“Paige, Sabine wanted you to know, her outburst was protective, not anger at anyone other than herself. She said she would try to explain some, if you would be willing to listen. That’s the reason she wants you to go with her.”
“I’ll listen. It was just so sudden. I didn’t see it coming. She has been acting strange since the attack. If you have a moment I have something to show you.” Paige took Amber to the master bedroom downstairs to see the imagery of Sabine in the Arms Room.
Amber was standing on the beach again staring out at the endless ocean.
She started to understand a few thing about Sabine as she saw the look in her eyes as she held the pistol out. It was as if she had done this before or wished she had done it. It was not Frickel she was shooting. She seen it before in rape victims, an attitude of ‘the ****er will never do that to me or someone I love again’. It is a kind of controlled rage. The person becomes cold, calculating and most of all, does not trust anyone, especially if she went through any kind of court trial. Sabine a rape victim?? Amber thought she might be putting a puzzle together but Sabine was nowhere near that simple. Damn! Silas share the pieces! She started thinking.
She saw the brutality of the attack on Paige as Paige was fast forwarding through it to get to the point she wanted Amber to see. Amber wasn’t sure if Paige realize how much she saw. It was enough to know Sabine was not the only one who needed help. She had to find a way to help them both. It was obviously each one was willing to kill or die for each other. Something so pure was a horrible thing to throw away.
Thirty minutes later, Paige and Sabine were in Paige’s Cherokee headed towards the base to pick up some supplies at the small commissary on base. Paige also wanted to swing by her shop to pick up some items. The incident last night had identified some shortcomings in preparations in Paige’s mind. Shortcomings she was prepared to fix.
Since Paige had already swapped out the original pistols issued to Sabine and herself with the Glocks, she figured to re-issue those to Veronica and Violet now, while they were here. She wasn’t sure when they would get back down here next and wanted them taken care of.
The drive started out quiet. Sabine sat in the passenger seat. She looked different to Paige. She normally exuded confidence. She was the rock of the group, unshakable, unflappable. This person beside her was withdrawn, embarrassed and unsure. The only person in their group who might have seen like her this before was Andrea. It was a long time ago, but Paige remembered Andrea telling her about the night she first brought Sabine home from the club. Then Sabine moved in. Andrea and Paige swore to never speak of it again to not embarrass her. This must be the person Andrea found in the bathroom. It was a startling change. She had to get Sabine back. She didn’t know this person. She wasn’t sure what to do but wait.
Finally, Sabine took a deep breath and started talking, slowly and quietly.
“Paige, I’m sorry about this morning.” Sabine seemed to stall, not sure where to go next.
“It’s ok, it’s just a door. The landlord was supposed to replace it anyway. I don’t know if the new one will, though. I’m still waiting to find out how much our rent is going to go up since the son sold the place. All I got was the change of ownership and the P.O. Box to send the rent checks to now.” Paige tried a little distraction to get Sabine to talk more on a safer topic.
Sabine told her not worry about it, she took care of it when she went to the barn. She had called and someone would be out that afternoon. It paid to own the house. With the diversionary tactic dealt with, Sabine built the courage to start the conversation.
Sabine took a deep breath, “ Andrea once told me Henrik never liked me and you guys had a fight when I moved in. He said something about you taking in stray puppies from the pound nobody else wanted because they had been beat by their previous owners. I was going to be trouble. He called me an ‘ice princess’. You and Andrea out voted him.”
All Paige could thing was Damn Henrik and Andrea! That roommate meeting was supposed to be private. She at least had a way to show Henrik thought differently now on a couple of those points.
Sabine continued while Paige listened trying to figure how this had anything to do with this morning. She want to ask but did not want to interrupt.
“I am happy you are getting married. I think Henrik is a good man and the two of are right for each other but………”
After a long pause to gather her thoughts she continued, “when you started talking about ‘doing anything’ it struck a bad chord. You sounded like someone I knew long ago. It seems like lifetimes ago. She promised she would do anything for someone. She tried to keep her promise even when things went horribly wrong. She had made a promise, though and she would not, could not release herself from the promise. She destroyed everything she was, everything she could have been, all to keep her word. It broke her body, it broke her mind and destroyed her soul. When they finally pushed her past the breaking point and she failed to keep her promise, it killed her.”
Sabine was openly crying now.
Paige didn’t know what to do, how to react. This was nowhere what she expected. She was looking for a turn-out so she could stop and help her friend. She wanted ask the questions going through her mind. Didn’t her friend see any signs. The texts books said there were always signs, the lectures said there were always signs, the TED talks said there were always signs. THERE ARE ALWAYS SIGNS. THIS PERSON SHOULD HAVE SEEN THE SIGNS.
Sabine was still talking. “I told myself I never wanted to watch someone else go through that ever again. I watched all of this happen and felt so helpless to do anything about it. Then I heard those same words said by you, with just as much cheer and hope as when she did, I had to lash out! I know you and Henrik aren’t like that, but it scared me to hear it again! I’ve seen the road that can lead to. I can’t watch it again. I won’t watch it again. I know you and Henrik would do almost anything for each other. I caution you to remember the ‘almost’ part. Even in love, you must be true to yourself. Do not lose yourself trying to please him. Do not expect him to lose himself to please you.”
Paige could feel the pain and anguish rolling off of Sabine in waves. She finally found a place to pull over.
“Oh, God, Sabine! I didn’t know! It was just an expression! I won’t. I will see the signs. There are always signs it is going down such a bad road. I promise you if I see a sign I will leave. I will call you. I will not let him hurt me. No man will hurt me again!!! Neither one of us belong to a cult that demands ultimate devotion and commitment.”
As the comment slipped out her mouth she remember once seeing a crucifix on Sabine’s neck. Andrea, God bless her! Without her, no information would flow in this house, told her Sabine was a conflicted Catholic. She thought it was just the homosexual thing. She wished she could retract the comment made in haste but words once said….
“It’s just an expression until it isn’t. For her it wasn’t. And the problem was, once done, it couldn’t be undone.” She almost screamed ’I didn’t see them until it was too late!’ but she caught herself at the last minute. She couldn’t stand the thought of it all being revealed, the pity faces, the walking on eggshells, the always guarded speech. Everyone looking at her as ‘poor little weak Sabine’.
Sabine just sat there, her face wet, her posture empty. She was wrung out. She had come up with this verbal sleight of hand to shift some of what she needed to convey. She was still uncomfortable with Silas knowing whatever he did, having to tell Paige some, not to mention Amber, the professional shrink now in the mix!
Paige took Sabine’s hands in her own.
“Sabine, you’re my friend. You were trying to protect me. Hell, I already know in my heart you would be willing to kill to protect me. I’m not going to throw something that powerful away over a raised voice and broken door. I need you here.” She paused to collect herself then continued.
“I’m sorry for the friend you lost, but I am not her. From the time I was young I was taught the signs to watch for.”
“As for the wedding, I decided young St. Peter or Paul which ever one it was who outlined those crazy rules of marriage ARE NOT INVITED TO MY WEDDING!!! God yes but we have to modernize those teachings. My brother, the Minister tried to explain them to me once but after a long talk he jokingly said God was going to bring back smiting just for me”
Paige in her innocence did not know what she had just said to Sabine. Sabine in her guilt was not sure either. It was going to take time to process.
“Even if I miss things I have you here to keep us on the straight and narrow. We will avoid such traps. We good?” Paige smiled and squeezed her hands. Sabine nodded, not trusting her voice.
“Good! Now, let’s get the stuff for the party and the stuff from the shop and get back to the house! We have eating, drinking and partying to do!”
Sabine softly replied.
“OK, but after you pick up the stuff at the shop, why don’t you head on back without me. I need to do some things at the office and collect myself some before I’m back in the crowd.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, I’m sure. Besides, the kitchen is only so big and Andrea was cooking some stuff. Later this evening, I can bake my part for the party tomorrow. I just need some time.”
Paige pulled back out and drove on down the road. She though Sabine sounded absolutely exhausted. She also knew better than to push the issue. Commissary, shop, and then back to the house. One of them would come back down and pick Sabine up in a little while. As she drove, Paige also now wondered if she did miss something about Henrik.