Okay, last ones, I promise. 
Q: How can you tell if your wife is dead?
A: The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.
Q: How can you tell if your husband is dead?
A: The sex is the same, but you get the remote.
Q: What's the difference between a g-spot and a golf ball?
A: A man will spend 20 minutes looking for a golf ball.
Q: How can you tell if you're at a bulimic bachelor party?
A: The cake jumps out of the girl.
Q: Why does a bride smile when she walks up the aisle?
A: She knows she's given her last blow job.
Q: How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
A: Put a nipple on it.
Q: Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
A: Mace.
Q: What do you call the inanimate tissue around a vagina?
A: A woman.
Q: What is the insensitive bit at the base of the penis called?
A: The man.
Q: What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea?
A: A salad shooter...........
Q: What has four legs and eight arms?
A: A pit-bull terrier at a children's play area.
Q: What's the difference between the Rolling Stones and a Scotsman?
A: One says "Hey, you, get off of my cloud."
The other says, "Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe."
Q: How can you tell the porno star at the gas station?
A: Just as the gas starts up the hose, he pulls out the nozzle and sprays the gas all over the car.
Q: What have men and floor tiles got in common?
A: If you lay them properly, you can walk on them for the rest of your life!
Q: Did you hear about the prostitute with the collostomy?
A: She wanted to make a little money on the side.
Q: What do you call a truck driver with a load of sheep headed for Montana?
A: A pimp.
Q: Why do drivers education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
A: Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw.
Q: Why don't they teach driver's education and sex education on the same day in Iraq?
A: They don't want to wear out the camel.
Q: How do you know when you're staying in an Arkansas hotel?
A: When you call the front desk and say "I've gotta leak in my sink" and the person at the front desk says "Go ahead."
Q: How can you tell if your wife is dead?
A: The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.
Q: How can you tell if your husband is dead?
A: The sex is the same, but you get the remote.
Q: What's the difference between a g-spot and a golf ball?
A: A man will spend 20 minutes looking for a golf ball.
Q: How can you tell if you're at a bulimic bachelor party?
A: The cake jumps out of the girl.
Q: Why does a bride smile when she walks up the aisle?
A: She knows she's given her last blow job.
Q: How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
A: Put a nipple on it.
Q: Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
A: Mace.
Q: What do you call the inanimate tissue around a vagina?
A: A woman.
Q: What is the insensitive bit at the base of the penis called?
A: The man.
Q: What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea?
A: A salad shooter...........
Q: What has four legs and eight arms?
A: A pit-bull terrier at a children's play area.
Q: What's the difference between the Rolling Stones and a Scotsman?
A: One says "Hey, you, get off of my cloud."
The other says, "Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe."
Q: How can you tell the porno star at the gas station?
A: Just as the gas starts up the hose, he pulls out the nozzle and sprays the gas all over the car.
Q: What have men and floor tiles got in common?
A: If you lay them properly, you can walk on them for the rest of your life!
Q: Did you hear about the prostitute with the collostomy?
A: She wanted to make a little money on the side.
Q: What do you call a truck driver with a load of sheep headed for Montana?
A: A pimp.
Q: Why do drivers education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
A: Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw.
Q: Why don't they teach driver's education and sex education on the same day in Iraq?
A: They don't want to wear out the camel.
Q: How do you know when you're staying in an Arkansas hotel?
A: When you call the front desk and say "I've gotta leak in my sink" and the person at the front desk says "Go ahead."
