Heidi was at the table, books and notes strewn all over when Emilia came in and sat down.
“What’s up, kiddo?”
“I know you are studying, but can we talk?”
Emilia’s serious tone wasn’t what Heidi expected. Sure, she had a lot of studying to do, but this was obviously something important. “What’s on your mind?” She set her pencil down.
“When we were over at Bekka and Garen’s and went over everything that happened, it got me thinking.” Emilia paused.
“Yeah, thinking about what?” Heidi wasn’t sure where this was headed.
“Well, Angelique and I kinda went through really similar experiences. She was running away alone from the attack at the store and me running away when they attacked Noah and Lucas. Each of us only had what was in our pockets. I only had to hide and wait a couple hours for you to come find me. Angelique was on the run for days and headed to somewhere she didn’t even know. She already had a plan on how to survive for a couple weeks while she waited for her dad before she was going to try and find Garen’s” Emilia took a shuddering breath. This had been building up in her the past several days since they got back. Now it was hard to let it out.
“Me? I was hiding, too scared to even look at my watch. I had no idea what to do. No plan, no knowledge, no skills, no direction. I was too scared to even think about what to do if you didn’t come back! If….if they had got you, then I would have probably wandered back to the camp since I didn’t know not to. If they didn’t get me, I would have had nowhere to go, no ideas or anything!”
Heidi could see this was really getting her worked up. All of these things she had thought of back then as she was running down the trail to the campsite. She hoped she had put it far enough behind her and didn’t bring any of this up to Emilia then or since.
“Mom! Angelique is only a couple years older than me! Look at what she did, was able to do! Here I am, helpless! Dead weight! I was so ashamed and embarrassed! I can’t be like that! I can’t be that helpless person! I want to learn. I need to learn, to be more like Angelique!”
Heidi’s mind pulled up some other bits from the conversations at Christmas, bits and pieces Emilia may not have registered. How Angelique was scared and alone. How Angelique was fueled by rage and vengeance to grow up much too fast. Angelique fighting, killing and badly injured in the process.
Heidi and Doug had talked about all his worries and regrets about everything his daughter went through, about how angry he was at what they had done to her and forced her to become. Doug was sad and embarrassed his daughter was much better equipped mentally to be a fighter, a warrior in these times. Now Heidi was facing the same issues, but not in the rear view mirror. She was getting it real time, live as it happens.
“Emilia, I think I understand your problem, but I’m not sure of the right solution.” Heidi tried to buy time so her mind could work on the problem.
“I need to learn to be more like you and Garen and Bekka and Allyson and Kara.” At Kara’s name, Heidi’s hands twitched under the table. “Mom, Angelique proved it can be done, now I need to do it.”
Heidi knew she had two options; help her learn and try to guide the process or balk against it, in which case she will do it anyway and maybe not the best way, plus add resentment of herself on top of everything.
“Alright, Emilia, I guess it’s time for you to learn. I’ll get with Doug in the morning and we can start you with what Angelique started with. You need to learn woodcrafts and survival. First you learn to live, then you learn to fight. OK?”
Emilia came around the table. She had a big smile, her eyes wet with unshed tears. “Thanks Mom! I’ll learn and study hard. I promise I will. I won’t be useless! I’ll make you proud!” She wrapped her mom up in a tight embrace before bouncing away, back to her room. She was so busy she didn’t hear Heidi’s choking reply.
“I’m already proud of you!”