Story Up On Hartford Ridge
- Thread starter Kathy in FL
- Start date
Griz3752
Retired, practising Curmudgeon
I'm sure you're right about the local problems; a reasonable estimate of time to clean house, right wrongs and generally put things right shouldn't take more than....oh, let's say...... about 30-50± more chapters?
sssarawolf
Has No Life - Lives on TB
Wonderful he is home. Thank you.
Cedar Lake
Connecticut Yankee
At a bare minimum, with all that's going on with the Family, The Cousins, girlfriends & wives, a lot to sort out, no doubt will take...................................................................a lot of time.
Not to mention, we don't know what else is coming down from the local people, town and county governments, outside the Ridge.
Unfortunately with the way things seem to be possibly shaping up, especially with all the unknown cliff-hanging variables that only Kathy knows about....
, I believe with that we all should calmly and rationally revisit this major life-altering discussion in the fall of 2025.Once again, Kathy, a Big Thank You...........for starting Up On Hartford Ridge II for your loyal readers.
beaglemama
Contributing Member
Thanks, Kathy! I hope Kay-Lee doesn't make excuses for the family and is honest with Sawyer about what jerks they were.
Chapter 126
January. And I wish I could say Sawyer being home has solved all our problems. I’ll admit it has helped but things are still bad all over.
“Kay-Lee, I am not made of spun sugar.”
“No kidding. You’re too sour for that Barbara. But if you think I can keep my breakfast in my stomach watching you dance up and down those cellar stairs …”
“Oh Lord. Having Sawyer back sure has filled you full of piss and vinegar. Fine. But I won’t be made useless you hear? If you can do it, I can too!”
They could have heard her clear to town. Having watched what the others have gone through I get it. Barbara is pregnant. And her hormones are dancing around and there is no Midol in this world for pregnant crazies. And … mostly she’s scared. She’s starting her last trimester. At least she and Huely are pretty sure she is. She’s yet to see an OB/gyn but there’s no help for it as somehow we found everyone up here on the Ridge is some version of triaged and there simply isn’t an OB/gyn to be had that will see her. Not even by the traveling nurses, or those offering such services for minor injuries for a meal or night on something besides the cold, hard ground. Barbara isn’t the only one in the family in such straights … but at least I’m not one of them.
The other problem we face is that this winter is a bad one. December when Sawyer came home, I was barely getting enough forage to make it worth my while to go out at night and get it. But I did. I dug every burdock root that I could get out of the rocky ground they enjoyed growing in, but the wild ones were smaller than they had been last year and the domesticated ones were long harvested and put away in the root cellar out of reach of the inspectors and harvesters. Frost got the chickweed just like I had feared. It was nothing but damp and wet which was good for oyster mushrooms, problem was that I think it was just too cold for them to grow where they normally would. I found some protected areas but I had to get them fast or a frost would get them and they would rot. Foxtail millet was a gift from God. Without it I don’t know what I would have done to provide some variety in the breakfast cereals I fed everyone sometimes twice a day. I piddled with it last year just to prove I could, this year it was a necessity that didn’t last nearly as long as I could have used it to.
“Kay-Lee. Woman. Please …”
“Sawyer I took care of your stuff while you were gone and …”
“It’s killing me thinking of all you did. But not tonight. You said yourself you can’t cut the millet while it is wet. I’ll go with you tomorrow. In the daylight. After the sun dries the dew. And I swear if I see any of them, there’s gonna be a fight.”
“Sawyer …”
“No. I’m done. The only one that has really helped you besides Uncle Ned and Uncle Mark was Jamison. Jamison! And he’s just doing it ‘cause … ‘cause …”
“Don’t do this Sawyer. Just … let it go and we watch our own backs from here on out. I never really expected help from them. I just didn’t expect … er … Let me fix you a …”
“Uh uh. C’mere. I’m more sorry than … than there is any making up for.”
We’d had this discussion more than a time or two and I was sorry I accidentally brought it up this time. “Don’t let it sour things with Gramps.”
He sighed. “Babe …”
We’ve gone ‘round and ‘round about it but I think his compassion bone finally got strong enough, or twanged enough, that he was willing to meet with a few of his cousins without coming to blows with them. He and Huely both have gone to see Gramps and the Uncles as well. But it isn’t like it was before, and might not ever be that way again. I’m thinking that might not be such a bad thing.
Sawyer had gone from being a “Cousin” to being a man in his own right. One that has seen war and one they now know that had good reason to act as he did before. His physical appearance, the burns and scars, put the final kibosh on any thinking that he was living in the lap of luxury as a contractor. And forcing them to sit while he read the official report of Butch’s actions put the final kibosh on thinking that the man knew what he was about. Oh, there’s some that still seem to behave like where there’s smoke there’s gotta be fire, but they don’t do it where Sawyer and Huely get wind of it. I only hear about it second hand by way of others.
As for me, while I might not feel it is the best to carry around a grudge and refuse to for Sawyer’s sake, I am what you might call playing Switzerland. There’s a few that I’ve seen and tried to be cordial with … Uncle Ned and Uncle Mark of course, but also Jamison when he don’t act like he’s expecting a beating, and Cutter who can be underfoot worse than a bag of puppies. He ain’t trying to schmooze Sawyer or anything, I think he’s just miserable lonely. Beth has gone to stay with her parents a while. Her mother is ill and it isn’t hypochondria like the doctor kept saying. Due to their money and connections they are getting her mental and medical care but help was still needed at home because her father is next to useless in that department. Thing is, Beth might not be coming back for a long while, maybe not ever. As much as they might love one another, they come from very different backgrounds and to be honest while that forbidden love might have helped in the beginning, it’d done the exact opposite right when they need to pull in the same direction the most. Having her parents look down on him and encourage her other thinking hasn’t done much good either. And comparing how much I’ve done to what Beth and some of the other wives has done is doing the least good for some relationships. They use me like an example, like a whip, and then the wives use Sawyer the same way. There are some unhappy households out this way.
We’ve heard more news from Cutter about the family than Barbara and I’ve heard for months. It is the kind of news that Uncle Mark and Uncle Ned wouldn’t share as most of it is “private” or “female stuff” or things they didn’t want to share for worry that it would set it in stone. I can’t blame them. Won’t. Cutter and his TMI can be a bit much to take at times, but he seems to be as bad as Jamison about trying to prove himself to Sawyer, something that makes Sawyer uncomfortable. Sawyer is set apart, he’s still a Cousin and isn’t an Uncle exactly, but is something neither set seems to be able to be for various reasons. And I know it is something the family needs but I’m trying not to be resentful because I know it is also something that Sawyer needs. And he’s finally admitting to it.
Someone that has caught me off guard is Huely and I’m thinking that it was his actions that got Sawyer and Tommy square. Sawyer was angry. He wouldn’t target Tommy with his anger, but he was most definitely angry because he thought if no one else would have kept an eye on me, Tommy would have. But Huely reminded Sawyer that Tommy was like he was for a reason, that both he and Linda have honest deficits and we also found out that Linda’s mom and Tommy’s mom are relying on them quite a bit. Uncle James had what amounts to pneumonia whether it was called that or not. It took almost two months to get she of the last of it but he’s still real tired and has lost more weight than is healthy. That’s how the family found out about the triage order. Linda’s mom was lost and tore up something bad for a while but the Aunts took her in, seeing in her what they might one day be facing themselves. And Linda and Tommy have had some heartache of their own … Linda had a miscarriage. It was real early on. Linda was scared to death and didn’t want to be pregnant right then, having seen what the other wives were going through. But then to not be pregnant, for a while she just couldn’t wrap her head around it.
Jeannie is having even more trouble with this pregnancy than she did with Benny. Benedict does what he can, but his skills are in high demand. He goes to work whenever they national guard shows up to get him and he don’t get home until they bring him and sometimes that means he is gone two or three days at a time working himself to a frazzle. Davis and Cindy are having twins again, boys this time. Uncle Mark has threatened to put a rubber band on Davis and a cork in Cindy if they don’t do what they had to to slow down the baby-making. You could just about hear Cindy all over the Ridge when she told everyone, “I wasn’t trying this time! God just must have a sense of humor or something!” Maybe he does.
I can tell you that Sawyer and I are doing everything but abstaining unless it is a particular date on the calendar. That’s one thing that Barbara and Huely don’t need to worry about and boy they sure aren’t. There’s mornings that Huely looks like he’s been hit by a mack truck and Barbara looks so satisfied that there is not the privacy one might wish.
Speaking of privacy, they’ve talked about moving back to their little house, but I think we all four worked it out that it won’t be ‘til the Spring and until after Barbara has the baby. Things are just too insane and us throwing together makes sure that there is better security – and food – than there was. Even with the National Guard in the area it hasn’t stopped both townies and out of towners from trying to make claims on what little bit we managed to keep for ourselves up on the Ridge. The investigation into the Chief Inspector will never be finished because when he didn’t have anything to pacify folks with, during a riot he got pulled out of the empty warehouse where he was hold up and it didn’t end well. He isn’t the only official that the pitchforks and torches have come for, he’s just the only one that died as a result … at least in our area.
It is now a national law put through by executive order no less, that looters are to be shot on sight. Not can be, but are to be. All the usual suspects have been up in arms over it but those types are also finding they aren’t immune to being drafted and sent overseas. Whether the timing is coincidental or not, it has changed the outlook of enough that the whining, crying, and gnashing of teeth is kept to a minimum.
Here in the Sawyer Hartford home, the only whining heard is from Jolene when Sawyer has to put her down so he can get some work done. Burt doesn’t like him to get far either. It was Burt that tattled on me a bit concerning all my night harvesting and it was Burt that introduced Sawyer and Huely to the “Trolls.” That went over better than I expected but there’s still a caution on both sides that is likely to remain for a while yet, maybe always.
The cold weather here in January has all the stuff I foraged for last year at this time delayed. And the “boxes” as they’ve been euphemistically called have also gone down to once per month and only for those that put in so many “volunteer hours” to get them. We are doing well enough but only because of how much I was able to put away early on, and how much I was able to keep back with none the wiser. The pork has helped piece out things as well. Sawyer’s and Huely’s “pay” also has gone a long way to making things better and throwing in together is making all the above stretch better and go further. And the four of us have also agreed that it is ours and not to be measured out to anyone else in the family.
That discussion was not a pleasant one. Not because we didn’t all agree but because it was hard to see some of the others in the straights they were in.
Sawyer said, “I … I won’t watch any of ‘em starve, but it isn’t going to hurt them to miss some meals. Might motivate them.”
Huely agreed adding in his quiet way that he has settled on, “Most of the ones that really need it … like the ones making babies … are doing well enough even if it is just squeaking by. Jamison I’m worried about, but it looks like his wife is insisting he come back to her and her father is even gonna come get him. Another grown man is welcome to share the workload and I think the rest of it has or will work itself out. And Cutter will let us know if anything else is going on.”
Barbara muttered, “Beth is the one that needs to come home.” More as part of the conversation she said, “Maybe by the Spring the family will be more inclined to take up foraging.”
She’d tattled worse than Burt had and Sawyer was sore upset for a while but we’ve made peace over it. He was taking care of things from one direction, and I was taking care of things from another. So long as our goals were the same we were both just going to have to live with it.
Sawyer did ask me why I didn’t have more to say about the supplies and family. I had to tippy-toe around it but he still knows that I just can’t seem to find the same feelings for most of them that I’d once had. “Maybe in the Spring.”
“What’s happening in the Spring?”
“They’ll need help with the gardens and maybe canning and …”
“They can do for themselves for a while.”
“Sawyer, no hard feelings over me. Please.”
“Oh there’s some of that in there but to be honest Babe, I don’t know if there will be fuel to do much of that the way you all did it before. Not to mention we don’t need to draw attention to things too much. We got shed of that one bastard. Until we can see how it lays with this new man they’ve put in as Chief Inspector we’re gonna play it cautious. Right now he is tied up cleaning house in town. Soon enough, just like before, they are going to look at the farmers up here as a resource to exploit. I wanna see how that runs before I agree to anything else in the family.
So, as irritating and anticlimactic as it may be, having Sawyer home has solved one set of problems but not another. And having him home and the family slowly but surely trying to draw him back in is creating a new set. I have a feeling though some are going to be in for a shock. If I’m different from the way I was when I come up to the Ridge, Sawyer is even more so. He’s been out in and seen the world. He’s seen how people can be, even his own family. He’s a stronger man for it and that right there is probably going to be a real shock to some of the knotheads. Some of the Uncles as well. But strength is what we need, but it isn’t all we need. I can see Sawyer as a new leader in the family, I’m just wondering if they are going to be smart enough to follow him.
January. And I wish I could say Sawyer being home has solved all our problems. I’ll admit it has helped but things are still bad all over.
“Kay-Lee, I am not made of spun sugar.”
“No kidding. You’re too sour for that Barbara. But if you think I can keep my breakfast in my stomach watching you dance up and down those cellar stairs …”
“Oh Lord. Having Sawyer back sure has filled you full of piss and vinegar. Fine. But I won’t be made useless you hear? If you can do it, I can too!”
They could have heard her clear to town. Having watched what the others have gone through I get it. Barbara is pregnant. And her hormones are dancing around and there is no Midol in this world for pregnant crazies. And … mostly she’s scared. She’s starting her last trimester. At least she and Huely are pretty sure she is. She’s yet to see an OB/gyn but there’s no help for it as somehow we found everyone up here on the Ridge is some version of triaged and there simply isn’t an OB/gyn to be had that will see her. Not even by the traveling nurses, or those offering such services for minor injuries for a meal or night on something besides the cold, hard ground. Barbara isn’t the only one in the family in such straights … but at least I’m not one of them.
The other problem we face is that this winter is a bad one. December when Sawyer came home, I was barely getting enough forage to make it worth my while to go out at night and get it. But I did. I dug every burdock root that I could get out of the rocky ground they enjoyed growing in, but the wild ones were smaller than they had been last year and the domesticated ones were long harvested and put away in the root cellar out of reach of the inspectors and harvesters. Frost got the chickweed just like I had feared. It was nothing but damp and wet which was good for oyster mushrooms, problem was that I think it was just too cold for them to grow where they normally would. I found some protected areas but I had to get them fast or a frost would get them and they would rot. Foxtail millet was a gift from God. Without it I don’t know what I would have done to provide some variety in the breakfast cereals I fed everyone sometimes twice a day. I piddled with it last year just to prove I could, this year it was a necessity that didn’t last nearly as long as I could have used it to.
“Kay-Lee. Woman. Please …”
“Sawyer I took care of your stuff while you were gone and …”
“It’s killing me thinking of all you did. But not tonight. You said yourself you can’t cut the millet while it is wet. I’ll go with you tomorrow. In the daylight. After the sun dries the dew. And I swear if I see any of them, there’s gonna be a fight.”
“Sawyer …”
“No. I’m done. The only one that has really helped you besides Uncle Ned and Uncle Mark was Jamison. Jamison! And he’s just doing it ‘cause … ‘cause …”
“Don’t do this Sawyer. Just … let it go and we watch our own backs from here on out. I never really expected help from them. I just didn’t expect … er … Let me fix you a …”
“Uh uh. C’mere. I’m more sorry than … than there is any making up for.”
We’d had this discussion more than a time or two and I was sorry I accidentally brought it up this time. “Don’t let it sour things with Gramps.”
He sighed. “Babe …”
We’ve gone ‘round and ‘round about it but I think his compassion bone finally got strong enough, or twanged enough, that he was willing to meet with a few of his cousins without coming to blows with them. He and Huely both have gone to see Gramps and the Uncles as well. But it isn’t like it was before, and might not ever be that way again. I’m thinking that might not be such a bad thing.
Sawyer had gone from being a “Cousin” to being a man in his own right. One that has seen war and one they now know that had good reason to act as he did before. His physical appearance, the burns and scars, put the final kibosh on any thinking that he was living in the lap of luxury as a contractor. And forcing them to sit while he read the official report of Butch’s actions put the final kibosh on thinking that the man knew what he was about. Oh, there’s some that still seem to behave like where there’s smoke there’s gotta be fire, but they don’t do it where Sawyer and Huely get wind of it. I only hear about it second hand by way of others.
As for me, while I might not feel it is the best to carry around a grudge and refuse to for Sawyer’s sake, I am what you might call playing Switzerland. There’s a few that I’ve seen and tried to be cordial with … Uncle Ned and Uncle Mark of course, but also Jamison when he don’t act like he’s expecting a beating, and Cutter who can be underfoot worse than a bag of puppies. He ain’t trying to schmooze Sawyer or anything, I think he’s just miserable lonely. Beth has gone to stay with her parents a while. Her mother is ill and it isn’t hypochondria like the doctor kept saying. Due to their money and connections they are getting her mental and medical care but help was still needed at home because her father is next to useless in that department. Thing is, Beth might not be coming back for a long while, maybe not ever. As much as they might love one another, they come from very different backgrounds and to be honest while that forbidden love might have helped in the beginning, it’d done the exact opposite right when they need to pull in the same direction the most. Having her parents look down on him and encourage her other thinking hasn’t done much good either. And comparing how much I’ve done to what Beth and some of the other wives has done is doing the least good for some relationships. They use me like an example, like a whip, and then the wives use Sawyer the same way. There are some unhappy households out this way.
We’ve heard more news from Cutter about the family than Barbara and I’ve heard for months. It is the kind of news that Uncle Mark and Uncle Ned wouldn’t share as most of it is “private” or “female stuff” or things they didn’t want to share for worry that it would set it in stone. I can’t blame them. Won’t. Cutter and his TMI can be a bit much to take at times, but he seems to be as bad as Jamison about trying to prove himself to Sawyer, something that makes Sawyer uncomfortable. Sawyer is set apart, he’s still a Cousin and isn’t an Uncle exactly, but is something neither set seems to be able to be for various reasons. And I know it is something the family needs but I’m trying not to be resentful because I know it is also something that Sawyer needs. And he’s finally admitting to it.
Someone that has caught me off guard is Huely and I’m thinking that it was his actions that got Sawyer and Tommy square. Sawyer was angry. He wouldn’t target Tommy with his anger, but he was most definitely angry because he thought if no one else would have kept an eye on me, Tommy would have. But Huely reminded Sawyer that Tommy was like he was for a reason, that both he and Linda have honest deficits and we also found out that Linda’s mom and Tommy’s mom are relying on them quite a bit. Uncle James had what amounts to pneumonia whether it was called that or not. It took almost two months to get she of the last of it but he’s still real tired and has lost more weight than is healthy. That’s how the family found out about the triage order. Linda’s mom was lost and tore up something bad for a while but the Aunts took her in, seeing in her what they might one day be facing themselves. And Linda and Tommy have had some heartache of their own … Linda had a miscarriage. It was real early on. Linda was scared to death and didn’t want to be pregnant right then, having seen what the other wives were going through. But then to not be pregnant, for a while she just couldn’t wrap her head around it.
Jeannie is having even more trouble with this pregnancy than she did with Benny. Benedict does what he can, but his skills are in high demand. He goes to work whenever they national guard shows up to get him and he don’t get home until they bring him and sometimes that means he is gone two or three days at a time working himself to a frazzle. Davis and Cindy are having twins again, boys this time. Uncle Mark has threatened to put a rubber band on Davis and a cork in Cindy if they don’t do what they had to to slow down the baby-making. You could just about hear Cindy all over the Ridge when she told everyone, “I wasn’t trying this time! God just must have a sense of humor or something!” Maybe he does.
I can tell you that Sawyer and I are doing everything but abstaining unless it is a particular date on the calendar. That’s one thing that Barbara and Huely don’t need to worry about and boy they sure aren’t. There’s mornings that Huely looks like he’s been hit by a mack truck and Barbara looks so satisfied that there is not the privacy one might wish.
Speaking of privacy, they’ve talked about moving back to their little house, but I think we all four worked it out that it won’t be ‘til the Spring and until after Barbara has the baby. Things are just too insane and us throwing together makes sure that there is better security – and food – than there was. Even with the National Guard in the area it hasn’t stopped both townies and out of towners from trying to make claims on what little bit we managed to keep for ourselves up on the Ridge. The investigation into the Chief Inspector will never be finished because when he didn’t have anything to pacify folks with, during a riot he got pulled out of the empty warehouse where he was hold up and it didn’t end well. He isn’t the only official that the pitchforks and torches have come for, he’s just the only one that died as a result … at least in our area.
It is now a national law put through by executive order no less, that looters are to be shot on sight. Not can be, but are to be. All the usual suspects have been up in arms over it but those types are also finding they aren’t immune to being drafted and sent overseas. Whether the timing is coincidental or not, it has changed the outlook of enough that the whining, crying, and gnashing of teeth is kept to a minimum.
Here in the Sawyer Hartford home, the only whining heard is from Jolene when Sawyer has to put her down so he can get some work done. Burt doesn’t like him to get far either. It was Burt that tattled on me a bit concerning all my night harvesting and it was Burt that introduced Sawyer and Huely to the “Trolls.” That went over better than I expected but there’s still a caution on both sides that is likely to remain for a while yet, maybe always.
The cold weather here in January has all the stuff I foraged for last year at this time delayed. And the “boxes” as they’ve been euphemistically called have also gone down to once per month and only for those that put in so many “volunteer hours” to get them. We are doing well enough but only because of how much I was able to put away early on, and how much I was able to keep back with none the wiser. The pork has helped piece out things as well. Sawyer’s and Huely’s “pay” also has gone a long way to making things better and throwing in together is making all the above stretch better and go further. And the four of us have also agreed that it is ours and not to be measured out to anyone else in the family.
That discussion was not a pleasant one. Not because we didn’t all agree but because it was hard to see some of the others in the straights they were in.
Sawyer said, “I … I won’t watch any of ‘em starve, but it isn’t going to hurt them to miss some meals. Might motivate them.”
Huely agreed adding in his quiet way that he has settled on, “Most of the ones that really need it … like the ones making babies … are doing well enough even if it is just squeaking by. Jamison I’m worried about, but it looks like his wife is insisting he come back to her and her father is even gonna come get him. Another grown man is welcome to share the workload and I think the rest of it has or will work itself out. And Cutter will let us know if anything else is going on.”
Barbara muttered, “Beth is the one that needs to come home.” More as part of the conversation she said, “Maybe by the Spring the family will be more inclined to take up foraging.”
She’d tattled worse than Burt had and Sawyer was sore upset for a while but we’ve made peace over it. He was taking care of things from one direction, and I was taking care of things from another. So long as our goals were the same we were both just going to have to live with it.
Sawyer did ask me why I didn’t have more to say about the supplies and family. I had to tippy-toe around it but he still knows that I just can’t seem to find the same feelings for most of them that I’d once had. “Maybe in the Spring.”
“What’s happening in the Spring?”
“They’ll need help with the gardens and maybe canning and …”
“They can do for themselves for a while.”
“Sawyer, no hard feelings over me. Please.”
“Oh there’s some of that in there but to be honest Babe, I don’t know if there will be fuel to do much of that the way you all did it before. Not to mention we don’t need to draw attention to things too much. We got shed of that one bastard. Until we can see how it lays with this new man they’ve put in as Chief Inspector we’re gonna play it cautious. Right now he is tied up cleaning house in town. Soon enough, just like before, they are going to look at the farmers up here as a resource to exploit. I wanna see how that runs before I agree to anything else in the family.
So, as irritating and anticlimactic as it may be, having Sawyer home has solved one set of problems but not another. And having him home and the family slowly but surely trying to draw him back in is creating a new set. I have a feeling though some are going to be in for a shock. If I’m different from the way I was when I come up to the Ridge, Sawyer is even more so. He’s been out in and seen the world. He’s seen how people can be, even his own family. He’s a stronger man for it and that right there is probably going to be a real shock to some of the knotheads. Some of the Uncles as well. But strength is what we need, but it isn’t all we need. I can see Sawyer as a new leader in the family, I’m just wondering if they are going to be smart enough to follow him.
sssarawolf
Has No Life - Lives on TB
More than thanks, this was like water to the thirsty. 
Jeepcats27
Senior Member
What a great surprise!!! Thank you! Great story!
223shootersc
Veteran Member
Thanks...., good stuff as usual!
Jeepcats27
Senior Member
Any hope for another chapter? TIA!
223shootersc
Veteran Member
Fooled again! Made me look....
feralferret
Veteran Member
Dang, I thought there may have been a new chapter. We've had over five months of withdrawal. Kathy, I know you have a lot of different stories going at the same time. This has been one of my favorites. Please, when you can, continue this fine story. Thanks.
Catshooter
Contributing Member
Yep. I've read every story she's written and this is my favorite also. Moar wouldn't be a bad thing . . .
I will try. This story keeps running me into walls for some reason. I need to finish Veta 2, take a little break to find the next "voice," and then I'll get on it.
sssarawolf
Has No Life - Lives on TB
I agree with you finish Veta 2 and then you can move on and you won't have this one nagging at you lol.
I have a few in the works on my pc so I understand.
I have a few in the works on my pc so I understand.
I'm going to try and finish this story next. I don't know if I'll be able to post on it every day but there will be at least a couple of additions a week until it is done. Sorry, can't commit to more than that. Busy time of year.
------------------
“Nothing you can do about it Sawyer. They were in a spot and weren’t given any choice.”
I heard Sawyer say, “I know it. I don’t like it, but I know it. And I doubt had I been here would it be different. This just sucks.”
“Agree with you. Reminds me too much of the things we saw while we were contracting. And to think it was Barbara and Kay-Lee. My guts ain’t exactly acting agreeable over what they went through.”
I guess they forgot that the “intercom pipe” works both ways when the ends aren’t plugged. I’d figured there was a reason why the two of them had gone down to the root cellar to do something besides “tinker with the dumbwaiter” to make it quieter as it went up and down. Sure, it dragged and had started squeaking but it isn’t an immediate need like they were making it out to be. On the other hand, I didn’t figure their talk was what it turned out to be.
Sawyer snarled quietly, “I just can’t abide it. They left our wives to fend for themselves.”
“I know it. And if you think I ain’t mad about that you ain’t been listening. Barb … my gawd Sawyer. If not for Kay-Lee I don’t know if I could live with myself. Barb is my only reason for drawing breath. But even with all that … there’s some that might be to blame for the small stuff – that I agree ain’t exactly small – but then you gotta measure it against the big stuff.”
“They were damn stupid.”
“Yes they were.”
“Some of ‘em are still acting damn stupid.”
“Agreed. But most of that is fear and something else I ain’t quite sure what to call it. They’re having to face the big picture and maybe harder, face themselves in the mirror. It’s shook ‘em. It’s shook the Uncles. And it’s shook the Aunts. Some of the wives are still dense as fence posts but since the cousins married some just like ‘em ….”
Not wanting to back off his mad Sawyer came back with, “I nearly can’t get near some of ‘em. When I do all I see is how frail Kay-Lee is.”
Huely snorted. “She may look frail, might even be a little frail, but gawd she out stubborns all the olders and all the uncles combined … and that’s even if you add a couple extry Uncle Marks in there. She was just cool as a cucumber and near about took that guy’s head off that come sneaking up on us. Who’da ever thunk a coal skuttle could do that kinda damage. My Lord. And then to suggest we just dump him down the old outhouse hole and fill it in ‘cause a new hold needed to be dug anyway. You want to know the truth? Makes me wonder what she’s been doin’ and seein’ on some of her nighttime foragin’.”
“Yeah, makes me wonder too. She’s gotten protective as hell of all of us. I bet she could outswat the aunts with a broom.”
“Be about like comin’ up on an AK47 and that’s the dang truth. Your dogs sure are sweet on her but they sure do move when they see that porch broom get in her hands.”
Sawyer snickered for a moment before turning serious again. “Yeah. But I’m worried. This morning she just about turned the color of paste and would have gone down had Burt not handed her that walking stick she’s taken to carrying. The way he done it, seems like it might be a fair more occurrence than she wants me to notice.” He was silent for a moment then added, “Huely, I gotta find a way to get her to put some meat back on her bones. She’s never been much more than an arm full, but now she’s barely a hand full.”
“I hear ya. Both our women need some of them good fats they were always talking about in the Chow Line when they had us spreading lard on our bread instead a butter. All this plant protein this, that, and the other ain’t enough. And tree rats and rabbits ain’t got enough either. You reckon you can talk Kay-Lee into trading some of that mess she’s been making with the rose hips? I’d be willing to take it over to Toby’s and see if we can’t trade for some butter or somethin’.”
“I’ll ask but I promised I’d help get the rest of the hips in before anyone else figured out their value. I know it’s women’s work but …”
“Aw don’t make no never mind about that,” Huely said by way of comforting Sawyer’s pride. “Bet the cousins have been doing their fair share of that sort of thing behind closed doors at their places even if they ain’t admitting to it. And the way some of ‘em is scratched up I’d say some of the wives remember what Kay-Lee taught ‘em last year about this time. Them red berries are practically worth their weight right now. And I’m with you, even if you aren’t sayin’ it, I’d rather be doing over here than have somebody fetch us to come work at an uncle’s place and not be able to say we’ve got our own work to attend to first.”
As if he’d come to some conclusion Sawyer told Huely, “Sounds like a plan. But rather than go ready for a trade, why don’t we just walk over to Toby’s and see if there is anything in particular they need first. I don’t want to trade what we don’t have to. They got all them new cattle from out west to replace what was stolen from them by the old CI, but I heard they’re half-wild and onery and got some long horns on ‘em that make ‘em more dangerous than your average Jersey heifer. Maybe they could use some help fixing their stalls or something. I’d rather trade with muscle than with the food.”
“I like the way you think Brother.”
There was a little more grumbling about the “knotheads” but it wasn’t serious hatred for which I’m grateful. And I did need the help to get the hips in but more before the birds got them all than anyone coming night creeping around “borrowing” things they’ll never return. I don’t know who I’ve got to be appreciative of more for that … the Trolls or the new CI.
The new CI is a different type than the old one was. Yeah, he and his staff did their own surveys but when the question of seed and fertilizer came up as well as fuel for the tractors to do most of the work with he seemed to have already thought of it himself. He’s arranging for their to be work programs but it is going to swing both ways. If we want help to get seeds and that sorta etcetera then we’re going to have to be willing to take on some town people to put ‘em to work so they can earn points to take to some kind of food program. The current stock in the food warehouse comes from leftovers of those boxes … and the stuff that the previous CI had hid that was found. There’s soup kitchens too, but the soup is more broth and bouillon than anything of substance if the rumors are true.
Depending on the number of workers taken on by a farm, you get some discount on property taxes as well. And each work group will also receive some help with security on top of that. While many people are willing to allow as how that program might work, just as many are a little leery. See, nothing comes free. A percentage of the harvest will be given to the CI’s office to help re-fill the food programs and hopefully that broth will have more in it that flavored water.
How will people be encouraged to do farm work? Like I said, nothing comes for free. No more boxes for anyone. Kids must all be in school between the ages of four and sixteen and they’ll get lunch just for attending. If they don’t have more than fixed unexcused absences a quarter and they maintain a C+ daily average they’ll also get breakfast. If they keep an B+/A daily grade average for the week they can participate in some volunteer program and earn extra points that can be used at a special thrift store or they can “bank” the points and use them to pay for afterschool training programs or advanced coursework that earns them college credits. Of course all of that also comes with strings because the more trained you are the more likely you’ll get drafted, either in a civilian works program or into the military type of officer training school.
I was thinking on this when Burt came into the kitchen quietly, not wanting to wake Jolene from her nap. “Aunt Kay-Lee? I … can I …”
“You hungry?”
“Yes’m. I’m hungry bad. I’m sorry. I …” He hung his head and shame and it just about killed me.
“Burt, you’re working like a dray horse. Please don’t feel shame for that.”
“But you don’t eat much. Uncle Sawyer and Uncle Huely don’t eat much either.” He’d taken to throwing Huely in with Sawyer to avoid the confusion of trying to be respectful.
“We aren’t growing kids and I’m not growing a kid like Barb is. Now sit down and will a cup of broth off the beans be enough?”
I saw spit form at the corner of his mouth. “Oh yes’m. I promise.”
I got it and even brought him some of those silly cheese cracker fish but he pulled those to the side and said he was going to save them for Jolene if she behaved.
“You’ll eat those and stop spoiling your sister. She can have one of those dog biscuits if she starts gnawing on you.”
Burt was easily convinced and the “dog biscuits” were actually teething biscuits that came out of one of the last kids’ boxes we received from the food program. They are hard and it takes her forever to chew and soften them up so she can eat them. They’re nasty looking but apparently the flavor suits her better than just fine. I have no idea what I am going to do once they are all gone.
------------------
Chapter 127 (Part 1)
“Nothing you can do about it Sawyer. They were in a spot and weren’t given any choice.”
I heard Sawyer say, “I know it. I don’t like it, but I know it. And I doubt had I been here would it be different. This just sucks.”
“Agree with you. Reminds me too much of the things we saw while we were contracting. And to think it was Barbara and Kay-Lee. My guts ain’t exactly acting agreeable over what they went through.”
I guess they forgot that the “intercom pipe” works both ways when the ends aren’t plugged. I’d figured there was a reason why the two of them had gone down to the root cellar to do something besides “tinker with the dumbwaiter” to make it quieter as it went up and down. Sure, it dragged and had started squeaking but it isn’t an immediate need like they were making it out to be. On the other hand, I didn’t figure their talk was what it turned out to be.
Sawyer snarled quietly, “I just can’t abide it. They left our wives to fend for themselves.”
“I know it. And if you think I ain’t mad about that you ain’t been listening. Barb … my gawd Sawyer. If not for Kay-Lee I don’t know if I could live with myself. Barb is my only reason for drawing breath. But even with all that … there’s some that might be to blame for the small stuff – that I agree ain’t exactly small – but then you gotta measure it against the big stuff.”
“They were damn stupid.”
“Yes they were.”
“Some of ‘em are still acting damn stupid.”
“Agreed. But most of that is fear and something else I ain’t quite sure what to call it. They’re having to face the big picture and maybe harder, face themselves in the mirror. It’s shook ‘em. It’s shook the Uncles. And it’s shook the Aunts. Some of the wives are still dense as fence posts but since the cousins married some just like ‘em ….”
Not wanting to back off his mad Sawyer came back with, “I nearly can’t get near some of ‘em. When I do all I see is how frail Kay-Lee is.”
Huely snorted. “She may look frail, might even be a little frail, but gawd she out stubborns all the olders and all the uncles combined … and that’s even if you add a couple extry Uncle Marks in there. She was just cool as a cucumber and near about took that guy’s head off that come sneaking up on us. Who’da ever thunk a coal skuttle could do that kinda damage. My Lord. And then to suggest we just dump him down the old outhouse hole and fill it in ‘cause a new hold needed to be dug anyway. You want to know the truth? Makes me wonder what she’s been doin’ and seein’ on some of her nighttime foragin’.”
“Yeah, makes me wonder too. She’s gotten protective as hell of all of us. I bet she could outswat the aunts with a broom.”
“Be about like comin’ up on an AK47 and that’s the dang truth. Your dogs sure are sweet on her but they sure do move when they see that porch broom get in her hands.”
Sawyer snickered for a moment before turning serious again. “Yeah. But I’m worried. This morning she just about turned the color of paste and would have gone down had Burt not handed her that walking stick she’s taken to carrying. The way he done it, seems like it might be a fair more occurrence than she wants me to notice.” He was silent for a moment then added, “Huely, I gotta find a way to get her to put some meat back on her bones. She’s never been much more than an arm full, but now she’s barely a hand full.”
“I hear ya. Both our women need some of them good fats they were always talking about in the Chow Line when they had us spreading lard on our bread instead a butter. All this plant protein this, that, and the other ain’t enough. And tree rats and rabbits ain’t got enough either. You reckon you can talk Kay-Lee into trading some of that mess she’s been making with the rose hips? I’d be willing to take it over to Toby’s and see if we can’t trade for some butter or somethin’.”
“I’ll ask but I promised I’d help get the rest of the hips in before anyone else figured out their value. I know it’s women’s work but …”
“Aw don’t make no never mind about that,” Huely said by way of comforting Sawyer’s pride. “Bet the cousins have been doing their fair share of that sort of thing behind closed doors at their places even if they ain’t admitting to it. And the way some of ‘em is scratched up I’d say some of the wives remember what Kay-Lee taught ‘em last year about this time. Them red berries are practically worth their weight right now. And I’m with you, even if you aren’t sayin’ it, I’d rather be doing over here than have somebody fetch us to come work at an uncle’s place and not be able to say we’ve got our own work to attend to first.”
As if he’d come to some conclusion Sawyer told Huely, “Sounds like a plan. But rather than go ready for a trade, why don’t we just walk over to Toby’s and see if there is anything in particular they need first. I don’t want to trade what we don’t have to. They got all them new cattle from out west to replace what was stolen from them by the old CI, but I heard they’re half-wild and onery and got some long horns on ‘em that make ‘em more dangerous than your average Jersey heifer. Maybe they could use some help fixing their stalls or something. I’d rather trade with muscle than with the food.”
“I like the way you think Brother.”
There was a little more grumbling about the “knotheads” but it wasn’t serious hatred for which I’m grateful. And I did need the help to get the hips in but more before the birds got them all than anyone coming night creeping around “borrowing” things they’ll never return. I don’t know who I’ve got to be appreciative of more for that … the Trolls or the new CI.
The new CI is a different type than the old one was. Yeah, he and his staff did their own surveys but when the question of seed and fertilizer came up as well as fuel for the tractors to do most of the work with he seemed to have already thought of it himself. He’s arranging for their to be work programs but it is going to swing both ways. If we want help to get seeds and that sorta etcetera then we’re going to have to be willing to take on some town people to put ‘em to work so they can earn points to take to some kind of food program. The current stock in the food warehouse comes from leftovers of those boxes … and the stuff that the previous CI had hid that was found. There’s soup kitchens too, but the soup is more broth and bouillon than anything of substance if the rumors are true.
Depending on the number of workers taken on by a farm, you get some discount on property taxes as well. And each work group will also receive some help with security on top of that. While many people are willing to allow as how that program might work, just as many are a little leery. See, nothing comes free. A percentage of the harvest will be given to the CI’s office to help re-fill the food programs and hopefully that broth will have more in it that flavored water.
How will people be encouraged to do farm work? Like I said, nothing comes for free. No more boxes for anyone. Kids must all be in school between the ages of four and sixteen and they’ll get lunch just for attending. If they don’t have more than fixed unexcused absences a quarter and they maintain a C+ daily average they’ll also get breakfast. If they keep an B+/A daily grade average for the week they can participate in some volunteer program and earn extra points that can be used at a special thrift store or they can “bank” the points and use them to pay for afterschool training programs or advanced coursework that earns them college credits. Of course all of that also comes with strings because the more trained you are the more likely you’ll get drafted, either in a civilian works program or into the military type of officer training school.
I was thinking on this when Burt came into the kitchen quietly, not wanting to wake Jolene from her nap. “Aunt Kay-Lee? I … can I …”
“You hungry?”
“Yes’m. I’m hungry bad. I’m sorry. I …” He hung his head and shame and it just about killed me.
“Burt, you’re working like a dray horse. Please don’t feel shame for that.”
“But you don’t eat much. Uncle Sawyer and Uncle Huely don’t eat much either.” He’d taken to throwing Huely in with Sawyer to avoid the confusion of trying to be respectful.
“We aren’t growing kids and I’m not growing a kid like Barb is. Now sit down and will a cup of broth off the beans be enough?”
I saw spit form at the corner of his mouth. “Oh yes’m. I promise.”
I got it and even brought him some of those silly cheese cracker fish but he pulled those to the side and said he was going to save them for Jolene if she behaved.
“You’ll eat those and stop spoiling your sister. She can have one of those dog biscuits if she starts gnawing on you.”
Burt was easily convinced and the “dog biscuits” were actually teething biscuits that came out of one of the last kids’ boxes we received from the food program. They are hard and it takes her forever to chew and soften them up so she can eat them. They’re nasty looking but apparently the flavor suits her better than just fine. I have no idea what I am going to do once they are all gone.
Chapter 127 (Part 2)
As for Burt, it wasn’t just the work he was doing that had him hungry, he’s growing like a weed and trying to fill out at the same time. Even I can see he is going to be built a whole lot more like a Hartford than he is a Penny. And the reason why he’s been working like he has I guess is because of the news we got the other day. We’d been debating whether to tell him or not, or at least not right away, when he overheard. I’m sure it wasn’t on purpose, he’d actually tried to not hear it after we got caught betwixt and between making the decision for him.
“Rissa is just gonna hafta … she’s … well she can’t come here. She could hurt Jolene like she threatened she was going to,” he told us in a tone that bordered on militant.
“Now Burt …”
“I mean it Uncle Sawyer. She can’t come here. This is our home now. I mean she didn’t want to be here with us, didn’t want me for a brother and said she’d do things to get away. Those people took her, they can just keep her now that they’ve found her again.”
Sawyer was at a loss but I wasn’t. “I understand how you feel Burt but you need to understand that you don’t have to worry. About Jolene … or your place either. Rissa is too sick to be let free to live on her on and we aren’t set up to police how she behaves. She’s safer where she is at. The letter was just a warning to be on the look out for her but they’ve already found her and that boy she was with.”
“You going to take in her baby?”
That’s what Sawyer and I had been discussing when Burt had walk in on our conversation.
“Honey …”
“You won’t take it ‘cause you think it is going to be born sick?”
“Burt, please let your Aunt Kay-Lee finish.”
I licked my lips and tried to gently explain. “Burt, you know how sometimes the baby animals don’t live no matter how much good care we try and take of their momma’s?”
“Er … yes’m.”
“And how we don’t always know why it happens or why something is wrong with the little animal?”
A little more quietly he answered, “Yes’m.”
“When we called to check on Rissa and to say we hadn’t seen her … they told us a few things including that they’d already found her.”
“The baby … ain’t gonna make it?”
Gently but honestly I explained, “No. The father of the baby has even more wrong with him that Rissa does. It doesn’t necessarily show, but he’s got a lot of inherited genetic problems including for one called Anencephely. And no, I don’t know why it is called that so please don’t ask,” I told him to forestall the deflection I saw forming in his eyes. This was bad enough without him following rabbit trails. “But what I do know is that it affects things like the brain and skull of babies while they are still growing but not born yet. They already did a scan and some blood work and … the baby has it. Plus some other things.”
“What kinda things?”
“Come sit down please.”
“If it is bad …”
“Yeah, it’s bad. Really bad. But the baby doesn’t know any of that. The baby doesn’t really know anything. Most of the baby’s brain hasn’t and won’t develop. Has something to do with something called neural tubes that grow things in us when we are still inside. The other things has to do with bones not growing right and just stuff that means that even if the baby lives long enough to be born, it might die during the birthing …”
“Like that baby goat that had the messed up nose?”
“Yeah. Or like its twin that looked normal but died right after being born because things that didn’t show were wrong with it.”
He was so silent for so long I got more worried than I already was about his reaction. Then he surprised me with some questions that made more sense than I expected. “And they’re sure?”
“Yes.”
“Can they let the baby go to Heaven to be with Mom and Dad so they can take care of it?”
I blinked. “Honey the baby is going to go to Heaven one way or the other. The … the problem with what you are talking about doing is, well, Rissa is too far along. There’s laws and … and it could hurt Rissa to try and … um … let the baby go to Heaven right now even if that is what is going to happy anyway.”
“Well that’s on her ain’t it.”
“Burt!”
He hunched his shoulders. “I … I don’t really want her to hurt it just doesn’t seem fair to that baby.”
“Tell me about it. Your Uncle Sawyer and I have been trying to figure out how to tell you. You are old enough and mature enough that you should be part of the discussion. I mean we could say stuff like, ‘Oh God is going to take care of it’ and then just turn our back. And that is true, God is going to take care of that baby … and Rissa too when she doesn’t get in the way of the things he is doing. But at the same time, just saying it carelessly is … cruel. And thoughtless too. And doesn’t make us look too mature or loving.”
“Rissa isn’t very mature or loving.”
Sawyer stepped in and helped out with that one. “You’re right. But she’s also got a messed up brain that … that isn’t fixable. Do you understand that part?”
“It’s the only thing that lets me … you know … still love her and stuff even if she doesn't love me the same way.” He scrubbed his eyes. “Do I have to talk about this?”
Sawyer looked at me and I could see he was struggling too so I said, “There’s not a whole lot to talk about Honey. But I do have to tell you this next part. See, the doctors were letting us know that … that the baby wasn’t going to make it. After it is born they are going to … to cremate the body. You know what that is?” He nodded. “Well they wanted to know where to send the remains to. We’re going to quietly inter the little girl …”
“It’s a girl?”
“Yes.”
“What’s her name?”
“Haven’t thought about that yet.”
“Then let’s just call her Baby Penny and let Mom and Dad take care of naming her when she gets to Heaven.”
“That’s how you think it should be?”
“Yeah. And then when we go to Heaven it’ll be like a surprise waiting for us.” He stood up looking a little older but surprisingly not sadder. “How can we fix it so we don’t hafta keep sending babies to Heaven for Mom and Dad to look after?”
“Well …” I said clearing my throat. “The doctors said they plan on taking care of that. They’re hoping even that maybe … maybe taking away Rissa’s baby making stuff that also does things like make a mess with her girl hormones in her body, that some of Rissa’s behavioral problems will … will be easier to manage.”
“Good luck with that,” he muttered under his breath. From us he needed confirmation. “But she won’t be able to make babies and … and we won’t keep having to send them to Heaven. For real. Not just to make us feel better and stuff.”
“Correct,” Sawyer answered even though I could tell he was on shaky ground himself.
“Fine. I’ll be a good brother to Rissa … and uncle to that baby … even though they can’t feel the same thing about me ‘cause their brains are broke. I’ll … I’ll help dig the hole the way Uncle Sawyer did for Granny Penny, and I’ll help take care of the spot and all that until it is my turn to go to Heaven and I’ll be able to say I did the right thing when they couldn’t. Now can I stop talking about it? I don’t wanna think about how sad Mom and Dad are going to be when they find out.”
“Oh Honey, there’s no tears in Heaven. The Preacher says so,” I reminded him.
“Even about stuff like this?
“Maybe especially about things like this. It might be a guess on my part, but I think they’ll just take things in stride because they don’t have to deal with this stuff all alone. God is going to wipe out all the bad stuff and the baby won’t be sick or anything once it gets to Heaven. I don’t have all the answers but I … I gotta believe everything in the Good Book or maybe none of it is true. And since it says there’s no tears in Heaven …” I shrugged, at a loss how to explain my feelings on the subject even though I needed to be able to.
“Fine. I’ll do what the Preacher used to say. God can take care of it. But I’ll keep caring because … because I’m supposed to care. I’ll do the right thing. But I don’t want to talk about it. It’s … private. And Jolene is too little but one of these days I’ll try and explain it. But not for a long time.”
Burt went back to the house to “check on Jolene” and Sawyer and I just kinda looked at each other before he said, “Man there are days I’d give a whole lot to be a kid again.”
“I don’t know if I ever was a kid … at least not like you are talking about. But … yeah, there’s days I wouldn’t mind being one. Do we tell the rest of your family?”
He caught how I’d said it but didn’t remark on it. “No. At least not for a while. Might have to say something if we bury the … er … the baby in the family plot. Then again … I just don’t know Babe. I’m about like Burt right now. I don’t wanna talk about it.”
“Then don’t,” I told him with a hug. “All things in their time … or something like that. I’m … I’m just kinda worried about the rest of that phone call.”
“You mean how the doctor said he couldn’t guarantee that Rissa would survive either?”
“Yeah. And the part about her brain is … atrophying. Continuing to deteriorate. Whatever you want to call it. I know they said neither Burt nor Jolene have the genetic markers or whatall those tests were for. But that Rissa and their Uncle Mason do have it.”
“Kay-Lee … I … I just …”
“Sure.” I turned to pick up the basket that I’d brought some scraps in for the chickens.”
“Babe.”
“Stop Sawyer. You haven’t hurt my feelings or anything else. And if I hurt yours, I didn’t mean to. I just had to grow up … different. And I see myself in the mirror every day too.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“It means I know that bad things happen. You can either let them make you stronger … or the opposite. I always wondered why things had to be the way they were for me. But, I think I’m okay with it now because it's meant that we could be together and you don’t have to be alone through all the rotten things life has thrown at you and I don’t have to be alone either. And I can help Burt wit the rotten things he's having to face. I just don’t want to be one of the rotten things life has thrown at you either. So …”
“You. Are. Amazing.”
“Uh … huh?”
“Kay-Lee Hartford, you are about the only reason I get up on some days. I am so … so proud. I … just can’t say it right. Not right now when I got all this other stuff running around in my head. Just don’t leave me.”
“Sawyer I’m right here. You need to just sit or something?”
“No. That’s not what I mean. I mean don’t leave me.”
“I’m not going anywhere. Has someone said …”
“Kay-Lee. Babe. I’m … I’m scared. You’re so thin. And sometimes you … your skin goes gray. Sometimes I wake up just to make sure you’re still breathing and your chest is barely moving. Don’t … don’t leave me. I can’t do this life without you.”
As for Burt, it wasn’t just the work he was doing that had him hungry, he’s growing like a weed and trying to fill out at the same time. Even I can see he is going to be built a whole lot more like a Hartford than he is a Penny. And the reason why he’s been working like he has I guess is because of the news we got the other day. We’d been debating whether to tell him or not, or at least not right away, when he overheard. I’m sure it wasn’t on purpose, he’d actually tried to not hear it after we got caught betwixt and between making the decision for him.
“Rissa is just gonna hafta … she’s … well she can’t come here. She could hurt Jolene like she threatened she was going to,” he told us in a tone that bordered on militant.
“Now Burt …”
“I mean it Uncle Sawyer. She can’t come here. This is our home now. I mean she didn’t want to be here with us, didn’t want me for a brother and said she’d do things to get away. Those people took her, they can just keep her now that they’ve found her again.”
Sawyer was at a loss but I wasn’t. “I understand how you feel Burt but you need to understand that you don’t have to worry. About Jolene … or your place either. Rissa is too sick to be let free to live on her on and we aren’t set up to police how she behaves. She’s safer where she is at. The letter was just a warning to be on the look out for her but they’ve already found her and that boy she was with.”
“You going to take in her baby?”
That’s what Sawyer and I had been discussing when Burt had walk in on our conversation.
“Honey …”
“You won’t take it ‘cause you think it is going to be born sick?”
“Burt, please let your Aunt Kay-Lee finish.”
I licked my lips and tried to gently explain. “Burt, you know how sometimes the baby animals don’t live no matter how much good care we try and take of their momma’s?”
“Er … yes’m.”
“And how we don’t always know why it happens or why something is wrong with the little animal?”
A little more quietly he answered, “Yes’m.”
“When we called to check on Rissa and to say we hadn’t seen her … they told us a few things including that they’d already found her.”
“The baby … ain’t gonna make it?”
Gently but honestly I explained, “No. The father of the baby has even more wrong with him that Rissa does. It doesn’t necessarily show, but he’s got a lot of inherited genetic problems including for one called Anencephely. And no, I don’t know why it is called that so please don’t ask,” I told him to forestall the deflection I saw forming in his eyes. This was bad enough without him following rabbit trails. “But what I do know is that it affects things like the brain and skull of babies while they are still growing but not born yet. They already did a scan and some blood work and … the baby has it. Plus some other things.”
“What kinda things?”
“Come sit down please.”
“If it is bad …”
“Yeah, it’s bad. Really bad. But the baby doesn’t know any of that. The baby doesn’t really know anything. Most of the baby’s brain hasn’t and won’t develop. Has something to do with something called neural tubes that grow things in us when we are still inside. The other things has to do with bones not growing right and just stuff that means that even if the baby lives long enough to be born, it might die during the birthing …”
“Like that baby goat that had the messed up nose?”
“Yeah. Or like its twin that looked normal but died right after being born because things that didn’t show were wrong with it.”
He was so silent for so long I got more worried than I already was about his reaction. Then he surprised me with some questions that made more sense than I expected. “And they’re sure?”
“Yes.”
“Can they let the baby go to Heaven to be with Mom and Dad so they can take care of it?”
I blinked. “Honey the baby is going to go to Heaven one way or the other. The … the problem with what you are talking about doing is, well, Rissa is too far along. There’s laws and … and it could hurt Rissa to try and … um … let the baby go to Heaven right now even if that is what is going to happy anyway.”
“Well that’s on her ain’t it.”
“Burt!”
He hunched his shoulders. “I … I don’t really want her to hurt it just doesn’t seem fair to that baby.”
“Tell me about it. Your Uncle Sawyer and I have been trying to figure out how to tell you. You are old enough and mature enough that you should be part of the discussion. I mean we could say stuff like, ‘Oh God is going to take care of it’ and then just turn our back. And that is true, God is going to take care of that baby … and Rissa too when she doesn’t get in the way of the things he is doing. But at the same time, just saying it carelessly is … cruel. And thoughtless too. And doesn’t make us look too mature or loving.”
“Rissa isn’t very mature or loving.”
Sawyer stepped in and helped out with that one. “You’re right. But she’s also got a messed up brain that … that isn’t fixable. Do you understand that part?”
“It’s the only thing that lets me … you know … still love her and stuff even if she doesn't love me the same way.” He scrubbed his eyes. “Do I have to talk about this?”
Sawyer looked at me and I could see he was struggling too so I said, “There’s not a whole lot to talk about Honey. But I do have to tell you this next part. See, the doctors were letting us know that … that the baby wasn’t going to make it. After it is born they are going to … to cremate the body. You know what that is?” He nodded. “Well they wanted to know where to send the remains to. We’re going to quietly inter the little girl …”
“It’s a girl?”
“Yes.”
“What’s her name?”
“Haven’t thought about that yet.”
“Then let’s just call her Baby Penny and let Mom and Dad take care of naming her when she gets to Heaven.”
“That’s how you think it should be?”
“Yeah. And then when we go to Heaven it’ll be like a surprise waiting for us.” He stood up looking a little older but surprisingly not sadder. “How can we fix it so we don’t hafta keep sending babies to Heaven for Mom and Dad to look after?”
“Well …” I said clearing my throat. “The doctors said they plan on taking care of that. They’re hoping even that maybe … maybe taking away Rissa’s baby making stuff that also does things like make a mess with her girl hormones in her body, that some of Rissa’s behavioral problems will … will be easier to manage.”
“Good luck with that,” he muttered under his breath. From us he needed confirmation. “But she won’t be able to make babies and … and we won’t keep having to send them to Heaven. For real. Not just to make us feel better and stuff.”
“Correct,” Sawyer answered even though I could tell he was on shaky ground himself.
“Fine. I’ll be a good brother to Rissa … and uncle to that baby … even though they can’t feel the same thing about me ‘cause their brains are broke. I’ll … I’ll help dig the hole the way Uncle Sawyer did for Granny Penny, and I’ll help take care of the spot and all that until it is my turn to go to Heaven and I’ll be able to say I did the right thing when they couldn’t. Now can I stop talking about it? I don’t wanna think about how sad Mom and Dad are going to be when they find out.”
“Oh Honey, there’s no tears in Heaven. The Preacher says so,” I reminded him.
“Even about stuff like this?
“Maybe especially about things like this. It might be a guess on my part, but I think they’ll just take things in stride because they don’t have to deal with this stuff all alone. God is going to wipe out all the bad stuff and the baby won’t be sick or anything once it gets to Heaven. I don’t have all the answers but I … I gotta believe everything in the Good Book or maybe none of it is true. And since it says there’s no tears in Heaven …” I shrugged, at a loss how to explain my feelings on the subject even though I needed to be able to.
“Fine. I’ll do what the Preacher used to say. God can take care of it. But I’ll keep caring because … because I’m supposed to care. I’ll do the right thing. But I don’t want to talk about it. It’s … private. And Jolene is too little but one of these days I’ll try and explain it. But not for a long time.”
Burt went back to the house to “check on Jolene” and Sawyer and I just kinda looked at each other before he said, “Man there are days I’d give a whole lot to be a kid again.”
“I don’t know if I ever was a kid … at least not like you are talking about. But … yeah, there’s days I wouldn’t mind being one. Do we tell the rest of your family?”
He caught how I’d said it but didn’t remark on it. “No. At least not for a while. Might have to say something if we bury the … er … the baby in the family plot. Then again … I just don’t know Babe. I’m about like Burt right now. I don’t wanna talk about it.”
“Then don’t,” I told him with a hug. “All things in their time … or something like that. I’m … I’m just kinda worried about the rest of that phone call.”
“You mean how the doctor said he couldn’t guarantee that Rissa would survive either?”
“Yeah. And the part about her brain is … atrophying. Continuing to deteriorate. Whatever you want to call it. I know they said neither Burt nor Jolene have the genetic markers or whatall those tests were for. But that Rissa and their Uncle Mason do have it.”
“Kay-Lee … I … I just …”
“Sure.” I turned to pick up the basket that I’d brought some scraps in for the chickens.”
“Babe.”
“Stop Sawyer. You haven’t hurt my feelings or anything else. And if I hurt yours, I didn’t mean to. I just had to grow up … different. And I see myself in the mirror every day too.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“It means I know that bad things happen. You can either let them make you stronger … or the opposite. I always wondered why things had to be the way they were for me. But, I think I’m okay with it now because it's meant that we could be together and you don’t have to be alone through all the rotten things life has thrown at you and I don’t have to be alone either. And I can help Burt wit the rotten things he's having to face. I just don’t want to be one of the rotten things life has thrown at you either. So …”
“You. Are. Amazing.”
“Uh … huh?”
“Kay-Lee Hartford, you are about the only reason I get up on some days. I am so … so proud. I … just can’t say it right. Not right now when I got all this other stuff running around in my head. Just don’t leave me.”
“Sawyer I’m right here. You need to just sit or something?”
“No. That’s not what I mean. I mean don’t leave me.”
“I’m not going anywhere. Has someone said …”
“Kay-Lee. Babe. I’m … I’m scared. You’re so thin. And sometimes you … your skin goes gray. Sometimes I wake up just to make sure you’re still breathing and your chest is barely moving. Don’t … don’t leave me. I can’t do this life without you.”
SairieBelle
Member
Okay. I have to stop reading at work. I'm crying.
Jeepcats27
Senior Member
Thank you for the new chapters!!!
Siskiyoumom
Veteran Member
Parenting a child with a rare genetic disorder is a life full of surprises and incredible challenges.
We were blessed to get our son’s diagnosis at eighteen months. A terrible disorder that shattered our hearts.
The multitude of stress not knowing, then knowing and getting dire negative prognosis’s, then surpassing those, then learning to just “be” and enjoying the life you have amidst the chaos and trials is a roller coaster ride for sure.
Dr. Ted our pediatrician once told us that we had a zebra kid and like zebras every child with special needs have their own unique stripes and just because the medical genetics text book or specialist says such and such, it does not necessarily mean your child will have that specific outcome.
He told us we were the experts in our son’s life. And that we would always have the final word in whatever treatment or care he got.
Thank you Kathy for working on this story. I too understand how difficult this last chapter must of been to write out.
gjwandkids
Contributing Member
I'm so glad you decided to finish this one next. Thank you.
Lake Lili
Veteran Member
@Siskiyoumom,
Getting my teen's diagnosis was both the best and the worst day. The day we could put a name to his issues and know that they were not progressive, degenerative, communicable but also that they were not "fixable". Being able to say that they were not the result of "poor parenting" or because as a single parent "I needed attention" was a huge relief. We had a label. We fought the good fight with the doctors and then walked away. His health is excellent and he is more heavily impacted by the ADHD/Autism than by his deletion (he is impacted but on the whole it is at the mild end of the spectrum), but he graduated high school, is holding down a full-time job and is hoping to pass the medicals for a career in the Canadian Army's Engineering Corps.
We've come a long way and the hurdles are a long way from being over but I would change nothing, except making things easier for him - but he is a great teen with a wicked sense of humour. I'm blessed.
Lili
Getting my teen's diagnosis was both the best and the worst day. The day we could put a name to his issues and know that they were not progressive, degenerative, communicable but also that they were not "fixable". Being able to say that they were not the result of "poor parenting" or because as a single parent "I needed attention" was a huge relief. We had a label. We fought the good fight with the doctors and then walked away. His health is excellent and he is more heavily impacted by the ADHD/Autism than by his deletion (he is impacted but on the whole it is at the mild end of the spectrum), but he graduated high school, is holding down a full-time job and is hoping to pass the medicals for a career in the Canadian Army's Engineering Corps.
We've come a long way and the hurdles are a long way from being over but I would change nothing, except making things easier for him - but he is a great teen with a wicked sense of humour. I'm blessed.
Lili
Landcruiser
Contributing Member
I've been wanting to see where this one would go....