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CHAT Asking the TB2K "Hive Mind"- So now what?
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  1. #41
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Central Iowa
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    31,103
    Quote Originally Posted by Old Gray Mare View Post
    Could this be God giving you a nudge to get you where you need to go? Is there somewhere else that you may be needed more or your spirit may flourish? It sounds like you are way over due for a vacation. Could you wrap everything up, stuff everything into storage and take a road trip for a week or four? Maybe get some distance and perspective? Breathe?
    I highly recommend taking a two day vacation away from your current place, maybe rent a motel room down on the beach and go sit out on the sand and just pray. If you cannot afford that then find a park or arboretum, and go find a rock to sit on and pray. There's a list of questions you need to ask yourself, starting with where do you want to be in ten years - current world politics be damned - and with contemplative prayer where does GOD want you to be in not only now but in ten years. He does answer prayer.

    And your mother burnt that bridge already, if you go someplace like Houston or Tulsa or even Des Moines, where you have more money due to lower rent expenses you will be able to afford to travel back home to visit your mother.
    People are quick to confuse and despise confidence as arrogance but that is common amongst those who have never accomplished anything in their lives and who have always played it safe not willing to risk failure.

  2. #42
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Happy on the mountain
    Posts
    47,390
    #1 - You CAN fire family. And in case you didn't notice, YOU HAVE BEEN FIRED. Forget those people, you don't need them dragging you down.

    #2 - Get the hell OUT of California. You don't need it dragging you down either.

    #3 - As to everything else, go where life is.

    Best wishes on your new adventure!
    The wonder of our time isnít how angry we are at politics and politicians; itís how little weíve done about it. - Fran Porretto
    -http://bastionofliberty.blogspot.com/2016/10/a-wholly-rational-hatred.html

  3. #43
    In 2006, I had 7000 square feet of packed to the cieling stuff and 8 trucks and cars. Packed up large uhaul and a trailer behind my 1 ton ford truck and moved out of California for good. Just getting the hell out of hell was worth it. And the stuff is just stuff, good stuff and well wish I had it still in a way.

    OTOH, it's been over a decade and again I got about 7000 square feet of stuff, only two running trucks now but 6 classics in the upper 40. And in Oklahoma, because all my exes live in Ca..... D:

  4. #44
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    zone 6a
    Posts
    23,017
    Housecarl, first pray about your situation that God lead you where HE wants you-He's always right. Second, you've done well taking care of your mom, it's obvious you're a wonderful, loving son and she seems to be taking advantage of that. I doubt you would ever leave her high and dry, so moving to where you can make more money is something you will likely have to do. You will be happier (it's scary and hard but is worth it), and you can send her money and if you choose, visit her on your terms.

    As for work, Major Drilling pays very well, and is hiring. You have to pass drug testing, and you will be working away from home, receive per diem plus overtime, usually you work either 2 weeks on and have one week off, or 3 weeks on and 10 days off (the preferred hitch of most there). There can be shift work, say 10 days on and 10 nights on. There are several basic jobs, water truck driver/expediter, helper (helps the driller), and driller-it's core drilling, above ground. They have work sites world wide, they have some of the best heath care insurance in existence, and if you are a helper you get half your air flight paid for to and from the job, if you are a driller or manager you get your flights 100% paid for.

    With this job you can live in Hawaii, Figi, Alaska or wherever. The pacific northwest is gorgeous, and not super expensive, you might think about looking here for a place. Mobile home parks are going from $250-$400 depending on location and usually have water, sewer and garbage included. Today's manufactured homes are made much higher quality, I would not hesitate to purchase one from the mid 1990's to present, especially if they are from one of the nicer manufacturers such as Marlette or Silvercrest. Getting one that is 10-20 years old saves you a lot of money, and many can be found already set up on a lot. Moving a private sale mobile costs from $1000 for a single wide, to $5000-$8000 for a double wide (they tear it down, move it and put it back together, re-tape, texture and paint the joints, relay the rugs, and put up skirting. Initial cost is is a bit but it pays off over time.

    You're lucky, you have choices, have fun choosing your future!
    Now the Lord is that Spirit: and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is Liberty. II Cor. 3:17

  5. #45
    Join Date
    Oct 2001
    Location
    the boonies of Alaska
    Posts
    1,346
    Lists are a way to motivate yourself and clear out mental and emotional and physical space. Start with a list:
    1. Get a bunch of empty boxes, fill and take 2 or 3 to the local Goodwill/thrift store every day. Same with odd pieces of furniture, old stuff.
    2. Gather the papers and records you need; doctor stuff, social security and retirement stuff, papers from your marriage, and put them in a portable filing carrier.
    3. Who else checks on your mom? Her actions toward you make me wonder if she is having mental/aging issues? If you leave (and even if you don't) who is going to look in on her? Is there other family to discuss this with? Since you are a responsible person in family matters, settle your mind and emotions on this as far as possible.
    4. Get your car in shape.
    5. Get your self in shape;if you have a local doc, get checked up and teeth, too. Walk more.
    6. Go visit someone. Visit areas of the country you are interested in. Read the want ads, talk to folks.

    This is a very broad list and you would surely want to adapt it to yourself and make it a lot more specific and extended. Crossing stuff off a list can give you momentum and melt the 'glue' of not knowing even where to start. Start anywhere - just start!
    It's later than you think!
    (Fr. Seraphim Rose)

  6. #46
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    Central Illinois..halfway between here and there.
    Posts
    8,672
    Housecarl,
    Here's my two cents, FWIW. God does speak to us if we just listen. In your case buddy, I think He's using a bullhorn! For some reason you feel obligated to take care of a mean spirited woman who happened to give birth to you. It looks like you have felt this obligation for quite some time and have acted upon it. I applaud that. However, for some reason the woman has only grown to see you as an ATM, instead of a loving child that is going without to keep her semi happy. Face the fact that she is never going to be happy. There are just some people that will never be happy no matter how much good comes their way. I believe she is one of them. You have to ask yourself at this juncture am I staying to take care of mom because I really enjoy doing it and love gifting her with my treasure no matter what, OR am I doing it out of a sense of duty. Only you can answer that.

    Second question...if you have no place to live and would spend most of what you would make in rent, how is that helping anyone but a landlord? It sounds like you are saying that whatever you would make from a job in you area, would most likely go towards keeping a roof over your head. That is a no win proposition that is akin to just treading water. At some point, unless you really like treading and find the personal reward from the work what you really desire, you will have to pull up stakes and look for greener pastures. This transition seems to become more difficult the older you get. So your age becomes a factor here, too. Once again, if you have no funds to help your maternal parental unit, is it really helping to stay? Only you can answer that.

    My personal opinion, from what you have related, is that you need to move on. You still have time (and most likely it will take more time than you realize) to go through things, decide what you want or need to keep, sell what you can and donate or toss the rest. Good luck.
    Needs more cowbell.
    "The Constitution only gives people the right to persue happiness. You have to catch it yourself." --Benjamin Franklin
    Proud member of fly-over country

  7. #47
    Why is it ok for our family to be abusive when we would not take it from anyone else? My MIL decided to become abusive and I walked away for two years. She became old and fragile and I was able to forgive her and take care of her again. Sometimes, tough love works both ways.

  8. #48
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Posts
    11,078
    Quote Originally Posted by packyderms_wife View Post
    If what you said in the OP is true, she won't even rent a space she has available to you, even temporarily, then she's already done burnt that bridge so move on with your life!
    Exactly!

    There is no bridge left on your side to burn, she beat you to it.

    In the meantime, you've been given excellent 'boots on the ground' advice and I will keep you and your kitty in my prayers and intentions. V

  9. #49
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Location
    Southeast
    Posts
    975
    I have started over in life twice. Literally with just the clothes on my back and my car the first time. And slightly more furniture the second time.

    Ended up moving two different states both times.

    First off stuff is just stuff and you don't need much of it. Keep a few good pictures and maybe a couple of sentimental whatever and sell the rest. Use the money towards the move. You will actually feel better after all the stuff is purged and you have very little to keep up with it.

    Second is relocating is hard. What I found to be the most difficult is the strangeness of a new place. It's sad when you don't recognize people at the gas station or grocery store, places like that. But if you are where the Father wants you to be that will change quickly.

    As for family obligations you did your best. You can only do what you can do and that road seems to have come to an end. DO NOT let yourself feel guilty for that. It's changing for a reason.

    Maybe you just need to rent a car and take a road trip. Check out a few of these places and try to imagine yourself living there. You will know if it's the right thing to do. And also it's not permanent. If you hate it, then pack up your few belongings and move back.

    Our brains will make us think scary things that are not really there. Most things are undoable. It will just take some work to undo it.

    By the way, my first big move was out of CA 35 years ago. It's not the end of the world and there are some very nice places in the USA. Most places will let you keep a cat if you pay a deposit.

    Guess all of this is to say don't let fear stop you from thinking outside the box. Only you know you and know what you can do to make yourself feel good about your future.

  10. #50
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    L.os A.ngeles B.asin
    Posts
    9,667
    Housecarl, your truth permeates the former retreat of your plans or actions to contend with the now. In dealing with the loss of your wife you may have allowed others too much compassion in regards to their position or intent. Take note of this moment of opportunity to reevaluate 'what is good for Housecarl' and make that move.

    In regards to Texas. The wife and I have contemplated (projected) our position in the Los Angeles Basin burb's and have weighed the two personal reasons besides my good job to stay for now. At 83% of full retirement industry benefits by about this time next year, we are weighing Texas if a move is warranted.

    Being a Vintage pre-60's Californian, I'm pretty much over this Gerry brown misadventure, and have cut ties with those contrarian types that subscribe to the antics of leftist state government as a pastime.

  11. #51
    Quote Originally Posted by Housecarl View Post
    Hey all,

    Well it's just past 4 AM and a humid 76 F here inside with the windows and fans going as I type this (the last two days it went from low 80s F to yesterday 103 F!).

    The cat has settled down now that after she awoke me from a nap (those of you familiar with playing close change "musical shifts" can commiserate been swapping swings and graves) to get a "mouse worth" of wet food and my room mate is still crashed out in his part of the place so I'm making an effort to not make too much of a racket. I don't normally do a "deep dive" into my own mess and share with you all but right now I'm thinking that fresh minds on this would be a good idea.

    So I'm sitting here pondering the task of sorting and packing out my and my late wife's stuff from a place I've been in for over twenty years in the next 25 days with still no solid idea of where I'm going to land either with the roommate (which is the current operating plan) or on my own with the cat.

    My mother closed out the "back to family" option after telling her that with my reduced means I couldn't front her the extra $10K+ I've been for the last seven years without "moving back" and being called by her a "bum" and not wanting me back at a family owned property despite my offering to pay rent.

    Rents down here are downright three pounds of flesh, including up to the East Bay. Recall my comment on another thread regarding the rents I've seen in Oakland just for one bedroom being $850...Anyways so I've been looking, while getting discouraged and dealing with cash flow issues at the same time (the last hit my mother made to me last October cleaned me out and removed my last liquid reserves from a "double dip" having given her a similar "chunk" last April, so her reaction is all the more galling to me particularly with my current gig's compensation vs my last one). Working 60 hours in one pay period flipping shifts at the same time is a bit of a killer, particularly when it digs into time to deal with a countdown timer.

    And before I go any further I'm "out" on a 90 day "no cause" because the landlord has termite/structural issues that should have been addressed years ago that are going to require me out to fix. Considering what I've seen of him, compared to the prior landlord who went to the Central Coast to retire, making some kind of "deal" to come back after the work is done (if he's even going to really do anything for real or not) isn't in my best long term interest between what he'll probably charge after the fact and other practices I've seen from him.

    So I'm looking at what I can afford in terms of either going in with the current roommate (who I've known for nearly 30 years) or on my own with the cat and options just look ugly, with a fallback being a 45 minute commute from the mid-East Bay.

    And with me dealing with the immediate oncoming situation, job hunting to better match my skills with pay has been put on the backburner until I've got my living situation dialed in. I said no to a 6 day a week retail/"suit" gig in downtown SF (Union Square) that came up just as everything else went into the fan due to the commute and rate being only a couple of dollars more than where I'm at now, which the ops guy from the office understood, and would have had me looking for a new vest to wear under my shirt (current one is "expired" and not best tech available being from the early 1990s).

    So I'm looking at dealing with all of this on a thread, aid I can solicit from my surviving friends and the good graces of the Man Upstairs.

    I'm planning on the worst case, i.e. triaging my stuff and storing while playing musical couches if it comes to that. I'm currently eating my way through my pantry (emergencies are what they're for right) and dealing with my fiscal issues as best I can.

    So to all of you out there, what am I missing being this close to the fan and the flying excrement?

    Thanks guys.

    HC
    When money is tight, nothing beats a couple of good roommates who can share the housing expenses.

    That was true when I was in school, and it will be true for many of my peers, as they slip into their chronically underfunded twilight years.

    Already, I know of several - two singles, never married and three widows/widowers in their late-60s, who are shacking-up in different roommate arrangements in order to keep things affordable.

    Cash flow.

    Learn it.

    Love it.

    Live it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Old Gray Mare View Post
    Could this be God giving you a nudge to get you where you need to go? Is there somewhere else that you may be needed more or your spirit may flourish? It sounds like you are way over due for a vacation. Could you wrap everything up, stuff everything into storage and take a road trip for a week or four? Maybe get some distance and perspective? Breathe?
    Don't you just LOVE the hive mind around this place?

    All good points, Old Gray Mare! Great bolded phrase to remind us ALL of the importance of "respecting ourselves," by making sure that we take good care of our inner-selves. If we repeatedly neglect this very important self-administered maintenance task, which is often hidden from our proper notice by internal guilt and/or stoicism, we might never become as accomplished and effective as we should be.

    Wishing you much good luck and wise decision-making, as you transition into the next chapter.


    intothegoodnight
    Last edited by intothatgoodnight; 06-19-2017 at 04:32 PM.
    "Do not go gentle into that good night.
    Rage, rage against the dying of the light."

    ó Dylan Thomas, "Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night"

  12. #52
    Of note.... Oklahoma is one of the last states (if not the last state) to have Abstract land deeds. It's a book that shows the history since your property was first deeded. Granted one doesn't get it untill you pay off the loan, but once you do and update the Abstract it feels better than a one page title, if you ask me.

    Get stuck on Tulsa time,

  13. #53
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Central Iowa
    Posts
    31,103
    Quote Originally Posted by West View Post
    Of note.... Oklahoma is one of the last states (if not the last state) to have Abstract land deeds. It's a book that shows the history since your property was first deeded. Granted one doesn't get it untill you pay off the loan, but once you do and update the Abstract it feels better than a one page title, if you ask me.

    Get stuck on Tulsa time,
    Iowa still has abstract land deeds.
    People are quick to confuse and despise confidence as arrogance but that is common amongst those who have never accomplished anything in their lives and who have always played it safe not willing to risk failure.

  14. #54
    HC,

    I'm sorry you are going through such a stressful time in your life. I wasn't aware that you recently lost your wife, my sincerest condolences on your loss. I'm going to give you advice that is going to go against the grain of all the other replies. I'm basing it on what I know about you from reading your posts over the years here on TB. I don't know your age, what your career is or your finances; if you have a network of friends or not, if you have siblings who are near you or who can help you. I think you live somewhere in the bay area, not even sure about that and until today I wasn't even sure of your gender. All of that would be relevant to helping you form a long term plan, but not really relevant to the advice I'm about to give. I am basing that advice on my idea of who you are and how you think/operate, again after reading your posts for 12 years. This is very specific to you, not generic advice I'd give someone I didn't know (which may be the opposite of what I'm about to tell you).

    It sounds to me like you have two things going on. A longer term problem of figuring out what to do with your life long term and a short term immediate problem of having to move in less than 25 days. I think you need to put the longer term decision on hold and solve the immediate problem. Trying to solve both, when they may have different solutions, is too much stress and is confusing the issue for you. Making a decision for 25 days from now shouldn't be the decision you will be making for the long term. To make long term decision all the other factors come into play: how old are you, how far from retirement, savings/pension, siblings, friends and support group, health issues, etc. Again not relevant for what you need to decide right now.

    So break it down. Say to yourself: I am getting myself a place to live so that I can be at peace to make my longer term decisions. Praise God you have a decent job that can hold you through the next 6 months to a year while you figure it all out. So live somewhere that let's you be close to that job. Get a short term lease somewhere - whatever works out better financially - a one bedroom for you and your cat or a 2 bedroom to share short term with your roommate. Even if the rent is more there than somewhere else in the country (as the Bay area is known to be), deal with it for now. If you stay with the roommate, the fair thing would be to let him know this is a short term arrangement so he also can start thinking long term. When you move out now, start sorting things that you know you won't keep short or long term but acknowledge to yourself that you will go through another sorting process when you are ready to make the longer term decisions. What you can't take and you're not positive you want to throw away/sell/donate, put in short term storage. Get settled in the new place, get settled in the routine of your job, and then, and only then, start thinking about what you want to do long term. DO NOT MAKE A LONG TERM DECISION when you are in a stressful, do-or-die situation. Get out of that situation and then regroup. I think you know that, but maybe you needed a reminder.

    As far as your mother goes, this doesn't sound like an issue you can solve just by moving away. This sounds like a long term pattern that you need to work through so that when you do move, you do it without guilt. They say your relationships with your parents and how they treat you and how you felt treated by them colors all your subsequent relationships. So just moving away doesn't solve the core issue, it may just exacerbate it. Look up narcissistic mothers on line, there are a few sites. That may be a good place to start if she meets the criteria. Having a healthy relationship with her may be impossible but forgiving yourself and allowing yourself to be free of her is definitely do-able and freeing yourself up from her will help you better make a long term decision.

    Good luck. You are an incredibly smart man and I know you will make the right decision. Have faith in yourself and in God to lead you where you eventually need to be.

    HD

  15. #55
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    State of Jefferson - On the Darkside where the cookies are...
    Posts
    4,482
    Hmmmmm,
    if anything goes south for her I'm still the only functioning adult left in the family so a trek east to Texas would literally be burning my side of the bridge.
    And so you're a bum how?

    Seriously, sounds like that bridge has already been burned by your mother. Time to reevaluate your life. You do have a right to try and be happy, not a guarantee, but a right to try.

    Here's my suggestion, for what it's worth.

    Get an RV, or a good travel trailer that is self contained. Then ONLY put in the "things" you absoutely need to get by. Have an estate sale and sell everything else off....>EVERYTHING!! Take the money and move....somewhere, anywhere, someplace you've always dreamed about or wanted to visit.

    Find a local KOA campground and park yourself and your RV/Trailer in the long term area and then look for work or whatever you do. Learn the area and start life over again.

    As far as mom....let her find someone else to leech off of, after all you're a bum remember.
    We have done so much, with so little, for so long....We can now do anything, with nothing, forever.

  16. #56
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    NW MO
    Posts
    217
    Sounds like maybe the universe has found you to be a bit stubborn and has had to start using a heavier stick to get through to you. It feels awful, of course, to have the fabric of our lives rent, and the foundations of all we know crumble beneath us. As so many have told you though, this passage through the 'dark night of the soul' often is what frees - or forces - us to jettison the familiar things that don't really work for us any more. Now's the time to imagine the life you really want, and step out on faith to create it. As other's have mentioned, there are many places- many many places lol- with better cost of living stats, demographics, politics etc. You're employable nation wide, sounds like, so don't limit yourself. As far as the physical items tying you there, I spent much energy and effort and time processing the physical items. Being literally the last in my family made that a tremendous amount of 'stuff,' and a daunting task. I am left with antique pieces that I don't really love, and regrets. If I had it to do over, I'd hire one of those auctioneers or household liquidators to sell it all. I don't even look at pictures, except for those on the walls. The ties to my past, to my family, are in my memories, and those are the things I pull out when I want to remember. Hang in there, the journey is hell, but once you find your way to the other side, odds are you'll feel gratitude at what you find waiting for you.

  17. #57
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Central Iowa
    Posts
    31,103
    HC what is your line of work? Knowing this will help the hive mind with suggestions.
    People are quick to confuse and despise confidence as arrogance but that is common amongst those who have never accomplished anything in their lives and who have always played it safe not willing to risk failure.

  18. #58
    I've done this before, with everything I owned put in a '79 toyota celica and the promise of work in another state (Texas, actually). God has closed a door in the fact mama has disowned on you. But He has opened a window-and wants you to stick your nose out that window and breathe the air of change. Take a weekend, think it over. That's good advice. I did it with a weekend to Tallulah Gorge, and being alone and thinking things out without distractions is a huge help. You sound as if your'e starting on the next chapter of your life; you are. Stuff shouldn't tie you down, nor should family ties. Families can be hurtful beyond imagination-I've had sisters I have not seen or spoken with in 30 years. Their choice, their loss. As with your situation don't let the family paralyze your decisions.

    If you move to another area, have you considered renting a room in someone's house rather than a whole apartment or house? It's a low cost way to move to an area and keeps you flexible if you decide to move to another place. Craigslist is full of rooms/basements to rent. You'll spend less and live in areas you may want to try out. A move with a roommate could be complicated-might consider doing the new move/new life thing on your own.

  19. #59
    Join Date
    Apr 2014
    Location
    eastern West Tennessee
    Posts
    173
    Right now you are tired and overwhelmed. You need a night or two of good sleep and a couple of meals of your comfort foods.

    As someone said to set a time limit on working on your stuff to reduce the being overwhelmed. Get a kitchen timer and set it for and hour to work. Reset it for a short time to do something else. Don't time or rush your meals or sleep.

    When you put your stuff in storage or while you move set off some 'bug bombs' around your belongings. You don't want to take any termites or other problems like that with you. Anything you bag up or put in sealed boxes/containers, put some bay leaves in the container with whatever is there. Be sure to mark the contents on the outside of box directly, with a marker or grease pencil. If you run out of time and have to just throw stuff in boxes, mark those boxes 'RUSHED' and go through them first.

    Another place to consider when you are deciding what to keep and get rid of is consignment shops. You won't make as much from things sold, but it would be a lot less work. Also emotionally, it will be easier in not dealing directly with people buying your past.

    When you consider moving, consider the cost of living as well as income potential. If you were to move here to Tennessee, you might only make half of what you make in SF but cost of living is a third or fourth of what it is there. Another benefit of lower income is a lower tax bracket.
    Last edited by Freebirde; 06-19-2017 at 06:38 PM.
    The difference between being smart and being wise:
    Being smart is learning from your own mistakes.
    Being wise is learning from the mistakes of others.
    My life has given others many opportunities to be wise.

  20. #60
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    A Socialist State
    Posts
    9,382
    HC, when my husband died our farmhouse was packed to the gills with "stuff." As a new widow who was suddenly left with 4 dogs and 12 cats (all indoor) on 5 acres whose well had run dry and had to haul water, not to mention losing $45K in income, aside from letting the farm go, I hired a good, reputable auction company , (that advertised everywhere, not to mention I had friends Facebook about the auction as well, AND I put up posters locally). Not the one who necessarily took the last in commission, but one who was honest as well.

    He warned me that auctions since 2008 were not bringing in the top dollar they usually did, and not to expect much. The auction brought forth $14K and change. After the auctioneer's 30%, I walked away with $10K.

    I suggest you get rid of everything that isn't necessary to your survival. As I watched my husband take his last breath in his den, surrounded by all his 'collections' I noticed he didn't take one thing with him.
    Don't just go to church. BE THE CHURCH!

  21. #61
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Location
    SC
    Posts
    2,275
    Don't forget the Historical Society and church. I dropped several boxes of books and old photos of places in town.

    My kids and friends took alot of my preps. I packed 1 large box of emerg heat/light/water filter/batteries/first aid. Donated clothes that didn't fit. I kept very basic kitchen gear. Called long lost cousins and they took some furniture and stuff.

    I wanted to keep my ballet toe shoes and Girl Scout sash...... Oh well - I took a picture.

    5 years later I'm not missing anything. Don't be afraid to leave it behind. I'll be praying.

  22. #62
    Quote Originally Posted by West View Post
    Of note.... Oklahoma is one of the last states (if not the last state) to have Abstract land deeds. It's a book that shows the history since your property was first deeded. Granted one doesn't get it untill you pay off the loan, but once you do and update the Abstract it feels better than a one page title, if you ask me.

    Get stuck on Tulsa time,
    We've got ours here in NY state.

    Summerthyme

  23. #63
    Join Date
    May 2001
    Location
    British Columbia, Canada
    Posts
    12,489
    On a lighter note - you mentioned couch surfing.......it seems that there are so many people in TEXAS on this board that might offer your a bed or couch until you found a place to land.

    It is hard to be adventurous if this hasn't been your mindset for a long time, but there may not be many years for you to try new things and places and maybe make a special friend.
    True North Strong and Free

  24. #64
    Quote Originally Posted by Housecarl View Post
    Yeah I hear you. Heck roommate's retirement plan is along those lines.

    I'm pretty much looking at the house stuff in a similar fashion. The thread on heirlooms was an interesting tie in to what I'm doing right now.

    Despite my mother's actions, if anything goes south for her I'm still the only functioning adult left in the family so a trek east to Texas would literally be burning my side of the bridge.
    HC, I'm not clear on your dealings with your mother, but it sort of sounds as though she has stiffed you mightily in more ways than one, and IMHO you don't need to worry about burning any bridges with her. She already dynamited them.

    My little segment of hive mind says get the heck out of CA asap and Dennis Knows Best.
    Asato Ma Sad Gama - leave illusion, come to the truth
    Tamasi Ma Jyotir Gama - leave the darkness, come to the light

    You may not be interested in Islam
    But Islam is VERY interested in you

  25. #65
    Join Date
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    House Carl... first, thank-you for allowing us here at TB2K in to your life to give a bit of feedback.

    Over and over again, people here have said to move on with your life and tell your mom, in so many words, goodbye.
    I agree. It's time she grew up. You need that money to survive and prepare yourself for your retirement someday. You shouldn't just be barely surviving, but thriving when in a healthy situation. Her ungratefulness is shocking. Dust off your sandals and move on. No one who knows the facts would fault you one bit for doing this. Don't feel guilty.

    2nd, I think you're leaning towards your own answer. Eventually. If you can get by in your job for now, to buy yourself some time, then do it.
    But where to live temporarily is the problem. What about some co-workers, anyone you could rent a room from, for awhile? Then you could take your time doing some job hunting. The rest of the world outside of California doesn't cost this much to survive. We probably are thriving on less than 1/4 of what you are making and live really well.
    California is a trap.

    We live in one of the east coast states, temps are in the low-mid-60's right now. It's survivable if the power goes out. We don't even have the A/C running.
    It's the land of the free, guns are allowed. Many people have some. Not extreme in ref to political correctness and weird azz'd west coast ways of thinking.
    I've moved many times in my life. It's an adventure and I always tried to look at it that way. Have fun with this.

    MM

  26. #66
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    Mar 2006
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    10,759
    Family ties can be an anchor - or a noose. Friends can be closer, in many respects - and you get to choose them! Don't let your mom guilt you any more than she already has. You've done what you can for her, take comfort in that.
    The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

    Worrying does not take away tomorrow's troubles, it takes away today's peace .

  27. #67
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
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    And while you're looking around the nation for a new place to thrive, remember to do your homework. http://www.city-data.com/ is your friend, and pay special attention to the DEMOGRAPHICS in the area. They have a forum too...
    The wonder of our time isnít how angry we are at politics and politicians; itís how little weíve done about it. - Fran Porretto
    -http://bastionofliberty.blogspot.com/2016/10/a-wholly-rational-hatred.html

  28. #68
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    Jan 2009
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    Quote Originally Posted by Housecarl View Post
    So I'm sitting here pondering the task of sorting and packing out my and my late wife's stuff from a place I've been in for over twenty years in the next 25 days with still no solid idea of where I'm going to land either with the roommate (which is the current operating plan) or on my own with the cat.
    HC I had to do this upon the death of a close relative. It sucked. So many memories. So many tears. I had another relative and thank God their very efficient wife to help. We were the only heirs and the relative had been getting rid of "stuff" for years. That helped.

    What got us thru it all in a weekend was his wife, who was not as emotionally vested. Boxes were staged. Each item was trotted out. It was quickly decided who wanted it without fighting, maybe the occasional "No! You should have it!". If neither of us wanted the item it then it went into a donate box or trash box. We worked methodical room by room. She kept us focused, did not let us dwell to much and we got thru it. I think I was numb by the end of it, but relieved. I readily admit I took to much and now have to weed thru it all again. I found out the hard way stuff can't bring back a loved one or keep them any closer no mater how much sentimentally is attached.

    Good luck and best wishes HC.
    Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it. - Mark Twain

  29. #69
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
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    Quote Originally Posted by packyderms_wife View Post
    HC what is your line of work? Knowing this will help the hive mind with suggestions.
    Just like my handle...corporate physical security, last gig included HAZMAT/HAZWOPER for a significant part of the job.

    Current one is a bit of a yo-yo regarding roles from night watchman to VIP work with everything in between.

  30. #70
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    Aug 2004
    Location
    SC
    Posts
    2,275
    A neighbor got a FOAF "organizer" to help and they did 1400sf in a day and a half.

    Do you have a church family? Neighbor? Co-worker? You could trust that has organizational skills.

  31. #71
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    May 2001
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    Central Iowa
    Posts
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giblin View Post
    A neighbor got a FOAF "organizer" to help and they did 1400sf in a day and a half.
    I'm good with other people's stuff, but that's amazing!

  32. #72
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
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    LaLa Land
    Posts
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    In your line of work, you need to be near rich people who will hire you.


    Nashville is always looking for security for celebrities and what not.
    DC for the obvious reasons, but too expensive... so stick to smaller cities where wealth tends to go to.


    I hear ya about the vest. The more you sweat the faster it becomes ineffective and ages it.


    MM
    Gold is the Money of Kings
    Silver is the Money of Gentlemen
    Barter is the money of Peasants
    But Debt is the money of Slaves

  33. #73
    As I said before (one of two of us that I can see, maybe a couple more in the mix somewhere) I would not quit your job and leave the area quite yet; rather I would suggest getting rid of all extra stuff; putting most of the rest (a moving van full) into storage and then either finding a room in a group house or renting a tiny shoe box on a six-month to one-year lease while you sort things out (with or without roommate).

    The real issue on renting is the costs can be insane in the area (friends with good jobs tend to group up even if it's just two couples in a 2 bedroom apartment) and the cat issue (most urban rentals in the area no longer allow pets, though many group houses will allow them).

    Of course, if you suddenly get a good job offer and/or a good opportunity elsewhere "out-of-the-blue" you can consider that and choose to move away right now, but honestly with the work situation being what it is in the US; I'd suggested keeping your job at least for a few more months if you can and then PLAN your next move.

    Texas has advantages, some people love it (I hate it, mostly for weather reasons) but it and just about any other State have good and bad areas to live in (both job wise and cultural wise) - truth in advertising my in-laws live in Dallas and moved there from California and they love it.

    So it is a very individual thing; if you can't wait to move, try to get some support system wherever you are going - even if it is just a note here on the forum saying "moving to XYZ, anyone live nearby and want to tell me about it?"
    expatriate Californian living in rural Ireland with husband, dogs, horses. garden and many, many cats

  34. #74
    Join Date
    May 2001
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    8,137
    Come up to New England. Lots of money, lots of cities large and small, and there are still a few places that are free; two states at least that are relatively conservative, and two more that have sizeable red areas. If your move doesn't happen until a couple of months from now, I might even have a place available for you. PM me for details.
    E Deploribus Unum

    Oderint dum metuant

    Every day is a JDAM day

  35. #75
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
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    81,944
    Quote Originally Posted by Melodi View Post
    As I said before (one of two of us that I can see, maybe a couple more in the mix somewhere) I would not quit your job and leave the area quite yet; rather I would suggest getting rid of all extra stuff; putting most of the rest (a moving van full) into storage and then either finding a room in a group house or renting a tiny shoe box on a six-month to one-year lease while you sort things out (with or without roommate).

    The real issue on renting is the costs can be insane in the area (friends with good jobs tend to group up even if it's just two couples in a 2 bedroom apartment) and the cat issue (most urban rentals in the area no longer allow pets, though many group houses will allow them).

    Of course, if you suddenly get a good job offer and/or a good opportunity elsewhere "out-of-the-blue" you can consider that and choose to move away right now, but honestly with the work situation being what it is in the US; I'd suggested keeping your job at least for a few more months if you can and then PLAN your next move.

    Texas has advantages, some people love it (I hate it, mostly for weather reasons) but it and just about any other State have good and bad areas to live in (both job wise and cultural wise) - truth in advertising my in-laws live in Dallas and moved there from California and they love it.

    So it is a very individual thing; if you can't wait to move, try to get some support system wherever you are going - even if it is just a note here on the forum saying "moving to XYZ, anyone live nearby and want to tell me about it?"
    Melodi,

    That pretty much is my current plan for myself and the cat now. My "fallback" now isn't.... Interesting times to say the least.

    HC

  36. #76
    Join Date
    May 2001
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    Behind Enemy Lines
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Mountain View Post
    Come up to New England. Lots of money, lots of cities large and small, and there are still a few places that are free; two states at least that are relatively conservative, and two more that have sizeable red areas. If your move doesn't happen until a couple of months from now, I might even have a place available for you. PM me for details.
    I'd never seriously consider living ANYWHERE on the eastern seaboard of the US. If one is a gun owner,that will get you 10 years in prison right quick.

  37. #77
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    May 2001
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dennis Olson View Post
    I'd never seriously consider living ANYWHERE on the eastern seaboard of the US. If one is a gun owner,that will get you 10 years in prison right quick.
    NH just passed constitutional carry, and you can buy anything up here that you can in TX. Maine and Vermont are pretty gun-friendly as well, though VT has that nasty communist streak running through it.
    E Deploribus Unum

    Oderint dum metuant

    Every day is a JDAM day

  38. #78
    Join Date
    May 2001
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    The entire east coast is a total sh*thole IMO. There is nothing that would get me to live there. It's as much of a cesspool as Kalifornicate.

  39. #79
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
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    Happy on the mountain
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    Just as all real estate is local, all areas are local too.

    You have to take into consideration some of the state and regional concerns, but there are lots of locales that are just fine to live and work in - even in the east.

    No one dismisses Texas as if it were a single entity....

    Just stay out of the Appalachians between the Blue Ridge and the Smokies in N GA, NW NC, NE TN and SW VA. You wouldn't like it here, it's terrible and it's full of terrible people.
    The wonder of our time isnít how angry we are at politics and politicians; itís how little weíve done about it. - Fran Porretto
    -http://bastionofliberty.blogspot.com/2016/10/a-wholly-rational-hatred.html

  40. #80
    Join Date
    May 2001
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dennis Olson View Post
    The entire east coast is a total sh*thole IMO. There is nothing that would get me to live there. It's as much of a cesspool as Kalifornicate.
    Oh, no. Kali is far worse. True, Mass and CT aren't far behind, ditto RI, but they're not as bad as Kali. MA has significantly lower taxes than CA, and businesses are actually doing pretty well, instead of being regulated out of existence. ME and NH have recently swung significantly more conservative, despite the infiltration of NH's southernmost reaches by massholes who have fouled their nest; overall I was pleasantly surprised. There are a LOT of Trump campaign yard signs and flags still up, lots of Trump bumper stickers, and a surprising number of Don't Tread On Me, Threeper, and other patriot stickers on the backs of cars up here.
    E Deploribus Unum

    Oderint dum metuant

    Every day is a JDAM day

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