Emilia ran. She was terrified. Absolutely terrified. She had no idea what was going on, she had no idea why she was running other than her mother told her to. Correction, she commanded her to. And therein lay the terror.
Her mother’s actions had terrified her. Make no doubt, she trusted and loved her mother, but she frequently confused her, worried her, and sometimes she was a little scared FOR her , but this time she had terrified her.
She ran. THE VOICE had said obey, so she did. She had only heard her use that voice twice at another person. It wasn’t as intense as this time, and wasn’t directed at her. The one time she had heard it clearly, her mom hadn’t know she was still within earshot. She could still remember every word as if it was seconds ago. She was talking to her new boyfriend that had come over to the apartment. He was sitting on the couch and she had walked up to him. He was much taller than her and with him sitting and her standing, they were almost eye to eye. She spoke once, then left the room
“You seem like a nice young man. If you lay one finger on my daughter that she doesn’t like, speak to her in a way that is disrespectful or casually break her heart, your parents will be burying an empty coffin because they will never find your body.”
She didn’t yell, it was all in an even tone, but in that moment, there was absolutely no doubt in their minds she meant every single word of it.
Part of her knew her mother was unstable in some ways. OK, correction, a lot of ways. The anger, the rage and the crying after Emilia’s father died was understandable she now knew as she had gotten older. Some other parts didn’t make as much sense to her. She would get drunk after the funerals she went to. Most of them, she would just sit at the table in their old house, refill her glass, cry, refill her glass, again and again until the bottle was gone.
One time, however, after coming back from that funeral and drinking some, she had gone into the garage and destroyed just about as many things as she could get her hands on. That was the last one she went to other than her father’s after they had moved here and lived her with him for a couple of years.
After her mom had gotten out of the military after Emilia’s dad died, mom bounced around job to job a lot, rarely staying with one any length of time. The longest was when she was going to college and then was a teacher at one of the high schools. It was shortly after getting fired that times got even more lean. They ended up moving halfway across the country to Grandpa’s place. It was prettier here but Grandpa was old and had been sick for a long time.
Her mother at least didn’t drink any more. She did workout like a maniac, however. She haunted pawn shops and thrift stores until she had gotten enough gym equipment to keep her busy. Mom never slept. She would be up at three in the morning, pounding away on the treadmill, or the ski machine, or the bowflex for three, four , five hours at a time, two or three times a day sometimes. She had asked her why once. Her mom told her it was easier to sleep when she was exhausted.
Emilia knew it wasn’t vanity driving her to work out. There were no mirrors in the gym room. Shoot, there were no mirrors anywhere in the apartment other than Emilia’s bathroom. One of her friends said her mother’s fashion sense was that of a homeless person, all baggy clothes, long sleeves and unkempt or un-styled, barely combed hair. The sad thing was, her friend was right and wrong.
Her mother was doing it deliberately. She had seen her dressed to the nines, smoking hot, when she wanted to. But her mother seemed to care nothing about it. Emilia chalked it up as another part of her screwed up mom. When Emilia had wanted to start wearing makeup, her mom had to get a friend of hers to take Emilia shopping for it and teach her how to put it on. Not that her mother didn’t want to, she had said. It was that she didn’t know what to get or how to put it on herself. The only thing she had ever seen her use was lip balm for chapped lips. Not that her mother needed any makeup.
The one constant had always been her love and affection towards Emilia. That’s why she was so scared now. The look in her mother’s eyes when she threw her to the ground and gave her orders. Not told her what to do. Gave her orders, in that other voice. It was like some sort of demon had escaped a cage and taken over. She had pissed herself when her mom slapped her. What had gone so wrong that her mother had turned loose this thing inside her towards her?
Emilia ran.