PLAY 2023 Christmas humor thread.

B

Bumblepuff

Veteran Member
​
Fake Shemp, Did you really get banned for resurrecting the Mayonnaise Thread?
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Just a spoonful of mayo helps the gag reflex return, gag reflex return...

Just a spoonful of mayo helps the gag reflex return, in the most emetic way!






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It's beginning to look a lot like mayo, everywhere you go,
You'll see it spread on cheese logs and also the neighbors' dogs,
There's plenty more to fling into the snow...




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May-o, May-o.
Daylight come and me wanna sammich,
But mayo's gone, so now I'm gonna bitch,

Worked all night to beat dem eggs,
Gonna sit down to rest my weary legs.

Come, monkey, come and put in a banana,
Make dis recipe for silly old nana.

MAY-o, MAY-o,
Gonna drink some rum and sit on my bum
Till the oil's mixed with banana-mayo rum...​
 
B

Bumblepuff

Veteran Member
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An abundance of mayonnaise, unshippable to area restaurants due to a massive snowstorm which shut down the city of
Mayo on the Bayo, was about to be discarded until company president Everwheezer Stooge decided to use the viscous
mixture to frighten trespassers who might try to break into his mayofactory and steal his secret recipe, so he had workers
quickly sculpt his face in frigid weather in a lot nearby where a man lived who became nauseous at the very sight of white
creamy mayonnaise due to a childhood incident when he had fallen into a deep vat. Yes, Everwheezer Stooge was grinchy.​
 
B

Bumblepuff

Veteran Member
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"And what can Santa give you for Christmas, Dennis? I see a twinkle in your eyes. Have you been a good little boy?"

"I want a stocking filled with mayonnaise, a squirt gun that shoots mayonnaise, a mayonnaise paint set, mayonnaise
frosted cupcakes, a mayonnaise milkshake, and creamy mayonnaise shampoo to help my hair maintain its oily sheen."

"I'm sorry, Dennis, but I'm allergic to mayonnaise. I'll substitute tangy Miracle Whip instead. How does that sound?"

"It sounds like the death rattle I'll hear when you're lying face down in the snow after I push you off the roof, fatso!"​
 
B

Bumblepuff

Veteran Member
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Tis the season to enjoy delicious holiday foods. Here Joe Biden eagerly slurps his favorite ice cream cone: a special blend of
eggnog and mayonnaise. Late at night Joe often walks around naked in the White House halls while holding a tub of this
wonderfully creamy treat, eating it with one hand, licking his fingers, and sometimes using it as fingerpaint on the portraits
of past US Presidents and the windows where he draws snowmen, turtles, seahorses, pissants, quasars, and crack houses.​
 
B

Bumblepuff

Veteran Member
Somewhere in MAGA Land...

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"That's a good boy. Take another yummy spoonful of mayonnaise. If you eat the whole jar, Santa will bring you a new rattle,
a squeaky frog, and an AK-47 with enough rounds to blast all the snowmen in the neighborhood. You're my snuggy-wuggy!"​
 
Kathy in FL

Kathy in FL

Administrator
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B

Bumblepuff

Veteran Member
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Cindy Lou Who holds a large and shiny scarlet ornament as she waits for the Grinch to hang it on the tree with the other
decorations. But this is no ordinary orb; it is a piñata filled with mayonnaise. After the Grinch hangs it up high, Cindy will
plead with him not to break it with that fire iron near the mantle, but of course, the Grinch will stick out his tongue at her,
then smash it with glee until he gets covered with sticky mayonnaise, at which point Cindy will kindly remind him to wipe
it off his face and hands before the toxins and hydrochloric acid dissolve his skin. Cindy Lou Who, the master of revenge!​
 
B

Bumblepuff

Veteran Member
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"What wonderful news this Christmas! I've just received notice that I've been fired from Everwheezer's mayonnaise factory!
I won't have to mix that stinky slime anymore! My sinuses will finally be clear! Now I'm free to create my own special recipe
and become a millionaire! Life is so wonderful! To celebrate I'm gonna dump my jars of mayonnaise outside in the snow!"

"I'm so happy, dear. I'll bake some cinnamon eggnog muffins!"..................... "Daddy, let's go outside and make mayo angels!"
​
 
B

Bumblepuff

Veteran Member
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"Woe is me. Oh how can this be? There's been a national recall on Everwheezer's mayonnaise, all blends and sizes, due to
salmonella poisoning! There's none to be found in my city, and online sales are blocked! Everwheezer's brand is the only
mayonnaise I use for all my holiday cooking. Substitutes just don't have that same slimy mouthfeel. Now I can't make my
tapioca mayonnaise pudding, tofu mayonnaise cheesy puffs, mayonnaise fruitcake, mayonnaise glaze, or even mayonnaise
dreamy creamy chocolate pops! My recipe list is almost endless. How will my family and friends react when I tell them the
bad news? I feel so icky and sticky inside. And now I'm experiencing mayonnaise withdrawal! I think I need to lie down."​
 
B

Bumblepuff

Veteran Member
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People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals are absolutely furious over the callous memer who created this disgusting
image of Santa's reindeer hanging from the blades of a massive wind turbine. PETA members don't give a whit about the
stupid, obese white supremacist who annually abuses eight oppressed reindeer, but where are the other four reindeer?
Have they been sliced to pieces and taken away for venison by greedy hunters too lazy to shoot themselves in the head?
This is a tragedy and must not go unpunished! If you know the whereabouts of the missing reindeer, please contact us!​
 
B

Bumblepuff

Veteran Member
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This is the Christmas humor thread, not the Mayonnaise thread! We don't care if you glug down thick globs of mayonnaise
during the holiday season, sip spiced mayonnaise eggnog, or engage in Christmas traditions such as massaging your sore
muscles with warm mayonnaise. Please stop abusing your posting privileges, or you'll feel the stinging lash of Miracle Whip!​
 
B

Bumblepuff

Veteran Member
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"I see that your bulbous nose is glowing bright red, Rudolph. This indicates that your COVID booster shot has released
billions of spike proteins throughout your capillaries, mainly in your snout and other sensitive extremities. Soon you'll
experience a drastic decline in your natural immunity with significant heart damage and increased risk of turbo cancers,
but don't worry, dear deer, I've already set you up for a super booster shot to help you survive Santa's slay, er, sleigh ride."​
 
B

Bumblepuff

Veteran Member
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Panic at the North Pole! During a test with Santa using modified turbo boosters on his sleigh, an expected Polar Vortex
Swirlie tipped his sleigh upside down, and a huge load of mayonnaise spilled out. Fortunately, Santa and his reindeer
quickly stabilized their flight pattern, but unfortunately, the mayonnaise splattered all over the Abominable Snowman,
which is bad because he has no natural immunity against this yucky viscous substance originally formulated by a fiendish
French chef, and what is even worse, he is running haphazardly over ice and snow drifts on a collision course with Santa's
workshop where the elves are preoccupied with last minute detailing of customized toy cars and airplanes. Who will warn
the elves before they are inadvertently smashed by this frantic beast covered in white slime? More importantly, if the worst
case scenario occurs, can Santa outsource the last gifts on his list to be fulfilled by Chinese slave labor elves in Shanghai?​
 
B

Bumblepuff

Veteran Member
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Another senseless tragedy, a needless crime against the hard work of children learning to sculpt snow, long labor lost all
because the neighbors next door threw a big party, and some nitwit, who forgot to buy ice for adult beverages, decided to
use most of Spiffy the Snowman for cooling bottles of champagne and making snow cones for younger guests. But in his
careless haste to take Spiffy apart scoop by scoop, deep yellow snow was taken from the base. Yes, Spiffy had icy revenge!​
 
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