Chapter 75 (Part 2)
Leaning against the table before sitting down Clint chuffed a laugh and said, “You know, at this rate you’ll use all of your tags before I will.”
Trying not to act like a crazy person I said, “That broccoli was going to be yours and Carra’s dinner.”
“And don’t I love your broccoli and cheese casserole. But … er … anyway, what would you think of rebuilding the old fencing around the kitchen garden?”
Thoughtfully, giving him points for trying not to have a whole lot to say about the shot I made from the porch, I asked as I tried not to beat the biscuit dough like a dominatrix, “There was a fence around the kitchen garden?”
“Yep. When I was a boy you could still just make out the foundation where the posts were set. I went looking but they’ve completely rotted away but there’s some old pictures that show what it looked like. From the ground up to three feet there was a short brick wall. In some of the older pictures you can tell that it used to be two parallel walls with dirt between them. The fence was set in the dirt between the two short walls and then flowers and things were grown in the dirt that climbed up the fence. In some pictures it looks like they planted sun flowers. Other pictures it might have been some type of fruiting vine, can’t tell for sure. So, what do you think?”
I sighed in longing. “It would be nice to have something like that, but it isn’t an expense we need. That much brick is bound to be expensive.”
“It would be if we were using new bricks,” he agreed. “But we are going to have a pile of bricks here pretty soon and I’d rather them go direct into a new project rather than having to find a place to store them. And there’s some old fencing in there that can also be repurposed.”
“What project? I mean what re-claimed bricks and fencing?”
“As soon as the new pergola is finished, I’m going to have the brick barn around the old greenhouse dismantled so that we can start using it again. I thought it would be a hard sell at the Board Meeting but there’s some real interest by some in the family, and for more than just hot house flowers. A bunch in the family want to have a garden this coming Spring, either their own or a cooperative one, and it will be better if we can grow our own starts than having to try and get them at the co-op. The setup we have right now just won’t suffice if we are trying to provide seedlings for both the commercial Estate needs and individual family wants. There was also mention of trying to grow dwarf tropicals in large planters though I’m not sure how much of a return that would bring.”
“What does Cody have to say? Anything?” I asked wondering if it was going to be a conflict of interest.
“He supports the idea. The co-op in town can rarely keep up with demand as it is. And with drought, and now harsh winter, going on where they normally get most of their Spring stock, we’ll be much better off not being dependent on a source outside the Estate. Cory says prices are definitely going to rise and variety and number will be falling at the same time. Lacey has already made the suggestion that we order seeds early. Have you got your order ready?”
“I have a list.”
“Would you mind working on that tonight? And don’t leave out those flowers you want.”
“How did you …?” I gave him a look. “That was just something I was sketching out to kill the time. It wasn’t meant for you to take seriously. Or at least not seriously right now.”
“Well I seriously like it. And so does Lacey.”
Surprised I yelped, “You showed her?!”
“Yes I did,” he said in satisfaction. “She knew all of the plants that you had sketched in and said you’d picked and I quote ‘good uns’ especially where you want to address some of the erosion that is showing up on the terraces and near the river ramp. She liked your idea of seeding the surrounding forest with them daylilies and growing the edible flowers up closer to the house though it is likely to draw deer in so we’ll need to plan for it. She isn’t sure about a couple of the fruit trees and vines you want to try but that’s mostly because she hasn’t heard of them … all but the kiwis. She said ‘them fuzzy things’ give her the shivers.”
I had to grin at Clint’s getting Lacey’s backwoods speech down to a T. Then had to become more serious when he said, “You’re going to work yourself to death trying to take care of all of what you want.”
“It will take a couple of years for all of it to start fruiting, except for maybe the brambleberries. The plan is for the plants that I am using to gorilla garden with – like the daylilies – to be self-sustaining or at least very low maintenance. I hope by the time things reach a regular harvest schedule that some in the family – certainly Sylvia Crocker – will be interested in foraging.”
“Good luck with that,” Clint groused. “And don’t be disappointed if they add you to my side of the crazy ledger.”
I shrugged as I’d already considered it and frankly didn’t really care. “Their loss. I still think it is a good thing to start cultivating the surrounding forest as much as possible. I really can’t see us continuing to buy so much as was done this past year. For one, the news makes it sound like prices are really going to go up because of the bad weather affecting crops, for two there is whatever it is with the GMO crops. And for another thing, all of the restrictions on herbicides and fertilizers by the eco-crazies.”
“And for another,” he added a tad stiffly. “There’s the fact you don’t think the budget will be there.”
It took me a moment to catch what he meant. To head off yet another tiff about money I told him, “My job is to make it easier on you, not to be the inspiration for spending more money.”
“I thought we agreed that just because people still call you my housekeeper that …”
I interrupted him by saying, “Then don’t call it a job – though that bothers me none at all – say it is my calling. Clint, try and understand, it is the way I was raised. And personally, I think penny pinching is sexy.”
He looked upset for about two seconds before a satisfied male grin bloomed on his face. “Sexy huh?”
“Yes.”
Then he snorted, caved at least temporarily, and said, “Fine. I can live with sexy. Just don’t short your own plans just because you are worried about the damn budget. I’ll figure it out.”
Trying not to sound as irritated as I was about the subject coming up again I told him, “
We’ll figure it out … and one way that happens is if I use some commonsense. Please don’t turn this into one of those circular arguments we’ve been falling into recently. You aren’t hurting my feelings or making me think less of you because we don’t have plans to spend money like it is water. It gave me the heebie jeebies when I found out just how much was being spent before. And we don’t need to spend it that way now that we’ve gotten out ahead of the next year. And the reason we were able to do that is at least in part of your suggestions which were good ones and I want to keep the same cycle so we can stay ahead. My goal is to always be a year or two ahead in the areas that I can help in … and not be a burden in the areas I can’t do anything about. As far as anyone in the family joining us in foraging? Like I said, I hope they do but their loss if they don’t. If nothing else, being your partner means I need to set an example of how to properly use the resources that the Estate generates. I may not know what I’m supposed to do otherwise, but that I can certainly wrap my head around and set as a goal.”
He got a thoughtful look on his face before asking, “That part still bothers you?”
“Which part?”
“What your place is here on the Estate.”
I sighed and slid the biscuits into the oven. “My place is to help you do what you do … and sometimes that is going to mean help by getting out of the way and staying out of the way.”
“Now wait a …”
“Clint, I’m not feeling sorry for myself or angry about it or whatever you think and is putting those frown lines on your forehead.”
Just this side of angry again he asked, “Then why in the Sam Hill would you say something like that?”
“Because I’m trying to be honest and realistic. There are things that I can be good at. Things I’ve taught myself to be proficient in out of necessity and turned out to actually enjoy them; taking care of the Big House, keeping our projects organized, budgeting for our projects here at the Big House and on your land. The garden. Foraging. Helping with Carra. I can see myself doing those things and enjoying them for eternity. Then there are things that I know I can help with simply because of my previous experience … like suggestions I made for the Estate school, the inventory that you and Reave need for the Trust, entertaining your business associates with meals or by performing. I … I admit those things help me with my self-esteem issues or whatever labels you want to hang on my hang ups. Beyond that? It doesn’t worry me as much as it used to because I have found places that I can help with. But sometimes I worry that …”
“That?”
“That you or your aunts or some of the other family are going to expect me to buy into the family by having a business of my own like most of them do. I … I don’t know … I mean …”
Clint relaxed at the same rate that I was getting nervous. He told me nonchalantly, “Don’t worry about that.”
“Don’t worry about it?! It has kept me up more than a few times. And I keep telling myself the same thing that you’ve told me before … that Rome wasn’t built in a day … but all I really want to do is my part here at …” I stopped, took a breath and then barreled on with the truth. “Right now all I can think about or want to do is what I came here to do in the first place. Take care of the Big House and make your life a little less stressful where I can help. I don’t want to be one of your aunts. I’m sorry Clint, I just don’t.” The timer went off and while I took dinner out I said, “I know I sound small minded. I understand the Estate is a package deal. I don’t get you without having to accept it … and all the people that live and work here who depend on you. I recognize it is a huge responsibility, and I seriously doubt that anyone else could do it as successfully as you handle things and that it is going to take up a lot of your life just by the nature of how that all works. And, no, I don’t resent the Estate so don’t start thinking that. It’s just when it comes right down to it … I want to be Mrs. Clint Haines, not Mrs. Haines Estate.” I stopped and shook my head. “I must sound ridiculous. I just don’t know how else to say it right now.”
“You don’t sound ridiculous,” he said pulling me into his arms. “And Rome wasn’t built in a day. If all you want to take on is what you’ve told me about that’s fine with me. I didn’t want this position despite all of Grandfather’s pushing, but now I’ve got it I honestly can’t imagine my life different, or at least for the most part though there are things I would like to change. And as for this? I want you here because you want to be, not because you feel you aren’t being given any choice. Some day you may find that you’ve taken on different parts, but I won’t force you or push you. Just stand by me.”
“Of course,” I told him, grateful that he wasn’t assuming anything. And frankly I didn’t know what that “anything” might be. The Aunts all seemed, if not territorial, certain of their positions in the family and who they planned on taking over for them when the time comes. None of them need me. Perhaps if they did, I’d feel differently but then again, maybe not. I’m secure here, I’m not sure I could feel that way about anything, or any place, else on the Estate. But as Mom was fond of saying, ‘never say never’.”
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