Tip the waitress? Ha! I know a guy who's so cheap, he won't tip his hat.
How cheap is he?
He's so cheap he rides a crowded subway just to get his clothes pressed!
He's so cheap the guest room in his house has a pay smoke alarm!
I'm tellin' ya, he's so cheap he married a skinny girl just so he could buy a smaller ring.
A Minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17." The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only sixteen chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."