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  1. #121
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bardou View Post
    A man is on his deathbed and knows the end is near. His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons, are with him.

    He asks for 2 witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes, and when all is ready he begins to speak:

    “My son, Bob, I want you to take the Mayfair houses.

    “My daughter Susan, you take the apartments over in the east end.”

    “My son, Jamie, I want you to take the offices over in the City Centre.

    “Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the banks of the river.”

    The nurse and witnesses are blown away as they did not realize his extensive holdings, and as the man slips away, the nurse says, “your husband must have been such a hard-working man to have accumulated all this property”.

    The wife replies, “The idiot had a paper route.”

    -Mr. Saddleburr
    People are quick to confuse and despise confidence as arrogance but that is common amongst those who have never accomplished anything in their lives and who have always played it safe not willing to risk failure.

  2. #122
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    For you men ...

    Attached Images
    God Bless Us & God Bless America!

  3. #123
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    A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him.

    She says hello. He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from. So he says, “Do you know me?”

    To which she replies, “I think you’re the father of one of my kids.”

    Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and he says, “My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?”

    She looks into his eyes, then says calmly, “No, I’m your son’s teacher.”
    People are quick to confuse and despise confidence as arrogance but that is common amongst those who have never accomplished anything in their lives and who have always played it safe not willing to risk failure.

  4. #124
    https://soundcloud.com/user-309670005
    Audio Bhagavad Gita downloadable

    This knowledge is the king of education, the most secret of all secrets. It is the purest knowledge, and because it gives direct perception of the self by realization, it is the perfection of religion. It is everlasting, and it is joyfully performed.

  5. #125
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    Thanks Be Well. I certainly needed that today.

  6. #126
    DH is watching now! I laughed until I cried! (Lots of experience with teeth pulled I guess...)
    https://soundcloud.com/user-309670005
    Audio Bhagavad Gita downloadable

    This knowledge is the king of education, the most secret of all secrets. It is the purest knowledge, and because it gives direct perception of the self by realization, it is the perfection of religion. It is everlasting, and it is joyfully performed.

  7. #127
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    One Sunday morning George burst into the living room and said, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away and her name is Susan."

    After dinner, George's dad took him aside, "Son, I have to talk with you. Look at your mother, George. She and I have been married 30 years, she's a wonderful wife and mother, but she has never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I used to fool around with women a lot. Susan is actually your half sister, and I'm afraid you can't marry her."

    George was brokenhearted.

    After few months he eventually started dating girls again. A year later he came home and very proudly announced, "Diane said yes! We're getting married in June."

    Again his father insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news. "Diane is your half sister too, George. I'm awfully sorry about this."

    George was livid! He finally decided to go to his mother with the news his father had shared.

    "Mom, did you know dad was such a cheater? He has done so much harm. I guess I'm never going to get married," he complained. "Every time I fall in love, Dad tells me the girl is my half sister."

    "Eh," his mother sighted, shaking her head, "Don't pay any attention to what he says. He's not really your father."
    God Bless Us & God Bless America!

  8. #128
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    People are quick to confuse and despise confidence as arrogance but that is common amongst those who have never accomplished anything in their lives and who have always played it safe not willing to risk failure.

  9. #129
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    People are quick to confuse and despise confidence as arrogance but that is common amongst those who have never accomplished anything in their lives and who have always played it safe not willing to risk failure.

  10. #130
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    People are quick to confuse and despise confidence as arrogance but that is common amongst those who have never accomplished anything in their lives and who have always played it safe not willing to risk failure.

  11. #131
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    People are quick to confuse and despise confidence as arrogance but that is common amongst those who have never accomplished anything in their lives and who have always played it safe not willing to risk failure.

  12. #132
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    People are quick to confuse and despise confidence as arrogance but that is common amongst those who have never accomplished anything in their lives and who have always played it safe not willing to risk failure.

  13. #133
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    People are quick to confuse and despise confidence as arrogance but that is common amongst those who have never accomplished anything in their lives and who have always played it safe not willing to risk failure.

  14. #134
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    People are quick to confuse and despise confidence as arrogance but that is common amongst those who have never accomplished anything in their lives and who have always played it safe not willing to risk failure.

  15. #135
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    People are quick to confuse and despise confidence as arrogance but that is common amongst those who have never accomplished anything in their lives and who have always played it safe not willing to risk failure.

  16. #136
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    You can find more hidden faces here http://www.sadanduseless.com/2017/04...YJrHCyVpUjE.01
    People are quick to confuse and despise confidence as arrogance but that is common amongst those who have never accomplished anything in their lives and who have always played it safe not willing to risk failure.

  17. #137
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    Qui tacet consentire videtur

  18. #138
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    People are quick to confuse and despise confidence as arrogance but that is common amongst those who have never accomplished anything in their lives and who have always played it safe not willing to risk failure.

  19. #139
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    Old Couples Having Fun

  20. #140
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    More Old Couples Having Fun

  21. #141
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    Still MORE Old Couples Having Fun!!! (My favorite is Popeye & Olive)
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  22. #142
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    Grandpa The Gambler

    The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office. The auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.
    The auditor said, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."

    "I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Grandpa. "How about a demonstration?"

    The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."

    Grandpa says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye."

    The auditor thinks a moment and says, "It's a bet."

    Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.

    Grandpa says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye."

    Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet. Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

    The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

    "Want to go double or nothing?" Grandpa asks. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between."

    The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

    Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he ends up urinating all over the auditor's desk.

    The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

    "Are you okay?" the auditor asks.

    "Not really," says the attorney. "This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!"
    People are quick to confuse and despise confidence as arrogance but that is common amongst those who have never accomplished anything in their lives and who have always played it safe not willing to risk failure.

  23. #143
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    Good point received in an email:
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  24. #144
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    Cinnamon Roll Cat

    Qui tacet consentire videtur

  25. #145
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    People are quick to confuse and despise confidence as arrogance but that is common amongst those who have never accomplished anything in their lives and who have always played it safe not willing to risk failure.

  26. #146
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    Quote Originally Posted by thompson View Post
    those are some really pretty markings!
    People are quick to confuse and despise confidence as arrogance but that is common amongst those who have never accomplished anything in their lives and who have always played it safe not willing to risk failure.

  27. #147
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    People are quick to confuse and despise confidence as arrogance but that is common amongst those who have never accomplished anything in their lives and who have always played it safe not willing to risk failure.

  28. #148
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    People are quick to confuse and despise confidence as arrogance but that is common amongst those who have never accomplished anything in their lives and who have always played it safe not willing to risk failure.

  29. #149
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    People are quick to confuse and despise confidence as arrogance but that is common amongst those who have never accomplished anything in their lives and who have always played it safe not willing to risk failure.

  30. #150
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    People are quick to confuse and despise confidence as arrogance but that is common amongst those who have never accomplished anything in their lives and who have always played it safe not willing to risk failure.

  31. #151
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    People are quick to confuse and despise confidence as arrogance but that is common amongst those who have never accomplished anything in their lives and who have always played it safe not willing to risk failure.

  32. #152
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    People are quick to confuse and despise confidence as arrogance but that is common amongst those who have never accomplished anything in their lives and who have always played it safe not willing to risk failure.

  33. #153
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    People are quick to confuse and despise confidence as arrogance but that is common amongst those who have never accomplished anything in their lives and who have always played it safe not willing to risk failure.

  34. #154
    This is a true story:

    A representative of the Federal Communications Commission was invited to
    talk to a very large ham radio club just outside of Detroit.

    That evening the school lunchroom was packed with standing room only.

    During a very long speech the FCC representative told how smart the FCC was.
    He said their equipment was very sophisticated. Anyone who broke any of the
    laws was sure to get caught quickly. He said they have vehicles with state of
    the art monitoring devices. Any ham driving down the street would not
    know they were being monitored by their monitoring vehicles because there is
    no antenna on the outside.

    At that moment I raised my hand. I said "So, you drove here in the only
    vehicle in the parking lot that does not have a ham antenna?"

    His eyes got wide. Since that was about the end of the speech, everyone
    went outside and looked at a van that had no antenna. It was in a sea of
    vehicles that had all types of mobile ham antennas. The crowd circling
    the van looked close and noted the monitoring equipment inside.

    Thanks to his comments we now knew what the FCC monitoring van looked like.

  35. #155







    Proud member Alt-Right group "Scientists For Trump". (Smart Americans know he's right.)
    A man should only take a wife whose Bible includes Genesis, Leviticus, Deuteronomy, Colossians, Malachi, Isaiah, Ephesians, Corinthians, Hebrews, Timothy, Titus, Proverbs, Mark, Peter & Revelation. Ecclesiastes 7:28 (NIV) tells him the odds.

  36. #156

    More...











    Proud member Alt-Right group "Scientists For Trump". (Smart Americans know he's right.)
    A man should only take a wife whose Bible includes Genesis, Leviticus, Deuteronomy, Colossians, Malachi, Isaiah, Ephesians, Corinthians, Hebrews, Timothy, Titus, Proverbs, Mark, Peter & Revelation. Ecclesiastes 7:28 (NIV) tells him the odds.

  37. #157
    Love the draw the spider on the roll of toilet paper idea.

  38. #158
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    Thanks!!!

  39. #159
    Quote Originally Posted by packyderms_wife View Post
    What kind of car does Yoda drive?










    A Toyoda.

  40. #160
    Behind every man...


    Barbara Walters, of 20/20, did a story in Kabul, Afghanistan, several years before the Afghan conflict. She noted women walked five paces behind their husbands.

    She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walk behind their husbands. Despite the overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime, the women now seem happy to maintain the old custom.

    Ms. Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked, "Why do you now seem happy with an old custom that you once tried so desperately to change?"

    'The woman looked Ms Walters straight in the eyes and without hesitation said, "Land mines".

    Moral is (no matter what language you speak or where you go):
    BEHIND EVERY MAN, THERE'S A SMART WOMAN.
    Hold fast to your dreams.
    For without dreams
    life is a broken-winged bird
    that cannot fly.

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