MAKE ME LAUGH!

Old Reliable

Veteran Member
halloween joke

A cabbie picks up a Nun.

She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver
won't stop staring at her.

She asks him why he is staring.

He replies:
"I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you."

She answers,
"My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have
been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just
about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask
that I would find offensive."

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."

She res ponds,
"Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single
and #2, you must be Catholic."

The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and
Catholic!"

"OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."

The nun fulfills his fantasy, with a kiss that would make a hooker
blush.

But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

"My dear child," says the nun, "why are you crying?"

"Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married
and I'm Jewish."

The nun says, "That's OK.
My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party."
 

Old Reliable

Veteran Member
the dice

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table.
A very attractive blonde woman from Alabama arrived ...and bet twenty-thousand dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice.

She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier When I play topless."
With that, she stripped to the waist; rolled the dice; and yelled, "Come on, baby.... Southern Girl needs new clothes!"

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up-and-down. . and squealed...
"YES! YES! I WON! I WON!"
She hugged each of the dealers... and then picked up her winnings and her clothes, and quickly departed.

The dealers stared a each other dumfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"
The other answered, "I don't know...I thought you were watching."

Moral ---
Not all Southerners are stupid.
Not all blondes are dumb.
 

Old Reliable

Veteran Member
Union Rules & Hookers----

A dedicated Teamsters union worker was attending a convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels. When he got to the first one, he asked the Madam, "Is this a union house?"

"No," she replied, "I'm sorry it isn't."

"Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"

"The house gets $80 and the girls get $20," she answered

Offended at such unfair dealings, the union man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized shop. His search continued until finally he reached a brothel where the Madam responded, "Why yes sir, this is a union house.
!
We observe all union rules."

The man asked, "And if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?" "The girls get $80 and the house gets $20."

"That's more like it!" the union man said.

He handed the Madam $100, looked around the room, and pointed to a stunningly attractive blonde.

"I'd like her," he said.

"I'm sure you would, sir," said the Madam. Then she gestured to a 92-year old woman in the corner, "but Ethel here has 67 years seniority and according to union rules, she's next."
 
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