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CHAT Widowhood, You don't want to live through it. Old men , no teeth are the only thing available
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  1. #41
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    OaD, My Dear Mother loves to quote "Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the open ones are handicapped."

    Sorry things aren't as you would have them be. Set general boundaries, then be open to risk an attachment. You only invest of your time, kindness, love or money IF you choose.

    Words from someone who is younger and never been lonely although a great deal of my adult time has been alone. fwiw
    "You are allowed to be disappointed but not surprised"

  2. #42
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    TX & ID
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    Doc1, You're right...

    I was looking at the situation through the narrow prism of my own negative experience with my late last husband who never saw a Rolex or Jaguar that he didn't constantly whine about until I gave in and bought in order to shut him up. My first thought about the toothless fellow was that he didn't have much self respect or he was dirt poor and looking for some lonely lady to take care of him (financially and household wise).

    I don't necessarily agree about women's sexual marketplace declining too terribly after age 30 though. Heck, my mother remarried for the last time when she was 87 and the old dears were very "active" in that way and deliciously happy with each other for the years they had left. Don't give up hope OAD! Oh, and check used appliances on Craigslist -- often you can find working fridges quite reasonably priced or even free!

  3. #43
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zahra View Post
    All well and true, but if he's so poor he can't afford dentures or implants, then he's what I'd consider a "project". At OAD's age does she need or want a dependent to support or a project?

    OAD, I feel what you're saying. My husband passed away about 3 years ago now, and I'm younger than you (63) but feel the loneliness too, and time is ticking away with more grey hairs showing up all the time.

    I'd enjoy a meaningful relationship again, but I'm not sure I'm up for the baggage of step children and all of the related family complications. I am the "nurse with the purse" for real too, so he'd have to be financially capable of pulling his own weight - and preferably a prepper with the same vision of self sustainability and preparedness that I have.

    IOW, our Heavenly Father would need to deliver me a miracle -- so I'm not holding my breath! Thank the Lord for my Maltese dogs! LOL!!!
    My step-father is toothless, but it's because his first set of dentures was painful to wear and he's too stubborn to try again, not because he can't afford or get new dentures. We really do have to be careful about making generalizations.

    And I disagree with the person who thought the old man was a show-off for saying 'amen' in church. I have to admit that I don't care for that myself, because that's not the kind of church I'm used to (and because as a quiet person, I don't like to call attention to myself by speaking up). But there are a lot of churches that encourage their people to say amen to everything. If the old gentleman was used to one of those, it would be perfectly normal for him to say amen to everything.

    Kathleen
    Behold, these are the mere edges of His ways, and how small a whisper we hear of Him.
    Job 26:14

    wickr ID freeholder45

  4. #44
    I must agree with others who said not to lower your standards, but be sure to take a look at the inside, who the person really is, before dismissing solely based on what the outside looks like.

  5. #45
    Well, I rent one end of a house in the countryside from a lady. We are friends and that is all. I do some of the outdoor work and the heavy stuff around the place. Both of us get a bit sick on and off so it works out.

  6. #46
    OAD, lady, each time you post I learn from you. Your wisdom, your day to day life, and the GRACE in which you handle it all is an inspiration.

    You bring things to mind that this 54 year old man will be facing at some point in life. As all of us will. I sincerely hope I'll have the grace, presence of mind and the guts to take on life as you have-by the horns.


    Quote Originally Posted by Old as dirt View Post
    Going on three years with out my sailor from world war two, What a journey. I still live on the farm, but watching things rot around me Church men got leaves off the roof.
    And would you believe every darn thing that runs on Elect breaks down. I had a power surge and lost a refrigerator and tv, and recorder and microwave, Cannot afford to replace refrigerator in kitchen, but do have one in back room that is still running after forty years. I hope it lasts a while, till I save enough money to buy one for the kitchen.
    I have two dogs who sleep with me and they remind me there is something still alive in the bed besides me. Cooking for one is terrible, Left overs get tossed out to possum's and Raccoons, They line up at dark at the back porch just waiting for me to toss out old food. They will eat anything I toss.
    I always worry about driving , I would not have a clue how to get help. Although service man at Tundra dealer said I would never call him as the tundra trucks never break down. That's a help.
    I was sitting in church and a old man with no teeth, sat down beside me. All skinny, a bible thumper for sure as he kept saying Amen to sermon, No thanks just the thought made me ill, I moved to another seat.
    I don't think old till I look in the mirror, where did that pretty woman go??

    I get meals on wheels, and most of the meat is great, but frozen vegs turn to mush when they are put in Microwave;.
    I did grab a man to sweep tons of leaves off the roof, A sweet neighbor. Men are the greatest , woman just don't know that till you have to get along with out one.
    Anyway, my age is keeping me from coping well, I will be ninety in feb of next year. I do not garden anymore, But hey all in in all there is still a young gal in me.
    Any other widows out there ?

  7. #47
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dennis Olson View Post
    Gotta agree with Faroe. Don’t settle.
    My Grandmother Mom's side remarried when she ws 79. Wonderful man named Tom Bright. "He'll do till I find better" she said.

  8. #48
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    Everyone's experience is different. I just turned 62 last Thursday.
    I lost Jim 7 years ago, and my daughter Julia 14 years aqo.
    So, were it not for the cats and dogs, I would probably sleep later in the morning than I do.

    However, I swing kettlebells, practice martial arts and just recently started marathon training again.
    I have met some fantastic men through my martial arts practice, dated two of them. Yeah, they are younger, but who cares.
    I have a large and loving circle of men and women friends through this group, and am transitioning to another career and am about as happy as I have ever been.

    I firmly believe in doing all you can, and leaving the rest to God.
    I thank Him every day for all my blessings.
    I am not lonely, because I REFUSE to be.

    And Baron, pm me and I'll give you my address and take some of that booze off your hands for ya.
    "Dark and difficult times lie ahead. Soon we will all face the choice between what is right, and what is easy."
    Dumbledore to Harry Potter, Goblet of Fire.

    Luke 21:36

    A people who no longer recognize sin and evil, are not a people who will recognize tyranny and despotism either. Invar


    “During the course of your life you will find that things are not always fair. You will find that things happen to you that you do not deserve and that are not always warranted. But you have to put your head down and fight, fight, fight. Never, ever, ever give up!”

    - President Donald J. Trump

  9. #49
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    I agree 100% with Doc1's post. BTW Dennis. Is your spell checker acting up again? Post #7. Though, not thought. Were, not we're. Just thought I would bring that to your attention.
    Yesterday I was young, today I am old, tomorrow I'm dead, and the day after that I never was.

  10. #50
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    Well lots of advice. As for the old man he came to the house one time and I was pruning my grape vines, I handed him the cutters and he said no, My hands hurt, I said , "I am sorry" let me get a chair for you to set while I prune. In the Sunday school class he comes off as a smart ass. Actually not sure I would know what to do with a new man. I think I am all talk.
    I kept my oil painting class going for a while, I have gave it up. I have a hot house and do like different plants. I got more darn farel cats than I know what to do with. I got a big compost pile out back, and thinking if I fertilize it I may get okra to grow in it.
    Also Meals on wheels is a life saver, But when you try and eat mushy vegs , I try and doctor them up with butter and some salt , its tough. The meat is good , and do appreciate them. What I really like is the grape juice they bring.
    I had sixty eight years with my sailor, He was my life. And no I do not want to care for another man who is helpless.
    I have learned I can get in my recliner at night and watch crappy programs and not have someone say why are you watching that. " naked and afraid" is a favorite of mine.
    also I go to the Gym Mondays , Wednesday, and Fridays, Walk the treadmill for thirty mins and and some bicycle riding. Also the rowing machine. Lots of old men there with there pot bellies, hurting them selves lifting weights. Fun to watch.
    Don't get me wrong, I think men are great, always have.
    I do a lot of reading in bed at night, along with dogs, also sometimes a cat or two.
    I really not sure what I want, just flopping in the wind right now.
    Loved all the posts, made my day.

  11. #51
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    Quote Originally Posted by Doc1 View Post
    OAD didn't say the old guy was "fresh" or a "show-off." He may have been - or not - but that's not what she said. Why do you automatically read that into it? Objectively, all she said was that he was old, had no teeth, sat next to her and said "amen" frequently. Let's not automatically assume the worst about the guy. He could have said "amen" because he was devout or maybe because he was a show-off. OAD doesn't indicate this one way or another. He sat next to her. Big deal. OAD didn't say that he was a masher or acted inappropriately. He just sat down next to her. Off with his head! Right? In other posts, some folks are advising OAD not to lower her standards. Fair enough, but - with reference to the old guy - who the 'ell here knows anything about him or his standards? OAD's chief complaints seemed to be that he was old and had no teeth. Again, objectively, these seem like pretty superficial criteria, especially amongst old folks. Then others start going on about old men seeking to fleece widows of their property. Wow! Some of you are reading a whole lot more into this than anything OAD actually said. Apparently, based on nothing at all, some of our members are ready to consider an anonymous old man as a groper, a show off, a man of low standards and a schemer hoping to fleece widows out of their property. Maybe the old man was devoutly religious and just innocently decided to sit next to OAD. Maybe he thought she was pretty. Maybe the church was crowded. Maybe. maybe, maybe and none of you know anything more about it than I do.
    Quote Originally Posted by ioujc View Post
    No teeth huh? Oh well, that isn't the end of the world ya know. And at your age, you really ought to know that beauty really IS only skin deep.

    Ugly on the outside may hide a wonderful inside. Lots of people are not handsome when they get old. In fact most of them are not, however I have met some absolutely BEAUTIFUL souls housed in worn out used up bodies.
    Quote Originally Posted by rockcreek View Post
    Doc1 I get what you are saying. I was thinking also that he may have been a kind, interesting gentleman. I met a few men over the years that were not great looking. But after getting to know them I forgot about the looks and just enjoyed talking to them. That's not lowering your standards.
    Quote Originally Posted by Freeholder View Post
    My step-father is toothless, but it's because his first set of dentures was painful to wear and he's too stubborn to try again, not because he can't afford or get new dentures. We really do have to be careful about making generalizations.

    And I disagree with the person who thought the old man was a show-off for saying 'amen' in church. I have to admit that I don't care for that myself, because that's not the kind of church I'm used to (and because as a quiet person, I don't like to call attention to myself by speaking up). But there are a lot of churches that encourage their people to say amen to everything. If the old gentleman was used to one of those, it would be perfectly normal for him to say amen to everything.
    Quote Originally Posted by Quiet Man View Post
    I must agree with others who said not to lower your standards, but be sure to take a look at the inside, who the person really is, before dismissing solely based on what the outside looks like.
    I have to agree with all of these posts.

    And I have to wonder, how would OAD feel if she worked up the courage to sit down next to a man and church, and he just got up and moved away from her?

    I thought Christians were not supposed to judge, and admittedly it's going on while sitting in church in her post.

    Did he slip his arm around her and say "what's shakin', toots?" What if he would have showed up at her house to fix her fridge, would he have been OK then?

    I have always like OAD and her posts, and I wouldn't want her to get taken advantage of. But that was pretty judgmental. My dad was fairly wealthy, and when he got his teeth pulled to wear dentures, he just couldn't keep them in. He felt terrible about the way he looked, but it wasn't going to stop him from going to church.
    -----------------------------------------------------------
    "I, YHWH, change not." ~ our Creator

  12. #52
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    Quote Originally Posted by Old as dirt View Post
    .
    Loved all the posts, made my day.
    Don't be a stranger. We love your posts too

  13. #53

    12 Hugs

    OAD...I understand much of what you are saying. I am in my mid 70's; have experienced similar thoughts and things that happen.. I would like to hug you. Hope you can feel it. hummer

  14. #54
    It sounds like you're figuring it out for yourself, OAD. Going to the gym is a good idea!

    Maybe it helps just to have male friends - or think of meeting guys and just wanting to be friends. I have a group of "big brothers" who are great when I need practical advice, how-to stuff... or if I really do need help moving heavy objects. They're all kinds of ages. Most are married. But we've "adopted" each other.

  15. #55
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    Scotto
    I did not get up and move right away that day, But made sure I sat somewhere else the rest of the Sundays.

    Your right , I should always be kind to old men.

    I would be hell to live with anyway, My late husband said he never knew what to expect from me, I was fun to live with.
    Gotta love you all.

  16. #56
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    My hubby passed in 1992. It was rough at first, but got easier as I raised 2 kids and learned to do things for myself by necessity. I was at an age I could still learn how to use tools and that helped. However, I did go for more than a year with a broken refrigerator and no money to get a new one. (camping ice chest helped.)

    When I was younger, I didn't want men coming in and out of my kid's lives. By the time they had grown, I had stopped looking and accepted life alone. I am an introvert, so it is not that bad. I like my own company and being y own boss.

    I will be turning 70 this year, but my parents lived well into their 90s. At this point, I have no idea what the future may bring.
    "During times of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act." George Orwell

  17. #57
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    Marsh,

    I never was good with tools, got to give you credit.

    I have a very old refrigerator in the back room so not as if I am totally without one, But its very old. I prefer to save money to get what I need and not charge. Old school I guess. Then again I am not worried, may never get a new refrigerator.
    What really irked me was I broke off two teeth and it cost a arm and a leg fixing them. I guess teeth get old also.
    My meal on wheels tonight was noodles with hamburger, really pretty good for a change. I added some applesauce to it and all is well.

  18. #58
    Quote Originally Posted by Garryowen View Post
    When I stopped looking in the mirror, I later discovered a booger in my mustache, or, rather had it pointed out to me. Mirror may lie, but sometimes saves embarrassment.
    HAHAHA! I can totally relate to that...
    Rom 4:8 Blessed is the man to whom the Lord will not impute sin. By the Blood of Jesus, that's me!

    Did you know that the first two chapters of Hebrews shows that the Father declared Jesus as GOD when Jesus ascended on high? :)

  19. #59
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    Quote Originally Posted by Old as dirt View Post
    I would be hell to live with anyway, My late husband said he never knew what to expect from me, I was fun to live with.
    Gotta love you all.
    I think predictable is boring.

    I also think a man would be lucky to find someone with so much character as you. But I wouldn't want you to miss a chance if a worthy man came around - even if he didn't look the part right at first.
    -----------------------------------------------------------
    "I, YHWH, change not." ~ our Creator

  20. #60
    I always feel panicky when I see a widowhood themed thread. They typically challenge me to face something in my own life that I am more comfortable not facing, lol! I'm almost 40 years younger than you, and it's not my first, or even second, dance with this devil- and yet I still feel totally raw and unequal to the task of mustering the little dignity I possess and moving fwd.

    I thought I d reached that first stage of calm waters, but when my BIL had a stroke, the scabs were torn off and I've been called upon to revisit the loss issue sooner than I might have.

    I understand what you mean, I think, about the man in the churches appearance. As I was deciding whether or not I would enter another relationship I had to ask myself if I would be attracted to a man my age. I reminded myself it was never looks, but ' the right stuff' in a man that fueled my desire, so that stopped being a concern. Still, in your shoes, I d probably double check with the man upstairs about his purposes. Never want to turn your back on a blessing, nor a chance to be a blessing, when the lord sets you upon the path.

    My experience has been that when you're ready and in due time, there will be the right companion for the time and place you find yourself. No one says only one man has to be your answer, either. I am not two years into widowhood this time, and not yet whole enough to partner with the caliber of man that attracts me. But, the weight of people worrying about me was getting hard to bear, so I started accompanying an out of town guy to company functions when he came in, and it's close enough to dating to ease people's minds. No muss, no fuss.

    I compartmentalize, use a different guy as the occassion requires, and so far so good. Am I happy, no, of course not. No man or men can change that, though. The only one who sparks my joy barely seems to stand me sometimes, so it's not a perfect system lol. But maybe it would be good enough for you too to have a sunday after church coffee man, a tuesday with the ladies night, and a thursday dinner date fella.

    And don't forget online men! Their inability to wrap arms around you is a definite drawback, but not all intimacy is physical, and sometimes other forms are even more satisfying, imoo.

    Whatever you choose, you've got my blessings and best wishes along with everyone elses! As they said too, don't forget you are loved and your wisdom valued right here! : )
    Thoughts are things. Thus I'm careful of the thoughts I think, & the company I keep.
    Those raindrops are falling on my head, they keep falling
    But there's one thing I know The blues they send to meet me
    Won't defeat me

  21. #61
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    Welcome back, OAD? I've been missing you and wondering how you've been getting along.....visit with us, more often! I know that we all love to hear from you!!!!!!

    I'm glad for you that you are exercising....that is so important to keep active! And, going to church is special, too!

    Glad you have the company of your pets, too....I don't know what I'd do, without mine....I live for them!

    I just turned 86, and it's been 4 years since my WW2 hero died....I was 73 and he was 83 when we got married! He was a wonderful addition to 9 of my later years of life! So much history to be married to! And fun and caring, too.

    Well, I've been widowed three times....the first time, leaving me with 5 young children. All these men have been so good to and for me. And, good to my kids....so important.

    But, I expect to stay alone, from now to whenever. Well, not alone....I have two of the dearest Chihuahas to love and be loved by....who could ask for more? They are my reason for trying to eat properly and stay in shape!

    Reading and playing the organ are my hobbies...and now that it's spring, I have a large flower garden with a lot of Coral Bell plants (so many colors), as well as other assorted flowers to keep me occupied. Do you try to grow anything...some flowers might be a cheery addition. (I noticed you mentioned okra as a possibility.)

    A lot of people go to their local senior center and meet others for companionship. You did mention going to the gym....I wonder if you have tried a senior center. There are two local ones, in my area....people meet for brunch....there are always tasty snacks provided by local stores and bakeries. The centers also have different programs and informative lectures, during the month. They serve dinner, during the week. One even has dances, once a month. Quite a few men go there, as well, although they are somewhat outnumbered by the ladies.

    It is a shame to have to look in the mirror and just see an old lady. Over the years, I have frequented thrift stores...mostly Goodwill, and it has half price for seniors, twice a month. I have a couple of closets full (well, three of them!) with really pretty tops, skirts and jackets that I have accumulated. I love to dress up, and even for my music lessons, I try to look spiffy, and get so many compliments on my outfits...people are amazed they come from GW! My pretty colors give me (and those who see me, I'm told) a lift!

    Then, a couple of years ago, I stopped coloring my hair and let it go all white.....I have gotten so many raves on how my hair looks....I'm lucky to have an artist for a hairdresser. Anyhow, if you can put together some pretty, bright colors and have a nice hairdo, (even if you set it, yourself, it will give you a lift.)...then, put on a little lipstick, and voila....look in the mirror and instead of seeing an old lady, you'll see the prettiest older lady that you can be! Promise!

    Wishing we were closer, but we can chat, here, so come back, more often! We love you!

  22. #62
    I have to say something about the no teeth issue. Maybe there is a reason besides lack of money that he has no teeth. In my own case i have lost 3 root canal teeth in the last couple of years and the only way I can fix it is to have it done in the hospital and I dont feel like spending 1000's on a vanity issue. Ca. has a law dentists cant work on you if your blood pressure is over 160. I dont know about Tx but maybe it is something like that.

  23. #63
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    I'm so glad to hear from you OAD! Love your posts!!!!

    You truly are an inspiration for when we get older what we can do, but also what to expect, warts and all.

    Married 47 years, I'm not a widow yet it is a fear to be without my own handsome sailor. It truly would be hard to replace those sailor smiles still evident in his older age and I don't think would even try. Besides. God sent him to me so if I do lose him, I figure God would send someone else if it was meant to be.

    Keep plugging along with all your ups and downs, sweet lady and lean on the only one you can safely lean on and listen to! Our Lord.

  24. #64
    The way your husband described you, I'm SURE there's a man out there for you. If guys are making a point to come in and sit next to you at church unannounced; you are still attractive, you still "have it". Enjoy it and have fun. Flop in the wind, as you put it. You may just find the right man to be your companion. Someone to have coffee with, work around the house, etc. Those old guys with the pot bellies at the gym are probably a lot like you-no spouse, don't know what to do with their time, etc. Women talk about their feelings, guys generally don't.

    My wife is the kind of lady your husband describes. She reminds me of a bucking bronco in that you never know what to expect next. She's a thrill a minute and a bundle of fun to be around. We're working on 22 1/2 years of marriage now and it just keeps getting better and better. I don't know if I could live without her; she is my life.


    Quote Originally Posted by Old as dirt View Post
    Scotto
    I did not get up and move right away that day, But made sure I sat somewhere else the rest of the Sundays.

    Your right , I should always be kind to old men.

    I would be hell to live with anyway, My late husband said he never knew what to expect from me, I was fun to live with.
    Gotta love you all.

  25. #65
    Quote Originally Posted by Ordinary Girl View Post
    OAD, I lost my husband 10 years ago. I was 35. He was murdered on my birthday. He was 42.
    In the beginning every minute was a struggle and I could hardly take a breath without it feeling like I was breathing in fire.
    Now as time has gone by that pain has subsided but I miss so much.
    I’ve been through 3 different kind of cancer over the past few years and though I have good friends standing by me, it’s not the same as having the love of my life laying next to me and helping me through it.
    But, like you said, their is a young girl inside me and maybe one day I will find my next great love.

    I wish you peace and love and all the good things life has to offer.
    I am so sorry and so sad to read this. I love my husband with all my heart and soul so I just cannot imagine your pain
    I once was blind but now I see!...
    Acts 9:11 The Lord told him, “Go to the house of Judas on Straight Street and ask for a man from Tarsus named Saul, for he is praying. 12 In a vision he has seen a man named Ananias come and place his hands on him to restore his sight.”

  26. #66
    Quote Originally Posted by Red Baron View Post
    Hang in there OAD!

    I'm not exactly getting flooded with nubile, buxom college cheerleaders here.

    Although I do leave whisky, Forever 21 gift cards, and Gummi Bears out on the lawn as bait.

    Try a white van and candy.

  27. #67
    Some of you gals make me glad that i am not in the market.

  28. #68
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    I'm not exactly getting flooded with nubile, buxom college cheerleaders here.


    New game among the 20something barristas at a friends usual coffee house is discussing who among the regular customers each young woman would want to go home with if the world blows up. Even at 63 my friend seems to be #1 with a bullet

    For my birthday yesterday DW gave me an arrow-shaped sign that says "Don't look back - you're not going that way."
    Last edited by Dozdoats; 05-18-2019 at 11:19 PM.
    The wonder of our time isn’t how angry we are at politics and politicians; it’s how little we’ve done about it. - Fran Porretto
    -http://bastionofliberty.blogspot.com/2016/10/a-wholly-rational-hatred.html

  29. #69
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    My beloved old-salt sailor and I are a few years into a second marriage for both, we both say that this will be the last. I know, never say never

    I think I would fare better than him after spousal death. When I'm away, I miss him but sleep well (I like to sleep alone). He only sleeps well without me if he fails asleep in his recliner.

    We are buddies and will verbally and vehemently spar like siblings. We have conversations and share inside jokes that would probably shock his parents (mine are passed) and surprise our grown children.

    It's good to hear stories from everyone, being well paired-up also means the future grief of loss. I'm grateful to y'all.
    Don't start nuthin', then won't be nuthin'

  30. #70
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    Quote Originally Posted by Garryowen View Post
    When I stopped looking in the mirror, I later discovered a booger in my mustache, or, rather had it pointed out to me. Mirror may lie, but sometimes saves embarrassment.
    Reading back through posts, I just about fell out laughing! The mirror isn't my buddy, but it does save me from a few gaffes.
    Don't start nuthin', then won't be nuthin'

  31. #71
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    The gret stet o' Virginny
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dozdoats View Post

    I'm not exactly getting flooded with nubile, buxom college cheerleaders here.


    New game among the 20something barristas at a friends usual coffee house is discussing who among the regular customers each young woman would want to go home with if the world blows up. Even at 63 my friend seems to be #1 with a bullet

    For my birthday yesterday DW gave me an arrow-shaped sign that says "Don't look back - you're not going that way."
    Happy belated birthday! Excellent gift, that saying should be on my fridge
    Don't start nuthin', then won't be nuthin'

  32. #72
    For my birthday yesterday DW gave me an arrow-shaped sign that says "Don't look back - you're not going that way."
    Last edited by Dozdoats; Today at 11:19 PM.


    Well happy birthday! No wonder you were a tad grouchy; turning 29 for the third time is hard work : )
    Thoughts are things. Thus I'm careful of the thoughts I think, & the company I keep.
    Those raindrops are falling on my head, they keep falling
    But there's one thing I know The blues they send to meet me
    Won't defeat me

  33. #73
    Lordy, look at all the people carrying on around you OAD. You are truly blessed.

  34. #74
    Quote Originally Posted by medic38572 View Post
    Most people do not understand "people need a purpose". Without a purpose, most wish they were dead. But without family or others to take care of, they replace those with other things. Most people have to have that connection. There are very few who just totally do not want to be around anyone and on their own and the only thing that matters is their peace.
    I think that most people do understand. It is those few you mentioned in the end that don't understand it. Dennis commented about having a need for companion animals at his age, but people partnering up is so hard for the young that there are people in their 20s and 30s who are just as desperate. I don't think people should have to live a certain way, but I do wonder if the decline of family and family formation is playing a huge part in this. I'm seeing people completely obsessed with their pets to the point I wonder about their mental state. From pretending these untrained pets are "service animals" to breaking rules in certain parks that rules about no pets on the trails or if allowed, must be leashed. Their Facebook and Instagrams are filled with photos of them with their pet 24/7. It is one thing to be older, maybe just mentally over the relationship game and all the issues that come with it, but for these young people to be so attached with an animal, to me it just seems odd. Many in society have definitely moved beyond "Yea, we have a dog/cat at home." to "This is my furbaby!" and they literally treat the animal as if it were a young human child.

    It took me many years to realize that during my youth my anxiety caused me more issues that I realized. Additionally, while I enjoy the company of others, I find it easy to be alone more than needing direct socialization. My wife is worse than me, and she only got slightly better when she started some anti-anxiety meds.

    I worry about my wife if something were to happen to me. She has that "refuse to adult" type mentality when it comes to certain things: Failing to recognize signs of impending failure with all things mechanical, wants nothing to do with the finances/budgeting, doesn't research and plan for certain actions she has to take, etc.. My biggest fear is that if she does get a decent insurance payout, she will be so desperate for someone she will fall for a con man who will take her for everything. I've decided recently that she needs to start growing up, and I've gotten on her about that. She dreads it, makes excuses, but she has to take ownership of life at some point.

  35. #75
    Quote Originally Posted by Scotto View Post
    And I have to wonder, how would OAD feel if she worked up the courage to sit down next to a man and church, and he just got up and moved away from her?

    I thought Christians were not supposed to judge, and admittedly it's going on while sitting in church in her post.
    This is an issue of intent. My great uncle died not that long ago. He was 88. He never married, never dated that we knew of. He started getting bad old age wise about five or so years ago. About ten or so years ago, when he knew what was coming, he started telling my dad about a woman at church. He was late 70s or early 80s and he said he was interested in her. He would say he felt she was interested in him. My dad went to church with him, the woman was likely early 50s!

    My uncle was looking for a caretaker, even though he had basically done everything most of his life for himself, he knew that harder days were on the horizon. When someone shows relationship intent, it is OK to judge. Sometimes they come off a little creepy, because desperate times will make people take desperate measures. My great uncle wanted me to run the lady's license plate to get her personal info. I told him hell no, that was illegal! After he died my folks found love letters he had written to her. Again, desperate measures and all that.

    If the same thing happens to OAD, I'm sure she'd take an emotional hit, but that is no different than that happening when one is in their 20s and the location is a college classroom, a bar, a theater, beach, etc..

    Quote Originally Posted by AlaskaSue View Post
    One bit of advice from someone who has had to go it alone for a very long time and possibly something for you to explore. I love to drive and when I drove my son's car from Washington to Florida in December 2017 (alone)...

    If you can stay active, even a bit, it will go a long way in easing depression as well as keeping you mobile and more healthy.
    Excellent advice. I see this with older people I'm around. Those who stay mobile, take care of themselves, etc. usually have decent life right up till the very end. Others end up not being able to drive for possibly years, need canes/wheelchairs, etc..

  36. #76
    Join Date
    Jun 2001
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    2,303
    OAD hopefully we'll all get to experience that "60 yr. old stuck in a 90 yr. old body". Take care of yourself!
    "In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act." George Orwell

  37. #77
    Join Date
    May 2001
    Location
    N.E.Ohio, USA
    Posts
    5,784
    So good to see so many adding to this thread.

    it was one yr ago today I had the Memorial for Dan. he has been gone 16 months now. I am doing the best I can to full fill the last 2 promises, the first was he stay home.. and he did.. passed in my arms with me telling him I loved him and it was ok.

    I am in a position I do not Need to have a man in my life.. but oh, I so miss having one to laugh with, play with, goof off with.

    I have met a few gentlemen, and most have stayed connected as "friends". I have only had one date and it was nice, but we were not the right match for each other... we see each other and check up on each other, but no romantic connection.

    so now I am feeling strange.. I have 4 gentlemen texting and calling and checking on me. I have not met any of them yet.... this week I am to meet face to face with 2 of them , a third is moving back from Va Beach.

    they are all younger, so does that make me a cougar? no one believes my age number... so instead of tooted hey! I'm 65, but I'm still alive,, I just lift an eyebrow and say, so.. you like cougars? when age comes up! (most guess me late 40's to early 50's)

    BUT my body does sometime remind me of the real years!

    I bitch and moan about the rest of the rescues that I promised him I'd take care of... but as someone else said, I would have days I do not think I would get out of bed if not for the responsibility. And they love unconditionally. I am losing 2 at a time some weeks, as they are all older, and soon they will all be gone.

    I've taken to go to winerys with friends, though I do not drink or not much if I do.. but I love to dance and laugh. I took few day trips with friends and might take in a few concerts this summer.

    the problem I have run into is.. men want to just forego the getting to know you, and enjoying the things they might find out and want to just get to the physical part.. now I'm no prude, and making love is a beautiful thing.. but that part is reserved for when I do find the right one.. because sharing my bed with them will be for keeps. some text and calls I get turn my cheeks red!

    so having said all that.... I have days I really miss having a partner to share things with.. but other days I am really happy I have no one else to consider if I am not up to cooking, or want to just waste one day.

    I guess the bottom line is, I would love to find the right partner for me, but I'm ok if it doesn;t happen. I hope he finds me, or me him....and we both laugh and love into our final yrs.
    Inner Connections
    God gets the
    Glory...He gave the Gift

  38. #78
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Posts
    16,471
    Quote Originally Posted by SAR01 View Post
    they are all younger, so does that make me a cougar?
    Sorry SAR01 that made me laugh. According to Jonas only if your grey headed.... But to me your just searching, all of you that posted have morals and certain standards that your looking for. I hope you all find what looking for.
    "Man is not to be blamed for sinning. After all, he faces great temptations and is extremely vulnerable. What he is blamed for is not doing Teshuvah (repenting) because he can do that at any time." Rav Simcha Bunim of P'shischa

  39. #79
    Join Date
    May 2001
    Location
    Anna, Texas
    Posts
    3,216
    My first though is "you need to get out more". How about a planned move to Texas. Lot of nice older men here but yo have to settle for men under 80.
    "When law and morality contradict each other, the citizen has the cruel alternative of either losing his moral sense or losing his respect for the law." ~ Frederic Bastiilt

    "Duty is ours; results are God's."

  40. #80
    so now I am feeling strange.. I have 4 gentlemen texting and calling and checking on me. I have not met any of them yet.... this week I am to meet face to face with 2 of them , a third is moving back from Va Beach.
    Sar, I've long admired your walk down the road to widowhood, and have appreciated what you shared about it. Hoping you'll have more to say about the ROE in this texting age... I thought I d done everything possible to make it clear I was not willing able or interested in any form of a relationship, but I could certainly function as a chair warmer at banquets, sit through plays, or enjoy an evening dining & dancing... I even used my actual words to underscore these things. It seemed to work out well, until we dropped the middle men, and he asked to txt me directly, then in short order scared me off by using the verboten words.

    I still have no intentions of having another relationship, but I would like someone to explain all these new technologies, and remind me how to break the codes of what is meant etc. Im sooo old that personal phones weren't even a thing last time I got corralled and tamed.

    Signed 'j' who's splashing in the shallow end and still hopelessly in over her head LOL
    Thoughts are things. Thus I'm careful of the thoughts I think, & the company I keep.
    Those raindrops are falling on my head, they keep falling
    But there's one thing I know The blues they send to meet me
    Won't defeat me

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