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MAKE ME LAUGH!
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Thread: MAKE ME LAUGH!

  1. #841
    Interview with the General

    I'm taking this as an accurate report. Guess it's funny regardless of whether it's fact or not...

    For those that don't know him, Major General Peter Cosgrove is an Australian. General Cosgrove was interviewed on the radio recently. Read his reply to the lady who interviewed him concerning guns and children.

    Regardless of how you feel about gun laws you have to love this! This is one of the best comeback lines of all time.

    This is a portion of an ABC radio interview between a female broadcaster and General Cosgrove who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military Headquarters.

    FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
    So, General Cosgrove, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?

    GENERAL COSGROVE:
    We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery and shooting.

    FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
    Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?

    GENERAL COSGROVE:
    I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.

    FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
    Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?

    GENERAL COSGROVE:
    I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.

    FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
    But you're equipping them to become violent killers.

    GENERAL COSGROVE:
    Well, Ma'am, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?
    ...The broadcast went silent for 46 seconds and when it returned, the interview was over.

  2. #842
    A List Of Obama's Accomplishments As First Black President...

    Quit trashing Obama's accomplishments. He has done more than any president before him. Here is a list of his impressive accomplishments:

    = First President to apply for college aid as a foreign student, then deny he was a foreigner.

    = First President to have a social security number from a state he has never lived in.

    = First President to preside over a cut to the credit-rating of the United States.

    = First President to violate the War Powers Act.

    = First President to be held in contempt of court for illegally obstructing oil drilling in the Gulf of Mexico.

    = First President to require all Americans to purchase a product from a third party.

    = First President to spend a trillion dollars on “shovel-ready” jobs when there was no such thing as “shovel-ready” jobs.

    = First President to abrogate bankruptcy law to turn over control of companies to his union supporters.

    = First President to by-pass Congress and implement the Dream Act through executive fiat.

    = First President to order a secret amnesty program that stopped the deportation of illegal immigrants across the U.S., including those with criminal convictions.

    = First President to demand a company hand-over $20 billion to one of his political appointees.

    = First President to tell a CEO of a major corporation (Chrysler) to resign.

    = First President to terminate America’s ability to put a man in space.

    = First President to cancel the National Day of Prayer and to say that America is no longer a Christian nation.

    = First President to have a law signed by an auto-pen without being present.

    = First President to arbitrarily declare an existing law unconstitutional and refuse to enforce it.

    = First President to threaten insurance companies if they publicly spoke out on the reasons for their rate increases.

    = First President to tell a major manufacturing company in which state it is allowed to locate a factory.

    = First President to file lawsuits against the states he swore an oath to protect (AZ, WI, OH, IN).

    = First President to withdraw an existing coal permit that had been properly issued years ago.

    = First President to actively try to bankrupt an American industry (coal).

    = First President to fire an inspector general of AmeriCorps for catching one of his friends in a corruption case.

    = First President to appoint 45 czars to replace elected officials in his office.

    = First President to surround himself with radical left wing anarchists.

    = First President to golf more than 150 separate times in his five years in office.

    = First President to hide his birth, medical, educational and travel records.

    = First President to win a Nobel Peace Prize for doing NOTHING to earn it.

    = First President to go on multiple “global apology tours” and concurrent “insult our friends” tours.

    = First President to go on over 17 lavish vacations, in addition to date nights and Wednesday evening White House parties for his friends paid for by the taxpayers.

    = First President to have personal servants (taxpayer funded) for his wife.

    = First President to keep a dog trainer on retainer for $102,000 a year at taxpayer expense.

    = First President to fly in a personal trainer from Chicago at least once a week at taxpayer expense.

    = First President to repeat the Holy Quran and tell us the early morning call of the Azan (Islamic call to worship) is the most beautiful sound on earth

    = First President to side with a foreign nation over one of the American 50 states (Mexico vs Arizona).

    = First President to tell the military men and women that they should pay for their own private insurance because they “volunteered to go to war and knew the consequences.”

    = Then he was the First President to tell the members of the military that THEY were UNPATRIOTIC for balking at the last suggestion. (Thank God he didn’t get away with THIS one.)

    = First president to allow Iran to inspect their own facilities.

    = First president to have blood on his hands from Benghazi to the assassinations of several police officers.

    = First president to trade 5 terrorist for a traitor

    = First president to facilitate the Iranians to acquire nuclear weapons.

    = First president to light up the White House in rainbow colors to honor men that lust after other men’s rear ends.

    = First president to put young children in danger by forcing states to allow men in women’s restroom and showers.

    = First president to marry a man.

    = First president to smoke crack cocaine in the White House.

    = First President to have been sodomized by a transsexual in the White House.

    So, in light of all these wonderful, amazing and glorious achievements, all I'm asking is that you give a Dindu a break.

  3. #843
    Pastor's 5 year old son

    While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his five-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister’s son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: “Glory be unto the Faaaather. and unto the Sonnn….. and into the hole he gooooes.”

  4. #844
    Top 5 Banned Commercials Hot Funny Ads 2017
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3KArf9EdM2c

  5. #845
    Moments You Wouldn’t Believe if They Weren’t Recorded

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8GMmT0kK9h0

  6. #846
    Very Funny moments caught on camera video

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KSlSCZOEJI8

  7. #847
    Mike Snider - Banjer Funnyman

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1EiFwgvcuDw

  8. #848

  9. #849
    A man and his wife moved back home to North Dakota from Arizona .




    The wife had a wooden leg and to insure it in Arizona was $2,000.00
    a year!!!




    When they arrived in North Dakota , they went to Sven's Insurance
    agency to see how much it would cost to insure the wooden leg.




    Sven looked it up on his computer and said to the couple,"$39.00."




    The husband was shocked and asked why it was so cheap in North
    Dakota to insure, because it cost him $2,000.00 in Arizona !!!




    Sven turned his computer screen to the couple and said, "Well, here
    is it on the screen, direct from Ole's North Dakota Fire Insurance
    Company , it says: Any wooden structure, with a sprinkler system
    over it, is $39.00".




    I always did find North Dakota logic far superior to most others.

  10. #850
    Congressman Blowhard was deep in a strategy session with his campaign team, preparing for the election less than a month away.

    An intern came running in, exclaiming "Turn on the TV! The President just announced that a meteor is going destroy Earth in 40 days, and there's no way to stop it!"

    Everyone around the table got quiet. "What are we going to do", someone finally asked.

    "There's so little time left" gasped a woman pregnant with her first child.

    An older staffer sighed, and said "There's no question about it. Our lives and our whole world are at stake, and we need to think about what's important.".





    Blowhard chimed in...

    "I agree. So how can we spin this to help us in the polls?".

  11. #851
    Cops have new plan for ferguson Protesters.

    I heard they are going to disperse the crowds by dropping job applications out
    of helicopters!

  12. #852

  13. #853
    Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, "I bet you don't know what day this is." "Of course I do," he indignantly answered, going out the door on his way to the office.

    At 10 a.m., the doorbell rang, and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a box containing a dozen long-stemmed red roses.

    At 1 p.m., a foil-wrapped, two pound box of her favorite chocolates arrived.

    Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress.

    The woman couldn't wait for her husband to come home. "First the flowers, then the candy, and then the dress!" she exclaimed. "I've never spent a more wonderful Groundhog Day in my whole life!"

  14. #854
    The Steve Allen Show - Lou Costello and Jonathon Winters 6/23/1957

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uv87xDb8jaI

  15. #855
    politics explained

    Many of you will recall that on July 8, 1947, witnesses claim that an Unidentified flying object with five aliens aboard crashed onto a sheep and cattle ranch just outside Roswell, New Mexico.
    This is a Well-known incident that many say has long been reportedly covered up by
    the U.S. Air Force and the federal government.
    However, what you may NOT know is that in the month of March 1948, exactly nine months after that historic day, the following people were born:

    Albert Arnold Gore, Jr.
    Hillary Rodham
    John F. Kerry
    William Jefferson Clinton
    Howard Dean
    Nancy Pelosi
    Dianne Feinstein
    Charles E. Schumer
    Barbara Boxer
    See what happens when aliens breed with sheep?
    Certainly hope this piece of information clears up a lot of things for you. It did for me

  16. #856
    From the middle of Pacific, a steamer passing.
    One of the passenger show to the steamer captain an tiny island. On that island, a man jump, shake a huge flag, make a huge fire, bla bla.
    The passenger ask the captain
    - Who is that man?
    - I don't know, but he is very happy when we passing around.

  17. #857
    The Young Farmer Guy

    A young farmer type guy, took his new cow with him, to the neighbors farm, to breed it with their bull.

    The neighbor's cute daughter took him and his cow, out to the corral, and put the cow in with the bull.

    The bull immediately went to work on the cow while the farmer guy and the daughter watched. Smiling the farmer guy turned to the daughter, and said, "boy I sure would like to be doing what that bull is doing".

    The daughter stepped back, and smiled, and said "really".

    The farmer guy grinned and said, "I sure would!"

    Hearing this, the daughter spun around and headed back to the house, and yelled back, "it's your cow, you can do anything you want!"

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