To Save the Lands (story from "fantasy for your critique")

It had been fifteen years since Kiari Skye had become the queen of Felorna. Her adoptive son, Brian, was now seven and Kiari smiled from her throne as she saw him splash water on one of the noble girls walking by. She saw the noble girl gasp as she looked down at her dress which was now soaked. Even though Audrey was four years older than him, he always was picking on her.

“You’re dead!” she screamed as she clenched her fists. Brian went wide-eyed and began to run from the furious girl as she kicked off her high heels and chased him. He laughed merrily as he jumped on his mother, the queen. Audrey bowed lowly as she saw that the queen had been watching her. Kiari laughed and stood, placing little Brian on the step in front of the throne.

“Brian,” she smiled. “Do you have something you want to say to Audrey?”

Brian looked up at his mother with large brown eyes, his big, beautiful lips showing that he was thinking as he bit his bottom lip. “Yes,” he giggled. “You look funny when you’re wet!”

“Brian,” Kiari said warningly.

Her son sighed deeply. “I’m sorry.” Brian said rolling his eyes carelessly. Kiari waved a long, elegant arm, ushering to Audrey. “Mom,” He pleaded. “Do I have to?!” Kiari smiled and nodded slowly. He groaned as he stood sheepishly and walked over to the noble girl. He hugged her quickly, then pushed away and ran out of the room, his face beet red.

Dearest Uncle Astonian,
I would like to invite you to spend a week or two with my family at our cabin in Dragon’s Peak. I know you have been busy ever since you finished teaching Natasha all she needs to know about her magic, but I would really love it if you came. It has been three years… I have also invited Kiari. You can bring Coram if you wish. We will be there by the end of this week.

Wishing you will come.
Your Niece,
Arial Silver`Wynd​

“I’m getting old…” a tall Human male said sadly as he put down his pint. “No, no, Coram, don’t try and convince me otherwise…”

“I wasn’t goin’ to.” A Dwarf sitting next to him said. His eyes were black and his hair was, too. He stroked his beard and laughed, slapping the Human on the back. “Astonian, everyone gets old. That’s nature.”

“Yeah, well…” Astonian sighed. “Nature bites.”

“Ye said it.” Coram said. He then glanced behind Astonian and saw a small woman sitting at the table next to theirs. She was drawing something up on a piece of paper. Her blonde hair was tied up, her ponytail falling half way down her back. A Dwarven waitress brought her a plate of steaming food.

“Thank you, Kayin.” She said, smiling.

“Ye’re most welcome, Khrisma.” The waitress said, placing a pint of cider next to the plate. “What are ye workin’ on there?”

“Oh just a rough sketch of a new type of plate mail I’m working on.” Khrisma replied, blowing the ink to help dry it. “It should turn out to be the strongest armor, and lightest, in Eloner. If it works like it’s supposed to, however.”
Coram realized that Astonian was talking to him. “I’m sorry, what was that?”

“I said what are you staring at?”

“Oh, nothin’,” Coram said, taking a drink of his beer.

After the woman was finished eating, she stood to leave. Coram saw that she was a very small Gnome, but there was something about her that seemed… off. She was stronger built than a gnome, she had muscles and tough skin, like a Dwarf. She gathered up her drawings and headed for the door.

“Excuse me, Astonian.” Coram said, standing. “I have to… eh… urinate.”

Astonian gave him an astonished look. “You know, all you had to say was ‘I’ll be right back’. I don’t need an excuse.”

Chapter 2




A beautiful half-Elven woman stepped out of a carriage with the help of her husband. A thirteen year old girl hopped out of the back of the wagon and slowly walked over to her father and mother, her arms crossed and a half-bored look in her eyes.

“This is it?” she said, yawning. “I remember it being bigger…”

“That’s because you were smaller.” The man laughed. “Arial, are you going to be okay?” he said, giving his wife a worried look as she held her head.

“Yes, Neal,” she said grabbing her stomach and shivering. “I guess I just got a little motion sickness.” Her eyes widened and she clamped her hand over her mouth and ran behind the wagon, vomiting in the grass. “Sorry,” she said, her eyes seeming sleepy and sick as she regained her senses. Neal frowned nervously and held her in his arms as they walked toward the cabin.

They were halfway when Arial stopped in her tracks. Her eyes widened and a smile crossed her face. She released herself from Neal’s arms and ran toward the door. She skipped in place at the front step and laughed. She opened the door slowly and quietly and gasped in happiness. Kiari Skye, Elven queen of Felorna, was in dirty traveler’s clothes asleep on the couch in the main room of the cabin. Her silver hair had fallen over her face, and in her arms she held a small Brian Skye who was also asleep.

Arial walked over to her sister and gently nudged her arm. When Kiari just moaned and turned over, Arial poked her in the eye with a skinny finger. Kiari jumped up and searched frantically for her attacker. When she saw her sister next to the couch, smiling, she jumped up and hugged her tightly. Brian yawned and stretched, rubbing his eyes. When he saw his aunt, he, too, jumped up and hugged her tightly around her knees.

“Auntie Ari!” he said with excitement in his voice. He stepped away and saw Natasha at the door. He gave her a half-opened, lazy eyed look. “Oh, it’s you.”

“It’s good to see you, too.” Natasha grumbled sarcastically. “Daddy, why did he have to come?”

“Momma,” Brian whined, tugging on his mother’s tunic. “Why is she here?”

“Be nice to your cousin, Brian.” Kiari said.

“Yeah, listen to your mommy, Brian the Brainless.” Natasha said, sticking her tongue out at him.

“You too, Natasha,” Neal said sternly.

“Yeah, quarter-Elf,” Brian smirked.

Natasha gasped in disbelief at this new form of attack. Tears filled her eyes as she started running up the stairs. Before slamming the door to her room closed, she screamed, “At least I wasn’t adopted!!” Brian’s face went red with anger and embarrassment. He stormed down the hall, found an empty room, and slammed the door closed, locking the bolt.

Long minutes of awkward silence slipped by. Arial and Neal stared at the ceiling where they could hear Natasha angrily pacing. Kiari stared at the room in which Brian occupied; no sound came from here, but a light flickered on and off.
“So, how are you doing?” Kiari asked.

“Well,” Arial replied. “Look at you, though, you’re Majesty.” Arial bowed with a smirk on her face. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen a dirtier queen. You’re an inspiration for royalty everywhere!”

“Ha-ha.” Kiari smiled. “And you, Miss Weather Mage.” She ran her hand through her sister’s hair. “Your hair has gotten so long, and look at what being a mother has done to you!” Kiari whistled as she noticed Arial’s dress defined larger curves. “I think Neal there is happy with the change, though.” Neal and Arial blushed deeply.



The next morning, Natasha and Brian had finally come out of hiding and the family was eating breakfast when they heard horses outside. The children rushed to the window and saw two figures getting out of a wagon. One of them was very small and unfamiliar, but the second figure reminded them of someone, but they just couldn’t put their finger on whom…

“Uncle Asto!!” Natasha yelled out finally. “It’s him! It’s Uncle Astonian!!”

Arial and Kiari’s heads shot up together and the two sisters raced out the door. Neal stood and leaned on the door frame with his arms crossed, and grinned. The two girls hugged their uncle fiercely. Tears of joy streamed from their eyes, and Astonian, who was still a little shocked to be unexpectedly hugged from behind, turned around in their arms and hugged them back.

“Ah, Kiari,” a deep, rugged voice said from the other side of the wagon. “How ye’ve grown. Still have the temper of a cat?”

“Coram!” Kiari jumped to hug the burly Dwarf. “And yes, it comes and goes.” She chuckled slightly.

“Ha, at least it isn’t daily anymore!” he laughed whole-heartedly. “Ah, Arial.” He said, hugging the weather mage. “How are ye?”

“I’m well, thank you Coram.” Arial replied sweetly.

“Look at ye two! Ye’re growin’ older and ye’re gettin’ families of ye’re own.” He stepped back to give the two sisters’ a better look. “Astonian, we’d better get ’em somethin’ to stop growin’ so bloody fast!”

Natasha was now holding onto her mother’s dress, hiding behind her just enough for her head to pop out. “Coram,” Arial smiled. “This is Natasha.”

“Well I’ll be.” Coram grinned, staring at the young girl hidden by her mother. “I haven’t seen ye since ye were a babe. My have ye grown!” He turned to Brian who was grinning mischievously in front of Kiari. “And who might this little munchkin be?”

Brian gave Coram a sour look and stuck his tongue out at him. “This little one is Brian, he is mine.” Kiari said flattening Brian’s hair, which he quickly shook back into it’s messy place.

“Kiari,” Coram said, cocking his head to the side. Kiari mouthed the word ‘adoption’ and Coram nodded in understanding.

It was Astonian’s turn to go in awe over the girls. “You two have grown up so much.” He said, hugging each of them again. A small tear of joy slipped down his cheek. “How are you two?”

“I’m doing fine,” Kiari said. “Yourself?”

“I’m doing well.” He smiled.

“I wish I could say the same…” everyone turned to Arial in worry. “Oh it’s nothing; I’ve just been a little queasy the past few days. I’m sure it’s nothing.”

“She vomited yesterday.” Neal said as he walked up to them, hugging his wife around the shoulders. She gave him an angry look.

“It’s nothing really,” Arial said, turning back to them. “It’s usually only in the mornings anyways. I’m sure a lot of women have morning sickness.”

“For a whole week?” Neal asked her. “I saw you vomit this morning as well. Are you sure you’re fine?”

“I’m sure Neal.” Arial said irritated. She freed herself from his arms and walked into the cabin. They all looked at her as she walked away angrily.

“Is she the bitter one now?” Coram said as the door closed.

Chapter 3




The following morning, Arial awoke and sat up slowly in her bed. She felt her head as the room began to spin. Her vision blurred as she stood, and she stumbled as she walked. She cradled her stomach as she walked down the hall of the cabin. No one is up yet... she thought to herself as she headed for the front door. Good.

She opened the door slowly and staggered to the side of the house. Finally she couldn’t hold it in anymore, she lurched forward and vomited. She sour taste sunk into her taste buds as she vomited again. The disgusting taste came once more, this time also coming out of her nose.

She shivered immensely as she walked back into the house. Once again, the room began to spin. She thought that no one was up, but in fact Kiari, Neal, and Astonian were. Her eyes once again tricked her into believing that she was alone as she fell to the ground, unconscious.

“Arial!” Neal cried out as he raced over to his fallen wife.

A baby was crying loudly. “Neal,” Arial said tiredly. “Can you deal with her for now? I’m… I’m too tired.”

“Sure thing, Dear,” Neal replied, taking a baby from Arial’s arms. “Oh, Natasha, are you hungry?” the baby cried even louder now. “Ooh, guess not!” Neal smiled. He felt her diaper. “Oh… I see…” Arial laughed softly as she saw her husband having trouble changing their daughter’s diaper. One day, she thought to herself, one day I’m going to have another… not today though… Neal needs to master ‘the Diaper’ first. She then smiled and fell asleep.

Arial could feel a warm hand holding hers, the thumb rubbing the back of her hand. She slowly opened her eyes, and saw that she had everyone in the house crowding around her. Kiari, for some odd reason, was grinning broadly.

“What is it?” Neal whispered. “Do you know what’s wrong with her?”

“Do I know?” She said mischievously. “Of course I know what’s wrong with her.”

“Well?” Neal said anxiously. Kiari closed her eyes and shook her head slowly, still grinning broadly.

“What’s… going on?” Arial breathed, trying to sit up.

“Arial, congratulation.” Kiari said, her grin growing even broader. “You’re pregnant!” Neal then fainted. Kiari blinked. “Was it something I said?”

Chapter 4




Silence filled a dark, dreary room as a tiny hooded figure walked through the door. With a torch in one hand, he lit candles lined along the wall. The fire illuminated the shadowed room, revealing two caskets in the middle of the room. The tiny figure pulled a black leather-bound book from a hidden pocket inside his sleeve. Opening the book, he recited words that were lost and long forgotten.

“Rétablissez le perdu, ressuscitez les morts.” His voice was harsh and icy. The room had a sudden uneasy feeling as the air around him began to turn a rusty-reddish colour…the colour of tainted blood. His eyes began to glow blood red and fangs grew in his mouth. His fingers grew long, his nails growing large and sharp. His once round nose was now large and pointy. He shuddered in terror as his body became that of a Demon. The man screamed as the tops of the coffins flew open, the doors breaking free and crashing into the walls, putting the flames on the candles out.

Maniacal laughing echoed throughout the cold room as the bodies that were once dead, rose from their eternal sleep. Their rotting flesh hung from their bones and their clothes were worn and tattered.

“Malory…” said one of the living corpses. This one was female, her voice was cruel. The room was pitch-black, but as she opened her eyes they began to glow silver and lit up her face. What was left of her skin was a dark blue, and black flame tattoos ran from her eyes down. She grinned, showing large fangs. She turned her head to see who was standing next to her. Her face went blank and her eyes widened as she saw her once dead husband. He opened his eyes to reveal red pupils. He moved his wrists and his arms, then put his hand on his heart were he had been stabbed. As he touched the rotting wound, he flinched. It still hurt him.

“Gin…” he whispered. “What…what happened to me?”

“Abel…” she gasped, her rotting hand shook as she brought it to her trembling lips. “You have been dead for eighteen years…” She looked sadly down.

“Mistress Gin?” the tiny hooded figure was now approaching her, kneeling. “You, too, have been dead. But only fifteen years.”

Gin gasped. “What?! How Malory??”

“You were murdered by the Princess Peasant’s twins!” he replied, spitting angrily.
Gin looked around the room, and said, “Yes…it is all very fuzzy to me but…I do remember…the oldest gave her life to save the Weather witch…” She stood in shock, jumping out of her coffin. “I would have killed them if they hadn’t have used that old trick to kill me first!”

Gin brought her fist into the air, clinching it hard. Abel looked at his wife in terror. “Gin…what has happened to you?” he began to stand slowly, stepping out of the rotted prison in which his body was just recently. “You never before wanted revenge like this…your heart has turned very…very black…”

Gin looked at him sadly. “Abel…I am sorry…” She then turned to Malory and said kindly. “Is there any way for us to get our––Ack! Malory, what happened to you?!” Gin screeched as Malory removed his hood. The Demonic features of his face revealing.

He kneeled once more. “Mistress Gin, I pledged twenty years ago to be loyal to you, which is what I have more than been. I had sacrificed my charming Gnomish looks to bring you and your beloved back from the grave. Many years it took to find the spell, but I found it!”

“Oh Malory…all these years you have done so much only never to be thanked.” Gin took his hand and helped him up. “Thank you, old friend.”

She thinks ‘friend’ now… Malory thought to himself, smiling sweetly. “My will is only to serve, m’lady.”

Chapter 5




A tall, dark hooded figure stood in the shadows of an abandoned alley. The full moon hung high in the midnight sky. Clouds covered the moon, darkening the street outside of the alley. The figure looked up and saw a strange, misshapen, almost Demon looking Gnome standing at the edge of the alley.

“Malory.” The figure grinned, lowering her hood. “It is about time. I have been waiting for you long enough.”

“Détourné, it is…good to see you again.” Malory said, his voice raspy and his grin cold. “So tell me, how is my beast? You have better had taken good care of her. We don’t want her…angry.”

“Relax, Malory.” She said, leaning against the brick wall casually. “The creature is fine. I wouldn’t treat it poorly; after all you saved me from Gin’s fortress.” She looked at the nails on her right hand. “By the way, how is she?”

“Alive and clueless.” Malory smirked. He looked at his hands and grimaced.

“This plan better be worth you looking like that.” Détourné said in disgust.

“Don’t worry, Détourné.” Malory sneered. “Our plans will allow us to do exactly what we intend.”

“Which is?” Détourné said, ushering him to tell.

“Patience, little eager one.” He said menacingly. “All will be revealed in time.”

Détourné stood and began to walk down the alley. When she realized that Malory was not following, she stopped and looked over her shoulder. “If you don’t want your beast, we can just leave her to die.”

“Ah yes, let us retrieve Evadne.” Malory said, following Détourné in short, quick strides.



Meanwhile, on the other side of Eloner, Neal sits quietly on the window sill of his cabin, staring into the moon, unaware of the plans being made. A thousand thoughts raced through his head as he stared into oblivion. A cool night breeze hit him, blowing his hair into his eyes, making him flinch. He brushed his bangs from his face and noticed he had company.

Arial stared at him from the hallway, smiling sweetly. “What are you doing up so late?”

“I could ask you the same question, you know.” He smiled back, standing and walking over to his wife. He held her in his arms, her hair just under his nose. He breathed in, her pleasant aroma surrounding him. This is all going to change when the baby comes… he thought. The baby will be crying all night, and I won’t be able to hold her for months without her having to leave for the baby…I am going to miss this so much… Neal realized that Arial had said something. “I’m sorry, what was that?”

“I said,” Arial repeated. “You haven’t held me like this since we were first married…Is something wrong?”

“No, nothing is wrong.” Neal said as he gently laid his head on hers. “I just wanted to remind you how much I love you.”

Arial gasped happily. “I love you so much,” she said, her eyes watering slightly.

“I love you so much as well.” Neal raised Arial’s head, making her look at him. He then gently kissed her. Arial, who was a little dumbfounded at first, felt Neal’s warm lips on hers and welcomed the unexpected embrace. She held him tighter as he held onto the back of her head, his fingers intertwined in her silver hair. Arial rubbed Neal’s back as she slowly opened her lips, his tongue tenderly caressing hers.



“You know,” Kiari said the next morning to Arial as she woke up rubbing her throbbing head. “This is exactly what you did to get yourself pregnant.” Kiari had her back to her sister, and was standing in the kitchen cooking breakfast.

Arial grinned as she looked at Neal who was asleep on top of her, a fur blanket covering their naked bodies as they lay on the couch. “What can I say?” She said, her grin growing wider than before. “He’s great in––”

“Whoa there,” Kiari interrupted, laughing slightly. “Don’t say anything more, sister, I know what you’re going to say and quite frankly I don’t need to know that information about your husband.”

“I was going to say he’s great in the kitchen…what were you thinking?” Arial said. Suddenly, a shocked looked came across Arial’s face. “Gasp!” she said sarcastically. “Kiari, you dirty bird!”

“It’s your fault, you closet pervert.” Kiari said, laughing.

Suddenly, the sisters went silent as Neal began to wake up. He stretched and yawned widely. He stood up, and smiled at Arial. “I love you.”

“Umm…Neal…” Arial said, trying to hold back a laugh.

“Yes, sweetheart?” he replied.

“Goodness Neal, put some pants on!”

He turned around to see his sister-in-law covering her eyes and trying to block out the image of him naked. “Ah!” He screamed, picking up his pants from the floor and covering his manhood. “What are you doing in here?!”

“Duh, it’s the dinning room and I was making breakfast…” Kiari began. “But now I think I’ve lost my appetite…”

“Oh come on, Kia” Neal said defensively. “It’s not that bad.”

“You have no idea, Neal.” She said her hand still covering her eyes. “Seeing you naked is worse than walking in on Astonian taking a bath…and I should know…” Kiari shivered as that painful memory returned to haunt her.

“Hey now,” Astonian said, walking through the other door to the kitchen. “What’s going––Ack Neal!” He said as he, too, covered his eyes. “Put some pants on!”

Neal growled as Arial began to laugh uncontrollably. “Gee, thanks, dear.” He said, pulling his legs through his pants. “I love you, too.”

“Anytime, my embarrassed little naked man.” Arial said, grinning broadly.














(More to come)