MAKE ME LAUGH!

[Dennis Olson]

Okay, jokesters and punsters! We get so much BAD NEWS on the board, that it's high-time we had a dedicated room to blow off steam. Yuk it up in here gang! I *NEED* to laugh, before I start screaming.

So - step up to the plate folks. Here's your chance!

BTW, the name of this room is in tribute to my favorite group ever, Monty Python's Flying Circus.

SPAM anyone....?

[D_el]

Dennis,

Monty Python is one of my favorites too. I love the dead parrot skit but couldn't do proper justice to it with only "one liners", so try this and see if it tickles the funnybone:

http://orangecow.org/pythonet/pet-shop.html

D_el


P.S. I'll have the Special: Spam spam spam spam spam spam spam, eggs, spam, spam, and spam with a side order of spam, spam, and spam

[Delta]

True story from MIL, from her days as a social worker. She was in court with a girl who was on the stand explaining some incident with a boyfriend, saying ". . . he was a M-O-T-H-E-R ****er . . . " spelling out the "mother" but not, of course, the one word that was so much a part of her vocabulary as to be transparent.

Without missing a beat, the judge said, "well N-O shit."

[Scrapman]

How do's a french women hold her liquer.....

By the ears...

[Kamelot]

10. The monitor is up on blocks.
9. Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them.
8. The six front keys have rotted out.
7. The extra RAM ports have truck parts stored in them.
6. The numeric keypad only goes up to six.
5. The password is "Bubba".
4. There's a gun rack mounted on the CPU.
3. There's a Coors can in the cup holder(CD-ROM drive).
2. The keyboard is camouflaged.

AND the number 1 way to tell if a redneck has been working on a computer is...
1. The mouse is referred to as a "critter".




Kamelot

[CarolynA]

DENNIS, Thanks for starting this!!! I think I'll be hanging out on this board!

[Telyn]

"French Passport"
An elderly American gentleman arrived in Paris by plane. At French Customs, he fumbled for his passport.

"You'ave been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked sarcastically.
The old gent admitted that he had been to France previously. "Zen, you should know enough to 'ave your passport ready for inspection".

The American said, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it".

"Impossible...You Americans alwayz 'ave to show your passports on arrival in France!"

The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. The he quietly explained.
"Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in '44, I couldn't find any Frenchmen to show it to!"

[Dosh]

Dennis,
This is a very neat and needed room.

I will be here quite a lot

P S You have done a great job on updating. Congratulations !!!!!

[Dosh]

Three days later and it is still a GREAT ROOM.

Thanks for a laugh after reading all of the reality on the main forum.

We all need this.

[MinnesotaSmith]

[Herbmountain]

Dennis. As you know Im married to a truck driver and heavy equipment operator. He was lifting a roof in Beneshia I believe?. The new roof was for a juvenile facility being built. On the frontage road a sign was up saying "Building For The Future". This was right before you come to the new facility. My honey got a real laugh out of this one. I wish he had taken a picture.

Dennis. What are those little round icons under User information? And how come some have 6 and many of us have 4?

[Dennis Olson]

The round icons are "radiation symbols". They used to tell roughly how many posts a member has. The more little symbols, the more posts.

[bartp40]

Oops....

[Indiansummer]

Oops....

OMG!! I almost died laughing before I said to myself, Damn, that's sick!!!!

I know my sense of humor is twisted though, cause the sicker it is, the harder I seem to laugh.

Stop, STOP, OH Please STOP?

[Indiansummer]

Hope this isn't too old, was new to me!!

Don't Try This At Home
Bud and Jim are a couple of drinking buddies who work as airplane mechanics in Atlanta. One day the airport is fogged in and they're stuck in the hanger with nothing to do. Bud says, "Man, I wish we had something to drink." Jim says, "Me, too. Ya know, I heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You wanna try it?" So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane hooch and get completely smashed.

The next morning Bud wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact, he feels great. No hangover. No bad side effects. Nothing. Then the phone rings. It's Jim.

Jim: "Hey, how do you feel this morning?"

Bud: "Great!"

Jim: "I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?"

Bud: "No, that jet fuel is great stuff, no hangovers, nothing. We oughta do this more often."

Jim: "Yeah, well, there's just one thing."

Bud: "What's that?"

Jim: "Have you farted yet?"

Bud: "No."

Jim: "Well, don't, 'cause I'm in Phoenix."

// posted by Jim @ 10:36 PM | comments (0) | A Great President vs. A Miserable Failure

[Indiansummer]

That picture for this sig is soooo cute!

This site has some pretty funny stuff, specially ifn ya don't much like Kerry!

http://unixdude.blogspot.com/

[NumberOneSon]

That picture is great!

[NumberOneSon]

This is about little Johnny.

Little Johnny's mom was a prostitute. Little Johnny ahd know this for
quite some time and wasn't ashamed.

Every day, when he would come home from school, his mom would have
dinner ready early, because of her job.

One day, when he came home, he found that dinner wasn't prepared
as usual. He found his mom standing in the doorway between the
kitchen and the living room, dressed in her robe.

"Mom, what's for dinner?", he asked.

Hi mother whipped around, threw off her robe, yelled, "CRABS!"

[gunboat]

I liked the Monty Python links

[bartp40]

http://www.moderndrunkardmagazine.com/md_comics.htm

[Christian for Israel]

uh...why can't we cut 'n paste on this forum?

[ainitfunny]

Art Bell's website has a phone call so funny you will pee your pants laughing, DON'T MISS THIS:
It opens in real player:

http://mfile.akamai.com/5022/rm/coas...5_incident.ram

This version opens in Windows player:
http://mfile.akamai.com/5022/wma/coa...5_incident.asx

[TIK]

That phone call is a hoax...

[Tumbleweed]

Try this link:

http://mfile.akamai.com/5022/rm/coas...5_incident.ram

[Hansa44]

Hoax or not (I don't know) it is STILL the funniest phone call I ever heard.

Thanks Tumbleweed. The links aintitfunny posted seem to work here in this sig. I just can't get them to work on the main page even when I type them in.

[rugmaker]

An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall. A teenager walked up to the bench and sat down. He had spiked hair in all different colors:green, red, orange, blue, and yellow.
The old man just stared. Every time the teenager looked, the old man
was staring.
The teenager finally said sarcastically, "What's the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?"
Without batting an eye, the old man replied, "Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son."

[rugmaker]

Linda Brunet, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws and while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head.

One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open, and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she'd been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her brains in for over an hour. The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head.

When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains.

She initially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her brains in for over an hour until someone noticed and came to her aid.

And, yes, Linda is a blonde.

[wombat]

Ah, now jokes are one of my favorite pastimes.

What is the aboriginal meaning of vegetarian?......"lousy hunter"

This one is slightly adult....so close your eyes if you are too young for it!...

There were three old ladies sitting on a park bench talking among themselves when a flasher came by. The flasher stood right in front of them and opened his trench coat. Well the first old lady had a stroke. Then, the second old lady had a stroke. The third old lady had arthritis and couldn't reach that far..

[rugmaker]

Bad wombat, baaaaaad!

[Miss Vic]

OK.... so say this fast ...but watch your tongue!!

I'm not a fig plucker
I'm a fig plucker's son
But I'll pluck your figs
Till the fig pluckers come

[akatsuki556]

A blonde walks into a barber shop to get an expensive haircut. the barber notices that she is wearing earphones. The blonde asks him to just cut around it, so he does so. Later the barber notices she fell asleep so he takes off the headphones. He then goes into a back room for a few minutes to take a phone call and get a new razor. He comes back and noticed that the blonde is dead. He is freaked out....he then puts on the headphones and listens. "breathe in....breathe out. breathe in....breathe out."

[Chair Warmer]

What do you call a chicken that crosses the road, rolls around in a mud puddle, and crosses back over?











Answer: A dirty double crosser!

[RWH]

These have been great thanks for sharing,

Here is one my son dropped on me while I was driving. He said it was in self defense so I couldn't hit him .... ah ha how wrong a child can be. He will live to see his Senior year. Lucky him.


How many teenagers does it take to screw in a light bulb?







Are you ready??






Only two, but you need a really big light bulb.


If you didn't get it re-read the joke and don't but any emphasis on any words.

[olla86]

10. The monitor is up on blocks.
9. Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them.
8. The six front keys have rotted out.
7. The extra RAM ports have truck parts stored in them.
6. The numeric keypad only goes up to six.
5. The password is "Bubba".
4. There's a gun rack mounted on the CPU.
3. There's a Coors can in the cup holder(CD-ROM drive).
2. The keyboard is camouflaged.

AND the number 1 way to tell if a redneck has been working on a computer is...
1. The mouse is referred to as a "critter".




Kamelot

ha-ha-ha! Thanks a lot!You are the best!

[Inthewoods]