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  1. #161
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    A worm hole, far, far away
    Posts
    17,914
    Mujibar was trying to get a job in India .

    The Personnel Manager said, 'Mujibar,
    You have passed all the tests, except one.
    It is a simple test of your English language skills.
    Unless you pass it , you cannot qualify for this job.'

    Mujibar said, 'I am ready.'

    The manager said,
    'You must make a sentence using the words
    Yellow, Pink, and Green .'

    Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said,
    'Mister manager, I am ready.'

    The manager said, 'Go ahead.'

    Mujibar said,
    'The telephone goes green, green,
    And I pink it up, and say,
    Yellow, this is Mujibar.'

    Mujibar now works at a call center.

    No doubt you have spoken to him.

    I know I have.
    In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people. Source The Declaration of Independence

  2. #162
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    OK
    Posts
    20,923
    Kid was born without eyelids.

    They immediately did a circumcision and used that bit of tissue to make eyelids.

    The procedure was fairly successful, he was only a little cock-eyed.
    Proud Infidel...............and Cracker

    Member: Nowski Brigade

    Deplorable


  3. #163
    Join Date
    May 2001
    Location
    South Louisiana near New Orleans by the Mississippi River
    Posts
    10,146
    Now, THIS is FAKE NEWS!!!

    http://www.presidentmommy.com/news/r...os-titanic/34/
    Attached Images

  4. #164
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Central Iowa
    Posts
    34,205
    Firefox has encountered a problem with Windows.

    People are quick to confuse and despise confidence as arrogance but that is common amongst those who have never accomplished anything in their lives and who have always played it safe not willing to risk failure.

  5. #165
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Central Iowa
    Posts
    34,205
    And this one was too cute to not share.

    People are quick to confuse and despise confidence as arrogance but that is common amongst those who have never accomplished anything in their lives and who have always played it safe not willing to risk failure.

  6. #166
    Join Date
    May 2001
    Location
    S.W. Mich. near South Bend, IN
    Posts
    4,901
    Keep 'em coming, guys....I love to laugh!

  7. #167
    Join Date
    May 2001
    Location
    Buffalo, NY
    Posts
    5,062
    Thought these were good, apologies to some who might take offense.

    Michael

    Mixed Emotions...

    1st - That's what you feel when your meddling Mother-In-Law drives off a cliff in your new Corvette...

    2nd - A Husband and Wife were sitting watching a TV program about Psychology which was explaining the phenomenon of "Mixed Emotions".

    The Husband turned to his Wife and said:

    "That is an absolute bunch of crap"

    "I bet you can't tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time".

    The Wife said:

    "Out of all of your friends, you have the largest Manhood".

  8. #168
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Central Iowa
    Posts
    34,205
    Quote Originally Posted by michaelteever View Post
    Thought these were good, apologies to some who might take offense.

    Michael

    Mixed Emotions...

    1st - That's what you feel when your meddling Mother-In-Law drives off a cliff in your new Corvette...

    2nd - A Husband and Wife were sitting watching a TV program about Psychology which was explaining the phenomenon of "Mixed Emotions".

    The Husband turned to his Wife and said:

    "That is an absolute bunch of crap"

    "I bet you can't tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time".

    The Wife said:

    "Out of all of your friends, you have the largest Manhood".
    dang those were good!
    People are quick to confuse and despise confidence as arrogance but that is common amongst those who have never accomplished anything in their lives and who have always played it safe not willing to risk failure.

  9. #169
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    Central Iowa
    Posts
    34,205
    People are quick to confuse and despise confidence as arrogance but that is common amongst those who have never accomplished anything in their lives and who have always played it safe not willing to risk failure.

  10. #170
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    Central Iowa
    Posts
    34,205
    People are quick to confuse and despise confidence as arrogance but that is common amongst those who have never accomplished anything in their lives and who have always played it safe not willing to risk failure.

  11. #171
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Central Iowa
    Posts
    34,205


    People are quick to confuse and despise confidence as arrogance but that is common amongst those who have never accomplished anything in their lives and who have always played it safe not willing to risk failure.

  12. #172
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    Central Iowa
    Posts
    34,205
    Graphic design/ad fail

    People are quick to confuse and despise confidence as arrogance but that is common amongst those who have never accomplished anything in their lives and who have always played it safe not willing to risk failure.

  13. #173
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    Central Iowa
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    People are quick to confuse and despise confidence as arrogance but that is common amongst those who have never accomplished anything in their lives and who have always played it safe not willing to risk failure.

  14. #174
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    Central Iowa
    Posts
    34,205
    People are quick to confuse and despise confidence as arrogance but that is common amongst those who have never accomplished anything in their lives and who have always played it safe not willing to risk failure.

  15. #175
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    Central Iowa
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    34,205
    People are quick to confuse and despise confidence as arrogance but that is common amongst those who have never accomplished anything in their lives and who have always played it safe not willing to risk failure.

  16. #176
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    Central Iowa
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    34,205
    People are quick to confuse and despise confidence as arrogance but that is common amongst those who have never accomplished anything in their lives and who have always played it safe not willing to risk failure.

  17. #177
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    Central Iowa
    Posts
    34,205
    People are quick to confuse and despise confidence as arrogance but that is common amongst those who have never accomplished anything in their lives and who have always played it safe not willing to risk failure.

  18. #178
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    Central Iowa
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    34,205


    And I've heard that it truly does suck, their coffee that is. I already knew their political leanings sucked.
    People are quick to confuse and despise confidence as arrogance but that is common amongst those who have never accomplished anything in their lives and who have always played it safe not willing to risk failure.

  19. #179
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    Central Iowa
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    People are quick to confuse and despise confidence as arrogance but that is common amongst those who have never accomplished anything in their lives and who have always played it safe not willing to risk failure.

  20. #180
    Join Date
    Jun 2001
    Location
    Over there
    Posts
    5,320
    Stuffed Parrot, tries to make it with frozen Chicken



    A man finally gets his prescription for Viagra. Anxious to try it out, he takes one as soon as he gets home, and waits for his wife to come home from work but, in his excitement he forgets and leaves the package open on the table and his parrot eats all of them.

    Seeing the results and panicking the man grabs the bird and stuffs him into the freezer to cool off. Just as his wife comes home, the Viagra kicks in and it's hours later before he remembers the parrot. He runs and looks in the freezer expecting the worst, only to find the bird breathing heavily, drained with sweat and totally exhausted. "What happened?" the man asks, "You were in there for hours and yet you're not only alive but you're sweating like crazy?" The parrot pants: "Man, have you ever tried to pry apart the legs of a frozen chicken?
    Proud to be Deplorable, Irredeemable, a Scumbag and a bigot! Nothing wrong in being any of them.

  21. #181
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    State of Jefferson - On the Darkside where the cookies are...
    Posts
    4,952
    Some of these are SOOOOO WRONG.





    and you owe me a new keyboard! Hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee!
    We have done so much, with so little, for so long....We can now do anything, with nothing, forever.

  22. #182
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    America, The Beautiful
    Posts
    20,601
    Qui tacet consentire videtur

  23. #183
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
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    America, The Beautiful
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    20,601
    Qui tacet consentire videtur

  24. #184
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    Central Iowa
    Posts
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    People are quick to confuse and despise confidence as arrogance but that is common amongst those who have never accomplished anything in their lives and who have always played it safe not willing to risk failure.

  25. #185
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    Central Iowa
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    People are quick to confuse and despise confidence as arrogance but that is common amongst those who have never accomplished anything in their lives and who have always played it safe not willing to risk failure.

  26. #186
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    Concord, NC
    Posts
    2,630
    I went to the doctor once for a check up and he looked at me knowing I was single and asked, "Are you sexually active?"

    I stared back at him and said, "Do you mean with someone else?"

  27. #187
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Central Iowa
    Posts
    34,205
    People are quick to confuse and despise confidence as arrogance but that is common amongst those who have never accomplished anything in their lives and who have always played it safe not willing to risk failure.

  28. #188
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
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    America, The Beautiful
    Posts
    20,601
    Qui tacet consentire videtur

  29. #189
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    Apr 2009
    Location
    Central Iowa
    Posts
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    Quote Originally Posted by thompson View Post
    Jr. did this to me one night, because I was eating my burger to slow.
    People are quick to confuse and despise confidence as arrogance but that is common amongst those who have never accomplished anything in their lives and who have always played it safe not willing to risk failure.

  30. #190
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    Central Iowa
    Posts
    34,205
    People are quick to confuse and despise confidence as arrogance but that is common amongst those who have never accomplished anything in their lives and who have always played it safe not willing to risk failure.

  31. #191
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    Central Iowa
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    People are quick to confuse and despise confidence as arrogance but that is common amongst those who have never accomplished anything in their lives and who have always played it safe not willing to risk failure.

  32. #192
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    Central Iowa
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    People are quick to confuse and despise confidence as arrogance but that is common amongst those who have never accomplished anything in their lives and who have always played it safe not willing to risk failure.

  33. #193
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    America, The Beautiful
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    14 Love it!

    https://twitter.com/TheCatchFence/st...723392/photo/1

    The Catch Fence ‏ @TheCatchFence

    Rush's sign on HWY 378 in West Columbia, SC. They say what they mean and mean what they say.

    11:30 AM - 11 May 2017 from West Columbia, SC

    Qui tacet consentire videtur

  34. I met a girl today who told me she sold Mary Kay, I said I know a pimp that does the same thing!!!
    Http://www.michaelpicard.com

    If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts.
    - Albert Einstein

  35. #195
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    Aug 2007
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    20,601
    Qui tacet consentire videtur

  36. #196
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    Apr 2009
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    Quote Originally Posted by thompson View Post
    oh goodness that light switch is hysterical!
    People are quick to confuse and despise confidence as arrogance but that is common amongst those who have never accomplished anything in their lives and who have always played it safe not willing to risk failure.

  37. #197
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
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    America, The Beautiful
    Posts
    20,601




    Qui tacet consentire videtur

  38. #198
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Location
    Fergustan, Fergwanda, Fergdad, you get the idea...
    Posts
    1,900



  39. #199
    Wisdom to think about.......





    1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

    2. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.


    3. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.


    4. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.


    5. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.


    6. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.


    7. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.



    8. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.


    9. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end-to-end, someone from California would be stupid enough to try to pass them.


    10. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.


    11. The things that come to those who wait, may be the things left by those who got there first.


    12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.


    13. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.


    14 . God gave you toes as a device for finding furniture in the dark.


    15. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of twelve people, who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty

  40. #200
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    Central Iowa
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    People are quick to confuse and despise confidence as arrogance but that is common amongst those who have never accomplished anything in their lives and who have always played it safe not willing to risk failure.

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