You know you are a true Scot if...........


Contributing Member
You might just struggle with the following.

A little bit of humour to help you through the week

You know you are a true Scot if...........

1. Ye can properly pronounce McConnochie, Ecclefechan, Milngavie,
Sauchiehall St, St Enoch, Auchtermuchty and Aufurfuksake.

2. Ye actually like deep fried pizza frae the chippie.

3. Yer used tae four seasons in yin day.

4. Ye canna pass a chip/kebab shop withoot sleverin when yerblootert.

5. Ye kin fall about pished withoot spilling yer drink.

6. Ye see people wearin shell suits with burberry accessories - pure

7. Ye measure distance in minutes.

8. Ye kin understaun Rab C Nesbitt and know characters just like him,
yer ain family.

9. Ye go tae Saltcoats cos ye think it is like gaun tae the ocean.

10. Ye kin make hael sentences jist wae sweer wurds.

11. Ye know whit haggis is made ae and stull like eating it.

12. Somedy ye ken used a fitba schedule tae plan thur wedding day date.

13. You've been at a wedding and fitba scores are announced in the

14. Ye urny surprised tae find curries, pizzas, kebabs, fish n chips,
iron-bru, fags and nappies all in the yin shop.

15. Yer holiday home at the seaside has calor gas under it.

16. Ye know irn-bru is a hangover cure.

17. Ye learnt tae sweer afore ye learnt tae dae sums.

18. Ye actually understand this and yurr gonnae send it tae yer pals.

19. Finally, you are 100% Scot if you have ever said/heard these words;

how's it hingin
get it up ye
wee beasties
erse bandit
away an bile yer heid
humphey backit
baw bag
dubble nugget
Up yer Hoop!

And finally......

A wee Glesga wumman goes intae a butcher shop, where the butcher has
just came oot the freezer, and is standing haunds ahint his back, with
his erse aimed at an electric fire.
The wee wumman checks oot the display case then asks, "Is that yer
Ayrshire bacon?".
"Naw," replies the butcher. "It's jist ma haun's ah'm heatin".

16. Is spot on.

This may help


Senior Member
Hehe, love it! I don't have have experience with most of the things listed, but I can read it and understand it. My folks told me we had some Scot blood, so I guess that might be it...;-)


Snark: a higher form of communication
Wow! That was a blast from the past. My dad's mom was Scot, and what I didn't learn from him, I got from the Scot babysitter who took care of me when I was small.

Here is a song my dad taught me-it's a highlands drinking song.

Just a wee deoch ‘n doris
Jus a wee drop, tha's aw
just a wee deoch ‘n doris
afore ye gang awa’.
There's a wee wifey waitin,
and a wee button ben.

If ye can say,
it’s a braw, bricht, moonlicht nicht,
Yer a’richt, ye ken.


Advocate Discernment
now that made me laugh!!!! my youngest daughter just married a terrific man from scotland, and he really does talk like that----after a few drinks, we cant hardly understand him at all------, but after a few drinks on our side, i know he cant hardly understand our southern accents!!

Jumpy Frog

Browncoat sympathizer
Words I use at least a few times a week with me en me mates. Most of which are Scots or Irish...........I'm the only Welsh (and German/Italian).........en I drink them all under, I says to them "Your'll pished! So get it up ye, ya wee beasties da women be waiting at da next pub!"

11. Ye know whit haggis is made ae and stull like eating it. :crtmn: Yum!

16. Ye know irn-bru is a hangover cure. Over here we use a product called Red Bull or Rockstar.


Veteran Member
Bump -- in honor of Robert Burns birthday (January 25, 1759)

Have some haggis and a wee dram!

(I'm not Scottish, but I enjoy Scottish comedy television -- Chewing the Fat, and Still Game) -- picking up a lot of the slang!


Finally not a lurker!
As your can tell from my last name somewhere in the distant past we started in Scotland. Thrown out centuries ago for what was probably a very good reason. Besides we hate the cold and haggis.