Redneck ghostbusters

Knoxville's Joker

Veteran Member
Redneck Ghostbusters

Egon: I want to introduce you to a couple of colleagues I met at a local science far down south in the bible belt. BillyJoeBob and Jeb.

BillyJoeBob: you can just call me BJ.

Jeb: jeb’s my name and that’s no fib.

Egon: I was visiting a science fear hosted by NASA and found that these individuals were able to add new technology to age old hobbies and crafts. I showed them some of our technology and we are in the process of coming out with some new equipment that will make work easier. BJ is the southern version of me, but Jeb is the southern version of Peter.

Venkman: Hey, there’s only room enough on this team for one Peter thank you very much

BJ: Ok I looked at your packs and noticed that you have no means to attract nasties from far away and for dealing with any slimers up close into traps

Slimer: ::whines::::Whimpers::

BJ: So I have made two new want versions for you. One is this here shotgun version. I amped up the power output at the expense of energy dispersion over distance. It will entrap any nasty within 20 foot and repel them even if they are a few inches away from you with no harm to you. Oh, slimmer, would you care to be our test subject, I have a nice new York pizza for you

Slimer ::Groans:: OK

BJ: Slimer is right now at 30 foot and notice the stream, no effect on anything past 20 feet, no damage to anything at all. OK, slimmer start coming at me. Now as you see he is 6 inches from me and after engaging he is now repulsed out to 20 foot and at a safe distance to entrap. Now I am going to hand this demonstration off to Jeb to demonstrate the sniper reel wand.

Jeb: Now what has been our number one problem with the bigger baddies such as the boogey man, and Ghozar? They were too far for us to latch onto and prep for capture in a trap. And to that I bring you the reel wand. I call it fishing with ghosts, though some call it fishing for trouble. Slimer, You see the empire state building over there? I placed a pizza on the top of the tower with this trap drone.

Slimer ::excitedly pants:: PIZZA ::excitedly huffs off.

Jeb: now as you can see here I have a 20 thousand power scope at max magnification that auto focuses on inhuman energies. As you can see it has auto honed on slimmer and his size in the scope is not changing as he rushes towards the empire state building. Now as you see he is at the top of the building happily picking apart the extra large pizza I deposited there, I am now going to engage the wand. And as you can see he is statically held in place and this reel pops out here and all you have to do is just crank back a few degrees and it will start the reel action. And if you also notice I have the scope video feed set to display to the TV in ecto one in case we run into a creature not in the tobans spirit guide. And as you see we have finally got Slimer within safe trapping distance. Thank you slimmer. Did I get you enough good toppings?

Slimer: Uh, huh ::smacks lips::

Jeb: now the next innovation I metioned briefly was the drone trap. This is a trap I designed with my late ex-hooker girlfriend cleodita in mind. She gave me too many social diseases so I wanted to make sure there was a way to capture a nasty without risking any illness possibilities. And I dub this remote controlled trap, the clap trap. Now I have it set to work with the sniper reel for remote capture abilities. It is set to enhance the capabilities of the sniper real as it can amplify any detected energy of non human origin. There are some living signatures it seems to pickup but I am having issues tracking down the sources as they appear and disappear the moment it locks on.

Egon: As you can see with some ingenuity in ways we did not think we have just increased our available technology tools.

Knoxville's Joker

Veteran Member
Later that day…

BJ: Egon, have you tested how spicy Slimers GI tract can tolerate things? I have some Jolokia peppers and have won the regional hottest chili cook offs three years and running.

Egon: Well, the issue we have run into with the slime is that it takes minor attributes from the food that he eats. And the GI tract seems to have some minor decompositional properties from some minor amounts of food that does not go straight through him. But I have been very curious if there is a formulation for food that slimmer would not touch a second time.

BJ: I was thinking do my famous Chili and then some Gumbo.

Egon: Just be careful, I do not want to have to replace the flooring or roof again. Mister peck did such a number on things that I do not want to have to go through a similar ordeal if slimmer blows his top or cracks the bedrock.

BJ: walkt to kitchen with his choice ingredients in hand humming confederacy theme song.

A little time passes..

Egon and BJ: Oh Slimer we have some food for you!

Slimer: ::Pants and makes happy sounds running to the dining room area::

BJ: Since you are such a special part of the team here allowing us to improve our craft I thought I would treat you to my signature chilli and Gumbo that has won many awards.

:: goes to fill a bowl and then slimmer grabs the whole pot and downs it::

BJ: There goes the left overs, but at least I got me some!

Jeb: Hey did he leave any for me?

BJ: No!

Jeb: oh boy, I’m getting my sniper rig. We may need to contain a mess in the trap.

Slimer: Yummy! Uh Oh. My tummy feels baaaad. ::starts turning varying shades of red and steam is coming out his ears::

Egon: I never knew the ghosts could change coloration like that in response to physical food.

BJ: Well you know the nickname for my chilli is redneck draino. Apparently folks that can’t digest it, pipes tend to dissolve.

Egon: The city is still not over the plumbing issues from Ghozer and you tell me this now?!

Slimer: ::Starts drinking water from faucet::

BJ: Boy, you just made it worse on yourself. You have to drink sugar water or milk to counteract the heat. By my estimates you would need about 2 galloons just to get the heat down to a livable level, I put 4 gallons in the fridge for you, but don’t touch the eggnog, I added custom Romulan ale to it.

Slimer: ::Flies through fridge door and you hear noises coming from inside the fridge::

Egon: Romulan Ale? Are you trying to kill someone?

BJ: Well Slimer is already dead. I figure the milk will keep him from blowing his top and then the eggnog will make him not care about the pain until things equalize

Egon: So you did this before?

BJ: Well I had a buddy that loved spicy stuff and was an alcoholic. It did not kill him, but he stopped drinking alcohol after that.

Slimer: Ah. ::Moves into view out of the slime covered fridge that is starting to steam and slightly melt:: Much better. ::Slime is now dripping from his forehead, and the coloration has returned to normal:: Me feel fuzny. Me take nap now. ::flies through wall into alley and dumpster dives then becoming out cold:: ::Steam and the foulest of stenches start emanating from the dumpster and the lid slams shut::

Egon: Please tell me you have a counter agent for the smells and the residual corriosion?

BJ: Sure do. I call this here bottle and its contents Ghost Seltzer. It alkalizes any acid and makes ectoplasm cure into a low tack adhesive.

Egon: So you ran into specters like slimer before?

BJ: Well there was this one thing I ran into. Big funny ghost kept calling himself John Candy and said my ideas were pure gold. And he absolutely loved the Chilli. He always showed up at every competition and I had to create the Ghost Seltzer to help the organizers handle the mess.

Egon: So why did this not hit the news? We would have heard something about this by now.

BJ: Well apparently at the cook offs many entities showed up to relive their favorite memories. We also had a lot of Union and Confederate spooks show up too wondering what on tarnation we were doing on their former battle ground. They kept getting enthralled with how fired up we got about our fine southern cooking. To keep things from getting stopped everyone agreed to make it not hit the news ever as the experiences and stories of our ancestors and former family members were just too good to let anyone stop it from happening every year.

Ray, Winston, Peter: What did we just witness?

BJ: A prelude to the best dinner you will ever have. I made some very mild gumbo for everyone to enjoy. Slimer is going to be out cold for a few hours so you can eat without fear of your plate disappearing. Janine, supper is being served.

Jannine: I’ll be up in a minute.

BJ: Sit down everyone, get comfortable and I will serve supper.

::Fade to later that next day::

BJ: Slimer do you want some more chilli? I made another batch

Slimer: No! ::Screams and then runs far away out of the building through the nearest wall::

Egon: So you figured out a way to keep him out of the kitchen? And your special batch of resin actually smoothed out all the long-term damage slimer has done to things.

BJ: Well, after the annual cookouts I figured out how to turn a waste product into manufacturing byproduct. And since it is based off a quasi -planar element it naturally repels ectoplasm so it has made a messy problem into a non-issue.

Egon: Are you saying we now have residual income from all of the ghost damage and mess and all we need to do is to extract ectoplasm?

BJ: Exactly. I knew you guys were struggling so I wanted to make sure you had alternate markets to offer product and services. And I knew you could figure out how to automate some of the aspects.

Knoxville's Joker

Veteran Member
Later that week…

Jeanine: Guys, we got one! ::Slams the alert bell::

Egon: BJ and Jeb you will need to find your own transportation. You are not riding with us in Ecto 1, there is not enough room. We can do this one without you so you can find appropriate transportation for next time.

BJ: Jeb, you know how you said you always wanted a hot rod Lincoln?

Jeb: Yes, but I wanted a souped up Bonnie and Clyde Car…

BJ: I heard that they are storing it here in the city museum and I happened to find this look alike that needs some minor body work to match what it looks like, wanna a do the ole switchero and really make history come alive?

Jeb: you know it!

Later that month…

BJ: Egon, we got us a hot rod Lincoln, it goes so fast the telephone poles look like a white picket fence. You hit 88 and time goes flying by when the funked capacitor really kicks in.

Egon: But that’s a model T, with a souped up Lincoln engine, If you hit a pot hole you will fly and those are all over the place.

BJ: Hence the retractable wings and jet engine turbo powered exhaust. And why the parking spot looks like a launch bay.

Egon: you mean when it hits a pothole as it gets up to speed it starts to fly, man talk about an airborne suspension.

BJ: yup, and as long as slimer stops touching my moonshine I use for fuel, we won’t bottom out anymore. The slime clogs the injectors…

Egon: so your rocket fuel experiment was not for resale?

BJ: The northerners here could not handle the level of pure octane of that pure of a brew. 1 ounce is enough to conk out slimer what do you think that would do to a normal new Yorker?. And he hates the hang over of that stuff even when I help with my hang over cure it still does not help him much…

Egon: what was this about a sucky ghost trap I heard you two going back and forth on.

BJ: Well before we met you we had to create temporary containment units to relocate ghosts to safer locales as we lacked containment facilities such as you and we have found that relocation to more appropriate areas actually helped some evil ghosts turn good. I mean ray actually turned mister Stay puft into a good guy with all the treats he has been sending into the containment unit late at night. Different method, same result so to speak.

Egon: Well show us what you have, I need to see if we can interface it with our containment unit

BJ: well you know that we do not have the advantage of having access to new stuff and love using cast off equipment to build our items. Much like the accelerator in your proton packs uses a magnetron accelerator from a radar array. So we adapted an old Electra Compact vacuum cleaner made in the 1970s.

Egon: so how did you solve the containment field energy requirements issue

BJ: Well that one was tricky as the phasic elements in the ghosts operate at specific frequencies so I had to change to a smaller more efficient motor for the blower to make room for a graphite based battery that will never run dry as it gains power from airflow at a 110% efficiency rating, with the excess power going to the containment field seen here in the bag bay. We also set it up to also capture the slime as it gets the ghosts as well as we want to leave things cleaner than when we found them and prevent slip hazards as we need OSHA to stay away as much as we need the EPA to stay away…

Egon: So it not only contains it cleans?

BJ: That was a byproduct of the containment process. Once switched off after capturing a ghost we then move to a release location we identify based upon the ghost behavior and personality profile and just pop open the lid. The slime we capture and use to make the nice acrylic compound that you found turns slimer’s messes Into a great restorative product.

Egon: so it does r cubed? Restore, release, reclaim. With no waste or mess when you are done?

BJ: that was the end result, though we refer to it as Trap, neutralize, release (TNR.) Getting to that point was fun as getting the containment set provided to be a rather messy trial and error process, good thing we were next to a vacuum cleaner factory graveyard as we really resurrected a fix with this bad boy. I like to call it the Ghastly re-mobilizer 4000 (GR-4k or GRAK for short.)

Egon: Is it possible to reverse flow once you clean the slime out?

BJ: We ran into that issue with the containment vessel filling up too much in bigger groups so we have a Cleaner to container adapter that separates out the slime as it transfers the entity.

Egon: So it appears that that unit can be adapted to our traps. Please give me one of your excess containers and I will see what I can fabricate in the lab.

BJ: that sounds great. I was worried there were not enough safe spots to rehabilitate these ghosts and even in so doing here in densely populated New York, we would create more issues than we would resolve.