http://www.naplesnews.com/news/2010/feb/08/life-heald-keep-middle-finger-tucked-away-or-face-/
Keep that middle finger tucked away, or face the costly $$ consequences
A while back, the head coach of the New York Jets was in the news for the wrong reason. While attending an MMA event in Miami, he was booed by many of the fans in attendance and responded with an obscene gesture. This bit of amateur finger puppetry earned him a $50,000 fine from his employer. I want to know why, since man first learned to fly with his fingers, have we all had to refer to a rogue finger flying a solo mission as an “obscene gesture?”
Michael Vick, another sports figure in the news for all the wrong reasons, once left the field sporting dueling obscene gestures. He paid handsomely for this bit of misplaced gun slinging. At the time, he played for the Atlanta Falcons. I always thought if he was smart, he would have offered up some defense based on the team’s name and said something like, “I was just letting the Falcons fly.” Instead, he too, paid handsomely for his obscene gesture.
My question is this, why can’t we call it what it is? If I told you I went hunting and shot a bird, would you be offended? If I told you we had a great turkey on Thanksgiving because I shot the bird full of spicy marinade before I cooked it, would you be offended then? I don’t even think it’s that much of a stretch to say that when somebody does an obscene gesture, in a way, they’re actually being polite. Do you really want to hear what they’re thinking? If the old coach had said what he was thinking, he’s looking at $100,000 easy.
Here’s some more food for thought. Michael Jackson used to grab his crotch all the time. Paint that picture any way you want, that’s an obscene gesture. Baseball players grab their crotches all the time, to the point that you fear some adhesive has failed and it’s all they can do to keep their crotches attached. That’s an obscene gesture.
And then there is this silly business of blurring it out of the video images. There are parts of the human anatomy for which the blurring option is perfect. Certain crevices with little to no annual sunshine and the occasional escaped mammary gland are not items young children need to see. But blurring out a finger? If fingers are that obscene, why do we have 10 of them?
Now you’re going to say, “I don’t want my kid going around putting his middle finger in the air.” Then you’re good when Junior does the occasional crotch grab at the dinner table? Joe Namath, in one of the most iconic pictures in sport, runs off the field after Super Bowl III with his index finger held aloft. If it had been his middle finger, we would have burned his jock strap. Why is this? What did the middle finger do?
One could easily argue the middle finger is the better of the two. It’s bigger, it’s seems to be the leader of the other fingers, and yet, when it chooses to speak alone, it suffers universal condemnation. What’s worse is that if you pair the two fingers, you have the beloved “peace” symbol. Take away the middle finger and it’s “We’re number one!” But take away the index finger and it’s 50 large out of your checking account.
There’s something not quite right about that, but I just can’t put my finger on it.
- - -
Kevin Heald is a native Floridian who has lived in Naples most of his life. He writes, plays golf and coaches baseball with a level of mediocrity rarely seen. He began work on his book “Too Many Items in the Express Line and Other Crimes Against Humanity” when he was given his first typewriter and hopes to finish it before the next lunar landing. A childhood accident with the “big nose and hairy eyebrows” glasses left him seeing life a little different than the rest of us. He met his wife, Laura, in the sixth grade when he cheated off her in math class and when she didn’t turn him in, he figured she might be the one. She was. They have three sons and a dog named “Chowder.” Kevin speaks fluent sarcasm and encourages critical e-mail be sent to www.RUthatstupid.com.
Keep that middle finger tucked away, or face the costly $$ consequences
A while back, the head coach of the New York Jets was in the news for the wrong reason. While attending an MMA event in Miami, he was booed by many of the fans in attendance and responded with an obscene gesture. This bit of amateur finger puppetry earned him a $50,000 fine from his employer. I want to know why, since man first learned to fly with his fingers, have we all had to refer to a rogue finger flying a solo mission as an “obscene gesture?”
Michael Vick, another sports figure in the news for all the wrong reasons, once left the field sporting dueling obscene gestures. He paid handsomely for this bit of misplaced gun slinging. At the time, he played for the Atlanta Falcons. I always thought if he was smart, he would have offered up some defense based on the team’s name and said something like, “I was just letting the Falcons fly.” Instead, he too, paid handsomely for his obscene gesture.
My question is this, why can’t we call it what it is? If I told you I went hunting and shot a bird, would you be offended? If I told you we had a great turkey on Thanksgiving because I shot the bird full of spicy marinade before I cooked it, would you be offended then? I don’t even think it’s that much of a stretch to say that when somebody does an obscene gesture, in a way, they’re actually being polite. Do you really want to hear what they’re thinking? If the old coach had said what he was thinking, he’s looking at $100,000 easy.
Here’s some more food for thought. Michael Jackson used to grab his crotch all the time. Paint that picture any way you want, that’s an obscene gesture. Baseball players grab their crotches all the time, to the point that you fear some adhesive has failed and it’s all they can do to keep their crotches attached. That’s an obscene gesture.
And then there is this silly business of blurring it out of the video images. There are parts of the human anatomy for which the blurring option is perfect. Certain crevices with little to no annual sunshine and the occasional escaped mammary gland are not items young children need to see. But blurring out a finger? If fingers are that obscene, why do we have 10 of them?
Now you’re going to say, “I don’t want my kid going around putting his middle finger in the air.” Then you’re good when Junior does the occasional crotch grab at the dinner table? Joe Namath, in one of the most iconic pictures in sport, runs off the field after Super Bowl III with his index finger held aloft. If it had been his middle finger, we would have burned his jock strap. Why is this? What did the middle finger do?
One could easily argue the middle finger is the better of the two. It’s bigger, it’s seems to be the leader of the other fingers, and yet, when it chooses to speak alone, it suffers universal condemnation. What’s worse is that if you pair the two fingers, you have the beloved “peace” symbol. Take away the middle finger and it’s “We’re number one!” But take away the index finger and it’s 50 large out of your checking account.
There’s something not quite right about that, but I just can’t put my finger on it.
- - -
Kevin Heald is a native Floridian who has lived in Naples most of his life. He writes, plays golf and coaches baseball with a level of mediocrity rarely seen. He began work on his book “Too Many Items in the Express Line and Other Crimes Against Humanity” when he was given his first typewriter and hopes to finish it before the next lunar landing. A childhood accident with the “big nose and hairy eyebrows” glasses left him seeing life a little different than the rest of us. He met his wife, Laura, in the sixth grade when he cheated off her in math class and when she didn’t turn him in, he figured she might be the one. She was. They have three sons and a dog named “Chowder.” Kevin speaks fluent sarcasm and encourages critical e-mail be sent to www.RUthatstupid.com.
