in the Infinity spectrum and the Beyond frequencies to overcome the Biden rays of gibberish as well as any hidden Hunter Biden cocaine fueled orbs of confusion that might also be aimed at Earth.


Buzz is on it. So we hope to establish normal communications with Earth shortly.

Until then we will temporarily place our battle plans to defeat Wuhan the Puny (there I said it) until we can get together to finally take out Wuhan the Pelosian mud tick infected tentacle grabber.

Captain Al, Moon Base Oz...out.


Advocate Discernment
Wuhan here...hope everyone is having another great quarantine and lockdown and bankruptcy weekend thanks to little old diabolical me...Bwhahahaha!

Well movie night with nurse Corona didn’t go so well the other night. Seems her interstellar proctologist husband of hers took umbrage with my incessant and unrelenting tentacle grabbing (hat tip to Joe Biden the earthling ) and he took my chart and prescribed hourly boric acid enemas by newly hired intern Klaatu Barada Nikto...and let me tell you folks boy howdy is that boys aim is off! He can’t tell Wuhans ass from Wuhans purty mouth. Fish tank cleaner with a lemon slice is one thing but boric acid down the hatch without a lime is simply uncivilized unbecoming of my status as Wuhan the Merciless and Destroyer of Worlds.

But enough about me, let’s talk about me. So tonight I’m all alone and if I can’t conquer worlds, grab tentacles during sexy time or destroy civilizations I might as well sit back, relax, put my tray table up and see what’s on the Tee Vee.

Channel 1957: Happy Days:
Great! Must be the story of my birth and my ascendency to ruler of the universe. Wait, what? It’s about some guys named Potsie, Ralph Malph and a greaseball named Fonzie? Leave it to Earthlings to screw everything up for me. Nope.

Channel 1958: Laverne and Shirley:
Tuned in and not only did I NOT get Laverne and Shirley all I got was a couple of mouth breathing morons named Lenny and Squiggy. Click...

Channel 27: The Dick Van Dyke Show:
The what in the heck van what show? Hey, I am a cruel and unforgiving despot and destroyer of worlds not an intergalactic pervert.

Okay so once again nothing’s on Tee Vee. Let me wipe off the remote (again) and select movies...let’s see...

Channel 000 click click click..................

Channel 7oo


Nah, if I wanted to watch a flick about Brain Eaters I’d just join the Democratic Party and watch Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer’s press conferences on CSPAN.

Channel 7oo

View attachment 194135

Geese Louise, I really don’t want to relive my high school days with my first girlfriend. Even Producer Alex Zugsmith can’t help change high school history. Click...

Channel L-1011


Wuhan the Earth Targeter! Now that’s what I’m talking about! Woo hoo for Wuhan can I get me a amen...anybody...anybody? Start the flick, pass the popcorn and send any lonely tentacle bearing intern aliens to my room.

Your darned right my target is Earth and Moon Base Oz and Planet Cotopaxi. You have been warned and you puny Earthlings and smelly Cotopaxian an Ozarkian Hillbillies and I will now finally tell you how I will destroy you all once and for all, first I will...

(Knock Knock)

Uh, Gotta go now, seems like my lonely tentacled intern that has lost that loving feeling has arrived so I can bring back her loving feelings. So for tonight, it’s all good. I’m gone, gone, gone. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Love ya, miss ya and I’ll annihilate you later.

Wuhan, out.
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Advocate Discernment
Moon Base Oz to Planet Cotopaxi...over...
Planet Cotopaxi here over..

We have some major plans to overthrow Wuhan and its way past time we put them into action. We still have no contact with Earth due to the Biden rays Of imbecility that Wuhan the Chairman of the Democratic
National Committee on Mongo is aiming at Earth.

P.S. uh, by the way no more hot dogs for Alien Dave for the time being, okay. While we all sympathize with his continued and yet unexplained tremendous amount of his outgassing in his isolated airlock (which you’re probably gonna wanna bulldoze if and when he gets out)

Folks, We are about to launch a major and decisive attack to take out Wuhan once and for all. We need all hands on deck and we don’t Alien Dave sitting in his airlock counting his rolls of toilet paper and smelling fresh Potpourri off the top of the little basket Mrs. Alien Dave put there so he could discover himself is sad enough. The fact that when the airlock toilet seat is closed we hear from a distance ...“where have all the flowers gone”. Man up for once will you. And then there’s you in your cheap golden headed loser costume who has the cheapest makeup available on Venice Beach that screams I’ll never work in Hollywood ever again.


And you never did, did you? But enough about Alien Dave.

We are assembling our attack fleet...


I Captain Al will be lead the most sophisticated and up to date attack spacecraft 1937 ever envisioned.


PIC Gary will be lead Two..only after he has his breakfast of goatmeal , Bearmush and orange slices...don’t don’t wanna know.

Static...static...The setzle winds (hat tip to Airport) and the Biden Singurlarity of Incompetence is overwhelming our communications...can’t...finish... my ... last message... must I ...can’t...act...worth ...a shit... Shatner...I mean Kirk... out.


Advocate Discernment
Moon Base Oz to Planet Cotopaxi come in, over...we have a very important top secret briefing to discuss to finally take out Wuhan the Distasteful. Over...

Planet Cotopaxi here... at least we are for now. We’re currently under a rouge alien is on the loose lockdown. Seems that Alien Dave has escaped his airlock quarantine, and security has reported he has already downed 2 packs of spiced lunar habanero hot dogs and 6 cans of 4B rations and is reported aimlessly roaming the Cotopaxi corridors emitting god knows what kind of vile alien vapors of destruction with his every step. Over...

Okay Cotopaxi you obviously he a lot of drama going on. We suggest you lock down all of your sauerkraut and boiled cabbage rations to prevent Alien Dave from going thermonuclear. You might try baiting an empty airlock with Maalox, Tums and Intestinal Gas-Be-Gone tablets to lure that golden headed Old Faithful of Alien flatulence into the airlock. If he takes the bait call in the Chinese welders. Problem solved.

While we know it’s Probably not the best time to coordinate battle plans. But Let me throw out a couple of tidbits of the interstellar intelligence we’ve come, across...while we still have good communications ( we still can’t contact Earth so it looks likes it up to just us to bring Wuhan down once and for all).

Okay, here’s what we’ve got so far. Meet Special Agent Clyde...


Wuhan’s chief of security is an ape with a space helmet known as “Clyde”. Let that sink in for a ape with a space helmet. No ray gun of doom, no death ray of terror or billy club of simian justice, just some stupid ape named Clyde. He likes Star Trek conventions, “Jupiter has Talent” reruns and Clint Eastwood movies. He is known to hang out by the banana pellet vending machine down the hall from Wuhans hospital room. He is not armed but is considered extremely dangerous and is accurate at poo flinging...but only if his $1.34 plastic space helmet isn’t fogged up.

Next. Meet Special Agent Herman the One Eyed German...


This freakazoid is Wuhans number two in charge of his security. (Geez this is going to be easier than we thought!). Herman is known to frequent Oktoberfest celebrations on comet Adolph, likes to hang out with sexy optometrists from Orion and loves him a double Visine and lime cocktail (shaken like a Vulcan earthquake and not stirred). He is considered not armed and not dangerous but you don’t want to get within his 6 foot social distancing orb of confusion...he just might poke your eye out.

That’s all the intelligence we have so far Cotopaxi. Battle plan briefing #2 is scheduled for tomorrow. But I’ll give you a preview ..

Space Station Goatmeal...plays a major role. Nuff said.


Captain Al....out.


Advocate Discernment
i remember the old space alien movies that scared the crap out of me when i was a kid and the scary stupid costumes.

Klaatu barada nikto


Advocate Discernment
Wuhan the Merciless here...Boy howdy am I feeling better. My multi tentacled nurse Corona ( talk about intergalactic bazoonga’s six ways to next Sunday that will bring you back to health) says I’ll be discharged tomorrow so I can continue my attempt to overthrow and pillage the universe.


I can’t thank you all enough for all of the get well cards. My favorite one today reads, “ Dear Wuhan, I hope you die a miserable death and that you suffer like a Pelosian wart hog stuck in a Venusian radium bog. Love, your son, Wuhan the younger.”

My kid, gotta love the little Neptunium little tyke.

The little darling time to send me a card when he is three knees deep and up to his four elbows and six eyes busier than heck as President of the “Aliens for Hillary! fan club. And the phones...and radar domes and telepathic thoughts across the universe remain...silent. It’s almost as if that not only Earthlings despise the spoiled cabbage smelling shrew but the entire galaxy does as well.


I am Wuhan and I’m back and Im as Merciless as ever!


Well Wuhan, Clyde and Herman the German and Hillary!...Hold my beer...


It ain’t the Pathetic Earthlings you need to worry about Wuhan...and you ain’t gonna like the final outcome. Love ya, see you soon...

Captain Al...out.


Advocate Discernment
Moon Base Oz to Planet Cotopaxi...come in Cotopaxi, over...

Cotopaxi here...just got done bulldozing one airlock and welding another permanently shut...excuse me for one second...

( thanks Chin Ho, Sum Ting Wong, Wei Too Low and Hop Sing, great welding job guys. Nice touch there throwing the bag of hot dog flavored fortune cookies into the airlock to trap Alien Dave. Bwhahahaha! What an idiot! Kineshewa and Bones and Nachos ).

Okay, Cotopaxi is back...had to take care of my Chinese welders...they love me long time...go ahead with your update, over.

Okay Cotopaxi...Well we’ve got some Good news and some bad news for you.

First the bad news. Wuhan is back and he is meaner than a three headed tick infested Venusian wart hog with bad breath and a lisp. (Snorth...Snorth...)

Now for the good news. PIC Gary and I will fly our 1930s state of the art sparks and smoke belching space ships each carrying secret agents to take out Wuhan the irritable.

PIC Gary will Command Oz Force One and will have aboard none other than the one and only Flash Gordon! Hey Merciless, remember this guy? If you don’t, you soon will.


And I will pilot Oz Force Two and bring to the last roundup for Wuhan the most feared and menacing superhero of them all...the purple tighted 1960s Batman!


He strikes fear into the souls of bad guys everywhere and reeks of...well, how can I say it politely...BATS. But who better to help take down the father of the Bat Soup Flu other than the Batman!

Unfortunately Robin the Boy Wonder split his tights (cheap, made in China) while dancing to the Macarena with Batgirl in the Batcave (Holy Earworm Batman!) Since we can’t have Robin zooming around the universe without any pants, Batman is going to bring along agent J from Men in Black to form a new and improved Dynamic Duo of Doom. And agent J is wearing a black suit that includes pants and not tights.

PIC Gary and I with our dream team of Truth, Justice and the American way will rendezvous at space station Goatmeal and join our forces to begin the final countdown (Holy earworm, Batman!) to once and for all take out Wuhan the belligerent.

When we’re done with him we’ll make he will wish he was back in his hospital bed in Mongo General drinking fish tank cleaner Mojitos, munching on Pelosian stink bugs and enjoying movie night sexy time with nurse Corona whispering sweet nothings to her tentacles during intermissions.


I can just see his intergalactic debauchery now...Nurse Corona, “Oh Wuhan, you sure know how to pick the flicks to get the chicks, don’t you, you dirty old Ruler of the Universe. Now whisper what you said to me last last time into this not that one this one right here.”

Wuhan the Petulant Planetary Pustule of Pain and his days of lockdowns, quarantines, social distancing and shortages of toilet paper that he has inflicted upon Planet Earth are about to be over.

Cotopaxi...your job is to keep Alien Dave locked up. Since he’s gone rouge (and putrid) we can’t take a chance of him escaping and joining forces with Wuhan. His weapons grade stench alone would be overwhelming and jeopardize our final victory over Wuhan. Just keep the gold headed freak locked up and NO MORE HOTDOGS and for goodness sakes wean him of the Bushs baked beans. Otherwise you’ll be looking at at a Event Horizon of flatulence that will make Chernobyl look like a kids birthday party at a Chuck e Cheese.

Also, you just might to want to prepare another airlock in the Gitmo wing of your facility just in case we have to drop off a very special visitor right after the Mother of all Interplanetary battles.

We blast off on Monday (Flash has a previous scheduled personal event on Sunday with Dale Arden and it doesn’t involve any social distancing if you know what I mean and I think you do ).

We will contact you upon our arrival at Space Station Goatmeal to finalize our battle plan...and then we will strike!

Captain Al, over and out.


Advocate Discernment
Moon Base Oz to Cotopaxi...come in, over.

Cotopaxi here, whaddaya want now? Oh yeah, now I’m supposed to say over...

Uh, gee for starters I just wanna to give you a final update before our launch tomorrow on our intergalactic takedown of the most ruthless, evil and smelly faux wanna be ruler of the universe.

So um, since you come across as somewhat irritable, cross and frankly I don’t like your tone We’ll just contact you later...after you watch the double feature of The Best of Svengooli of Eye Flixs on Netflix..



Yeah that’s right, we monitor what you watch, who you talk to and every site you visit on the internet. It’s just a 2020 kind of thing that the FBI taught us in Moon Base training while we sat through a seminar titled, “How Best to Tend to Your Garden in the Gulag.”

But, just for you Cotopaxi, I’m going to go out on a Pelosian fruit Bat tree limb and still brief you while assuming you must be suffering from flatulent hypoxia due to a leak from Alien Dave’s airlock caused by slipshod Chinese welders who “love you long time” but can’t get a job done worth a damn.

Bottom line. Dr. Zharkov has completed all of our flight physicals and has cleared us for launch on Monday.


Here Dr. Zharkov is monitoring my heart rate during my physical and is totally amazed that someone my age could be in such great shape and handsome and as good looking as Dash Riprock.

Flash is ready. Gary is ready. Batman is ready. Captain Al an Agent J are ready. We are GO for launch!

Is Wuhan the Merciless ready for the fury, thunder and lightning about to rain down from the heavens on him and his Bat Flu Fu Manchu? We will see very...SOON.

Captain Al, over and out.

Sent from my iPad


Advocate Discernment
Moon Base Oz to planets Cotopaxi and Earth...welcome back Earth. Seems the Commander in Chief Donald J. Trump and the US Space Force scored its first victory by destroying the Biden brain melting Orb of confusion satellites sent by Wuhan the Decadent.


Great job, Mr. President and well done US Space Force. Victory will be ours!

Latest update Cotopaxi and Earth...Moon Base Oz is standing down from launch for a few days. Seems the flux capacitors on Oz Force One and Oz Force Two were made in China!


It’s gonna take Doc Brown a few days to retrofit our 1930s spaceships with a Mr. Fusion from the 1980s.

Static...static...more static..Batman here...

”All my bags are packed I’m ready to go. I’m standing here outside your door. I hate to wake you up to say goodbye. Cause I’m leaving on a rocket plane and don’t know when I’ll be back again. Oh babe, I hate to go.”

Static...static and more static...

okay Batman step away from the microphone. No more Cinco de Quattro margaritas for you. You either just proposed to Robin the Boy Wonder or told Alfred the butler he is your new “special” friend. Get a grip you are the Caped Crusader and we have a universe to save for goodness sakes!


Stay focused Cotopaxians, Earthlings and Moon Base Ozians. Wuhan the Merciless is Interstellar Enemy #1.

We are coming for him (as soon as we fix our spaceships), we will destroy him ( as soon as we can figure out how to do that) and we will in the end take out this Betelgeuseian pig snouted stain on humanity once and for all.

Oink, Oink...Wuhan. See you soon.

Captain Al...and friends...over and out.