MAKE ME LAUGH!
- Thread starter Dennis Olson
- Start date
packyderms_wife
Neither here nor there.
Old Reliable
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Old Reliable
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Old Reliable
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Old Reliable
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One day Johnny came home from school and he was pretty well beaten up. His mother looked at the clock and realized he was home way too early...
"Why are you home already?"
"Momma, the kids all said I have a big head and they beat me up and told me I looked funny."
"Don't be silly, go back to school. You don't have a big head!"
"But Momma, they're going to beat me up again."
"No they won't, go back to school."
He was back home in a couple of hours and his clothes were torn, his lip was bleeding and he had a big bruise on his cheek. He was crying.
"Why are you home again?"
"Momma, the kids beat me up again and said I have a big head and I look funny."
That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. Go back to school."
He threw himself on the floor and kicked his feet and was screaming....
"Okay, stop that, you can stay home from school for the rest of the day but I need you to go to the store for me."
"Sure Mommy, what do you need?"
"Three dozen eggs, four loaves of bread, six cans of corn, three cans of stewed tomatoes, ten pounds of flour and a watermelon."
"But Mommy, how am I going to carry all that stuff?"
"Don't be silly, put it in your hat."
"Why are you home already?"
"Momma, the kids all said I have a big head and they beat me up and told me I looked funny."
"Don't be silly, go back to school. You don't have a big head!"
"But Momma, they're going to beat me up again."
"No they won't, go back to school."
He was back home in a couple of hours and his clothes were torn, his lip was bleeding and he had a big bruise on his cheek. He was crying.
"Why are you home again?"
"Momma, the kids beat me up again and said I have a big head and I look funny."
That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. Go back to school."
He threw himself on the floor and kicked his feet and was screaming....
"Okay, stop that, you can stay home from school for the rest of the day but I need you to go to the store for me."
"Sure Mommy, what do you need?"
"Three dozen eggs, four loaves of bread, six cans of corn, three cans of stewed tomatoes, ten pounds of flour and a watermelon."
"But Mommy, how am I going to carry all that stuff?"
"Don't be silly, put it in your hat."
Old Reliable
Veteran Member
Since Thanksgiving is just past, I wanted to recall a dinner I was invited to many years ago as a young sailor.
I was TDY on the USS Saratoga which was in Brooklyn at the Naval shipyard in New York City, I found myself one afternoon in a Penny arcade. I struck up a conversation with a cute little honey and after some lite conversation, I asked her if she wanted to go out. She informed me her parents didn’t allow her to go out with anybody unless they met him first, so my question to her was, how do I get to meet her parents? She invited me home for dinner that same evening.
Her mother was the biggest woman I have ever met in person. She was well over six feet tall, and probably weighed somewhere in the neighborhood of 600 pounds. Someone told me that she was a city employee, and worked in the Holland Tunnel. Apparently, they tied a rope around her middle and fasten the other end to a pickup truck and pulled her through the tunnel to clean it.
We sat around and had the usual conversations about this and that and it came time to sit at the table and have dinner. There were eight of us altogether, the Mom, Dad, the sweet little honey who invited me over for dinner, and her four brothers, and me of course.
First came a huge platter of mashed potatoes, followed by a great big bowl of gravy, some corn on the cob was on another great big platter, then came a bowl with a mixed salad in it, and finally, mom brought in a plate with five pork chops on it. I was in a lot of fights when I was a young man, but this fight broke out as soon as that platter of pork chops hit the table and I want you to know it was mean and it was nasty. Knives and forks were flashing, it was downright scary. However, I have to be perfectly honest here, the three pork chops I got were delicious.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone.
I was TDY on the USS Saratoga which was in Brooklyn at the Naval shipyard in New York City, I found myself one afternoon in a Penny arcade. I struck up a conversation with a cute little honey and after some lite conversation, I asked her if she wanted to go out. She informed me her parents didn’t allow her to go out with anybody unless they met him first, so my question to her was, how do I get to meet her parents? She invited me home for dinner that same evening.
Her mother was the biggest woman I have ever met in person. She was well over six feet tall, and probably weighed somewhere in the neighborhood of 600 pounds. Someone told me that she was a city employee, and worked in the Holland Tunnel. Apparently, they tied a rope around her middle and fasten the other end to a pickup truck and pulled her through the tunnel to clean it.
We sat around and had the usual conversations about this and that and it came time to sit at the table and have dinner. There were eight of us altogether, the Mom, Dad, the sweet little honey who invited me over for dinner, and her four brothers, and me of course.
First came a huge platter of mashed potatoes, followed by a great big bowl of gravy, some corn on the cob was on another great big platter, then came a bowl with a mixed salad in it, and finally, mom brought in a plate with five pork chops on it. I was in a lot of fights when I was a young man, but this fight broke out as soon as that platter of pork chops hit the table and I want you to know it was mean and it was nasty. Knives and forks were flashing, it was downright scary. However, I have to be perfectly honest here, the three pork chops I got were delicious.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone.
Old Reliable
Veteran Member
Here's what Hides At The Bottom Of The DEEPEST Hole On EARTH...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KIxWDHr1ddc
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KIxWDHr1ddc
Old Reliable
Veteran Member
Old Reliable
Veteran Member
Old Reliable
Veteran Member
Old Reliable
Veteran Member
Some Americans are ignorant and proud 84 Stop being offended!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8lyp9pdrpa0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8lyp9pdrpa0
Old Reliable
Veteran Member
Old Reliable
Veteran Member
Fishing For Whiskey
“Poor Old fool,” thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub.
So he invited the old man inside for a drink.
As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he’d humor the old man and asked, “So how many have you caught today?”
The old man replied, “You’re the eighth.”
“Poor Old fool,” thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub.
So he invited the old man inside for a drink.
As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he’d humor the old man and asked, “So how many have you caught today?”
The old man replied, “You’re the eighth.”
Old Reliable
Veteran Member
My Son’s #1 Concern
When my three-year-old was told to pee in a cup at the doctor’s office, he unexpectedly got nervous.
With a shaking voice, he asked, “Do I have to drink it?”
When my three-year-old was told to pee in a cup at the doctor’s office, he unexpectedly got nervous.
With a shaking voice, he asked, “Do I have to drink it?”
Old Reliable
Veteran Member
First Impression
When my baby granddaughter LeeAnn came home from the hospital, the aunts, uncles and cousins were there to greet her.
I showed her cousin Alex the baby and told him, “This is Grandma’s girl.”
Alex replied, “You are not her grandma; she doesn’t even know you.”
When my baby granddaughter LeeAnn came home from the hospital, the aunts, uncles and cousins were there to greet her.
I showed her cousin Alex the baby and told him, “This is Grandma’s girl.”
Alex replied, “You are not her grandma; she doesn’t even know you.”
Old Reliable
Veteran Member
My Baking Blunder
A group of our friends from church were planning a picnic, and it sounded like fun.
The only problem was that times had been a bit tight for me, as I was a single mother with four children. What did I have that we could contribute to the picnic?
Then a thought struck. I could make a cherry pie! A friend had given me a quart of canned cherries that would make a very nice pie filling.
So I prepared the crust, thickened the cherries, and put the pie together.
When it came out of the oven, it looked so good and the aroma was wonderful.
At the picnic, my fiance, Stu, was the first to take a bite of my pie.
I saw a puzzled look go across his face. Then he began to spit out cherry pits. It had not occurred to me someone would can cherries without pitting them first. How embarrassing!
Well, he married me anyway. And the cherry pie has been an inside joke for the past 48 years.
A group of our friends from church were planning a picnic, and it sounded like fun.
The only problem was that times had been a bit tight for me, as I was a single mother with four children. What did I have that we could contribute to the picnic?
Then a thought struck. I could make a cherry pie! A friend had given me a quart of canned cherries that would make a very nice pie filling.
So I prepared the crust, thickened the cherries, and put the pie together.
When it came out of the oven, it looked so good and the aroma was wonderful.
At the picnic, my fiance, Stu, was the first to take a bite of my pie.
I saw a puzzled look go across his face. Then he began to spit out cherry pits. It had not occurred to me someone would can cherries without pitting them first. How embarrassing!
Well, he married me anyway. And the cherry pie has been an inside joke for the past 48 years.
Old Reliable
Veteran Member
Where Milk Comes From
When I told my son where milk comes from, he asked, “Mama, how do the cows sit on those little bottles?”
When I told my son where milk comes from, he asked, “Mama, how do the cows sit on those little bottles?”
Old Reliable
Veteran Member
Sunday Best
On Easter one year, I got to see my 5-year-old granddaughter, Julia. I wore my best suit for the holiday.
Julia said, “Grandpa, you look so handsome today. Did you take a shower?”
On Easter one year, I got to see my 5-year-old granddaughter, Julia. I wore my best suit for the holiday.
Julia said, “Grandpa, you look so handsome today. Did you take a shower?”
Old Reliable
Veteran Member
Following Directions
A young man was planting some flower seeds on a sweltering day, sweating from the hot sun.
His neighbor said, “You need to wait until the sun goes down, or plant in the morning when it is coolest.”
The man said, “I can’t do that. It says on the package, ‘Plant in full sun!’ ”
A young man was planting some flower seeds on a sweltering day, sweating from the hot sun.
His neighbor said, “You need to wait until the sun goes down, or plant in the morning when it is coolest.”
The man said, “I can’t do that. It says on the package, ‘Plant in full sun!’ ”
Old Reliable
Veteran Member
Happy Valentine's Day
The Righteous Brothers - Unchained Melody (OFFICIAL VIDEO)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qiiyq2xrSI0
Unchained Melody (Orchester Version)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ejm3Q5ZKr28
The Righteous Brothers - Unchained Melody (OFFICIAL VIDEO)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qiiyq2xrSI0
Unchained Melody (Orchester Version)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ejm3Q5ZKr28
Old Reliable
Veteran Member
University of Texas at Austin 2014 Commencement Address - Admiral William H. McRaven
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pxBQLFLei70
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pxBQLFLei70
Old Reliable
Veteran Member
Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake. “I’ll go into town for a doctor,” the other says. He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the only doctor delivering a baby.
“I can’t leave,” the doctor says. “But here’s what to do. Take a knife, cut a little X where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground.”
The guy runs back to his friend, who is in agony. “What did the doctor say?” the victim cries.
“He says you’re gonna die.”
“I can’t leave,” the doctor says. “But here’s what to do. Take a knife, cut a little X where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground.”
The guy runs back to his friend, who is in agony. “What did the doctor say?” the victim cries.
“He says you’re gonna die.”
Old Reliable
Veteran Member
Tennessee Taxpayer’s Returned Form 1040
The IRS returned a Tennessee taxpayer’s tax return indicating that he had answered one of the questions incorrectly. In response to Line 6c on his Form 1040 asking for him if he had any dependents and to identify them, the man wrote: "2.1 million illegal immigrants, 1.1 million crack-heads, 4.4 million unemployable scroungers, 80,000 criminals in over 85 prisons, plus 650 idiots in Washington, and the everyone who calls themselves a politician."
On the returned form, someone at the IRS had attached a Post-it Note beside the question with an arrow and the words: “Your response to Line 6c is unacceptable.”
The man sent it back to the IRS with his response on the bottom of the Post It Note: "Who did I leave out?"
The IRS returned a Tennessee taxpayer’s tax return indicating that he had answered one of the questions incorrectly. In response to Line 6c on his Form 1040 asking for him if he had any dependents and to identify them, the man wrote: "2.1 million illegal immigrants, 1.1 million crack-heads, 4.4 million unemployable scroungers, 80,000 criminals in over 85 prisons, plus 650 idiots in Washington, and the everyone who calls themselves a politician."
On the returned form, someone at the IRS had attached a Post-it Note beside the question with an arrow and the words: “Your response to Line 6c is unacceptable.”
The man sent it back to the IRS with his response on the bottom of the Post It Note: "Who did I leave out?"
Old Reliable
Veteran Member
An old guy walks into a bar and the bartender asks for ID.
“You’ve got to be kidding,” he said.
“I’m almost 60 years old.
” The bartender apologized, but said he had to see the license.
The guy showed his ID, then paid and told the bartender to keep the change.
“The tip’s for carding me,” he said. The bartender put the change in the tip cup.
“Thanks,” he said. “Works every time.”
“You’ve got to be kidding,” he said.
“I’m almost 60 years old.
” The bartender apologized, but said he had to see the license.
The guy showed his ID, then paid and told the bartender to keep the change.
“The tip’s for carding me,” he said. The bartender put the change in the tip cup.
“Thanks,” he said. “Works every time.”
Old Reliable
Veteran Member
My 3-year-old granddaughter, Sydney, told my husband, Ted, and me that she was going fishing with her dad. Ted asked if she was going to use worms. “No,” she said. “I’m going to use a fishing pole.”
Old Reliable
Veteran Member
Q: What do you call someone who can’t stick with a diet?
A: A desserter.
A: A desserter.
Old Reliable
Veteran Member
I would like vitamins for my son,” a mother said. “Vitamin A, B or C?” the pharmacist asked.
“It doesn’t matter,” the mother replied.
“He can’t read yet.”
“It doesn’t matter,” the mother replied.
“He can’t read yet.”
Old Reliable
Veteran Member
My three-year-old daughter stuck out her hand and said, “Look at the fly I killed, Mommy.” Since she was eating a juicy pickle at the time, I thrust her contaminated hands under the faucet and washed them with antibacterial soap.
After sitting her down to finish her pickle, I asked, with a touch of awe,
“How did you kill that fly all by yourself?”
Between bites, she said, “I hit it with my pickle.”
After sitting her down to finish her pickle, I asked, with a touch of awe,
“How did you kill that fly all by yourself?”
Between bites, she said, “I hit it with my pickle.”
Old Reliable
Veteran Member
Why Women Make Better Assassins
The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews, and testing were done, there were three finalists: two men and a woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
"We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her."
The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife."
The agent said, "Then you are not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home."
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."
The agent said, "You don't have what it takes, so take your wife and go home."
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions to kill her husband.
She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, and banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet.
The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping sweat from her brow.
"The gun was loaded with blanks," she said. "I had to kill him with the chair."
The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews, and testing were done, there were three finalists: two men and a woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
"We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her."
The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife."
The agent said, "Then you are not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home."
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."
The agent said, "You don't have what it takes, so take your wife and go home."
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions to kill her husband.
She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, and banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet.
The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping sweat from her brow.
"The gun was loaded with blanks," she said. "I had to kill him with the chair."
Old Reliable
Veteran Member
Never Use Vodka To Melt Ice
I came home from work tonight to find the recent snowfall had coated my front steps with ice. Home Depot has been out of Ice Melt for several days, due to the winter storm we are experiencing. So, I thought, hmmmm, alcohol will melt ice. Why not sprinkle some vodka on the front steps? I quickly grabbed a bottle from the pantry and sprinkled some vodka on the icy front steps. I went inside to warm up. About 30 minutes later, I hear some high pitched voices and merriment coming from my front porch. By the time I donned my coat and opened the door, all I saw were a bunch of racoon footprints in the snow, and 2 small martini glasses with a half eaten olive. Never use vodka to melt ice...
I came home from work tonight to find the recent snowfall had coated my front steps with ice. Home Depot has been out of Ice Melt for several days, due to the winter storm we are experiencing. So, I thought, hmmmm, alcohol will melt ice. Why not sprinkle some vodka on the front steps? I quickly grabbed a bottle from the pantry and sprinkled some vodka on the icy front steps. I went inside to warm up. About 30 minutes later, I hear some high pitched voices and merriment coming from my front porch. By the time I donned my coat and opened the door, all I saw were a bunch of racoon footprints in the snow, and 2 small martini glasses with a half eaten olive. Never use vodka to melt ice...
SteveReloaded
Veteran Member
Nice OR, love the classics. 
Old Reliable
Veteran Member
An interesting piece of history!
In 1272, the Arabs invented the condom, using a goat's lower intestine.
In 1873, the British somewhat refined the idea by taking the intestine out of the goat first.
In 1272, the Arabs invented the condom, using a goat's lower intestine.
In 1873, the British somewhat refined the idea by taking the intestine out of the goat first.
Old Reliable
Veteran Member
Did you know that every condom that gets made has an individual serial number printed on it??
No??
Never had to roll one down that far hunh??
No??
Never had to roll one down that far hunh??
Old Reliable
Veteran Member
Old Reliable
Veteran Member
There is no stronger bond . . . than a man and his dog.
Attached Thumbnails
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Attached Thumbnails
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Old Reliable
Veteran Member
The following has been attributed to State Representative Mitchell Aye from GA. This guy should run for President one day...
"We The People of the United States"
"We the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior, and secure the blessings of debt free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great-grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt ridden, delusional, and other liberal bed-wetter's. We hold these truths to be self evident: that a whole lot of people are confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim they require a Bill of NON-Rights"
ARTICLE I: You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV, or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.
ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone -- not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc, but the world is full of idiots, and probably always will be.
ARTICLE III: You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful, do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy.
ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes.
ARTICLE V: You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we're just not interested in public health care.
ARTICLE VI: You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim, or kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair.
ARTICLE VII: You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat, or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won't have the right to a big screen color TV or a life of leisure.
ARTICLE VIII: You do not have the right to a job. All of us sure want you to have a job, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful.
ARTICLE IX: You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to PURSUE happiness which, by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an over abundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights.
ARTICLE X: This is an English speaking country. We don't care where you are from, English is our language. Learn it or go back to wherever you came from!
(lastly...)
ARTICLE XI: You do not have the right to change our country's history or heritage. This country was founded on the belief in one true God. And yet, you are given the freedom to believe in any religion, any faith, or no faith at all; with no fear of persecution. The phrase IN GOD WE TRUST is part of our heritage and history and if you are uncomfortable with it, TOUGH!!!!
If you agree, share this with a friend. No, you don't have to, and nothing tragic will befall you if you don't. I just think it's about time common sense is allowed to flourish.
Sensible people of the United States need to speak out because if you don't, Stupid people will.
"We The People of the United States"
"We the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior, and secure the blessings of debt free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great-grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt ridden, delusional, and other liberal bed-wetter's. We hold these truths to be self evident: that a whole lot of people are confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim they require a Bill of NON-Rights"
ARTICLE I: You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV, or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.
ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone -- not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc, but the world is full of idiots, and probably always will be.
ARTICLE III: You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful, do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy.
ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes.
ARTICLE V: You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we're just not interested in public health care.
ARTICLE VI: You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim, or kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair.
ARTICLE VII: You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat, or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won't have the right to a big screen color TV or a life of leisure.
ARTICLE VIII: You do not have the right to a job. All of us sure want you to have a job, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful.
ARTICLE IX: You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to PURSUE happiness which, by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an over abundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights.
ARTICLE X: This is an English speaking country. We don't care where you are from, English is our language. Learn it or go back to wherever you came from!
(lastly...)
ARTICLE XI: You do not have the right to change our country's history or heritage. This country was founded on the belief in one true God. And yet, you are given the freedom to believe in any religion, any faith, or no faith at all; with no fear of persecution. The phrase IN GOD WE TRUST is part of our heritage and history and if you are uncomfortable with it, TOUGH!!!!
If you agree, share this with a friend. No, you don't have to, and nothing tragic will befall you if you don't. I just think it's about time common sense is allowed to flourish.
Sensible people of the United States need to speak out because if you don't, Stupid people will.
Old Reliable
Veteran Member
Old Reliable
Veteran Member
A defendant isn’t happy with
how things are going in court, so he gives the judge a hard time.
Judge: “Where do you work?”
Defendant: “Here and there.”
Judge: “What do you do for a living?”
Defendant: “This and that.”
Judge: “Take him away.”
Defendant: “Wait; when will I get out?”
Judge: “Sooner or later.”
Judge: “Where do you work?”
Defendant: “Here and there.”
Judge: “What do you do for a living?”
Defendant: “This and that.”
Judge: “Take him away.”
Defendant: “Wait; when will I get out?”
Judge: “Sooner or later.”
Old Reliable
Veteran Member
If College Students Wrote the Bible
Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, he would have put it off until the night before to get it done.
Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasn’t cafeteria food.
The reason why Cain killed Abel was because Abel was just a terrible roommate. Reason why Moses and followers walked in the desert for 40 years: they didn’t want to ask directions and look like freshmen.
The Ten Commandments would actually be only five – double-spaced and written in a large font.
The Last Supper would have been eaten the next morning – cold.
Paul’s letter to the Romans would become Paul’s email to abuse@romans.gov.
A new edition would be published every two years in order to limit reselling.
Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, he would have put it off until the night before to get it done.
Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasn’t cafeteria food.
The reason why Cain killed Abel was because Abel was just a terrible roommate. Reason why Moses and followers walked in the desert for 40 years: they didn’t want to ask directions and look like freshmen.
The Ten Commandments would actually be only five – double-spaced and written in a large font.
The Last Supper would have been eaten the next morning – cold.
Paul’s letter to the Romans would become Paul’s email to abuse@romans.gov.
A new edition would be published every two years in order to limit reselling.