Story Survival of the Not So Fittest

Part 109​


I shivered … whether from cold or something else or both I’m not sure. I’ve been running off and on for most of the day, trying to stick to the shadows. It is cold, so cold. Not as bad as last year but I’m thankful I’m still in my coat. I’m in trouble. I was played for a fool. I just wanted the insulin so Cade and the kids would stop worrying it to death, or at least create some breathing room between now and what appears inevitable. I still have several months of insulin in the basement cooler room. My usage has gone down but the day I’d blacked out, a thing I’ve only done a couple of times in my life, had freaked them all out

I came to myself hearing Eden crying quietly, “You have to wake up Eve. You have to. I’m not ready to be the oldest girl. Not yet. Please wake up.”

What happened? I got caught in a rain shower like I have several times before in my life. I’m not made out of spun sugar and won’t melt. I was even wearing a rain jacket like I had some sense. But this time I caught a cold, and it lowered my resistance. And then I caught something right afterwards that was going around at the General Store. The infection settled in my chest. The problem wasn’t the infection so much as what infections do to my glucose level. It kept going up and up. And then the worst day, the stupid monitor started going off and wouldn’t stop. It woke Cade up despite me sleeping in another room so he wouldn’t get sick, but I couldn’t seem to respond. My numbers were over 500 for several hours. It took a lot of insulin to get the numbers to start coming down. I was a few days recovering my energy and getting rid of the infection so that my glucose count stayed down to more normal-for-me levels … and proving that I was okay, or on my way to being okay. Every little thing I did would make my numbers wobble. And having everyone always reading the sheet I keep for tracking my numbers was nerve wracking as well.

The remainder of December wasn’t fun. January was better but I used up a lot of the rosehips just trying to build up my immune system and deal with the infection that would have sent me to a doctor for antibiotics last year this time. Rebecca even tried to get me some help but there simply wasn’t any to be had. I was triaged.

Then came the day that Rebecca did something she had never done. She brought her partner Raul to our front gate. Luckily the boys were up there cleaning up a tree that had fallen across the drive. Or maybe in hindsight we were lucky the tree had fallen across the drive and kept them from coming back to the house. Rebecca said to run and fetch me, that they’d wait. It was that important.

I was better but it had been a long night, and I had been upset. Cade and I had had what I consider our first real argument. As most arguments are I considered it something stupid. The day before had been a fine one and I wanted to air the house out and I started in the attic area and planned on moving my way down. But the sun felt so good I sat down for a moment in a rocker to enjoy it and dozed off. Cade found me and I suppose in hindsight I might have scared him as I hadn’t responded to his first call.

I get it. They’re all worried about me but all my work was piling up and I suppose I thought I was better so I thought they had to know I was better. I was shocked at how angry Cade was. He claimed I should know better than to put my health at further risk as to fall asleep in front of an open window. The girls were upset that Cade was upset. Esther, Elijah, and Ezra compounded it all by telling me that Eden was crying out in the garden shed because she was scared she was going to have to take my place and she wasn’t ready. Eden lit into me nearly as badly as Cade had with all the endless medical stuff she’d been reading up on, plus reminding me that stress drives my numbers up and I have to be the one to deal with that because Cade is still too weak. Cade came at me again when I got into the house after that because I hadn’t let him know where I was going. And then Ethan topped it all off by asking, “Doggone Eve, what would Mom and Dad think?”

*Ping*

“They’d tell you all to get out of my way and let me take care of my responsibilities they raised me to do instead of blasting me for doing my job. I dozed off. That’s all. Yes, it means I’m tired but I’m always tired and you all didn’t make such an ever-loving stink about it before. What? Have you suddenly realized how much work you’d be left to do if I wasn’t around? Well, it’s always been like that. My entire life is about my responsibilities. Responsibilities that I willingly took on and I’m not asking anyone to take on for me. Enough already. Now give me some space, I need to find if the turkey tail mushrooms are ready.”

Yes, I regretted my words, but it took me walking off leaving them all in shock so I could get some space and deal with my feelings and theirs combined. I wasn’t gone long, just long enough to do what I said and come back with a basket full of what forage I found. The aforementioned turkey tail mushrooms which I turned into our evening meal, some rose hips to add to the ones the kids had been picking closer to the house to replace what I’d used, onion grass and field garlic to use fresh and save what was yet dried from last season, and a few other odds and ends such as honey locust pods[1] that I hoped to make a carob-like substance[2] with.

I wouldn’t say things were back to normal by the time supper rolled around but at least all of the high-emotions seemed to be in check. Or so I thought. The last clean dish was being put away and it was time for the kids to wind down for the night.

I sat down to mend socks – a job that never ends – and was expecting Cade to light the fire and we’d get back to normal. Instead of lighting the fire in the fireplace, he kinda lit a different kind of fire when he walked in, looked at me, got angry all over again for some reason and said, “The girls and I need some space. I’m going downstairs with all of them and spend some time with them.”

When he turned and walked out I’ll admit I was more hurt than I should have been. Just because I was ready for things to get back to normal didn’t mean they were, especially not after what I’d said. Fine. I couldn’t ask for “space” if I wasn’t willing to give them “space” so I accepted things and just started mending.

An hour later I knew I just had to give it up. I went to the basement access to tell Cade and … the door in the floor wouldn’t open. I thought it had been done on purpose, so my feelings got pinched all over again. I refused to make a scene and climbed the stairs and went to my cold bed.

I got up to a cold morning, but people need to eat even though I wasn’t particularly hungry myself. Cade had never come to bed and no one was up and moving when I got down to the kitchen. Feeling numb I made breakfast and not knowing what else to do I went over to the basement door and knocked … no response. So then I stomped on the door a couple of times … no response. I finally got the walkie talkie from where it was charging and hoped that Ethan had the other one down in the basement with him. That did it.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were going to bed?” Cade snarled when they finally came upstairs.

“I tried. The door was locked.”

“No it wasn’t.”

Then Ethan said, “It sticks. You just have to use some muscle. I think it is one of the hinges because it doesn’t happen all the time.”

I looked at him and asked more calmly than I felt, “Since when?”

“Er … while you were sick. It usually isn’t a problem.”

“Uh huh. And what of the rule that anything that isn’t working in the house gets fixed right away?”

“I’ve been busy,” he bit out.

“No kidding. You’ve been busy. I’ve been busy. Cade, Ezra, Eden … we’ve all been busy. We’re always busy and me being sick hasn't made that any better. And as soon as the last frost passes our current busy is going to feel mild compared to the amount of work we are going to have to do to set a bigger garden and keep it tended so we don’t starve to death. But there are some things that you have to make time for … and house maintenance is one of them. What if the younger kids had gotten stuck down there during an emergency and weren’t strong enough to unstick it from that side? What if it stuck while no one was down there, and we couldn’t get it opened from this side? Eden did you know about the door sticking?”

“Don’t pick on her,” Ethan mouthed off. “If you need to fight with someone …”

“I’m neither picking nor fighting, but I can do it if you want to keep that trash talk going,” I snapped back surprising everyone. “I’m asking for a reason. Eden is the one that would recognize why it was a bad idea not to deal with the sticking door.”

Eden said quietly, “I didn’t notice. Ethan and Ezra are always the first ones up and out. It’s never stuck with me.”

I nodded then said, “As soon as breakfast is finished that door gets fixed.”

Elijah said, “But I was going to go see Reggie! Ethan was going to take me so he could go see … um …”

“Well, it is going to have to wait. And if that ‘um’ happens to be the Jeffries girl she’s not going to be there today, and probably not for a while, because her father has gotten fed up with her going to be seen by all the young men at the General Store and shirking her work at home. And before you ask, no I’m not the one that said anything Ethan. She got picked up by a military patrol that caught her walking along the road by herself when she snuck off from home after being told she couldn’t go. You can thank Miss Jeffries that the word is out, the school district plans to have a school started out here by April and it is going to run year-round to keep, and I quote, the young people of the area out of trouble and running truant or they can be taken to town to go to school there. The Creator only knows if I’m going to be allowed to homeschool you all, and if I am what they are going to require as proof and whether it will cost or not. So just eat breakfast and get the door fixed. And if you aren’t full up with drama, I am. Breakfast is on the table.”

The last thing I had was an appetite and I had a headache bad enough to make me unable to even sit there and pretend to eat by moving food around on my plate.

Cade found me separating the laundry I planned on washing that day.

“Um …”

“Let it go Cade. None of us needs …”

“No. I made that mistake the first time around. Ignoring a problem. I shouldn’t have …” He stopped and shook his head.

I sighed. “Seriously Cade, I’m not … whatever you think I’m … oh for pity sake. Reality time. We both showed our backsides. Maybe we had a reason and right to, but that doesn’t mean we should have acted on it … or acted on it the way we did. It was a terrible example to set for lots of reasons. I’m sorry the girls were upset, or maybe they still are. I’ll talk to them, all the kids, and try and get them to understand that I can’t change what I am. I’m a diabetic, I can’t change that and eventually … probably ...” I stopped and shrugged unwilling to add to things by being quite as realistic I have to silently be to myself. “Sometimes that means my glucose management is good and sometimes things happen I can’t control. I know everyone cares. I just can’t change things, all I can do is try and keep things under control. As a result my reality is everyone else’s reality even though they – and you – don’t have diabetes yourself. I get it isn’t fair. This time I wasn’t able to protect everyone from just how unfair my life is.”

“Is that what you think you are doing? Protecting us?” Then he grimaced. “That didn’t come out exactly right. I just mean …”

I put my hand on his chest. It startled him. “Cade, it doesn’t matter what it gets called. What matters is results. My illness is my job and responsibility to deal with. I don’t know any other way to get things done. And I’m sorry that my illness affects everyone else. Diabetic is what I am, not who I am … but the two sometimes get mixed up. But with the world being the way it is none of us have much choice. And no matter what I do I only have so much control of the situation. And sometimes I have to prioritize doing things a certain way because of all that. I’m sorry Cade, I’m just not sure how to do things differently.”

“Let’s start with that being ‘we’ instead of ‘I’ and we’ll work from there. We both need to make concessions for our health. I may never be the man I was before …” He cleared his throat. “I may never be the man I was before the night of the Big Fire.”

“Yes you will … already are. And physically you’ll get there. If I could just …”

He took my hand that was still on his chest and then took my other hand. “You know how you were saying that it is your job and responsibility to deal with the diabetes and how you were sorry it affect everyone else? I feel the same way. Maybe the current shape I am in isn’t my fault but … I need to step it up. The girls … all the kids … need me to. You need me to. Let’s just not go to bed angry like this again. It isn’t healthy and as you said, doesn’t set a good example.”

So that’s what we agreed to. Might be cliché but it was a start. I still didn’t feel like eating but I didn’t tell Cade it is because his words didn’t help. I mean they did, but they didn’t take away from my reality which now also included dealing with an angry Ethan because his “princess” of iron demeanor was revealed to have feet of clay.


[1] The young, tender pods can be cooked like green beans. The yellow/gold "goo" between the seeds inside both green and mature seedpods is sweet and tastes like honey. The hard, mature seeds can be ground into a calorie rich, gluten-free flour after removing them from the long, flat pod.
[2] Make Naturally Sweet Carob or Honey Locust Powder from Foraged Pods – Mother Earth News
 
I've been a long-term lurker and reader, and finally registered so that I can say thank you. Your stories are both entertaining and educational, and the forum format of TB2K allows much more interaction with all of us. You are an inspiration yourself, how you even find time to write amazes me. So, write when you want/need to, we'll wait as patiently as we can. As always: Illegitimi non carborundum. ;)

Oh, and to the readers: made you look! :dvl1:
 
I'm trying. For whatever reason, the guy who stole my stories for his ebook channel on youtube just ... the situation just knocked me off my pins as far as writing has gone. It was a serious personal violation but I'm trying to get back into the groove. None of you are at fault, but I've just had a mental block from writing. I miss it. Hopefully this is a start, but I may not be able to write every day. Thanks for understanding.

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Part 110​


That day that Rebecca brought her partner to the gate I was so certain that the Creator had cracked a window. What I mean is I wanted so badly to find a solution, even if it was just another temporary one that I didn’t ask the questions that I should have thought to ask. We all wanted what was offered.

What was I offered? A chance to get another temporary supply of insulin and possibly the pump equipment as well. They couldn’t guarantee that it was the same kind of insulin pump that I was using so that’s why I would need to go to the medical facilities in town to make sure that I could use it. I wasn’t the only one in the area on the list of recipients and it was going to be on a first come first serve basis. It was also possible that it could be in the form of flexpens. Neither Rebecca nor her partner Raul was sure.

After hearing all the details – they left quickly after sharing the news and I should have noted that it was because Raul suddenly “got a call they needed to head back to base” – the boys were just about like the old Energizer Bunny commercial. They insisted on running back to Cade and telling him while I followed at a more sedate pace.

When I arrived back at the house Cade insisted, “Is it true? Did Rebecca come through?”

“I’m … not certain this came from Rebecca. That partner of hers – that Raul – did most of the talking while Rebecca was on the radio with someone from ‘base’ whoever that is. He seems to be senior in authority over her. At least in this.”

“Rebecca didn’t say anything?”

I shrugged, momentarily confused. “She started to then Raul got a call on his radio – those walkie talkie things they carry – that they had to leave and meet up with someone else. I …”

“What?”

“I’m the only one allowed to go. It is day after tomorrow and I could be away for two or three days.”

He blinked then stiffened his spine. “If Rebecca is there everything will be fine. Are they picking you up here? Do we need to figure a way to get you to town?”

“There is a pick up point that only I can show up at. There are a couple of other people that are going to be there. We’re not to speak to one another or compare notes. A truck or jeep is going to meet us there and then we are being taken to town. After I find out if I can use what they have, the process will reverse and I’ll basically be back when I get back.”

I spent the rest of that day and the next doing what I could to get out ahead of what I could, and that included dealing with some belated worries … mine, Cade’s, and the kids’. I also also decided to be super paranoid and back a few things in the lining of my coat. Some energy foods snack balls that were high protein and low carb[1] and pemmican[2]. All that protein and fat would be hard on my IBS but if I needed to control my glucose, they were about the best option under the circumstances. Knowing that drinking water might be in scarce supply, I also hid a camelbak in the lining of my coat for just in case. I felt a little silly until Cade also insisted that I added a ceramic knife from the kitchen.

“It won’t set off a metal detector if they have them up and running and … and I feel better. If you have to dump the blade, it isn’t anything we can’t live without.” I nodded.

The next morning as I walked alone down the road further than I had in some time, my nerves were stretched tight but more from general stress of worrying about leaving the kids and Cade than any kind of prescience. It was an opportunity to get more insulin in some form I kept telling myself, a way to save my family from worry, a way for me to keep going.

The closer I got to the pick up point the better I could see two people walking towards me. Both of them were older and appeared to be in ill health. When we met at the point, neither would meet my eyes. None of us spoke. A few minutes later a truck showed up and we were directed to climb into the truck bed. I was glad of my coat then because it was cold as the truck took off. I tried to catch the eyes of the other two but they pointblank refused so I had no one to share my alarm with.

It was bad when we got to the crossing point. We were ordered out of the truck and told to cross to the other side on our own. I saw three other people crossing from the opposite side. They were young and abled bodied … at one point. They looked emaciated and defeated until they saw who was waiting on the side we’d just left from. I knew right then something was wrong. I just didn’t know what it was.


[1] 23 No-Bake Protein Ball Recipes to Try Today
[2] Pemmican and Diabetes: How This Food Can Help Control Blood Sugar Levels – Health Equality Insurance
 
Thanks Kathy. I'm sorry someone stole your work. It's a deeply personal violation, so you take whatever time you need to process it. I deleted practically everything I had online and stopped posting for YEARS after it happened to me. I don't post anything important online anymore, just a few pieces of fanfiction which I don't care as much about.
 
ydderf said:
If you told us who the a hole on you tube we could all send nasty comments/letters.
Click to expand...

I already got them deplatformed on youtube. He was well-known in the zombie genre. I have no idea how many others he did this to. His handle is still out there so he may be posting through other channels. I'm keeping an eye on it. That level of arrogance is exhausting to deal with.
 
If you message me off-thread, I will share the name. I'm just not comfortable sending moar zombies after him on my behalf. This isn't about vengeance. If you all want to keep an eye out then fine but I don't want to sink to his level. Thank y'all for understanding. I'm sure I'm not his only victim. I'm also sure that other audiobook channels out there do the same to other people. They even do it to each other. The whole use of AI to disenfranchise other people for profit is like having something stuck in my craw.
 
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