PLAY Kids say the darndest things

[Crusty Echo 7]

Hello everyone,

Thought we need a thread for a good laugh.
Doesn’t matter if this is for kids, grand kids just what kids say.

 

[Crusty Echo 7]

When my oldest was 4, we were talking about how cold winter was and introducing him to reading temperatures.

One Day he saw 0 and asked “Daddy, is it cold enough to freeze a fart?”

 

[Luddite]

One of mine was about 4. We had a calf penned up and we were bottle feeding it. After about a week both the calf and the 4 year old have the routine perfected.

Calf was named "bully".
I'm within earshot doing other things and I hear,
"Oh Bully, one day you'll be delicious "

I have a picture taken just minutes before that exchange of the bottle stuck through the gate and everybody is smiling. Wouldn't trade that memory for all the gold that's supposed to be in Fort Knox...

 

[Murt]

I was taking my 12 year old grandson deer hunting with me and during the early morning drive I was listening to talk radio
this was back when Romney was running for prez
The person on the radio was talking about how the liberals were claiming that Mitt Romney wanted to kill Big Bird
My grandson looked over to me and said---What's the big deal granpa-Michelle has already killed the Cookie Monster
(with her school lunch program)

 

[fish hook]

When my daughter was very small we went to Panama City. All the way down there she was excited to go swimming in the ocean. When we arrived we went to the beach. She wouldn't go near the water. She was terrified of the small waves coming in. I asked her why she didn't want to go in after talking about it for the entire trip, she said "i didn't know the water was going to be curly".

 

[SlipperySlope]

When grand daughter was about 3 she could read a little but she also had memorized most of her story books. She spent the night with us and DH took her upstairs, ready for bed and her story at night. About 10 minutes later I hear the steps and look, expecting it to be DH. No, it was grand saying that she had gotten DH to bed and now we could have fun. She said he was real sleepy and she took over the reading until he fell asleep.

 

[summerthyme]

The granddaughters are always coming up with the craziest stuff. They are, of course, fascinated by body parts... the two year old informed me one day that "girls have baginas, and boys have butts"!

When our kids were little, they were always happy to inform non farm relatives about the realities of dairy farming. Our daughter once piped up in the middle of a family celebration meal, "grandma, did you know cows have four tits?" ROTFLMAO

My mom used to play games with the kids... "name 3 colors" or "3 plants", etc. One day she asked them to name several different kinds of nuts. Our second son was 3... he immediately responded "forget-me-nuts"! (Forget-me-NOTS are a tiny blue wildflower) I've got no idea where he heard of them... but he obviously MISheard it!

Summerthyme

 

[Signwatcher]

When my DD was around 1 yr. old she was in her high chair at the table. We were eating dinner. She turned, looked at her Dad, squinted one eye and said, "BIG man!" Funny thing...I have no idea where that came from. Never used the Tee Vee as a baby sitter. Her Dad wasn't a big man.

 

[Zahowey]

My son rode the bus to Kindergarten. There was an older kid probably 1st grade, he was picking on my sons friend. My son stood up and confronted the bully by saying “I have a belly button and I know how to use it”. Since my son threatened the kid he was suspended from riding the bus for 3 days.

 

[bassgirl]

My 6 year old asked me one time, “ Mom, we’re you born in color or black and white” I couldnt stop laughing. And I realized he was watching too much tv.

 

[crossbowboy]

I picked up my 12 yr old daughter from a sleepover last summer. She got in the car and said:

"When life gives you lemons, find a child with a cut."

I'm immensely proud of that girl sometimes...

 

[school marm]

My boys were about 5 and 2 at the time. The house was kind of a wreck. So I told them we needed to get cleaning up or else people would think the three little pigs lived there. The 2-yr-old piped up and said, "No. Four. 'Cuz Dad."

 

[Bones]

Our son was about 4, and we had a great dog. We had a tag on her collar with her info on it.

He asked why are there letters and numbers on her tag, to which we replied ' its important so in case she gets lost '.

After pondering silently for a few seconds, he asked, bewildered....' She can read??? '

 

[Josie]

When my oldest son was about six, he asked, "Daddy, were there dinosaurs when you were little?" His Dad, thinking he was talking about the plastic ones the boy was playing with, replied, "No, there weren't." My son stopped playing, looked at his father with a very serious face and said, "Boy, you really ARE old!"

I've told this story before but one time my five-year-old grand son and I were watching "Toy Story". There is a part where Buzz Lightyear, thinking he really CAN fly, jumps off a high ledge and crashes to the ground. I told my grandson that would really hurt me falling like that because I don't bounce like I used to. The five-year-old looked at me in a very comforting way and said, "That's okay Dee Dee (the name he chose to give me). You're fluffy now."

 

[foreverkeeps]

The other day my 5 year old granddaughter's preschool class got in a little trouble. The teacher said they were calling each other 'poopy face'. Teacher told them they could not say that word. Granddaughter asked "only in the bathroom?"

 

[Creedmoor]

When my son was about six or seven we were watching a movie with a big fight scene and he was really getting into it. Suddenly he yells out “Kick him in the gentiles! Kick him in the gentiles!

 

[day late]

My wife and I were waiting for dl jr. to say his first words. At that time we were still getting the local paper, which we would read in the evening once I got home from work. Being a young couple at the time we would talk about what we wanted to get, how much it would cost and how to pay for it. We never even thought that he was listening THAT much. Then one day I had the paper on the floor as I sat there reading it. dl jr. toddled over, looked at the paper, pointed at an ad and said,

"Mastercard."

 

[Rabbit]

When my little guy was 3 I had him in a Christian School 3K and he was supposed to memorize a scripture every week. I was worried he wouldn't be able to do it.

Every day when he got home from school he would put on his "Army Stuff". He had a lot of things hanging on him, a helmet, binoculars, a canteen, a rifle with a sling and a belt with knives, pistols goodness knows what else and all this is in addition to the guns he carried. He clanked everywhere he went.

One afternoon he was trying to get in the back door but he couldn't because his hands were full so he yells to Grandma in the kitchen, "Behold, I stand at the door and knock".

 

[SlipperySlope]

Another story from the same grand daughter. I know she won't see this or I wouldn't put it here.

She had just turmed 4 when her baby sister was born. DH and I had kept her and we took her to the hospital to see her new sister. She gave her the baby the once over and then looked at us and said in all her inquisitiveness, "which hole did she come out of- the big one or the little one?" It was all I could do to not lose it in laughter. Her Mom told her which one and she looked at us all rather smugly as she said, "That's what I thought".

 

[Rabbit]

I love kids and their stories, they are the whipped cream of life.
When my niece was little she walked into the kitchen and her mother asked her, "Ashley why is your sleeve wet?" And very nonchalantly she answered, "I was petting the fish." The aquarium was in the den.

 

[Bad Hand]

I had my 2 daughters and son in the grocery store when a lady stopped and said "What beautiful children" Dee being the oldest she was 6 pipes up we are not children we are Rug Rats.

 

[Crusty Echo 7]

My three year old and I were standing at a checkout aisle when someone walked by passing gas.

he noticed the smell and says to me “Daddy, did you poop your pants (of course loudly). I replied no and he said “Are you sure? It smells like you did!”

 

[Crusty Echo 7]

The granddaughters are always coming up with the craziest stuff. They are, of course, fascinated by body parts... the two year old informed me one day that "girls have baginas, and boys have butts"!

When our kids were little, they were always happy to inform non farm relatives about the realities of dairy farming. Our daughter once piped up in the middle of a family celebration meal, "grandma, did you know cows have four tits?" ROTFLMAO

My mom used to play games with the kids... "name 3 colors" or "3 plants", etc. One day she asked them to name several different kinds of nuts. Our second son was 3... he immediately responded "forget-me-nuts"! (Forget-me-NOTS are a tiny blue wildflower) I've got no idea where he heard of them... but he obviously MISheard it!

Summerthyme

Wife got out of the shower once and heard our 3 yr old at the time laugh at what he called “the mustache on her body.”

 

[Texican]

A cousin's DW was out grocery shopping when her 2 year old daughter stood up in the buggy and screamed out "Nanna Momma Nanna." Mom stopped nanna feeding that day.

This is still talked about at family meetings to the embarrassment of the daughter that is now a mom with babies.

Texican....

 

[Line Doggie]

Our oldest grandson was about 6 or 7, sitting on my wife's lap at the kitchen table.
I heard her ask "are you picking your nose and eating it?"
After a few seconds he said, "no, just the juice".

 

[Imrik]

I was in a gas station getting snacks for the fam for a road trip. The six year old said he needed to go potty. So I had him at the urinal and I guess he got shy bladder cuz the other urinals were full.
He looks at me and says “Daddy it doesn’t work!”
Me and the dude in the urinal next to us just died laughing
Dude just laughed and said “Yep. It happens sometimes”
I will tell this story to all of his girlfriends

 

[Capt. Senile]

While visiting Fort Union on the way to Raton, NM my then 3 year old daughter and my 5 year old twin boys were hanging around our minivan when an elderly lady asked them if they were triplets. My daughter piped up and quipped "No, they're
boys and I'm a girl!"

 

[Dennis Olson]

When my kids were little, they referred to turn signals as “tick-toe lights” (because of the clicking sound the indicator made.)

There’s lots more, but they’re not coming to mind right now.

 

[O2BNOK]

In the Summer of 2016 our grandson was four years old. One day he comes waking into the kitchen and says, "whatcha doin with that Trump thing on yer wall?"

I quickly scanned the room and came up blank. "What are you talking about?" I asked him.

He gave me an exasperated look, waved his arm toward the hallway and repeated, "That Trump thing!".

I had no idea. After several tries I finally I told him to touch it so I would understand what he was asking about. He marched over to the wall and touched an American flag one of the boys brought home from Iraq.

 

[Hilblyswife]

I remember a story from when I was young. My mom sent one of my older brothers to the store for a few things. Youngest brother went with him. Older brother was going through the store getting everything on the list, but was avoiding one are until last. Youngest brother, probably about 4 or 5, as they were passing that particular aisle, said, loudly, "Bub, don't forget mom's maxi pads." Older brother turned bright red. When they got home, he told mom he wasn't taking younger brother with him ever again to the store.

 

[Profit of Doom]

When my kids were little, they referred to turn signals as “tick-toe lights” (because of the clicking sound the indicator made.)

There’s lots more, but they’re not coming to mind right now.

OMG! There’s more of you?

 

[Crusty Echo 7]

I slept in one day and my 4 year old at the time watched me take my CPAP mask off and asked “How are you daddy, did you get fully charged?”

I’ve always meant to make a glow in the dark charging indicator to mess with them but never did.

 

[amarilla]

My son seemed to be going through a LOT of shampoo. Faster than his sisters who had longer hair. So, I finally asked him about it. He said because it said "Heads and Shoulders" he figured he could use it on the rest of his body as well.

 

[Signwatcher]

When my DD was about 2, she was getting dressed. She lifted her arm high, pointed to her armpit and said, "This is my hairless pit."

 

[Signwatcher]

My DD was being a little wierdie. She was about 2. Seems like it was a developmental stage of trying to process information and she had her own strange spin on doing it. So her Dad pipes up, "Who are you?!"

She promptly replied, "Edward Scissorhands," as she used her fingers on both hands to make cutting motions.

I always found it odd because we didn't have the Tee Vee on much...just mainly for local news and weather. She must have been highly captivated by the movie commercial for the movie, Edward Scissorhands.

On a different note, she's always been fond of Johnny Depp.

 

[Signwatcher]

When my DS was about 3, I asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up. He replied, "A Rockatadist." He loved rocks and sticks...what boy doesn't? He had a nice collection of both. LOL! He thought he could grow up and get paid to collect rocks.

 

[psychgirl]

Your stories are a wonderful, happy distraction right now, please keep em coming!

I taught preschool, 4 yr old group preK for a year after I graduated from college...I have a couple funny stories I might share since I have no children.

 

[nehimama]

My grandson sent me a thank you note for the Christmas gifts. He's 13, and a high-functioning Autistic. He wrote, "Thank you for the survival kit, the escape room game, and some other stuff". I laughed out loud.

 

[FollowTruth]

My sister and her two little boys were staying with us for a while. One morning her oldest, who was four, came striding through the kitchen heading for the back door; he was wearing welder's leather gloves that reached all the way to his armpits.

"Where you going Honey?" I asked.

Without slowing down he said, "I'm going to help Uncle ****** get the milk out of the goats."

I love that boy!

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[FollowTruth]

One morning my sister was standing naked leaning over the bathroom sink as she brushed her teeth. Her youngest boy, who was three, came up behind her, spread her butt cheeks and hollered, "Helloooo!"

She almost swallowed her toothbrush!

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