PREP Dating Don'ts: How Not To Kiss

fruit loop

Inactive
Please don't say "this is not prep." Sure it is. Finding someone to share those cold, dark days after TSHTF is definitely prepping.

http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/personal/07/17/tf.how.not.to.kiss/index.html

Dating don'ts -- how NOT to kiss

You may recognize bad kisser by traits they share with animals
One woman kissed like exotic pedicure-fish nibbling at his face
"Breath of Death" was deal breaker for most enthusiastic kissers
Kisser should not cover your nose, mouth at same time

By Judy McGuire

(The Frisky) -- Locking lips. Making out. Smooching. Kissing. It sounds so pleasant and easy, yet do a little research and you'll soon discover that while everyone may be doing it, few are doing it well.

For your edification, I have rounded up the different varieties of bad kissers and broken them down by the traits they share with members of the animal kingdom:


A "Venus Flytrap" kisser can cover your nose and mouth and make it hard to breathe.

Iguana: Characterized by cool, dry lips, and a tiny pink tongue, Lizard Lips is about as arousing as, well, a small reptile crawling around your mouth. One victim noted, "He'd dart his tongue in and out at a million flicks per second. Kissing is supposed to get you hot, not give you calluses."

The Excitable Puppy: I don't know who is telling these boys that there's nothing hotter than a mid-makeout tongue bath, but I heard from a lot of sopping sisters. "He licked from forehead to nose to chin and back again," is how one woman described her first kiss. "Like the way my 80-pound Labrador licks my face. Even though it was my first makeout sesh, I knew my companion was cursed with bad skills."

The Rattlesnake: You know the scenario. . . he's cute, you're tipsy and so you lean in lay one on him and, BAM! His tongue is halfway down your throat, pulsing like a piston. "The tongue should flick lightly -- not thrust like a video on BET," instructs Victoria, a filmmaker who knows her way around a liplock.

The Tasmanian Devil: I was on the fence about one guy I was dating until we had our first makeout. His kiss was like being set upon by a team of angry ferrets. A sensuous bite on the neck can be hot, but a series of sharp nips to the jawline, decidedly less so.

The Venus Flytrap: "It was like his neck was on a hinge," Sarah relays over cocktails. "This gave him the ability to open his mouth about six inches." I dated one of these too --his mouth would open so wide that he'd cover my mouth and nose, making it impossible to breathe. And yes, while I realize the Venus Flytrap is not technically an animal, it eats bugs and that's good enough for me.

The Skunk: The breath of death was listed as a kiss-killer by most people surveyed. "In my mind I said let me give you the number of my gastroenterologist, or at least a mint!" David shared via email. In reality he said nothing to the offender -- he simply never called her again. "I'm a very polite person," he explained.

The Possum: As you should know, there is more to kissing than just shoving your tongue in and letting it lay there. "The unfurling of the tongue, and then not moving it . . . " Sarah shudders, too horrified to go on. "Too much tongue is the number one component of a bad kiss," she continues. "When it fills your mouth and you feel like some cheap bologna sandwich has been stuffed in there -- that is the ultimate bummer."

Kangal Fish: Used in exotic pedicures to nibble away the dead skin on your feet and hands, the KF-style smooch is also quite cleansing. "I had a woman do this odd thing where she ran the tip of her tongue along the face of my teeth, as if she was trying to clean them," shares David, obviously on a roll.

Sarah has also experienced this, and was neither amused nor aroused. "It reminded me of those cheesy Pearl Drops toothpaste commercials from the '70s."
 

Hacker

Computer Hacking Pirate
The Possum: As you should know, there is more to kissing than just shoving your tongue in and letting it lay there. "The unfurling of the tongue, and then not moving it . . . " Sarah shudders, too horrified to go on. "Too much tongue is the number one component of a bad kiss," she continues. "When it fills your mouth and you feel like some cheap bologna sandwich has been stuffed in there -- that is the ultimate bummer."

I think "the amount of tongue" is subjective, and depends on one's level of passion. Although I must admit, getting passionate about a slice of bologna is tough to do . . .

:whistle:
 

fruit loop

Inactive
I hate the Carp Kisser. You know the one....the guy with wet lips who mouths you instead of kisses you.

Ewwww.......
 

Tumbleweed

Veteran Member
I like to give 'em a 'Copenhagen Kiss'.
Ya know what a Copenhagen Kiss is, don't ya??
Big dip of Copenhagen tobacco just before getting down to business.
Makes a kiss hot, aromatic and sweet! :dvl1:
 

closet squirrel

Veteran Member
The first boy i ever kissed literally moved his tongue in a clockwise circle the entire time - never stopped or changed directions.

Man was I happy to find out it was just him that didnt know what he was doing, i was worried it would always be like that !!!
 

corona

Contributing Member
Makeouts

as teenagers The guys used to call it "Swappin Spit", when discussing thier makeout adventures:lkick: Of course "I" being the gentleman never Kiss and Tell!! :whistle:
 

FREEBIRD

Has No Life - Lives on TB
There's plenty of hot kissing with way less tongue than they're talking about here.
 
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timbo

Deceased
On TV with the younger set of actors, I see them come at one another with mouth closed.......Then all of a sudden there is a contest on who can triumph over the over with the mouth that is the most wide open.

Then they start bobbing and weaving from the neck up trying to get the advantage over the other.

Oh yeah, the camera is so close you can see individual nose hairs.

Then the coup! One grabs the other's bottom lip and either is sucking on it or they are trying to pull it off!

By now I have to change channels so I have no idea if anyone gets stitches or not.

Blech.
 
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