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CHAT Ladies! Needed: Your definition of a Decent Man
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  1. #1
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    Ladies! Needed: Your definition of a Decent Man

    That's wright, we have all seen the alpha-beta-sigma-rho-epsilon guide to gauging men, but let's get REAL.

    Please define what characteristics a decent man has.
    You know what I'm talkin about.
    We all know them.
    Maybe they were our dads, or brothers, or husbands.

    Maybe just someone we knew casually or worked with.

    Describe that guy, and what made (makes) him special.
    "Dark and difficult times lie ahead. Soon we will all face the choice between what is right, and what is easy."
    Dumbledore to Harry Potter, Goblet of Fire.

    Luke 21:36

    A people who no longer recognize sin and evil, are not a people who will recognize tyranny and despotism either. Invar


    “During the course of your life you will find that things are not always fair. You will find that things happen to you that you do not deserve and that are not always warranted. But you have to put your head down and fight, fight, fight. Never, ever, ever give up!”

    - President Donald J. Trump

  2. #2
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    And, ladies (and common women, too), don't forget to add...

    What type of men you historically tended to moon over, date, stalk, sleep with, read about in the news if a celebrity, marry and/or have children by instead.
    Proud member Alt-Right group "Scientists For Trump". (Smart Americans know he's right.)
    A man should only take a wife whose Bible includes Genesis, Leviticus, Deuteronomy, Colossians, Malachi, Isaiah, Ephesians, Corinthians, Hebrews, Timothy, Titus, Proverbs, Mark, Peter & Revelation. Ecclesiastes 7:28 (NIV) tells him the odds.

  3. #3
    THIS. im gonna watch close.

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by MinnesotaSmith View Post
    What type of men you historically tended to moon over, date, stalk, sleep with, read about in the news if a celebrity, marry and/or have children by instead.
    This is NOT going to turn into a woman bashing thread...

    RIGHT?

    Cardinal asked the female types for their opinion, let's respect that.
    Proud Infidel...............and Cracker

    Member: Nowski Brigade

    Deplorable


  5. #5
    Hate to step in here, but Card asked for female responses. Thus far, all the responses - including mine - are from men! Curious.

    Best
    Doc

  6. #6
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    A decent man is happy when I take time to cook him a meal or bring him homemade treats. He doesn't go on and on about whatever diet he is on.

    He also takes a moment to text or otherwise check in when he arrives somewhere and it's really stormy and makes sure that I arrive safely, too.

    And lastly, he's a really good companion. He has projects and goals that he is working on and is interested in what I'm doing, too. We are frequently working on stuff together, like remodeling a garage or etching decorations, and it's fun. Most of the guys I've dated for any length of time were highly creative, out-of-the-box thinkers who disliked large cities and conventional workplaces.

    I don't know or care about all the alpha, gamma, sigma crap. I wasn't into cliques in high school, in church, or in the workplace.

  7. #7
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    I think that what women want in a man is the same as what men want from women:

    Decency
    Honor
    Integrity
    Loyalty
    Kindness
    Affectionate (without being smothering)
    Attentiveness
    Being a “best friend”
    Being a responsible adult
    Not a criminal
    Not a druggie
    Clean in dress and hygiene
    Able to hold a job

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dennis Olson View Post
    I think that what women want in a man is the same as what men want from women:

    Decency
    Honor
    Integrity
    Loyalty
    Kindness
    Affectionate (without being smothering)
    Attentiveness
    Being a “best friend”
    Being a responsible adult
    Not a criminal
    Not a druggie
    Clean in dress and hygiene
    Able to hold a job
    You'd be wrong, Dennis.

    Just two examples:

    1) men having a good job (or wealth) is paramount to many women finding men attractive as husbands. Men hardly care about that conversely. Male doctors historically married female nurses aplenty, but female doctors rarely marry male nurses. I've SEEN multiple "If you're rich, I'm single" bumper stickers on cars owned by women; not one on vehicles owned by men.

    2) Men on Death Row for horrible crimes get LOADS of gushing fan mail from women. Women lifers, virtually none of the equivalent from men.
    Last edited by MinnesotaSmith; 09-10-2019 at 04:37 PM.
    Proud member Alt-Right group "Scientists For Trump". (Smart Americans know he's right.)
    A man should only take a wife whose Bible includes Genesis, Leviticus, Deuteronomy, Colossians, Malachi, Isaiah, Ephesians, Corinthians, Hebrews, Timothy, Titus, Proverbs, Mark, Peter & Revelation. Ecclesiastes 7:28 (NIV) tells him the odds.

  9. #9
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    Millwright, Cardinal and I are having fun going back and forth with this general subject today...

    Quote Originally Posted by Millwright View Post
    This is NOT going to turn into a woman bashing thread...

    RIGHT?

    Cardinal asked the female types for their opinion, let's respect that.
    I don't get at all that's she's peeved at me yet today. The first hint of that, I'm a puff of smoke, I promise.
    Proud member Alt-Right group "Scientists For Trump". (Smart Americans know he's right.)
    A man should only take a wife whose Bible includes Genesis, Leviticus, Deuteronomy, Colossians, Malachi, Isaiah, Ephesians, Corinthians, Hebrews, Timothy, Titus, Proverbs, Mark, Peter & Revelation. Ecclesiastes 7:28 (NIV) tells him the odds.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dennis Olson View Post
    I think that what women want in a man is the same as what men want from women:

    Decency
    Honor
    Integrity
    Loyalty
    Kindness
    Affectionate (without being smothering)
    Attentiveness
    Being a “best friend”
    Being a responsible adult
    Not a criminal
    Not a druggie
    Clean in dress and hygiene
    Able to hold a job
    I think you are largely correct, Dennis. Also, for me, personally, any man I dated/married would have to believe in Jesus Christ; and attending church regularly, reading the Bible, and prayer time (both personal and family) would need to be important to him.
    Behold, these are the mere edges of His ways, and how small a whisper we hear of Him.
    Job 26:14

    wickr ID freeholder45

  11. #11
    IMO, Dennis' list is pretty good.

    My new fella - who keeps surprising me with how decent he is - is protective of his daughter; spent all night long keeping me sane through a bit of a crisis and was still there the next day; and didn't make me feel bad about the problem in question (wasn't my problem, but last husband did try to make it my problem so I had to deal with it all by myself PLUS his crap); and he finds ways to make me laugh when I'm ready to dig a hole, climb in, and cover it over myself.

    He is gentle and kind; wise and experienced. He's good at what he does and works hard. He cares and is very smart but not so proud that he won't let me help him, when he needs it or just a bit of pampering. He knows what he believes and why; he tries to stay on the right side of the line and won't bend that - until there's no choice open to him, then Katie bar the door.

    Does that help some Cardinal?

  12. #12
    Quote Originally Posted by Dennis Olson View Post
    I think that what women want in a man is the same as what men want from women:

    Decency
    Honor
    Integrity
    Loyalty
    Kindness
    Affectionate (without being smothering)
    Attentiveness
    Being a “best friend”
    Being a responsible adult
    Not a criminal
    Not a druggie
    Clean in dress and hygiene
    Able to hold a job
    Well said, I agree. A sense of humor is important. IMHO
    Last edited by ambereyes; 09-10-2019 at 04:45 PM. Reason: one more thing!
    “Our knowledge can only be finite, while our ignorance must necessarily be infinite.”

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by MinnesotaSmith View Post
    1) men having a good job (or wealth) is paramount to many women finding men attractive as husbands.
    Most "rich" guys I've known matched the alpha description on the other thread. Ugh. Those guys are super boring, not to mention far too needy. The cheerleaders can have them.

    Cheerleader types are really boring, too.

    (Yes, I'm an INTJ, which doesn't help, either).

    Off to work for me -- good luck with this thread.

  14. #14
    I think the list Dennis did is really pretty good, I also have to echo the sense of humor being really important (at least to me) it will help get both partners through some really dark places.
    expatriate Californian living in rural Ireland with husband, dogs, horses. garden and many, many cats

  15. #15
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    I forgot Christian and sense of humor, because those are a given to me. My bad.

  16. #16
    I agree with what Dennis said. I expect to come first, except for the good Lord, just as my husband comes first. How much money he makes is not important. How he loves me is what matters, and he does a great job. Arguing is a terrible way to live. He takes care of the yard, I take care of the house. If either needs attention, we keep our pie holes shut, because tall grass and dishes in the sink won't matter in 100 years. He does not nitpick. He is a great Dad.

    I feel safe when he is around. He taught me how to be safe when he is not around. He lets (yes I said lets) me be who I want to be and does not try to control me, because he knows it would not work. But I offer him the same courtesy. There are good men out there, but women need to let the bad boys go and grab a real man. Don't nitpick the hell out of someone because we have our faults too. When you find a good man, hold on with everything you have and let him know how much you appreciate him. Almost 30 years and still going strong. God has blessed me.

  17. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by MinnesotaSmith View Post
    I don't get at all that's she's peeved at me yet today. The first hint of that, I'm a puff of smoke, I promise.
    Agreed, not peeved. You and I troll each other regularly, it is my second favorite hobby. The first being my martial art. Where I beat up on men.
    "Dark and difficult times lie ahead. Soon we will all face the choice between what is right, and what is easy."
    Dumbledore to Harry Potter, Goblet of Fire.

    Luke 21:36

    A people who no longer recognize sin and evil, are not a people who will recognize tyranny and despotism either. Invar


    “During the course of your life you will find that things are not always fair. You will find that things happen to you that you do not deserve and that are not always warranted. But you have to put your head down and fight, fight, fight. Never, ever, ever give up!”

    - President Donald J. Trump

  18. #18
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    Adding my own 2 cents, I look for four things in a man; courage, intelligence, a functional moral compass and a kind heart. Add to that chemistry, and we're good.
    Usually at least one of those things is absent, the functional moral compass being the most common thing missing.
    "Dark and difficult times lie ahead. Soon we will all face the choice between what is right, and what is easy."
    Dumbledore to Harry Potter, Goblet of Fire.

    Luke 21:36

    A people who no longer recognize sin and evil, are not a people who will recognize tyranny and despotism either. Invar


    “During the course of your life you will find that things are not always fair. You will find that things happen to you that you do not deserve and that are not always warranted. But you have to put your head down and fight, fight, fight. Never, ever, ever give up!”

    - President Donald J. Trump

  19. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dennis Olson View Post
    I think that what women want in a man is the same as what men want from women:

    Decency
    Honor
    Integrity
    Loyalty
    Kindness
    Affectionate (without being smothering)
    Attentiveness
    Being a “best friend”
    Being a responsible adult
    Not a criminal
    Not a druggie
    Clean in dress and hygiene
    Able to hold a job
    Quote Originally Posted by Freeholder View Post
    I think you are largely correct, Dennis. Also, for me, personally, any man I dated/married would have to believe in Jesus Christ; and attending church regularly, reading the Bible, and prayer time (both personal and family) would need to be important to him.
    And not looking for me to be his mother or ask me to live a 1950's housewife fetish lifestyle and it IS a fetish... ain't going to happen!
    People are quick to confuse and despise confidence as arrogance but that is common amongst those who have never accomplished anything in their lives and who have always played it safe not willing to risk failure.

  20. #20
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    I, of course, agree with the core principals that Dennis shared. Loving the Lord first. I have been happily married for 23 years. I'm going to assume you are looking for something different. I am an INFJ, so this is right up my alley. I am surrounded right now by women who are either going through, have gone through, or thinking about going through a divorce. I talk with them a lot because I like to try and understand why. Here is what I am hearing:

    1. Women fall in love with the way you make them feel. When you stop doing those things, then they fall out of love. I am talking about the emotional side of it, not the commitment. If you used to look her in the eyes and have long conversations, take her dancing, do bible studies, ect.. in the beginning...continue to do those things.

    2. Excitement. We need it. This will look like different things to different women. If you have an active woman, take her on a new adventure (kayaking, hiking, ect..). If you have a woman who likes music...find another band to take her to see. Whatever you two do together to have fun and or excitement.

    3. DO THINGS TOGETHER. I don't care if it is the grocery shopping, chores, dates, ect.. There comes a time in a busy relationship/marriage where it feels more like "roommates" than a relationship. Everything can be a chance to be together.

    I hope that helps. Me, personally being an INFJ, a good mind is really important, he has to like to discuss lots of varied things, and a sense of humor. My love languages are acts of service and physical touch so... hard worker, playful, cuddly.

  21. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dennis Olson View Post
    I forgot Christian and sense of humor, because those are a given to me. My bad.
    A good sense of humor and Christian are at the top of the list for me. The ability to laugh at oneself in a non-depricative manner is also a good trait.
    People are quick to confuse and despise confidence as arrogance but that is common amongst those who have never accomplished anything in their lives and who have always played it safe not willing to risk failure.

  22. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by Meemur View Post
    A decent man is happy when I take time to cook him a meal or bring him homemade treats. He doesn't go on and on about whatever diet he is on.

    He also takes a moment to text or otherwise check in when he arrives somewhere and it's really stormy and makes sure that I arrive safely, too.

    And lastly, he's a really good companion. He has projects and goals that he is working on and is interested in what I'm doing, too. We are frequently working on stuff together, like remodeling a garage or etching decorations, and it's fun. Most of the guys I've dated for any length of time were highly creative, out-of-the-box thinkers who disliked large cities and conventional workplaces.

    I don't know or care about all the alpha, gamma, sigma crap. I wasn't into cliques in high school, in church, or in the workplace.
    Gamma types, which is what you are, like to be left to their own devices they have no desire to either lead or follow... they are content with their own company or the company of one or two other individuals, of that individual is a cat or a dog.
    People are quick to confuse and despise confidence as arrogance but that is common amongst those who have never accomplished anything in their lives and who have always played it safe not willing to risk failure.

  23. #23
    Agree with Dennis' complete list, but would add one: able to lead without being a jerk. Because my husband has all of Dennis' listed qualities and can lead, I am more than happy to follow.

    Just celebrated our tenth anniversary in July. Wish I would have met him before the ex, but I probably wouldn't have appreciated him near as much. I'd like to think I learned that lesson well.

    And - for MS - I never went for the bad boys. I thought that having economic status, ethnicity, education, basic views on life, and friendship in common was enough when I chose my ex. Obviously, it wasn't.

  24. #24
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    Not to bud in, but wouldn't what one looks for in a spouse change as you age? A 20-something looks for something different than a 30-something...maybe that's why young married couple divorce later in life.
    A socialist will trample over one hundred poor people just for the chance to throw a rock at a rich man.

  25. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by Countrybumpkin View Post
    Not to bud in, but wouldn't what one looks for in a spouse change as you age? A 20-something looks for something different than a 30-something...maybe that's why young married couple divorce later in life.
    Most definitely it changes!
    People are quick to confuse and despise confidence as arrogance but that is common amongst those who have never accomplished anything in their lives and who have always played it safe not willing to risk failure.

  26. #26
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    A Godly man. My husband is a Godly man. There is nothing sexier. He doesn't demand others do as he believes, he just lives his life and treats others as he believes Jesus requires. He has all the attributes that Dennis mentions rolled into one. It is a blessing.
    "It is never the tigers that get you. It is always the gnats."

  27. #27
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    Wow. There are a lot of things I’m not going to put here bc I don’t have time.

    Someone who shares chores w me. Even if I’m helping him on the car. I like him to teach me what he’s doing and why. I don’t care if he does dishes but the other things that either of us do. Do it together if you can to make the work lighter and faster sharing knowledge as we go along. Or maybe just cutting up.

    Someone who has a conversation with me. Or someone who can share silence until you see something cool.

    Someone who enjoys being outside.

    Someone who likes to tear down and fix things like I do.

    Someone who understands that I think most TV is a waste of time, but who likes to watch cooking shows so we can create a severe kitchen mess when we feel creative.

    Someone who knows I REALLY don’t like football and understands I will watch the game but am meh about most of them.

    Someone who knows I’m not really into diamonds but knows a new plant will make me happy!

    Someone who will experiment in the garden.

    And mostly a kind person who will listen to rants when I need them, helps other ppl and who loves animals.

    A person who knows how to disagree without actually fighting about stuff. And who can get over a true, rare argument, shut up about it and move on.

    I guess just keeping it simple works for me.
    The Operative: “The path to peace is paved with corpses. It’s always been so.”

    Malcolm Reynolds: “So me and mine got to lie down and die so you can live in your better world?”

  28. #28
    On the list should be sex, good sex and for a long time. He or she stray for a reason.
    Mike

  29. #29
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    FireDance, that all sounds a lot like “best friend”.

  30. #30
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    I generally agree with Dennis's list, especially when he added the Christian part. I think I can get all of those things in this simple wish: I want a man who worships Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior and follows His teachings and obeys Him, based on a Biblical foundation.
    There can be no divided allegiance here. Any man who says he is an American, but something else also, isn't an American at all. We have room for but one flag, the American flag... We have room for but one language here, and that is the English language... and we have room for but one sole loyalty and that is a loyalty to the American people."Theodore Roosevelt-1907.

  31. #31
    What Dennis said, and I’m blessed to have one that I will fight to keep.

    Minnesota, one kind of man I would NOT want. A man who is so small he carries bitterness from past life experiences, whines about his victimhood and carries a chip on his shoulder.

  32. #32
    The list is a good start. 40+ years. Lots of changes. Two things remain the same...our commitment to God and to each other. A good sense of humor and the ability to live with a creative woman have helped immensely. It takes a real man to live with someone who can spend hours in her own mind.

  33. #33
    Quote Originally Posted by Dennis Olson View Post
    FireDance, that all sounds a lot like “best friend”.
    If your spouse isn't your best friend, you've done something wrong.
    Better to be a warrior in a garden than a gardener in a war.

  34. #34
    Everything Dennis said, plus he is my best friend. We worked through and survived some pretty tough stuff - together. He also understands and accepts my need to be alone and individual sometimes. I love and accept his very dry sense of humor and stubbornness. We have been married 35 years and I still thank God for him.

  35. #35
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    As I told Mr.s TB years ago in a somewhat related discussion, I don't-
    Cheat on her....
    Beat the kids...
    Piss in the sink...(I've seen it)
    I'm quite the catch ladies

    I'm out of here, unless summoned.
    III

    Keep ignoring my rights and I'll keep ignoring your laws.

  36. #36
    Lol good job Turret buster!

    Fellas, we noticed yall liked the topic, so we made you your very own clubhouse...
    With your very own version of the questions. Enjoy : )
    Thoughts are things. Thus I'm careful of the thoughts I think, & the company I keep.
    I myself am entirely made of flaws, stiched together with good intentions.
    MOON™~> all in the ignorant opinion of an uneducated slip of a woman who keeps forgetting to mind her manners, know her place and bow down to her betters

  37. #37
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    NEVER TAKE FISHING ADVICE FROM A FISH
    WARNING!!!

    My use of pronouns will offend faggots, the mentally ill, and the gender confused.

  38. #38
    ...
    Last edited by Bumblepuff; 09-11-2019 at 07:33 AM.

  39. #39
    Quote Originally Posted by GammaRat View Post
    NEVER TAKE FISHING ADVICE FROM A FISH
    Its been such a long, rough day i don't even know what that means, lol...
    But scootch on over to your room, so we gurls can talk freely boutcha ::grins::
    Thoughts are things. Thus I'm careful of the thoughts I think, & the company I keep.
    I myself am entirely made of flaws, stiched together with good intentions.
    MOON™~> all in the ignorant opinion of an uneducated slip of a woman who keeps forgetting to mind her manners, know her place and bow down to her betters

  40. #40
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    It was a joke.... But there's some wisdom there...


    I'll go to my room now
    WARNING!!!

    My use of pronouns will offend faggots, the mentally ill, and the gender confused.

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