bracketquant
Veteran Member
And, soon you'll be resting in the pantry, soaked in whiskey and Irish stout.
FOOD Time for a 2023 fruitcake thread
- Thread starter TKO
- Start date
So, what coffee do you pair with a Claxton? Enquiring minds want to know...
AlfaMan
Has No Life - Lives on TB
A good tall cup of regular Folger's drip coffee. Not fancy, but the flavors absolutely rock.
Bumblepuff
Veteran Member
"Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition! Hand over your fruitcakes soaked in rum and brandy,
and we shall spare your pitiful lives to bake another day! Do not skimp on the candied fruit and
crunchy nuts, for our keen palates will detect whether you have complied with our demands!"
........................................................................... "If you don't mind, I'd like the recipe. For my Gran-mama."
xtreme_right
Veteran Member
I ordered one the other day for the first time. It’s pricey so I hope it’s good. It’s loaded with pecans. I’m picking those nasty red and green excuses for fruit off immediately though.
That actually looks good.
Bumblepuff
Veteran Member
"Have you any fruitcake to spare? We heard you're allergic to it, gives you hives."
"Please, just a small chunk to munch, a moist morsel to stave off our dire starvation."
"Really, I'm not picky at all. If you don't have any fruitcake, let me nibble your hives."
Bumblepuff
Veteran Member
During World War II, some shipments of old fruitcakes were so dry and hard that American troops shot them in cannons
across enemy lines, thereby causing massive damage to villages, which resulted in quick surrender by German soldiers.
No need to pick them off. They don't taste like the old dried fruit in years gone past. It's nice and moist and their customer service is great. The pecans are the best part though.
feralferret
Veteran Member
We used to sell those as a band fundraiser every year when I was in school in the mid to late 60s. I love them.
feralferret
Veteran Member
Sounds good. My wife used to make lebkuchen from a recipe that was well over a hundred years old. She substituted butter for lard, though. It was outstanding.
Bumblepuff
Veteran Member
In ancient times Roman soldiers would substitute old fruitcakes instead of small boulders for their catapults when insect
infestation made their provisions unpalatable. Launching rotten fruitcakes had no significant impact on the enemy and was
typically used to adjust settings for more accurate launching of heavy objects. To show the enemy how fierce and cruel the
Roman army could be to those unwilling to surrender, occasionally they would launch severed heads of captured slaves,
the results of which could be detected by listening closely for sounds of screaming and shrieking when the heads landed.
No, as bumblepuff pointed out, Fruit cakes have been shot from cannons, leading to the rise of music in honor of that event.But do you need a fruitcake catapult?
This was the first "Christmas Canon".
Yeah, that is pretty much how it turned out.
Bumblepuff
Veteran Member
According to debunked historians, the earliest known performance of Shakespeare's play Hamlet before the court of
Queen Elizabeth had to be altered. Apparently the famous digging scene was originally set behind a bakery where a
starving peasant was unearthing discarded unsold fruitcakes that were moldy. At this point Hamlet reached down to
grasp a rotting fruitcake with his velvet glove and exclaimed, "Alas, porous fruitcake, I knew thy maker, a baker mixing
mischief blended in his recipes. How intricate he fashioned thee, thy candied fruits like jewels adorn thy decomposing
form, and now decay of all existence greets thy final rest." [from a fragment of verse found at the bottom of a pigeon
cage]. When this scene was first seen in court, the audience gasped and gagged at such a horrific sight. Queen Elizabeth
swooned, and Shakespeare was threatened with amputation of his writing hand. Therefore, most expeditiously, the scene
was amended. Upon the next performance, those in attendance held their breath as Hamlet approached a man digging.
Much to their relief it was a graveyard, and when Hamlet held up high a human skull, the crowd was calmed and sighed
in relief. Yes, the sad saga of fruitcake phobia has a long history. Would you care to learn more about it? Of course not!
straightstreet
Life is better in flip flops
My grandma made fruit cake every year. I remember the family calling it a drunk cake lol I also remember it taking her days to make. I didn't eat it as a kid but now I wish I could.
Bumblepuff
Veteran Member
This morning a SWAT team was called out to investigate a curious odiferous disturbance at 684 Fume Avenue, home of
Edna Biznick. Concerned neighbors had noticed peculiar odors emanating from within her house, and within a few rounds
of coffee and donuts, armed men approached her house, not sure if there was a leaky radiation bomb or something even
worse. After a robodog barked and pawed at the front door with no response, the SWAT team burst through the door and
discovered a large table stacked with ornately decorated fruitcakes. Edna was so shocked by this terrifying appearance of
men pointing their guns at her that she suffered a heart attack and had to be transported to the hospital. The fruitcakes
were carefully handled by bomb squad experts, who hauled them to a local landfill and blew them to bits, just to be safe.
ONE OF THE BEST
NAME: Bob McNutt | AGE: 50 | HOMETOWN: Corsicana | QUALIFICATIONS: Third-generation president of Collin Street Bakery, in Corsicana, which has been selling its DeLuxe Fruitcakes since 1896 / Oversees production of more than one million fruitcakes a year, which the bakery ships by mail-order to almost two hundred countries
• Fruitcake goes way back. We think it probably originated in ancient Egypt. You know, people have always celebrated grand occasions—birthdays, anniversaries, weddings—with cake. Fruitcake celebrated the bounty of the harvest.
Now it’s kind of a love offering. Fruitcake means holidays and family and people coming together. It’s associated with things that they hold near and dear to their hearts.
• Fruitcake wisecracks? They’re part of the season. I think it has to do with the fact that there’s not a standard of identity for fruitcake. I mean, you can take anything—a pound cake with a couple pieces of fruit thrown in—and call it a fruitcake. It’s like steak: You can get a prime cut that just melts in your mouth, or you can end up with shoe leather. There’s such a range.
• The DeLuxe Fruitcake is 80 percent fruit and nuts. It’s 27 percent pecans by weight, with a lot of glacé fruit: cherries, pineapple, papaya.
• Good pecans are critical.
• I like my fruitcake sliced thin; it’s a subtle thing. Cold slices are better, when the cake’s been refrigerated. And I like it maybe with a little bit of whipped cream
• One time we had a British guy walk in and order 24 cakes. In the course of conversation, we asked how he was enjoying his trip to America. “Oh, it’s been fine,” he said. What had he enjoyed the most? “Well, just Corsicana.” Where else was he going? “Well, this is it.” As it turned out, he hadn’t gotten his order of fruitcakes in on time for them to arrive in England for Christmas. So he flew from London to DFW Airport, took a taxi to the bus station, took the bus to Corsicana, and walked four blocks from the bus stop to the bakery. We gave him a ride back to the airport.
• We go to great extremes for our cakes. We have our own pecan-shelling facility in Corsicana, for example. And we grow our own pineapple and papaya in Costa Rica. Our philosophy: We simply do not know how to make our cakes any better.
https://collinstreet.com › Shop › International
Our world-renowned fruitcake from our tiny Texas town has gained so much praise it has become internationally known as "That Famous Corsicana Fruitcake." ...
Rating: 4.7 · 14,832 reviews · $36.45 · $7.45 2–8 day delivery · In stock
NAME: Bob McNutt | AGE: 50 | HOMETOWN: Corsicana | QUALIFICATIONS: Third-generation president of Collin Street Bakery, in Corsicana, which has been selling its DeLuxe Fruitcakes since 1896 / Oversees production of more than one million fruitcakes a year, which the bakery ships by mail-order to almost two hundred countries
• Fruitcake goes way back. We think it probably originated in ancient Egypt. You know, people have always celebrated grand occasions—birthdays, anniversaries, weddings—with cake. Fruitcake celebrated the bounty of the harvest.
Now it’s kind of a love offering. Fruitcake means holidays and family and people coming together. It’s associated with things that they hold near and dear to their hearts.
• Fruitcake wisecracks? They’re part of the season. I think it has to do with the fact that there’s not a standard of identity for fruitcake. I mean, you can take anything—a pound cake with a couple pieces of fruit thrown in—and call it a fruitcake. It’s like steak: You can get a prime cut that just melts in your mouth, or you can end up with shoe leather. There’s such a range.
• The DeLuxe Fruitcake is 80 percent fruit and nuts. It’s 27 percent pecans by weight, with a lot of glacé fruit: cherries, pineapple, papaya.
• Good pecans are critical.
• I like my fruitcake sliced thin; it’s a subtle thing. Cold slices are better, when the cake’s been refrigerated. And I like it maybe with a little bit of whipped cream
• One time we had a British guy walk in and order 24 cakes. In the course of conversation, we asked how he was enjoying his trip to America. “Oh, it’s been fine,” he said. What had he enjoyed the most? “Well, just Corsicana.” Where else was he going? “Well, this is it.” As it turned out, he hadn’t gotten his order of fruitcakes in on time for them to arrive in England for Christmas. So he flew from London to DFW Airport, took a taxi to the bus station, took the bus to Corsicana, and walked four blocks from the bus stop to the bakery. We gave him a ride back to the airport.
• We go to great extremes for our cakes. We have our own pecan-shelling facility in Corsicana, for example. And we grow our own pineapple and papaya in Costa Rica. Our philosophy: We simply do not know how to make our cakes any better.
World Famous DeLuxe® Fruitcake
Collin Street Bakeryhttps://collinstreet.com › Shop › International
Our world-renowned fruitcake from our tiny Texas town has gained so much praise it has become internationally known as "That Famous Corsicana Fruitcake." ...
Rating: 4.7 · 14,832 reviews · $36.45 · $7.45 2–8 day delivery · In stock
privatemom
Veteran Member
No way. No how. Nope.
Bumblepuff
Veteran Member
County officials may never know what mysterious ingredients caused a fruitcake to spontaneously explode, but they are
thankful that Miss Hoogins noticed an old fruitcake smoldering in her barn and quickly carried it out to the cow pasture.
Fortunately, the cows were in the barn, safely distant. Also fortunately, her groundhog infestation has been eradicated.
von Koehler
Has No Life - Lives on TB
Deleted
Well, have you tried it yet? What's the verdict?
Southern Supreme fruitcake. From a bakery near Fort Bragg, NC.
(Not playing the North/South name game.)
Very little candied fruit so it tastes pretty good to me.
I wasn't impressed by Collins Street nor the monastery that Dennis recommended last year.
Henry from 29 Palms
(Not playing the North/South name game.)
Very little candied fruit so it tastes pretty good to me.
I wasn't impressed by Collins Street nor the monastery that Dennis recommended last year.
Henry from 29 Palms
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xtreme_right
Veteran Member
Not impressed. It tasted like pecan bread doused in maraschino cherry juice. It was edible but not worth the price. I had a fruit cake years ago from a bakery in La Grange, Tx that was magnificent! I keep thinking I should see if they ship.