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SOFT NEWS Airplane Passenger Unleashes Ferocious Mega-Fart, Forces Landing and Evacuation
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  1. #41
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dennis Olson View Post
    Blazing Saddles - beans around the campfire.
    Oh ya just had to go there.

    And Red Barron that gif is just not right in the head.
    How many miles to Galt's Gulch?

  2. #42
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    Quote Originally Posted by bw View Post
    I don't care about the plane or its destination. WHAT IN GOD'S NAME DID HE EAT?
    He ate altitude, and it could have been a she and not a he! Some people expel massive amounts of gas at high altitudes.

    Watch and laugh your ass off!



    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wbAF1EExpek
    Proud to be Deplorable, Irredeemable, a Scumbag and a bigot! Nothing wrong in being any of them.

  3. #43
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    The real reason they don't allow matches on a plane anymore.

    Proud Infidel...............and Cracker

    Member: Nowski Brigade

    Deplorable


  4. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by cjoi View Post


    Meadowlark, please tell me that's a real product!
    It is. You can purchase it on amazon.
    Official TB2K Comedy Relief ; I resemble that remark! ; Aloha Snackbar; Nuke a Gay Whale For Christ and other Political Incorrectness
    Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.
    I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it. FRA

  5. #45
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    I always wondered what would happen if you blew a big one in a space suit. I am sure NASA has contingencies. At least I hope.
    Official TB2K Comedy Relief ; I resemble that remark! ; Aloha Snackbar; Nuke a Gay Whale For Christ and other Political Incorrectness
    Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.
    I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it. FRA

  6. #46
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    This just back fired on the poor smuck. He just wanted an empty seat beside him.
    Happy is the Nation whose God is the Lord. -Psalm 33:12

  7. #47
    let me guess..

    Baked beans and chopped cabbage soup for entrée?

    His favorite BTW

  8. #48
    Next Headline -

    Passengers of full airliner rushed to hospital ER suffering from mytstery gas poisoning in critical but stable condition

  9. #49
    Ahahahaha!!!!!
    ... reminds me of me and my college roomie years ago; in a house we were renting together and sharing what food we had...a night of Hamburger Helper had both of us opening all the windows.

    Not my most attractive moment but it sure was funny coming from two little blond college girls haha! Lethal, just lethal.
    Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding,
    acknowledge Him in all your ways and He will direct your path.

  10. #50
    Quote Originally Posted by BetterLateThanNever View Post
    I could see this maybe on a Piper Cub 2 seater, but on an airliner?
    I know people who could easily initiate an emergency landing.

  11. #51
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    Wow! Just Wow! An entire airliner. My hero.

    Definitely need this individual at the next Anti Trump rally.
    "They wanted to be left alone to face challenges head-on, and to prosper from their own hard work and ingenuity...harsh country tends to produce strong people."-John Erickson

  12. #52
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    Give me three beers and three low quality hot dogs, I can easily belch half of the alphabet in one hearty ear shattering go.

    I guess it is better to let out a decent belch than to hold it in and later have to deal with a room clearing weapon of mass distraction emanating from one's own butt?
    "The most intriguing point for the historian is that where history and legend meet."

    "None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who think they are free."

    Johann Wolfgang von Goethe


  13. #53
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    Quote Originally Posted by Achilles View Post
    Probiotics and carbs could do that.

    I've been kicked out of my own living room for being rancid because of a certain probiotic.

    Threw that crap away.
    Which probiotic, please?
    “And how we burned in the camps later, thinking: What would things have been like if every Security operative, when he went out at night to make an arrest, had been uncertain whether he would return alive and had to say good-bye to his family? If...if...We didn't love freedom enough. And even more – we had no awareness of the real situation.... We purely and simply deserved everything that happened afterward.”
    ― Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

  14. #54
    Quote Originally Posted by Garryowen View Post
    Which probiotic, please?
    You on the outs with your family?

  15. #55
    OSS (Office of Strategic Services) in WW2 invented a substance called WHO ME?. Its primary use was against enemy troops in the Phillipines. To use, just squirt a small amount on the backside of an enemy officers uniform. After a short time the unmistakable odor of SH-T would penetrate the air. Then everybody would look/sniff around to discover who did the deed and everybody would have the "Who Me?" expression on their face.

    True story. Look it up.

  16. #56
    Quote Originally Posted by JoanD777 View Post
    Its primary use was against enemy troops in the Phillipines. To use, just squirt a small amount on the backside of an enemy officers uniform.
    If you could get close enough to an enemy officer to squirt something on the seat of his pants, you could perhaps think of something more drastic to do than just embarrass him. Not sure how stinky enemy officers furthers the war effort.

  17. #57
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    Hey, at least they were on a plane. I once gassed out a Honda Civic from the back seat. We must have been quite the sight, rolling down the highway, windows down and sunroof open, in the middle of winter with heavy snow falling.
    We are fast approaching the stage of the ultimate inversion:
    the stage where the government is free to do anything it pleases, while the citizens may act only by permission;
    which is the stage of the darkest periods of human history, the stage of rule by brute force.
    -Ayn Rand

  18. #58
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    10

    Quote Originally Posted by Red Baron View Post
    It was likely a "cascading" event.

    After the initial turgid aerosol release fogged down a few rows, the resultant nausea and vomiting engulfed the entire cabin in a cacophony of odiferous expulsions.

    It must have been damn grim until they were able to land.

    Why not open a window?

  19. #59
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    All love is unrequited-Cmdr. Susan Ivanova //Y'all got on this boat for different reasons, but y'all come to the same place. So now I'm asking more of you than I have before. Maybe all. Sure as I know anything, I know this - they will try again. Maybe on another world, maybe on this very ground swept clean. A year from now, ten? They'll swing back to the belief that they can make people... better. And I do not hold to that. So no more runnin'. I aim to misbehave. - Capt. Mal remember boys and girls ATFTRAF

  20. #60
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    Quote Originally Posted by IceWave View Post
    Hey, at least they were on a plane. I once gassed out a Honda Civic from the back seat. We must have been quite the sight, rolling down the highway, windows down and sunroof open, in the middle of winter with heavy snow falling.


    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SMOH5kpOmu0
    "The most intriguing point for the historian is that where history and legend meet."

    "None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who think they are free."

    Johann Wolfgang von Goethe


  21. #61
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    I am telling you right now if I had the ability to pass gas and wipe out an airliner I would be going around the world giving seminars. I would be selling my book at every seminar and selling my fart mats for serious meditation. This person not only has talent but is losing out on a great amount of money. Not really tapping into the real potential of this event.
    "They wanted to be left alone to face challenges head-on, and to prosper from their own hard work and ingenuity...harsh country tends to produce strong people."-John Erickson

  22. #62
    Quote Originally Posted by Garryowen View Post
    That is indeed impressive. Knowing what the perp had for dinner could prove highly useful at a radical meeting.
    Whoa, Garry. Imagine he'd shoved a pessary filled with Sarin up his arse and then let loose onboard at elevation. SMH.

    Mo
    So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the Lord your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you.

  23. #63
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    Good thing smoking is not allowed on planes anymore. One lit match and the whole thing would have blown up.

  24. #64
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    Liver and onions with extra onions could get you death threats.

  25. #65
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    Quote Originally Posted by bw View Post
    You on the outs with your family?
    No but one never knows when such things will come in handy.
    “And how we burned in the camps later, thinking: What would things have been like if every Security operative, when he went out at night to make an arrest, had been uncertain whether he would return alive and had to say good-bye to his family? If...if...We didn't love freedom enough. And even more – we had no awareness of the real situation.... We purely and simply deserved everything that happened afterward.”
    ― Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

  26. #66
    The military needs to get the farter and take him to Fort Dietrick. Feed him various foods until he can replicate the same acrid stench. Then feed it to every soldier in the army, bottle the farts and drop them on ISIS. ISIS would be 100% dead and gone in a week or less............

  27. #67
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    Yeah, so I was hiking in the Mount St. Helens area of Washington, back around 1980.

    I'd been eating this Mountain House chili stuff for the last couple of days and I was getting the gut rumbles like you wouldn't believe. Anyways, I'm all by myself in the wilderness and I've got a monster building up. I mean, like barbarians at the gates!

    So I look around, nothing but me and the squirrels. I take two filters off of a couple of cigarettes, stuff them in my nostrils, pump a suqat, relax a little and get ready to release the Kraken. I push, and push and then...

    I kind of blacked out right there. I just have this vague memory of a huge rumbling sound, choking dust and the sensation of falling for hours.

    When I woke up, I was in some ash strewn wasteland out of a Hieronymus Bosch painting. Trees were leveled for miles, and the better half of the mountain was completely blown away.

    The new reported it as a freak eruption, but I was so embarrassed, and feeling really guilty on account of all the damage and the deaths, that I just kept my damn mouth shut.

    Now I pack beano on all my camping trips.

    So far I haven't had any "blowups" like that for a while, but the whole episode did remind me of my Grandfather. He used to live in Tunguska Siberia..
    Official TB2K Comedy Relief ; I resemble that remark! ; Aloha Snackbar; Nuke a Gay Whale For Christ and other Political Incorrectness
    Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.
    I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it. FRA

  28. #68
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    A friend of mine was in the air force, stationed out in the california desert as a mechanic. When someone in the crew would fart everyone would pipe in with the question: "Captain WHO?"
    Official TB2K Comedy Relief ; I resemble that remark! ; Aloha Snackbar; Nuke a Gay Whale For Christ and other Political Incorrectness
    Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.
    I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it. FRA

  29. #69
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    OK one more, a personal favorite from another forum:


    Was early saturday AM, previous night I had been to a kegger and had probably eaten a whole bag of tostitos, tons of velveta/rotella, bucket load of frito's bean dip and pickles.

    At any rate I wake up early and jet to the bank because I need some cash, decide to go inside because of the line at the ATM.

    Well...heh...there are these two kids playing in/with the revolving doors. Their mom sees me coming so she motions them and they get out. Well, I hit the revolving door and the second it seals around me my stomach has a flashback and my asshole being what it is unleashes the fury of three-quarter digested bean dip, chips, fake cheese, beer, and rotten tomatoes upon the world.

    As soon I clear the door these kids instantly dart in. They get it about half revolved when it hits them. I hear a muffled "OMG it BURRRRNSSS", and they both try to go the opposite direction and slam into the glass at the same time. They both get up and recover from their respective impacts and the little brother throws up on the big brothers shoes. Well, this causes the big brother to throw up on the little brother who was bent over. Completely painting him.

    I couldn't tell the teller what I needed for 5 minutes. I was so hungover, everything had that bright soft edged glow, the whole thing was like a cartoon to me.
    Official TB2K Comedy Relief ; I resemble that remark! ; Aloha Snackbar; Nuke a Gay Whale For Christ and other Political Incorrectness
    Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.
    I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it. FRA

  30. #70
    I'll buy the beer and the hot dogs..... And I'd pay to see that !
    Wow-my hero!

    Quote Originally Posted by Red Baron View Post
    Give me three beers and three low quality hot dogs, I can easily belch half of the alphabet in one hearty ear shattering go.

    I guess it is better to let out a decent belch than to hold it in and later have to deal with a room clearing weapon of mass distraction emanating from one's own butt?

  31. #71
    Quote Originally Posted by Meadowlark View Post
    Yeah, so I was hiking in the Mount St. Helens area of Washington, back around 1980.
    That was the most entertaining single post I've read in weeks.

  32. #72
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    Quote Originally Posted by bw View Post
    You on the outs with your family?
    Super Enzymes made by NOW Foods.

    You've been warned
    Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders. - Mary Schmich

    If you find yourself in a fair fight, your tactics suck.

  33. #73
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    Quote Originally Posted by Meadowlark View Post
    OK one more, a personal favorite from another forum:


    Was early saturday AM, previous night I had been to a kegger and had probably eaten a whole bag of tostitos, tons of velveta/rotella, bucket load of frito's bean dip and pickles.

    At any rate I wake up early and jet to the bank because I need some cash, decide to go inside because of the line at the ATM.

    Well...heh...there are these two kids playing in/with the revolving doors. Their mom sees me coming so she motions them and they get out. Well, I hit the revolving door and the second it seals around me my stomach has a flashback and my asshole being what it is unleashes the fury of three-quarter digested bean dip, chips, fake cheese, beer, and rotten tomatoes upon the world.

    As soon I clear the door these kids instantly dart in. They get it about half revolved when it hits them. I hear a muffled "OMG it BURRRRNSSS", and they both try to go the opposite direction and slam into the glass at the same time. They both get up and recover from their respective impacts and the little brother throws up on the big brothers shoes. Well, this causes the big brother to throw up on the little brother who was bent over. Completely painting him.

    I couldn't tell the teller what I needed for 5 minutes. I was so hungover, everything had that bright soft edged glow, the whole thing was like a cartoon to me.
    OMG, what a mental picture that paints!

    "The most intriguing point for the historian is that where history and legend meet."

    "None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who think they are free."

    Johann Wolfgang von Goethe


  34. #74
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    Kind of remnds me of Jeff Foxworthy on the difference in Man and Woman's Noses.
    Heres a video on the skit and its worth watching.
    LINK: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4m9ozW0aFlw

  35. #75
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    Quote Originally Posted by Publius View Post
    Kind of remnds me of Jeff Foxworthy on the difference in Man and Woman's Noses.
    Heres a video on the skit and its worth watching.
    LINK: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4m9ozW0aFlw
    Thanks!
    Qui tacet consentire videtur

  36. #76
    This reminds me of a flight I took from Albany NY to Mpls/StPl many years back. Finished up work in NY about 10am, flight left at 2pm. Stopped for lunch at Burger King and had two orders of onion rings with my whopper. Boarded the plane, it took off and no more that reached altitude and the gas started brewing like someone threw a box of soda into a gallon of vinegar. For the first three or so, I went back to the restroom, but then gave up after that and had no choice but to just plow 'em into the seat. It was one huge voluminous release after the next about every 3 minutes. I stopped counting at something over 30 when we got to the west end of lake Erie. Thankfully, they weren't toxic or this story would be much older.

    Never eat Burger King onion rings before a plane flight. Never.

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