Part 17: Struggling to Find Grace (Part 1)
I do not at all understand the mystery of grace - only that it meets us where we are but does not leave us where it found us.” – Anne Lamott
As much as I wanted the future to wait it arrived the next morning … literally, but at the same time figuratively. A contradiction I was not unaware of and which seemed to follow me throughout the day. I was not at my best in the beginning, but I hope that by the end I had exhibited more grace than I had been showing previously.
I found myself becoming sympathetic to Major Dunham and his men without really meaning to. It started early on when one of his men, a man named Mark Golden, jumped the fence and helped me to wrangle the Billy goat after he decided it would be fun to chew through his picket line and head over and do the same thing to the wash I had just hung on the line.
“If I were that goat,” he said smiling. “I would be thanking my lucky stars that you aren’t in the mood for BBQ right now.”
Extremely irritated as I tried to tuck my hair back into its braid and back under the bandana I was wearing I said, “Oh I’m in the mood all right but I’ve decided to cut him some slack since this is a first offense. Besides, I should have figured that rope was the wrong thing to try and picket them with.”
“Some goats will chew on anything. This fella just seems more curious than inherently evil.”
Caught off guard I had to laugh. “Inherently evil goats? You all have some of those at the Base do you?”
“According to my wife we do. She is on a work crew that rotates through the home farm every third week. One goat in particular seems to see a target on her … uh … ”
I laughed understanding what he wasn’t saying and then noticed he was limping and asked, “Did you get caught on the fence as you came over?”
“Huh?” he asked before looking down and then sighing before shaking his head. “No. It’s an old injury that is taking forever to heal.”
He lifted up his pant leg and I could see that the wound on his calf had suppurated through what looked like a homemade dressing. “Oh my Lord?! I can’t believe that any properly trained medical person would think that was OK! I …”
“Easy ma’am, I’m on triage. This is just the best I can do.”
Extremely upset I said, “Well it certainly isn’t the best I can do.” Absolutely refusing to give him any way out I made him sit down on the lanai and so I could get a better look at the wound. All the while I growled and mumbled and grumbled not understanding – or at least being unwilling to accept – the whole triage business.
“Ma’am, it is just the way it is. Most of the time it works out, sometimes it doesn’t. We are working as fast and as hard as we can so that they can get rid of the triage rosters, it just takes time. Resources are stretched really thin, and so are medically trained personnel.”
“Humph. Time some people don’t have. You are a productive member of your unit … or at least I assume so based on the fact you are on Major Dunham’s crew. How do they expect you to do your job in this condition?”
Slightly offended he told me stiffly, “No one complains about my work.”
“No. Not yet. But how long before you think this is going to really get infected? It is now in a minor way but it wouldn’t take much for this to turn into something systemic. Where would you be then? Or your wife?”
The wound reminded me of the kinds of wounds that I would sometimes see on Bea’s mother before she lost a lot of weight and got her diabetes under control. First I washed my hands thoroughly and then put on a pair of dishwashing gloves that had been in boiling water. “Sorry, I don’t think you are infectious or anything, I just don’t want to get anything in this wound and make it worse.”
Surprised he said, “Oh. Er … you … you really don’t have to do this you know.”
“Oh yes I do. I just can’t believe no one else has done anything about it before this. Honestly, I think this war has taken too many people’s compassion and commonsense.”
It wasn’t nice work for either one of us. How the poor man had been getting along up to this point I can’t imagine. It is a wonder he hadn’t already lost the leg. It was a lot of puss surrounded by a ring of angry and irritated flesh. After cleaning the wound with garlic juice I used olive oil that had a healthy dose of clove oil in it as a mild anesthetic. After that I put calendula lotion on it and properly bandaged it so that it would remain clean.
He noticed that I was packing up some of everything that I had used and tried to object. “Oh no you don’t. You will sit right there and listen to my instructions on how to take care of this. What kind of person would I be to have seen this, known what to do to help, and just turned my nose up at it like it wasn’t any of my business or my problem? Well I don’t work that way.”
His face registered a sudden understanding. “Oh, you’re one of those do-gooders,” he said.
I gave him the eye that I had reserved for my most hard-headed students. “Don’t be obtuse. I personally believe that what goes around comes around … not karma or anything stupid like that … or maybe you could just pass this bit of helpfulness along to someone else, or whatever. I don’t particularly care what you think of my personal beliefs right now. I have my own code of ethics based on my moral compass and that’s all there is to it. Sometimes a sin isn’t committed, sometimes it is something omitted.”
I was about to rip into him further – not really at my best and with no excuse for it – when I saw he was going to continue to object but there was a commotion out front. I didn’t know what had happened at first, all I could see is that two of the soldiers coming back from patrol were injured pretty badly and Major Dunham was in a great deal of pain from something but was refusing to be treated until after his men had been seen to.
“Oh for Heaven’s sake, don’t be so hard headed. Where does it hurt?” I asked, finally losing patience with anyone in fatigues in general and him in particular. I don’t know why I was letting myself be so easily irritated. Maybe it was the number of people. Maybe it was feeling that things were too far out of my control. Whatever it was my mouth was way ahead of my better nature.
Major Dunham gave me a sourpuss look and crossed his arms putting me in mind of a cranky widower the ladies of my church had tried to minister to for years. Mateo shook his head and told us both, “Rock, meet immovable object. This is getting us nowhere. Leah, the Major had something fall on his foot. He is in pain.” He kissed my forehead and said, “Please, for me, cut him some slack. I have to go help the others.”
He left and I stood there tapping my toe and looking at the Major, trying to decide just how far I could stretch my religion before I lost it. “Major. I’m well aware of your … contempt … when it comes to me. Or maybe it is just civilians in general. Suit yourself. However, you are not helping anyone, much less yourself, by refusing to at least let me see if I can help. You need to be in top form to deal with whatever is going on and a broken foot …”
“Toe … my big toe. And it isn’t broken. I can still move it,” he bit out unwillingly.
“Well then God be praised, you got off lucky. At least let me look at the foot. If it is that minor then it isn’t like you’ll lose a body part just from my eyes gazing upon it. Besides, sitting here will give you a chance to be on hand when they report how those two men are doing.”
There was no small amount of cursing involved on his part, but I did eventually irritate him enough into taking his boot off and letting me examine the injury. His feet were far from sweet but aside from that the only thing of note was that his big toe was swelling and bruised. Since I already had my first aid box out I decided to ease his pain even if I was more inclined to let him suffer from being such a donkey’s behind.”
I put twenty drops of tincture of comfrey in a pan of cool water and added a couple drops of tincture of calendula, all of which he eyed with suspicion. I had him soak his foot while he waited and then received his reports. As he gave his instructions – all the while everyone including the Major attempting to ignore my presence – I loosely wrapped the toe in wet dressings of diluted tincture of comfrey and told him that I’d be changing them every couple of hours for a while. His nose flared but he never gave me a hard time when I came around to do the changing.
I am no trained medical professional in any way, shape, or fashion so I kept well clear of the real medics as they worked on the two seriously injured men. I did however make sure there was plenty of boiling water for cleaning instruments, hands, and what have you. I also made sure that the medics had food and drink at the ready so they could keep their strength up during what even I could see was going to be a touch and go situation requiring all their concentration and energies.
Not having anything pressing that couldn’t wait – Joseph and Juliet told me they’d do the gardening that was left if I would look after their friends – I started going around to the rest of the men and asking them if they had any minor bumps or bruises or injuries that I could provide care for. When any would act reluctant, I told them I was doing it so the medics wouldn’t be distracted. Soon enough they all got the message that I wouldn’t take no for an answer and simply gave it up.
One man had an ant bite that had turned into an ulcer. Being very familiar with such a thing occurring I had a remedy at the ready. I soaked fresh blackberry leaves in hot wine – cheap homemade wine made from our muscadine grapes two years previously – and then took the still hot leaves out and put them on the ulcer and told the man it would need to be repeated every morning and night until the skin stopped dying back.