Hognutz
TB Fanatic
Florida
A Florida senior citizen
drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off
down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what
little hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-95, pushing
the pedal even more.
Looking in his
rear view mirror, he saw a Florida State Trooper, blue lights flashing and
siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he
thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this!" and pulled over to await the
trooper's arrival.
Pulling in behind
him, the trooper got out of his vehicle and walked up to the Corvette. He
looked at his watch, then said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is
Friday. If you can give me a new reason for speeding--a reason I've never
before heard -- I'll let you go."
The old gentleman
paused then said: "Three years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State
Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back.
"Have a good day,
Sir," replied the trooper.
Georgia
The
owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying
an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical
help.
He
called her into his office and said, "Y'all graduated from the University of
Georgia and I need some
help. If I wuz to give yew $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take
off?"
The
secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everthang but my
earrings."
Louisiana
A
senior citizen in Louisiana was overheard
saying ... "When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana ." When
asked why, he replied, "I'd rather be in Louisiana 'cause every thang happens in Louisiana 20 years
later than in the rest of the world."
Mississippi
The
young man from Mississippi came running into the store and
said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the
parking lot!" Bubba
replied, "Did y'all see who it was?" The young man answered, "I couldn't
tell, but I got the license number."
North
Carolina
A
man in North
Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of
the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and
one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait. A passerby studied
the scene as he drove by, and was so curious he turned around and went back.
He asked the fellow what the problem was. The man replied, "I got a flat
tahr."
The
passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?" The man responded, "When
you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the
back. I never did understand it neither."
Tennessee
A
Tennessee
State trooper pulled over
a pickup on I-65. The trooper asked, "Got any ID?"
The
driver replied, "Bout whut?"
Texas
The
Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into
the ditch. The Sheriff asked, "Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don't
you see that sign right over your head." "Yep," he replied. "That's why
I'm dumpin' it here, 'cause it says: 'Fine For Dumping Garbage.'
"
Y'all
kin say whut y'all want 'about the South,
but y'all never heard o' nobody
retirin' an' movin' North.
A Florida senior citizen
drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off
down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what
little hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-95, pushing
the pedal even more.
Looking in his
rear view mirror, he saw a Florida State Trooper, blue lights flashing and
siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he
thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this!" and pulled over to await the
trooper's arrival.
Pulling in behind
him, the trooper got out of his vehicle and walked up to the Corvette. He
looked at his watch, then said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is
Friday. If you can give me a new reason for speeding--a reason I've never
before heard -- I'll let you go."
The old gentleman
paused then said: "Three years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State
Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back.
"Have a good day,
Sir," replied the trooper.
Georgia
The
owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying
an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical
help.
He
called her into his office and said, "Y'all graduated from the University of
Georgia and I need some
help. If I wuz to give yew $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take
off?"
The
secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everthang but my
earrings."
Louisiana
A
senior citizen in Louisiana was overheard
saying ... "When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana ." When
asked why, he replied, "I'd rather be in Louisiana 'cause every thang happens in Louisiana 20 years
later than in the rest of the world."
Mississippi
The
young man from Mississippi came running into the store and
said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the
parking lot!" Bubba
replied, "Did y'all see who it was?" The young man answered, "I couldn't
tell, but I got the license number."
North
Carolina
A
man in North
Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of
the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and
one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait. A passerby studied
the scene as he drove by, and was so curious he turned around and went back.
He asked the fellow what the problem was. The man replied, "I got a flat
tahr."
The
passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?" The man responded, "When
you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the
back. I never did understand it neither."
Tennessee
A
Tennessee
State trooper pulled over
a pickup on I-65. The trooper asked, "Got any ID?"
The
driver replied, "Bout whut?"
Texas
The
Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into
the ditch. The Sheriff asked, "Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don't
you see that sign right over your head." "Yep," he replied. "That's why
I'm dumpin' it here, 'cause it says: 'Fine For Dumping Garbage.'
"
Y'all
kin say whut y'all want 'about the South,
but y'all never heard o' nobody
retirin' an' movin' North.
