OT/MISC Please help me from killing my husband

Jubilee on Earth

Jubilee on Earth

Veteran Member
In the spirit of preparedness, I decided to plant my biggest garden yet. I ordered a variety of heirloom seeds and three weeks ago spent an entire day planting seeds. I have two large tray filled with seedlings that all germinated wonderfully.

The last 3 days, I’ve been putting the trays under the back walk out deck where they could get some sun and wind to harden off, but they were still relatively sheltered. Each night though, I brought them inside the (heated) basement.

This morning my husband was down there messing around with some stuff, and when he came back in he told me that he pulled out my trays for me and set them out so I didn’t have to. Okay, that was nice.

Just now I went down there to bring the trays in for the night, and they are decimated. He pulled them all the way out and set them on the grass out from the shelter of the overhead deck because he thought they could “use a little rain.” Yeah. All day long we had massive thunderstorms and a deluge of rain, easily an inch of rainfall. The seedlings are all flattened down, roots exposed, dirt all washed out.

I know he was just trying to help and I’m trying really hard to find a spirit of mercy and forgiveness, but I want to throttle him. He felt really badly, but he’s one of those that always thinks everyone else is doing it wrong and in his words, “They looked a little dry” and he wasn’t sure I was watering them properly.

I’ve been gardening for a decade now, and he hasn’t. So he got an earful. Some tears, too.

I’m pretty sure I’ll have to start from scratch with most of them, but have any of you had experience with this kind of thing? Will any of them be salvageable, do you think? I drained all the water out (an insane amount) and added dirt, but these little guys only just sprouted two weeks ago.

Help?
 
D

Dozdoats

On TB every waking moment
Sounds like marriage to me. :D

Starting over is likely your best bet, if you have more seedling trays. You might be able to salvage some of the early seedlings if you can spare their trays for a bit and manage the work.

The road to where is paved with what? :D I have found it wise to check on spousal volunteer work, just to be on the safe side.....

Good luck!
 
L

Luddite

Veteran Member
I bet you'll be surprised how many recover. Look at it as a learning experience for you both. It is early in the season, although I don't know where you live.

Consider that maybe this was just a chance for you to space your crop out by having different harvest dates.

If DW culled me for even 10% of my bone-head mistakes I'd be looonnnng gone.
 
mzkitty

mzkitty

I give up.
Yeah, my son was trying to help today and broke my bedroom lamp. With his elbow. Wasn't watching what he was doing. I just told him you owe me a new lamp. He felt really bad. But the lamp was only $10 so it didn't matter that much, you know? It wasn't like he dropped a Ming vase or something.
 
Milkweed Host

Milkweed Host

Veteran Member
Wow, that is a major NO,NO............I would be extremely pissed if my wife touched or
looked at my my precious plants the wrong way.........

He does need to be punished. No prepared meals for him, one week...Sleep in the
basement or barn, which ever one makes him feel the most uncomfortable.......

He was very bad here......If you don't correct his behavior, you are only encouraging it.
 
Freeholder

Freeholder

This too shall pass.
One time I planted a large chunk of garden while my husband was at work. He came home and, without checking with me to see what I had done, turned it all and planted other things there. I quit working in the garden for a long time after that (I was already having health problems, and that had been a major effort on my part). Sometimes it’s best to have clearly delineated responsibilities, and don’t so much as lay a finger on the other person’s stuff without checking with them first.

Kathleen
 
Sam I Am

Sam I Am

Inactive
So you, a ten year gardener, trusted a zero time gardener around your plants?

I suppose if you let a toddler drive your car it would be the toddlers fault they got into an accident.

No, no newbies remotely near my plants without direct supervision.
 
Jubilee on Earth

Jubilee on Earth

Veteran Member
Sam I Am said:
So you, a ten year gardener, trusted a zero time gardener around your plants?

I suppose if you let a toddler drive your car it would be the toddlers fault they got into an accident.

No, no newbies remotely near my plants without direct supervision.
Click to expand...

Yeah, I mean it was pulling them out from the shelf inside and placing them onto the cement patio outside. He’s seen me do it, and it wasn’t rocket science. I thought he could handle it, but I guess not. Lesson learned!
 
mzkitty

mzkitty

I give up.
mzkitty said:
Aw. What a drag.......... LOL, you could always hint you'd like a new diamond or something to make you feel better.

:rs:
Click to expand...

I missed my calling. I never asked for jewelry. But the lady at the smoke shop must have 5 big diamonds on 5 different fingers. I told her her rings were beautiful. She said, "Well, that's what I got for putting up with 30 years of marriage."

:lol:
 
D

Double_A

TB Fanatic
mzkitty said:
Yeah, my son was trying to help today and broke my bedroom lamp. With his elbow. Wasn't watching what he was doing. I just told him you owe me a new lamp. He felt really bad. But the lamp was only $10 so it didn't matter that much, you know? It wasn't like he dropped a Ming vase or something.
Click to expand...

oops replied to wrong post..sorry.
 
D

Double_A

TB Fanatic
Jubilee on Earth said:
Yeah, I mean it was pulling them out from the shelf inside and placing them onto the cement patio outside. He’s seen me do it, and it wasn’t rocket science. I thought he could handle it, but I guess not. Lesson learned!
Click to expand...

Yea, I gotta keep telling myself...and it's damm hard, just to "let it go". But he's your partner and you have to forgive.... unless he "Intended" to do that, knowing the probable outcome. In that case watch the movie "I Married an Axe Murderer" for helpful hints. But you'll laugh so hard you'll forget everything (for a day).
 
F

Faroe

Un-spun
Freeholder said:
One time I planted a large chunk of garden while my husband was at work. He came home and, without checking with me to see what I had done, turned it all and planted other things there. I quit working in the garden for a long time after that (I was already having health problems, and that had been a major effort on my part). Sometimes it’s best to have clearly delineated responsibilities, and don’t so much as lay a finger on the other person’s stuff without checking with them first.

Kathleen
Click to expand...
This!!!
Then, start fresh, and TRY to forget about it.
 
JMG91

JMG91

Veteran Member
I have this problem with everyone. :lol: Be it my husband, my toddler, my darn geese, my husband's brothers, everyone is out to destroy my plants. For the past three years, I have been largely unsuccessful establishing anything because they always get run over, stepped on, dug up ("I thought it was just a weed!"), eaten, you name it. I've since learned that, no matter how basic a concept I think it is, I always tell my husband not to throw certain things out, step on them, dig them up, re-organize them, etc. It saves me from wanting to kill him on a daily basis. :rofl:
 
changed

changed

Preferred pronouns: dude/bro
Jubilee on Earth said:
In the spirit of preparedness, I decided to plant my biggest garden yet. I ordered a variety of heirloom seeds and three weeks ago spent an entire day planting seeds. I have two large tray filled with seedlings that all germinated wonderfully.

The last 3 days, I’ve been putting the trays under the back walk out deck where they could get some sun and wind to harden off, but they were still relatively sheltered. Each night though, I brought them inside the (heated) basement.

This morning my husband was down there messing around with some stuff, and when he came back in he told me that he pulled out my trays for me and set them out so I didn’t have to. Okay, that was nice.

Just now I went down there to bring the trays in for the night, and they are decimated. He pulled them all the way out and set them on the grass out from the shelter of the overhead deck because he thought they could “use a little rain.” Yeah. All day long we had massive thunderstorms and a deluge of rain, easily an inch of rainfall. The seedlings are all flattened down, roots exposed, dirt all washed out.

I know he was just trying to help and I’m trying really hard to find a spirit of mercy and forgiveness, but I want to throttle him. He felt really badly, but he’s one of those that always thinks everyone else is doing it wrong and in his words, “They looked a little dry” and he wasn’t sure I was watering them properly.

I’ve been gardening for a decade now, and he hasn’t. So he got an earful. Some tears, too.

I’m pretty sure I’ll have to start from scratch with most of them, but have any of you had experience with this kind of thing? Will any of them be salvageable, do you think? I drained all the water out (an insane amount) and added dirt, but these little guys only just sprouted two weeks ago.

Help?
Click to expand...

You realize if anything happens to him in real life you posted this on the internet?
 
J

JenJen

Member
Few years ago took cuttings from rosemary plants. Have two large urns perfect for rooting. Came home from wandering the roads, checked on progress. They were gone. Hon, where are the little plants? Thought those were weeds. Pulled and threw away. I don't think he was sorry enough.
 
S

steve graham

Veteran Member
Jubilee on Earth said:
Totally! That’s how I feel about them for sure.
Click to expand...
OMG! I've had it happen to me. I'm the gardener and I know what I'm doing......when someone just takes it on themself to tell me how to garden, and then proceeds to totally ruin all of my work, I'm pissed......really bad.....and I've had it happen more times than I even want to remember. I'm so sorry, and I'm grieving with you. Of course you can start over, but the pain of what you lost just doesn't go away.....I know I'm ranting....and I could rant a lot more but I will spare you all and shut up now
 
jward

jward

passin' thru
Whatcha gonna do with them men eh? Love em to pieces is always the best answer to that, I think :D I might throw a lil tornadic activity type moment or three, to burn off the emotion. Then apologize and get to the heart of the matter which would be that I was scared and feeling unsure I could meet the needs of everyone depending upon me. Then he'd remind me whatever was coming, he'd be right there beside me and we would meet it together. Then he'd probably come home with a flat of veggies, or truck full of fruit trees, his eyes a shinin' cause he got to be my hero.

Take this time to share your deepest fears, and love- it strengthens us for what is yet to come, and you will never ever regret taking a moment and turning it into an opportunity to deepen your bonds. When alls said and done, this is what gets us through. Easy love is no more substantial than cotton candy, and even less nourishing. Lovin' thru the day to day annoyances is what feeds us, and those who watch us to learn how to do it and what it's all about.
 
AlaskaSue

AlaskaSue

North to the Future
Yes, you will recover. You are many miles south of me - I literally just put seeds in the starts medium today for planting in May. Try again and have mercy..he was ignorant but trying to be kind - that would go a long way in my book. How lovely for you <3 I only have - at most - 90 days for growing. You really can do this, you have the extra grace of a warmer clime. Hey, we may end up planting outside the same time in May but I'm sure your harvest will exceed anything I can do. Bless you - be safe!
 
L

LawPoet

Contributing Member
These are "trying times" and it is appropriate and charitable to appreciate that good people are not thinking or acting as they might under ordinary circumstances. Most are not even aware of their impaired mental or emotional state. Seriously. So, we give them extra consideration, trusting that when life stops sucking so much, they will become, again, the usually sane and pleasant family and friends we knew and trusted.
 
Lee2

Lee2

Senior Member
Well, I've had all sorts of problems with hubby just like that:p. Tears, recriminations, then the hard part - forgive and move on.

But the best story about gardening I have involves my son. We planted a tomato plant (this was a few years ago) and it was growing a little but not producing. Son got out in the backyard with the lawn mower and his ear buds, not watching what he was doing, and ran over the garden and tomato plant. Was broken up about it but hey it was not doing much. I figured it was dead. Later that plant began to grow and produce the best tomatoes you ever saw! Have never had such good tomatoes again. The "lawn mower treatment" must have kick started something.

So maybe your plants will be better for wear;). You never know - just keep working with them.
 
CaryC

CaryC

Has No Life - Lives on TB
Groucho said:
Number 2, HEY HUSBAND, START WASHING THE DISHES!! No hubby has never been shot by his wife when he's doing the dishes.
Click to expand...

While that may be a valid point. It's not my reason. My reason: Sherree cooks, I eat. WE BOTH dirty the dishes, so we both do the dishes. I wash, she rinses. We started out the other way around, but I didn't know where all the stuff went.

On the other hand it's not that he's a dummy. He has his way of doing things and she has hers. One way isn't necessarily right or wrong. However in this case it may be due to lack of experience - where does this go in the cabinet? How does a woman change a flat? By exposing a leg. Just different way of doing things.

One of the things that go along way is better communication, and taking nothing for granted. Then double check.

On a more serious note. Depending on the devastation, they may actually come back out. Use your best judgement it will be alright.

BTW in these times of lockdown, there may be more divorces than babies.
 
W

WalknTrot

Veteran Member
Try to rescue what you can. Those plants might be tougher than you think.

He only thought he was trying to help, but I have observed over the years that there is usually only ONE master gardener/deep green-thumb in each family. That person has to ride close herd on "the help". ;)

Added: That's why I always LMAO when people say they will hand stragglers a hoe if they get unplanned boarders during SHTF. WE can tell the difference between tiny broccoli and cabbage seedlings by the cut of the leaf, without a passing thought. The rest of the world just see's pigweed!
 
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