Story To All Things There Is A Season

[Kathy in FL]

To All Things There Is A Season

Part One - 1: How Did I Get Here When I Started There?

Where to begin? That’s a million-dollar question right there. In the last two years my life has been turned upside down. Everything has moved so fast that I never even bothered to sit down and try and make sense of it. Until now.

One of those annoying philosophical questions that occasionally occurs to me is “Who am I?” I hate those stupid questions, they tend to take all the quiet and self-assurance away that I’ve managed to build since the last time it came up.

If I had to pick a word to describe how my life used to be it would be “normal.” I wasn’t from a broken home. I never had some tragic occurrence scar me for life. As a matter of fact I was the much loved and much waited for child. My mother called me a miracle and my dad called me his little darling. My Mom was forty when I was born and Dad forty-five; they’d given up having any biological children and didn’t have the financial resources to afford adoption so they did a lot of volunteer work only suddenly there I was when they least expected it; Momma was five months along before they even realized she was pregnant.

I’m an only child but not of the spoiled variety; my parents kept me pretty well grounded. My name is Leah Helainna Hambrick. Don’t ask me to explain my middle name; it was some wild hare that my parents came up with by putting together Helen and Alainna which were the two names they were trying to choose between. My middle name was probably the only wild hare my parents ever had if you want to know the truth. I loved them both and appreciated them for who they were but my friends all thought they were old and stodgy.

Contrary to many stories of single, late in life babies I had a really fun home life, just not what my peers were used to. My life was very traditional with strong role models in both my parents. My mom taught me the art of homemaking from the time I could stand on a chair and stir the pot. My dad taught me to be mechanically inclined and how to fix most everything, including changing my own oil and brakes when it was needed. We went camping, hunting, and fishing together as a family. As a matter of fact, we did most everything together as a family. Divorce was never a word I even heard muttered in my home.

By the time I went to a public high school I was so painfully normal I began to resent all of the attention that my peers were receiving for their seemingly endless supply of problems and angst … both real and imagined. Daddy quickly tired of my desent into adolescent idiocy and sat me down one day to explain how my friends were wasting their God-given lives on that sort of foolishness and then went on to tell me I had a choice to make. Was I going to flop around thinking I was a fish out of water or was I going to expend my life’s energy swimming upstream in order to fulfill God’s plan for my life? Put like that my friends started looking pretty silly and it was like being the only sober person at a wild frat kegger. I got over myself in fairly short order and got on with my life.

The only part of the idiocy I couldn’t seem to give up was my high school sweetheart. Hank was a “great catch” when we were in high school. Later … well, not so much as I was to find out the hard way.

Other than my parents’ occasional homespun homilies, I had a normal education that was supplemented with a rich home life, church life, and with extracurricular activities supporting the goal of producing a well-rounded child. I graduated with honors from high school, continued to live at home while I went to college, and graduated with a double major … a BSS in Social Science Education and a BS in History. I was all hot to make history come to life as a High school teacher. Yeah right.

Daddy tried to warn me. He said that he hadn’t thought much of a lot of the kids I went to school with and didn’t see that the latest crop were any better. Momma tried to warn me. She had been a teacher’s aide for 19 years before forced to take early retirement when she got pregnant with me as well as other health issues. My favorite professor tried to warn me by saying that I was too pretty and innocent and that I would be better off in Early Education until the new got rubbed off of me. I didn’t listen; I was too full of idealism and dreams.

My internship should have awoken my sense of self-preservation if nothing else had, but it didn’t. The kids were rotten, the school was over crowded, the equipment was archaic … but I loved it. And my dad hated it. I was 21 years old and still living at home; still Daddy’s little princess. I graduated with honors so finding a job hadn’t been as hard as it might have otherwise been, especially as I was willing to take a job at an “under-performing” school. By that time Dad was fully retired but the pension wasn’t enough to pay the bills so he made knives and did a lot of woodwork and carpentry that he sold on Ebay, at gun shows, and at craft fairs. Momma took in sewing and made her own items for the craft fairs. We weren’t rich, but they managed to put a little in savings every month.

And then I was 22 years old and still living at home; but at least I was gainfully employed. And the few students that I could catch the attention of seemed to love me. And I loved them. I really did. The few awakening minds made up for all of the rotten stuff to the point I barely paid attention to it. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt I was meant to be a teacher and I was meant to be a teacher right where I was. Or so I thought.

Like for all things in life, there is a season. And that job was just the first change of season I was to experience. An extreme shortfall in the school district’s budget meant cuts … big cuts. And as one of the newest teachers at one of the worst schools in the district my job was one of the first to go. I wasn’t as loved as I had thought I was. No one even came to say goodbye as I carried my boxes of classroom stuff out to my car. Not even my favorite students. I was more disappointed than I had any right to be.

I came home with my pink slip completely shocked. I … honestly I don’t know what I thought but what I felt was betrayed. I was really in a funk for about a week and then Dad and Mom were there, with grave commonsense told me that life goes on, and helped me to pick up the pieces. But Dad’s retirement didn’t go far and they had come to count on the “rent” I paid them every month. At least I had been smart enough to save most of my first year’s salary rather than spending it on a new car and other fripperies. But I needed a new job and I needed one badly.

Here again though life seemed to be intervening in my personal plans. The school district wasn’t hiring. None of the school districts within driving distance were hiring. As a matter of fact, there was a hiring freeze in the school system statewide. I went to the private schools – not hiring. I went to the day care centers – not hiring. The economy was very bad and property taxes had plummeted for three straight years in a row; so did all the other revenue generating taxes. After two months of looking, and after overhearing my parents discuss how concerned they were about making all of their obligations as the cost of their medications went up yet again, I decided it was time to broaden my job search outside of education and childcare.

One of my friends from high school had become part owner in a family owned and operated housekeeping business. Her grandmother had started it in the 70s during that recession and had kept it running all of these years. Even with the cutbacks their customer base was still strong. I told Bea I would do anything just to bring in some money.

“Are you positive?”

“Oh yeah. I can’t keep living on my parents’ dime.”

“I thought you and Hank were getting serious about setting a date. Doesn’t his dad own that import-export business?”

“Were is the appropriate word.”

“Oh no. Not again.”

“Oh yeah. Again. Forgiving is one thing. Being a fool for the third time is another.”

“Same old reason?”

“Same old song. I told him no ring and ceremony, no canoodling. He wasn’t ready to settle down but he wanted all the fringe benefits that go along with it.”

“Did you know this one?”

“Sheryl Balducci.”

“Sheryl … are you serious? She has eight brothers. And they’re Italian.”

“How do you think I found out about it? I get a call from one of the guys as I’m driving home that there has been an ‘accident’ at work and that Hank couldn’t pick me up for our date that night. So of course I go tearing over to the hospital all upset. Thank the Lord I managed to stop myself from calling my parents. Daddy would have done more damage than Sheryl’s brothers did. Last I heard there was a rush-hush marriage and that Sheryl is due in about four more months.”

“Oh … my … gosh. Get out o’ here! Girl …”

“Like Daddy said, ‘Good riddance to bad rubbish.’ I’m just sorry it took this long for me to see the light. At least my parents never say I told you so.”

“Honey, considering they’ve put up with the guy since we were in school you’re lucky your parents didn’t throw a party and take out a full page ad.”

Not ready for one of Bea’s lectures on my poor taste in men I said,“ So … do you think you can hook me up? With a job I mean. Full time, part time, even a few hours every other week … I just need to bring in some money before I use up all my savings, give me more time to find something in my field.”

Bea hemmed and hawed and I could tell she was debating something. “Look, we have this customer but he is a hard case. Real demanding. He’s a bachelor; likes the hired help to take care of things so that he can’t see they are taking care of things if you know what I mean. When he says how he wants something done he wants it done that way exactly, but if he hasn’t said he doesn’t want to be bothered with questions. I don’t know what the problem is but we are on the third girl with him in as many months and the latest one came in today and said she is quitting, that he is a pain to work for and asking for too much.”

At that point I would have worked for Attila the Hun and said please and thank you for the job. But talk about weird. It was three months before I even met my boss. I had a key, went in, did the work to specs, and left. It was one of the easiest jobs I’d ever had. I never understood what the problem was. I had regularly scheduled chores and then he’d leave a note on the dining room table about once or twice a week that he needed something specific. Do the work, check it off the list, and if there were special instructions because something else was needed and it was completed the way he wanted it to be there was always a little something extra in the pay envelope. It was a cakewalk compared to trying to teach six periods of forty high school students each on a daily basis and then deal with all the take home work and bureaucratic nonsense on top of it. Bea and her mom were pleased because that was the longest anyone had ever lasted, took me off my 90-day probation and I signed up for the simple health insurance plan but took care of my own savings plan with what little was left over by the time I paid my living expenses and gave my parents something in appreciation for their years of sacrifice for me.

The only thing I knew about my boss to begin with was that he was in his mid-thirties, some kind of investment counselor that made pretty good money dealing in very conservative portfolios (Bea’s mother did her retirement funds through him), and that he could be very particular about what he wanted and didn’t want.

 

[Kathy in FL]

Part One - 2

During this time my Dad had what everyone thought was the flu but it turned out that it was a recurrence of pericarditis like he had had before I was born. He got well but it took time. Mom mentioned that he was stressed out that his daughter was cleaning houses for a living. I finally sat down and told Dad that I was cleaning houses because he set the example that any job worth doing was worth doing well, regardless of what that job was. And that I didn’t plan on cleaning houses for the rest of my life but that right now that is what there was and it was better than no paycheck. He still wasn’t happy, but he understood, and I guess I grew up a little bit in his eyes that day.

The day I finally met the boss was not a good one for him. I was folding the linens like I always did on Fridays when in through the front door stumbles a man that looked like he was just about to let loose until he spotted me. He cursed under his breath and said, “I … you need to leave.”

“Excuse me sir but until my employer …”

“I’m him … I mean I’m he … your employ … er. Look, you just … there was an accident. I … I don’t know what to do with a baby. I …”

Long story short, I was meeting Mr. Jakob for the first time. He was so distraught because he’d been at the hospital all night and most of the day. His older sister, brother in law, and their daughter were killed in a car accident on their way home from Disney World. The baby was his sister’s granddaughter and he was now her guardian since the child’s father abdicated responsibility before little Nydia was even born.

I got the baby out of the car and brought her inside and did what I could while my boss tried to pull himself together and make a few phone calls. I’d grown up babysitting the neighborhood kids and working in the nursery at church so it wasn’t a chore.

“Could … could you stay a little longer today? I have to … the arrangements … I have to …”

“Of course.”

The baby didn’t have anything but what was in the diaper bag … a little bit of powdered formula, three diapers, and a small package of diaper wipes. I called Mom, explained the situation to her and she and a couple of the ladies from church brought enough stuff over to last Nydia through the weekend. They also made sure that there were enough casseroles to choke a horse in the freezer. There was even a Jell-O mold from old Mrs. Norvicci. I asked Dad if I could borrow one of the handmade cradles that he sold until my boss could figure out what all the baby had.

Mr. Jakob was pretty well blown away. It was a long time before I knew exactly what he made of the speed that things moved that day. But that’s how I went from being a part-time housekeeper to a full-time housekeeper and nanny during the day.

The paycheck was bigger and I appreciated it but it sure didn’t hurt that Nydia was a cute little stinker. Occasionally I would even watch her on the weekends when the boss had business he had to attend to and the night time nanny couldn’t fill in. The night nanny was named Carmen and was actually some relation to Nydia’s biological father. I didn’t care for her very much but she took care of Nydia like she was her own so I never let my dislike of her show. I can’t say the same for the reverse. It was détente and that is about the best I can say of our working relationship.

Things were going along fine for a while and then the season began to change yet again. The economy was not improving; in fact it was getting quite a bit worse. My parents had to work three times as many craft fairs to bring in the same amount of money and then the government started taxing every little thing they could which hurt people in my parents age bracket especially hard. Sales tax went up, various users’ taxes and fees went up, and tax deductions were quickly disappearing. It got to where if the state or federal governments owed you money you were put on long waiting lists and it took months (up to 12 in some instances) before the check was cut and the news had even reported that a few of those checks were getting kicked back for insufficient funds.

The world economy wasn’t doing much better. The US was the consumer nation that a lot of the developing countries counted on to grease their economic wheels. As the US began to cut back international trade and began to charge tariffs on most imports whatever cancer was eating at us began to metastasize and spread to the rest of the world.

Strange how the term cancer entered my mind because one morning while I was at work, listening to one of the conservative radio broadcasts on WFLA radio, Daddy called and said Momma had collapsed while she was working in the church library. She’d been rushed to the hospital and that I needed to come right away. I couldn’t get in touch with Mr. Jakob and was forced to leave a message with his secretary. I took Nydia with me and despite everything conspiring against me was at the hospital in record time.

One of the reasons why I was such a late-in-life baby for my parents was because my mom had a history of female problems. They would come and go over the years and generally correct themselves. Mom rarely went to the doctor anymore because they always told her the same thing, tried the same remedies, and it was always just a matter of time before things cleared up. The last couple of years she hadn’t gone at all. One, she figured she was too old to need an OB/Gyn check up and two, the expense was something to be avoided. Only this time it wasn’t cysts or a hormonal imbalance; it was cancer … and she was eaten up with it. It had spread to so many major organs that there was absolutely no chance. The doctors weren’t talking weeks or months at that point, they weren’t even talking days; it was a matter of hours and minutes in their opinion.

My dad was completely devastated. I was doing my best to get information from the oncologist and we had stepped outside for some privacy. Dad was sitting with my mom and had closed his eyes. The nurse came in, asked him a question and when he didn’t respond … he’d had a massive heart attack. The pericarditis had done a lot more damage than we had known. The grief over my mom was just too much for his heart, he’d closed his eyes and was just gone in the few moments it had taken me to leave the room. It was ironic that Daddy passed before Momma did but Mom never knew – or maybe she did because she never regained consciousness either, didn’t even try.

I was holding Nydia and trying not to cry while they wheeled both my parents from the last room they would ever share together. That’s when Mr. Jakob showed up … with Carmen. One of the few things I can say about Carmen is that she was kind that day when I needed her to be kind. The next couple of weeks passed in a blur. The only thing that helped me to keep my head above water was my job and the fact that I knew what my parents would have expected of me under those circumstances.

During the day I kept house for the boss, took care of Nydia, and at night I would go home to my parents’ lonely and empty house to slowly box things up that I wasn’t donating to charity. All of my parents’ siblings had died when I was a kid. They were late in life babies themselves and all of my cousins were more than a decade older than me and we weren’t close. I was all alone and facing a ton of decisions that I had to make in very short order. But every item I picked up had a story behind it that I had to take the time to remember. The memories slowed me down more than I should have let them.

I couldn’t afford to keep the house. Because the housing market was so bad I had to let it go for about half what it would have gotten a few years earlier; it wasn’t even to someone who was going to live in it but to some type of investor who planned to rent the place out. The mortgage had nearly been paid off so that wasn’t a problem but it was still very sad for me. I had considered keeping it and renting rooms out myself but the taxes, insurance, and utility bills would have made that a losing proposition. I also had to find a way to pay for the funerals and burials because Daddy’s life insurance had only been designed to cover his … and I was burying both my parents.

Mr. Jakob took enough interest in my welfare that he helped me with some of the estate arrangements. He didn’t see it as any big deal because it was what he did day in and day out. On the other hand, I thought it was a huge deal and one day I got the opportunity to tell him so.

“Don’t read into it something that isn’t there Miss Hambrick. I knew there would come a day when I would get to repay you for what you did for me the day my sister died. I’m sorry it is under these circumstances, but I consider it a debt repaid.”

I told him I appreciated it anyway regardless of his motivations. That’s when he approached me with the fact that Carmen had decided to move back to Costa Rica to be with her widowed sister who needed her. That meant that he had exactly two weeks to find, interview, and hire a night time nanny for Nydia.

“But I have an idea that I would like you to give serious consideration. You have to be out of that house in a week when the new owner wants to move in his tenants. You haven’t been able to find another place to live yet that is in your price range. Nydia really needs a full-time nanny and I need someone that I can trust her with on the weekends as well. I would like you to consider moving in here – you would have the suite next to the nursery - as Nydia’s full-time nanny.”

Now that was definitely something that I had never considered. But I prayed about it and it felt all too providential. Almost so much so that I began to second guess myself on the wisdom of accepting his offer. But accept it I did and life continued on. So many doors were slamming shut in my face that the unexpected window opening looked like a mirage until I walked up and actually stuck my hand through it.

Momma and Daddy’s stuff that I kept was put in storage except for what I brought with me for my own use. That was another thing that Mr. Jakob had to help me with. So many places would only do business with you if you had a credit card and I’d never gotten one. I’d never needed one and my dad was always on about the evils of being indebted to others. Problem was that now that I was on my own I actually needed one of those evil little boogers but no one would approve me. Mr. Jakob put the storage facility in his name, paid for it, and then took the monthly fee out of my paycheck. Some people may have thought the boss was cold and unemotional, but the reality was that he was extremely private and cautious. I still didn’t know a lot about my boss but the longer I worked for him the more I realized that he was not cold, simply restrained in his dealings with others.

Once I accepted the new position my responsibilities around the boss’s place increased exponentially. My pay increased but since it included room and board, it didn’t show quite as much. With fewer expenses I was able to continue to save my money and add it to the nest egg I had been building. The boss advised me to take what little was realized from selling my parents’ home, cars, and all but a few pieces of furniture and split it between various investments and in just three months I was realizing a profit that increased my nest egg. It felt like blood money but at the same time my parents worked hard to get where they had been, a vast improvement over the poverty of their childhoods, and I wanted to continue that if I could. Not because I disliked where I came from but because I think it is a natural inclination in the human spirit to strive for more.

It took a little getting used to living under Mr. Jakob’s roof on a full-time basis. It was also enlightening. He is an extremely private man and I realized he never brought guests over to the house. Any socializing he did was at restaurants or similar places. He asked that I didn’t entertain my boyfriend at his home and I had to laugh and ask if he had seen one hanging around recently. He looked at me and asked a rather personal question about my leanings and I told him that it was none of his business. He replied yes it was since I was taking care of his niece and living in his home. I conceded that point and told him that I was a bit turned off by the dating scene after the breakup of a long-time relationship that didn’t end well and that he was unlikely to have to worry about me bringing anyone into his home anytime in the near future. And the way I was feeling at the time probably not in the far future either. All he did was snort in disbelief at the last statement and tell me that young, pretty girls always were thinking about weddings and such. I told him that he obviously didn’t have many dealings with young women my age then. His rather rude response to that was, “Thank God.”

Mr. Jakob did make a concession that I was quite grateful for. During the time that I had been working for him whenever my church had a children’s activity that was age appropriate, he had no problem with me taking Nydia. My parents had met her on numerous occasions that way and strangely that brought me comfort. But now that I was working as a full-time nanny I needed some flexibility if I was to maintain any of my old life. I approached the boss and he agreed, so long as I worked whatever class she was in, which was fine because I worked in the nursery anyway on most Sundays.

This past year was a perfect storm … literally. It was 2005 all over again with eight named storms hitting Florida shores, five of them major hurricanes. Worse, one those – a Cat 5 named Dorian barreled into St. Petersburg from the south driving waters from the Bay further into Tampa than they had in generations.

After the first storm of the season hit just north of Tampa Bay the boss came to me and said, “You know what to do for hurricane preparation?”

“Pretty much.”

“Well, here’s a book. Read it. Study it. Go through the house and make an inventory using the appendix in the back. Whatever we are short of I want you to purchase over the next week. Anything costing over a hundred dollars for a single item, come to me first. Use the house funds and I’ll replenish it as needed. Keep your receipts … and key them in every day. I’ll be checking daily to see your progress. I want to meet in a week and have this accomplished before prices start skyrocketing.”

That was a pretty good example of our working relationship. He made his wishes known but gave me some leeway to accomplish them, but there was always oversight and follow up … and often money was the root of his reasons. I didn’t mind that at all however. My parents had been extremely budget conscious and had raised me to be the same. One day the boss was complaining about the cost of the food bill and when he broke it down found most of the problem lay in the fact that he ate out … a lot. I asked him if he wanted me to start packing him lunch. Mr. Jakob, penny pincher though he was, hesitated. He had a certain reputation that he had to maintain as a VP at his firm. He decided to give it a week but the week passed and he never said to stop. Every so often he would come home with his lunch uneaten but not often, and when he did he just ate it for dinner instead.

 

[Kathy in FL]

Part One - 3

About a month into the experiment I asked him if he wanted me to continue and heard one of the few laughs out of him that I had ever gotten. “Are you kidding? Most of the office thinks I’m having my lunch catered,” he laughed. “I’ve had more than a few of them try to weasel the name of my personal chef out of me and how much he costs.”

That’s another thing the boss likes to do. He isn’t cheap exactly but if he can do something for a lot less money and still look like he is spending money hand over fist he gets a real kick out of it. He isn’t a Scrooge McDuck but he is fond of keeping his money in his pocket. The economizing however needs to make sense. For instance, I do most of the laundry and I could do his suits and shirts right down to the medium starch that he prefers but he doesn’t consider that the best use of my time so the suits and shirts go to the dry cleaner. I do however, clean and press his ties since it costs quite a bit to have them cleaned by hand.

Once I started working exclusively for the boss he’d paid a bonus to Bea and her mother and set up my payroll including deductions and everything else through the same accounting firm that his office used. Bea couldn’t believe how much I actually did for the man that didn’t technically fall under the job description of housekeeper and nanny. It was far away from what I had spent four years in college to do but on the other hand I had that feeling, just like when I had been teaching, I was where I was supposed to be. And Nydia was adorable. I watched her go from this little peanut that was barely rolling over to crawling and then creeping by holding on to the furniture. That was fun, trying to explain “baby-proofing” to the boss; one urped in briefcase however did the trick. She was talking now as well, she called the boss “Papa” and she called me “Nonny” … her way of saying nanny I supposed.

“Girl, you better be careful. You are getting drawn in. What was the first thing we taught you?”

“Not to get personally involved in our client’s life. I know Bea, but it’s a little different now.”

“All I gotta say is you better watch out. The first time he makes a move on you, cute kid or not, you quit that place. You are too trusting. Lord knows what you’ll let yourself get involved in.”

I wanted to laugh at her concerns but I didn’t because I know she meant well. Truth was I wondered if the boss even realized that I was a person of the female persuasion. I mean, of course he did but at the same time it didn’t seem to make a difference. It had taken months but Carmen finally filled me in on the fact that the boss was in love with his boss’ daughter. Rachel Lozaro was smart, beautiful, poised, and popular and appeared to enjoy the boss’ attention quite a bit but she was the daughter of the President of the company and he wanted as much as he could get for her.

I met the famous Rachel for the first time at a company picnic. She was smart, beautiful, poised, and popular as promised. She was also spoiled and a little on the snotty side. She didn’t take any interest in Nydia at all and actually seemed to resent our presence. She sent one of her BFFs over to ask me to try and keep out of sight so that her father didn’t start asking too many questions. I wondered what kind of questions she was worried about but it wasn’t my place to wonder so sat on a blanket under a tree and out of foot traffic.

After about an hour of this an older, distinguished gentleman … Mr. Lazaro himself … came over and struck up a conversation with me. Basically the old coot was getting nosy and wanted to know what kind of boss Mr. Jakob was. So I told him the truth. “He’s very conscientious and determined to fulfill his responsibilities.”

“And … you are satisfied with your current position? Surely a lovely young woman can’t be satisfied playing nursemaid to another man’s child.”

“Actually sir, I have a degree in education. And as you must know Nydia is my boss’ niece, not his biological daughter. I enjoy my work, and this is a perfect position for me at this time.”

“Oh, I understood you were just the housekeeper.”

Grrr. Not only was he getting nosy, he was being insufferably presumptuous and rude.

“My duties defy a sinlge job title Mr. Lazaro. I’m sure that you’ve met many administrative assistants whose job description didn’t exactly cover all that they did in their actual position.”

“Hmmm. My sister-in-law is a professor out at USF.” The sister-in-law wandered up and low and behold if it wasn’t my favorite professor that had supervised my honor’s thesis. Mr. Lazaro was quite chagrined to find out that I had been telling the truth about my training and how qualified I actually was. He wandered away rather grumpily while I and several other women talked about the state of the schools these days and most of them told me I was well out of it and lucky to have a job as many of their teacher friends and the latest crop of graduates were finding it difficult to find anything in their field.

The boss apparently got an earful after the company picnic from Rachel but it had the opposite affect that I would have expected of a man hopelessly devoted. As a matter of fact, I witnessed a side of the boss I’d never seen. I’d never seen him get angry. So much for Mr. Roboto; the last thing he turned out to be was cold and unemotional. Turned out he was intentionally restrained because he knew what he was capable of.

“Do … not … ever … let those people talk to you like that again. I’m no liberal social do-gooder but I can’t stand their type of class snobbery. And who would I get to replace you if they put a bug in your ear about looking for a different job?!”

Ah, so that was it. Actually I didn’t mind that his motives were a little selfish; it made them more comprehensible. What I wasn’t going to tell the boss was that it was going to take more than a few verbal crowbars to get me to leave my position. Things were rough out there. I would have to say at least 75% of the people that I had graduated with had moved back home with their parents because they had been unable to find work or found work in their field only to lose it as the economy slowed even further. I’m glad I got off my high horse when I did because it was hard to even find a fast food job these days. As a matter of fact a friend who works at The Olive Garden restaurant said that when they had a waiter position come open – part time position no less – they had over 500 applicants for it and had to shut down accepting new applicants after two days. And when people came to apply for the job only to find the application process closed they got angry, and some turned violent, like they had nothing to lose. That was scary.

Another day I took Nydia for a push in her stroller around the university campus and I can’t tell you how weird it felt. I overheard a lot of people saying that they were going to take a semester off because they needed to save the money up to pay for classes. There was a fight near the Student Services building between two guys that had spotted the same “help wanted” advertisement and one had ripped it off of the board. The other objected to that. Then another guy came along and said, “Dudes, don’t blow the steroids. That flyer is over a day old, they’ve already filled the position by now.” Things really were getting frighteningly tough out there.

Since I did the grocery shopping I knew that it wasn’t just the lack of a job that was causing problems, it was the prices of goods going up. At one of our weekly “business meetings” I asked the boss if he had a problem with me changing things up a little bit to try and save money. He asked me to explain and I told him that my parents and I had always shopped the flea market produce stands as well as the big Produce Station to pick up fresh foods and then can and freeze them ourselves. The initial outlay was more expensive but then you just reached into the frig or freezer the rest of the season for the item that you wanted. Even better prices could be had by going to the U-Pick farms.

The boss gave me a really strange look. “Leah, don’t take this wrong … because I realize you said that your parents did things this way … but I do not like the idea of you picking vegetables out in the field like a migrant worker, especially when I can afford the grocery store prices. And what would you do with Nydia while you were … out in the field?”

I pulled out my receipt book that I used to compare local prices. I told him I’d already started using the bread machine more because a loaf of good bread was almost six dollars a loaf. Even the cheapest sandwich bread was over four dollars a loaf. I went on to show him how all of the staple goods had gone up.

“Well, then why haven’t I seen this dramatic increase in the receipts you are keying in?”

“Because you only see the bottom line; there are a few items that I am able to get on sale right now that make the difference less noticeable. Beef and chicken are way down, and I’ve been stocking up when I see a really good discount. Ranchers are selling a lot of their stock because feed has gotten so expensive and because people are cutting back at the grocery store.”

“Hmm … lower demand, lower prices; overstock, lower prices. All right, so tell me more.”

I showed him a plan that I had worked out, what the potential savings were over what I was currently spending on groceries. He was impressed but still not convinced.

“That’s all well and good but I see the upfront costs of the equipment being a problem and eating up any savings. The cost of a large freezer for one would eat up most of the savings you have on this line of your budget.”

“Not a problem. I’ll just use my parents’ canning equipment. I already use Momma’s dehydrator to make the fixings for Nydia’s baby food since she won’t eat the stuff out of the jars.”

“That’s because you’ve spoiled her by grinding up table food.”

“Eh, the pediatrician said it was OK and it doesn’t hurt my feelings any not to have to deal with those stupid little containers. I know everyone thinks they are convenient, but they are expensive, and I hate throwing away part of a jar when she refuses to eat it. Her formula already takes a huge chunk out of the food budget and the stuff isn’t getting any cheaper.”

“All well and good but what is this? Rings and jars?”

“Like I said, I’ve got plenty of jars in storage along with some rings and seals. You buy a case of seals and a few dozen new rings from Ebay and I’ll provide the rest. We’ll beat the competition hands down.”

He laughed, “You really view this as a competition?”

“It’s the way my mother was. She said that when she could save money it was like she had won a prize. My parents came from what today would be considered extreme poverty. But they always had food to eat because of their families’ gardens. In other words, they were poor but never really knew it because they had the most important elements covered – shelter, food, and good drinking water. The rest was ‘use up, make do, or do without’ and they continued those habits as adults. Or at least they did after a brief foray into living like the other guy. My dad said once he’d paid off those bills he was never going into debt like that again. It took all of my parents’ imagination and innovativeness to get them clear of what they’d managed to get themselves into in just three years. That was before I was born but the way Dad always told it they had everything that their money could buy but they were more miserable than they’d ever been in their entire lives. Getting out from under that debt was one of the most liberating things they ever did.”

“Assuming I agree with your plan with the budget providing the produce and you providing the equipment and knowledge … what about the labor. That sounds like a great deal of energy to expend when you can just go to a store and pick something up. And what would you do with Nydia during this time. I don’t want her care to be compromised to save a few pennies.”

“First, I’d never compromise Nydia’s care; she will remain my primary focus. Second, we are talking about more than just a few pennies; more like hundreds of dollars, maybe more, over any given year depending on how much of the menu we transfer to home preserved pantry items. For the rest, if I worked in an office setting like you or even in the classroom like I used to the time commitment would be problematic but there are evenings and weekends and if I was still teaching I would have the whole summer. And if you need further proof that this is a better alternative, consider this. When I preserve the food, you’ll know exactly what is going into each jar – no more unpronounceable additives – and you’ll know exactly when something was picked and then put into the jar, not just an arbitrary best-used-by date.”

The boss always covered all the angles. “Then what about food safety. Salmonella, e. coli and other bacteria?”

“The first rule is a clean kitchen. Second golden rule is to make sure that you use sanitized jars, utensils, etc. You clean everything, I mean everything, including the food that is going into the jars and then you have to can them at the appropriate temperatures for the appropriate length of time. It is basically the exact same science used by the big canneries only at the home level. And, not to freak you out or anything, but you’ve been eating some of the stuff my mom canned for a couple of months now. I just couldn’t stand the idea of throwing it away. Too wasteful. And the food pantries wouldn’t take it because it wasn’t commercially prepared. That garbanzo bean soup you are always asking for? Mom and I canned that last Christmas.”

He gave me blank face for a few moments and then said, “You’ve almost got me convinced. Let me do a little research and I’ll give you my answer within the week.”

The boss is no push over. I knew when I raised the idea that all I could do was present my argument but that he would have to decide on his own. He is unpushable when it comes to the decision making process. However it took him less than the week he’d asked for. Part of his research was to go to a grocery store after work one evening. He came in the door that night looking a little shell shocked at the prices. “When did the prices get that high? And why haven’t you had to ask for an increase in the house funds?”

I explained that I had just shifted things around a little bit. Shopped once a month instead of weekly. Always had a menu and grocery list made out in advance. Used coupons – some of which I printed from online sources – and sales flyers. Shopped at some of the international markets to get specialty items at a discount. Instead of preparing steak several times a week, I’d use less meat in a stir fry; same steak, I just didn’t need as much of it to prepare a filling meal. I got seafood when it went BOGO at the store and not before. We had a few more ground beef and chicken dinners. Instead of only adding meat to the homemade spaghetti sauce I made, I also added some veggies and ground sausage which gave a heartier sauce, tasted great, but turned out to be cheaper than a regular meat sauce.

I pieced out the luxury items, some of which were the boss’ favorites, with rice, beans and lentils. I added a couple of vegan meals during the month like bean burgers on homemade buns. I made the dressings we used on salads rather than pay the exorbitant price of the ones in the bottles. I baked most of the bread, snacks, and desserts instead of buying them at the bakery. The only time I would buy something at the bakery was if I needed day old bread for bread pudding or something along those lines and didn’t have any of my own. And when Nydia had started breaking out from most of the store-bought laundry detergents I started making my own and using vinegar to replace fabric softener in all the clothes except for the towels.

He gave me what I’ve come to consider the “inscrutable face.” It’s the one he uses when he doesn’t want you to know what he is thinking but doesn’t want you to know that he doesn’t want you to know what he’s thinking. “I never noticed.” He didn’t sound happy about it, but he admitted, “So if I didn’t notice, you did a good job of making things work.” And because he just could not let it go without some precautionary note he added, “Just be careful with the international grocery stores, especially anything that comes from Asia; China in particular.”

I assured him that I was always careful and that I only shopped at reputable locations that my mother used to visit and had never had problems with them.

“Well, there’s always a first time for everything. Don’t forget you have Nydia with you.”

 

[Kathy in FL]

Part One - 4

Some people might have found the way he often phrased things insulting. I wasn’t sure at first but now I know he isn’t trying to be irritating; at least most of the time. He just has a bad habit of trying to micro-manage everything. It is annoying on occasion, but I’ve learned not to take it personally. He is a workaholic that is that way about everything, not just about work.

I was feeling really good. Job I enjoyed. The boss listened to me even if he didn’t always take my suggestions. Nydia gave me someone to lavish my affection on so I wasn’t lonely. The living conditions suited me to a tee. Every once in a while Bea would needle me about needing to get back into the dating scene but honestly it just held no interest for me. I began to seriously consider the possibility that maybe I was meant to be an “old maid.” I was satisfied with my life. Then there came that change of season thing again.

The first I was aware of it a Sheriff showed up at the boss’ door and served a notice that a civil suit was being brought against him for the wrongful custody … or whatever legalese they used … of one Nydia Gilbert. It basically escalated from there into a huge custody battle between the boss and Nydia’s biological father. Actually, it wasn’t the biological father bringing the suit but his family as they believed … wrongly as it turned out … that Nydia had inherited a significant number of assets from her grandparents.

Mr. Jakob might have come around to the idea of visitation rights but the Gilbert family wanted the whole shebang. They were making up all kinds of stories about how unfit the boss was to parent, how he really wasn’t doing anything but putting her with a glorified babysitter (me), how he was allowing me to raise her in a cult, and on and on. It was horrible. I’d never really had anyone question my character before. They even raised the issue that I had been let go from my teaching position, making it out that it was for some other reason than what was listed officially.

The boss was furious. And to add insult to injury, his lady love became engaged to one of the up and coming young bucks in his firm … courtesy of Papa Lazaro’s contriving. The boss was under a lot of pressure, but I only saw him come close to cracking once. I came in with Nydia – we had gone to the Produce Station after a nice hour at the park – to find the boss home earlier than expected.

There were a few times when Hank would drink. I hadn’t liked it, mainly because he would lose all of his inhibitions and become an embarrassment that I didn’t want to be connected with, though I never said it out loud. As a result of that and the fact that my parents didn’t drink I was uncomfortable around anyone that did drink, even if it was appropriate to the situation such as a toast at a wedding. I know it was a little judgmental and I tried not to let my own prejudice get out of hand. So when I went to work for the boss I had to get used to the fact that he might have a glass of wine with dinner every so often or the occasional snifter of brandy or tumbler of scotch. But never did I see him drink more than a glass on any of those occasions.

That day when I walked in and saw the bottle of whiskey on the coffee table, the bottle I knew hadn’t been open the day before, and saw that it was half empty I’ll admit I was shocked. I stopped quickly in my tracks and then tried to casually turn to go lay down a sleeping Nydia but I guess he saw the look anyway.

As I was quietly leaving the room I heard him set the glass down with a click on the glass table top. I don’t consider myself a coward but it wasn’t easy for me to go back and act normal. Passing the den I saw him at the liquor cabinet. I picked up the bags of produce I had left at the front door and took them to the kitchen.

I was filling the sink with cold water to soak the bunches of carrots and celery that I had purchased when the boss walked in, carefully sat his empty glass on the counter and in a very controlled voice asked for, “Coffee. Black. A whole pot. Bring it to the office.” He walked out with slow and deliberate steps.

I made the coffee and wondered what could possibly be wrong. He didn’t appear to be angry with me, I hadn’t given him reason to be, but something was definitely up. As soon as the coffee was finished I put it in a carafe and grabbed his favorite stoneware coffee mug. When I got to the office I slowly opened the door and found Mr. Jakob with his head on his desk supported by his arms.

“Boss?” I asked trying to lighten the mood a bit by using a term that I knew irritated him just enough that it had made him laugh in the past. He lifted his head and looked at me in response to my question but there wasn’t any humor on his face; there wasn’t anything on his face, it was completely blank.

I sat the mug down and poured it three-quarters full of the thick, strong Cuban coffee he prefers. The smell of it finally reached him and he picked it up and drank it half way down before I could even warm him it was hot.

He cleared his throat a couple of times before he was able to speak. “Perhaps you … you and Nydia …” He trailed off and it was like he had forgotten what he was going to say.

I took the bull by the horns and said, “You aren’t drunk but you’re close Mr. Jakob. Whatever it is … you want to talk I’m here. Otherwise I’ll be in the kitchen.”

I was half-way through the door when he said, “Leah …”

I turned. “Leah, in the morning I have to have Nydia at court. The judge wants to see all interested parties. This includes you. The … the thing … look, you need to sit down.”

I knew immediately that whatever was going on was something I wasn’t going to like.

“I’m … I’m not making excuses. My lawyer suggested it and I made the choice to follow her advice. It wasn’t … it wasn’t a problem until recently. I still don’t know how it all got out, but I have my suspicions and …”

I had survived a year and some teaching at one of the worst high schools in the school district. I was not going to be intimidated simply because it sounded like I was walking down the hall to get another pink slip. The boss had never given me any reason to think that he would treat me unfairly but I knew that Nydia took priority over everything so I tried to prepare myself.

“One of the main issues that kept being raised was that I was unmarried and had no family for a social support network. The other lawyer somehow found out that ...” he stopped to pour himself more coffee but his hand was shaking so bad that I reached over and took it from him.

“Mr. Jakob, whatever it is …”

“I didn’t start out with the advantages that some of the other people in the firm did. In fact I’m the first … and so far the only … person in my family to go to college. My niece … but of course that changed as soon as she met that little … and then Nydia came along. I was going to help my sister get her into school and with the expenses of keeping her there but …”

I knew that part of the story from Carmen who seemed to enjoy making Nydia’s mother look bad even if it meant making the boss look good.

“Leah, I never meant … I’m not even sure how to explain this. First off, I want you to know that I never meant for you to get involved. I never meant for your reputation to get called into question.” That statement sure as heck got my attention. “When Rachel said she wanted to see other people so that her father would get off her back I acquiesced because I really didn’t have any reason not to believe her. It was only supposed to be for a short time. I had no idea … be that as it may … what I’m trying to explain is …”

“Mr. Jakob, what is so bad that you’ve lost your normal eloquence? You could sell snowballs to people living in the arctic.” Again, I was trying to lighten what was obviously an uncomfortable situation for him.

“I hope you’re right Leah because I’m about to try and sell a bill of goods to you that not even I like. I take full responsibility for this, but I would like you to at least consider that I did it for Nydia’s sake.” With a deep breath he finally spit it all out. “At the lawyer’s suggestion I … allowed people to think that I did have a close relationship that would be ending in marriage. Because of Rachel’s actions I wasn’t able to … the only other woman that fit the bill … well, was you. Wait! Please let me finish. I never said anything directly. I let the lawyer handle the … the innuendoes. I had no reason to think that it would ever go further than that and that it would be kept between the parties involved in the custody battle. No one should have been discussing it. But someone did. Again, I have my suspicions how it came about, and I’ll deal with that as soon as I secure Nydia’s custody. I …”

I finally couldn’t keep my mouth shut any longer. “Are you telling me that you let people think that you and I … that … that … I’m more than just your housekeeper?!”

He was very uncomfortable, but I unwillingly felt some respect for the way he was taking personal responsibility for what he had done. “Yes, and I apologize. I don’t have any excuse. My reasons … I simply cannot lose custody of Nydia. That boy’s family are a bunch of … you’ll meet them tomorrow. I hope you’ll agree to meet them tomorrow and you’ll see … Carmen was the best of the lot and the only reason I agreed to have her in my home is because she and my mother had been close friends. Leah, I … I will lose Nydia if any of this becomes known that … that I allowed … that I lied about the type of relationship we have. She’s all the family I have left. I …”

I took my own deep breath and asked, “Exactly what are you asking me to do? … And … and why?”

“As I said … oh @#$%. Look, that SOB that Rachel got engaged to is trying to destroy me. Mr. Lazaro set me up. I own too much stock in the company and my portfolio is too large for him to fire me outright without risking his own livelihood. But he has been looking for something for years now to discredit me with so that the other partners would do the dirty work for him. Now he’s agreed to marry Rachel off to that little piker and help him take my VP position and get my portfolio that’s taken me over ten years to build. They couldn’t discredit me professionally so now they are trying to do it through my personal life. Professionally I can challenge them and win hands down, but they’ve brought Nydia into it as a pawn in their game. I can’t lose her. I’ll …” He drug his hands through his already unruly black hair … hair that was normally so well behaved that a hurricane wind could not have budged it.

“Boss, I totally sympathize having been a victim of work place politics myself but that still doesn’t tell me how I got drawn into this and how I can help you keep custody of Nydia.”

“That is the part that doesn’t show me in very good light. I apologize in advance Leah but I’m not sure that is enough. As I said, I allowed the lawyer to build a fantasy that made it appear that … that you and I … but the piper is now asking for payment. The judged wants both parties to prove that they can provide the best home for Nydia. The man has turned it into a damn competition! And I’ve been warned by my lawyer that the other side intends to prove that I’ve been lying all along. I need your help. They’ll take Nydia.”

“You’re asking me to lie.”

“No … I … yes. Yes I am. I’m asking you to go into court with me tomorrow and appear as my fiancé.”

“Your … your fiancé?!”

“Yes. I’ll compensate you for …”

“Mr. Jakob. Please don’t say what you were about to say. I … I’m not … look, I don’t want you to lose Nydia. I know you love her. I also know that you would do anything for her. It took me a while to understand but I have full confidence in that fact. But whether I help you or not will not be dictated on … receiving ‘compensation’ because that would be …”

“Again Leah, I apologize. I simply meant …”

“I know what you meant, and you should be glad that I do understand well enough not to be overly offended by what you nearly said. Just explain what you need me to do and give me a few minutes to think about it.”

Basically he needed me to go to court the next day as his fiancé and answer any questions that might be posed to me as honestly as I could while still allowing them to believe that the boss and I had a relationship closer than that of employer/employee. As awful as it sounds I was glad my parents weren’t around to see the mess. And I agreed to do as he asked even though I was angry at myself for doing so. I knew even then that all I was doing was allowing a lie to continue and that would do nothing but make things worse. But I also knew that Mr. Jakob did have good reason to fear that he would lose Nydia if it all came out and I knew that despite the lie he was still the better person to be her parent than the biological father.

 

[Kathy in FL]

Part One - 5

The next morning I dressed carefully in a gray skirt and jacket, simple gray pumps, and a white blouse. Instead of wearing my hair up as I normally did, I French-braided it to just below my shoulders and allowed the rest of the curly mass to fall its remaining length to below my waist. This was what I wore in the classroom and what I still wore to church on Sundays. I was going to help the best I could but I wasn’t going to suddenly change who I was. I fit the car seat into the back seat of Mr. Jakob’s vehicle … an older model Jaguar that he’d proudly explained months ago that he’d bought cheap at an auction when he’d made VP at the firm.

Older model or not it was a heck of a lot more ostentatious than my little Chevy workhorse that I’d had since high school and I’ll admit to being afraid of smudging or breaking something the few times I had been in it. Rather than sitting in the back seat with Nydia he asked me to sit up front with him so that we could talk.

“Leah, I’ll ask one more time … Are you sure that …”

“Look Boss, I may not like the position I feel like I’ve been pressured into, but I like the idea of you losing custody of Nydia even less. I’m between a rock and a hard place but I’ve made my choice. Nydia is what is important here, not my own sensibilities.”

He again acted grateful which sat oddly on him and we proceeded the rest of the way to the courthouse in relative, but not uncomfortable, silence. The only other thing he asked was that I call him by his given name, Mateo.

For a while it appeared my presence alone was enough to offset the other lawyer’s claims. The judge had spoken to everyone else and looked like he was prepared to call a recess but then the other lawyer started up with the fact that I wasn’t anything but a gold digger looking to make a buck off of the situation. Mr. Jakob was getting obviously angry at that and I reached over and handed him Nydia because he’d never lost his cool when she was around. As soon as he had Nydia in his arms he calmed right back down. For good or ill the judge noticed my move and decided he wanted to speak with me directly.

“Ms. Hambrick, this court is here to decide the custody and future of a very young child unable to speak for them self. While all of the other facts in this case are straight forward, your position in it has been brought into question several times. It would appear that both sides are hinging their case on whether or not you are in fact who and what has been claimed or if there is or is not some fraud occurring. I would like to hear you explain yourself if you please.”

“Your … your Honor, I’m not sure I understand.”

“Ms. Hambrick I would like you to describe to me your position as little Nydia’s caregiver and your relationship with Mr. Jakob. Start with how you met.”

“Oh. I originally was acting as a part time house maid and …”

The other side’s lawyer said, “See. This is what my clients …”

The judge was not pleased at the interruption. “Mr. Jones, if I require your help in questioning Ms. Hambrick I will let you know. Ms. Hambrick, please continue.”

“Like I said, I was working part time but it was actually three months before I met Mr. Jakob.”

“Your Honor, please, she doesn’t even call him by his first name. It’s obvious …”

“Mr. Jones, one more interruption by you or anyone else and I will cite them for contempt. Have I made myself clear? Ms. Hambrick, since Mr. Jones brought it up, would you care to explain?”

“Your Honor, this whole situation is extremely uncomfortable for me. I … I’m private. Mr. Jakob …we haven’t … for Nydia’s sake we haven’t been very public. Calling Mateo by his given name doesn’t feel appropriate in this setting.”

“Hmmm. I understood that Mr. Jakob’s name was Matt.”

The boss spoke up, “Your Honor, if I may. Mateo is what I was called by my family. It is what I asked Leah to call me. Matt is what I’m known by professionally.”

“I see. Very well Ms. Hambrick, please continue.”

“The day I met … Mateo … was a horrible day for him. His sister and her family had just died as a result of someone else’s reckless driving on I4 on their way back from a short family vacation. Nydia was the only one not injured while everyone else in the car died. He was visibly distraught. Having experience with young children I simply did what anyone else would have done under the circumstances. My parents also did what they could and …”

“Your parents are deceased now, yes?”

“Yes.”

“But they knew Mr. Jakob.”

“Yes. My father was … a protective man Your Honor. However, he had no problems with … Mateo … at all. They also knew Nydia and my mother made her a quilt and a few soft toys that are still among her favorites. When both my parents died unexpectedly I was … I found myself rather distraught. Mateo helped with some arrangements and when Carmen – she was the night and weekend nanny for Nydia and a direct relation to Nydia’s biological father – had to leave to fulfill some other familial obligations, Mateo asked me to move in and take care of Nydia full time since he already knew my work ethic and character enough to trust me.”

“The question remains how you went from being the housekeeper and nanny to being a fiancé.” For the first time I heard more than a hint of suspicion in the judge’s voice … and contempt though to his credit I don’t think he had meant for me to hear that part of it.

“Your Honor, while I understand everyone’s concern I can assure you that nothing … obscene … has been occurring. Mateo is a complete gentleman and always has been. We operate on very strict rules of conduct, including privacy concerning personal matters. We both prefer it that way. How is a difficult question to answer, it … it just happened. We both love Nydia and want the best for her.”

“I see no ring. There have been no official announcements. And this whole thing sounds rather contrived and coincidental considering the depositions I’ve read regarding Mr. Jakob’s previous relationship with one Rachel Lazaro.”

“And I’m sure that Ms. Lazaro’s fiancé has had quite a hand at providing that story to you.” That gave the judge pause. “I refuse to try and dress it up and make it look pretty. Rachel hurt Mateo. She asked to have an open relationship so that she could see other men. I personally find that kind of behavior distasteful. You are either committed or you are not. She obviously was not. She is now engaged to a man known to be jealous of Mateo’s position within his firm and of his former relationship with his soon-to-be wife. The man in question would do a great deal to make himself look better to Mr. Lazaro who is a senior partner in the firm all three men work at. I am not surprised, given what I’ve witnessed at some of the company picnics, that the man would use Nydia … and me … as a tool to cause Mateo pain. I’ve already stated that Mateo and I are private individuals. Shortly before I went to work for him I had a very long-term relationship … end. I was not looking for any type of … entanglement. I’m sure I speak for Mateo when I say that he wasn’t either. Nydia brought us together. We are both well aware of how some people could … manipulate … the situation and make us look like our morals are less than they should be. However, for Nydia’s sake we’ve never done anything that we shouldn’t. Mateo knows that one of these days Nydia is going to have questions and he is going to have to answer her honestly.”

“Ms. Hambrick, you seem to be aware that people can manipulate the facts of this case. You must therefore be aware that your words can be taken in more than one way. You didn’t answer the question of a ring or announcement. Do you wish to do so now?”

“As I said Your Honor, Mateo and I are private individuals. Any announcement that followed Ms. Lazaro’s own engagement announcement would appear … frankly it would look ridiculous, like we were competing. As far as a ring goes, I would never marry a man based on financial gain. My mother never had an engagement ring. Expecting a ring from Mateo never entered my mind. There have been much more important issues to address than ostentatious public displays. Nydia’s care and custody has always taken precedent to our own desires.”

“You care a great deal for Nydia.”

“Yes.”

“You would do anything for her.”

“I’m not sure if that is a question or not.”

“Would you lie for her? Fake a relationship with your employer? I ask you now because the question has come up a number of times in discussions in my chamber.”

“Your Honor. Whatever occurs in this court or at any point in my life I believe that I am personally accountable and personally responsible for. I … I would do a great deal for Nydia. I would lay down my life for her. I cannot deny that. But … but I also have a responsibility that when she is old enough to ask, I have to be able to answer her and not be ashamed. Having people … draw into question my moral turpitude … has been … difficult for me. Doubly so because somehow I’ve become a linchpin in a case I don’t believe I have any right to have standing in to begin with. Mateo has been a wonderful provider for Nydia from the moment she entered this world. Contrary to the other side’s claim, Nydia has never had some large inheritance coming to her from her grandparents. After his sister and her family’s deaths, a great many debts were revealed. The legal documents show that but somehow the other side continues to believe in some fantasy that Nydia is a baby Cinderella in the making. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Mateo has always been extremely careful of the company he keeps; his home has been kept as a haven where Nydia can be raised in safety and good health. Mateo has seen to her every need. He’s already started a college fund for her out of his own pocket since there wasn’t anything left after settling all of the hospital bills and other debts of his sister’s family. All of these things are in direct contrast to the behavior of Nydia’s biological father. He has never even seen Nydia, never requested to see her, had even agreed to end his parental rights rather than pay the child support that her mother was taking him to court over. We have documented proof of this. He’s not even in court today, only his parents and their lawyer is. The biological father is not financially able – nor mentally or emotionally prepared in my opinion - to provide for Nydia and in fact has never made an effort to do so. He never requested visitation rights even though his family could have kept apprised anytime they wanted to through Carmen. This custody battle is the absolute first time that they’ve ever made any effort to have anything to do with Nydia and she is nearly twenty months old. The most abhorrent thing however is that their lawyer has repeatedly made it clear that the true reason behind this move is to gain control of some absolutely non-existent trust fund that Mateo is supposedly hiding from them. What is really more important here? Some fabled trust fund or what is best for Nydia?”

I had stayed calm through my whole diatribe until those last two questions. The judge released me, called for a recess and we left to get Nydia some lunch. I was angry and trying my best to not show it and was succeeding until we ran into some of the boss’ colleagues from work.

“Hi. I’m Marilyn Shepherd. We met a couple of months back at Mr. Lazaro’s party.”

“Hi.” The last thing I felt like doing was socializing at that point.

“I had no idea. You and Matt never let on at all.”

Uh oh. I hadn’t thought about having to carry the whole thing on outside of the courtroom. “It would have been tacky given it was an event to showcase Mr. Lazaro’s new protégé and his daughter.”

“Oh yeah. Right. Well, congratulations. I mean that. Matt needs someone now that Rachel … Oh … Tom… Tom, over here … I want you to meet Matt’s fiancé.”

 

[Kathy in FL]

Part One - 6

I felt completely helpless to prevent what was happening. I felt the boss come up behind me and put his hand on my shoulder and casually wedge himself between me and one of the young men at his firm that had a bad habit of having too many hands in all the wrong places. Nydia got fussy with all the strangers around so we excused ourselves and then ran into his lawyer who said she had just come from the judge’s chamber.

“Matt, we almost have this in the bag but the judge keeps coming back to the issue with Leah. He wants some proof that the relationship wasn’t designed to fool him into granting you custody.”

I was really irritated by this point. “Oh for pity sake. What more does he want?!”

“He wants some proof of the legitimacy of the relationship.”

The boss asked, “Exactly what is he looking for? Has he said?”

“No and that is frustrating. Whatever it is, it has to be something significant.”

“Let me talk to Leah alone please.”

“Matt, there isn’t much time. The judge is calling us back in chambers in fifteen minutes.”

“I realize that, just give us a few moments.” After the lawyer left the boss turned to me ,”Leah … I’m sorry. Please, if you don’t feel able to go any further with this I’ll … I’ll understand. But if … if you trust me, I’d like to … to make a proposition.”

“You can’t expect me to lie any more. I’ve gone so far passed my comfort level that I could barely look at myself in the mirror when I went to the ladies’ room.”

“I’m not asking you to lie. I’m … I’m proposing that we create … a partnership. I know that you’ve only gone this far for Nydia’s sake. I’m asking that you consider,” he cleared his throat and started over. “Leah, I’m asking you to consider … consider allowing me to legalize our partnership.”

It took me a second to understand what he was talking about. “Are you … are you actually asking me … are you asking me to … to marry you?!”

“I realize this is nothing like you expected and …”

I gave a harsh laugh, “Nothing like I expected. Yeah, you could say that.”

“Just hear me out. We both have the same goal here. We want Nydia to be raised in a loving and nurturing environment. I know for my part that I’ve trusted you from the beginning with her care. You are a stellar housekeeper. The only thing that would change is that you would get more security. We would sign a pre-nup that would provide for your care regardless of what happens to me. You would still be free to come and go just like before, you would simply have more standing socially when it came to carrying out your duties.”

I was in shock, “And … and exactly what do you get out of this … this merger?”

“I would get the courts off of my back as far as Nydia’s custody is concerned and I would begin adoption proceedings immediately. I wouldn’t have to worry who I could leave her care to in case something was to happen to me. My life would pretty much continue on as before.”

The lawyer stuck her head around the corner, “Whatever you are deciding you need to be quick. I see the judge going back into his chambers.”

“Leah?”

I could not believe I was even contemplating what he had suggested but I couldn’t give him an answer because the bailiff came out and asked us to step back into the courtroom. We all found our places. I could see it on the judge’s face. We were going to lose Nydia. The other side saw it too and were already starting to crow a little bit. I knew I had to act. I stood up.

“Your Honor? I realize this is highly irregular but Mateo’s lawyer has mentioned that you are still concerned about … about our relationship. Might I ask … would legal documents alleviate your concerns?”

The judge’s nostrils flared at the interruption before he had even been able to start. “Yes Ms. Hambrick they would but none have been presented to me.”

“That’s because we’ve been so focused on the custody case that we haven’t had time to finalize anything.”

“Miss Hambrick, are you trying to blame me for the lack of documentation?”

“No your Honor, I’m saying that we have prioritized Nydia’s needs above our own.”

I’d given him pause at least. “And what documentation would you present if you had time?”

“A pre-nup contract primarily.”

“Mr. Jakob, are you prepared to verify Miss Hambrick’s claim?”

The boss stood up straight and tall and said, “Yes Your Honor, I am.”

A thoughtful moment passed, “Very well, I’ll give you an additional two hours of recess. These documents need to be on my desk at that time. I will not tolerate any more delays. I will be making my decision today.”

The other side started making a lot of noise but I could barely hear it over the pounding of my heart. All I could do was hold Nydia and rock … whether I was rocking her or myself I still don’t know.

“Matt … are you sure you want to do this? We could appeal or bring our own civil action …”

“Enough. We got into this because I allowed myself to follow your suggestions in the first place. How quickly can we get the Pre-Nup written.”

“Matt …”

“Times wasting,” he said and I caught a glimpse of the tough businessman my boss was known to be.

“Miss Hambrick I feel compelled to …”

“Forget it. I want what is best for Nydia and I believe that having her remain in Mr. Jakob’s custody is what is best. We don’t need to turn this into a Greek tragedy. What I walk into this with I keep. Mr. Jakob retains everything that is his. In the event that something happens to either of us, our estates are to be put in trust for Nydia. We’ll work the details of executors and all of that out later. I’m already on the house account and my insurance is paid through my payroll … I … I guess …”

“I’ll continue to cover it Leah. If you trust me to work out the remaining details … unless there is someone else that you’d like to call?”

“There isn’t anyone else. I trusted you to help me with my parents’ estate. I’ve worked for you for long enough and you’ve never harmed me in any way. I’ve never met anyone other than Nydia’s paternal family that has even come close to saying something ill of you. I’m committed. This is about Nydia. I … this isn’t … oh forget it. Let’s just do this.”

And we did. The judge kept us waiting for the rest of the day. Finally, after every other case had been settled or continued he called us back into court and said, “I hereby find that Nydia Gilbert shall remain in the custody of her maternal uncle, Mateo Jakob. Will the lawyers for both parties approach the bench?”

Just like that … or almost. When Mr. Jakob’s lawyer returned to us she said, “He is going to wring this for all it is worth. He’s withholding his signature on the final documents until proof that a marriage has taken place. We need that signature to proceed with the adoption Matt. If you were planning on pulling out of this – if either of you were planning to pull out of this – that option is no longer on the table if you want the final decree.”

We were going to be married at the courthouse but someone made a huge deal of it at the firm and somehow I found myself needing a white dress, a cake, and spending an ungodly amount of money that I’d never planned on.

“Make sure I get the bill.”

“I’ll pay for my own dress thank you.”

“Leah …”

“Boss …”

“You didn’t have any trouble calling me Mateo before.”

“That was before.”

“I’m asking you to call me Mateo now. At least let us try and be friends.”

“All right … Mateo. But … look, I … yes, I want to be friends but you are going to have to … make some concessions as well. I’m … old fashioned. I … I have a dress I can use. It won’t embarrass you and I would prefer to … retain some … some independence in what is going on. Please.”

“I got you into this. It’s my responsibility to …”

“You didn’t put a gun to my head. I made a choice. I might not have made such a choice under any other circumstances but we both want what is best for Nydia. Just let me … retain … a certain … certain …”

“Independence?”

“Let’s call it … autonomy.”

“Fair enough. But I mean it Leah. I … I don’t want you to spend all your savings on this … on this … situation.”

“I won’t. But I won’t be an embarrassment either. I just need to feel a little … more in control than I have been. I … I trust you but I’m feeling so overwhelmed at the moment.”

 

[Kathy in FL]

Part One - 7

That night the boss … guess I really do need to start calling him Mateo even if I have a hard time swallowing around the word “husband’ … asked if we could talk again.

“Leah, we never revisited your compensation in this and … wait, please hear me out. I realize calling it compensation makes you feel uncomfortable. I don’t mean it to be but I want you to understand that I don’t intend on taking advantage of you. I want you to know that I’ll do my best to see that you are financially secure and provided for and …”

He kept on talking about different kind of investments and settlements and I honestly don’t know what all. It was like white noise to me. “Mr. Jakob … Mateo … I appreciate what you are doing on my behalf. I truly do. I feel more than a little mercenary when the subject is brought up but that’s my problem, not yours. It’s like we are talking two different languages. I’m more concerned with continuing our agreement concerning Nydia … that you won’t suddenly just dump me out of her life now that the custody issue has been laid to rest. I’ve … I’ve given this a great deal of thought. I’ve prayed about it. I’m not really sure why but I do feel like I’m fulfilling one of the things that I’ve been put on this earth to do. If you can just … find some way to … to …”

“I’ll put it in writing as an addendum to the Pre-Nup if that will make you feel better.”

Embarrassed I said, “I hate to say it but yes, please do that. And … and if it would make you more comfortable you can add that if for whatever reason you find that I’m morally incapable of …”

“Leah, I’ve known you long enough to know that isn’t something I need to worry about but likely the lawyer will have something to say about it. Soon this will be all behind us and we’ll be able to go back to our normal lives.”

I nearly laughed at him when he said that. Normal lives? I was beginning to wonder if I would ever return to “normal.” I missed dull, still do. I wanted things back the way they were when I was a kid and life so much simpler. But I also knew to get that I’d have to give up too much.

So we were married in a small chapel near his office complex. I wore a dress I had made for a state fair competition during high school. The dress had come in third place. I’d matured since the dress was made and no longer thought of myself as Sleeping Beauty waiting for my prince to kiss me awake. I stopped believing in fairy tales when Hank cheated on me for the last time. I wanted the dress to reflect that. I took off most of the heavy lace and beading. I cringed remembering all of the hours I spent attaching it by hand but this wasn’t the first time I’d had to make over clothing, so I set my mind to the task at hand.

When I got down to the basic shell I was left with a simple corseted sleevless dress with an a-line skirt and a small chapel length train. I attached three rows of faux pearls instead of sleeves. I restrung the corset top with new silk ribbons that Bea and her mother helped me tie on my wedding day. Instead of fancy beading I wore my great great grandmother’s pearl necklace and my mother’s pearl drop earrings Dad had given her after I was born. I wore my hair in a Grecian up-style and also had faux pearls woven through the curls that, just for the day, I allowed to go without the discipline of the flatiron. The skirt fell to the floor over the top of a petticoat lightly stiffened with boning at the hem; plain and unadorned. My shoes were ribbon sandals so it was almost like being barefoot under the dress. The only other item that completed the look was my bouquet of three white calla lilies tied with a plain white ribbon.

Because my own minister had been scheduled at a mission conference we used Bea’s uncle who was an ordained minister, though not currently shepherding a church. Mateo was extremely uncomfortable; it was easier for him to open his wallet than it was for him to open his mouth.

“I understand you want a very simple ceremony.”

After looking at Mateo and deciding he was turning out to be absolutely no help I said, “Yes. We … we would like a ceremony that shows our commitment but doesn’t get terribly … mushy. If you could leave out … love … and make a bigger deal out of honor and respect that would be perfect.”

He gave a perplexed smile, “Usually the people I marry want it the other way around. It is all about love and they want to remove the ‘honor and obey’ portion.”

“Oh, I don’t have problems with obeying or honoring or respecting … whatever you want to call it. We are just both … private … and the people attending the wedding are mostly there because … frankly because they are just nosey. A few people are close friends like Bea but for the rest of them … neither one of us has family attending and this is primarily to make a public statement to let people know that we’ve made a public commitment to our common goals.”

He quirked an eyebrow but agreed to alter the marriage vows to leave out the word “love” despite finding the request unusual. As we left the rehearsal, Nydia let it be known that it was past her bedtime and that she was in no way pleased by the fact. She finally calmed down after we had been on the road for a few minutes and was asleep before we got on the interstate to return home on the other side of town.

“Thank you.”

Mateo had startled me out of my mental list making and I asked, “What?”

“I said thank you. For handling the ceremony details.”

“Uh sure. You … you didn’t want to add or change ...”

“No. No, you handled it well.”

The next day was the wedding and I didn’t know 90% of the people there. Some of my friends from church came, a few high school friends, and Bea and her mother of course. The reception was a mix of catered elegance that Mateo had ordered for the occasion and homemade goodies brought by the people on the bride’s side of the aisle. In deference to the time of day the only liquor was the bubbly used to toast us with and I made sure that there was enough nonalcoholic refreshments to satisfy those that didn’t or couldn’t imbibe.

A hyper young man approached us immediately after the ceremony and told us where to stand and what to do as he flashed an uncountable number of photos. As the young man bounded off to “get some shots” of the reception I turned to Mateo and asked, “Who on earth was that?”

“A last-minute wedding present from one of the Board members. It’s her nephew and he is starting up his own business.”

“Oh. Will he expect …”

“It’s all taken care of.”

I thought everything was going smashingly well despite being nearly blinded and had actually started to relax and have a good time. That is until Rachel showed up with her fiancé in tow and Papa Lazaro not too far away listening in.

“Oh my. We were all just so surprised … well, is there any other announcement that you plan on making in the near future?”

I’m not stupid but it took me a few moments to figure out what everyone was snickering about. “If you are wondering if I’m pregnant the answer is no. Whatever type of relationship that you and Mateo had in the past Rachel, I can assure you that he has never been anything other than a perfect gentleman with me. I respect him a great deal, and he me.”

“How … lovely for you I’m sure. Obviously your relationship isn’t built on excitement. I’m afraid I always did find Matt a little boring.”

“Then obviously we don’t value the same characteristics in people. I prefer Mateo’s honesty and consistency. I know I can trust him implicitly. He is a real man and has worked hard for his position. No one gave it to him just because he was family or because he was dating the boss’s daughter.”

Youch, you would have thought I had tied a lit firecracker to that she cat’s tail the way she took off out of there. It wasn’t until I left to change the little flower girl’s diaper … Mateo had carried her in his arms and she had pulled off his boutonniere and thrown it into the pews much to everyone’s amusement … that I learned that Mateo had several people tell him about my run in with Rachel.

“Leah … I realize that … Rachel can be …”

“Mateo, if I embarrassed you I apologize; however, I won’t be browbeaten by her or her paramour. What they did to you was inexcusable. The problems that they caused with Nydia’s custody is why we are here today. I respect that you still have feelings for the woman, but I have to say I don’t have much respect for her. Someone that would use a baby like Nydia as a pawn is not someone that I want to make nice with.”

After a brief but silent struggle he said, “Very well. I am asking you however to remember that I must work with these people, many of whom sympathize with the Lazaro family. I can’t afford to make too many enemies.”

I took a breath and counted to ten before saying, “All right. I will be as polite as I am able. I … I’m sorry. I don’t want to cause problems of any sort. I’ll do my best to avoid her without making it look like I’m running from her.”

Suddenly he relaxed and leaned against the wall. “The two of you are very different but there is a lot that is similar.” I did not appreciate the comparison in the least. “Leah, I know this is a lot for both of us and will take some getting used to and … some compromises for both of us as well. My concern is to protect what we’ve built so that we can protect Nydia. Rachel is used to having her own way and will go to great lengths to get it. She is going to try and push you and she’ll have her friends attempt to rattle you as well to find out more than she has a right to know. I suppose I should have expected this. Just do what you can. Something is up around the office and I need to be on guard.”

“Something to do with …this situation?”

“No, at least I don’t believe so. It’s at the top and Mr. Lazaro is nervous. Lots of closed meetings with the Board. He’s avoided the VPs’ meetings for two weeks now and he’s usually in there as the Board’s representative. The last time it was like this one of the major partners left and took a chunk of the customer base with him. Whatever it is, it is big.”

Big? I should say it was. A week after we were married the news came down. Mr. Lazaro and two of the Board members were caught in a ponzi type investment scheme. They used the firm’s good name to cover for their activities and now the SEC is involved. The firm is under heavy investigation, even those that had nothing to do with the scheme. Mateo was one of the first portfolios investigated; he was cleared two weeks later but it hasn’t helped much. Many of his clients have pulled their accounts, not just from him but from the firm and the firm has lost a great many accounts and is in danger of failing. Despite being cleared by the SEC the firm decided to put Mateo first on the chopping block to act as a public scapegoat. They didn’t get one in Mateo because he pulled a preemptive strike.

Mateo has a friend from college that works for a local FOX news affiliate. He took his story to the airwaves, explaining his position and that the SEC had cleared him and now that they had he felt free to leave the firm. The news piece came out before the firm’s Board could oust him. Mateo also contacted all of his clients personally and explained things and made recommendations for local brokers to continue their investments. He left with a clear conscience and a clean slate … but that brought problems of its own.

No one is hiring right now, not even someone of Mateo’s talent. He sits at his desk all day long and sometimes long into the night doing who knows what. I can tell he is stressed. We aren’t close enough for me to know what to do to help him. I’ve been a wife for a whole month but nothing has really changed in most respects. I’m no more than the housekeeper and nanny that I was before. Nydia is our one bright spot. Every day lunch is a picnic in the backyard and an hour of play time with her uncle. She loves having Mateo home to play with. I honestly believe she is the one reason he is trying to hold on.

I know I should be nervous. I am but more out of concern for the boss … I mean Mateo. I did something today I didn’t think through enough. When I went to the grocery store and vegetable stand I used my own savings to pay the bills. I was able to get some really good deals so when I came in I pulled up to the garage to unload rather than pack everything through the house. Mateo saw the abundance and pulled himself out of his office chair long enough to help. He said he’d take the receipts and key them in for me but when I casually explained that the money hadn’t come out of the house account he started wigging out.

For the first time I got to see Mateo’s temper directed at me, and I don’t like it. It flashes hot and I got scorched. Thing is, he got a dose of my temper in repayment as well.

“No Mateo, you listen to me. We agreed that this was a partnership for Nydia’s benefit. It is not going to kill me to foot the bill every once in a while and it isn’t going to kill you to let me. To be honest I don’t know what state your financial affairs are in; I never considered them to be any of my business. As far as I know they still aren’t any of my business so long as Nydia is taken care of. If there is something you need me to know you’ll tell me and I’m fine with that because that was the agreement; you keep yours and I keep mine. And the reason I haven’t taken my ‘pay’ out of the house funds is because I no longer work for you but with you. I’m trying to help for crying out loud! Acting like a wounded water buffalo because I’m not spending your money hand over fist simply doesn’t make any sense to me!!”

I have no clue what it was I said but his lips started to twitch. “I haven’t lost my temper like that in a long time Leah. I’m afraid this entire situation has … has …”

“Got you bent out of shape?”

“Yes, to put it mildly. Yes. We need to talk. Not tonight, I still have some reports to finish. Do you have time tomorrow?”

“Nydia and I were invited to a MOPS play date in the morning but we’ll be back before lunch.”

“OK then, we’ll have lunch and then Nydia will go down for her nap and that should give us the time we need for our discussion.”

So my day is planned out tomorrow; today actually, it is past midnight. At least the day is planned until I find out what Mateo wants to “discuss.” After our fight – the first one I’ve ever had with him in nearly two years – I did a lot of soul searching and analyzing the unexpected changes that have occurred in my life since I left college. It all seemed so simple once. Now I feel I’m on the brink of yet another change. Where is this one going to take me?

 

[sssarawolf]

Very big thank you, yes I am rereading this story lol.

 

[Lake Lili]

Thanks Kathy!
Lili

 

[Kathy in FL]

Part Two - 1: Broke But Not Broken

This was the first time Nydia and I had been invited to a MOPS play date. MOPS stands for Mothers of Preschoolers. I was the closest thing to a mother that Nydia had and realizing that was a little earth shattering for me. I tried to keep my attachment to her in perspective, but it was a losing battle every time I tried. I wanted desperately to make a good impression on the real mothers so I made a snack to take. For the moms I made Just Peachie Bars.

I took an eight-ounce tub of refrigerated crescent rolls and separated the dough into two rectangles that I pressed into the bottom and a half-inch up the sides of an ungreased 13 x 9 inch baking pan. I set that to the side and blended together eight ounces of softened cream cheese, one quarter cup of sugar, three tablespoons of all-purpose flour, one tablespoon of lemon juice, and one egg until everything was light and fluffy. I spread the mixed over the dough and baked it at 375 degrees F for about twenty minutes. When I pulled it out of the oven I topped it with a little more than a half cup of peach preserves, the tail end of the last jar my mother had put up. I put the pan into the refrigerator to cool until I had finished feeding and dressing Nydia.

For the little ones I brought a grab bag of mixed animal crackers, Teddy Grahams, Cheerios, and mini rice cakes. I should have just left everything separate. One boy had milk allergies and could only eat the animal crackers. A couple of others had wheat allergies and could only eat the rice cakes. Another was on a reduced sugar diet and could only eat the Cheerios. And the rest fought over the number of Teddies they got in their handful. This was a totally different dynamic than I was used to, but it was still kind of fun … not counting the squabbles over headless crackers. When it was time for Nydia and I to leave we were encouraged to come back and I was giving it serious consideration.

Nydia babbled and talked all the way home and we walked through the door the same time Mateo did with a bag from the local Chinese take-out restaurant.

“I thought you could use a break. We can eat out of the cartons on the lanai table.”

I love Chinese food, and was grateful not to have to cook, but I was nervous about our meeting and suspicious of his good mood coming as it did after a week of being shut up in his office all morose.

“Are we celebrating something?”

“Possibly. That’s what we need to talk about.”

That gave me a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. I don’t know what I was so upset about. I knew the only purpose to our partnership was Nydia’s custody. We’d received the final decree already and the adoption was on the fast track after Nydia’s biological father had hunted up Mateo’s lawyer out of the blue to sever his parental rights. It seems I had been correct; he hadn’t wanted anything to do with fatherhood and never had. He claimed to be a “free spirit” and the lawyer confidently said that he was “free of something all right, mostly intellect and commonsense.” She said he went on and on about hearing God tell him it was his job to sow the seeds but not his job to cultivate them; thus his total lack of cooperation in the custody battle his parents put up. Mateo said it sounded like he’d finally overdone the mushrooms or LSD or whatever it was he was last into.

“Have a seat,” Mateo said in his deep rumble that just barely hinted at his mother’s Hispanic heritage.

I turned from putting Nydia in her high chair to find Mateo holding my chair for me. He had never done that for me before. He was always a gentleman and had suave manners but he’d never gone that far in my memory. So I sat and settled only to find him passing me a can of pop and a carton of pork fried rice, both my favorites.

“Did I get the order right?”

It took me two tries before I could say, “Yes, thank you.”

I wanted to ask him how he knew but couldn’t seem to form the question well enough to set voice to it. I gave up when Mateo started eating. We both took turns feeding Lo Mein noodles to Nydia.

“Leah, I have some papers for you to sign.”

I stiffened my upper lip and took the pen and papers he’d passed my way. I gave it a cursory look and then picked them up to look more closely.

“These … this says …”

“You’re the only one she’s ever known. I’m not sure what my niece would think but I know my sister would approve. She had originally expected my niece to give the baby up for adoption but she and my brother-in-law supported her decision to keep the baby at the eleventh hour.”

“Mateo … are … are you sure?”

“Why? Have you changed your mind?” I heard concern creep into his voice.

“No! No, not at all. I … I just expected …” I stuttered then became too choked up to continue.

“Expected what?”

“Everything is going your way now. You … you don’t need me anymore. I … I thought you wanted me to sign papers that pertained to … severing our partnership.”

A brief pause from Mateo and then he asked, “Is that what you want?”

“I said that is what I expected.”

“But is that what you want? Haven’t things been going well? Aside from our argument last night that is. Leah?”

I wiped my mouth on my napkin and then put my hands, clinched tightly, under the table in my lap where he couldn’t see them. “I said that is what I expected. I didn’t … didn’t say that … that is what I wanted.”

“Oh. Well. Then … then after you’ve signed those papers I have … a … uh … proposition for you to consider.”

The papers were an addendum to the adoption packet adding me as a petitioner. Mateo was listed as father and I would legally become Nydia’s mother in my own right and not just because we were married. It gave me all the “rights and responsibilities thereof.” I was having a hard time believing he had thought to do this. I had gone from nanny to auntie to mommy all in the space of a month.

Nydia was falling asleep in her sippy cup so we washed her up and put her down for her nap and then we went to his office to finish our talk. Instead of sitting with his desk between us as we normally did Mateo guided us to the small leather sofa pushed against the opposite wall.

“Leah, I didn’t plan on things occurring in the sequence in which they did. It’s put my plans into a tailspin. I had hoped to be able to settle a larger amount on you but if you hear me out we … we might be able to come to a mutually satisfying arrangement.”

A little disappointed I said, “Mateo I’ve told you numerous times that I did not do this for any type of remuneration.”

“I’m aware of that Leah but you’re my wife and it is my responsibility to see to your welfare.”

He startled me by saying it that way and the words left my mouth before I’d given them full thought. “I’m not, not really, and we both know it.”

“Not what?”

“Your wife of course. This is a partnership, an … an arrangement to protect Nydia. You are under no obligation to me to …”

“Leah let me cover that in a moment. First things first.”

I had no idea what he meant by that but I let him continue. “I’ve spent the last week going over everything. This house was a foreclosure when I bought it at auction.” I had to smile. Mateo is as fond of auctions as some men are fond of football and puts at least as much energy into them. “I refinanced fifty percent of the asking price right afterwards with a ten-year amortization on a five year note. The balloon payment is coming due in four months and I planned to cash in some of my investments to cover it but I’m going to cash out my stock in the firm instead. My contract guaranteed a minimum amount cash-in value and that should cover most of the pay off if I do it this week. I’m well passed the pre-payment penalty restriction and what the stock doesn’t pay will be covered by a CD I set aside for emergencies.”

I wasn’t sure what response I was supposed to make to this. Mateo had never discussed anything of this particular magnitude with me that didn’t pertain directly with Nydia.

“Are you interested in what I’m saying at all?” he asked and I heard a little hurt in his voice.

“Mateo … do … do I have any right to be interested in this? I don’t want to say the wrong thing or ask an inappropriate question.”

He got an odd look on his face then a light seemed to go on. “Leah when we agreed to marry, I was fully committing to the arrangement. I realize that you are young and unless I’m mistaken, inexperienced. I’ve obviously not handled this as well as I could have.”

I wasn’t sure if I resented his over simplified assessment of me or not. I did know I was embarrassed when he put his arm on the sofa behind me and moved closer.

“Leah, you are my wife by my offer and your acceptance. My offer included all that the position entails including knowledge of and access to my assets. I have nothing to hide from you. I would like you to share my interest in the financial success of this marriage. I had thought you would find it interesting considering your past participation in the housekeeping budget.”

“It’s not that I’m not interested. Not at all. I just … just …” His arm had shifted a little lower on the sofa and was now a light weight against my shoulders. “Um, I’m interested but I’m not sure exactly … um …” I couldn’t seem to think with him sitting that close, at least not about what I was supposed to be thinking about. Two years and some months suddenly seemed a long time since I’d broken up with Hank and it was hitting home that I was a married woman now.

“Then I don’t see a problem.” He sat back giving me some space and I’m not sure if I appreciated it or not. “We’ll work through this. I just want you to know I have the housing aspect of my plan covered.”

At that point I felt compelled to ask, “Housing aspect? Maybe you should explain about your plan so I can avoid stupid questions.”

“I don’t foresee you having a problem with that Leah. You are intelligent, thank God, and have always been intuitive to my instructions.”

Oh brother. I may have suddenly discovered that Mateo had the ability to curl my toes but there is no getting around he can be a piece of work sometimes. It wasn’t all that surprising that he was on the other side of thirty-five and still unmarried before we fell into things if that was the way he talked to all the females in his life. Carmen had called him spoiled by his mother and sister. I’m not sure I would go that far but he’d never had to moderate that extra bit of male arrogance he tended to cart around either.

 

[Kathy in FL]

Part Two - 2

“My plan on its face is a basic one. Shelter, food, transportation, and long-term financial security. However, my roadmap to the goals have developed some unexpected detours in the last few years. My advancement to the position of VP and my father’s death coincided at roughly the same time. I was going to have Mother move in with me. In fact, I bought this place with her in mind because of the in-law suite that is now used as the nursery and your bedroom. I wanted her to have a better home than my Dad had been able to afford after all the sacrifices she had made over the years. He had worked forty-six years at sixty and seventy hours per week for the same company and then died just a year after retirement a miserable old curmudgeon because he didn’t know what to do with himself. Mom surprised me by preferring to live with my sister and brother-in-law. She got sick two years later and again I was going to move her in here so that she could have full time help but she never left the hospital. Then my niece … well, you know that story … and then Nydia, and our situation, and now I’ve been forced through no fault of my own to leave the firm I had expected to be made a partner at in the not-too-distant future. The changes have been quite daunting. I know you can commiserate with me there.”

His acknowledging my own unexpected life events made me realize that he might know more about me than I had thought.

“Be that as it may, I still have to deal with the way things are now rather than what I expected them to be by this time. And this is where I hope we can work together.” He got close again but I was starting to enjoy it.

“I’ve found your ideas for budgeting fascinating. The experiments have garnered more success than I could have imagined.” High praise indeed. “I was wondering if … well, if there were other ideas that you had that you haven’t mentioned.”

“What kind of ideas?”

“Hmmm. Actually I suppose I should apologize for invading your privacy but I was looking for Nydia’s sunbonnet last week and I noticed the books in your room. Rather unusual reading for a young, unmarried woman.”

“Books?” I squeaked. I was desperately trying to remember if I’d left any of the bodice-ripper type romances that occasionally tempted me out where he could see them.

“Yes. Gardening in Florida, Solar Power in the South, Homemade Mixes Made Easy, Cooking from Scratch, Food Storage Made Easy, Fortifying Your Castle and those are just a few of the titles I can remember off the top of my head.”

“Oh … oh those books,” I said relieved. “Mom and Dad were fond of giving me books as gifts once I got old enough to appreciate them. They were for my hope chest. Some of the older ones actually belonged to my parents and were well-used parts of their own library.”

“Hope chest?”

“Mmmm. A dowry chest? A place … mine was actually a cedar chest my father made for me, the big one you helped me shove into the corner of the storage locker … where girls save linens and household items to take with them when they start homes of their own.”

“Oh … I see.” But it was pretty obvious he didn’t.

I smiled at him and said, “Don’t worry about it. It isn’t much in fashion these days though it seems a shame. Young married couples wouldn’t have to be so dependent on gifts or credit cards to start their homes out with if things were saved up in advance.”

“See, that is precisely what I’m speaking of. You have a rather unusual way of looking at things that I find fascinating.” I nearly laughed again at the back handed way he always delivered what I’m sure he considered a compliment. “If you had funds, not unlimited but significant, to implement some of the ideas from those books, what would you do?”

“Hypothetically?”

“Yes … and no. Take this house for instance. It sits on a two-and-a-half-acre narrow rectangle with a half-acre of that being lowlands with a pond that feeds into the swamp back there. What would be some of the first things you would do if you were to have your own way?”

I realized he was serious, so I gave it some thought. “First, I would do something about the fencing. The gate and fence at the road are in great shape but the fences that run on the east and west sides of the property are pretty sad. I’d leave the hedges at the front but maybe see if the neighbors want to split the cost of running a new post and nine-gauge mesh fence that you could have professionally installed; those require stretching so that they hang and level properly. If they won’t split the cost, then I say you put in concrete block pillars that you pour solid, and stucco over and then hit up those auctions you are so fond of and buy up some old six- or eight-foot wrought iron fence pieces. Nothing fancy because of what I would do next. Regardless of the type of fence I would string an electric wire – or two – along the fence at the bottom and then about chest high of those big dogs next door and power them with a 12V solar fence charger. Then on top of that I would plant the whole length in fruiting brambleberries like blackberries or other native fruit species.”

“That’s just the first thing you would do? Leah, fencing is expensive. I’ve priced it since those two fence sections have bothered me as well, especially now that Nydia is walking … running … all over the place.”

“That’s where the auctions come in. It may take a while and the fence pieces may not all match but some of that can be disguised with a little welding here and there. The block pillars are no big deal … hit Home Depot or some other building supply place – there are actually cheaper supplies at the concrete plants if you know who to call – get a wheel barrow, shovel, some sand, a good level and some ready mix and you’re in business.”

He laughed, “In business with whom?”

I stood up and gave a bow. “Leah, surely you aren’t suggesting that you …”

“Mateo, my Dad did everything around our house … I mean everything. He even built the addition behind the garage and his workshop in the back corner of the lot. You saw them for yourself. Could you tell they weren’t hired out?” At his negative head shake I continued, “I didn’t have a brother and Dad had to have someone to help him. Besides, I was Daddy’s little girl and I lived for his approval. He taught me to use every tool in his shop and make lots of household repairs. About the only thing construction-wise I don’t like to do is change electrical breakers out but I can do it if I must. I can also change my own oil and brake pads on my car. I just take it over to Bea’s brother’s garage to do it so I don’t get oil on your driveway.”

The shoulder lifted away from me again and I was suddenly aware of how unfeminine all of that must sound. I felt like I had been a braggart and was trying to figure out how to undo the damage when he startled me by putting his finger under my chin and really looking at me for what seems like the first time. “I had no idea Leah. And you didn’t need to go to your friend’s place. Saving money is nothing to be ashamed of.”

I tilted my chin up a little further out of his reach and said, “I’m not ashamed of where I come from Mateo. And I’m not ashamed of what I do to save money. In fact, I make it a policy to avoid doing things that I would be ashamed of.”

“Until you married me.”

“It isn’t being your wife that I’m ashamed of Mateo, it is the lie that put us here. It was wrong and … but it’s over and I can’t go back and change it. I just don’t want to make it worse by pretending things are different from what they are. I made a fool of myself over a guy once before and do not want to do that again. We’re partners. That means … that means a lot to me Mateo. But you’ll have to forgive me as I’m still learning where the lines are drawn.”

“Then let’s avoid drawing any lines for the moment.” He was getting in my space again and ran his thumb across my bottom lip. Then he shook himself and sat up straighter and the moment passed like it had never happened.

“After the fence what would you tackle?”

I felt like smashing a pillow down on his head, but I supposed it was for the best all things considered so I went on. “The barn would definitely be next. It could be sinfully useful. I’d follow that with raised garden beds.”

“That barn is a death trap Leah. It needs to be torn down.”

“No it doesn’t. Who told you that? That guy that was here last year that wanted to sell you that steel storage building that looked like an airplane hanger? What a shyster he was. The barn’s frame is perfectly sound, no termites, and the supporting posts are sunk deep in concrete. The metal roof doesn’t have a single leak. The walls and stalls on the other hand need work but most of that is just cosmetic. I assume from the … evidence … the people who owned this place before kept horses. That’s what all of the holes and wear and tear are from. Blasted beasties are more trouble than they are worth.”

“You don’t like horses?”

I shrugged. “I don’t dislike them either. I spent a summer in middle school working at a local boarding stable. For every smart, well-behaved horse there were five that were barely fit for dog food because their owners didn’t train them properly or give them the right attention they needed. They can be nasty … and not just to clean up after either. When one of those animals bites you, you know it, and you never forget it either. They are temperamental and require a great deal of doctoring due to parasites and physical ailments. And people don’t realize that horses are terribly expensive to maintain and feed properly. They are large animals and require the right feed in the correct balance and in the right amount. I saw too many skinny or bloated horses where the owners tried to hold down expenses by not feeding their animals correctly. I’m sure there are people out there that can raise and tend to horses the way they deserve, but I didn’t meet too many of them. I guess it just left a bad taste in my mouth that continues to this day.”

“So I see,” he replied, heavy on the sarcasm.

“Let me guess, you’re a horse person.”

He snorted and shook his head, “No. But Rachel was so I suffered through attending races and riding her father’s thoroughbreds around their acreage in Pasco County just to keep the peace. You’re right though. I watched her go through an ungodly amount of money on those animals and on the tack she had for them.”

The mention of Rachel’s name was the last cold bucket of water I needed to leave fantasyland and return to reality. “For the new barn siding I would cut out any rotted wood and then re-side the whole thing using concrete board. Before I did that however I would dig out the old horse bedding that is rotting in the stalls and have a concrete floor poured.”

“Have it poured?”

“That much concrete you’ll get a better pour if you hire the concrete to be pumped into place. It’ll also be cheaper than making up a bag or two at a time. Have them add that fiberglass stuff to the mix and before it goes in I would form it up and lay a floor drain in each stall in case you want to be able to just hose the place out to clean it. My dad had a couple of floats and I know I put them in storage with his other tools; we could use them. You smooth the concrete out after it is poured and then you give it time to set up and then float the surface again a time or two depending on the finish you want it to have and … uh … I’m speaking Greek aren’t I?”

“No. My father started out in maintenance years ago and did most of the stuff my mother asked him to around the house, and some she wished he hadn’t. I … I just never learned how. He said I made him nervous and that it was just faster for him to do it himself.”

“Sounds like what my uncle used to say to my Dad when he would catch him teaching me to do something. All of my cousins are pretty but useless, even the guys. They’re all professionals and they consider it beneath them to do some of the things that my parents taught me to do for myself. Uh … I didn’t mean ...”

He laughed and said, “It’s all right Leah. I’m well aware that now that I’m not bringing in the salary I was before I’m going to need to make some changes.” Mateo was making notes as I spoke. He was typing one fingered on this little gizmo I knew was the latest incarnation of the electronic personal assistants on the market. He saw me looking and said, “I never gave you a wedding present. You’ll love this.”

He went over to his desk, opened the big bottom drawer, and pulled out this box and handed it to me. “I got them on sale. Open it.” When I did I found there was a twin of the one he was using. “Here’s the owner’s manual,” he said handing me a CDrom. “And I had them set it all up for you. All you need to do is name it. Look, we can even sync them together and share our notes. It comes with free and unlimited texting so we can reach each other at any time without using our cell minutes. And here is a case for it. They only had black. I asked if they had pink but they don’t carry it in that color.”

I was already a little overwhelmed at the gift as I knew those things were not cheap, on sale or not, but the issue of color caught me off guard. “Why would you want pink?”

“Not for me, for you. Women like pink.”

I laughed, “This woman doesn’t, not particularly anyway. Black is definitely more appropriate. It won’t show dirt as much.”

“That’s what I told the salesman. I told you you were intuitive.”

I was something all right but I hadn’t figured out what. Crazy more than likely. Mateo continued on for a while on how we could make notes on the gizmo and then sync them to the computer where he could copy and paste the notes into an Excel spreadsheet he had created. Before he completely lost me in the intricacies of excel formulas and graphing capabilities we returned to the original topic.

 

[Kathy in FL]

Part Two - 3

“Leah, this is going to be great. I was worried at first but I believe that if I invest in our partnership we can easily turn a profit that I can then reinvest in options that will still meet my goal of financial security before retirement. Of course, I’ll continue to look for income potential now but my severance package is adequate if not extravagant despite me being vested at the firm and that should, combined with the current assets, give me some flexibility.”

Nydia decided that she’d had enough nap at that point and we left to get the princess up. He walked into the small sitting area on one end of my bedroom that connects to the nursery and asked if he could borrow some of the books. I said of course and he returned to his office with a seemingly new lease on life.

After he left and I had pulled out Nydia’s blocks for her to play with – her favorite game of the moment was to stack them as high as they’d go and then squeal with glee as she knocked them over – I sat down and looked at the gizmo that I decided to name Spot. It was making some odd noise that turned out to be a text … one of many I received that day … asking me if I knew this or could I really do that or if I had started on something called a “food storage plan.”

By dinner time I was ready to put both Spot and Mateo in the doghouse but he was so enthusiastic as we ate the leftovers from lunch that I just couldn’t make a big deal out of the constant interruptions to my own work schedule.

“Leah, have you read these books? They’re so full of ideas I can’t decide what to start with first.”

“Whoa. Trying to do too many things at once is a bad idea, you’ll get overwhelmed and …”

“Don’t worry. Multi-tasking is my middle name.”

“I’m not worried about your capacity Mateo, it’s that it makes more sense to try and figure out what you want to do and then the best order to do it in relation and correlation to other projects that you want to do.”

“Of course.” I’d managed to offend his sensibilities. “I know that … hmm, what did that food storage book call it …Prepping appears to be very similar to investing and buying insurance. I’m well versed in both. I’m not a complete ignoramus on the subject you know.”

“I know you aren’t and that’s not what I was inferring but wouldn’t you rather do things once than have to redo them when you have to go back and change something because you found your plans keep changing?”

I’d finally managed to pique his interest. “For example?”

“All right, take the food storage plan you wanted to know about. First, how long do you want to prepare for? Two weeks, two months, six months, a year, or even longer? Once you’ve decided that then you sit down and figure out how much food that actually means … and it isn’t just food. You have cleaning supplies, paper goods, the list can seem endless. Next, you have to decide what food you want to store. My mother was of the opinion that you store what you eat and eat what you store and she went from growing season to growing season. On the other hand I’ve met people that believe that long term storage foods are best to serve as a long term fix-it-and-forget-it option. I’m a middle of the roader on it; rotate everyday items for the bulk of your short-term storage, call that the three to six month mark. Then add mid-range items like large supplies of staple goods like rice, flour, dried beans and cornmeal to piece out the foods with a shorter shelf life to meet something approaching a six to nine months goal. And finally top off with truly long-term food items like freeze dried foods in number ten cans or super pails which could bring you to a year or longer goal. But even after you find out the how much and the what you have to figure out the financial end of things. I’m not sure that even you could afford to buy a full year of food storage for a … a family … of, um, the three of us … all in one fell swoop once you add in all of the non-food items that would be necessary to have. So, you would need to figure a plan of when, what, and how much to buy that would fit the budget … fit the budget that is also supposed to include all of those other big plans you are talking about implementing.”

He was getting an odd look on his face but he was definitely listening. “And we aren’t even done there. Having all of that stuff is well and good … there isn’t too much that I can’t figure out how to turn into a decent meal … but you need to figure out what you expect me to cook it with – wood, gas, electric, solar, what fuel to use with each, how much of that to store, and spare parts in case of any break downs – and you need to have a place to actually put what you are storing.”

I am now firmly convinced I know absolutely nothing about men. By the time I was finished he had this predatory smile on his face and I had a feeling it was either run or face the consequences real fast. “Have you ever been dancing?”

“Excuse me?”

“Did what’s-his-name ever take you dancing?”

“Hank and I went swing dancing a few times. What has that got to do with anything?”

“Leave the dishes for a few minutes. Nydia is half asleep already. Let’s put her down for the night and then I’ll show you.”

I’d already given Nydia her bath and fed her earlier. If I waited to feed her on the European hours that Mateo often kept she’d be cranky and starving by our dinner time and no fun at all. She was satisfied with one reading of “There’s a Monster at the End of this Book” and lights out was easier than it normally was. Mateo guided me back to the family room and he put some music on that sounded familiar but that I couldn’t quite place.

“My Mom and Dad were introduced at the old Cuban Club in Ybor. Every anniversary for as long as I can remember he would take her to the original Columbia Restaurant for dinner and then out dancing afterwards. Relax, you’ll like this.”

OK, so maybe Mateo isn’t quite as clumsy with women as he sometimes appears. We danced for a good twenty minutes looking like something out of an old 40s movie when his cell phone rang. Very few people have his cell number and he answered it without checking to see who it was since it could only have been an emergency. His demeanor changed in a flash.

“Rachel. Stop talking so loudly, I can’t understand a word you are saying.”

Then I was left listening to a one-sided conversation as he sat on the sofa and I went into the kitchen to put the dishes in the dishwasher.

“You’re where? … (dead silence) … Yes, yes I’m still here. … What do you want me to say? I’m sorry? … No, no I’m not dancing with glee … No, not that either. Where’s your fiancé? … Oh, well, you’re better off without him if this is how he is going to act … That really isn’t possible Rachel … No. … Circumstances have changed Rachel, you know that …” and then he stepped into his office and quietly closed the door. He was still on the phone an hour later so I turned off the stereo, set the alarm since it was quite late, turned off the lights, and went to get ready for bed.

I was trying very hard not to think about anything by working on next month’s menu and doing an arithmetic exercise where I took the current month’s and the next months’ menus and then worked out the grocery list and multiplied that by various times to try and get an idea of what a short-term food storage plan would cost using today’s prices. I was finally growing too tired to worry about it when there was a knock on my door.

“I saw your light on. I’m … I’m sorry for the interruption.”

“That’s all right. You and Rachel … you have … there’s a lot of history there.”

He leaned against the doorframe but only “Humphed” and I had no clue what it was supposed to mean.

“Is … it sounded like she … If you don’t want me to ask just say so.”

“No. It’s all right. Mr. Lazaro was arrested this afternoon. Rachel’s nice safe cocoon is coming unraveled. Her fiancé broke it off in a text message and asked her to keep her distance until after the furor dies down. Her mother has basically left the planet for a while and it looks like her brother might have been involved as well though he hasn’t been arrested yet. She wanted me to come down and help her figure out how to bail her father out.”

“Isn’t that what lawyers are for?”

“Their family lawyer has ‘strongly suggested’ they find another lawyer which is just another way of saying find one or I’ll quit and leave you high and dry.” This time he ended the statement with a snort.

“Are you … are you going down there?”

“No.”

“Oh.”

I realized suddenly that I was standing there in my night gown and housecoat. The reason I realized it is because Mateo said, “We never finished our dance.”

“Uh …”

“I meant it Leah. I agreed to this being a real marriage. And we never got around to discussing my proposition.” And then his cell phone went off again. But this time he hit the ignore button and turned the volume to silent as he took my hand and pulled me back down the hall to the family room. He gently pushed me onto the sofa and then pulled an ottoman over to sit in front of me.

“How would you feel about me courting you?”

“What?!”

“Courting you. How would you feel about that?”

“Courting … um … that’s … that dating. I think we’ve … that is I mean …”

He got that predatory smile on his face again and then said, “I said courting and I meant courting. I’m well aware that it is going to take some convincing to get you to realize we have a good thing here Leah. Look what we’ve already accomplished just talking today? All of these plans. All of these goals.” He was getting in my personal space again and breathing wasn’t any easier than it had been last time. “I think I’ll enjoy the challenge of convincing you how much … further … we can go. It’s going to take a little … cooperation … on your part however.”

The temperature in the room was definitely going up. I was all set to fall for it hook, line, and sinker when there came a banging on the front door that made us both jump.

Mateo growled, “What the?!” before leaving me to go find out who it was.

I followed him and then heard him curse before opening the door. Rachel practically fell in completely hysterical. “You didn’t answer your phone. No one is answering their phone. Not now. I told you I needed help. I can’t do this.” And on and on. She never even saw me.

I took one look at Mateo’s horrified expression as Rachel tried to climb all over him and knew I was going to have to get involved. I grabbed her arm and turned her around. “When’s the last time you ate?”

“What?! What are you doing here?!”

Oh boy, she’d been drowning her troubles and when she breathed in my direction my eyes watered. “On second thought, I think a pot of coffee would be more the thing. Come on. Mateo, make sure she didn’t crash the gates.” That brought his head around and sent him out into the night in a hurry as I got Rachel poured into a kitchen chair.

Two pots of coffee later, the arrival of a taxi, and a call to the Lazaro’s house staff to let them know she was on her way and Mateo and I were exhausted by all of the drama. I washed out the coffee pot and the mugs and turned to find Mateo still sitting at the table with his head on his arms. He groaned, “This is most definitely not how I planned this to go.”

“The key to success if flexibility.”

“What?” he groaned.

“One of the things my Dad used to say. He had a few that I heard so much as a kid that I swore I’d never say them to mine … but I find myself repeating them all the time lately. ‘Any job worth doing is worth doing well. In for a penny, in for a pound. Good fences make good neighbors. Anything worth having is worth working for.’ And if you add the stuff my Mom used to say that list gets pretty long.” As tired as I was thinking of my parents still managed to bring a smile.

“I like that last one.”

“Huh?” I asked right before he stepped up to me and kissed me full on the lips.

“Thank you for not having hysterics over Rachel. I’ve never seen her like this. I … I owe her a bit of … something. I’m not sure what but … I don’t mean for it to interfere with what we are building.”

“Um. OK.” I mean, what was I supposed to say?

Neither one of us got much sleep, he in his room and me in mine. I had learned that he could make my toes curl all the way up to my knee caps but I don’t think either one of us was in the mood to go “courting” after those hours trying to sober Rachel up enough to get her home in one piece.

Nydia’s alarm went off early which meant I had even less sleep and I stumbled through the morning after checking to make sure someone had come to pick up Rachel’s expensive little sports car. Mateo lurched into the kitchen about ten AM in search of coffee and told me, “You shouldn’t have let me sleep. I could have helped with Nydia or something.”

“Just … could you watch her long enough for me to grab a shower? I can still smell Rachel’s … perfume.”

“Sure. Take your time. I’m going out to the barn to measure things up.”

I showered and took him at his word and took the time to wash my hair. I combed it out and put it in a long braid and then went outside to see if they were ready for me to fix lunch. I found Mateo sitting with Nydia on the steps of the pool and neither one was the least bit happy about it.

 

[Kathy in FL]

Part Two - 4

“What happened?!”

“Fleas! The barn is infested with them. I didn’t notice until Nydia started crying about ‘itchies’ and by the time I got to her she was covered with them. I looked at my own legs and it was nearly as bad. @#$% …” he stopped, embarrassed when I gave him the eye for cursing, especially in front of Nydia. “They’re that bad Leah. I’m going to have to call out an exterminator. Lord knows how much that is going to cost.”

It was mostly frustration and being upset that Nydia was covered in bites that made him come off like a miser. “Don’t call an exterminator. I’ll try borax first and if that doesn’t help I’ll run over to the Do-It-Yourself-Pest-Control store on Armenia Ave and Busch Blvd.”

“How much is that going to cost?”

“Borax is three or four dollars a box unless I have a coupon for it. It’ll take five or so boxes to treat the first time. If that doesn’t work Dad used to buy this stuff called Demize; a small bottle cost about fifty dollars and covered about fifteen thousand square feet if I remember correctly.”

“Oh. That is cheaper than an exterminator. Does it really work?”

“Dad put it on the yard once a year to keep the sand fleas under control. The people on either side of us had animals and it could get pretty bad. Mom used the borax inside for silverfish and all kinds of pests. It’s better than using unnecessary chemicals, especially with Nydia poking into everything. I’ve got three boxes here we can start with since I use it for the laundry detergent. Let me go put on some long pants and go out there and do it.”

“I should …”

“Mateo, look at you. You’re already covered in bites and Nydia wouldn’t let you go even if you wanted to. Let me do this while you take her in and put some calamine lotion on her. You’ll have to pretend it’s finger paint or she won’t stand still for it. And change in the utility room please and toss your clothes straight into the washing machine. The last thing we need is to get fleas in the house.”

While Mateo did that I put on my lightest colored pair of jeans, used duct tape to tape the bottom of my pants to my socks and then sprayed my shoes, pants, and the rest of me with insect repellent. I took a chipped mason jar and an old ring and used seal to the kitchen, grabbed the ice pick and made a homemade flea powder dispenser by popping holes in the lid and screwing it onto the jar after I had filled it with borax.

What a mess. The fleas didn’t jump on me because of the repellent but I could actually see them jumping around in the sunlight as it came through the barn doors. The three boxes of borax just barely covered everything and I itched like crazy from the imaginary varmints I could feel crawling all over me. Ugh.

I didn’t see Mateo yet so I measured the barn walls and entered them on Spot to test out the “sync” thing that he had been so gaga over the previous day. It was pretty nifty I have to admit. I’d finished measuring and still didn’t see Mateo so I went inside via the garage door and then into the utility room. I was only halfway dressed into a clean work outfit when the door suddenly pulled open and there stood Mateo. I made this stupid “yip” sound.

Macho Mateo was in evidence again and he smiled but turned his back so I could finish dressing. Notice I didn’t say he closed the door.

“I got your text. You didn’t need to measure the barn Leah. I was going to do it when you came back in.”

“I was already out there. Besides I want you to teach me to do that thing with Spot.”

“Uh …”

“The sync thing. Spot is what I’m calling the gizmo you gave me to use.”

“Oh,” he laughed. “Mmmm. Nice legs by the way.”

I stuck my nose in the air and stepped around him and headed to the kitchen after I finished dressing in record time. “You want lunch or not?” I got another decidedly male chuckle out of him and then he said, “Sure, Nydia has already been rattling through the refrigerator looking for her carrot sticks.”

“We need a lock or something for that frig. I catch her trying to get in there all the time now. She’d graze all day long if I let her.”

“Tell Spot.”

That’s what we started calling it. Or “tell Felix” which is what I named Mateo’s little gizmo. If I needed something he would say “tell Spot” and if he wanted to remind me of something he’d “tell Felix.” We said it so often that Nydia picked it up and I had the hardest time explaining to the people at church that Spot and Felix weren’t our pets. They all knew Mateo from where he had started showing up for church services a couple of times a month and the Felix name fit rather well by some people’s opinions.

We had nearly completed four projects when the trouble started. First was the fence. The neighbors on one side were the live and let live types. They didn’t care what we did but they weren’t exactly up for sharing the expense of something mutually beneficial either. The one thing we wound up having to do was ask the neighbor with the five ferocious English bulldogs to keep them penned so that we could install the iron fence pieces after Mateo had finally bought enough of them. I’d built the concrete block columns a few weeks before, after completing the frames for the raised garden beds, and they were nice and cured and had even gone through some rain storms. Mateo was getting frustrated because it seemed a lot of old iron fencing was bypassing the auctions and going straight to the scrap metal yards but he got lucky when a private school went belly up. It wasn’t fun dismantling the fence on-site but we got a better deal that way. I had to get a couple of Bea’s brothers to help but they were happy for the extra work and since it was strictly day-labor type stuff we just paid them as independent contractors and let them worry about taxes and such.

The next project was the barn. Mateo and I did it ourselves. We again paid Bea’s brothers to dig out and haul the old animal bedding to a weird little piece of the property that juts out into the lowlands but which isn’t useful for anything else. That is the compost area. Turns out there was a good clay floor underneath that mess in the barn and I didn’t have to level it out or anything. All I had to do was form it up, put the drains in, and have the concrete poured and the new solid floor was ready to use in under a work week. That’s when I started the much more expensive and time consuming project of residing the barn. I could only work at it a couple of hours a day because of all of my other responsibilities.

Mateo helped but he was trying to make money to replace what was going out so he’d gotten involved in a couple of different enterprises. He was doing a little day trading which made my stomach hurt. I could always tell when he’d had a good day … and when he’d had a bad one. He was messing with precious metals a little although that had its own problems as the government had upped the capital gains specifically on PMs so that it almost wasn’t worth getting into any more. He had also gotten involved in a couple of the auction places as a middle investor after talking with one of my Dad’s old buddies that still did the gun shows. I don’t know what they talked about but Mateo asked me what I had done with all of Dad’s guns and I told him they were in storage with everything else. His eyes got real wide and he gave himself a dope slap and that’s when we emptied the big storage locker and moved all of my parents’ stuff into the garage temporarily until we found places for it around the house.

“Are you sure you want to do this Mateo? I’m not sure it exactly fits in with your … decor.”

“This is our house, not just mine so this is your décor too. I never cared much one way or the other, some of this stuff was left in the house when I bought it and my sister did the rest of it.”

It would startle me for a while to go around a corner and suddenly find myself faced with something that had been in my parents’ house before I was even born but at the same time melding the two households turned out to be a lot easier than I had expected. The antiques my parents had kept from stuff they had inherited had a timeless quality and they found their own niche amongst the more modern stuff that had formerly been the only thing decorating Mateo’s house.

I actually liked Mateo’s house and only had a few things I would have changed about it. My main issue was that it had such clean, modern lines in the rooms that storage was a problem except for the kitchen. The kitchen was great with floor to ceiling cabinets on all four walls except where the appliances were but the rest of the house needed something but I wasn’t sure what. The house was actually huge. It was built in the 90s when oversized was what was popular. It had five good sized bedrooms, three and a half baths, an enormous family room with a real wood burning fireplace, a formal living room, a formal dining room, and a breakfast nook plus a room that was built to be a library and finally Mateo’s office. But, the only bedroom with a decent closet was the master bedroom that had not one but two walk ins. There were three bedrooms downstairs and two completely empty bedrooms upstairs that no one entered except me once a week to dust mop the floors. There was also an odd unfinished bonus room upstairs that hardly anyone knew about. In fact I frequently forgot it was there because the door into it was boarded over and a book case stood in front of it.

I’d first learned of that room when the air conditioner had gone out. I was working for Mateo about nine months when that happened and he literally had to walk me through so I could show the repairman where the inside units were located. They sit inside that room but there aren’t any vents in there. The room gets roasting hot during the summer which is why Mateo kept it boarded up. I had ideas for that space but that would have to wait until I had more time. For now we simply stacked stuff in one of those upstairs bedrooms. The air conditioning unit that cooled the upstairs wasn’t used often either to try and cut down on the electric bill which seemed to go up on a monthly basis no matter what we did. The pool was on solar power thank goodness since it had to be filtered up to seven hours a day to keep it clear; it was our main form of recreation and Mateo used the propane-heated spa almost every evening to relax. I was doing everything in my power to save money so that he wouldn’t have to give up the few extravagances that Mateo had managed to hold onto.

I was well into the food storage plan without even trying because of all of the home preserved foods I had. The freezer was full and I took the time to start rotating some of the older meats out by turning them into soups that I pressured canned. Beef had bottomed out in price and actually had started to go up so I stocked up at every sale I could. Chicken was also bottoming out but eggs were now much more expensive so I learned to use powdered eggs and eggless recipes as much as possible. Pork was going down in price because there was some scare over another swine flu outbreak in the Midwest; it wasn’t the one that had caused the pandemic and the panic was overblown so I took advantage of those sales as much as possible. I ran the canners at least one load a day and I’m sure that was adding to the electric bill but I prayed that the eventual savings at the grocery would offset that in the midterm.

 

[Kathy in FL]

Part Two - 5

The project that overlaid all of the others was really Mateo’s. When he said he was going to court me I wish I had taken more head. We didn’t “date” precisely as we had Nydia to consider, not to mention the fact that we were economizing nearly every penny at this point. We used the public library to get DVDs from or Mateo didn’t mind if we watched the many different history documentaries available through Netflix and he even set it up so that they would stream to the television in the family room so we could watch them on something besides his laptop. Popcorn is about the cheapest snack there is and we ate a lot of it, so much in fact that we went ahead and bought a fifty pound bag of kernels from the warehouse club we belonged to.

We’d be sitting on the sofa with Nydia between us to watch a documentary of something like the life and times of John Adams and she would fall asleep in our laps. He’d volunteer to take her to her bed while I freshened our glasses of homemade sweet iced tea or to pop another bowl of popcorn. I’d sit back down and he’d come back and suddenly he was a whole lot closer and his arm went across the back of the sofa. One thing would lead to another and half the time I couldn’t remember the end of the show we had been watching. We hadn’t taken that final step; I think we were both having too much fun getting there. He’d kiss me goodnight at my bedroom door and he’d go off to his. I’ll admit to some frustration on occasion but at the same time I was very grateful for the way Mateo was handling things.

We almost made a terrible hash of it however when we went to a local festival. I’m not really one for crowds and neither is Mateo but one of his business contacts had given him free tickets and it was a good chance to take Nydia for a little kiddie fun without breaking the bank. I had only gone back to the MOPS meeting a couple of times because all that seemed to get discussed was the economy. I got enough of that at home and the time I saved by not going to the meetings wound up being better utilized working on projects around the house. The ladies were nice, I just needed a break from discussing everyone’s economic woes, not more of it from other sources. Besides, gas was getting more expensive and Mateo and I tried to do as much of our running around during one trip as possible. I’d used my bike to ride to the grocery store once and it had been impossible to really take advantage of any of the sales. It was also harder to do that because it meant putting Nydia in a bike seat which gave me even less room to bring stuff home that way.

The day of the festival was beautiful. We’d been at the fairgrounds barely an hour and Nydia was already so overwhelmed and over excited that it took both Mateo and I to keep up with our little bumble bee. She was pitching an “I want” fit that Mateo was trying to deal with when I was goosed from behind. I jumped, swinging the back pack I used as a diaper bag only to have the scumbag be experienced in the move and duck.

“I knew I knew that pretty backside from some place! Leah … Honey … how ya been?”

I couldn’t say a word. It was Hank and he was rocketing on an empty stomach and beer from the adult beverage tent.

“Leah?”

Mateo had come up behind me making me jump again. He handed me Nydia and then got between me and the drunk man I used to consider my Prince Charming. “I think you’ve had more than sufficient to drink. Perhaps your friends could find you some coffee someplace. I’ll buy.”

Hank and Mateo were of a size. At one time Hank could have taken him easily but not anymore. Mateo’s “executive soft” had gone the same direction as his days of just sitting behind a desk. He wasn’t built like a rock star but he was sure as heck a lot harder and leaner for all the manual labor we’d been doing around the property. He was also deceptively strong for his build. Hank for his part was going to pot. His once lean and mean physique from playing sports and working in his family’s warehouse was being replaced by a haggard face and a beer gut.

“Oh you bought it all right. She finally put out? Was she worth the price?”

Mateo swears I growled and not a small cat growl either. Hank’s brothers grabbed him by the arms and dragged him off. His youngest brother Ronnie found us later and said, “Look Leah, we’re … sorry for what Hank said. He and Sheryl just separated and she’s taking him to the cleaners and Dad is just about ready to fire him over it since it means that Hank may have to sell his shares of the business to give her what her lawyer’s asking for.”

“Fine Ronnie. Tell your family I said hello … and … no hard feelings against them if they were concerned about it. Hank is just history for me and I want to keep it like that.”

“Sure, Leah, sure. Mom will be glad you remembered them.”

“You’re Dad not so much huh?”

“You know how it hurt him that his friendship with your Dad took a nose dive after all the stuff with Hank came out. He was bad hurt you didn’t call them about your folks passing away too.”

“But I did. I talked to Michelle personally.”

“Oh … I guess … that was about the time that Dad fired her. He caught her cooking the books.”

“Oh. Do … do you think I should call them?”

“Nah, not right now. I’ll talk to them. Everything is a mess. If Hank sells the shares outside of the family we could lose control of it and … anyway, it’s just a mess right now.”

I was relieved when Ronnie walked away. I was a little depressed but trying not to let my old life mess with my new but Mateo sensed it. “Do you wish to leave?”

“Hmm? No, what for? That’s the past. This is our present.”

“And future?” he asked as he pulled a curl that had gotten hung up in my sunglasses.

“And our future,” I said, finally smiling.

The day went up from there. Whatever had been eating at Nydia was finally over and she was just happy to look around whether she was treated to something or not. It was like her head was on a swizzle stick and it wasn’t still for more than a second or two at a time. Her mouth ran ninety to nothing too, “Ook Nonny, ook ook at the pitty lights.” She finally fell asleep in the middle of the animal act of the little circus show we had gone to and she stayed that way while Mateo and I shared an overpriced Italian sausage smothered with all the onions and peppers we could handle. Mateo was juggling Nydia trying to eat when we realized the water bottle we’d been sharing was empty.

“I’ll get it if you’ll finish eating and hold Nydia.”

He nodded since his mouth was full. I went to a vendor that was giving away free bottles of water to advertise some purification system and was on my way back to the table when a hand grabbed me from behind. I swung around, he ducked. “That always was your favorite move.”

Hank, only this time he appeared to be sober. He stumbled, “Uh, cute kid. Richie … is about the same age.”

“Almost exactly if what I heard was true.”

“Yeah, about that. Uh, I … I guess I owe you an … an apology.”

“Let it go Hank. I …”

And without warning he grabbed me in a hug and started crying. I had no clue what to do. I tried to push him off but it wasn’t until Ronnie showed up again to drag him away that I got untangled. I was rushing back to the table when I nearly barreled into Mateo.

“Was he hugging you?!”

“I haven’t got a clue what he thought he was doing. Can we just … I don’t know … go someplace so I can visit the ladies room. I smell like beer.”

I guess we both noticed the other’s reaction at the same time. He was furious and I was disgusted. I went from disgusted to upset that he’d been suspicious and he went from mad to chagrined when he realized I hadn’t encouraged Hank in the least.

I still can’t tell you why I was so angry except that it was just one more reminder of how things had been between Hank and I at one point. I tried everything I could but I couldn’t relax and just let it go even though Mateo was obviously trying to soothe my upset by touching me and asking if I wanted different things.

Our walk had taken us to the back of the fairgrounds where the equestrian center and stables were. And who should we run into but Rachel and a bunch of her friends. We’d heard that her father had made bail and that it might never come to trial because there were some pretty high flyers involved. He’d had to sell a lot of his personal assets to make restitution, but he still hadn’t suffered as much nor lost as much as Mateo had. At least that is how it looked at the time.

“Matt, darling! How good of you to come see me ride! You always did know when all of my shows were.”

It was like fingernails across a blackboard and it started wedging out the good sense I claimed to possess. The sound whispered sour notes that said, “He knew about the horse show, you heard him say we could bring Nydia to see the animals back there to calm her down. He knew that Rachel loves horses and you know he still talks to her because when she calls he goes into his office. What did you think this was all about? Look at her, look what you’re competing with. They’re ‘old friends’ don’t forget.”

I knew I had to get out of there and Nydia needed a bathroom break so I took her while Mateo continued to talk to Rachel, her friends, and even the woman I recognized as her mother that had wandered over, frail but still beautiful and looking a good ten years younger than she had any business looking. It took a while since we had to wait in a line and then it took longer still because Nydia had eaten something that didn’t agree with her. By the time I got back outside there was quite a crowd socializing over there and I realized what a truly stunning couple that Rachel and Mateo made.

That awful voice started whispering again, “He loves her you idiot. You’ll never be anything other than second best even though you are Nydia’s mother now. No matter what you do or how long you’re together he’ll always love her best if he ever loves you at all.” Then I remembered the one advantage over Rachel I had and I intended to exploit it. I was and always will be my parents’ daughter.

I stiffened my spine, accepted my fate and went back to insinuate myself into the mass of bodies that seemed to press Mateo and Rachel ever closer together. “Sorry it took so long,” when he looked over with some concern. “There was a line in the ladies’ room.” And I managed to say it with a calm and serene smile.

“Oh,” said a twittering voice, “I’m so not ready for motherhood. I have enough responsibilities on my plate right now thank you very much. The idea of dealing with someone else’s pooh on top of all of it that I have to deal with at work is just too much.” Well, what do you say to something like that? The whole group laughed like it was the funniest thing they’d ever heard, even Rachel.

Mateo looked down at her and said, “Then I guess it’s a good thing I never asked any of you to help me raise Nydia isn’t it.”

 

[Kathy in FL]

Part Two - 6

Rachel, miffed at the implied insult said, “Oh don’t be ridiculous Matt. You know we are only joking. By the way, what are you doing these days? No one seems to have heard that you’re part of a firm or that you’ve started your own business.”

Meow, meow. Mateo’s polite mask was slipping and I could see that he was dying to say something about Rachel’s old man so I stepped in and said, “I’m sure when or if you need to know Rachel, he’ll tell you. Suffice it to say Mateo is putting his time to good use.” I made it sound exotic and mysterious and caught Mateo so off guard that he barked a laugh, something that obviously caught everyone else by surprise. The crowd parted as he made his way to my side and began to make our excuses.

“Oh dear, must you? But we haven’t seen you in over a week Matt.”

Mateo responded to the woman’s feathery, helpless sounding complaint by saying, “My apologies Mrs. Lazaro but we really must be going.”

We’d been walking for nearly ten minutes, both of us tense with unsaid words when Mateo said, “Aren’t you going to ask?”

“About what?”

“About Mrs. Lozaro’s statement.”

“No. You said that you owed Rachel and I have to be satisfied with that. If there is something you want me to know, then I have to … have to trust that you’ll tell me.”

“Bull.”

I looked up and gave him the eye and looked at Nydia and then back at him. “I didn’t curse and besides she’s asleep again. Now why won’t you ask?”

“You want me to ask? You want me to act like a suspicious harridan?”

“Well, no.”

“Then there’s your answer.”

“No it’s not. You have some reason for not asking. Rachel would have been all over it before we’d gotten two steps away from that group.”

I gave him a little elbow in the ribs, not much of one since he was holding Nydia, and said, “In case you haven’t noticed, I’m not Rachel.”

“Oh I’ve noticed.”

That did it. I went from holding my own to being real close to crying. “Hey! Are you … come on.” He put his free hand on the small of my back, steered us out of people traffic and over to a surprisingly empty bench near the llama area. Once we were seated he asked in a quietly fierce voice, “Now will you please explain to me what this display is all about?”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to embarrass you.”

“You aren’t embarrassing me. Driving me slightly insane yes, embarrassing me no. I’m asking you again to please explain yourself.”

Most of the time I can ignore the way he phrases things but this was just a little too much and a tear spilled over and slid from behind my sun glasses. “Here,” he said putting his handkerchief in my hand when I wouldn’t look at him.

“It’s an old story Matt and it just caught up with me is all.”

“What on earth are you talking about? And why are you suddenly calling me Matt instead of Mateo?”

“Please …don’t make a scene.”

“I’ll make a scene if I bloody well feel like it,” he said but he moderated his voice anyway when Nydia started acting like she wanted to wake up. “Now are you going to explain this or are we going to go back to the car and go home?”

For some reason that struck me as funny, very sad funny, and I chuckled wearily as I wiped my eyes with the oversized square of linen. “You sounded just like Hank … oh not the words but the tone … when I wouldn’t tell him something. His dad is the same way.”

“I don’t appreciate being compared to that drunken slob. Where did your common sense go when it came to him anyway?” Mateo asked obviously disgusted by the idea of me being with Hank.

The question took me down memory lane. “He wasn’t like this in high school; at least not the drinking part. He was on the baseball team, popular, and actually pretty fun to be with if you didn’t mind the sports-on-the-brain crowd he hung with. Even Dad tolerated him at first. It wasn’t until we graduated …” That part of memory lane was rockier and full of potholes.

Mateo looked at me just waiting. “He wanted something from me I wasn’t ready … and later willing … to give. I always ignored his threats to find it someplace else because that’s all I thought they were, empty threats. The first time I caught him cheating …”

“Cheating?!”

“You want to know the whole ridiculous sob story or not?” He didn’t interrupt again as I continued. “The first time I caught him cheating had been after another fight on the same old subject. I wasn’t ready and he was ready and raring. He went to a party I asked him not to go to, he called me judgmental of his friends and arrogant just because I was going to college and many of them couldn’t afford to. After I calmed down I felt bad and decided to catch up with him. The place was crowded and I wanted to leave almost as soon as I got there but I was determined to find Hank. I kept asking and people kept pointing me along. Eventually I got pointed to a gazebo out in the corner of the yard and I went out there to find them … in progress so to speak and I ran to Bea’s house for the night since I couldn’t exactly go home looking as devastated as I felt. Dad would have hunted him down and filled him full of buckshot. The next day he claimed not to remember half of it and what he did remember he blamed on the girl getting him drunk and seducing him; her reputation wasn’t exactly the best. He claimed that he didn’t care what happened to him at that point because he thought he had lost me.”

Mateo didn’t interrupt but I could tell he was obviously dying to say something. “Yeah, I know. I was young and gullible and thought I was in love. I was also a grade A idiot that thought I could make it all better. But I still refused to sleep with him. The second time I caught him out we were older, if not wiser, and this time he blamed me for his walk on the wild side. He said that men had needs and I wasn’t meeting his. He questioned my feelings for him and said if I loved him I wouldn’t be so stubborn on the subject. The joke was on him this time however because he found out the girl had an STD. His father also found out about it when the doctor’s office called asking to speak to Hank Jr. and they got Hank Sr instead. Hank’s Dad tried to make it out to be my fault as well that his precious boy caught an STD and our relationship was never the same though he did try to keep things quiet from my Dad whom he was close friends with. I was convinced by then that I held some of the blame even though Bea told me I was nuts. I was too afraid of my parents finding out about my shame to go to them and talk about it which was a complete mistake. I could have saved myself a lot of heartache. The last time was during the year I taught … it was with that woman who is divorcing him. I had gotten out in the world and was beginning to wonder if Hank really was the right guy for me after all. My parents were just happy I wasn’t rushing things and did everything they could to block Hank from moving any faster. Sheryl … that’s her name … found out she was pregnant, her brothers beat Hank up really badly, and it all came out; my parents found out and it was a complete soap opera.”

Finally Mateo spoke up, “And this came up because you saw him again? You still have feelings for him?”

“Hank?! Lord no. No, it just brought back some of my insecurities and the fact that I can be as bad as stupid on wheels when it comes to men.”

Mateo opened his mouth, closed it, and then opened it again only to close it again. Nydia chose that moment to finally wake up and come unglued at the sound of the merry-go-round that she could hear in the distance. How on earth she heard it over all the other noise I’ll never understand. We’d promised her that she could ride it and you just don’t break a promise to a child. We stood up and headed to the kiddie ride area and let her ride it to her heart’s content since Mateo had bought her an armband that let her ride all day for one price.

Watching her squeal in delight put us both in a better mood and we spent the rest of our time at the festival going from kiddie ride to kiddie ride until even Nydia didn’t want to get on another one. We left through the gate and when we got back to my car found that someone had dinged the door and spilled some kind of syrupy drink on the hood. I looked at Mateo and said, “Now aren’t you glad I convinced you to leave the Jag at home?”

“Most definitely. Though we really do need to consider getting you a …”

“We’ve already had this discussion. There is nothing wrong with my car. It may not be beauty pageant material, but I can carry anything in it that I want and not have to worry about the upholstery, and it runs great and gets good gas mileage.”

I got a grunt that told me I’d probably have to listen to the argument sometime in the near future again whether I wanted to or not.

We went home, ate the meal I had left cooking in the crock-pot that morning, bathed and soothed Nydia with yet another reading of the Monster book, and then watched as she curled up with the wretched looking stuffed dog that Mateo had won for her.

“Are you sure that thing is sanitary?”

“It wasn’t made in China and I sprayed it down with Lysol several times. Do you want to try and take it from her?” He shuddered in response and we crept out of her room to go to our separate rooms and clean up ourselves.

Mateo caught my wrist, “Look at you. You slathered 50 SPF sunscreen on Nydia and I but forgot to put it on yourself. Look how red your face is getting.” He ran a finger down my check. “Does it hurt?”

“No. It’s just a little tight like I’ve been in the wind too long.”

“What about your lips? Do they hurt?”

Right in the middle of me pursing my lips to say no he kissed me and this wasn’t the charming peck that he would sometimes give me. No, this was more like he definitely had something on his mind.

When we finally came up for air he said, “I went over to the Lazaro’s home with a buyer I was introducing them to. They have several pieces of artwork that they need to unload to raise cash to meet other obligations. And just so you know, I won’t ever cheat on you Leah. What’s his name’s loss will forever be my gain. Just remember that.” And then the rat just walked away leaving me not knowing which end was up.

 

[Kathy in FL]

Part Two - 7

The next couple of days were productive ones in all areas including between Mateo and I. I think we had mutually decided that the time was right but we were stretching things out enjoying the anticipation when the blasted phone rang again. Mateo had learned to look at the caller ID before answering it but this time he did sit up and take the call.

“Dan, what’s up? … no, I was still awake … You heard what?! … How reliable is this information? … Sure, sure … No, I’ll meet you at the office first thing … Yeah, have the forms filled out and ready to go … Everything … Yeah, I’m sure.”

When he hung up I could tell the mood wasn’t coming back. “What’s wrong?”

“That was a friend, you might have met him at the wedding. He has some contacts … where he shouldn’t have contacts. On the news tomorrow they’re going to announce that the government is going to take over all of the retirement accounts including 401Ks and IRAs to “protect” them from any more investment scandals. Dan says it is actually a ploy to prop up social security and some of the other federally financed programs. They are also going to extend unemployment benefits again but payment will be made using EBT cards and can only be used on government approved commodities. He says there is a lot more but that he’ll have to explain them in the morning.”

“Should he even know this stuff?”

“No. Not this far in advance and he’s taking a major risk sharing it with me.”

“Mateo, I hate … hate to ask, but do you trust this man? Could he be setting you up?”

He looked at me and spoke gently, “I trust him, but I’m not foolish either. I’ve been moving money around so that Dan doesn’t know about everything. In fact, he thinks I’ve lost most of everything I had but … look, I need to get in the office and start doing some things. Can you fix me a big pot of coffee?”

“Of course, is there anything else I can do?”

He grabbed my arm looked me in the eye and said, “Trust me for one. It may take a week or longer for me to move what I have to move, if I have that long, but … we’ll be OK. If you do want to do something however, could you get on the other computer and place orders to Honeyville and the LDS store you told me about? And in the morning, I want you to go to the grocery store and the warehouse club and spend the money I give you as wisely as possible. If anyone asks just say we’re having a party or picking up a commercial order or something. If you see someone you know, try and avoid … just act natural. I should know by lunch time if I’m over reacting or not.”

After I’d brought him the coffee and started keying in the online orders that we’d planned on, just not this soon, he said, “Leah, pay for expedited shipping. I want it to get here sooner rather than later and I want to be at the head of the line when the orders go out.”

As odd as it sounds, Mateo wanting to pay extra to get something shipped faster is what really scared me. He used a Paypal account he’d created and we ran the online purchases through that. The next day as soon as we received confirmation of shipments and the account was emptied we closed it.

The morning found us both out the door before the sun was completely up; he to his errands and me to mine. I headed to the Produce Station that opened in the wee hours of the morning and bought everything that I could preserve in a week and some for the freezer too. As I was driving back home trying to avoid the inevitable traffic jams I got a text on Spot that said to drive into the garage and empty the car in there rather than from the driveway. I did as instructed, and then grabbed my long grocery list and my coupons. First was the warehouse club where I loaded up on more than food; paper products filled up most of my car except where the carseat was and the driver’s seat. That meant another drive home to unload in the garage. It also meant another stop at the gas station. Next I hit Aldi and then a couple of other grocery stores. My poor little Chevy was riding low as I pulled into the garage for the third time to find Mateo’s Jag there ahead of me. I took Nydia inside and put her in her highchair and then went looking in the strangely silent house.

I found him in his office with a bloody rag pressed to the side of his face. “Oh no! What happened?!”

He looked at me with world weary eyes and said, “You got me thinking last night. I moved the money myself to speed the process up, there wasn’t that much left anyway. I was just going to stop in to see Dan and tell him not to worry about it but I came in the back way and when something didn’t look right I drove into a parking garage for the bank and then walked up to the top tier that overlooks the back of Dan’s office. There were several cars at the front of the building already which was strange because his office wasn’t supposed to be open yet. And then I saw them bringing some guy in a suit out the back in handcuffs. I must have watched this happen three times – they go in the front only to leave in cuffs from the back – before I had the sense to get out of there. Either Dan set me up or Dan was set up, I’m not sure which.”

“That still doesn’t explain the cut on your face.”

“It happened at the bank. I was in there to close an account I had but apparently the bank is now requiring you to leave a minimum fee in there for thirty days before they will completely close it. The minimum amount just so happens to match the monthly fee they charge on all accounts below a certain dollar amount per new federal regulations. They also got bent out of shape that I wanted it in cash. It wasn’t a lot of money but that wasn’t the point, they weren’t happy I wouldn’t accept a cashier’s check nor tell them where I was moving the money to.”

“Mateo … how … did … your … face …” I ground out.

“I’m getting to that. Apparently, they’ve already started issuing those EBT cards in place of the unemployment checks. This guy comes in to try and make a payment on his car or house or … I don’t know something the bank held a lien on … and the bank wouldn’t accept the EBT card. He said they have to accept the EBT card since it was from the federal government and the manager eventually came out and said that they were no more required to accept the EBT cards than businesses out in California were required to accept the IOUs the government out there was issuing before the feds went in and took over the governorship and the state legislature. That’s when I noticed a lot of people were beginning to listen in. More than a few people are on unemployment these days and use their unemployment checks to stay current on their mortgages and such. There was almost a riot in the bank lobby and the idiot teller hands me all of this cash within plain sight of all of the other angry customers in line. Then someone took it in their head to try and close their account, discovered the same thing I had, and there was a mini run on the bank. Trying to get out someone slammed me into the door. The metal frame caught me on the cheek.”

He’d finally moved the rag and the gash was still seeping after I don’t know how long of direct pressure. I ran to check on Nydia who had fallen asleep in her high chair waiting on me, Bless her little heart, and grabbed up the big first aid kit I keep in the laundry room. It took me a while to clean it up and then use butterfly bandages to close it up the best I could but finally it stopped bleeding.

“Mateo you need to go to the emergency room. This is bad.”

“That’s the other thing that I’ve heard. There are a couple of new Executive Orders regarding health care and they’ve frozen a lot of private insurance policies. I went on line to check it out and something is going on. I hate to ask Leah, but I can’t go out looking like this it would draw too much attention in those places. I’ve added to the list of things we need to get and I have a couple of … packages … that need to be picked up. I’ll watch Nydia and keep an eye on things here. Could you …?”

“Of course. But … why are all these things happening at once?! What is going on?!”

“Easy Leah,” he said gently, trying to calm my nerves. “It’s all political as far as I can tell. They lost a lot in the last election, not enough to cut the head of the snake off but they were injured. Injured animals are dangerous animals. We’re almost to election time again and just in case their prince isn’t re-elected they want to accomplish as much of their agenda as possible. Some of this has been in motion for a while, just no one knew for sure when it would be enacted. Some precursor event must have occurred to rush their plans like this … or they’re all idiots … either one is possible. The anger at the bank is only the start and I want to get as much locked down as I can. We’ll take losses, they are already shutting down my direct access to some of my accounts, but they won’t get near as much as they thought they would, but we need to hurry.”

The remainder of the day passed in a blur. It felt like I was running on high octane. A few people had noticed the banking restrictions, but it was strangely not making it to the airwaves yet. Other people had noticed the new EBTs for unemployment. There was confusion every place I stopped as people were facing a new market dynamic. The EBTs worked some places but not others, sometimes for things they were only restricted to and sometimes you could slip things into your purchase under the radar. Regular debit cards from bank accounts started limiting number of transactions and transaction amounts and the reasoning seemed arbitrary and illogical; it didn’t matter how much money you had in the bank. People would call up and find that creditors or the IRS had placed liens or holds on a portion of the account balance, sometimes people called to find out that the IRS had emptied their account completely.

Mateo gave me his debit cards for several small, local banks and had me use them until they melted. I made his mysterious stops, one where I met a man at a sandwich shop and he asked if he could help me out with my bags … only I didn’t have bags, he did but they wound up in my car. When he put them in the trunk of my car, my back end went down a lot further than the size of the bags would have suggested. I pulled into Bea’s brother’s garage and he told me to give him the keys and he pulled it in. I was there almost an hour and was getting frantic but Mateo kept texting me that it was OK, we’d get done what we could get done. When I finally left … it was about one-thirty … I had a trailer hitch and small trailer attached.

“Leah, you’re gonna have to be careful. Matt purchased the tag and everything last week but it’s still a little heavier than that old rattle trap of yours should be pulling and you haven’t got anything in it yet. And people are getting crazy, we’ve had three people call saying that someone hit them in a parking lot and wanting to know how much it would be to fix it. Momma will skin us if anything happens to you and you don’t even want to know what Bea will do to us.”

From the garage I went to meet this man at a storage facility in a not so good part of town. He told me to roll the windows up and not leave the car. I could fill him loading something into the trailer. When he was finished he came to the window and knocked so that I rolled it down. “Ma’am, you need to go straight home with this. Don’t get pulled over. If something happens … I won’t be here, there’ll be no evidence that I was ever here so’s there’s no use saying anything about me.”

The cloak and dagger stuff was a bit more than I had been prepared for but I did as he suggested. When I backed the trailer into the garage Mateo opened the back and it was full of boxes of various sizes. As we carried them into the house I noticed some of them were heavy and some didn’t feel like they had anything in them at all. My nerves weren’t real steady and I snapped, “You could have warned me Mateo. I was scared to death the whole way home.”

Mateo looked at me and saw I had my arms wrapped around myself like I was cold. I was shaking but it wasn’t from the temperature. “What? “ he asked and that’s when I laid into him a little about the man from the storage facility.

“He said what? Oh Leah, nothing in here is illegal … at least not yet. Greg is just … eccentric. He’s a conspiracy theorist extraordinaire and has been planning for the end of civilized society for as long as I’ve known him. He’s probably enjoying this and is wringing it for all it’s worth. I had no idea he would scare you like that.”

“If it isn’t illegal, why all the subterfuge?”

“It isn’t illegal but it could be considered unusual enough to question me and delay our plans. They’ve changed the federal gun laws in direct opposition to the states that have been relaxing their gun laws. Everything is a mess in the courts right now but with the IRS having direct access to bank accounts the fees and fines get taken out pre-trial and people aren’t getting them back … their money or their weapons. This is ammo and magazines for your father’s guns … now yours.”

“And when did guns come into the plan? We never discussed that?!”

“Leak … Leah …,” he put the last box down and startled me by wrapping me in a hug. “It’s not the end of the world but things are changing. I’m bringing a lot of assets into the house to keep them out of government control as much as possible. That’s a security issue. I have you and Nydia to think of. The security doors, Schlage dead bolts, and hurricane shutters on the house go a long way towards making the house safer but there is no sense hiding our heads in the sand. We have no idea what kind of violence these sudden changes could cause. People might simply accept it and readjust or it could be the match that lights the tender for something much worse. We have to be prepared either way.”

I hadn’t thought in those terms. To me prepping simply made good sense but I hadn’t really followed the thought all the way through. What exactly were we preparing for? Apparently Mateo and I had been preparing for different levels of threats, different kinds of threats. When I thought of security I was thinking in terms of being able to put food on the table and gas in the tank. When Mateo thought of security he was thinking of physical threats to our safety. We both thought of security in financial terms but I had a micro outlook and his was macro and much larger in scale and scope.

“You don’t have to go back out anymore, this is the last …”

“Maybe on your list but not on mine. I want to hit another Aldi since the other grocery stores’ shelves were so under-stocked. I also need to go to the office supply place and I have to go to the shoe store for Nydia. I got a call while I was out that that bulk fabric order we placed is ready for pick up and I only have until the close of business today to get it for some reason. I need to pick up our pre-orders at the bookstore too. And …”

His cell phone went off and I could see him grinding his teeth, he held up his hand to stop me from talking and then answered, “Hey Dan … sorry about this morning. Did you get my message? … No? … Man, you don’t know what my day has been like. … Your’s too? … No, actually I changed my mind, I just can’t afford to panic even if you did hear some rumors. The last few months have been hard. … I’m sure … What? … Actually I had come over but got caught up at the bank trying to get a loan to get Leah a new car, her’s is just not acceptable …” He put his hand over my mouth and winked at me to take the sting out of his words and to let me know what he was saying wasn’t exactly what he meant. “Actually Dan you don’t know the half of it. I went to the bank and there was a mini riot over those EBT cards … yeah, they’re already issuing them … I was trying to get out of the place and had the corner of a door catch me on my face … No I’m not OK. My suit is ruined and there is blood in the Jag! And to add insult to injury something is up with my insurance policy. I’m not going to sit in the emergency room for hours when I should be able to see my primary care physician, but I can’t get an appointment. It looks like plastic surgery is in my future … What? … No, really I’m sure. It looks like I’m going to need the money where it is for a while to cover things if I can’t hurry up and find a job … I appreciate the offer Dan but I’ve learned to not mix business with friendship. Once burnt twice shy … Yeah, you too. … Yeah, maybe next week but not the golf course … Oh, well, in that case maybe. Yeah.”

He hung up and then leaned over and kissed where his hand had been. “Finish up. I want you home before dark. Nydia isn’t used to you being gone this much and has been throwing a fit because I don’t know where something called the knock ‘em downs are.”

“Those are her blocks; the big plastic ones in the tub in the top of her closet. She makes a mess but they’ll keep her entertained for at least an hour. She’s going through a destructive phase I think. Whatever you do, don’t get her the crayons when she is in this mood, I’ll be finding wall art for a week if you do. Speaking of that I better add more bleach, borax, and washing soda to my list.”

As he walked me out to the car he asked, “Have you eaten at all?”

“I’m fine.”

“That wasn’t what I asked.”

“I’m really not hungry Mateo I’ll …”

He interrupted, “You’ll go through the drive through at that awful fast-food place that you like, and you’ll get you something to eat and drink. I’ll cook rice to go with whatever it is you’ve got in the crockpot for dinner.”

“Make that egg noodles if you are serious about helping. The directions are taped to the canister on the shelf in the pantry.”

He nodded and I had my keys in my hand and was going into the garage when he pulled me back against him and whispered in my ear, “Be careful Leah. There is still a chance that I could be over reacting but …”

“But you really don’t think so,” I said as I turned in his embrace.

He sighed, “No. No I really don’t think so. But I do not like you having to do this all for the want of a little more caution on my part, I should have moved faster.”

I reached up and touched his face, “It looks really bad Mateo; all red and puffy. And it is starting to bruise. Can you see anything out of that eye?”

“It’s blurry but only from the swelling I think. You better go or I’m going to change my mind about letting you out of my sight. Text me to let me know where you are at but … be circumspect in your messages. I’m beginning to feel as paranoid as Greg. This morning at Dan’s must have shaken me up more than I thought. That call of his trying to pull me back in didn’t help.”

 

[Kathy in FL]

Part Two - 8

I paid cash for everything from that point forward and it was a good thing I had it to spend. More and more people were finding that their debit and credit cards weren’t working at the checkout stands. I’d never seen so many “cash-only” lines, not even at Christmas.

I had one police officer and two of those Volunteer Corp security details stop me in parking lots to ask me what was in the trailer … I was even forced to open it or risk a citation. I was smart enough to have loaded the fabric and a few other innocuous looking things into the trailer and was able to allay their curiosity by saying that I had a table at the Arts and Crafts Festival coming to the downtown area the following week. I then acted like I was trying to sell them something which turned them off even more quickly and they let me go.

That night when I was finished with everything I could do - not everything I had meant to do - and pulled into the garage for the last time I told Mateo about it and he was furious. “That’s an illegal search. They had no grounds other than intimidation to make you open that trailer,” he ground out.

“What was I supposed to do? If I had confronted them you’d likely had to come bail me out. Pulling the silly female card was simply easier.”

“Silly female card?”

“Yeah,” I smiled despite the seriousness of the situation. “Females have one huge advantage over males. We always have and we always will. Males as a rule have been raised to underestimate us in almost every situation. They perpetuate the myth through every succeeding generation. They forget that it was the wives left behind during war that defended the home and put food on the table. They ignore what they consider anachronisms where women rise to the top military positions and credit it to birth rather than on ability. They fail to understand the stamina that pregnancy and childbirth requires saying if it wasn’t for men leading the way to lower the maternal and baby mortality rates we’d be much worse off but fail to see how many women actually have survived the experience without their help.”

Mateo got the stereotypical deer in the headlights look that so many uninitiated men get before they realize the real abilities of women when they bother to nurture their God-given talents.

“Most men simply assume that unless proven otherwise a female is smaller, weaker, and dumber than they are. That is a very bad assumption to make. Strength doesn’t always lie in size and intellect has absolutely nothing to do with stature. So when a female finds herself in a situation where she is faced with an admittedly physically stronger male opponent and she could potentially lose more than she gained by a direct battle she uses her opponent’s inbred weakness against him. They turn on their kitten power.”

Mateo choked on his tea, “Their what?!”

“My Dad called it ‘kitten power,’” I smiled craftily. “See only a real ogre is going to kick a kitten or intentionally do it harm. And most people forget that kittens are born with exceptionally sharp claws that they instinctually use to try and climb to safety with. Ever had a kitten climb your pants leg?”

Mateo winced and I continued, “Exactly. They can also look at you with the most darling eyes … right before they swipe those claws across your face. As for the rest of it sometimes it is simply smarter to play dumb.”

I got a suspicious look, “Have you ever done that with me?”

“Only once … that stuff in the stir fry really was tofu,” I laughed.

He was momentarily outraged and then realized the joke and had a good laugh at himself and then laughed harder at what the three men that had hassled me had missed when it was sitting right in front of their faces for the whole world to see.

“No wonder the best deals at the auctions always seem to be found by the women,” he opined.

We finished dinner in a relatively better mood and it was good we did because it was the last bit of cheerfulness we were to have for a while. The president spoke during prime time and before he could even finish there was rioting outside of the White House and the Capitol building. Online servers went up and down all night as traffic increased to the point they were collapsing the networks; people trying to get more news beyond the canned output on most of the major news shows, people trying to access their financial accounts, people placing online orders trying to use their funds before they were locked down and unavailable, people trying to shift their funds to foreign markets, people trying to become members of forums devoted to different topics that might be considered useful during such a situation, Facebook temporarily shut down as did all of the other online communities from everyone getting online and sharing their opinions. The list of complicating problems overnight seemed endless.

And that was just online. Local news reported that the twenty-four-hour supercenters had been scavenged like they’d been attacked by locusts. There hadn’t been any looting but there had been a couple of near riots and some pawn shop had been firebombed for some reason. After we heard that Mateo muttered, “Covering his trail most likely.”

I was so tired I forgot to ask who he was talking about. I hadn’t been able to sit and listen to the news for long, I felt like I was going to fly apart. While Mateo watched and took notes … to the TV, radio, and two different computers all going at the same time in his office … I got down to work. We had emptied the trailer and disconnected it so that both cars and it could fit in the garage with the door down and Mateo had dropped all of the security doors and closed the interior shutters downstairs. The house was a mess … boxes and bags all over the place waiting to be put away who knew where. We had tried to organize things into piles as we went but I still itched to do something with it, but my magic wand and crystal ball were both in the shop and I had to prioritize things.

First thing I needed to deal with was the fresh produce from the morning. I filled the sink with water and set some of the more tender items that wouldn’t fit into the refrigerator to soak in cold water until the morning. I pulled out the spare Crockpot that I had picked up at a garage sale to go with the other two I already had and filled two of them with fruit to cook down to butter for canning first thing in the morning and in the smaller one I started oatmeal for breakfast. I took frozen meat out to thaw on the counter that I would can tomorrow to make room for the bags of flour and pasta that I needed to freeze for freshness and to kill any potential weevils.

Spot was incredibly handy during this whole process as it gave me direct access to the inventory that I kept. I was in the middle of calculating how many jars I needed to put into the dishwasher for the next day when the house intercom system buzzed and it was Mateo’s signal that he needed me. I walked in on the tail end of a phone conversation.

“I realize that Mr. Lazaro but I have a wife and child to think of now. Surely the federal government is simply … Of course I understand the magnitude of … Yes, I understand the concerns that you and Dan have … Mr. Lazaro let me be frank. I simply don’t have the assets. I had to liquidate after leaving the firm and … yes, the firm’s stock as well … I know but I had no choice, you see how the economy is. … Mr. Lazaro, we may be over reacting. The government obviously has a plan, before getting hysterical we should wait and see what it is. Some of the best financial minds … Well I’m sorry you feel that way.” Even I could hear the click of the slamming phone.

“What was that about?” I asked not trusting any of the Lazaro family any further than I could throw them.

“An answer to a puzzle.”

I wasn’t in the mood for any of Mateo’s intellectual games and my face must have shown it. “Leah I think that in exchange for … something … Mr. Lazaro must have turned informant for the SEC. He either set Dan up or Dan is a willing participant. They are trying to make a case for who knows what … against individuals or possibly even against the firm in total. I must be on the list since I escaped the original net; but that doesn’t make sense, so perhaps a personal vendetta by Lazaro himself. Dan failed to pull me in so Lazaro stepped in to give it a try. But this makes no sense either! Why would they go to all of this trouble?!”

“Is there some reason … besides Rachel I mean … that Mr. Lazaro doesn’t like you?”

“Nothing worth this amount of effort. My portfolio always out-performed the ones he was responsible for. None of my personal clients ever took the magnitude of hits to their retirement accounts that nearly everyone else’s did; I dealt strictly in conservative investments. I did openly remonstrate him for encouraging risky behavior in the firm and finally took it before the Board when he started pushing me too hard and interfering with my clients.”

“And this was the man you wanted as a father-in-law? You must love Rachel …”

He was around the desk and in my face before I could finish my statement. “No, I wasn’t in love with Rachel though I had everyone else convinced that I was … including Rachel though she convinced herself more than I could. She had connections, she came from money, she knew all the places to be seen and all the people worth talking to. In other words, she will one day make some man a good trophy wife; some man that doesn’t care that the looks will be maintained with surgery and botox and is willing to pay for her to go off and play so he doesn’t have to listen to her bleating at him when he is trying to relax and eat his dinner.”

To say I was shocked was an understatement, but I was more shocked when he grabbed me around the waist and pulled me close. “I’m not that man any more Leah. I have no idea why God touched me and made me realize that what I wanted wasn’t what I needed. I still don’t understand how things changed so much that I’m more satisfied struggling today than I was when I had everything and money in the bank too. And I don’t know why you were crazy enough to marry me despite it all, despite that ridiculous proposal in the courthouse hallway. But I know what I’ve got and I intend on keeping it and nothing … Lazaro’s treachery, the economy, or the government itself is going to take it away from me no matter what it takes. Are we clear on that?”

I tried to answer him but all I could do was nod. I just knew he was going to kiss me, but I swear that God has a sense of humor and is driving me crazy on purpose. His face was barely an inch from mine when the emergency broadcast signal came blaring over the television and radio at the same time causing us to both to jump apart like guilty teenagers.

Martial law was declared in response to street violence and a riot that had started over in the College Hill area as well as one that set the public housing complex on Main Street on fire. Everyone was being told to stay indoors and anyone caught on the street would be detained.

The same scenario was being repeated in over two dozen major metropolitan areas across the continental US. Rather than smother the violence it set more cities aflame. The sun was coming up and I knew if we kept drinking coffee this way I’d be grateful I’d bought so much Café Bustelo and all of those dark coffee beans.

“Mateo, why are they doing this? What do they hope to gain? It’s like they are intentionally inciting people to rebel.”

“Possibly to break the system completely so that they can rebuild it the way they deem better. None of what they are doing makes historical sense; you said it yourself the other night. We’ll lose far more than is gained if they succeed.”

I shook my head and said, “It’s like in the movies when some lunatic realizes he is terminally ill, so he plans to take the rest of the world with him when he goes so that no one is left to outlive him.”

“Not quite. These lunatics really do believe that socialism is better, or at least the pawns of the movement do. Personally, similar to what occurred in South America, I think that the lunatics at the top know exactly what they are doing and it is all for their own personal gain … if not money then power. It’s like an aphrodisiac to them, a powerfully addictive drug. They are not happy unless they have the power to manipulate other people’s lives. It doesn’t matter what the result ultimately is.”

“Which do you consider the president?”

“My personal opinion? He’s a narcissist, like several before him, with a great deal less status in the movement than he believes. He’s being controlled by a movement and when they are through using him as their figurehead they’ll throw him under the bus just like they have done many that came before him. Only they’ll make it seem like it was done by the opposition and not even the conspiracy theorists will get it right in the end. Meathead or martyr, it won’t matter.”

Ugh. I couldn’t take any more. I left Mateo trying to pump espresso intravenously – figuratively not literally – and went to feed and dress Nydia. The world might be going to heck in a hand basket but two-year-olds still need attention, laundry still needs washing, and the food wasn’t going to jump into the pots and cook itself.

The rest of the day has passed in a blur. Rachel has called several times asking Mateo to meet with her father. After saying no for the third time he’s stopped taking calls from her number because he never knows who is going to be on the other end. Bea called me and said that her whole family has closed up shop and is heading to their fish camp deep in the swamps of south Florida. Mateo and I were given an open invitation, but it hasn’t come to that yet.

Mateo finally burned out after we put Nydia down for the night. I fell asleep with Nydia for a couple of hours this afternoon and now I feel too wound up to really sleep. We’ve heard gunfire but not actually on our street, but we are taking no chances. We closed and locked the storm doors we installed on the barn and disabled the tracks. To get in ourselves is going to be a trip but it has given me more piece of mind with all the equipment, lumber and tools we have stored out there.

I’ve got to sleep or I’m going to fall apart, but not until the two canners are finished processing. The kitchen is better than it was, the whole house is, but only because I know how bad it was before. Anyone seeing if for the first time would be horrified and disgusted more than likely.

I’m past tears. I’m past fear. What we are facing today is like something out of a dime-store novel. I’m almost … no I am ... terrified by what the dawn could bring.

 

[sssarawolf]

Thank you Kathy.

 

[Lake Lili]

Thanks Kathy!
Lili

 

[Kathy in FL]

Part Three: All I Can Do Is All I Can Do (Part 1)

In the days that followed, the violence was bad but sporadic rather than constant and confined rather than pervasive. The worst riots occurred where violence was already an endemic problem. Some lower middle-class neighborhoods got involved but that was usually a youth movement that grew out of a lack of self-control rather than a true ideological response to what we faced. The real difference this time as opposed to the riots that occurred in the 60s and 80s was that the authorities and news media outlets (most of them anyway) tried to make it out to be for outrageous reasons instead of blaming racial tensions. They said – without proof mind you – that “the poor, underprivileged and disenfranchised masses” were being egged on by some secret coalition of traitors against the true populist movement to distract the government from doing its duty for the citizenry of this country. Then you had those on the other extreme. They spoke of “urban pathology” and how federal and state subsidies were actually what created the disenfranchised underclass by making them over-dependent on government support … intentionally over dependent. Another “reason” or justification for the rioting by the population that was supposed to most strongly support the Administration’s actions was fear that their “rights” were going to be taken away by “the archaic and prejudicial suppression of the uneducated and unenlightened ‘political right wingers’ and the so-called ‘Constitutionalist Movement’.”

Mateo had some succinct and rather harsh comments regarding what some people considered rights. “Have these people ever even read the US Constitution?! Whoever is writing the copy for those reporters can’t even seem to understand the difference between libel and slander; why should I trust their legal judgment when it comes to issues of Constitutionality?”

With my college degrees and experience in the public sector I could have said more as well, and even cited historical documents as proof, but it would have been like preaching to the choir. I was also busier than I had ever been in my life and didn’t have the energy to get any angrier than I already was. I was canning and drying all of the fresh produce I had purchased. I was also drying the commercial sized bags of frozen veggies that I had gotten from the warehouse club since that saved me having to blanch the food before it went on the drying trays. I felt in such a hurry that I was running both boiling water canners and the pressure canner too; I could barely fit them all on the stove top at the same time, but I made it work. I felt like I had no choice.

After I had to pull Nydia away from the stove for the third time I kept her in the playpen or in her old highchair. She had just started using the booster seat like a big girl and wasn’t happy being confined to the highchair but I didn’t see what else I could do, she just didn’t want to listen and the danger to her safety was too great. What is it about two-year-olds? I finally understand why Mom said that she had come really close to having Dad build a dog run that she could put me in between the time I was two and four years of age. I love Nydia but we’ve almost spoiled her and I’m grateful when Mateo can take her for a little while. He couldn’t do it often then however because he was fielding phone calls, a couple from investigators from the SEC asking if he’d spoken with Mr. Lazaro.

“Hello? … Yes, this is Matt Jakob. … And you are? … Well, sir I’m rather uncomfortable speaking of this matter without verification of your identity. … OK, give me a few minutes and I’ll call back.”

Hearing him grumble under his voice I asked, “Mateo? Is everything all right?”

“I’ve got it covered. Don’t worry. Just a gentleman on the phone claiming he’s with the SEC. He gave me his extension and I’m going to call back through the switchboard to check his credentials.”

Turns out the man really was an investigator and that it was a good thing that Mateo hadn’t simply blown him off.

“Yes, I’m here … My license? … No, not since I left the firm. … No, I haven’t been counseling or giving recommendations to anyone in a professional capacity … Well yes, I have spoken with some of my former clients but only to refer them to new brokers …. Yes, I’m sure … He said what?! … Absolutely not! I’m well aware that with the additional licensing restrictions currently in place I cannot operate outside of a corporate permit … I don’t care whether you believe me or not. Check with the Office of Financial Regulations. I applied for the additional licensing and permits the day I left the firm … Yes, I’m aware of the freeze but I applied to get on the waiting list … No, hardly … No, that is not what we spoke of at all … No … No, I’m definitely sure. … I understood that Lazaro was the one you were investigating … On the contrary, I was far from aware Dan has been named as a conspirator in the case, thank you for the information … She what?! ... That’s a @#$% lie!” Striving for some control and modifying his voice he continued, “That is a total fabrication. I introduced them to a buyer from a local museum concerning some of their personal artwork and that’s the last time I entered their home … No, absolutely not … investigate all you want but if what you say is true I strongly suggest you verify any of the so-called facts you are gathering because I can prove where I was at and what I was doing that morning … When I see a subpoena, because right now I’m finding your line of questioning more like you are fishing … I’ll eagerly await it.”

I sat there intending to give Mateo a chance to calm down before I started asking questions but he jumped up from his desk and stormed out of the room and then out the back door, slamming it against the outside wall and nearly springing the hinges. Justifiably worried at his display of temper I followed him out only to have Mateo turn around and snap at me.

He snarled, “Leah, will you just go in the house and give me some space?!”

Nydia was down for her nap and I was worried that his yelling was going to wake her so I gave calming him down a shot. “Mateo darling …”

“Leah! I said go in the @#$% house! I’m this close to losing my temper and …”

I went up to him, put my hand on his arm and said, “Then go head and lose it. I trust you and know you wouldn’t act like this over something trivial. I’ll still be right here when you’re ready to talk and we’ll face it together.”

The crazy edge to his anger came close to spilling over and then it just evaporated. I got jerked into a hug that nearly crushed me. That startled me at first then I started hugging him back though not as frantically. His actions confused me but at the same time they confirmed just how upset he was. He was not demonstrative in public and while we were in our own backyard the neighbors could have easily seen us at that position. It took a few moments, but he did calm down a bit and then we walked back to sit in the wicker furniture on the lanai.

Mateo was still very tense but at least he was ready to talk. “Leah … I … I don’t like losing my temper. You shouldn’t take risks like that by being around me when … when I get like this. My mother and sister always said that I frightened them … I’m …” I leaned into his embrace and thought how awful to have your own mother say she was afraid of you. She might have been trying to help him by bringing attention to how he was acting but I think she had made things worse instead. Eventually he continued, “Try and understand Leah, I don’t want to hurt you or Nydia so … when I ask for some space just give it to me even if you aren’t afraid of me.” Another sigh and he said, “I just don’t understand what is going on. Strike that, I understand it, I just don’t know why. I thought I knew Dan and could trust him. I’m not naïve. Nor am I some callow freshman investor. If I missed this, what else have I missed? Dan has been named in the SEC investigation right along with Lazaro. If Lazaro is an informant, then what does that make Dan? And what Lazaro is doing is too close to entrapment; I would think a decent lawyer could get the charges against those men dismissed easily … assuming this is meant to go to court.” He gripped his hair with both hands and gave a sharp tug, very unlike himself. “What is going on and how did I miss this?!”

“First off, you are an honest person and wouldn’t necessarily think that to make money you’d have to do something illegal. Secondly you are very talented at what you do and wouldn’t find it necessary to do something illegal to make money for your clients or yourself. Thirdly, you were always extremely busy fulfilling your responsibilities to your clients, all of whom were much more modest in means than the clients that Lazaro dealt with. And it seems that most of the firm’s board didn’t know it either so stop beating yourself up over it. The man is a … a scoundrel and a scab on society. Now what do you mean “assuming this is meant to go to court”? Why arrest someone, possibly ruin their life in the process, if you aren’t going to charge them and take them to court?”

“A scoundrel and a scab on society huh? Not how most people described Lazaro last time I checked,” he said folding me into his embrace even tighter. “Te quiero mujer. As for why arrest them if they don’t mean to prosecute … leverage, same as in business. Control. Perhaps simple intimidation. But it shouldn’t be happening for those reasons. That means that either the investigators are in some way corrupt, the court system is being manipulated, or both.”

The very idea turned my stomach. If we couldn’t trust the judicial system what protection did we really have? Then I asked a question to clarify something that had confused me. “It sounded like you were referring to a female making claims against you. Who was she? Was it Rachel?”

“No, her mother; but it wasn’t … intentional; at least I don’t think so. Mrs. Lazaro is a dimwit and …”

“Mateo!”

He snorted and shook his head. “Have you ever spent any time with the woman? She is addicted to prescription meds – a functioning addict – but it does give her the appearance of living her life in a fog or haze. That airy fairy display you saw at the equestrian center was actually a good day for her. She either can no longer afford her drug of choice or she is being forced to be more circumspect in public.”

“I knew Rachel’s mother always acted kind of … distant … but I didn’t realize … .”

“Most people don’t know; like I said she is a functioning addict. And you don’t have to bother to be so polite when it is just the two of us. ‘Distant’ is about the kindness descriptive term I’ve heard for her in quite some time. Trust me, I’ve helped pour the woman into a limo on more than a few occasions and seen Lazaro send her home from parties because she was losing her grip on reality. She also runs off at the mouth talking about things that either she has no business talking about or that she has no direct knowledge of. For instance, according to the investigator she made it out like I’ve been using my license and I haven’t, it’s not valid at the moment because I’m not covered by a bond. The question I don’t have the answer for is whether this is something she came up with on her own demented walk through reality or whether Lazaro is feeding it to her as part of some game plan.”

I could tell he was becoming agitated again so I pulled him into the kitchen, had him sit at the table and gave him some chamomile tea and a slice of fresh bread with jam and butter on it. I took a load out of one canner and refilled it before prepping the next batch of jars as he continued talking around mouthfuls.

“I’m still missing something.”

“Something?”

“Yeah. The reason why Lazaro is so focused on me. Or maybe it isn’t me … or isn’t only me, maybe there are others he is doing this to. Or maybe it is my imagination, but I really don’t think so.” After another bite and then a sigh, he muttered, “But I can’t worry about it right now even though my instincts tell me it is important. I doubt they’ll send investigators out while martial law is still in effect, but you can bet they will eventually and I need to have my own strategy in place.”

I realized he meant they would be sending an investigator to the house and I looked around and got a sinking feeling.

“Mateo … the house. I wouldn’t want anyone to see it right now just because it is so messy, but I certainly don’t want …”

“We can put the stuff out in the barn.”

“No, someone could see us moving it. And yes,” I said seeing him look at me like my tinfoil helmet was getting too tight “I’m aware how paranoid that sounds. The Nelsons are all right but the guy on the other side – Gerald What’s His Name – is … well, he’s nosey and he works for the County Administrator. He got a little too curious when we started putting up the fence. Don’t forget he called Code Enforcement and then got bent out of shape when he found out we weren’t doing anything wrong.”

“Yes, I’m well aware of the problems he could cause us, but I believe most of it is just envy. Gerald thinks a rather lot of himself. When I first bought the house, I was very disappointed to learn how irritating he could be. And …” He stopped and then waved his hand in front of my face. “What? You’re thinking of something. I know that smirk.”

“What kind of mud did you pick up and how much?”

He scrunched his face up and shook his head. “Leah … Earth to Leah. Habla inglés por favor.”

"Huh? Oh, you know, spackle, drywall mud, texturing; the stuff I put on the list for out in the barn.”

“Spackle what? Oh, you mean the stuff in the buckets?”

“Yeah. Was it the type that is pre-mixed or do I have to prepare it with a mixer?”

“Yes and yes. I asked the man at the warehouse you sent me to and he recommended one product then two contractors who were there as well came over and started arguing about the relative benefits of the recommended product versus other products that they preferred to use finally admitting that it depended on the project as to which was most appropriate. I got … irritated … so I … uh … there is quite a bit of all the different types and brands,” Mateo answered in a slightly embarrassed voice.

“That’s providential! Now we don’t have to worry.”

“Worry about what?” Mateo asked getting slightly irritated and still trying to figure out how our conversation had gone from the SEC and Lazaro to mud … although it wasn’t really that much of a jump if you are talking metaphorically.

It was easier to show him than tell him. I grabbed his hand and pulled him upstairs and into the empty bedroom that shared a wall with the boarded over bonus room. “We have to use interior walls since the house’s exterior walls are made of block. It also needs to be a wall that doesn’t have a bunch of electrical wires running through it. See how this wall only has the outlet on one end? The house was built before the code changed requiring outlets six feet from every corner in a room. That means I have this whole long wall to work with.”

“Leah, you’re making my head hurt and reminding me oddly of Greg when he starts on one of his lectures. Will you just tell me what has you so excited and leave the technical explanation for another time?”

“Hidden storage in the walls.”

“Hidden … OK, maybe you had better back up and explain after all.”

“Trust me Mateo, a lot of cans will fit between wall studs the way I want to put them in there. There isn’t enough room in the kitchen cabinets for me to put everything away and I certainly don’t want anyone outside of our family to know what we have. I can use the metal flashing we were going to use to add a water catchment system on the barn, bend it to create “chutes” or channels that the cans can slide down, and nail them up between the wall studs. It will mean putting off most of the renovations that I was going to do inside the barn since I’ll have to utilize those materials; but like you always say, you must prioritize your assets. What I want to do is carefully take out the drywall on this side of this wall. I’ll use the 2 x 6’s we have on top of the existing wall studs to give the wall more depth, that’ll let us store something as large as those #10 cans of freeze dried foods that are so awkward. Then I’ll cover the area with new drywall, texture it, and repaint with the leftover paint we used on Nydia’s room last year and you’ll never know the new storage is there.”

“You plan to seal our supplies up in the wall?” he asked still perplexed.

“Not quite,” I said really getting into the spirit of the plan. “On the bonus room side of this wall I’m going to build a chase. It’s going to look like something for the HVAC system. What the chase will do is in part cover the real wires that already exist and tidy them up along with the exposed duct work but there will also be access panels that we can unscrew and take things out of the wall storage as it is needed.”

Mateo looked at me blankly and then asked in a tired voice, “Do I want to know where you learned to be this devious?”

I could tell he was only half-way kidding and that his pride was smarting from all of our recent troubles as well as the call from the SEC and the realization that he’d badly misjudged someone he considered a close friend. He also didn’t particularly appreciate having to accept that between the two of us I was the more mechanically inclined.

“Mateo, as much as I would love to be as savvy and as capable as you are when it comes to complicated financial matters it is simply not my talent. If you hadn’t worked so hard I wouldn’t be in a position to do this, any of it, especially now. We certainly wouldn’t have the supplies we have to work with.”

Mateo sighed and said, “Leah, you don’t need to … to stroke my ego. I …”

“I’m not. I’m giving credit where it is due. The only paycheck I’ve had in a long time came out of your wallet. The money I spend at the grocery store comes out of your wallet. The little bit of money from my parents’ estate exists because you took the time to help me invest it safely. I’m well aware that a degree in Secondary Education hasn’t exactly prepared me for what life has thrown at me. I was also going to say that it’s nice to know I’m not completely useless when it comes to doing things to protect our family’s investments.”

Mateo’s mood altered in under two second. “Hmmmm. I like the sound of that,” he purred.

“Sound …” I had to clear my throat before I could finish. His chocolate brown eyes always tickle my insides when he looks at me like that. “Sound of what?”

“’Our family.’”

“Oh.”

“Yes … oh. Now, let’s explore that a little more … argh.” The groan was due to the intercom on my waist band calling, “Nonny!” letting us know that Nydia’s nap time was over. We both pulled ourselves back from where we were heading and eventually chuckled as we went downstairs, accepting that there are some things you simply can’t avoid and responsibilities to a toddler is one of them. I spent the rest of the day preserving food, entertaining Nydia, keeping up with laundry, and popping into Mateo’s office to keep the coffee pot refilled and for updates on what was going on.

 

[Kathy in FL]

Part 3 - 2

Gathering “news” was a frustrating experience. One of the primary problems with using the mainstream media as an information source was that only crews with federally issued papers could be out on the streets; freedom of the press was a thing of the past, although quite a few amateur reporting was being done from what could be seen from people’s windows however even that was problematic as sometimes the reporting of facts was overlaid with too much opinion and assumption. The other restriction “the press” experienced was that they had to be accompanied by a federally assigned escort which dictated where and when they could go into any given area. The national news outlets were taken over by the FCC bootlickers a few years back and they now occupied all of the senior administrative positions on all but a very few of the networks. Local media outlets weren’t quite as bad though it still took a few days for the complaints that the Freedom of Speech was being violated to emerge, but by then it was too late.

The government types on both sides of the aisle were trying to write history before it happened. What most of them failed to understand was how quickly the physical infrastructure would begin to fail altering everyone’s plans.

Road traffic was completely prohibited, both pedestrian and vehicular. All people movement was restricted under threat of detainment except for federally approved troop movements and those of official municipal security personnel such as law enforcement officers and “deputized” personnel from the Federal Volunteer Corp. The restrictions may have made it easier for the criminal element to be identified and picked up, but it ultimately added fuel to the fire of violence because of the indirect consequences.

The first problem that came to light was that people were running out of food. The reasons ran the gamut; dependency on food pantries and other types of charities like volunteer organizations such as Meals-On-Wheels; economic deficits where people could only buy a few days of food at a time; shopping habits that only had seven to ten days of food in the house at any given time; the habit of eating most meals outside the home; etc., etc., etc. There was also the issue that many families with children depended on at least one meal a day being served at the school cafeteria or in an after-school program, and not just because they received free or reduced lunches. People, confined at home as they were, ate the food supplies they did have faster than expected as well. I could sympathize with that last one as I had to curb the snacking really fast, especially Nydia who was a grazer. Some of it was nervous eating but some of it was just eating out of habit rather than because we were hungry. I had given into Nydia’s pleas too often for “treats” – healthy or not – and paid the price when I had to start saying no. And realistically staying up later and getting up earlier used up more calories requiring another “refueling.” I added a “teatime” snack to try and address this even though it meant more work for me.

The problems with food went beyond the individual and family unit issues. No one on the road meant no one on the road – no truckers, no bread deliveries, no fresh produce deliveries, no fresh dairy deliveries, no exceptions. That meant no new items were available at the stores to stock the gaping holes on the shelves where people tried to grab everything they could at the last minute (and no stockers to do it even if there was stuff sitting waiting to be stocked). It also meant that with no traffic, food was rotting in both warehouse and field making a large gap in the supply chain even when the vehicular restrictions were removed.

The complications to the situation didn’t end there. The worn infrastructure in most areas of the country requires constant and consistent upkeep and maintenance. Without workers to perform this upkeep things begin to break down, often more quickly than expected. A small part in a system would break or wear out and because no one was there to replace it or throw a switch to a redundant circuit, the small part would cause another part to malfunction which in turn caused other breakdowns and malfunctions, exacerbating existing weaknesses and causing even more failures.

They did try and address this once the breakdowns became noticeable to the public. Municipal authorities, usually in the guise of public safety or emergency response, would go to the homes of the managers and supervisors of the electric companies or water departments and “draft” them to work – whether they wanted to go or not. What they found however was that jobs had become so specialized and required constant training to remain up-to-date that managers and supervisors did not have enough specific knowledge; or had no training or experience at all for the maintenance issue in question. It was a complete Chinese fire drill that contributed to the total desent into chaos that many locations – both big and small – eventually experienced.

The first that Mateo and I became aware of the infrastructure failures – I thought of those always being “in the future” only suddenly the future was now – was on the fourth morning of what was passing for martial law. Why I say it like that is because some areas of town were in virtual lockdown while other areas had all sorts of Red Cross and Emergency Aid workers running around like ants gratuitously serving a population that would have otherwise burned the city down. It was like pacifying the hellions in the classroom while the good students languished and suffered. A more clichéd description of what occurred is “the squeaky wheel got the oil.”

Mateo came into the kitchen, disheveled from another long night at his desk trying to wheel and deal his money an evacuation route, and asked me, “How were you planning to take care of the water?”

I hadn’t slept very much myself because I hadn’t planned as well as I could have and had started a load in the canners too late for good sense. “Water?”

“A representative from the water department just issued a statement that a boil-water order is going into effect immediately and that water pressure may go down as well as brown-outs in various districts begin.”

I was tired, but not that tired. “Mateo, we’re on a well. We aren’t affected by boil-water orders.”

“Not the boil-water order Leah, the brown-outs. If we lose power, we lose water.”

I think I was just getting overwhelmed. I had so much to do and no time left to do it. I felt like a dog that had been chasing its tail backwards. I slumped down in a chair at the table, laid my head down and had a brief pity party. No sooner did I feel Mateo’s hand on my shoulder than I sat up, shook myself and then leaned into him after remembering I wasn’t in this alone. “I’m OK. Really. I … I just need … need a hug. That’s what I need. A hug. Please.”

“Oh, my Leah, I’ll give you as many as you crave. I would give you more if there was time and Nydia …” Mateo stopped, wrinkling his nose that the noise coming from the family room. “What is wrong with my little ray of sunshine this morning? She sounds … upset.”

I wanted to roll my eyes at his understatement and the fact that he had fallen into Latin syntax again which he tends to do when he is very tired. His “little ray of sunshine” was more like a stormy morning at the moment. Nydia liked her routine. Any time her routine was disturbed she let us know exactly how displeased she was. Most of the time Nydia really was like sunshine but she had her moments of being a strong-willed termagant just like any other toddler; and that was one of those mornings. “She is upset that the Disney Channel is off the air. All of the cable children’s programming is off the air. Some others from network tv as well and PBS, WUSF, and the local broadcasting stations have all gone national with 24-hour news coverage. I hate to use the TV as a babysitter but I may need to pop a DVD in until I can …”

“I’ll take her for a while. She can play at helping me.”

“Helping you what?” I asked as I put another eight quarts of hamburger in the pressure canner.

“The water?” he reminded me.

“Oh. I’m sorry.”

“Do not apologize Leah, without you … I have no idea where Nydia and I would be right now.” We did a little more than hug for a moment before being forced to come back to earth.

I stretched, trying to wake myself up enough to do mental math. “All right. We calculated one gallon of water per day per person for drinking and cooking only and we said we wanted to have one month in bottled water saved up. That is 90 gallons. We didn’t quite make it but it should be no problem to finish getting there since we still have power right now.”

Mateo asked, “How much do we have at the moment?”

“We have the ten five-gallon Zephyrhills jugs you ordered last month before you cancelled the contract. They’re along the wall in the garage. I’ve got another ten gallon-sized jugs on the gorilla shelves out there as well. That’s sixty gallons. We also have four flats and a piece of sixteen-ounce water bottles but I’m not going to count them in our total, we’ll keep them back in case … in case we have to leave for some reason which reminds me that we never finished those backpacks for the Jag or my Chevy and …”

"One thing at a time mi Corazon.”

I took a steadying breath and continued, “For wash water I can use the pool and the rain barrels. I wish we had had time to have Southern Solar come out and hook everything up to the well.”

“The parts were delivered,” Mateo reminded me looking at me consideringly.

“Uh … I don’t know very much about electric beyond the basics Mateo and this is something above and beyond. I can change and add outlets, switches, fans, lights, and splice wires … simple stuff like that … but solar? I don’t know Mateo. I’d be scared of causing a surge or blowing the batteries. Did they deliver the schematics with the supplies?”

“Yes, I believe so. Hmm … first let’s fill more containers – I would rather be safe than sorry – and then while Nydia naps I will lay everything out on the lanai in the order of the pictures.”

“Mateo are you sure about this? I’ve never worked with solar beyond the plug-n-play chargers like the ones on the electric fence.”

“You saved me a maintenance call last year on the charger for the pool pump.”

“That was just a loose wire Mateo, anyone could see that. I …”

“We will figure it out together. Don’t get cold feet on me now Leah. It can be no worse than taking apart the air conditioner to fix the …float switch? … and clean the coils.”

“That’s different,” I tried to explain.

“I do not see how.”

Trying to remain calm I responded, “Because they were already put together the way they were supposed to go. All I did was make some small repairs following simple directions. This would be starting from scratch!”

“I still say, working together, we can figure it out.” Mateo’s confidence in me is both a blessing and a curse. I’m forever worried that I’m going to run up against something that he is sure that I can fix that I make a complete mess of. “Now, what can I fill with water before we lose power.”

Knowing he was right and I was wasting time I said, “I have two garbage bags full of clean two-liter soda bottles I’ve been saving and we have that extra pickle barrel we didn’t need for the water catchment system and … oh no!”

“What?!!” I had startled him.

“No power … no freezer … no frig … no computer … I … I’ve got to get moving! I’ve got to finish …”

“Easy Leah. Look at me. Now I will say to you something that my mother used to drive me insane with. ‘There is as much time as there is.’ We’ll do what we can and it will simply have to be enough.”

I wanted to scream at him that it was easy for him to say but I didn’t because he did understand. In his industry everything and everyone was always “on.” Multi-tasking wasn’t merely a line in his job description; it was a mandatory survival skill. So were patience and perseverance and the recognition that sometimes there simply wasn’t enough time in the day to get everything accomplished and sometimes you missed an opportunity through no real fault of your own. Mateo was very good at compartmentalizing things and that was a skill I was going to need to develop.

So I took a deep breath, counted to ten, and said, “Spray the pickle barrel on the inside with straight bleach to sanitize it and kill some of the smell. While that is soaking take the two-liter bottles and pour a capful of bleach in each bottle, swish it around, and then fill with water. Make sure the cap you use for each bottle gets soaked in some bleach water as well. After the bottles, the barrel can finish being cleaned and filled. While you’re doing that, I’ll put water bobs in Nydia’s tub and the guest bathroom tub and get them filled. We’ll need to use your bathroom for Nydia’s bath time but I can still use the shower stall in the pool bath. That should give us another … let’s see, fifty plus one hundred times two, plus another … four liters is just a smidge over a gallon and I think there are almost two dozen bottles out there …hmmm … OK that should give us about two hundred and sixty more gallons of drinking water after everything has been filled.”

Mateo nodded at the plan in satisfaction. “Very good. I’ll check the salt level in the pool and shock it if necessary just to be on the safe side. I think we are due some rain tonight as well. I’ll use the spigot and transfer the water already in the barrels to the garden cistern.”

After our brief brainstorming session we both went to work. When the water was taken care of I asked Mateo to finish pulling all of the citrus fruit and I juiced and canned it all since it was now too soft to make good segments. The loquats were also beginning to ripen so I made a small batch of loquat preserves as well.

Lunch, when I finally found time to stop long enough to prepare it, was pimento cheese made from a block of Velveeta cheese on homemade bread along with a salad of homegrown cherry tomatoes in vinegar and oil and seasoned with salt and pepper. Dinner was the last steaks in the freezer and nearly the last anything in the freezer. As I had removed items from the freezer I had filled the space with bottles of water. When the water in the bottles froze it meant that the freezer didn’t have to run so often or work so hard to maintain its temperature. I had forgotten to include those frozen bottles in our water total so they were actually “gravy” and decided not to worry about it and consider it a cushion for our reserves.

Along with the steaks we ate baby carrots and loose leaf lettuce out of my window box garden. By necessity rather than plan, dinner was eaten on paper plates on the lanai. A so-called rolling brown out that started about 3:45 pm just as I was taking off my latest round of canning turned into an actual black out which forced Mateo to grill the steaks outside. As careful as we tried to be, as I was pulling some of the fruit that Mateo had missed, I heard some of the neighbors wondering enviously who in the neighborhood had been grilling out. I’ve been much more careful ever since then with food odors. We’ve got quite a bit of distance between our property and all of the adjacent homes, but smells still carry a long way, especially if you are hungry.

 

[Lake Lili]

Thanks Kathy!
Lili

 

[Griz3752]

My archive has this but I'm reading along as another read is never a bad thing for just about anything in TB2K, particularly these. ....

 

[Kathy in FL]

Part 3 -3

As afternoon turned to evening we could hear people in the neighborhood calling out to each other to see if anyone had power yet … and whether anyone had a generator. We did not interact with anyone primarily because some of our neighbors had rather different views of property rights than we did, particularly the neighbor immediately to our west, the one that worked for the county. Gerald had made a huge stink when we began to renovate the barn, going so far as to call code enforcement, because he was concerned that we weren’t using environmentally friendly paint and that we might be dumping stuff in the lowlands behind the house rather than disposing of it as he deemed appropriate. Turns out that code enforcement actually cited him when they went through his yard to get to ours and saw that he had built a shed inside the conservation belt and had shut down the utility company’s right of way to access power lines that ran behind his property. We got the blame for that snafu for some reason and our neighbor relations with him and his family haven’t been particularly good since then.

Mateo and I were both exhausted that night. Events around town had quieted enough that Mateo told me to take Nydia to bed early and that he would be making an early night of it as well. There was nothing to stay up for anyway with the power still out. We had the radio with rechargeable batteries and the solar recharger, and then we had the wind-up radios some of which had their own solar back up but most of the radio stations were without power so no one was broadcasting anyway. I was grateful for his insistence; I really was exhausted to the point of tears and I needed sleep desperately at that point. However, when I got up the next morning it was to find Mateo had slept in front of the doors to our rooms.

“Mateo!” I whispered after nearly tripping on him as I tried to exit the room.

He groaned, “Not morning already?”

Still whispering to avoid waking Nydia, “Yes, morning. And the power is back on … the toilet tanks filled about 4:30 this morning, waking me up for a second. I’ll go check the frig and freezer and get breakfast started while you tell me why you were sleeping on the floor instead of in your bed where you belonged.”

I helped him stand and we went to the kitchen. “No power, no security system. And the phone lines were down for a while as well so no calling for help should we have needed any. I wasn’t too worried about it because of the security shutters but then I picked up some talk on the hand-held radios and I heard a report that another riot had started in College Hill … and that the authorities couldn’t contain it or at least couldn’t last night. A fire started in West Tampa as well and there wasn’t any water pressure for the emergency responders and all they could do was watch it burn until they could bring in a pumper tank. It was simply … better … for me to watch over you and Nydia in case something …”

“But on the floor?! Look at you, you’re even more exhausted than you were last night … and moving kind of funny too. Is that a scuff mark on your cheek?”

He’d tripped over the coffee table in the dark – I’m surprised I hadn’t heard him – banging his face on the back of his recliner on his way down to the floor. As I dabbed first aid cream on the injury, Mateo nearly fell asleep in my arms. I knew he simply couldn’t take too many more nights like the ones he’d been having. And that’s how I … and Nydia … began sleeping in Mateo’s room. We turned one of the large walk in closets into a “camp out” room for her and I became a wife in fact and not just title. I found that I too felt more secure with us all together at night, or at least closer at hand than at opposite ends of the house.

The power continued to go up and down that day. They tried to keep the power on at the hospitals as much as possible but we heard, again through the civilian broadcasts on the hand held radios, that the hospitals were using their backup generators more often than not. The areas of town that made the most noise got lots of attention as always and the areas of town that remained law-abiding – or at least appeared so on the surface since they caused no open problems – went without even though the needs in those areas were just as great.

A week into martial law the authorities had no choice but to let people return to work to head off more riots and infrastructure failure, but it was a changed world for all of us. Many people found that when they tried to return to work their jobs weren’t waiting for them, or that they were laid off after a few days of clean up. The week that the country was on hold was the straw that broke the camel’s back for many small businesses; and many large businesses as well. The greater majority of the service industry told their employees to stay at home on unpaid leave if they didn’t let them go completely so that they could get them off of their payrolls, especially any mandatory health care expenditure accounts. The laid off people ran to sign up for Medicaid coverage and other state and federally funded health care only to find out that there was a huge application processing backlog and that applications didn’t stave off the net being thrown out by government enforcers to levy fines and delinquency charges. Unemployment checks were still considered income for tax purposes and that amount was used on the sliding scale to determine how much they were going to be charged … a great deal more than most expected since you couldn’t just opt for a catastrophic-only plan.

The Federal Reserve still had no real plan for exiting the mess created by the Stimulus Packages passed by Congress and signed into law or any of the quantitative easing strategies that came afterwards. They had finally managed to divest themselves of the banks and other industries that had been nationalized, and even turned a profit on some of the entities (at least on paper), but the decision by and large was one that cost the taxpayers of this country billions of dollars. In an attempt to stem the rising risk of inflation the decision was made to abruptly turn off the printing presses again – a process that had been going on and off for a several years to try and control the value of the dollar - to give the economy time to absorb the extra dollars raising the specter of deflation instead when that plan worked no better than the one before it. To pay the unfunded mandates as well as the ever increasing debt service on the deficit the federal government went into overdrive collecting all of the “fines” and back taxes they could. No one was exempt. Even Mateo and I got caught.

One day I walked into Mateo’s office to bring him some cold, sweet tea when he looked at me with this horribly ashamed expression, “Leah, I’m sorry, I …”

“What’s wrong Mateo?” I asked concerned.

A pale faced anger replaced his discomposure. “I’ve done everything I could think of Leah. I’ve moved some money offshore but not enough and we can’t bring it back in without risking huge fines, fees, and taxes. We’d wind up owing more money than is actually in the accounts right now. And for some reason they have me qualified as self-employed rather than unemployed and they are requiring me to pay taxes up front instead of at the end of the year as they’ve always allowed the self-employed to do in the past. They can’t prove I have any income, I closed all of the investment accounts and disbursed the funds, and yet they are asking me to pay taxes as if I was still making the same income I made at the firm. If I don’t they’ll begin fining me and the fines and interest accrue daily … daily!! And now the county is asking for quarterly payments … up front … on the property taxes. Do we not own anything anymore in this country?!! Or do we merely manage it for the government’s benefit?!”

“Easy Mateo, it’s bad. I agree, it is definitely bad and unfair and everything else. So … so what do we do?”

“I …,” and he raked his hands through his hair. “The only option I have at this time is to … Leah, the money in your account. I can close it and …”

“Well, then do it. The sooner we get them off our back the better.”

“Leah, you don’t understand, that’s … the money from the sale of your parents’ home …”

“We’ll get it back somehow. Eventually. Probably. And right now that account is inaccessible to me except in limited circumstances anyway according to the statement we received. This is one of those limited circumstances. Cash it out. Do what you have to do. Maybe when all of the visible money is gone they’ll have less to take aim at.”

“It should only be so easy.” Mateo took a deep, calming breath and then looked at me, “As God as my witness Leah, I’ll get the money back somehow. I’ll …”

“Don’t. Don’t do this to yourself. I trust you Mateo. I know how hard you’ve worked to try and save what you can. You wouldn’t bring this up if you hadn’t already exhausted all other options. You’ve gotten us this far. At least we don’t have to worry about going to the grocery store so much.”

You see, taxes and fines weren’t the only problems. When people did return to work, assuming they had work to return to, the price of fuel had skyrocketed. With little to no threat from the US, the Middle East had erupted in violence and extremist rhetoric. Threats of depegging from the dollar never materialized for most of OPEC but that doesn’t mean that words weren’t capable of causing us pain. The current Administration’s blindingly poor performance with regard to international relations had practically garroted any standing we once had. The “big stick” we’d had once again picked up there for a while was wrenched away by the next political round of idiots who thought appeasement was the saner course, only proving the exact opposite. Where once we were fuel independent, the environmental extremist ... citing naivete or not ... had demanded with enough politcal clout that they'd received far too man concessions too quickly and the coal and oil industries had been gutted and the vacuum had filled with half-baked ideas that did nothing but ultimately draw off a intentionally weakened power grid causing systemic collapse.

With the loss of the US’s balancing power, Russia quickly found itself overwhelmed and unable to cope with being the only former super power on the block and was also ignored by everyone no matter how much posturing they did. The “strong men” of the Middle East, technically secular but in reality driven solely by religious objectives, became the strong man by proxy through various terrorist organizations spreading fast internationally. However, instead of the peace they claimed to offer they were turning even more violent and suppressive than any of the dictatorships they replaced. The countries that neighbored Russia, China, and the Middle East region got caught betwixt and between and became “no man’s land” where a great many travesties of justice took place.

Russia also had China to worry about. But China was having its own set of internal problems. They were imploding economically and their own wells of social and ethnic troubles were increasing at an equal rate despite the rise in power of a new communist dictator. Since they had been the go-to source for a wide range of investment funds to keep countries running, China’s dramatic economic destabilization created a great deal of fall out around the world, especially when the government started calling for payments on the debts they were owed.

With the increase in the cost of fuel – not just from the cost per barrel but from all of the added taxes and processing costs – came an increase in the price of everything else. This was especially noticeable to us at the grocery store and produce markets. At first there were shortages everywhere from the week of martial law and once the shelves where re-stocked – sort of restocked anyway – prices were outrageous. To address this the government started to muck up the free market forces even more by instituting rationing and price controls which only made things worse – for some, much worse – except for those making a living on the black market and even there the risks were almost more than the returns were worth.

The specter of the fictional character John Galt – an anti-collectivism symbol – as portrayed in the novel “Atlas Shrugged” was bandied about quite widely and was even temporarily banned in many libraries. Boot-legged copies of the movies based on the book were hot items for those with the money to afford them. Work and productivity came to a standstill as business owners and workers united in protest against the idea of being required to financially support the “useless eaters” and “entitlement junkies” of this country. In reaction, the government couldn’t stop its previous mandates quick enough and couldn’t enroll the newly poor into their social/financial programs quickly enough. Everything was unraveling much faster than even the most depressing talk shows had anticipated. It wasn’t an overnight collapse, but it felt like we were dying by inches every day. The media was finally at least partially awakening from their masochistic love affair with progressivism but not soon enough. Some of the earliest large corporations to lay off large numbers of people were in the mainstream media and entertainment industries though it was not widely reported. First many people in those industries are contractors whose employment is treated differently; and, two since those industries controlled the flow of information, an entire segment of the unemployed population was shut out of the public eye.

The federal government, in the interest of Homeland Security, tried to shut down some broadcasting companies as well as some private companies that broadcasted on television, radio, and on the internet. If not completely shut them down, at least shut them up. The court had denied the FCC the prize it sought a few years ago of control of the internet – explaining they had not been able to establish a connection between their case and any existing law at the time. Since then the FCC, with the help of certain people in government, had changed that situation dramatically. Now the laws on the books looked similar to what had only existed in places like China in the past. The FCC now has the power to force carriers of all electronic media to have ratios of types of information and to desist in carrying information deemed inappropriate for the “common good.”

This had caused mass outrage in many sectors as who determined “appropriateness” could weight the rules heavily in their favor. This went from a “good intentions” law to censorship approved and supported by the law. What was written for one reason became used for another, similar to what happened to the RICO laws.

These days there is only one conservative broadcasting giant still viable and on the air, not because of their business model, but because the people demanded it. When the FCC had made a move to try and take over the network thousands upon thousands of viewers and listeners had surrounded every affiliate across the country. To prevent a bloodbath, the President and his men … and women … tried to make it appear that someone, in their zeal, had overstepped their authority. Someone was figuratively thrown under the bus – a standard and over used tactic - and the Administration reverted to their former tactics of belittling the network and refuting that it was a news agency and was only using their entertainment value to enflame the masses. A tactic used by both sides in recent history. What a bunch of smelly fertilizer.

All the attempted coup did was validate the fears that people had. The network and all of its affiliates are now basically armed camps with the type of heavy security that only truly free men can offer and understand. They have also turned into small cities in their own right as some have had to move their families into the administrative offices to protect them from the other tactics now being used to intimidate employees of these stations … SEC investigation of the corporation’s stock value, audits by the IRS, social services investigating reports of child or elder abuse, dirty little tricks to make life miserable.

This was also true of the large social media outlets and search engines, not to mention a few of the big tech giants. The old #metoo movement played a role as a useful idiot causing the good they could do to be clouded out by the more self-serving jumping on their coattails. It didn’t matter what people’s politics were, if they refused to be manipulated or taken over, the government attempted to coerce them in other ways. There was a vicious backlash against anyone or anything that even half-way smelled like a hacker and people were arrested almost daily for “treason” against the government. Many simply disappeared … from entertainment personalities with strong opinions to the neighbor kid down the street playing in a pond he was a very little fish in. Rumors were that some of the missing were escaping to private islands – Mateo snorted at that one and said “Fantasy Island more like” – while others became mythological caricatures in urban legends.

Our days during this time were stressful. Mateo and I weren’t just waiting for the other shoe to drop, we were waiting for the rain of shoes on our roof top. It became a daily occurrence for me to see Gerald outside peaking over or through the fence with his stupid notepad, scribbling away. When I finally figured out how to hook up the solar so that we could switch the well off of electric when we needed to, Gerald sent the inspection department Nazis over. All they did was give us a sticker of compliance with the new conservation mandates and congratulated us on being the first in the neighborhood. They also gave us a receipt to turn in to get a rebate. I thought Gerald was going to have a stroke from the look on his face as it went from gloating to furious when he found out the results of his call. Mateo told me to ignore him, that Gerald was acting the way he did to rattle us and that in reality he was just a cog in a wheel and not the important bureaucrat he envisioned himself to be, but that only helped my state of mind so much.

 

[Kathy in FL]

My archive has this but I'm reading along as another read is never a bad thing for just about anything in TB2K, particularly these. ....

There are some changes here and there and additions.

 

[Kathy in FL]

Part 3 - 4

In reaction to having no control over certain areas of my life I became a control freak in others. I just about worried our garden to death. I spent hours every day checking for bugs, watering each plant carefully – using water I dipped from the deepest parts of the swamp when the rains didn’t come as often as they needed to since the solar only supplied the lines to the house and not the ag well – and fertilizing as sparingly as I could get away with. When I wasn’t doing that I was helping Mateo collect wood for our wood pile – in the guise of cleaning up our yard to meet the new “beautification” codes that were just a guise to keep people as busy as possible so they wouldn’t have time to foment unrest; sort of like the old CCC only without the pay check. We also reinforced our security starting with our own fence sections.

Thus far we had been having better luck than we should have hiding our assets and new lifestyle. The fence and gate helped as did the brambleberries and climbing roses, confederate jasmine, and other things that I had planted along the fence where we couldn’t install plank-on-plank fencing. So did the fact that we had never been the type of people to share our private business far and wide. We didn’t have to suddenly stop talking about certain things because we had never talked about them in public in the first place. And people were really focused on their own miseries – well most people, Gerald is still a pain in my backside with his stupid surveillance act. A lot of people’s situational awareness ended at their own front door. And I kept busy; very, very busy. Every day brought new projects that I could focus some of my nervous energy on.

How Mateo was coming up with some of the materials I don’t know. We used up most of our materials for the barn renovation when I built the hidden storage space in the house. I’m not sure I want to know where some of the stuff comes from. At one point I was convinced it had something to do with the old playhouse built on stilts and hidden in the lowlands behind our property. I have my suspicions, namely that it has something to do with Mateo’s odd friend Greg and a railroad, but the less said about it the better.

I suppose the one good thing that came out of that time was that we learned who in the neighborhood could only complain about the lemons life was handing them and who could actually make lemonade. Our neighbor to the east was several years older than Mateo and had grown children and two grandchildren about Nydia’s age. He had owned his own maintenance company and was hit very hard economically. Taxes were eating him alive and he had to make a hard choice.

“Matt … Leah … I’m sorry to tell you but we’re moving.”

“Moving?!” I asked alarmed at the prospect of some of the most self-reliant people we knew packing up and leaving the area.

“Yeah. The county has already taken my little fishing shack over off of Anclote for back taxes. The place is just sitting their rotting but they even have a court order that I can’t fish off the old pier over there that has always been public use even though it was privately owned by my grandparents. I can’t afford another pre-tax payment on this place. We’re moving to our hunting lodge up in Georgia and the kids are going with us. We’ll be living like a bunch of dang hillbillies in side by side trailers but I own the land free and clear and I’ll be able to put food on the table for a while, at least until they try and take my fishing and hunting licenses away. You watch, guns’ll be the next thing on their agenda just like they try every year or so … surprised they ain’t done more than they have already.”

“We’ll be sorry to see you go,” Mateo said.

Mrs. Nelson, a quiet woman who rarely spoke at the best of times, said, “We honestly hate to leave, we have so much invested in the house … then again we don’t, it isn’t really ours after that last refinance we did and since they shut our business down for so-called environmental reasons, and well, the government can have it and good luck to them when we’re through with it.”

That made me blink. Mr. Nelson continued, “The ‘burbs are getting too hard for us. I played fair too long, didn’t stock up the way I should have. Never thought things would go the way they have. There’s been no one big event that is making us skidaddle to safer digs the way we probably should have months ago. Things are getting lean around here and all our supplies are up at the lodge. My uncle – lives on the land too – keeps an eye out but he’s getting on up there in years and needs some help keeping the poachers at bay; lots of vagrants from the cities trying to squat out in the woods too. But listen, what we want to talk to you about is … well, you’ve still got a little one and I know you got the raw end of the stick too. There is no way, even with us and the kids packing up, that we can take everything. Can’t afford the gas to do it either nor the surcharges for any more extra axles on the road. My son is using his rig to get his and his sister’s houses packed up and we’ll put in what we can but there still won’t be much room to move four households – we’re picking up my mother on the way out of town. But no way do I want the government to get what we leave behind. I guess you’ve heard what’s happening on the news.”

Mr. Nelson was referring to the redistribution of “abandoned or excess resources” that had started to happen. More like a payoff to keep some members of the general public from revolting; or maybe bribing them is a more accurate description. It started with businesses that had shut their doors but hadn’t cleaned out their stock yet. The government went in and took whatever was leftover to cover fines, back taxes, or to – and this was a huge load of bunk – to prevent environmental impacts. The “abandoned” items were redistributed to the “needy.” Food and clothing were easy to understand – not that I agreed with the tactics used but it still made sense in a world that had descended into Marxism – but often the city, county, and state (and their employees) were the beneficiaries as the items were sold on the open market and the resulting cash disappeared into municipal coffers.

Tampa was far from the only municipality doing this. Even the federal government was using such tactics and there was the occasional scuffle between the feds and the local authorities when there was a disagreement over who had the “right” to a resource. It never seemed to occur to anyone except the victims that none of the government bodies had the legal right to do what they were doing at all. No writ of possession had been issued. No judgment had been granted by a court. No sheriff’s sale had been scheduled and advertised. A team from the government body making the claim simply walked in and took things, often not even leaving a receipt behind of what was taken. And people found they couldn’t even claim the losses on their taxes without such a receipt.

Mateo nodded to Mr. Nelson in understanding. Mr. Nelson then said, “We have things almost packed up. You’re the first in the neighborhood we’ve told and probably the only one except for old man Houchens on the other side of us. Know for a fact he has some family moving him out in a couple of days too. Poor old guy, they’ve disallowed some of his medications that keep him going and it’s only a matter of time now. Medicare will pay for Hospice but won’t pay for a cheaper drug that would actually keep him alive with a decent quality of life.” Mr. Nelson sighed deeply and said, “I just don’t know what this country is coming to. Who would have ever thought … but it’s here and we have to make the best of it. Mateo, you helped me get out of that 401K mess a couple of years back and I’d like to share a last drink with you. We are heading out at first light.”

While Nydia chased a locust around the yard – and I prayed it would leave my garden alone long enough for me to finish my conversation with the lady in front of me – Mrs. Nelson said that she wanted to leave me her succulents and her pots of tomatoes since they didn’t have any room for them in the truck. “I’m actually relieved that we didn’t plant a winter garden this year, it’s that much that I’m not being forced to leave behind.” And then she broke down crying. By the time her husband and Mateo came back outside she’d gotten herself under control but both Mr. Nelson and Mateo looked grim and Mr. Nelson was also sporting red-rimmed eyes like his wife.

As Mateo picked Nydia up and we headed back inside to escape the mosquitoes that had come to dine I finally caught the locust with Nydia’s butterfly net and tossed it to the concrete where it made an oddly satisfying splatt.

“Nasty Nonny. Nasty. Ewwwww.”

“I know Baby Doll but I didn’t want that bug eating our garden.”

After a moment Nydia asked, “Nonny, how come da lady was twying? Was it da bug? Did it scare hers? It was big and yucky.”

“Something like that Baby Doll, it was something big and yucky.”

I was grateful that I had decided that morning to try out the solar cooker I had made as the power was out … again. It was basically just an old pizza box that I had altered with directions I had found online but beggars can’t be choosers. It cooked well enough that I made biscuit pizzas. Mateo’s was loaded to the max but Nydia’s and mine were plain cheese that I had made from powdered milk.

After playing outside all day and then another hour or so in the pool, Nydia was more than ready to go to bed for the night after Mateo read her a chapter from Trumpet of the Swan replete with sound effects. I was cleaning up and putting together a thermos breakfast of oatmeal that would cook overnight and be the next day’s breakfast when he walked in with the wind up lamp.

“Did she finally give it up?”

“She fell asleep two pages in. It took me a while to realize I was reading to myself.”

After a few more moments of quiet companionship Mateo said, “As soon as the clouds cover the moon I’m going back over to the Nelson’s place.”

“Why?” I asked, concerned that we were getting involved in something that could lead to trouble.

“Nelson is determined. He’s going to leave just enough for the government thugs that are bound to show up sooner or later … probably sooner if Gerald sticks his nose into things … and the rest he’s insisting that we take.”

“What? Wait, I … Mateo …”

“Leah, it makes sense. He can’t take it all. He doesn’t want the government on his trail if he can help it. If they take the property he’ll be out from under any new taxes and he’s already paid off the old and has proof of it; did it yesterday as a matter of fact. He’ll leave some contents to make it look like he took everything he could and just took off, which is true. But even with the way they have everything packed down there is a lot that they don’t have room for.”

“Mrs. Nelson told me about her plants. I can hide them in with what we already have because she uses the same generic black plastic pots as we do.”

“There’s more gardening equipment and chemicals and I’ll store them in the barn; I plan on storing it all in the barn until we can go through it. Anything they have a duplicate of at the property is being left behind, most of their furniture too but that will stay in the house – they were smart enough to move most of their family heirlooms up to the lodge when they lost their place on Anclote and had started thinking of retiring early. But his business equipment needs a new home and we have room in the barn. I’ll hold onto it as long as I can in case they return but the way Nelson talks he’s ready to shake the dust off and move on and never look back.”

 

[Kathy in FL]

Part 3 - 5

Within two days of the Nelsons leaving people from the county showed up and kicked in their front door … unnecessary since it had been left unlocked. I didn’t even see them make an attempt to serve a legal notice before they ransacked the place. They just backed a dumpster onto the property and loaded it down with the remaining contents and then hauled it away after slapping No Trespassing stickers all over every window and door and sealing the building with hazmat tape.

The Nelsons and the Houchens weren’t the only ones that simply disappeared one day. Roughly fifteen percent of the homes on our street became vacant within four months. The subdivisions surrounding our small enclave of homes on acreage were even worse with some streets looking like there were more empty homes than ones where people lived. The florescent orange stickers signifying that the government had taken over the property looked like a new holiday decorating fad.

On our street most of the remaining neighbors tried to at least keep the yards of the vacant homes mowed … there was a booming business for homemade push mowers and Mateo bought one off of Craig’s List. We also used the swing blades. Pools were emptied as people dipped the water out of them during the times that the power was off. And the occasional gator was shot as it was sunbathing with the only evidence left behind being the entrails left after the meat and skin had been hauled away, and those soon disappeared in the gullets of the local scavengers.

We both now had the bodies we had only dreamed of with hard abs, bronze skin, and arm muscles that no pickle jar could ever stand against but it sure wasn’t as satisfying as I had always imagined it would be. There were days when I dreamed of pale skin and softer curves, thinking that women that still had those must be rich indeed … or that they had latched onto some government employed Sugar Daddy. Even unemployed our days were full of nothing but work in one form or another; and sometimes it was just as much work not to turn bitter over what we had to do to survive.

The heat of summer saw the end of my winter garden and left me with only black eyed peas and okra growing. It also brought the return of rioting, especially when the power was off and the air conditioning failed. The government no longer made any pretense of civil liberties. For a while there had been noise of bringing in UN Peacekeepers to help when many National Guardsmen and military personnel refused orders to fire on unarmed citizens. That plan had fallen through however as the world at large began to descend into chaos.

Contrary to what many had thought, the US really did serve a purpose as the world’s biggest Boy Scout. As we became unable to give as much away in charitable contributions, or the Administration picked and chose where to offer the little assistance available with no apparent logic especially when it came to our allies, a great many people began to suffer. As the US instituted taxes and tariffs on all imports, other countries returned the favor and did it to our exports. Instead of selling our grains as an export, it sat rotting in warehouses despite real hunger hitting our own citizenry because of price controls, rationing, and general bureaucratic inefficiencies at all levels. Going to the grocery store was like a trip to Russia in the 60s and 70s – long lines, few items, and ration books. We’d been through the tit for tat in the past, but that time we’d won. This time no one was winning.

Many grocery stores simply closed, unable to cope financially. Other places that had formerly used groceries to help their gross income closed as well … mini marts became a thing of the past, many either boarded over or were even firebombed to unrepairable shells in some parts of town. I used to love taking Nydia and going to the grocery store, flea market, or produce stand. Not now. Now it was like entering hell on a one-day pass. And I was constantly worried I was going to get stuck some place if violence broke out. I hated the lines. I hated the depression. I hated the anger that simmered just below the surface. But I hated the feeling of helplessness most of all and the aura of hopelessness that seemed to follow some people around like a fog. Even though it wasn’t hard labor I always came back from shopping exhausted and with a headache that took the rest of the day to get rid of.

I never went any further than I had to but unfortunately it was always alone. Neither Mateo nor I felt safe taking Nydia out in public any longer, people were so unpredictable. Neither one of us felt safe leaving the house completely empty in case someone from the government showed up and mistook our house for another “abandoned” one. The government tried to claim that such circulating stories were nothing but urban legends; however we knew for a fact that it did happen … had happened twice in our own area.

I didn’t even attend church any longer but when the power was on we listened to the podcasts of the sermons. Seems if this crisis has done nothing else it has driven people back to church, or at least back to a type of faith that wasn’t there before. I heard through the grapevine that many churches offered potluck dinners on Sundays to church members, either as a breakfast or after the morning services. Wednesday was another popular night for potluck or “Stone Soup” dinners as they were being called. Everyone brought what they could, and it was turned into a large soup or stew. The church provided crackers, cornbread, or rolls and a selection of beverages. Some Catholic churches had returned to the traditional Friday fish fry by contracting with local fishermen direct at the pier.

A barter system also sprang up within the local churches. People would list items that they had for trade or that they wanted to trade for … or services they could offer or needed. Of course, everyone had to be careful because the government was trying to force people to have business licenses to do this. Places like Craig’s List, Etsy, and Ebay were all heavily monitored by the government so that no taxes or fees went unpaid. There was no way the government was going to give up the VAT tax or other sales tax and fees that a barter economy subverted.

We were lucky. We had started preparing just in time. Nothing lasts forever though and both Mateo and I craved different items at different times. The thing we craved most though was fresh eggs. Powdered eggs were great for baking and they even made decent omelets if you put some effort into it, but for scrambled eggs they were the pits; or at least I had never been able to make decent scrambled eggs with the powdered stuff. And frying was not an option either.

 

[Griz3752]

There are some changes here and there and additions.

More good news - not sure I can bear it

 

[Kathy in FL]

Part 3 - 6

One day Mateo made one of his mysterious forays into the city to meet his friend Greg and returned with six sad looking chickens in a dog crate.

“Mateo? What on earth? Do I even want to know where these came from?”

“To make a long story short … no. But do not worry, they are … what do you call them … feral chickens. They are the descendants of the ones left behind when many of the migrants returned to Central and South America rather than pay taxes here. You know that Greg “finds” things and … well no, you really don’t want to know.” As I picked small feathers out of his hair and out of unusual places on his clothing he continued, “He suggested that we build a coop for these in the barn and let them do something called free range. With no rooster we won’t have to worry about chicks, but if we can get fresh eggs you won’t worry so much.”

Greg had a habit of “finding things” all right. Why he felt the need to gift Mateo with so much stuff I’ve never been sure of. Greg is … eccentric doesn’t really cover it but it is the closest polite description I can come up with at the moment. He doesn’t make the greatest first impression and while he’s rubbed off on me a little bit – he really does think a lot of Mateo – even after long acquaintance he takes a lot of tolerance from me when he is in one of his moods.

Actually I’m grateful to Greg and shouldn’t bad mouth him after what happened. We – no I – would have been in some serious trouble without his odd skills.

It had been months since we had heard anything from any of the Lazaro family. The SEC investigator never materialized at our home. We had relaxed and made assumptions we shouldn’t have. About six months from the week of martial law that changed everyone’s economic landscape, I was subpoenaed to appear to give a deposition for Mr. Lazaro’s lawyers and some federal investigators. It was totally out of the blue and I really resented the lack of warning and being dragged into the whole mess. I didn’t blame Mateo, it wasn’t his fault. No, the fault for what happened lies solely on Lazaro and I now detest the man more than I ever did before.

I never considered myself stupid and after being around Mateo, even before our marriage, I’d learned a few things. Two of the most important things I’d learned was that you never volunteer anything, and that documentation is king. Lazaro and his minions underestimated me. They were also lame and grossly misinformed; they didn’t realize the difference between the funds that Mateo had set up for me – now hidden overseas after making it appear the money had been lost to a bad investment – and the account that had always been in my name from what was realized from my parents’ estate, it too now gone to pay taxes. I came prepared with proof of where those funds originated and proof that all taxes had been paid; thereby refuting their ridiculous assertion that Mateo was hiding undeclared assets under my name.

“What’s the difference?” I asked. “His name, my name? Florida is a community property state and we filed our federal income tax forms married-filing jointly. Or does Mr. Lazaro assume everyone is as corrupt as he is and hides assets in LLCs and in his children’s names … not to mention the rumors of mistresses and foreign currency dealings. Or maybe he just wants to blame my husband for publicly pointing out that his poor professional behavior cost people their life savings?”

I looked away from the death rays that Lazaro was shooting my way with his cold gray eyes and I noted a ferrety looking little man in the back taking notes. I also noted how Lazaro’s attorneys (yes, plural) were studiously avoiding paying that man any attention.

After hours of their nonsensical questioning – I didn’t understand half of what they were talking about or trying to lead me to say – I was finally released from the deposition. I stood up to leave and watched the federal agents look at Lazaro’s team of lawyers with less than happy expressions and the ferrety man looking like he was chewing on something tasty.

Turned out the ferrety man’s name was Louis “No Stone Unturned” Banks, Esq. … the newly hired divorce attorney of Mrs. Lazaro. “Yes, my client caught her estranged husband moving assets and raiding the account set up in her name as part of their prenuptial agreement. Here’s my card. If you can remember specific details, I’m sure Mrs. Lazaro would prove to be very appreciative,” he said with a barely discernible wink before catching sight of someone and scurrying in their direction.

As much as I would love to have had information to share to repay Lazaro for his actions, I didn’t. And even if I had I’m not sure that I would have ultimately given into the temptation. What goes around comes around and some ancient proverb said “when embarking on a journey of revenge, first dig two graves.” Better to avoid the temptation – and potential repercussions – and keep my nose firmly stuck in my own business, something too many people seem to lack the skill to do.

As topsy turvy as our lives had become since our marriage, things became even more so that day. As I left the offices where I was deposed I noticed that the gas tank in my Chevy was around three-quarters full. That wasn’t bad but I decided to top it off anyway. It was a rare day when fuel didn’t go up a penny or two … not so much because of the price of crude per barrel but because of all of the new taxes being added per barrel at the state and federal level.

I was at a red light waiting for the arrow on my side to turn green so I could make a left turn and then turn right into the gas station closest to our street. A woman in oncoming traffic was in a hurry, talking on her cell phone, and she blew through the light … the same time two bicyclists were crossing in the crosswalk (something they weren’t supposed to do since there was a bike lane and they too weren’t following traffic rules). The woman saw the cyclists at the last moment, slammed on her brakes, swerved and … I still don’t remember being hit. I don’t even remember getting scared that I was about to be hit. Heck, I don’t even remember the woman blowing through the light or anything. Everything I know is what someone else has told me happened.

With the drop in taxes and increase in fuel prices, one of the fall outs has been too few police officers, too few first responders, available at any given time to respond to emergency calls. They say I was only completely unconscious a couple of minutes but I wasn’t real with it for another ten or fifteen. The only thing that saved my life was that my poor Chevy was an old tank of a car. It still had a real metal bumper if that tells you how old it was and Bea’s brothers always treated me right so if something did have to be replaced they would go to the junk yard and pull a good piece instead of a fiberglass aftermarket thing. I had also been wearing my seat belt … no way did I want one of those $300 tickets they handed out like candy … and I also don’t like to sit right up on top of the steering wheel so when the woman’s car clipped my driver’s side front fender and pushed the front of my car to the right hard enough to cause the back end to spin to the left, I didn’t slam into the steering column area. The air bag didn’t deploy because I didn’t have one.

I spidered the driver’s door window with my head … still trying to figure out how that happened considering it was the back of my head that I did it with. The seat belt did its job, but it did some damage at the same time. My ribs were bruised, a couple cracked. I had skin abrasions all the way through my clothes and let’s just say the bruising has resembled a surreal piece of modern art.

I think the worse physical damage, other than the ribs, was the hamstring. I must have been twisted pretty violently and most of the muscles down the left side of my body were pulled, pinched, bruised, and lots of other nasty things.

But the scariest thing wasn’t the accident because I don’t remember it; it wasn’t the injuries either, at least not then. What was scary was that it took forty-five minutes for the first official to show up even though witnesses had called 911 right away. Heck, the news van got there before they did when people started calling the news stations saying how long it was taking for the cops and emergency responders to show up. This wasn’t some hokey back road. I was on a main highway not too far from an Interstate exit, still along a main drag. It wasn’t during rush hour so there wasn’t any physical impediment to them arriving. People were calling, apparently telling the 911 operator that the other lady and I were bleeding to death and that both the cyclists were already dead and it still didn’t get a unit to arrive any faster.

Most of the law officers in Tampa were assigned to cover areas where government buildings and other types of major infrastructure instillations were located. With those officers off the streets there just weren’t that many to send, plus the federal government had taken over the 911 system nationwide, supposedly in a bid to streamline some healthcare issues arising when people thought they were free to call an ambulance for less than emergency purposes … it was “free” after all. Except it never had been, people simply didn’t notice the cost because it was paid by insurance, Medicare, or Medicaid … and when the person didn’t pay, that cost was past along to the government who no longer wanted to support such payments.

During all of the craziness a witness turned out to be a neighbor, had recognized my car, and called Mateo. I was still penned in my car when he arrived, right after the first Sheriff got there. Bea and a couple of her brothers had come back to town for a short duration to clear out the last of their belongings and Mateo reached her on the first ring. She showed up about five minutes after Mateo – they were in the area and had meant to stop by as a surprise - with her two oldest half-brothers from her dad’s first marriage. One of them had spent 25 years with the VFD and was able to stabilize me and to calm Mateo down enough so that Bea could take Nydia back to the house.

The other lady didn’t make it. She hadn’t been wearing her seat belt and had been ejected. She was alive for a long while, lying on the blacktop where passersby did their best to keep her immobile and calm, but it wasn’t blood loss or internal bleeding that killed her but shock. Neither cyclist actually died though they did suffer life threatening injuries and there had been enough blood that everyone had thought they must be dead.

My own shock eventually wore off leaving my mind free to feel the pain I was in. The first responders were finally dispatched by 911 … the coroner was dispatched before those people who were trained to save lives. When the EMTs triaged the other three people they turned to me and I received better care in their hands than I did once I was admitted to the emergency room.

My car is history; between the impact and the “jaws of life,” or whatever you want to call that hardware that opens up vehicles like a tuna can, not even Bea’s brothers could put it back together. Mateo said it is probably the only good thing to come from the wreck; I still don’t understand why he hated my Chevy so much. I miss it, not that I’ve been able to drive but still, it was something left from my old life and it was reliable.

I eventually made it to the emergency room where I was left in the hallway on a gurney for a long time; I don’t really know how long but even in my condition I could grasp that a significant amount of time had passed. Nurses came and went, as much to comfort and calm Mateo as to check on me … but there were so many people needing their attention that they could only do so much until I had been seen by a doctor. Finally, a harried looking man in a white coat and scrubs came over … only because Mateo bodily picked him up and brought him over nearly by the scruff of his neck. The physician took one look at my chart and then looked at me and you could tell the young man was shocked. Under his breath Mateo swears he heard him mutter, “It wasn’t supposed to be like this. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. They promised; it wasn’t supposed to be like this.”

Blood work was drawn before they would administer any pain medication … and a good thing too. A rather antiseptic looking woman came in to the curtained off area where I had been put and told us bluntly that I was pregnant, that the accident was likely going to cause a miscarriage and that to prevent me further discomfort they were scheduling me for D-and-C immediately. It had taken hours of lying on a gurney in the hallway before anyone would even look at me but somehow they could schedule a pre-emptive abortion “immediately” for my comfort so I would have to go through the trauma of a miscarriage. Mateo and I wanted a sonogram to make sure that what they were saying was true but there weren’t any sonogram machines or techs available and really “it was inevitable so why not allow them to help me before the medical bills began to mount.”

I had held up pretty well until that point. I felt the walls closing in and a scream building in my throat. All I could do was beg Mateo, “Get her away from me. Make her go away! Make her leave me alone!!”

A nurse came in and started to try and calm me down. Eventually they turned the lights down and left Mateo and I alone. The crazy feeling finally let go but I looked at him and said, “There is no way that woman is coming near me again. Do you understand what I’m saying Mateo?”

“So long as you’re sure that is what you want. We’ll do this however you want mi Corazon. Just be calm. I won’t let her near you again,” he whispered, wiping my face with the damp rag the nurse had left.

 

[Kathy in FL]

Part 3 - 7

I was in the hospital for a little over twenty-four hours and never saw the inside of a room. The closest I came was the cubicle they wheeled me into so that I could be examined to see if I needed a cast on my leg or anything more invasive. The only thing they had me sign before I left the hospital – Mateo took care of all of the insurance paperwork – was a form acknowledging that I had turned down the D-and-C and that any medical complications due to this was solely my responsibility.

Bea had stayed in the house with Nydia and her brothers had camped out in the driveway with their camper and trailer to keep an eye on things and to keep the curious neighbors at bay … especially nosy Gerald. They stayed for another two days but then had to leave which was OK because by then I had finally started staying awake more than I was sleeping.

It was a rough three weeks; I was in pain but wouldn’t take the medication they had sent home with me “just in case.” I had spotted a little right after coming home but the promised miscarriage never occurred. I finally begged Mateo to go to the drugstore and get a home pregnancy test. In his usual style he brought home three because he didn’t know which brand I wanted. I actually laughed – the first time in a while albeit brokenly – when he told me of standing in front of the rack of tests trying to figure out which one to buy. Apparently when he would try and stop a woman and ask her opinion they thought he was some kind of weirdo and would run the other direction. The clerk from cosmetics finally took pity on him and helped him settle on his choices.

The first pregnancy test registered positive. I was ecstatic but Mateo remained reserved, more because he was too afraid to trust that things were going to be all right. I took another test two weeks later when my monthly cycle still hadn’t shown up and again it registered positive.

During this whole time I tried to have a somewhat normal life … hah, what a laugh. I was afraid and kept waiting to start spotting again which would signify a miscarriage was imminent. Another month went by and the referral for my OB/gyn appointment was finally approved. The appointment was enlightening in more ways than one. Mateo insisted on going with me and I’m glad because frankly I was shocked and I’m not sure I could have explained things to him if he hadn’t heard it from the horse’s mouth so to speak.

After arriving and filling out yards and yards of forms I was given all of the standard tests and then some. I was embarrassed because I’d never been subject to quite that thorough an exam before, not even while in the hospital for the wreck itself. I could feel Mateo’s stress as he sat at my head and held my hand. It’s not that he disliked the doctor, it was just a horribly awkward situation.

I dressed and we waited in yet another waiting area with us doing our best to entertain Nydia. When we were finally called back it was to a little closet of a room with two chairs, a desk, and a harried Dr. Milton sitting on the other side of the cluttered surface. “Mrs. Jakob, welcome to the end of your first trimester.” I immediately burst into tears … tears of relief. It took me a moment to pull myself together and assure the doctor I was happy.

The shocking part of the appointment wasn’t the news that I was still pregnant; the shocking part was why I had been forced to suffer in anxiety until I could see a doctor. The national healthcare database had me essentially blackballed. Actually blackballed really isn’t a good description; I’m not sure what a good, short description of the situation would be.

I had been listed as “high risk” and most OB/gyn’s no longer see high-risk patients because of the cost of malpractice insurance, lack of tort reform, shortage of specialists driven out of practice by the new laws, and new federal standards mandating price controls of treatments. The database had somehow tied me to my mother’s health history, then the wreck added another tally mark against me, and lastly I was listed as “emotionally unstable.” I didn’t get the last one at all but the doctor explained that it was probably a result of refusing to allow the hospital to perform the recommended procedure … the D-and-C.

The end of Roe v. Wade only put the onus covering abortions onto the States. Initially Florida had been fairly conservative on the matter and limited abortions to the first trimester. That got pushed to second-trimester until enough deaths and damage to women occurred proving that second-trimester abortion were worse for the woman than a full-term pregnancy. Then more legal activism got "any time including post birth abortion" instituted as well as a legal precedent that tried to say that post birth abortion could be consider euthanasia which they tried to get on the books as well. That was a massive mistep because of the number of elderly living in the state that refused to be "aborted because we are inconvenient." A lot of laws were struck down and currently abortions are only legal if they are a result of rape, incest, or the pregnancy is a danger to the female. And some hospitals and doctors go so far as to determine that without the right of the woman involved to object. Luckily Mateo had been there or God alone knows what they would have subjected me to.

“Well of course I wasn’t going to allow them to do a D-and-C without a sonogram and they refused to do one!” I exclaimed, uncharacteristically emotional, remembering how they had wanted me to simply trust them without any actual proof of whether their diagnosis was a correct one.

The doctor steepled his fingers and took a deep breath and said I could request going back into the pool to be referred to a different doctor but it was going to be yet another delay to me receiving prenatal care. “Mrs. Jakob, while I do not wish to alarm you, it would perhaps be beneficial if you were to allow us to keep you on our patient roster. The circumstances of your first trimester have been less than ideal. I would be remiss if I did not recommend closer monitoring than you might get had the accident not occurred.”

Basically the reality is that there could still be “complications.” How likely those complications could be isn’t quantifiable right now but so far so good. That doesn’t mean … but I’m not going there, I need to have faith. Things are already so bleak. Mateo and I decided to remain with Dr. Milton’s office and before we left, we were loaded down with literature to read. Mateo said “study” which is not the least bit amusing to me but would probably go over well in a sitcom because that’s exactly what he has done; like he is going to be tested on how much he retains of what he reads. We also left with a special ration card supposedly similar to the old WIC program that only pregnant women can obtain from their healthcare provider.

Originally it was supposed to encourage women to get prenatal care, but it has morphed into something else. When we tried to turn down the card since we were doing fine and some other woman might actually need it we were quietly pulled aside by the nurse.

“Take it, use it. We’re required by law to sign you up today either way. And,” she looked around to make sure no one was listening. In a whisper that barely moved her lips she said, “They check. If you don’t use it a social worker will show up at your house and want to do a home study. My sister is still fighting the findings of the so-called investigation her family was put through.”

When the three of us got into the Jag – I still miss my roomy Chevy – I wanted to discuss what we had learned but Mateo insisted on celebrating first. He made a call and then we drove to a small restaurant not too far from his old office.

We walked in the door and an older gentleman came out. He spoke excellent English but at the same time his accent made it patently clear that Cuba had been his place of birth. “Mateo! It has been too long. I have a table all prepared. Come, come.”

We had a lovely lunch of Arroz con Pollo, black beans (onions on the side for me thanks), fresh Cuban bread, and Tres Leche cake for dessert. The restaurant was small and even with the economy being the way it is there was still a wait to get a table, an even longer one if you wanted a booth. What I noticed was that while there was a real appreciation for the food, I didn’t see any real enjoyment going on. What I mean is that the people all looked stressed out. Mateo knew a few of the other patrons and there were nods of acquaintance but none of the “well met good fellow” type greetings that I used to see between his peers. People were not loud and boisterous and were not having a good time which was a complete contrast to the way things were before. The only “loud” was Nydia squealing at all the attention the owners of the place were paying to her and a belligerent couple at another table; fighting about what else but money.

The owner insisted on me sitting and waiting while Mateo brought the car around to the door – the brace on my knee was still necessary but brought some embarrassing attention that made me more uncomfortable than the brace did – and the owner’s wife was a little too loud with her congratulations on the impending addition to our family adding to my embarrassment. Nice lady, just she had a hearing problem and instead of talking to me she was basically announcing it to the entire restaurant and several buildings on either side. When Mateo pulled up a couple of the people that had recognized him came over and congratulated him and they wanted to get together and talk when he had time.

We were both quiet as he drove home. And instead of doing the work like we had planned we put Nydia down for a delayed nap and then lay on our own bed for most of the remainder of the day, saying nothing and everything at the same time.

Confirmation of the pregnancy being viable hasn’t changed our lives so much as reinforced how important everything we are doing is. Mateo did freak out a little bit when he started making up a budget … diapers, formula, clothes … and when he took a trip to the stores to get the average cost of the items he really freaked out. An upset stomach had me waking up in the middle of the night a few days later to find him gone from our bed. He wasn’t in the house and it wasn’t until I looked outside that I found him; but he wasn’t alone.

He was talking to Greg – how that man shows up and disappears like he does is a mystery.

“I didn’t mean to wake you Leah. You should go back inside.” Mateo was making it sound like a request but I knew in reality it wasn’t. Sometimes you keep the peace even when your dignity gets affronted.

When Mateo came in I was back in bed and turned away from him. “I’m sorry Leah but …”

“Don’t worry about it. Next time simply tell me ahead of time; that way when I wake up and can’t find you any place in the house I won’t worry. I’ll just assume you are on one of your manly ‘no women allowed’ covert operations.”

“Ouch. I said I was sorry mi Corazon. Greg is a little more … eccentric … these days and while I trust him I … I … I wish to protect you and Nydia as much as possible from what is going on.”

I sat up and turned to him, “Considering I don’t have a clue what is going on you are doing your job a little too well. How can I help if I don’t know?”

“I don’t wish you to help. I don’t want you involved. Wait … please Leah … understand me, this has gotten a lot more complicated than I had anticipated when I first agreed to get involved. What is going on is …”

“Illegal?”

“Not … not precisely.”

“Mateo Jakob, I taught teenagers. More prevarication I can do without.”

He chuckled, “Yes, I know la profesora.” Then he continued more soberly. “Seriously Leah, I really don’t want you involved. As I said I trust Greg but at the same time a reasonable man takes reasonable precautions. We are moving … items … that might otherwise have difficulty moving. Nothing is illegal but it gets things done with less … fuss and bother … when the … items … are moved shall we say, less publicly.”

“Do I want to know what these items are?”

“Let us say that you don’t need to know what the items are.”

“Mateo …”

“Leah, mi Corazon, let it go. For me. The greater complications that are occurring are less of a problem for me when I know that you aren’t a part of what is going on.”

“Mateo, I really don’t like the sound of this. Why can’t you simply tell Greg to take a hike if things are getting more complicated than you were given to believe in the beginning?”

“Because …” and his hesitation gave him away.

“Oh my gosh, you are enjoying this whole 007 thing aren’t you?!”

“Enjoying isn’t how I would describe it. But if you are asking if I get a certain amount of satisfaction from it? Then yes,” he replied rather smugly.

“And you promise this isn’t illegal? That we won’t wake up with the government knocking down our door and hauling you away?”

“I can no longer fathom what the infernal government is going to do. But what Greg and I are a part of is not illegal, that I can promise.”

 

[Kathy in FL]

Part 3 - 8

I had to be satisfied with his answer but at the same time it didn’t do a thing to settle my stomach. But even when drama abounds real life has to continue on. I found one of the reasons that Greg had been to our house that night was that Mateo wanted him to “find” items for our baby so we could prepare ahead of time. I finally got Mateo to sit down so that we could talk about what a baby would cost.

“Mateo, forget the formula. I can breastfeed. And, when I was little my mom used to make my formula and I know the recipe is still in my baby book in my hope chest. The nurse said that I could get liquid baby vitamins with that ration card. That is one of the ingredients in the homemade formula. If we can get cloth diapers then that will cost a lot less than disposable ones as well. And babies don’t really need all the clothes people buy for them. Nydia used to only get a wear or three out of her little outfits before she would outgrow them. She was happier in onesies and socks than in a ruffled dress with baby shoes.” We reworked the budget again and Mateo relaxed a little; not much but a little. There remained the issue of the cost of the hospital and birth but we’ve decided to put that off for a couple of months. Besides, there have been enough other things to cause us concern.

Life is both micro and macro. You live in your small world on a daily basis. You have to. The small details make the difference in how well you live. But you also live in a macro world where things beyond your control – the big picture – affect your micro world.

We live on our two acres and pretty much keep to ourselves but that isn’t to say that we aren’t aware of what is going on in the neighborhood. We stand there and listen while other people talk. Domestic violence is up; so is juvenile crime. Mateo caught some kids out in the swampland behind our house. I don’t know what they were doing back there but I think he, and possibly Greg the way Mateo was grinning about it afterwards, must have put some kind of scare into them because we’ve had no other problems like that since.

Our neighborhood is actually somewhat better off than many; some neighborhoods are more like the OK Corral than the suburbs. While we haven’t had any gunshots on our road I’ve seen with my own eyes that people are carrying their guns openly. I think it is more in reaction to some yahoo in DC once again saying there should be a complete federal ban on private gun ownership than actually needing the gun for protection, at least right now. If things get too much worse people might start wearing their guns for something more than to show they can.

There are parts of Tampa that you have to be careful in for more than one reason. College Hill, sane people avoid it at night. Some of the streets off of Nebraska Avenue have gotten even rougher. Parts of Town n’ Country, formerly a rather nice area, now erupt in gang violence at the least provocation. Too many young people without jobs to take up their time. Some parts of Sulfur Springs, formerly a resort area in the early decades of the 1900s, are dangerous no matter what time of day it is. Ruskin and Palmetto also have their problems. Clair Mel can be a battle zone as bad as Sulfur Springs when turf wars start with the sister community of Progress Village. And of course the violence has a bad habit of spilling over.

I’ve lived in Tampa my whole life and so has Mateo and though Mateo remembers the last College Hill race riots when he was a young boy, neither one of us ever remembers things being like this. Oh sure, you’d have your occasional bit of shocking violence but it was usually due to a small number of idiots … small number, as in less than ten. But these days it seems everyone’s temper is riding the surface. The rationing and price control causing shortages of basic food items has not helped at all. Even if you are lucky enough to still have the job you had two years ago, even a year ago, the money doesn’t go near as far as it did. The majority of employed people now report that though working, they are underemployed. Most of the underemployment issues are blamed on rising taxes, rising cost of the so-called free health care (long since mandated for every individual in the country), and the fines and fees imposed by the local government. If the government would just get out of the way most folks could deal with the rising cost of living as far as food and fuel goes.

And Tampa is no exception though Florida has suffered more than most states because of the loss of tourism income and lowered property tax income in the state. The only income source that remains constant is the income from the Florida Lottery and from the legalized gambling within the state. People would rather bet small fortunes on winning a large fortune than actually living with today’s reality.

I hear from Bea and her family once a week or at least three times a month depending on how often someone comes out of the swamp to make contact with what passes for civilization down there. I carry my cell phone with me all the time now, hoping to hear her voice; but usually it is just a long text letting me know how she is doing. Things are rough in their neck of the woods. People are scraping by the best they can; lots of poaching and more than a few reckless hunting accidents happen every week … and a few hunters have disappeared into the woods and swamp lands never to be heard from again.

Bea is being courted by a neighbor; they were introduced by her grandparents. He’s older than Mateo and she calls him her “diamond in the rough” and that for once her brothers are thrilled with her choice. The man must really be tough as old shoe leather then because Bea’s brothers have been known to be pretty rough on her beaus. She was thrilled when she found out I was having a baby and promises to try and be here for the birth but I think that is wishful thinking for both of us. It makes me sad to think about it; we grew up best friends and always dreamed of living next door and … well, it just makes me sad how our lives have gone so far off course from what we imagined as little girls when we had no cares but baby dolls and building blocks.

 

[Kathy in FL]

Part 3 - 9

Outside of Florida things are pretty bad as well. California and Michigan have kind of imploded and are now run almost directly by the federal government through puppet governorships. Los Angeles is a mess but there are some true diehards that swear not even the evacuation of the Rodeo Drive crowd could make them leave. A lot of those expensive homes in Bel Air and Holmby Hills have been ransacked. Hollywood’s porcelain crowns have gotten cracked and stained and most of the big studios have been forced to pick up stakes and move. Movies … the few new ones that can get financing … are being shot on location which means any place else besides California these days. But reality is that most recent movies are CGI … no live actors needed … and are created on the computer and not in front of a camera. The economy of California is so bad the immigrants that were granted immunity and US Citizenship are trying to give it up to return to the countries they originally fled … but their former countries don’t seem to want them back. And Mexico is pitching a fit because so many immigrants from the US are passing across their borders heading south, causing a strain on local resources … many of them repatriated Hispanics who got caught up in the amnesty craze used to increase certain voting populations.

New York City is another place that has reverted to a form of lawlessness; all the work done by Rudy Giuliani’s office in the late 80s and into the 90s has come unraveled with both organized (and disorganized) crime making huge gains back into the old neighborhoods. It has been happening for a while but with the troubles of the last couple of years, small steps have become huge leaps. For example, Time Square is again a place where no one sane – except the occasional naïve tourist – goes after the sun sinks. Even during the day the street performers and homeless that call Time Square home can become extremely aggressive to the point of being dangerous. Taxes have become so burdensome that most people that work there refuse to live there and actually commute from other states or co-workers will share the rent of a minimalist, closet-sized apartment for those nights that it is impossible for them to commute back home in time to get up the next day and do it all over again. It may sound like lunacy but if you have a job these days you do whatever it takes to keep it.

And doing “whatever it takes” can be pretty extreme. There are cases of murder and murder-for-hire in relation to job openings and closings. Just last week on the radio there was a story of a man who had killed his boss when he heard from the grapevine that he was going to get the ax so that they could bring in someone cheaper to do the same job. Workplace violence is up a hundred-fold and more. Security now costs most businesses so much they can’t afford to hire workers that actually generate income for the company.

A lot of pension funds are simply disintegrating and Congress, now more evenly balanced as far as party affiliation goes, is not listening to Presidential directives to fund the empty accounts. In fact, even though the President vetoed the Bill on its first pass, Congress took the unprecedented step of making strikes for any other reason than health and safety an illegal act. If it can be shown that the striking Union members’ wages are more than 3% above the same job held by a non-union member and the strike was union encouraged, the union will lose its federal pension insurance and employers are free to break any unionized contracts signed by striking members. That caused a lot of consternation on both the pro and anti-union sides of the debate. It has also caused a lot of public sign waving and noise … but with the promise of Congress to rush the Bill through a second time and override the Presidential Veto, the number of actual strikes as decreased. In addition, when the Supreme Court ruled against forced union dues payments, the unions became little more than puppets of the Socialist Party with very little control over their own people. Too many people still remember that President Reagan fired all of the striking Air Traffic Controllers in 1981 after decertifying PATCO and are wondering if Congress will do the same thing.

The trucking industry is in complete disarray. The cost of fuel and slim profit margins imposed by the Federal government has pushed most independent truckers off the road and caused most professional trucking companies to drastically downsize. There are still a few major players in the industry but they are primarily in-house like Walmart and Dollar General. Target’s shipping capacity collapsed when their company had to restructure after they competed and lost with Walmart and some larger regional grocery chains.

Online purchasing has remained steady though the spikes in spending at the holidays has pretty much disappeared. Amazon and Barnes and Noble both remain healthy companies relative to their competitors but their stocks have taken a hit like all the others. You would think this would have saved the USPS but it didn’t. Too much overhead and too many retiring employees eating at the pension plan gutted them financially. People now get mail two or three times a week on days dictated by zip code. It has been a huge adjustment for people use to one of the fastest mail delivery systems in the world. UPS and FedEx have picked up a lot of the slack with package shipping. Online banking has tried to take over the Bill-Pay issues though many companies charge a fee for accepting online payments. And frankly, many people simply don’t have funds in their bank accounts to pay their bills with any regularity.

A new industry of Bill-Pay kiosks has sprung up for those people that don’t have bank accounts. You walk in with cash or a cashier’s check and a clerk will help you route your bill payments appropriately and then print you out a proof of transfer tag to attach to your statement for your records with a routing number, etc. You are either charged by the transfer or you can purchase a yearly membership at various levels based on how many transactions per month you expect to have.

Internationally things are not much better, and in some cases much worse. Passport and currency issues abound all over Europe as a result. Some countries are little more than one huge street brawl day after day and refugees are seeking anyway to get away. Starvation is rampant in Eastern Europe after yet another year of “some kind of disease” wiping out the Ukrainian wheat crop. Some places in Africa have devolved so far into violence and genocide that no communication can come into or out of the region. Disease and starvation are adding to the destruction of an entire generation in places like Somalia, Afghanistan, Iraq, Central African Republic, Pakistan, Yemen, Congo DR, Palestine, Haiti, and the Sudan. They aren’t the only dangerous countries but they are the worst this week. Iran isn’t too far behind due to the opposition party continuing to fight against the totalitarian theocracy of the Grand Ayatollah currently controlling the puppet President in that country. Add in Italy’s problems, Spain and Portugal, and many other EU members and you have a horrible picture to contemplate. Even Germany is struggling to control what is happening within and on its border as the problems with their now endemic refugee population increases daily.

Another war is breaking out in the Middle East, not that the old one ever really stopped. It has been starting by inches for years but a recent series of bomb blasts in Israel itself makes war a near certainty. It is very hard to get any information on what is going on in that part of the world because all countries involved have requested that all foreign journalist leave – aka they’ve been thrown out – further complicated by our own government’s censoring.

Do I go on about the bread riots in France? Or the attacks on the Vatican by some coalition between a militant atheist group and a group of disenfranchised Catholics who believe the current Pope – whether wittingly or unwittingly – abetted corruption within the ranks of the clergy? China’s attack on Taiwan? Or it’s attempted financial takeover of a great many of Australia’s natural resources? Russia’s arming of Venezuela and the subsequent Venezuelan – Columbian Conflict that destabilized much of Central and South America? International tussles over the Space Station? The India – Pakistan Religious War? The Gold Mine Battles in places like Papua New Guinea and Indonesia? Or any of the many other crazy things going on in the world?

It has gotten where I almost hate to listen to the news any longer. I’m either suspicious of the censoring and can’t believe what I’m hearing or I get depressed knowing that with the censoring the things going on in the world are probably much worse than they are letting on. And everything revolves around money in some way … the assassination of some execs from Goldman-Sachs after they were indicted on fraud; they were accused of directly manipulating precious metal markets using corporate assets for personal gain … several large churches around the country are losing their tax-free status and have federal investigators (via the IRS) scrutinizing not only their financials but their children’s activities and other community activities … law suits against several environmental groups for terrorist activities against Monsanto who all but has a monopoly in the agricultural biotechnology industry … the unintended and drastic drop in OPEC’s output and the resulting international economic impact as the price of crude oil goes ever higher … the defaulting of international loans left and right by countries that were doing it in retribution to countries trying to take their national resources (like the Australian-China conflict that is occurring) … and on and on and on.

But to top it off the president just signed an Executive Order mandating participation in local Volunteer Corp activities if you wish to receive your ration card. Mandatory volunteering … an oxymoron for the morons of this country. Mateo and I both received draft letters – well, that’s what they amount to anyway – and we are assigned to different locations on the same day. How do we take care of Nydia? Mateo has outright forbidden me … yes, he actually used the word forbidden … to go. I really don’t have a problem with volunteering, I did it through the church all of the time, but being told I have to defeats the whole purpose of volunteering. And, you would think they would want to utilize people’s talents to maximize their impact. But no. I could be volunteering in a tutoring program for students at risk of dropping out. Forget that, they want me … a woman who has been classified as having a high-risk pregnancy … to help collect and dump old household chemicals. I tried to change dates or jobs or something but they said no, no exceptions to the assignments under any circumstances. They have Mateo picking up trash in a really bad area of town … a man of his talents, who could help the elderly organize their estates or straighten out some taxable income situation, and instead they have assigned him to pick up cigarette butts, empty needles, and used condoms. Someone somewhere is out of their mind; possibly several someones.

We’ve got three weeks to figure things out but that “no exceptions” stipulation doesn’t appear to be up for debate. There is a huge uproar in Congress over the President’s end run around the Legislative Branch of the government … I forget how many times this has been done to date. The President’s response, on national TV no less, was that it was Congress’ fault; if they had acted as he told them to act in a timely fashion he would not have been forced to use an Executive Order to get things done. The man has some nerve. It is rumored – but you’ll only hear the rumor on some internet forums and from one or two independent networks – that even some of his closest allies are beginning to have serious doubts about his methods. That’s a little too little, a lot too late. This whole country is in such a pickle I have no idea how we are going to dig ourselves out.

I know that Mateo and Greg … and several other people I’ve never met and only know they exist because of their shadows passing through our yard at night … have spoken of the possible futures in store for us. Mateo speaks with me a little but only when he can no longer bear the burden in silence. I can grasp most of what he talks about; the financial future, the political future, the social ramifications. But what scares me, and though I try and hide it I know Mateo senses it and it is one of the reasons he keeps most of it to himself, is that there isn’t anything in the future to stop this except a major war, a world war.

We already see the potential in international events that make it through the censors and history tells me loud and clear that economic woes precipitate most wars and violent conflicts. If you want to get right down to it one of the greatest reasons for divorce stem from money conflicts within a marriage. Why should it be any different with relationships between countries?

I can’t stop whatever is coming but I can do what we’ve been doing … pray, plan, prepare. Before the next planting season we will add at least four more raised beds. I’ll do what I can to prepare for the baby. Mateo has gotten handy enough that he wants to add metal shutters on the inside of our windows to match the steel storm shutters on the outside of the windows. The other night he handed me material to make black out curtains with. The space where my little Chevy used to sit in the garage now holds strong shelving for all of our prep items that aren’t food related … those go up into the finished hidden storage. Mateo wants to turn the remaining space in the bonus room into a room reminiscent of the one in Anne Frank’s Diary and he wants to furnish it … for us if need be. He’s also making other plans but so far I’m not privy to them.

All I can do is all I can do. But most days it just doesn’t seem enough. The only time I feel at peace is at night when we close the bedroom door, check to make sure Nydia is sleeping peacefully, and we lay together in each other’s arms and let the world fade away before drifting to sleep. The only problem is sometimes I wake up … and he’s not there.

 

[Kathy in FL]

Part Four: Next Step Over The Line (1)

I’m terrified. And I’m furious. Furiously terrified and terrifyingly furious. For every step forward we try and make, there are always those that throw a monkey wrench into the works. They’ve also been throwing the monkeys and lately it feels like they’ve been throwing the whole flaming zoo at me too.

Look how I’m living; like a ghost in the attic, like a mouse in the walls that only comes out when absolutely forced to by necessity, and even worse like a vampire afraid of the light. Of course, the fact that I am alive and have a where to complain about is a heck of a lot more than a lot of people have so that’s got to be something. And it’s not that I don’t appreciate it because I do. I’m not just a Drama Queen because I feel like it. I know what blessings I have, especially under the circumstances. I remind myself several times a day. But …

Isn’t there always a “but”? Don’t we always imagine we have something worth complaining about, something greater to complain about than the next person? Wishing the grass was greener on our side of the fence for a change? Wishing that things were back the way they used to be even as messed up as they could be? This time it’s really true; true on a level it never was before even when I thought I had something worthy of complaining about. The injustices of the past are nothing compared to the terrors of the present.

How much harder this is to do alone. How hard it was to watch them take him away. It’s certainly not his fault. So many men … and women too … have been drafted in this war. They came so early in the day that no one was really prepared, ran through the whole neighborhood. Only three that were taken were allowed to return home, but it hasn’t done them any good. Lack of draft eligibility has seen their ration points drop significantly.

Life is so fractured but that doesn’t mean I need to record it that way. I need to go further back, what happened today won’t make any sense otherwise.

The last three months have been challenging. What little innocence or idealism I could still lay claim to has been obliterated by events like coarse sandpaper against a black lacquered surface. And current circumstances continue to sand blast what hope I have left. Optimism fades on some days but when I remember his words it never goes out completely, at least it hasn’t yet. Only my faith sustains me.

I know that should be enough but I’m weak and there are nights I wake up calling his name, mornings I open my eyes to feel the salty residue of tears on my cheeks shed in my sleep. I wonder where he is. I wonder if he is … is eating, is sleeping, is safe, … is still alive. I’m scared of what is going to happen to Nydia, to our baby, to me. If I could just get to the point that survival was a day to day compartmentalized thought that took up all of my mental energy I think things would be better but the future looms too close and too large for me to be able to ignore it. It sits there like vultures around a carcass, waiting for the big predators to leave.

Things deteriorated so quickly, so suddenly; all over the world. The Administration had appeared to gut our ability to defend ourselves, much like they had gutted our standing in the world, in the interest of globalization and the so-called redemption of US arrogance, their idea of “equal” and “fair.” Idiots. Incompetents. Traitors to their own people and Constitution. Making promises they could never fulfill while gutting our future and the future of our children and our children’s children and beyond. Making promises they never meant to keep just to give people a few more feet of rope to hang their hopes with. Thank God that there are still real people in charge that can use their brains rather than just a computer and that there are still real, thinking people under their command that are brave and honest and true and loyal.

Oh, if I’m honest, I can admit it’s not just this Administration’s fault; all the bad stuff that has been happening has been years, decades, generations in the making. But the inexperience with anything beyond narcissistic imaginings practiced with a thug mentality made so many problems so much worse.

Broken promises. Lack of transparency. Outright lies. Obsequiousness to the wrong people. Arrogance at the wrong times. Anger at the wrong issues. Belief in the wrong philosophies. Pile upon pile upon pile of wrongness.

Destabilization of the US Economy – an intentional action or not depending on who you talk to and how tight their aluminum chapeau – set in motion events on the world scene with far reaching consequences. Everywhere began to destabilize like a key stone had been removed from a vaulted ceiling.

The EU, always more loosely connected than they let on, changed from a peaceful confederation to a balkanized madhouse. Countries would threaten to pull out, act like they were pulling out, and then demand that they have some say in the EU’s direction and how the IMF was distributing “bail out” funds and loans. Sometimes the EU only seemed to be made up of its weakest links and sometimes it more closely resembled ancient feudalized Europe with the stronger countries having direct control over the weaker ones. And yet, in the end, everyone continues to fight with one another like a bunch of unruly three-year-olds that have missed their naptimes.

After a much-celebrated demilitarization of the region, the two Koreas have gone at it again; nukes have been used but not very efficiently. Lord, what a way to put it; “not very efficiently.” I don’t suppose that is any consolation for the tens of thousands that died instantly nor the ones that continue to die of radiation related sicknesses and infrastructure failure. The whole episode was so globally disturbing that it temporarily put the brakes on the madness the world has been experiencing. Temporarily. Unfortunately, there are a few too many madmen roaming free to put the brakes on for long.

Factions in Pakistan and India are in a stare down contest and neither appear ready to blink. Now that the first nukes have been tossed the temptation is to use them again. “See, only a couple of ten thousand people died. We have millions more to replace them.” It makes me want to puke in fear if I think about it too hard. What kind of future is there for Nydia and my unborn baby if this keeps up?

Some Middle Eastern countries tried to take advantage of the world’s instability to strike at Israel and while there was horrific loss of life, the perpetrators were hurt even worse, learning that size matters less than what you do with what you have. There are plenty enough espionage artists that, while it couldn’t have been an easy thing, the nuclear and biological weapon labs and locations in some countries were sabotaged and the results were far worse than what is being publicly released, or so say the late night radio broadcasts from frequencies claimed by such stations as Radio Free America (never broadcasts from the same location twice), Yankee Tide (supposedly broadcasting from international waters),Saoirse An Phreasa (an Irish station), Libertad (broadcasts mostly in Spanish), Droits des Citoyens (operated by an Expat in both French and English), Einblick (German/English broadcast from the EU), Pensatore (another European station that sometimes broadcasts in English).

The fiasco in the Middle East has got everyone going nuts and fuel is even more tightly restricted and higher priced than it has ever been. It is actually now a crime to drive a passenger vehicle unless you are part of a licensed carpool; if not, it’s public transportation for you … or you have to walk or ride a bicycle. The national news outlets have reported that unlicensed cars are being impounded and if the owners can’t pay the fines they are being confiscated for parts, etc. Or, you can voluntarily turn an unlicensed car in for extra ration points. That sparked a lot of car jackings and garage break ins and now you have to show two proofs of identification and vehicle ownership; day late and a dollar short if you ask me and some segments of society are saying that is discrimination because it makes them look like criminals. In the words of some of my former students, “Well, duh.”

 

[Kathy in FL]

Part 4 - 2

Speaking of education, school districts have been redrawn and if you live less than five miles from the school you lose your bus seat. No more school choice, you go to the school assigned period regardless of what area of town it is in. From what little I hear of the new curriculum I wouldn’t have my kid in school regardless of how easy it was for me to get them there. It is nothing more and nothing less than indoctrination and reminds me rather frighteningly of Hitler’s Nazi Youth movement.

Heard on the local news last night that truant students are being drafted into public works programs and many are being sent off to “work camps” regardless of sex or age. Teen parents that are accused of being chronically truant are being forced to leave their children behind, either with a “state approved” family member or they lose custody to the federal foster care system that has been created. I dreamed the other night that they came to take Nydia away from me and when I woke up I thought I heard someone in the house. It was hours before I got back to sleep even with the solar-powered fan finally relieving the hidden bonus room of some of its stuffiness.

Russia forced the small section of autonomous Ukraine to merge with them no matter what anyone wanted. This has given the Russian Bear back a major industrial and agricultural component in their planned economy … or at least it should if this year’s harvest is even just a little better than the nothing they had last year. But from reports that you can get if you listen to the right radio broadcast at the right time of night, reintegration with Mother Russia has been as difficult as the separation had been back when the Communist Bloc disintegrated.

I’m not the only one that has trouble sleeping at night these days. Sleep is elusive for many in Asia. If it isn’t Russia breathing down their necks it is China. China is the bigger fear at the moment. As predicted, though the timing was off, China’s economy imploded. They had been able to feed on themselves for only so long and after that … kablooey. Their economic back up plan was apparently not quite as fail safe as it had been designed to be. They might have cornered the world’s market in a lot of natural industrial resources but having all the resources in the world for industry doesn’t do you any good if there isn’t anyone out there that can afford to buy them no matter how low you drop the prices.

Prices were actually what Mateo and I were talking about when we had our first visit form the local Federal Volunteer Board organizer. I won’t even start on the misuse of the word “volunteer” which generally means participating in something willingly. What the FVB is in reality is the administrative arm of the new-and-improved civilian draft process that had been hidden in one of the most recent Bills to make its way through Congress. Turns out when too many people started squeaking about it being a draft rather than a call for volunteers the President simply signed it into law using his executive powers stating that it was necessary for the possible preparation for a potential war that may have in the potentially none too distant future. He really used all of those qualifiers. These days whoever is writing his speeches tries to leave so many loopholes for him to climb through that you can’t understand most of what is being said. He reminds me of another president that caused a lot of economic problems when I was little ... gaff prone and suffering health issues hidden from the public.

I was watching when one of his teleprompters literally melted down on his last televised speech. He tried to keep going but he started tripping over his lines and then started adlibbing and then one of his advisors stepped on stage and whispered in his ear and the President left the stage in a hurry surrounded by body guards. Later the incident was made to look like there had been a threat of some kind. One story that made the rounds was that the President continued to try and talk to “his people” even though he was in the middle of a failed assassination attempt but that finally, no one could stand to see him in such danger so they begged him to leave the stage and go to safety. Conspiracy theorists call it “The Teleprompter Incident” and the talk about it gets pretty wild.

But that day, one of my last peaceful mornings, Mateo was helping me to trim some tree branches heavy with leaves that were hanging down to the top of the fence. The morning was already muggy and we were covered in sweat but we were together and in harmony and that was enough. I had Nydia corralled in the shade on the porch playing tea party; it was one way I could ensure that she would drink plenty of water in this heat as she filled cups for her animals and helped to drink them too.

I had gone to the grocery the day before and was telling Mateo how some items never seemed to move off of the shelves at any price but that other items just seemed to continue to go up when they were available. Frozen foods were disappearing which didn’t break my heart any but it was a definite change from the way things used to be.

“You should see it. You go in and it is like being back in the olden time markets. You take your ration book and your list up to a counter … I was in line an hour to get approval from the grocery store police before I was even allowed to get in the line to see a grocery clerk … then the clerk tells you whether they have what is on your list or not and how many ration points you need plus the cost of the items they do have that are on your list. You have to be quick because if you don’t have alternative choices in mind right there they move you on through the queue and you are out of luck. People that can’t do math in their head or aren’t flexible on their choices have an awful time of it.”

“And we put up with this why? We have plenty in the garden and … the other as well.”

“We put up with this because we need to look like we are the same as everyone else. And so long as we can keep adding to our food supplies without having to break in to … the other … the better off we will be in the long run.”

“Still Corazon, I hate to see how tired you are after a day of shopping. Your color was not good yesterday.”

“That was just …”

I never did get around to telling him how close several of us had come to getting hit while standing in line when an old woman lost control of her car and jumped the curb. It wasn’t really the near accident that bothered me so much as what happened afterwards when a white van pulled up and these men got out and took the old woman into custody. Where they took her I’m not for sure but my guesses aren’t pleasant.

The reason I had stopped in mid-sentence is because of the sound of a large truck coming down the road. In and of itself it was nothing to be shocked by but given the fact that vehicles are few and far between – this was true even before they had made it illegal to drive unless you were part of a carpool – huge trucks painted an annoying baby blue really got your attention.

I will not print the rude Spanish expletive that Mateo muttered under his breath, but I was very close to saying the English equivalent of it. They’d been playing commercials for the Federal Volunteer Board for weeks now, making them out to be a cross between super patriotic tough guys and warm, fuzzy kittens at the same time who weren’t a threat to the public. The whole thing left a very bad taste in my mouth because it reminded me unfortunately of some of the “commercials” played on the radio and early movie reels of the Third Reich favored by certain political parties in Europe just prior to the onset of WW2.

They really pushed the “multi-cultural coalition” angle too, playing the commercial in several different languages. Some of those commercials were so over the top that they were almost cartoonish, like they weren’t really targeting adults at all but children and adolescents. There were even a couple done in the latest anime style that looked cool until you read between the cartoon figures and understood what they were trying to message in.

Mateo agreed with me and we had both been dreading the day we would see the FVB in our own neighborhood. You can ignore a commercial, it’s much more difficult to ignore someone at your gate that won’t go away until they’ve glad handed you and made you aware of the importance of everyone doing their part. A couple of days later they were back, this time with a group of “volunteers” who were taking what amounted to a census and who expected to be allowed to come in and survey our home and property.

Mateo hacked the head honcho off quite a bit that day by refusing him admittance to our property. “Sorry, given how expensive healthcare is these days, it is my patriotic duty to keep possibly unsanitary and infectious people away from my pregnant wife and our child. There is a legal survey on file with the County’s Property Appraiser’s office and I’m sure that now that the federal government has taken over Google Earth Map that you can get an even more up-to-date aerial view that way.”

Gerald ran out, acting like the school tattle tale and said, “You can come look through my backyard. They have a barn and a garden and a pool. I see them grilling out all the time.”

Mateo was furious but was careful not to let it show. He laughed and said, “Honestly Gerald, you’d think all that stuff you bring home from the County would be enough for you. So what if we turn off the electricity when we don’t need it? The whole state is under a mandatory conservation order for electricity. At least we have the sense to follow the rules, I’ve never seen you go without your air conditioner yet and bragging about those steaks your boss gave you for ratting out his political opponent’s son doesn’t exactly make it appear like you are suffering in the same way as the rest of us. Since you’ve already given them permission, and you claim you don’t have to pay for healthcare since your son is a doctor over in St. Pete, how about they start by surveying your house so that the rest of us can see what they are doing.”

I thought Gerald was going to have apoplexy when the FVB group leader jumped on the idea like a dog on a T-Bone. They never did get back around to surveying our house, guess they got a good enough look over Gerald’s fence. Or it could have been the huge blackberry hedges, wet swamp, mosquitoes as big as airplanes and masses of wild roses that dissuaded them from making more of an effort.

A couple of days after that another gang of FVB came through and these guys were a different kettle of fish from the first two groups. I suspect the first two gangs were sent in to soften everyone up with the warm and fuzzies and to make them feel safer and more accepting. In all honesty all they did to Mateo and I was to make us feel even more wary. The third group of FVB were supposed to be civilians but they were dressed in dark green coveralls. Some of them even had side arms; they reminded me of some type of trained enforcement team. Most of them looked like they were former defensive linemen; those that weren’t big looked even more like the kind of men you didn’t fool with or push far, if at all.

They didn’t say much. They went in three-men teams to each door, or in our case gate. They didn’t hassle us about not letting them in. They simply took bolt cutters and cut the chain off, and then strong-armed Mateo out onto the black top. When he would have fought one of the head FVB said sotto voice, “Man, don’t make a scene. There is always someone that makes a scene and gets the @#$% kicked out of him and then gets taken away anyway. According to your papers you got a wife, a kid, and another on the way. They going to need you back in one piece and you don’t want you-know-who to come in and confiscate your place with you gone. You know what I mean man?”

A couple of the other men around him gave him a hard look but the whisperer just gave them blank face back. He’d given Mateo enough to think about that it forestalled his temper. I’m grateful. I pray for that man for risking who knows what for giving Mateo the warning. From a house down the road came screaming as several young men were thrown to the ground. A couple of women tried to run to them and were roughly pushed back. I could hear a sneering voice, “You boys gonna let your Momma and Grandmama tell you what to do? You a bunch of babies?” Rough laughter followed. From the other end of the street a man with a bloody face was being drug to the bus that had pulled up.

“Mark that house.”

I could see Mateo getting wound up again and again the man stepped in front of him and said something. I don’t know what it was but Mateo got a look in his eyes and I saw a look of resignation on his face. He asked if he could talk to me and calm me down. “Make it quick man. They don’t like us to let the emotional stuff go on too long as it creates problems.”

“Corazon, I’ll come back when I can but I don’t know when that will be. Stay safe and keep the little ones safe. Kiss Nydia for me and don’t let her forget me. Take care of yourself and I will try and let you know where I am when I can. Look at me my love. I trust you and … don’t lose faith, no matter what. Whether soon or … not … we will be together again someday.”

Those were the last words that I heard from him. I was near hysteria, grateful beyond measure that Nydia had fallen asleep for a nap at an unusually early hour and wasn’t a witness to what was going on. I worried that the noise coming from Gerald’s house would wake her.

“No! Do you know who I am?! You can’t do this!! Do you know who my boss is?!!”

“Yeah, some little @#$% of a nobody down in the county building. He started making a lot of noise like he thought he was somebody until his sons and daughter got brought up. He signed your release papers pretty quick after that. Of course, his kids still have to serve anyway but he don’t know that yet. Everybody serves. Ain’t you been telling everyone else that?” That was followed by a sarcastic laugh as they shoved Gerald onto the bus. The FVB man then looked right at Gerald then tossed a thumb back at his house and said, “Mark that house.”

Gerald’s wife started screaming and crying, tears, snot, and heavy mascara running down her nearly purple face. “You said this wouldn’t happen to us! You promised you son of a @#$%&! You said all we had to do was play by their rules! You liar!! You fool!! How could you do this to me?! What am I supposed to do now?!!” Gerald just sat on the bus shocked and totally defeated.

 

[Kathy in FL]

Part 4 -3

I spent the rest of the day in shock myself. I was five months pregnant with a toddler to take care of. The first thing I did after the bus drove out of sight was run to the gate and take the shorter length of chain left from the cutting and relocked our driveway. I knew in my head that it gave me a false sense of security but at the moment I took anything that I could get.

Then I ran inside and shut that door and locked the bolts and threw the two bars that Mateo and I had installed when home invasions had been reported to have tripled over the previous year’s statistics. I don’t know how long I stood there but it must have been a while because I came back to myself when I noticed Nydia pulling my leg saying, “Nonny, Nonny. I hungry. Can I has carrots for lunch? Can I has carrots and pudding for lunch? Nonny can I has carrots and pudding and crackers and …”

I bent down and hugged her to me. “Yes, you can have carrots for lunch. Would you like a bocadillo de queso to go with your carrots?”

“Umm, umm … cheeeeese. I likes cheese.”

I was still running on autopilot but at least I had a focus. I spent the afternoon trying to explain to Nydia that Poppy had gone on a business trip and that he would be back as soon as he could but that I didn’t know when that would be. At dinner time she threw a horrible temper tantrum, almost to the point of making herself sick. I suspect that she knew I was lying to her, but she was too young to verbalize it like that. While I cleaned up the food she had thrown, remonstrating her more roughly than I probably should have, tears rolled down my face because I felt at a complete loss at what I was supposed to do next. Then Nydia started crying, and then she started howling. Small comfort but she didn’t kick me when I finally corralled her and cuddled her, both of us broken hearted, both of us crying for Mateo.

She fell asleep, exhausted, in my arms. I was on my way to put her down in the bedroom when real fear gripped me. I was alone, truly alone, for the first time in my life. I’d gone from my parents’ home to Mateo’s home. I’d never really had to do it all by myself. I’d always had someone that I could count on, to share my pain with, that made me feel safe no matter the circumstances.

I lost it for a few moments. I lost my self-confidence, lost my faith, and nearly lost my mind. Then a still quiet voice seemed to whisper unintelligible words in my mind; words of comfort, words of assurance. It was like a gentle breeze or a sweet odor made me turn to look at the stairs. I hefted a sleeping Nydia onto my shoulder and I slowly walked up the stairs and faced the bookcase that hid the entrance to the bonus room.

After laying Nydia down on the guest bed I spent the next several hours in drone mode. First thing I did was pull back the blackout curtains that were across the dormer window. From the outside it looked like a false window but the reality was that it was the only exterior light source for the room. Then I started a list as I cleaned. When the sun began to fall I closed the blackout curtains and turned on the solar lamp and kept working. I don’t know how I managed it but I drug most of Nydia’s belongings up the stairs and put them into the bonus room after marking off a corner as her “new room.” I also took the mattress off of the guest bed and made my own “new room.” I made sure I had a week’s worth of clothing and underthings upstairs. By that time I was exhausted. I was ready to just crawl in bed when there was a rattle of something landing on the roof and then falling off.

I nearly stopped breathing but when it happened for a second and third time I thought that maybe it was Mateo. I ran downstairs and looked out the window and saw … nothing. Then it happened again and it was coming from the back of the house. I ran back there, grabbing a butcher knife from the kitchen this time and looked out back and nearly screamed bloody murder.

Greg’s face was right at the peephole. I cracked the door open and hissed, “You nearly scared me out of a year’s growth! What are you doing?!”

“Saw what happened. I’d heard that they were heading this way but couldn’t get here in time to get Matt bugged out. Might be better this way in the long run. Followed them to the processing facility. They’ve taken over the dorms at USF. Got contacts. One of ‘em is looking after Mateo, getting him up to speed. Ain’t nothing we can do to stop this now. I can’t stay but, we’ll have people looking after you when we can. Matt would want that. Brought that stuff he asked for. You need something, you leave a note under that rock out behind the barn. Somebody’ll find it and we’ll do what we can. I’ll try and arrange for a woman to come and help out. Don’t know when yet but hope to find someone before your ration book runs out.”

“What does …”

“Look, this is how it’ll work. You turn over your ration points to whoever I can find. She’ll look a lot like you, fit your general description; being big with a baby is going to be a challenge but we’ll work around it. She’ll spend your points for you and then keep a share of whatever she buys, but it’ll be a fair cut. It’ll be fair or I’ll know about it. So’s that parts all taken care of up front. The rest of it, the baby part … I ain’t sure what to do about yet. Let me talk to some people I know. Maybe we can get a midwife to come and take a look at you. Let me think on it some. Don’t open the door for no one but me after dark and I won’t send anyone during the day. And for God’s Sake woman, that pig sticker ain’t worth nothing. Get them guns out. You do know how to use them don’t you?”

“Yes, my Dad …”

“Well, that’s a relief. Just don’t have no accidents with ‘em or Matt will have my guts for garters. And if you have to use ‘em, don’t just play with it, shoot to kill and then drag the body to the swamp. We’ll take care of that too. Now get inside and lock up. I ain’t got all night to stand around talking.”

And with that he just faded into the night leaving a canvas tote bag at my feet. I was real close to throwing something straight at Greg’s head and I think he knew it because he moved a lot quicker than he usually did.

After locking up I trudged up the stairs, moved Nydia to our new living quarters, fell across the mattress and amazingly fell right to asleep. But not for long. Sometime after one in the morning, lasting all the way through the dawn, the gun fire started. I didn’t know what it was about but I knew I was stupid for not immediately having followed Greg’s call for me to use commonsense. I snuck downstairs and got all of the guns and ammo and brought them up to the bonus room; they were heavy and more than a few trips to move. I temporarily hid all but one of the guns under the mattress, making sure they weren’t loaded. The ammo boxes I stored in the only vacant section left in the wall.

I knew that I’d have to secure them better against Nydia’s insatiable curiosity but it was the best I could do at the moment. Most of the noise was coming from the eastern end of the street where the two small subdivisions were located. One of the subdivisions was very middle class, full of homes built in the sixties and seventies. The other subdivision was a very affluent one; full of homes larger than Mateo’s built in the nineties on zero lot lines and conservation lots.

The gun fire had not abated any by three AM and I could see from an upstairs window that there were at least three fires as evidenced by three separate large glows off in that direction. The smell of smoke was also strong and crept into the house despite being shut up tight. What I didn’t hear was sirens. No one was coming to the rescue. No law enforcement ever showed up either.

Nydia awoke at six AM as was her habit and I had no choice but to wake up mentally myself. I went into the garage to get the camp stove and some instant oatmeal and noticed an odd circle on the floor. Looking more closely I realized it was a circle of light, but the power was off like it frequently was. I looked up thinking that Mateo had hung an LED tap light or something but there was nothing. Then I saw the dust motes in the beam of light that was causing the light and with my eye followed it to a small, round hole in the garage door.

I stopped breathing for a moment. Looking at the hole in the garage door and then following that across I saw one of my #10 cans had, quite literally, bit the bullet. It was a can of powdered eggs and lucky for me I had intended to open a new one today to make a hearty quiche that Nydia and I could have for both lunch and dinner. I couldn’t tend to my nerves at the moment because I had a toddler calling for her breakfast.

I set Nydia’s play yard up in her “old room” since the windows had already been really secure even before Mateo and I got married with film on the windows so that they wouldn’t shatter and then as time went on and got bad we’d added metal screens on the inside and outside of the window in addition to the storm shutters on the outside of the house. I put the pistol that I had been carrying around in the pocket of the smock I was wearing, attached the baby monitor to my waistband after replacing the battery with a newly charged one, and cautiously exited the house through the backyard.

I heard them immediately. And could see them when I inched over to the corner of the house. A large moving van with the FVB insignia was backed up to Gerald’s house.

“At least let my mother get some clothes and photos and important papers.”

“Look. I don’t care who you are, who you think you are, who she is … nothing. I’ve got a work order here. The contents of this house is to be confiscated in lieu of a cash fine against the owner for his crimes against the federal government. It doesn’t say the contents except for clothes and photos and important papers. It says the contents, the whole contents.”

“But that’s absurd.”

“What is absurd is that the owner of this house committed whatever crime that he did. He disrupted the order of things. The fine stands as is. Now move or suffer the same consequences.”

“I’ll be talking to my lawyer about this!”

“Sir, please take my advice. Do your job. Don’t make trouble. Keep your head down. And stay out of the way. If you choose not to take my advice you may find yourself facing imprisonment as an enemy combatant in the federal prison system until your case can be heard.”

“This … this is … this is outrageous. Do we live in America or not?!”

“In case you have failed to notice sir, the rules have changed. We are at war.”

“At war?! With who?! I haven’t heard Congress make a declaration of war!”

“The President doesn’t need Congress to declare war against obvious threats to our social and financial structure. It is simply the reality we now live in. You can blame those idiots in Congress for not controlling the dissidents with all of their anti-government rhetoric while they had the chance. Instead they acted like a lot of wimps and allowed people to play up their First and Second Amendment rights without understanding that the Constitution is a fluid document that changes with the times. It is about time that our President put his foot down and stopped all of that nonsense.”

I don’t know what horrified me more, what was happening to Gerald’s family or that the man actually believed that tripe he was spouting. They were both equally nauseating.

I stayed in the bushes and then slowly backed up to the house, hoping I didn’t trip and bump into something; actually it wasn’t a something it was a someone. Old habits still help and despite being pregnant I popped the man on the nose with my fist and then turned around swinging only to find Greg on the ground holding a bloody nose and rolling away from me. I was worries until I saw the lunatic was trying not to laugh.

I whispered through clinched teeth, “Are … you … crazy?!”

He crawled over to the lanai and slipped inside. “Better oil them hinges. I heard you come out.”

“I repeat, have you lost your mind?! I could have hurt you … and you nearly … oh … you …”

“Aw, don’t cry. I didn’t mean to make you cry. Come on, Matt warned me that you might look like a little sweet thing but that you can come out swinging under the right conditions. He’ll either kill me or think it’s funny that you caught me off guard. No hard feelings? Right?”

I wiped my eyes and sniffed, “I hope it hurts.”

“Yes ma’am,” he responded while wiping his nose.

“Look … I’ve got some oatmeal …”

“Naw, can’t stand the stuff. You got any grits? Had to stash my pack last night and haven’t gotten back to it yet.”

He wouldn’t come in the house but sat in a corner of the lanai, hidden behind a couple of potted palms and a Chinese screen. I brought back a large bowl of buttered grits that I’d mixed some canned sausage into. I thought at first that he’d been asleep but as soon as my eyes fell on him he was wide awake.

He gave a guarded grin. “Cat napping, only way I sleep these days.” Then as I handed him the bowl he said, “Aw, I didn’t mean for you to go to this much trouble.”

“Don’t worry about it. I was going to open the sausage anyway for our lunch and dinner. What happened last night? I woke up at one and …”

“They’re getting faster.”

Confused I asked, “Who’s getting faster.”

“Scavengers. They follow the FVB around and after they’ve removed most of the men and single women out of a neighborhood, they come through like locusts and take what they want. Ain’t enough cops to take care of them and the National Guard and Military are all busy trying to hold things together on the international front and areas surrounding military facilities like MacDill on the other side of town. Last night someone underestimated someone’s granny and several of them scavengers wound up with holes through their middles. Gotta love that kind of action so a few of my people took some revenge on them scavengers for some past battles that didn’t go our way. FVB came around right after first light and we faded and the Scavs got caught by the men in riot gear. Fire has spread but they’ve brought in the big equipment and they’ve knocked down the fires and they should be out by tomorrow.”

“I have a bullet hole in the garage door.”

“Yeah, about that. Matt said the house is all block all the way up. The storm shutters are steel and will keep all but armor piercing rounds out and the Scavs ain’t got that kind of fire power. But that garage door. It ain’t what I’d call secure. Matt had meant to tackle it but he ran out of time … “

“I guess it would be too much to ask if you’d heard anything from him.”

“Actually …,” he said as he pulled a crumpled envelope from his pocket. “Don’t expect any more of these. My contact risked more than he should have to get this out. I like Matt but no way am I putting the whole operation at risk.”

My response was to snatch the letter from his hand and read:

“Corazon, I am safe. I know it is a waste of ink but I ask you not to worry. I am told that I will be shipped out of this area as they do not believe that locals will do as they are told against their friends and neighbors. It prevents entanglements, or so they say. I will do my best to keep in touch in any way I can. If need be, head to Bea’s as I am sure her brothers would all welcome you with open arms and protect you for your own sake and not just for hers. Do not stay at the house just for my sake or memory as this is not my desire. My greatest wish is for you and our children to be safe. As I trust you, trust me to do my best to come back to you as soon as I can. Be patient. Be safe. Be my love. Your Novio.”

I wasn’t sure what I would have said even if I could have spoken at that moment but Greg, in his own eccentric way, seemed to understand. I was finally able to clear my voice and ask him, “What is going on Greg? Don’t … look, I’m not the helpless little woman that Mateo sometimes … I’m …” I took another breath and was finally able to finish. “Greg, I know I don’t look like much and probably do not have near the experience that I should have. Dad and Mateo pretty well insulated me from the worst that could have happened in this life. But that was then, and this is now. I have Nydia and this baby to think about and I can’t make constructive and efficient plans if I don’t really know what is going on.”

 

[Kathy in FL]

Part 4 -4

Greg just looked at me for a moment and then, “I guess you’ve got the right of it, but Matt won’t want you getting up to things. And let’s be honest, your condition is a liability, and some folks are gonna think that makes you an easy mark. I can’t have people guarding this place all the time. You need to be able to look after yourself as much as possible. The thing is I have to know how far I can trust you. Women talk even when they don’t mean to and …”

“Greg, you do not want to go that direction with me.”

“Don’t matter what you want. It’s what I know to be true. Women talk and don’t always think first.” He stopped a moment looked at my face and then continued, “But for the sake of argument let’s say people in general talk and let things slip on accident when they shouldn’t.”

“And exactly who would I be letting things slip to? I’ve never been much for socializing here in the neighborhood. The fact that I used to be the nanny and am a few years younger than Mateo has made most of the women assume that I’m no better than I should be. More than a few of them have acted like I’m a gold digger or worse. I’m certainly not going to go around talking to strange men … except you I mean. The only place I have driven since the doctor cleared me was to the market and I did that as little as possible and I don’t think I’ll be able to do it at all now because it would mean taking Nydia with me and leaving the house unprotected. There is no one living on either side of us now. The people across the street act nuttier than a field full of peanuts and had to be dragged from their house for the FVB organizers to see that they are several bricks shy of a load and physically incapable of prolonged physical activity.”

“Yeah, them folks is some of the people I’m suggesting you avoid. They’ve got booby traps all over their property and one of my people said he’s seen them out at night creeping around the neighborhood breaking into abandoned houses. And they aren’t the only ones. If I don’t miss my guess things is about to get downright rough for folks. Y’all have had it easy in this neighborhood but that could be changing sooner than you think.” He shook his head and continued, “The world is going crazy, crazier than normal. Things could start popping and I ain’t too sure that being this close to MacDill is a good thing. Then again, could be because of the importance of what’s on the Base that things won’t get half so bad here as they might if war breaks out.”

“War?!”

“I thought you was a history teacher. You got your head buried in the sand or something?”

“No, of course not but why do you say war? It would seem that countries have enough of their own problems to spend their energies on and wouldn’t have the time to start a war. And the news hasn’t been that bad.”

“Says you,” he muttered and that’s when he filled me in on many of the international incidences that were being kept off of the airwaves.

“Mateo knew about all of this?” I asked, shocked in spite of myself.

“Sure. Sure he did. Why do you think he went as far as he did? Just because you got a little squirrel in you and like to play at being prepared for the winter?”

I don’t know why I always forget how blunt Greg can be. He’ll say something and just keep going, not giving you the chance to do anything but forgive him or forget it and right when you are getting comfortable he goes and does it again.

“Look here now. Maybe Matt was trying to protect you from things by not telling it to you completely straight but I ain’t him. I don’t have time to babysit you. I’ll do what I can ‘cause I owe Matt. He gave me a hand up when most folks just walked by and spit on me. He told me I seemed like a good investment. Well, turns out I even surprised myself at how good an investment I’ve turned out to be. I figure he’s due a good return on the chance he took. So, I’ll help you when I can but not at the expense of my people or our mission. Things is too important now, play time is over. Now the real work starts. And stay out of the swamp if you know what’s good for you. You think I’m rough as old raw hide you really don’t want to meet up with some of the others. We’ve got our own way and it probably ain’t your way so just leave us to it and stay out of the way.”

Greg had about had his fill of civilized conversation at that point and I could see he was getting antsy. I offered him a zip bag of instant grits to take with him and he didn’t turn me down. And I was more than ready for him to leave as I had a lot of thinking to do.

I checked on Nydia and found she was ready for a change of scenery. I kept waiting for her to bring Mateo up but she didn’t and when I tried she’d just turn her head away like she was ignoring what I had to say. I knew I’d need to address this, and soon, but I was at a loss as to how right then. After taking care of her, giving her a snack and switching out a few toys and giving in to her request to watch Beauty and the Beast I pulled out a clipboard and some notebook paper and started making a list of things that I needed to do.

I started back where I had started in the beginning; the basics. Shelter. That was already taken care of by moving our sleeping area up to the bonus room. I wandered through the house noting things here and there that would make us more comfortable or that I wanted to move out of sight for security purposes. A small writing table and chair so I could work upstairs was one of the first additions. I moved a five gallon bucket with a snap on toilet lid upstairs as well and took one of the down stairs bathroom’s shower curtain and strung it across a corner for some privacy. An antique pitcher and basin and a mirror completed our “bathroom facilities.” I also took the Chinese screen from the lanai up there and put it near a rolling rack and we had a changing area. I took some hooks and screwed them into the wall low enough that Nydia could hang her clothes on at night and her night clothes on in the morning. An old telephone table became my nightstand. My one real bit of silliness was when I dragged both of the stuffed Queen Anne chairs up from Mateo’s office. They took up space that we could have used for storage but I’ve since been very grateful for my momentary aberration. Since I’ve grown so big it’s been nice to have one comfortable place that I can sit in up there, especially since I spend so much time hidden away in this location.

After shelter I started on food and water while I fixed the quiche since the power was scheduled to be on in thirty minutes and we were supposed to get a whole afternoon of uninterrupted service. Since I’d heard that one often enough to know it was true about only half the time, I worked as fast as I could and I put ice trays in the freezer in the hopes of having something cool to drink when the power went off tonight. While I patted the crust into the tart pan and then fixed the filling I made note of all the things I would need if we went without power for a prolonged length of time. I was relieved to confirm we already had everything we needed but it wasn’t necessarily at easy reach if I was stuck in the bonus room for a prolonged period.

I decided that the first order of business would be to put together some mixes and meals that only required hot water to complete them. That would be easy enough to get because I could siphon off water from the passive solar heater that looked like it was hooked up to the pool. That was one of Mateo’s ideas. We had to run the piping in through the soffit and fascia but no one, not even Greg, realized just how we continued to have hot water despite not having electrical power on a fairly regular basis. The pipe ran directly to the shower in the master bathroom but it also had a turn off valve and spigot in the bonus room. I moved a large and rather ugly orange igloo cooler upstairs and put it on a metal patio table. The cooler held ten gallons and I figured that that would give Nydia and I a couple of days of drinking water but I knew that I would need to keep it topped off.

The other thing I did was to bring up the 12V picnic cooler. I had an inverter that I could plug it into and so long as I keep a series of batteries charged using our PV panels I have what amounts to a handy dandy little refrigerator. It won’t freeze anything but 40 degrees F is nothing to turn your nose up at either; especially on really hot nights when all you can do is drink quart after quart of cool water to try and keep from burning up. I always keep several cups for Nydia in the cooler at all times. The solar attic fans go a long way towards easing our misery as well, but if hot air is all there is to move around the fans can only do so much.

To hold our dishes and dishpan – had to have some way to clean what we ate on after all – I brought up the materials to build a little shelf but that was a project for the next day because I knew my next task was pretty much going to spend all of my remaining energy if not a little more.

The floor of the bonus room is reinforced concrete board so it can take quite a bit of weight. After only one night I knew that sleeping on the floor, even if it was on a mattress, was only going to get harder as I got further along in the pregnancy. I brought up a bunch of super pails filled with dried beans and grains – I had to tie them to the dolly and drag them up the stairs since they were so heavy – and then I laid a piece of plywood over the top of them creating a “box springs” for me to lay the mattress on. They are nearly the perfect height and by putting a bed skirt across the plywood it’s almost like having a real bed.

I’ve added things here and there over the last several weeks, like a couple of floor rugs to keep the plywood splinters out of Nydia’s feet. I wouldn’t call the space anything like Spartan, but it’s not the Ritz either.

The week right after Mateo was taken away was hectic. I spent a lot of time putting together “instant meal” packages, keeping up with my normal list of chores plus the ones that Mateo had taken on or at least helped me with like gathering the water from the barrels, and trying to think of all of the problems that I could run into. I didn’t see anyone during this time; not Greg, any of “his people,” nor any of the neighbors. Greg was always a see-him-when-he-shows-up type of guy but not really seeing any of the neighbors out and about was really freaky.

It was two days before I really began to get outside myself enough to notice just how empty the street felt. Both of the neighboring houses were empty, and both had been gutted with government approval; one local, the other federal. The only sounds were those of nature – the wind, birds, bugs, etc. Every once in a while I’d hear a bus or some kind of big truck out on US41 but otherwise it was too strange because I knew, knew beyond a shadow of a doubt, that there were other people in the neighborhood. It made me wonder though just how many people were left and if they were all hunkering down like I was.

The next night I heard the gravel on the roof like I had before and went down more carefully this time … and with two of the guns. One was a .22 rifle that Dad had taught me to shoot with and the other was a small hi-point pistol that I hoped wasn’t going to break my wrist if I had to use it. Lucky for my nerves and my wrist it was Greg in a crankier mood than usual; but all he did was tell me to do something about my garden because he didn’t have a lot of time to waste keeping people out of it.

“People are getting hungry and word has spread that the FVB has taken most of the men out of this area. Your garden variety scavengers are starting to move through. They ain’t up thisa way yet, but nine’ll get you ten it won’t take ‘em long. I know Matt has the barn fixed so no one is breaking in there, and there’s gators in the swamp again too,” he said with a grin that let me know that he probably had something to do with the reptiles I saw sunning themselves the previous day. “They won’t bother coming thata way no how ‘cause it’s too much like work when they can just walk up the middle of the street with impunity.”

“Impunity? What about cops or the national guard or …”

Greg shook his head, “Matt didn’t do you no favors did he. Look Leah … I can call you that right?” At my affirmative he continued. “Y’all folks have had it pretty good up to this point. And it doesn’t sound like Matt really kept you completely up to speed with what all has been going on out in the real world.”

“Greg …” I said warningly, reminding him I didn’t exactly appreciate being treated like a little girl.

“Greg me all you want but it’s the truth. Now if I was to ever get me a woman I’d want her to be smart and tough. You got the smart part all right but you ain’t had the information to be able to use it. I just don’t know if you got the tough part though. And you’re gonna need to be tough. I promised Matt I’d keep an eye on you and he knows I would anyway since I’m such a sucker but the truth is I could be gone from this world in the next heartbeat and you gotta be able to take care of you and the little gal and the one you got in your belly. Now get on back inside and I’ll keep the varmints out tonight but tomorrow you’re gonna have to do some thinking on what is a priority … what’s worth saving and what you’re willing to give up.”

A priority? What was I willing to give up? Two questions that I had already been asking myself and depending on the circumstances coming up with new answers each time. But the garden issue was a new one for me and would really take some thinking. In the end, after all my thinking and praying about what was the wisest course of action, I harvested what I could as it came up but didn’t replant anything. Any replanting I did was done in containers and a huge new task was added to the total of my daily chores. The containers were outside from daybreak to sunset then I would wheel them in using the dolly. I haven’t done half bad but the harvests have sharply declined. Most everything gets eaten fresh because not enough is left over to be worth the effort of preserving.

The work is hard and I’ve had to be very careful. I see strangers come through the neighborhood with guns several times a week now. I’ve let the yard go to seed as much as I can and still stay within the local laws. I go out at night every week and a half and use a swing blade to keep things trimmed if not manicured. I continue to try and keep up with our edible landscaping out of necessity but only on nights of the full moon so that I don’t have to use a light. I’ve learned to use smell and touch as much as sight to detect ripeness and harvest time. My night vision has improved in the exact proportion that my daytime sight has deteriorated.

And why am I living like a nocturnal creature? Some very simple reasons and they all have to do with comfort and survival.

War … once a specter … is now a reality. Who our enemy is though is a mystery to me. Is it the internal terrorists that our government seems to be obsessed with and constantly running in fear of? It is almost like we are fighting a war on two fronts; one multi-national and overseas and a civil war that hasn’t quite broken out yet. Is it the home countries of the terrorists that almost daily strike at our infrastructure and technological capacity? Is it with China and her allies as they try and bleed us dry economically and with whom this Administration seems to have a love/hate relationship with? And what kind of war are we fighting? Economic, religious, ideological, or geographical?

Tampa has suffered at least as much as some of the other cities in our nation. One of the first acts of terror was when a boat was exploded underneath the Skyway Bridge while at the same time a bus was exploded on the Gandy Bridge, destroying both of them at the highest spans. It will cost billions to repair the bridges and the money just isn’t there to do it so the bridges sit, a depressing reminder of how vulnerable we are when someone really wants to strike at us.

The Curren Wastewater Treatment Plant in Clearwater was sabotaged with a bomb under the huge chlorine gas tank. When it exploded it sent a deadly plume of toxic gas around the Bay Area. More than a few people died and thousands were made ill, some permanently disabled. Other areas have also been sabotaged: the Clorox plant, the Hillsborough River Water Treatment Plant, the Bayside Power Plant, and companies like DPC Enterprises and Harcros Chemicals. The main gates at MacDill AFB have been attacked three times and now the whole base has been put on a war footing and there are soldiers with machine guns that patrol the new wall that has been built to keep people out. Would that a wall had gone up on our borders in time to keep some of the terrorist out. Neighborhoods surrounding the base have been evacuated and taken over by imminent domain. Buildings for yards in every direction of the wall have been bulldozed down and concertina wire and other types of barriers, some that go boom, have been laid.

The Port of Tampa, once a thriving industrial complex, is now more or less an extension of MacDill as the military and quasi-military have taken it over. The civilian dockhands have their own love/hate relationship with this new reality. On the one hand it has made the dock areas much less vulnerable to the drug and organized crime issues that once plagued the area, on the other hand it has made the port an even bigger target for international terrorism and several incidences have been hushed up if rumors are to be believed.

Busch Gardens has made a good living off of the dramatic increase in military presence in the area. Special discounts available to certain types of non-civilian federal personnel has allowed the tourist attraction to remain viable when many other such tourist enterprises have failed. Of course, getting into the park is a rare experience; metal detectors, body searches, no back packs or coolers (not even for the baby), strollers and wheelchairs must be rented inside the park, if you have a purse of any kind it has to be small and clear plastic, there are concrete barricades and armed guards all over the place. I suppose all of that has become most people’s new normal. To me it is just …

 

[Kathy in FL]

Part 4 - 5

It is like watching pictures of how South and Central America used to be; paid security people – most of them former military of some type – who walked around with automatic weapons looking tough and menacing. Or the pictures of Sarajevo or Bosnia as they descended into every increasing amounts of chaos. This wasn’t supposed to happen here, not to my country, not to my family.

But it has happened, and it is happening. What really frightens me is that Nydia has begun to accept things as “normal.” She doesn’t ask for Mateo anymore. I have to remind her to include him in her prayers. It is like she is forgetting him out of self-defense; that remembering him is just too painful for her little psyche to handle. I keep lots of pictures of him up on the walls, pictures of him by himself, pictures of her and him together, pictures of us all together. But the baby is more real to her than Mateo is, she seems to have transferred the devotion she used to reserve for him to this unborn child I carry. Sometimes that causes such an ache in me that it is all I can do to not let her see me cry because it confuses and upsets her.

She sees only me, and the pictures made when I allow her to watch the little DVD television, something I ration by necessity and by choice. She has her toys, her dollies, and her books. She plays in the sunbeams that come through the window when I feel it is safe to have the curtains upstairs open. She hasn’t been downstairs in weeks. At first this was a real problem for such an active little girl but slowly she adjusted and I have to make an effort to get her to talk so that she doesn’t lose any more of the communication skills than she has. Am I doing right by her? But I’ve seen them come and remove children from homes, seen the crying and hysteria … or worse, the stoic belief that they are giving their children the only chance they might have for a square meal. I wonder if that is how it felt for those English parents to send their children to the countryside during WWII?

I go downstairs only when necessary, only when I’m sure that Nydia won’t wake up and come looking for me. I’ve moved what I can upstairs into this room and the spare bedroom. I’ve screwed the door to the room shut from the inside and the only access to it is through a crawl space that I cut from our hiding room. The opening of the crawl space is hidden behind a false intake cover. I think it will be big enough even when I’m nine momths along, but it will be a tight fit.

I can’t risk leaving the house or the yard for fear that someone will come along and break in or the FVB will come along and confiscate what they believe is an abandoned house or the local municipality might do the same thing. I have to make it seem like someone is living in the house but at the same time I can’t make it obvious or I could make us a target of those that think we may have more than they do. My “garden” keeps us in fresh food, but barely enough.

Water is a problem. Even with the solar power to run the well we can’t risk the noise of the pump motor running unless the power is on to the neighborhood. When the power is on, about three times a week lately, the float switch kicks on in the cistern and it refills. I also refill any empty barrels using a hose that I run from the cistern into the house. Thank God for the huge concrete cap on the cistern or someone would likely have had it opened and emptied long ago. Nothing that can be carried off survives long left outside and unattended; I lost a water hose like that and a couple of empty plant pots and that’s just about as far as I want to have to learn that lesson.

But to be on the safe side since I never know when we’ll have power and how long that we won’t I built a sand filter. It is a contraption I read about in one of the books that I’ve brought upstairs. I have a notebook full of notes from those books but not a lot of ability to implement them right now, but the filter I thought was both doable and wise.

I took an old plastic barrel that was too difficult for Mateo and I to move when it was full of water and then rolled it to the door in front of the walk in pantry. This door opened out so with the barrel in front of it the door couldn’t be opened. I had a reason for this. I needed more room to store our belongings in and the hidden room was directly above the pantry but I’ll get to that in a moment.

First I installed a PVC spigot near the bottom of barrel. Then I put some decorative river rock in the bottom of the barrel. The sound of dropping that stuff in nearly gave me a heart attack and I worried that someone would hear what I was doing and come investigate. Justified or not, that is how paranoid I’ve become. On top of the decorative river rock I put an even smaller grade of pebbles and then on top of this I scooped in fine grained playground sand that Mateo had bought for Nydia during better times. We were planning on building a jungle gym for her but it never happened.

At night I go to where the swamp comes up to our property and dip in a couple of buckets. The water is very nasty. Rather than clog up the sand filter I first pour the water through a screen to get rid of the worst of the gunk. If the water still looks pretty bad I’ll let it settle out and then skim the best water off the top and pour it into the sand filter. It took a lot of water before anything would come out of the spigot below. I suppose I should have dampened the sand as it went in so it would compact better. You live, you learn.

Eventually water did run through the sand filter but I’m a bit of a freak about that sort of stuff so I decided to take it a little further. I added a minute amount of powdered alum to a couple of gallons of filtered water to act like a flocculent. This settled out even the finest particles and I siphoned off the good top water and then went even further and sanitized that with a little bleach. It still bothers me when I think about where the water came from but the heat drives us to need a lot of water for drinking and for keeping cool.

During the worst heat of the day Nydia and I take our naps with the solar fans going as much as possible. I keep the fans greased so they make little noise. I pray that the little bearings will hold up for as long as they need to. I don’t know how we would live up here if we didn’t have those little fans to help draw the heat that rises into this space.

Those mid-day naps also help me to do the work I need to at night. Without those naps I wouldn’t be able to stay awake through the long hours. Nydia is getting to be a night owl as well. I worry that she’ll eventually have some kind of health problems but then again, people live where it is “night time” half the year and adjust to it. It’s a shame though that we have to adjust at all. But I see no alternative right now.

The woman that Greg had found to play me in exchange for sharing my ration points has disappeared. Greg thinks it was a voluntary move on her part to be out west with some relatives she had out there but he is still hacked off that she didn’t give notice. He hasn’t been able to find a replacement and the latest bunch of ration points are beginning to expire. I’m not really worried, not yet. I called my OB/gyn to let them know that I couldn’t get transportation to my appointments and lo and behold I find that the doctor’s office is being closed and that they’ll eventually find me a new doctor. Eventually. What a laugh. I have a feeling that they’ll call to schedule an appointment with this new doctor about seven months after the baby has been born.

The birth looms closer and closer. I’ve begun to set up my own maternity wing in our already cramped quarters. It looks like I’m on my own unless a miracle presents itself between now and then. Mateo, where are you? I need you!

Things continue to escalate to a horrific degree. Crime is off the chart, or it would be if they bothered charting it any longer. They are using the “war” overseas to switch the focus away from what is happening here at home. I wonder if that is what happened during WWII in some countries like Germany. Were the people so involved in trying to understand the fighting in Europe, trying to keep track of their loved ones in battle that they failed to see what was happening to their own neighbors in their own backyard?

Well I don’t know where my loved one is. I don’t have a clue. If Greg knows he isn’t saying, not that I see him much these days. Greg is playing some deep game and it seems to be really personal to him. I don’t ask anymore; he never answered me when I asked in the beginning and it became a waste of energy. But with Greg and his people gone you can tell the vermin are slowly making their way back into the neighborhood. I think maybe yesterday was one of the worst days of my life. Am I thinking about this too much? Did I do the right thing?

The moon was full and I had a lot to do. Code Enforcement is pretty regular about making the rounds to make sure that everyone is in compliance with the conservation rules, they also still ding you on the beautification standards that the FVB set several months back. Busy work to keep the body moving and the mind numb with the heat and fatigue. What I wouldn’t give for a goat. On the other hand how would I take care of it and keep it safe? What is that old saying? Wish in one hand and fecal matter in the other and wait to see which one weighs the most? Wishing gets you nowhere.

I used the big cradle scythe and cut most of the front yard in a couple of hours. I have muscles now that I’ve never had before in my whole life. I look ridiculous too, big belly getting in the way of nearly every swing, but a girl does what she has to. I’ve also taken to carrying the .22 rifle with me everywhere when I step out of the hidden room. It rides across my back and the strap leaves a band of sweat across my bosom.

I was all done in; the heat hadn’t really abated despite the sun going down. The humidity made it hard to breathe. The blackberries were late this year so there were still some to gather and I was in the tall shadow of the fence doing just that when I heard breaking glass. Someone was close; too close. I listened again and could hear some noise across the street. Then I heard a cry and then a scream. A yell of rage followed that was abruptly cut off. Then I heard some rough laughter and a door banging open and sounds of a scuffle. Rough language told me someone was being dragged out into the yard.

I must be certifiable but I couldn’t just walk away. If nothing else I had to witness what went down so that I could report it to Greg … or that is the justification I placated myself with.

I followed the fence line down to our gate and then got down in a patch of grass I hadn’t gotten around to cutting yet since it was too near the Confederate Jasmine for the scythe to make sense. I looked out through the bars of the gate and saw three males dragging the woman that lived across the street into the yard. You can guess what they were after. I guess the light of the moon only made things better so they could see their debauchery.

No one was coming. No one would help. Then a thought crept over me. I was already here. I didn’t have to stand by and do nothing. Who would know? It was dark and if I did it right there wouldn’t be anyone left to tell the tale anyway.

Daddy didn’t raise me to do things by half measure. When he taught me to shoot, he expected me to become proficient. It had been a long time since I’d gone hunting but it isn’t like they were trying to hide. The moonlight was like a spotlight. They were all inside of one hundred feet. I couldn’t miss.

I didn’t miss. One. Two. Three. And then four when the third one staggered up only gut shot. The woman slowly sat up and stopped her crying. I could see her frantically looking into the dark, trying to see who had done the shooting. I didn’t dare move. The last thing I want to be known as is a vigilante.

When she didn’t see anyone she grabbed a large rocked that had been used as a decorative garden marker. She raised and then brought it down on each man’s head until they were all squishy. The man from inside came stumbling out, blood pouring from a head wound looking black in the night. The couple held each other. Then the oddest thing happened.

The couple became all business. They stripped each man of everything, leaving them buck naked … or what was left of them anyway. The rock had made a worse mess than my bullets had. Then the couple each grabbed an arm and I saw them drag the bodies away one at a time. When the last body had been dragged away the couple took a bag of oak leaves and up ended them and then used a tree +branch to rake them around. I suppose they were destroying evidence. I wondered though how they knew what to do and whether they had already had practice at it since it seemed they knew what to do without even talking about it. Too weird.

After the couple went inside I waited a few minutes and then crept back to the backyard and then scurried into the house when a cloud covered the moon. I was half way up the stairs before the reality of what I had done hit me. I barely made it to the bathroom in time. I haven’t been that sick since I started the morning heaves.

I shook off and on for most of the night. I still have a hard time believing I did what I did. I haven’t dared think about what is going to happen if someone figures out what I’ve done. How could I do that? How could I endanger Nydia and this baby? What a fool I am. On the other hand how would I have felt had I done nothing but watch? Would I have been next, a woman alone with no one to protect or defend me?

I’m so tired, so scared. I want Mateo here, now. I need him here, now. But it looks like God has other plans. Please, if I can’t have Mateo, please give me the wisdom I need to be the mother I must be and the strength to protect and provide for my children. Please. I can’t do this as I am right now.

 

[Mr Bill]

Cool

 

[Lake Lili]

Great read! Thanks Kathy!
Lili

 

[ejagno]

Oh my, you have me hooked on another one. I love your writing. Thank you!