PLAY The Official 'Just Because' Humor Thread

packyderms_wife

packyderms_wife

Neither here nor there.
UtBMUdQ.jpg
 
R

Rabbit

Has No Life - Lives on TB
Be Well, post #124. I laughed until I was crying. That is one of the funniest skits in TV history and after all the news lately I sure needed it. Thank you.
 
fairbanksb

fairbanksb

Freedom Isn't Free
Eight Words With Two Meanings

1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female...... Any part under a car's hood.
Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male..... Playing football without a cup.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko- mit-ment) n.
Female..... A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female.... An embarrassing by-product of indigestion.
Male...... A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.

7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female...... The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male..... Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.

8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.

AND;
He said.... I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in
it.
She said.... You wear pants don't you?

He said..... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said... That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while
I sit on the sofa and fart!

He said..... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said ....Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

He said..... Why are married women heavier than single women?
She said.... Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go
to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the
fridge.
 
bw

bw

Fringe Ranger
fairbanksb said:
He said..... Why are married women heavier than single women?
She said.... Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go
to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the
fridge.
Click to expand...

I like that one.
 
MinnesotaSmith

MinnesotaSmith

Membership Revoked
A self-conscious wife asks her husband, "Honey, are my boobs too small?"

"No, honey, they're fine, but if you want to make them bigger, why don't you rub toilet paper between them?" he suggests.

For the next couple of weeks, the wife rubs toilet paper between her boobs several times a day, but sees no results.

"Honey, where did you get the idea that this toilet paper thing would work?"

"Well, it worked on your butt, didn't it?"
 
MinnesotaSmith

MinnesotaSmith

Membership Revoked
Back when Bill Clinton was still President, one time he got off the helicopter in front of the White House with a baby hog under each arm. The Marine guard snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "Nice pigs, sir". The President replied, "Son, these are not pigs, these are authentic Arkansas Razorback hogs. I got one for Hillary and one for Chelsea." The Marine again snapped to attention, saluted, and replied, "Good trade, sir!"

source: http://www.jokes4us.com/moreadultjokes/arkansasrazorbacksjoke.html

=====================================================================

What is the ideal weight for a lawyer?

Three pounds, including the urn.
 
Bardou

Bardou

Veteran Member
This is not a joke! :siren:

Please boycott and do NOT use the $1, $20, $50, & $100 bills, as they depict slave owners on them. You may send them to me, and I will see to it that they are disposed of properly. Thank you very much!!
 
Terriannie

Terriannie

Has No Life - Lives on TB
Bardou said:
This is not a joke! :siren:

Please boycott and do NOT use the $1, $20, $50, & $100 bills, as they depict slave owners on them. You may send them to me, and I will see to it that they are disposed of properly. Thank you very much!!
Click to expand...

You beat me to it!!! I got the same thing in an email!
 
Terriannie

Terriannie

Has No Life - Lives on TB
Possible Impact said:
SEC Fort Worth‏ Verified account @FortWorth_SEC Aug 16
It’s so hot in Fort Worth today
that two hobbits just came by
and threw a ring into our office.
Click to expand...

OMG those guys in Securities Exchange Commision are hilarious!!!! Who knew Government financial egghead wizards had a sense of humor! I picture them buried in numbers, numbers, numbers.

More:

We think that if you see a chameleon, it probably needs more practice.

People told us that time is money, but we don’t buy that for a second.

Even if you play your cards right, you might not be playing with a full deck.

Do you know what “churning” is? Hint: In our world, it has nothing to do with butter. Mmmm. Butter. http://ow.ly/X3sq30ei4CJ (One guy even tweeted: when did they start allowing senses of humor at the government? :-D )

We believe that jousting was the earliest kind of poker knight.

Follow @FortWorth_SEC because we know how to slam revolving doors.

Depressing thought: Today’s current events are tomorrow’s history class.

We picked up a few items at the inconvenience store. It was awful.

Friday musing: Why are they “apartments” when they are so close together?

We believe that astronomers should be called skyentists.

We think that a hospital network should be called an IV league.

We stopped eating alphabet soup because it kept putting words in our mouth.

Why is “heavens, no” but “hell, yes?”
 
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