MAKE ME LAUGH!

Bps1691

Veteran Member
Just seen on Air Force One....

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Gots-ta take care of that handicapped demon-crat president...

Please Note This Is From SATIRE Site


Air Force One Now Equipped With Handicap Parking Pass

CAMP SPRINGS, MD—As Air Force One returned to Andrew’s Air Force Base Sunday, observers noted a small blue handicapped parking pass displayed in the window of the cockpit.


Press members in attendance also noted that the plane taxied off the runway before stopping in a handicap space in the parking lot. President Biden eventually exited the plane via a hydraulic lift rather than the traditional staircase.

White House press secretary Jen Psaki was asked if the new parking permit had anything to do with the President’s recent fall on the stairs of Air Force One.
“Absolutely not," Psaki said. “The President slipped because he was hit with a hurricane-force wind burst caused by global warming. There was also some, uh, fried chicken grease left over from the Trump administration that made the steps extra slippery.”

Psaki said the addition of the handicap parking pass was actually due to Biden’s exceptional physical condition. “President Biden is so fit and virile, his staff has trouble keeping up with him,” Psaki explained. “Using a lift slows him down a bit so his security detail has time to catch up.”

Psaki then noted that the President was given a precautionary physical after his fall and has been given a clean bill of health. “The President is in peak physical and mental health,” she said. “He will have no issues discharging the duties of his office for the remaining 3.5 months of his term.”



 

RememberGoliad

Contributing Member
A mathematician, a physicist and an engineer are each given $50 to measure the height of a building.
The mathematician buys a ruler and a sextant, and by determining the angle subtended by the building a certain distance away from the base, he establishes the height of the building.

The physicist buys a heavy ball and a stopwatch, climbs to the top of the building and drops the ball. By measuring the time it takes to hit the bottom, he establishes the height of the building.

The engineer puts $40 into his pocket. By slipping the doorman $10, he establishes the height of the building.
 

Old Reliable

Veteran Member
An elderly woman accidentally drops her fake teeth at the park while walking her dog. She can’t find the teeth anywhere.

A man spots her bending over and asks what she lost. “I dropped my false teeth somewhere around here.” “Oh,” the man says, “that’s no big deal. Here, try this pair on.” He hands her a set of teeth that are too big for her mouth. He hands her a second set of teeth that are too small. Finally, the third set fits just right.

“Thank you so much,” the woman says. “Do you have a business card? I’ve been looking for a good dentist!” “Oh, I’m not a dentist,” the man replies. “I’m an undertaker.
 

Old Reliable

Veteran Member
A wife, being the romantic sort, sent her husband a text: “If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you!”

The husband, typically non-romantic, replied: “I am on the toilet. Please advise.
 
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