Rednecks in space

Knoxville's Joker

Veteran Member
Announcer: with all the expansion of space exploration we are going to have one eventuality: the need for intuitive and ingenious rednecks in space. Here are some stories of what might happen.

Astronaut: Houston, its dark up here. Wait a minute break 10.

Astronaut: Jimbo broke into the freeze dried chili and ate all of it and now he just broke the space john.

Mission Control: what about the EVA repairs you had scheduled?

Astronaut: Billy Bob is out there doing it now. He also ripped into the freeze dried chili and has discovered a new propulsion unit via alterations to his space suit. He claims the methane production is more efficient than the existing propulsion unit, and the fact the stench had to go somewhere.

Mission Control: So he is using rear based propulsion now?

Astronaut: So far. And the bailing wire and duct tape we brought up has been working rather well at keeping things together.

Mission control: we are surprised how the ingenuity is keeping the repairs well under budget.

Astronaut: I never knew we would have brought down home repair styles out of this world.

Mission Control: Indeed. We are detecting some temperature anomalies in hydroponics, care to explain?

Astronaut: Well, Cletus thought the wheat experience was stupid so he mothballed your space probe that would study mold growth in space to turn it into a still. He was obsessed with making a high gravity beer in zero-g as then it would be a no gravity beer and he could drink it as his doc told him no high gravity beers going forward.

Mission Control: You are aware the last time he had a high gravity beer off base he outed what he thought was a communist sympathizer stealing state secrets.

Astronaut: Oh, that fun fight. I never saw so much kung fu flu on by me that night. But remember we did apolize greatly for exposing the triple agent and did help set him up next door to popcorn Sutton’s old place.

Mission Control: Yes, but his rocket fuel is endangering our hydrazine monopoly. And the fact that you can also drink It to and one shot gets you drunker than a Klingon on blood wine with no hang over.

Astronaut: I though it got you drunker than an alcoholic Vulcan on Romulan ale.

Mission control: So we are making moonshine in space now? You know how out of the world on contract that is for you.

Astronaut: Well I think them aliens have got mind probes on us cause just as soon as he finished his batch some grey fellers docked and came knocking looking for some rocket fuel.

Mission Control: so you had first contact and did not clear it with us first?

Astronaut: Well they did just appear all of a sudden and Cletus is all about servicing guests and that great visitor experience. I just never thought it would go so out of this world especially after those fellers tried a taste test of his latest brew. I thought mind storms were all mental but these fellers brought it to a whole new level.

Mission Control: so we got some drunk aliens onboard now?

Astronaut: I don’t know if they are drunk or just spaced out. They did give us the keys to their ship before taste testing and I thought our quarters were cramped with stuff. But we did find what happened to aunt Betties’ missing cow parts. And then there were all of these really weird looking probes.

Mission Control: So you just verified that they were responsible for cow mutilations and human probing?

Astronaut: I was just as dumbfounded as you when we uncovered that. Do you want me to keep them sloshed long enough to stuff them in the soyuz and send them down your way?

Mission Control: Do you think you can fly the ship back home?

Astronaut: There hasn’t bee a moving vehicle I haven’t been unable to figure out to date

Mission Control: But, you also hold the world record for most expensive crashes

Astronaut: Those were not crashes those were works of modern art, it just coincided with my learning curve that aided in the quick creation

Mission Control: Well this time when you land pick a corn field near a base. Last time you tried to land on base you made the tank inventory look like a 2 year old just destroyed his toy army.

Astronaut: Want me to make any crop circles before I land? I could really mess with some skeptics…

Mission Control: If you are seen it is your posterior. We ran out of IOUs with the last advanced aircraft you showed off in.
 

OldArcher

Life = Synergy of Spirit, Air, Water, Earth, Fire
Yee-Haaa! Think Dr. Travis Tayor, and the Rocket City Rednecks! All gool ol' boys, with PhD's outta th' wazoo! Good job, Knoxville's Joker! Thanks for the good laugh!

Blessed Be

OldArcher, Nordic Inspired Witch
 

Knoxville's Joker

Veteran Member
Yee-Haaa! Think Dr. Travis Tayor, and the Rocket City Rednecks! All gool ol' boys, with PhD's outta th' wazoo! Good job, Knoxville's Joker! Thanks for the good laugh!

Blessed Be

OldArcher, Nordic Inspired Witch
Check out my other rednecks skits in this section. The Redneck Ghostbusters is even more epic.
 
Top