sottise en quarantaine

Bumblepuff · Feb 3, 2011

"Quarantine of Bumblepuff is necessary to prevent permeable contamination
of wanton satire into other threads. Incarceration of odd captions within this
single designated thread on the Silly forum guarantees that other members
will not be offended by contentious disruptions or blight upon conceits within
their own separate topical threads due to undefined dysfunctional variables
generated by Bumblepuff unless they are assertively nosey and compulsively
click on this pathetic trite thread. Cranky senior citizens and flippant dyslexic
miscreants are advised to use the Ignore function in order to avoid exposure
to silly piffle from Bumblepuff, who will not be enchained in trolling limbo for
spastic hissy fits from prissy hypocritical voyeurs. This tin foil hat image will
be used whenever insipid updates are required for clarification or obfuscation.
Vielleicht. Tactless taunts, incoherent babble and images posted by others
on this thread during deranged quarantine may be used in absurd skewing
with possible multiple levels of interpretation or more likely incomprehensible
meandering of verbose taint in conjunction with abstract symbolism and/or
secret codes sabotaging conceptual continuity. Informative comments and
intriguing images posted on other threads may be used out of context for
nonsensical purposes here and subsequently should not be taken seriously
unless you are besieged by involuntary blubbering or uncontrollable paranoia
which frequently runs rampant when rabid moonbats are loose in the asylum.
Having perused snarky comments on my previous posts, I openly admit that
I do not drink alcoholic beverages, do not smoke and do not take any illegal
drugs or prescription medications; therefore, certain critics who have publicly
insinuated that my posted captions indicated I was drunk, stoned or halluci-
nating are either confused or clueless. This thread will formulate perpetual
nonsense until its fraying fuse is truncated or atrophies into banal mummified
incompetence; furthermore, this cyber atrocity has no obvious correlation to
frelling aliens performing imaginary probes during spontaneous daydreaming or
wild nightmares causing urinary incontinence. Revisions, redundancies, peculiar
words, inexplicable misspellings, bizarre concepts and all such literary artifice
will occur with maddening inconsistency until imagination implodes and silent
sordid syllables cease mutating to the best of my own bewildering disabilities."

Bumblepuff · Feb 3, 2011

"...and now for something incompletely indifferent yet entirely insubstantial..."

Bumblepuff · Feb 3, 2011

____________

While visiting Mugwump Mall near the coast of Bug Bomb Bay, Spongebob Squarepants wandered through
an open side door into a large back room and was perplexed to see many yellow sponges similar to himself
yet silent and stiff, lacking appendages and sensory organs. Spongebob wondered if they were clones used
in experimental genetic research, or replicants destined for future clandestine sabotage on dangerous mis-
sions, or common mummies awaiting mass interment within subterranean tombs, or maybe even life-size
companion dolls kept in stock for custom modifications ordered by amorous clients. Naturally absorbed as he
pondered the existence of these immobile rectangular shapes, Spongebob was unaware that hidden cameras
monitoring the large room had alerted security personnel to deal with his intrusion into the storage facility of
Soylent Yellow, a company which specialized in rendering yellow sponges into deliciously exquisite desserts
prized by Asian restauranteurs and refined epicureans. Poor Spongebob would soon be porous sponge cake.

Bumblepuff · Feb 3, 2011

Sozo · Feb 4, 2011

http://www.contrib.andrew.cmu.edu/~frios/bunny-pancake.jpg

Bumblepuff · Feb 4, 2011

___________________________________

"Yeah, it was a very lengthy, emotionally painful and bone-shattering court
battle, but the lawsuit was finally settled. When Skeletor confessed he was
my father, paternal love won out. Well, that and a damn good lawyer. Heh.
The jury awarded me a huge cash settlement extracted from his lucrative
media royalties which I used to pay off my gambling debts and start a new
diet club. I have written a new book titled "Bare Bones: The Ultimate Diet"
which is fast becoming a best seller, especially after Oprah gushed over it
last week. Now I'm in hot demand on radio talk show circuits, and I speak at
weight watcher meetings across the country. I feel great and don't have an
ounce of fat on me! If you lost some of your blubber, you'd feel like a new
woman, Rosie! The key to losing weight on my Bare Bones plan is to chew
gristle, lots and lots of gristle. Chewing gristle continually burns calories,
satisfies oral fixation and provides a calm sense of relaxation much like a
cow chewing cud or a dog gnawing rawhide. However, the significant and
amazing difference in the Bare Bones plan is that my diet gristle products
come in a variety of gourmet flavors and supply all necessary vitamins and
minerals needed to shed extra biomass yet maintain optimal metabolism.
Some of my diet devotees enjoy putting gristle in a blender to make creamy
smoothies. My gristle diet is ecologically safe because my processing plant
uses only recycled animal parts and by-products that would otherwise end
up buried in third world garbage dumps. I have brought a few of my most
popular gristle chew products for you to sample. Would you like to try the
Meaty Chuckwagon, Broccoli Bites, Chocolate Sinew or Toothy Tutti-Frutti?"

Bumblepuff · Feb 5, 2011

In an act viewed by political observers as irrational desperation, the Egyptian government
of Hosni Mubarak has issued a nationwide declaration of outrage against opposition leaders
after a cabinet member noticed the nose of the Great Sphinx had been desecrated. Egyptian
political opponents immediately responded by stating they were not responsible for damage
to the Great Sphinx and that the famous monument has been in disrepair for centuries due to
erosion by natural elements of wind and weather. Mubarak's government responded that they
were lying and attempting to undermine sensitive negotiations with hateful words designed to
sabotage the noble honor of Mubarak, his loyal subjects and lovers of Egyptian antiquity, and
that not satisfied with desecrating the old Cairo Museum, they were obliterating the glorious
heritage of Egyptian dynasties. Meanwhile, Hamas is claiming that they were responsible for
chopping off the nose because the Great Sphinx did not face Mecca and was therefore an open
insult to Allah, Mohammed his prophet and obedient Muslims around the world. Hamas boldly
warned that if Mubarak's government fails to move the Great Sphinx to proper Islamic orienta-
tion toward Mecca and neglects to cover her with a woolen burqa, then they will chop off her
head, which could take a long time because of her massive neck and an unexpected delay on
backordered industrial stone cutting equipment to be delivered from their Iranian suppliers.

Bumblepuff · Feb 5, 2011

Cindy Featherbender hugs her snowman that she made today.
Cindy said she had help from an old man who had passed out
on the street curb. Because he was just sitting there slumped
over, Cindy decided to mold snow around his body and make a
snowman. This was a lot easier than rolling up large snowballs
to stack. Cindy poked a hole for him to breathe and thinks he is
a nice guy to lend her his support, but she does wonder how he
will react when he wakes up encased in freezing packed snow.
For added decoration to her charming winter sculpture, Cindy
encircled him with colorful empty beer and wine glass bottles.

Cardinal · Feb 5, 2011

And where have YOU been? Hmmm???

Also, if you want to start a nonsensical thread, you need to take lessons.
All one has to do is post "I told you so" and the thread will run on for pages.

http://www.timebomb2000.com/vb/showthread.php?t=377909

Bumblepuff · Feb 6, 2011

A picture taken by a wildlife photographer has finally solved the mystery of
snow circles appearing across the wintery landscapes of the Midwest. The
peculiar snow circles seen by airplane pilots flying over white fields are now
proven to have been made by deer. Naturalists have no idea why deer are
making these trampled configurations and have requested a government
research grant to study these phenomena. Experts trained in dissection of
crop circle symbolism are completely baffled because these patterns are at
great variance with what has been analyzed in large crop fields during warm
weather growing seasons. However, Wasach, an old Native American Indian,
has a different opinion. After examining the collection of snow circle photos,
he says the deer are communicating with simple tracker sign language that
repeats the same themes: "Hunters Are Bad", "Do Not Hunt" and "Eat Beef".

Krymsonowl · Feb 6, 2011

Personally I think Bumblepuff is absolutely brilliant!!

Bumblepuff · Feb 6, 2011

Old-Fashioned Mediocrity

The annual Golden Coldies Winter Concert was packed solid with an excited audience who
gathered to hear celebrated vocalist Suzie Snowflake sing some old-time favorites such
as "Slippidee-Doo-Dah", "Catch My Drift", "Love Rolls Me Over" and "Carrots And Sticks".
Frosty and the Icicles played their cool instrumentals for energetic youngsters to dance.
Blizzard Concessions provided refreshments such as snow cones, ice cream and slushies.
The concert was a success, and the crowd dispersed before the sun could melt memories.

.........................................................................................................................
.........................................................................................................................

Frostbite On The Brain

At dusk a huge army of snow warriors positions themselves outside the targeted enemy
house and waits for the Snow King to give his signal for them to crash through a garage
door and liberate the captive hostages imprisoned inside a deep freezer. The two boys
who had stored their small snowballs during the day for later use had no clue they were
viewed as evil kidnappers guilty of snatching snowbabies from the snoozing snow stork.
This Blizzardkrieg will be successful because it was planned down to the last snowflake.

Bumblepuff · Feb 7, 2011

Ya know yer a redneck if ya believe weird ufos with
aliens is really jes' advanced flyin' vehicles used for
transportin' them damn illegals over our US borders.

Bumblepuff · Feb 8, 2011

Ronald McDonald was arrested today because of his continual threats and
notorious cyberspace campaign to expose the sordid secrets of fast foods
prepared in McDonald's restaurants. Ronald claims the processed foods and
beverages sold by the most popular burger chain in the world cause obesity,
mood swings, hyperactivity, diabetes and numerous other insidious diseases
leading to chronic illnesses and premature death. Ronald said he experienced
his epiphany after he started eating natural organic raw foods instead of the
greasy pasty gloppy slop served under the Golden Arches. As his body and
brain became cleansed of impurities from chemical additives, preservatives,
artificial flavors, artificial colorings, modified fats, nutritionless carbohydrates,
genetically altered proteins and a myriad of other ingredients with polysyllabic
nomenclature, Ronald realized he had been a foolish brainwashed mouthpiece
spouting deceitful propaganda and evil lies into impressionable young minds
of innocent children and ignorant gluttonous adults. Determined to do the right
thing and expose McDonald's as an enemy of Americans' good health, Ronald
launched his own YouTube channel and made videos detailing the immoral
corruption and illegal shenanigans of McDonald's top executives, marketing
associates and huge food processing companies. The number of YouTube hits
increased so fast as word spread that McLawyers took notice and contacted
McCorporate Headquarters. A warrant was issued for the arrest of Ronald for
reneging on his contractual obligations and knowingly speaking words which
contradicted official McFacts readily available at all McDonald's restaurants
and unswervingly believed by loyal burger flippers and fry cooks who have
pledged their undying McFaith in the McDonald's way of life. After the arrest
of the dangerously deranged pickled perpetrator, a McDonald's official stated
Ronald was suffering from massive delusions and fruit-juiced hallucinations
as a direct consequence of ingesting organic foods which resulted in a severe
mental imbalance and irrational behavior, and that before he had purposefully
plunged into the black pit of whole grain fiber and trace minerals, he had been
a happy-go-lucky drooling buffoonish clown satisfied with munching delicious
formulated McMeals while cavorting with Mayor McCheese, gay Grimace, and
promulgating smarmy multiculturalism. McLawyers have confidence Ronald
will be sentenced for his crimes against McDonald's and will be locked away
forever in a dark dungeon with a big bottle of ketchup and the Hambuggerer.

Bumblepuff · Feb 9, 2011

"My theory that the energy created from profound ideas
disperses exponentially faster by written words in cyber-
space in comparison to rhetorical oration is summarized
by the simple equation 'meme equals emcee squared.'"

Bumblepuff · Feb 9, 2011

Our pink marshmallow elephant is the ideal Valentine's gift for the woman who
has everything! This deluxe pink marshmallow elephant is available in a wide
variety of different sizes: 5 pounds, 10 pounds, 25 pounds, 50 pounds, 100
pounds, even all the way up to one ton if you have the money to spend on
your sweetie! Each pink marshmallow elephant is covered in a thick spongy
marshmallow epidermal hide of the highest quality blended creamy puffed
marshmallow made from a special ancient Indian recipe handed down from
generation to generation and enjoyed for centuries in the Indian subcontinent.
Now it's your turn to experience this wonderful treat! Each pink marshmallow
elephant is hollow inside with an internal "stomach" compartment filled with
chocolate candies! Our standard factory belly contents are milk chocolate
covered cherries, but you can choose to have the chamber filled with malted
milk balls, chocolate covered raisins, M&M chocolate covered peanuts, Reeses
Pieces, Skittles, gumdrops, gum balls and whatever small spherical or oblong
candies can move through the elephant's dispensing canal and narrow orifice.
Please keep in mind that although the idea of having chocolate turtles sounds
clever, these lumpy clusters are too large to expel and will cause clogging. To
dispense each tasty nugget, gently pull down once on either of the elephant's
sugar crystal tusks and a delicious morsel will exit through its cloaca! A simple
gravity feed will expel the nugget from under its tail into the opened palm of
your excited Valentine. Our dispensing mechanism is entertaining and fool-
proof, ensuring a gleeful smile on your sweetheart's face when she sees what
a wonderful prize awaits her after a tug on a tiny tusk! Surely you remember
past Easter festivities when chocolate bunnies often had their ears nibbled
off first. Well, with our pink marshmallow elephant ears you can have a grand
feast! If you are an obsessive-compulsive nibbler, then we recommend you
save the legs for last as otherwise it will get unbalanced and topple. Our pink
marshmallow elephants can be modified to include external candy sprinkles,
frosted designs and fruity tattoos. For further possibilities to custom build
your elephant, please visit our website. Our products are not recommended
for diabetics due to extremely high sugar content. We do not recommend
that you and your sweetheart attempt to eat the entire pink marshmallow
elephant in one sitting unless you've won several food-eating contest trophies.
Small to medium sized pink marshmallow elephants will be shipped via UPS,
USPS or FedEx. Large sized pink marshmallow elephants will be shipped via
truck freight in a special refrigerated container to avoid potential meltdown
of marshmallow. If you order now, we guarantee delivery on Valentine's Day
to any location within the USA, directly to the front door of your sweetheart!
PME Confections is proud to serve your needs, and we promise to provide
alerts on new sweet products being developed for other holiday occasions!

:eleph:

.......

.........

timbo · Feb 9, 2011

I will say something profound here: HUH?

Whachoo hidin here for Oh Cramp In Tongue?

You need to spread your wit to the world, or TB whichever comes first.

Cardinal · Feb 9, 2011

Krymsonowl said:
Personally I think Bumblepuff is absolutely brilliant!!

So does he. :lol:

Bumblepuff, You have a namesake. We named one of our Buff Orpington hens after you. I'd post a pic of her, but she looks just like her sibling, the other Buff hen we have, and I can't tell which one is you.

Bumblepuff · Feb 10, 2011

Notice: The following caption is rated PG for Puerile Generalism and is
completely unsuitable for mature responsible adults, so go away now!

(A small convoy of mothers and boys en route to a scheduled Cub Scout meeting is
trapped by a massive snowfall. Communication between passengers is via mobile.)

Jason ( in back car) : "Hi, Brice, any news from your Mom?"
Brice ( in front car) : "Hi, Jason. Yeah. She said be patient, keep quiet, cause a city snowplow should be here any
minute to clear the snowdrifts. What's happenin' in your car?"
Jason: "My Mom was stressin' out, so she took some pills. Now she's really calm. Joey and Mikey ate all our snacks
we planned to share at our Cub Scout meeting."
Brice: "Doesn't surprise me. We still have food in our car but lost our appetites when Barney puked in a cup holder.
Mom gave him a towel to clean it up and stuff in his backpack. She sprayed perfume to hide the smell, but now it
stinks worse than ever! I hope that snowplow gets here soon cause I really gotta pee!"
Jason: "Cub Scouts are supposed to be prepared, but we're not. This was supposed to be just a quick trip to our
meeting hall, but we've been stuck here a long time. If we don't make it outta this snow, we'll never get to be Boy
Scouts. Oh no!"
Brice: "What? What happened?"
Jason: "Joey was diggin' through his backpack and discovered his collection of spiders escaped! I don't see any,
so they're prolly crawlin' under Mom's front seat!"
Brice: "Keep quiet! You better catch 'em fast fore she finds out or she'll scream her head off."
Jason: "I know. We're too young to go deaf."
Brice: "Ewww! The smell in our car is grossin' me out! I feel sick to my stomach, wish I'd packed a barf bag. I don't
remember reading about barf kits in the Cub Scout Guide."
Jason: "I wanna start a small fire in the back end to stay warm, but Mom says no way, the car heater's still workin'."
Brice: "Do you think we'll freeze to death?"
Jason: "I hope not. I wanna see what puberty's all about."
Brice: "Ha ha ha---Oh no!"
Jason: "What's the matter, Brice?"
Brice: "You made me laugh so hard I peed my pants!"
Jason: "Yikes!" (screaming heard in background)
Brice: "Now what!?"
Jason: "Mom tried to change the car heater control, and now we know where the spiders are! I'll call you after she
stops screaming. Bye!"
Brice: "Good luck, spiderman!"

Bumblepuff · Feb 10, 2011

Bumblepuff · Feb 11, 2011

Tragedy struck Muddlevale today. According to People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA), an adult male
fly named Stinky was killed when he became stuck in cherry Jell-O. But this was no ordinary Jell-O that you can
wiggle on your plate, perversely poke with utensils and make disgusting remarks to gross out other eaters. No,
this was uniquely formulated PETA Jell-O. Because PETA is greatly concerned over neglect that evil humans show
to all animal species who should be given equal rights and respect, a project was initiated in the Upper Midwest
at Muddlevale to provide entertainment for house flies who are prone to bouts of depression from being cooped up
inside buildings during the long bleak winter months. While humans can freely exit outside into frigid air and ice-
skate on frozen ponds and ice rinks during cold weather, little fragile flies cannot possibly join in festivities even if
they are wearing tiny fur coats and booties. PETA had considered this but could not find any Chinese fabric man-
ufacturers willing to microknit clothing for flies because they were backlogged sewing dresses and accessories for
Barbie dolls and because the Chinese thought it was a silly idea, for they consider flies to be tasty condiments in
soups and stir-fry. Therefore, PETA outsourced construction of a miniature indoor skating rink made with a Jell-O
base which allows flies to entertain themselves by skating and sliding across its smooth surface, a simulation of
hardened ice crystals with no possibility of frostbite to the flies' feet. It is a buzzing blast of frolicking fun when the
Jell-O is properly set, but something went horribly wrong. According to a PETA investigator, Stinky was quickly en-
trapped within this Jell-O skating rink because it had failed to solidify into a resilient durable surface. This unstable
surface caused Stinky to sink downward and suffer a panic attack which led to death from wobbly gelatinous shock
according to the autopsy. Stinky's tiny cries for help went unheard because everybody else was outside occupied
with winter activities. PETA contacted the manufacturer of the mini Jell-O rinks with suggestions to prevent this
tragic loss from reoccurring. The manufacturer admitted there is always room for more Jell-O rink improvements.

Bumblepuff · Feb 11, 2011

After an exhausting scramble through deep snow chasing a plump mouse,
Friskers lost him when he squeezed into the end of a hollow plastic pipe.
Frustrated at his lack of success in catching his prey and hungry because
he had not eaten since yesterday, Friskers paused to reflect on matters,
and as he glanced above the snow line, he was amazed to see the sight
of an old bag lady laying flat in the snow, frozen and thinly covered with
snowflakes. Although apparently she had just suffered a heart attack and
was lifeless, the fragrant aromas of chicken, cheese and French fries from
the McDonald's bag clutched in her cold dead fingers gave Friskers hope
that he could enjoy a warm carry-out meal before night fell. Best of all, it
appeared the old bag lady had bought at least one Happy Meal, so he was
eager to see if he could find a toy inside her bag to play with after dinner.

timbo · Feb 11, 2011

Where did I put my searchlight to shine into the sky with Bumblepuff's silhouette?

We need you on Main............stat!

Check out 'Kroger is nasty' thread!

Love that cat!

Bumblepuff · Feb 12, 2011

Due to severe budget cuts compounded by a lengthy standoff of disgruntled
city sanitation employees on strike, Bloombulb city officials have hired local
bears to work as temporary garbage collectors until a contract settlement
can be reached with their sanitation union. The bears were easily trained to
pick up trash containers, although it took longer than expected to improve
their accuracy in dumping trash into a garbage truck's open hopper instead
of onto the pavement. Still, their aim was better on average than the initial
training scores of the striking workers before they joined the union. Securely
chained to garbage trucks, the eager bears cling to the vehicles' sides and
truly enjoy making the rounds as they hop off to bring back plastic garbage
bags and dump trash cans. All scattered food items are quickly gobbled up
by the bears to avoid health code violations. In comparison the union workers
refused to pick up loose foods because they were not enclosed in acceptable
containers. Citizens' complaints of roaming dogs tearing apart plastic trash
bags in search of food have markedly declined because the dogs do not wish
to experience bears tearing them apart for misbehaving. Residents are much
more prompt and careful in placement of their trash for weekly retrieval. After
all, who in their right mind wants to anger bears due to sloppy habits? A well
fed bear is a happy satisfied bear. However, even though use of indigenous
ursines has improved the city's garbage situation, the striking garbage men
are furious that they are going broke while the city is saving lots of money by
not paying the bears. Union leaders have requested PETA to get involved and
really snarl up the city council's work-around scheme so garbage service can
go back to the crappy inefficient way it was before bears replaced them and
made a marked improvement. The mayor of Bloombulb says the strikers are
just jealous and raising a big stink, and he warned the union troublemakers
that if they don't put a lid on it, the bears will stuff them in diaper dumpsters.

SheWoff · Feb 12, 2011

Oh it's so good to see you over here! :lol:

She

Bumblepuff · Feb 12, 2011

When icons collide and there's no place to hide, the brashest defense is a screaming offense. Protect your babies from animal rabies.

This visually disturbing post is not endorsed by the American Veterinary Medical Association, and we have absolutely no idea why this lunatic is skewing graphical phobias.

Bumblepuff · Feb 13, 2011

Yesterday the Pontoon police department was called out to Lake Leekeebum
to investigate a fatality. According to officers who covered the crime scene,
a local Boy Scout troop had been practicing primary bow and arrow skills on
an archery range when one of the boys saw a strange thing flying alongside
the shore. The scouts knew that some species of birds were migrating back
earlier than usual, but this flapping creature looked totally unfamiliar. One of
the boys thought it could even be a flying monkey escaped from Oz, an old
mining town across the state border. Whatever it was, the scouts became
very excited and chased it around Lake Leekeebum and through the forest,
shooting their arrows hither and yon with hopes of hitting the yon part. As
good luck and inexplicable pinpoint marksmanship would have it, Jimmy Thud-
bucket's arrow pierced the flying creature in the middle of its back, killing it.
As bad luck and signs of early senility would have it, Jimmy had neglected to
buy a hunting permit, so he is in deep trouble with the Pontoon police, Lake
Leekeebum rangers and his troop leader Gus Lipbeiter. Close examination of
the small creature revealed it to be an emissary cupid en route to twang a
designated arrow of true love into the passionately beating heart of Wanda
Hicklebean, a resident of Pontoon. The cupid was carrying a little message
stating Wanda's address with the instructions "Easy wide target; aim arrow
directly under top flab of blubber". Jimmy Thudbucket has been suspended
from his troop, and a suicide watch has been placed on Wanda to prevent her
from overdosing on triple chocolate fudge caramel ice cream with extra nuts.

timbo · Feb 13, 2011

Bumblepuff, is this a self-quarantine or dictated by some idiot on the forum?

If self-quarantine, how long?

Yes, how long Lord?

Bumblepuff · Feb 13, 2011

Why did the chicken cross the road?

She heard some chickens squawking on the other side and ran over
to help them, but she was too late yet just in time to be coldcocked,
plucked, cooked and served with hot buttered biscuits and coleslaw.

Bumblepuff · Feb 14, 2011

Americans were spared a Saint Valentine's Day massacre today when the Department
of Homeland Security captured a crazed terrorist in Megaplex Mall. According to DHS
agents who monitored his movements, the terrorist had been acting suspiciously ever
since he hopped out from the parking lot border shrubbery outside the mall and began
scampering towards the main entrance. The bearded man was dressed in gaudy red
heart print shorts, wearing tiny white wings and carrying a lethal bow and arrow. Once
inside the premises, he stopped briefly at Peter's Pretzel Palace for three hot salted
pretzels with mustard sauce and then hopped off down the main corridor past Piggly
Wiggly's and Gothic Gallery towards Brenda's Boutique. As the poorly disguised cupid
approached her establishment, DHS agents jumped out from their hidden positions
behind inflatable mannequins in Clown Land and shot the man with tranquilizer darts.
The terrorist immediately fell over into a display of lava lamps and blacklight posters.
Although the terrorist had no personal identification, he was carrying a message that
stated: "Darling Brenda, love of my life, please let my aim be true to your heart." DHS
analysts believed this was a secret code and are still trying to find the hidden terrorist
instructions which must be there somewhere. Upon interrogation in a small back room
near Wanda's Aquatic Emporium, DHS agents learned the terrorist was named Sammy
Thudbucket. His plastic bow and arrow were confiscated as evidence of weapons of
mass puncture. A computer database search revealed that a young boy named Jimmy
Thudbucket had been arrested only yesterday on charges of using a bow and arrow to
shoot a creature on the endangered mythological species list. This was no coincidence!
DHS authorities considered this confirming link to be a major clue even though Jimmy
was no direct relation to Sammy, who lives five hundred miles away in the basement
of his mother's house. During questioning Sammy Thudbucket repeatedly said it was all
a gross misunderstanding by the DHS and that he was a decorated veteran just out to
pull a harmless Valentine's Day prank on his sweetheart; he even offered to take a lie
detector test. DHS agents refused to believe Thudbucket and claimed he was a highly
trained espionage spy set to undermine the security and safety of the United States of
America and was preconditioned to fool polygraph testers. A government psychoanalyst
concluded Sammy Thudbucket is a psychopathic bipolar commie sex pervert and should
be locked away in prison until he reveals the masterminds behind the Valentine's Day plot.

Bumblepuff · Feb 14, 2011

"Roses are red, violets are blue. I ate your bouquet and the
chocolates, too. I'm sorry. Will you still be my Valentine?"

Bumblepuff · Feb 15, 2011

"I've heard reports of Americans complaining about high prices of fresh foods
imported during cold winter months. Consumers are worried about chemical
pesticides sprayed on their favorite fruits and vegetables to prevent damage
caused by hungry pests. I share their concerns. Down here on the other side
of the planet, I constantly encounter insects coated in poisonous chemical
compounds with names I can't even pronounce! Americans are advised to
clean and wash organic produce before eating, but because I subsist on a
raw bug diet, that's not feasible. I have to be very picky and choosy about
the insects I devour because just one bad bug will spoil my entire dining
experience and give me intense abdominal cramps! After a severe bout of
nausea last week, I've become much more careful what I masticate in my
mandibles. In fact, before I ate my husband, I had him tested for chemical
residues because I needed to make sure my future children won't suffer any
genetic disorders. If a bug is crawling erratically or flying haphazardly, that
indicates it is poisoned, so I'll leave it for the spiders. They'll eat anything."

Bumblepuff · Feb 15, 2011

Jeffrey Thomason · Feb 15, 2011

Red Baron · Feb 16, 2011

Bumble,

If I supply the photo, will you do a caption?

The only one I could think of was "DUDE!"

Bumblepuff · Feb 16, 2011

"Global warming and irreversible climate change are misunderstood by my
critics who remain willfully ignorant and thusly jeopardize the future of life
on Planet Earth. My enemies will stop at nothing including exposure of my
personal private matters in order to sabotage my hard work for the good
of mankind. I remain unwavering and shall adamantly press onward to the
goal of Utopia, achievable in our lifetimes. It is humanly possible to harness
the negative karma of global warming naysayers and redirect it to where it
will be beneficial. Allow me to demonstrate my power as I melt dangerous
snow and ice which have caused a plethora of problems across the USA."

....................................................................................................

"In the West all snow and ice I now melt twice! FFFWOOOOSSSH!"

....................................................................................................

"In the East all snow and ice I now melt thrice! FFFWOOOOSSSH!"

....................................................................................................

"By my creative energy and ingenuity I have transformed the troublesome
frozen crystals into aqueous vapors sent skyward to clouds surrounding me
and can now redirect rain showers onto parched fields so crops can flourish
to feed the hungry poor in third world countries. Although my opponents do
not see the big meteorological picture, I do because I am an essential force
of nature. When I master the power of lightning, my enemies will be toast!"

Bumblepuff · Feb 16, 2011

Organizers of the first annual Multicultural Pandemonium in Atlanta were kept busy preventing
participants from going off the deep end during a hectic hodgepodge of religious ceremonies and
spiritual rituals. Chanting voodoo priests interacted with bone-necklaced shaman cannibals, San-
teria chicken pluckers cavorted with bald Hindu flagellants and skyclad Wiccans hobnobbed with
Subgenius trolls. All kinds of weird lunatics were doing their own things, but often the enactments
became erratically intermingled with unexpected disastrous consequences. For example, when
Armand Axe was channeling ectoplasm into a visible sphere of occultic symbolism, Gus Snuggles
approached him and suddenly began to bellow an involuntary yowling howl. When an unidentified
member of the Pseudospastic Catatonic Savages stood nearby and sent telekinetic energy waves
toward Armand, the negative vibes inversely charged the tense atmosphere and then inexplicably
shattered his fragile streaming ectoplasmic flow into splattering globs of preposterous nonsense.
This could have been avoided with better crowd control measures such as electrified fences, heavy
chains and poisonous viper pits, but because the organizers did not desire to constrain the wanton
expressions of the unruly mob, they monitored events from a safe distance behind fortified bunkers
and command towers. Eventually a tornado spell cast by a Viking berserker sent the crowd fleeing
to the exits, and the Multicultural Pandemonium was over. Organizers hailed the event as a great
success, promising next year to provide an amplitude of food stands, gift shops and slop buckets.

Red Baron · Feb 16, 2011

Thanks a lot Bumble!

That made my day.

I think we know where the the sequel to "Monty Python" is going to come from.

Cardinal · Feb 16, 2011

Yeah, that would happen in Atlanta.... :shk:

wsuprmn42 · Feb 17, 2011

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