Have you ever spoken and wished that you could take the words
back...or that you could crawl into a hole?
Here are a few stories of people who did and do ...
1) How much for...
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and
asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I
turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband
didn't say a word; he knew better.
2) I think I like...
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was
unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for
> several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen
> who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without
> thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's
> balls!!!"
>
>
> 3) Nuts about You...
> My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a
> variety of nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy
> behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm
> just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically,
> the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day,
> my sister has never let me forget.
>
>
> 4) I saw Mommy kissing...
> While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release
> some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of
> her after
> receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her
> that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To
> my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as
> threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that
> I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was
> deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped
> what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked
> out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the
> door closed behind me were screams of laughter.
>
>
> 5) What kind do you want?
> A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally
> got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price
> tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom
> and boomed out for all the store to hear, "PRICE CHECK ON LANE
> THIRTEEN, TAMPAX SUPER SIZE." That was bad enough, but somebody at the
> rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word "Tampax" for
> "THUMBTACKS." In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the
> intercom. "DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE
> KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?"
>
>
> 6) For the last time...
> Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My
> three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was
> on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch
> in between errands. It
> was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I
> smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old
> daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to
> go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said
> "No." I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I
> don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you
> didn't have an accident?"
> "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident,
> because
> the smell was getting worse. Soooooo! I asked one more time, "Danny,
> did
> you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants,
> bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled. "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"
> While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he
> calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel
> better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!!
>
>
> 7) About last night...
> This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very
> embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think
> before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get
> any? A true story:
> We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have
> snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob,
> where's
> that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to
> leave
> the set but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!
back...or that you could crawl into a hole?
Here are a few stories of people who did and do ...
1) How much for...
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and
asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I
turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband
didn't say a word; he knew better.
2) I think I like...
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was
unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for > several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen
> who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without
> thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's
> balls!!!"
>
>
> 3) Nuts about You...
> My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a
> variety of nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy
> behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm
> just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically,
> the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day,
> my sister has never let me forget.
>
>
> 4) I saw Mommy kissing...
> While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release
> some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of
> her after
> receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her
> that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To
> my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as
> threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that
> I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was
> deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped
> what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked
> out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the
> door closed behind me were screams of laughter.
>
>
> 5) What kind do you want?
> A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally
> got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price
> tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom
> and boomed out for all the store to hear, "PRICE CHECK ON LANE
> THIRTEEN, TAMPAX SUPER SIZE." That was bad enough, but somebody at the
> rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word "Tampax" for
> "THUMBTACKS." In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the
> intercom. "DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE
> KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?"
>
>
> 6) For the last time...
> Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My
> three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was
> on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch
> in between errands. It
> was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I
> smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old
> daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to
> go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said
> "No." I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I
> don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you
> didn't have an accident?"
> "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident,
> because
> the smell was getting worse. Soooooo! I asked one more time, "Danny,
> did
> you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants,
> bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled. "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"
> While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he
> calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel
> better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!!
>
>
> 7) About last night...
> This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very
> embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think
> before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get
> any? A true story:
> We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have
> snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob,
> where's
> that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to
> leave
> the set but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!
