PLAY The Official 'Just Because' Humor Thread
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packyderms_wife
Neither here nor there.
These three were the best, thank you for sharing!
michaelteever
Deceased
Time to step up, thought I'd share a few.
Michael
Two women were playing golf. One teed off, hit a cracking drive, and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.
The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.
The woman rushed to the man, and immediately began to apologize. "Please let me to help. I'm a Physio-Therapist and I know I can relieve your pain if you'd allow me."
"Oh, no, don't touch it! Maybe the swelling will go down in a few minutes," the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands there at his groin. At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside.
She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, "There. Now how does that feel?"
"Feels great," he replied; "but I still think my thumb's broken."
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Michael
Two women were playing golf. One teed off, hit a cracking drive, and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.
The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.
The woman rushed to the man, and immediately began to apologize. "Please let me to help. I'm a Physio-Therapist and I know I can relieve your pain if you'd allow me."
"Oh, no, don't touch it! Maybe the swelling will go down in a few minutes," the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands there at his groin. At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside.
She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, "There. Now how does that feel?"
"Feels great," he replied; "but I still think my thumb's broken."
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michaelteever
Deceased
This isn't quite a joke, but I still laughed, so I figured, why not.
When asked about what he thinks about General Mattis being confirmed for Secretary of Defense, Rob O’Neill (the man who killed Bin Laden) said, “General Mattis has a bear rug in his home; but it is not dead, it is just afraid to move”.
When asked about what he thinks about General Mattis being confirmed for Secretary of Defense, Rob O’Neill (the man who killed Bin Laden) said, “General Mattis has a bear rug in his home; but it is not dead, it is just afraid to move”.
michaelteever
Deceased
michaelteever
Deceased
I would have given him 100%! Each answer is absolutely grammatically correct, and funny too. The teacher had no sense of humor. He got a 0.
Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die?
* his last battle
Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
* at the bottom of the page
Q3. River Ravi flows in which state?
* liquid
Q4. What is the main reason for divorce?
* marriage
Q5. What is the main reason for failure?
* exams
Q6. What can you never eat for breakfast?
* Lunch & dinner
Q7. What looks like half an apple?
* The other half
Q8. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
* Wet
Q9. How can a man go eight days without sleeping?
* No problem, he sleeps at night.
Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
* You will never find an elephant that has one hand.
Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have?
* Very large hands
Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
*No time at all, the wall is already built.
Q13. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
*Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack.
Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die?
* his last battle
Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
* at the bottom of the page
Q3. River Ravi flows in which state?
* liquid
Q4. What is the main reason for divorce?
* marriage
Q5. What is the main reason for failure?
* exams
Q6. What can you never eat for breakfast?
* Lunch & dinner
Q7. What looks like half an apple?
* The other half
Q8. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
* Wet
Q9. How can a man go eight days without sleeping?
* No problem, he sleeps at night.
Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
* You will never find an elephant that has one hand.
Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have?
* Very large hands
Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
*No time at all, the wall is already built.
Q13. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
*Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack.
Last edited:
michaelteever
Deceased
michaelteever
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michaelteever
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michaelteever
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michaelteever
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michaelteever
Deceased
Sammy55
Veteran Member
I just got this in my email:
Lunch with the Pope
President Trump invited the Pope for lunch on his mega yacht, the Pope accepted and during lunch, a puff of wind blew the Pontiff's hat off, right into the water.
It floated off about 50 feet, then the wind died down and it just floated in place.
The crew and the secret service were scrambling to launch a boat to go get it, when Trump waved them off, saying "Never mind, boys, I'll get it."
The Donald climbed over the side of the yacht, walked on the water to the hat, picked it up, walked back on the water, climbed into the yacht, and handed the Pope his hat.
The crew was speechless. The security team and the Pope's entourage were speechless.
No one knew what to say, not even the Pope.
But that afternoon, NBC, CBS, ABC, MSNBC, CNN reported: "TRUMP CAN'T SWIM!"
So I thought it was really funny when I saw this..... So I just had to post it! LOL!!
Lunch with the Pope
President Trump invited the Pope for lunch on his mega yacht, the Pope accepted and during lunch, a puff of wind blew the Pontiff's hat off, right into the water.
It floated off about 50 feet, then the wind died down and it just floated in place.
The crew and the secret service were scrambling to launch a boat to go get it, when Trump waved them off, saying "Never mind, boys, I'll get it."
The Donald climbed over the side of the yacht, walked on the water to the hat, picked it up, walked back on the water, climbed into the yacht, and handed the Pope his hat.
The crew was speechless. The security team and the Pope's entourage were speechless.
No one knew what to say, not even the Pope.
But that afternoon, NBC, CBS, ABC, MSNBC, CNN reported: "TRUMP CAN'T SWIM!"
So I thought it was really funny when I saw this..... So I just had to post it! LOL!!
michaelteever
Deceased
Since we are on a roll, thought I'd throw this out.
Michael
(kind of crude, but still funny)
One day in the future, Barack Obama has a heart-attack and dies.
He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him.
"I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple of folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."
Obama thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to the first room.
In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. Ted kept diving in, and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over, and over. He dived in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate in hell.
"No," Obama said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer, and I don't think I could do that all day long."
The devil led him to the door of the next room.
In it was Al Gore with a sledge- hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.
"No, this is no good; I've got this problem with my shoulder.
I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day, commented Obama.
The devil opened a third door. Through it, Obama saw Bill Clinton, lying on the bed, his arms tied over his head, and his legs restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.
Obama looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, "Yeah man, I can handle this."The devil smiled and said....
"OK, Monica, you're free to go."
Michael
(kind of crude, but still funny)
One day in the future, Barack Obama has a heart-attack and dies.
He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him.
"I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple of folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."
Obama thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to the first room.
In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. Ted kept diving in, and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over, and over. He dived in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate in hell.
"No," Obama said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer, and I don't think I could do that all day long."
The devil led him to the door of the next room.
In it was Al Gore with a sledge- hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.
"No, this is no good; I've got this problem with my shoulder.
I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day, commented Obama.
The devil opened a third door. Through it, Obama saw Bill Clinton, lying on the bed, his arms tied over his head, and his legs restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.
Obama looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, "Yeah man, I can handle this."The devil smiled and said....
"OK, Monica, you're free to go."
michaelteever
Deceased
I believe I viewed this one here before, or maybe in a different e-mail.
Michael
Three days ago, an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he'd been sitting on a park bench.
He spoke to the Marine standing guard and said, “I would like to go in and meet with President Hillary Clinton.”
The Marine replied, “Sir, Mrs. Clinton is not President and doesn't reside here.” The old man said, “Okay,” and walked away.
The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, “I would like to go in and meet with President Hillary Clinton”.
The Marine again told the man, “Sir, as I said yesterday, Mrs. Clinton is not President and doesn't reside here.” The man thanked him and again walked away.
The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same Marine, saying “I would like to go in and meet with President Hillary Clinton.” The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, “Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mrs. Clinton. I've told you already several times that Mrs. Clinton is not the President and doesn't reside here. Don't you understand?” The old man answered, “Oh, I understand you fine. I just love hearing your answer!”
The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, “See you tomorrow."
Michael
Three days ago, an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he'd been sitting on a park bench.
He spoke to the Marine standing guard and said, “I would like to go in and meet with President Hillary Clinton.”
The Marine replied, “Sir, Mrs. Clinton is not President and doesn't reside here.” The old man said, “Okay,” and walked away.
The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, “I would like to go in and meet with President Hillary Clinton”.
The Marine again told the man, “Sir, as I said yesterday, Mrs. Clinton is not President and doesn't reside here.” The man thanked him and again walked away.
The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same Marine, saying “I would like to go in and meet with President Hillary Clinton.” The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, “Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mrs. Clinton. I've told you already several times that Mrs. Clinton is not the President and doesn't reside here. Don't you understand?” The old man answered, “Oh, I understand you fine. I just love hearing your answer!”
The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, “See you tomorrow."
michaelteever
Deceased
A retired older couple return to a Mercedes dealership where the salesman has just sold the car they were interested in to a beautiful, leggy, busty blonde in a mini skirt and a halter top.
The old man was visibly upset. He spoke to the salesman sharply.
"Young man, I thought that you said you would hold that car till we raised the
$55,000 asking price," said the older man. "Yet I just heard you closed the deal for $45,000 to the lovely young lady there."
"And if I remember right, you had insisted there was no way you could discount this model."
The salesman took a deep breath, cleared his throat and reached for a
large glass of water. "Well, what can I tell you? She had the cash ready,
didn't need any financing help, and, Sir, just look at her, how could I resist?",
replied the grinning salesman sheepishly.
Just then the young woman approached the senior couple and gave the
car keys to the old man.
"There you go," she said.
"I told you I could get that idiot to lower the price!"
"See you later, Dad, Happy Father's day!"
The old man was visibly upset. He spoke to the salesman sharply.
"Young man, I thought that you said you would hold that car till we raised the
$55,000 asking price," said the older man. "Yet I just heard you closed the deal for $45,000 to the lovely young lady there."
"And if I remember right, you had insisted there was no way you could discount this model."
The salesman took a deep breath, cleared his throat and reached for a
large glass of water. "Well, what can I tell you? She had the cash ready,
didn't need any financing help, and, Sir, just look at her, how could I resist?",
replied the grinning salesman sheepishly.
Just then the young woman approached the senior couple and gave the
car keys to the old man.
"There you go," she said.
"I told you I could get that idiot to lower the price!"
"See you later, Dad, Happy Father's day!"
Possible Impact
TB Fanatic
sierra don
Veteran Member
michaelteever
Deceased
For some reason, which I can't actually explain, other than humor is what 'floats my boat'. I want this thread to 'carry on' for a few days/weeks/months.
Laughs truly are the best medicine...
Michael
Here are a few more comics with some witty commentary:
Laughs truly are the best medicine...
Michael
Here are a few more comics with some witty commentary:
Attachments
michaelteever
Deceased
packyderms_wife
Neither here nor there.
packyderms_wife
Neither here nor there.
The one by Rowe is the best!
packyderms_wife
Neither here nor there.
MinnesotaSmith
Membership Revoked
A woman was touring a palace in India. Urgently needing a bathroom, she walked down a dark corridor and mistakenly opened a closet. Inside was an old lamp. Hoping that it would help her find the restroom, she tried to light it.
Suddenly a Djinn appeared in a cloud of tiny dazzling lights. It announced that it would grant her three wishes. "Great," she said, "let me think a moment." The Djinn replied, "Go ahead." The lady said, "Tell me what kinds of things I can wish for." The Djinn answered, "You can wish for material things like money, jewels, cars, boats, or even houses. You cannot wish for intangibles like health, love or wisdom."
"I understand," said the woman, "so listen closely." The Djinn promised he would. "First," said the woman, "I want ten billion dollars." "Sorry," said the Djinn, "but you have already used up your three wishes."
==========================================================
Q: Which is better, true love or a stale doughnut?
A: A stale doughnut. Nothing is better than true love, and a stale doughnut is better than nothing.
==========================================================
Q: What do you get when you cross a crooked politician with a crooked lawyer? A: Chelsea Clinton.
Q: Why should all Democrats be buried alive 100 feet deep? A: Because deep down, they're really good people.
Q: When do Democrats like the idea of a flat tax? A: After it reaches 95%
"The man who can befriend someone who does not like him, is either a politician, and thus cannot be trusted, or a fool, and thus should not be a politician."
If you give three liberals a light bulb what would happen? The first one would say it's causing global warming, The second one would say it's racist, The third one would say it's not a light bulb unless Obama says let there be light.
============================================================
Q: What does a black man have that is two times bigger than what a white man has and gets bigger when he touches a woman?
A: A criminal record
Q: Why does Mike Tyson always cry after he has sex?
A: The mace
Suddenly a Djinn appeared in a cloud of tiny dazzling lights. It announced that it would grant her three wishes. "Great," she said, "let me think a moment." The Djinn replied, "Go ahead." The lady said, "Tell me what kinds of things I can wish for." The Djinn answered, "You can wish for material things like money, jewels, cars, boats, or even houses. You cannot wish for intangibles like health, love or wisdom."
"I understand," said the woman, "so listen closely." The Djinn promised he would. "First," said the woman, "I want ten billion dollars." "Sorry," said the Djinn, "but you have already used up your three wishes."
==========================================================
Q: Which is better, true love or a stale doughnut?
A: A stale doughnut. Nothing is better than true love, and a stale doughnut is better than nothing.
==========================================================
Q: What do you get when you cross a crooked politician with a crooked lawyer? A: Chelsea Clinton.
Q: Why should all Democrats be buried alive 100 feet deep? A: Because deep down, they're really good people.
Q: When do Democrats like the idea of a flat tax? A: After it reaches 95%
"The man who can befriend someone who does not like him, is either a politician, and thus cannot be trusted, or a fool, and thus should not be a politician."
If you give three liberals a light bulb what would happen? The first one would say it's causing global warming, The second one would say it's racist, The third one would say it's not a light bulb unless Obama says let there be light.
============================================================
Q: What does a black man have that is two times bigger than what a white man has and gets bigger when he touches a woman?
A: A criminal record
Q: Why does Mike Tyson always cry after he has sex?
A: The mace
Freeholder
This too shall pass.
It's not really infinite energy because you have to feed the cat!
Kathleen
michaelteever
Deceased
Bump, just for fun.
Plus, I can't remember when I don't appreciate a good laugh, or perhaps a hearty 'laugh out loud' moment.
Michael
Plus, I can't remember when I don't appreciate a good laugh, or perhaps a hearty 'laugh out loud' moment.
Michael
Terriannie
Has No Life - Lives on TB
Terriannie
Has No Life - Lives on TB
packyderms_wife
Neither here nor there.
packyderms_wife
Neither here nor there.
MinnesotaSmith
Membership Revoked
Re Mr. Moobs in the left pic, he'd better be like this guy to not get laughed out of the Sexual Marketplace:
Re the prepubescent-appearing chicklet on the right, if she doesn't ripen, she'd better not run out of kneepads, if she wants to keep any solvent nonpedo >6 guys around longterm.
Saddest funny personal ad ever placed:
"Man with extremely severe premature ejaculation problem wishes to meet "OH D*AMN!! Never mind!".
MtnGal
Has No Life - Lives on TB
Just because...
Why are they all looking and laughing at Michelle Obama on Inauguration day?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=me9fDW7UyZc
Video of Michelle and others (GWB, Hillary) at Inauguration with speech balloons showing what the others are thinking about Michelle being a man.
Why are they all looking and laughing at Michelle Obama on Inauguration day?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=me9fDW7UyZc
Video of Michelle and others (GWB, Hillary) at Inauguration with speech balloons showing what the others are thinking about Michelle being a man.
packyderms_wife
Neither here nor there.
packyderms_wife
Neither here nor there.
packyderms_wife
Neither here nor there.
packyderms_wife
Neither here nor there.
I'm thankful I have already finished supper!
packyderms_wife
Neither here nor there.
I'm guessing the vet was probably thinking the same thing.
