“Emilia, why don’t you help Doug back to rest for a while? We can’t burn up all his energy at one sitting. Doug, you need to do everything you can to get healthier as soon as possible. As much as it pains me to say it, one Marine can’t do it all. Besides, I need to talk to Heidi for a bit.” Jesse’s voice sounded tired in its own right as he voiced this suggestion.
Doug saw the wisdom in this. He still had to check the drug chart and see what he needed to do maintenance of his electrolytes and such and get more fluid in him. He knew the next period of time would be taxing. He needed to be able to do as much as he could.
Emilia was seeing more of the hidden side of her mother over the past hours. There was a whole different tone and focus. Between her, Doug, and Mr Barnhart, she was furiously writing notes and making diagrams. When Mr Barnhart suggested helping Doug get rested, she was happy to do so. She wanted him to stay on top of things. She didn’t want to have any repeat of the other day. She wouldn’t be disappointed to never do that again. Once again, her mind went back to her mother. What Emilia has seen and done was a tiny drop in the ocean of what her mom has seen and done. Is it any wonder why she was crazy? Her mom earned that shit honestly.
After Doug and Emilia left the room, Jesse went to the counter and scooped up the bottle of scotch and two glasses.
“Come on, Heidi. We need to talk.” Jesse walked out onto the porch. Once he was outside, he set the bottle and glasses on the heavy crossbeam that made up the handrails of the porch. After Heidi walked out to join him, he poured half a glass for each of them. Heidi eyed the glass with some trepidation. Jesse noticed the look.
“Not your brand?”
“The brand isn’t a problem. It’s more about the fact most people don’t like me very much when I drink.” Heidi said as she leaned her elbows on the railing.
“Why? Do you act silly, dance naked, and sloppily proclaim your love for strangers? I promise you, my heart would explode before you got to number four of the seven veils dance. But, I bet that isn’t it.” Jesse stated in a matter of fact tone as he stared out into the yard, his own elbows leaning against the rail. He had one of the tumblers in his hands now. “Which is it? Debby Downer or no filter Nancy?”
“More like Angry Alice or Violent Veronica. How did you know?” Heidi had the other glass in her hands, rolling it between her palms. The heat of her hands were warming the scotch so she could smell the peaty aroma wafting up from it. She too was staring out into the distance.
“Well, we aren’t out here to get tight and wasted. I just felt the need for some lubrication for my words. Besides, I was taught it was impolite to not share, especially with a lady.” Jesse wasn’t sure where to begin with what he wanted to talk about.
“The last time I drank, I destroyed half of my garage. I have been careful to avoid since.” Heidi paused, then continued. “You seem to have stuff you want to talk about. I will listen and drink on one condition. I work on what’s in this glass,” she gestured with the glass in her hands “and you don’t refill it regardless of what I say to the contrary. Deal?”
“Deal.” Jesse was still at a loss for where to begin. His grandfather’s words came back to him. ‘Begin at the beginning.’ “I didn’t want to discuss it in there with the other two around. I don’t know your background much, but I know you have seen a lot of ‘something’.”
“Oh?” Heidi was surprised at this. She figured it must have been the way she laid out data and her suppositions, maybe. “What makes you say that?”
“It’s your eyes.” Jesse began.
Heidi’s head dropped down between her shoulders. Her eyes? There they go again, attracting the wrong sort of attention. The two colors of her eyes were a source of a thousand pick-up lines and cheesy comments. Jesse continued.
“Your eyes show things the others don’t know to see. Your eyes remind me of a Gunnery Sargent I worked for long ago. He spent three tours in a far off jungle doing things he could not describe nor was willing to talk about again. They also remind me of my Grandfathers eyes. He did five first wave hot beach landings in the Pacific during WWII. We never found out until we got a copy of his record to set his uniform right for the funeral. Your eyes, as beautiful and unique as they are, for me carry a look that says a much different message.” Jesse took a sip from his glass.
Heidi didn’t know what to say. This was not what she was expecting when he started talking about her eyes. She looked at the bottom of her glass through the scotch. Jesse continued after his momentary pause.
“Doug mentioned you had OIF experience. That means you are a lot more current than any of my warfare training and experience. My warfighting was anti druggies in South America and Operation Just Cause and Desert Storm. I was too late for Viet Nam and retired by the time all the 9/11 stuff started. Doug has the one real firefight at the store last week, and Zed has killed tons of animals but never any action on a two-way range that I know of.”
Heidi felt the weight of what he was implying start to settle on her shoulders. The next swallow of scotch was larger.
Jesse moved on to the next topic.
“Earlier today when you opened the door, you startled the hell out of me. I feel I need to tell you why.” He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a well-worn and scared leather wallet. Opening it up, Heidi could see the windows in it holding snapshots. Jesse leafed through them. She saw a couple of a young man and wife with a little girl, and one with a female Marine in full dress uniform. Jesse seemed to get to the one he wanted. He pulled it from the window and held it out. It looked like a candid picture taken at an event. There was a woman in a leotard, her hands covered in chalk. She was smiling up at the camera.
“This was my wife Karen. She was a gymnast and built very much like you. When you opened the door and I saw you silhouetted there, I couldn’t help it. My brain thought it was her, not someone else. Sometimes I catch you out of the corner of my eye,” Jesse’s words faltered. Heidi wasn’t sure what to do. After a few minutes of awkward silence, Heidi felt she had to speak.
“How long has she been gone?”
“She was killed by terrorists over Lockerbie in 1988.” Jesse’s voice sounded wet and halting. Another sip of scotch and he continued. “I needed you to know. I didn’t want you to worry or feel strange if every now and then I stare. I didn’t want you to be uncomfortable. I’m not being a dirty old man. I’m seeing ghosts. I didn’t want to go into it with them.” He pointed a thumb over his shoulder. “I don’t think they would understand. More importantly, I didn’t want to talk about it with a bunch of people. However, I figured I owed you an explanation.” Jesse took another long pull from his glass.
Heidi wasn’t sure what to say. She felt she had to say something. Before she knew it, she started talking. She didn’t know where the words came from, but they felt right.
“I can tell you loved her deeply. If my father is right, you will be with her in the end. Love like that can only be delayed, not stopped.”
“Your father sounds like a wise man.”
“He was. I find myself praying for his guidance time and time again. I wish he was here now. He could be much more helpful in many ways than me. If he was, I’m sure God would understand and let him help.”
Jesse got a puzzled look on his face when he looked over to her. She was taking a large swallow of scotch.
“What did your father do that would help now?”
“Well for one, he would be better talking with you about heaven and the afterlife.” She stared at the bottom of her glass for a moment, then out to the mountains in the distance. “He was a minister all my life.”
“Must have been hard growing up the preacher’s daughter”
“Only child of a single parent, who’s parent was the Minister.” Heidi took another slug of scotch.
“Ouch! You must have chaffed and kicked against it a bit growing up.” Jesse was now watching her.
“Oh, yeah. I rebelled in a big way. I carry the results of the rebellion to this day.” Heidi’s tone said in no uncertain terms that topic was closed.
“So he was a preacher. What was the bit about God understanding? God has always allowed his faithful servants to defend their flock. I know the whole Commandments about ‘Thou Shalt not Kill’ but that is the more modern version.” Jesse sounded a little puzzled. Heidi started nodding her head in agreement.
“Yeah, he was a biblical scholar of sorts. The line from the original was more technically ‘Thou Shall Not Murder’ than kill. Look at the monastic warriors from the ages of the Crusades. Fighters committed to defense of the flock. No, it was more about the promise to give up war and preach his word if God saw fit for him to survive his situation. He was once a soldier and was on the losing side of a war.”
Now Jesse was curious but too polite to ask. Heidi could see the question, though.
“Many lifetimes ago, he fought the Communists in an ugly little war. He was one of the Selous Scouts. A real one, not the trumped up ‘White Power” BS or the “mercenary wanabe’. He was just a young man trying to defend his country from the communist–backed invaders.” Jesse was just shaking his head in awe as she told him this.
Heidi continued. “I didn’t find any of this out until we had a long talk when I was on leave from my second assignment. My mother was an American reporter he got to know. They were in love. They got married and he was able to come to the states. She died when I was very young. She had caught a fatal disease while in Africa during a later assignment.” Heidi took another long pull of the scotch in her glass. “So, I was raised by a born again, hard as woodpecker lips, single parent Minister. There’s a recipe for repressed anger issues if I ever saw one.”
She drained her glass. “Tell you what, old man. You back my play and cross-check any of my ‘brilliant’ ideas for common sense, and we will get through this, one way or another.” She didn’t know why she did it, but she turned and gave him a hug, squeezing tight, making him squeak just a little. He wrapped his long arms around her and reciprocated. As he did, his nose was once again filled with the scent of lavender. Probably from her shampoo, but his eyes teared up just the same. Their embrace lasted quite a while, how long neither were sure. Heidi broke the embrace and went inside.
Jesse stood on the porch and sipped the last of the scotch from his glass. It took some time to compose himself. He could hear pots and pans moving around in the kitchen. That’s the daughter we could have had. The thought came to his head from somewhere. He though he knew. His reply was just as strongly thought. ‘I’m sure she would have been as magnificent as Heidi is.’