Hate to ask but I lost my Dad today

[Red Baron]

God Bless you during this difficult time Vicki.

Our thoughts and prayers go with you.

Remember the good times you had and let the other memories go away.

[Topusaret]

Vicki, please accept my sincere and humble condoldences on the passing of your father. I was moved to bring you this from the Divine Liturgy of St. John Crystosom. The part below is inserted into the Liturgy when it is held as part of what you would call a funeral:

O God of spirits, and of all flesh, Who hast trampled down death by death, and overthrown the Devil, and hast bestowed life upon Thy world: do Thou Thyself, O Lord, grant rest to the soul(s) of Thy departed servant(s), (name-s of the deceased), in a place of brightness, a place of verdure, a place of repose, whence all sickness, sorrow and sighing have fled away. As the gracious God, Who lovest mankind, pardon every transgression which he (or she or they) has (or have) committed, whether by word, or deed, or thought. For Thou alone art without sin, and Thy righteousness is to all eternity, and Thy word is truth. For Thou art the Resurrection, and the Life, and the Repose of Thy departed servant(s) (name-s of the deceased). O Christ our God, and unto Thee we ascribe glory, together with Thy Father, Who is from everlasting, and Thine All-Holy, and Good and Life-Giving Spirit, now and ever, and unto ages of ages.

Amen

God alone stands ready to judge each of us for our thoughts, words, and deeds, because only He knows what is in our hearts. Forgiving your father will be the greatest gift you can ever give yourself, and the best example you could ever set for your sons.

May his memory be eternal. May our Great God and Savior grant him eternal rest and may His Faithful Servant Vicki and her sons find peace and understanding in this time of their loss.

[Vicki]

Really looking forward to what you've been doing. Noticed you're not around much, but then you'd suddenly post a couple times and knew you were okay. Thank goodness.

There are probably a number of us that try not to worry (but do) when the Vickie channel goes mostly silent.

Sounds like it's been pretty ok so far.

Hansa, you are such a sweet friend. I have been pulled in many directions lately and I really don't need another thing to do but I feel like it's my calling somehow. God doesn't close one door but to open another seems to be the mantra for me right now. I have a craft show coming up next saturday that I have gone a bit crazy getting ready for it. I have a a good amount of merchandise now so I might look like I know what I'm doing. I'm trying to help people help themselves. To me always a good venture. I've wanted to share some of my projects with all of you since I started doing them again but honestly, the time gets away from me and I have been struggling with certain things like my camera. I let my youngest son borrow it so he could do a couple of youtube video's of himself performing and now I get constant error messages on it. Reformatting doesn't seem to help. This is not good because I'm going to need it to display my crafts. It's always something. Don't worry, I'll never leave you hanging. That's a promise! Besides that, there hasn't been any real good alternative news as of just lately. That's my thing as you well know. I appreciate you.

Blessings to ya!
Vicki

[Vicki]

Vicki, please accept my sincere and humble condoldences on the passing of your father. I was moved to bring you this from the Divine Liturgy of St. John Crystosom. The part below is inserted into the Liturgy when it is held as part of what you would call a funeral:

O God of spirits, and of all flesh, Who hast trampled down death by death, and overthrown the Devil, and hast bestowed life upon Thy world: do Thou Thyself, O Lord, grant rest to the soul(s) of Thy departed servant(s), (name-s of the deceased), in a place of brightness, a place of verdure, a place of repose, whence all sickness, sorrow and sighing have fled away. As the gracious God, Who lovest mankind, pardon every transgression which he (or she or they) has (or have) committed, whether by word, or deed, or thought. For Thou alone art without sin, and Thy righteousness is to all eternity, and Thy word is truth. For Thou art the Resurrection, and the Life, and the Repose of Thy departed servant(s) (name-s of the deceased). O Christ our God, and unto Thee we ascribe glory, together with Thy Father, Who is from everlasting, and Thine All-Holy, and Good and Life-Giving Spirit, now and ever, and unto ages of ages.

Amen

God alone stands ready to judge each of us for our thoughts, words, and deeds, because only He knows what is in our hearts. Forgiving your father will be the greatest gift you can ever give yourself, and the best example you could ever set for your sons.

May his memory be eternal. May our Great God and Savior grant him eternal rest and may His Faithful Servant Vicki and her sons find peace and understanding in this time of their loss.

That was beautiful Topusaret. I'll save it and thank you for posting it for me.

Blessings to you'
Vicki

[Ender]

Sorry Vicki-

Blessings and Prayers sent to you and yours,

Peace & Love,

Ender

[Vicki]

I will pray for him and for you to release the anger at your father.

I was angry at my father for a long time. I gave it up to God and became even closer to him now. He is going to be 89 this summer. Still going strong but I know God will call him home sooner or later. But I am so glad I gave up the anger I had for something he did a very long time ago. He's my Dad and I love him.

Wise Owl, you are blessed and it's awesome your Father is still going strong. God Bless him! I wish it was as simple as that but what my Dad did to me, to my kids, to my brothers was not a one time occurrance. It was throughout our lives. It was an ongoing thing that ripped my family apart. My youngest brother wouldn't speak or have anything to do with my dad for over 20 years. It was close to that for my other brother as well. My brothers turned against me for many years because I kept saying he's still our Father and I love him no matter what and I tried and tried and tried. It was me who finally got my brother and Dad to speak once again and then my Dad turned on me again. it went on and on. The last time I finally gave up and that was many years ago now. I have felt peace ever since. I had forgiven him or so I thought until today. That's when the anger surfaced because time was up. He never apologized or well.. it's water over the damn now. It doesn't matter anymore. Now we can all heal. All of us. My kids never spent a day with their Grandfather. They wanted to. He didn't. It's very heartbreaking. It's hard to love someone who doesn't love themself.

Thanks for your prayers, it means alot.

[silent watcher]

Prayers said for you and your family. As for your going to the funeral or not that has to be your choice but remember the funeral is for the living not the dead. There are others such as your brother who could use your support as they grieve too.

[Countrymouse]

Oh Vicki---so sorry, and you and your Dad are in my thoughts and prayers. May you both have peace.

eta:

I've had time to read (scan) over the thread a bit, and if the following comforts, take it for what it's worth, and if it doesn't, let it go; here goes:

My own daddy and I were very close, and I lost him to a sudden illness when I was 18, one month after my high school graduation. Needless to say I was devastated, not only at losing him, but at being left now without the "shield" of his love between me and my mother, with whom I had never been really close (and especially as I had not with Daddy). So many things she said and did made no sense---so many things were hurtful----so many built-up hurts drove knives into my heart until it seemed all scars and case-hardened against further hurt. I could list all the things she said and did, but it doesn't matter now. As she was in the final stages of the cancer that took her life (the year before my oldest son was born), some of the family and lifelong friends began opening up to me--and telling me things that I had never known. I had not realized the "past history" that had made my Mother what she was--and as I began to learn about it, understanding came down on me like an avalanche: "So THAT'S why she acted this way or that way!" I wish she had been able to TELL me these things herself---it would have made SUCH a HUGE difference in our relationship---I would have been able to be so much more patient with her outbursts of senseless anger or her inability to ever express pride in me or love for me---WHY didn't she TELL me? But then I realized that her outward "facade" was just that---a facade--and if she once lowered those walls to show her vulnerability she would have crumbled under the weight of her own past hurts like a brittle leaf. In a way, I admired her for it---I am a "heart on my sleeve" type of person, and if I had HAD to try to carry all the burdens, hurts, problems, broken dreams, etc. of MY life, and never told a soul, never breathed a word of it---well, I just couldn't have done it and carried on with everyday life and duties, as she did. So I had to admire her for the strength that she had to be able to carry her burden all alone---even while mourning the tragedy that she DID carry it all alone and so isolated herself from me and prevented me understanding the "triggers" that were making her act toward me the way she did---so that I didn't even really KNOW my mother until after she was gone.

One book, though, that HELPED me amazingly in dealing with my mother while she was alive was Joyce Landorf's Irregular People. The title is based on a line from the book and movie "Summer of My German Soldier", in which Patti, a girl in a small southern town has a terribly emotionally abusive father and a distant, detached mother---and she grows up wondering what is wrong with her and why her father cannot be pleased, cannot seem to accept her, cannot seem to love her. At the end of the movie, her father shreds her soul with the full force of his rejection of her and his hatred of her. She runs for comfort to the old negro cook of the family, who calms and comforts her, and then explains, "Honey, when I see something at the store marked 'irregular', I know I ain't gonna have to pay so much for it. Baby, you done got yourself some irregular folks, and there ain't nothing can be done about it. But you hold your head up high! You got person-pride from this moment on!"--and she goes on to tell Patti that she IS a valuable human being despite what her father says or thinks.

Joyce then goes on in the book talking about how many of us have in our lives our own "irregular" person--and how we can come to terms with that, learn to understand them, and learn to "let go" and be free to fully FORGIVE them. She shares many episodes with her own "irregular" person (whom she never identifies, but circumstantial evidence indicates it was her father). So many of these episodes were so like what I endured with my mother that I found this book to be totally comforting in finding someone who knew exactly what I was dealing with and didn't find it unbelievable that one's parents would say or do the kinds of things my mother had to me, and who shared practical ways of how to heal the emotional scars left by that, how to overcome the anger and hate, and how to finally let go and forgive. I'm still struggling with those last, but Vicki this book helped SO much.

So I recommend that to you, fwiw. I think you can still find it on Amazon, or maybe Abebooks--it's out of print now but you can find old copies still out there.

[Buckster]

Vicki.

Very sorry to hear of your loss.

Praying for you and your family. For healing and forgiveness.

[Fly Girl]

I am so very sorry. My prayers are with you.

[TheDoberman]

So sad for you. Praying you will find peace in this time.

[chickenrancher]

I'm so sorry Vicki. Even if the relationship was strained you still need to deal with the grief and what its. Praying for your whole family.

[blueridge]

Silent and unwritten prayers to & for all concerned

[Fisher]

Prayers said

[Straycat]

[Double_A]

Add my thoughts and prayers for your Dad and you and other family members who need some extra support at this time.

[energy_wave]

Vicki, sorry to hear about your dad and all you're going through right now. I lost mine when I was 12. It's effected me my whole life. I know you lost yours at an even younger age. You've got a story to tell. I already know it, but maybe you might be relieved getting it off your chest and out in the open. Let others know just what you and your family went through all these years. Maybe it's time. A cycle has just ended. You know what I mean? Clear the air and get a fresh start.

[Kaydee]

I'll pray for your Dad and keep you in prayers as well.

Do something for yourself. Even if only a long hot bath with candles and music, take the time and do it. Hugs.

[Normallguy]

Prayers said for you and your family.

[almost ready]

I'm joining the prayer warriors tonight on your behalf, Vicki - that you find peace and acceptance that this relationship in its current form has ended and you can move on, as has your Dad, to better things.

There were lessons learned and experience that hardened you to survive the many ups and downs of life that sprang out of this, hard as it seems now.

Some of us are survivors, Vicki, don't know why but here we are and we shall stand together and hold hands and witness what we have survived together. Now find your peaceful center and go have a great time at that craft fair.

Love you and what you bring into this world.

AR

[SuElPo]

Vicki, I have been reading many good thoughts and prayers for you and your precious family. You will have times when you think you are feeling better just to have it hit you out of the blue. I had my dear mom pass away March 13 of this year. It's mother's day, and the first one without her. It is so hard. Would you say a prayer for me? Thank you. I want so bad to hear one word from my mom, even a whisper or a touch. I always thought when the day come I would be at one of my parents funeral, I wouldn't want to touch them to remember them that way. It wasn't like that. I kept hugging and kissing my mom in her casket. I wish I could even do that right now. I know where my mom is, but I miss her anyway so so bad. My mother was a kind, loving, fine lady, but she grew up poor with her mom raising her and many other kids. Her father left them all to fend for themselves when she was barely 13. She knew how hard her mother, my grandma had it after he just up and left them. My mother grew up so shy, because teachers would judge them all by her dad. My mother forgave her dad for leaving them all after she became a christian, and I don't mean religious, but a real christian who loved and did it for Christ. My dad told me once that we are the only bible some people will see. When Jesus was being crucified, he said forgive them father for they know not what they do. Jesus said we were not to judge or we would be judged with the same judgment we used against the ones we judged. I can say this to you, because I have struggled with that many times. We are all on this journey, filled with times of good feelings, and times of pain. Only later when we stand before God will we be able to connect the dots, and make sense of all this. I prayed for you, and will, and God knows me and my family need it too. We all do daily. You take care, and you and your precious kids hang in there. My son always says, mom the reason we hang in there is to see what's going to happen next. I know, he is silly, but he is the joy in my life, along with Jesus, and my precious husband. I am divorced from my son's dad after 27 years of marriage. (a whole other story) I didn't mean to go on like this, but it just seemed to come out. Forgive me if I have said anything out of line. I don't mean too.

susan

[knepper]

Sorry for your loss, Vicki. I still think you should go to the funeral, even if your siblings don't. God be with you, either way.

[smokin]

Sorry to hear of your loss. You and your family will be in my thoughts today. May time ease the pain. Smokin'

[Dux]

Prayers for your comfort, and God's mercies for your dad.

Sorry for your loss, loss of the father you wanted. I went and even spoke at my mother's funeral. After thinking about it, I did find some good things to say about her.

[Doc1]

Vicki,

I would strongly advise to to go to the funeral. You will feel better for it...if not now then later. Prayers sent.

Best regards
Doc

[bamma]

Sorry to read this. Prayers for peace and comfort.
My dad passed away in 1989. He had stopped communicating with the
family a few years before that. A cousin called to let me know he was
sick and then in the same breath said "I think he died". I finally got the truth
from her that his funeral was the day she called. I would have gone to see
him had I known he was so sick, but no one let me know. Going to your dad's funeral might bring about closure.

[TerryK]

Sorry Vicki
Prayers for you, your sons and your father.

Please go to the funeral. Years from now you will be glad you did.
It will bring a sense of closure, I promise.
It did for me, in the same situation.

[GenErik]

Prayers sent for both of you.

[blueberry]

I am so sorry. Prayers said.

[_dd]

I am truly sorry for your loss. Praying for you and your family.

[old pirate]

don't ever be afraid to ask for prayers, especially for those that have passed.

i will include your dad in mine

[Deanne]

Prayers for you.

[cheesesteaks]

May Our Lord bless your Dad with eternal peace and healing for you.

[FireDance]

Prayers for you all Vicki. (sending love and light also)

I think you should go to the funeral also. I'm not quite sure why I think that; just ye olde "gut." My prayers go with you whatever you decide.

[Vicki]

Well I think I released a river last evening and well into the morning hours but today is bright and sunny and all seems peaceful. I told both my brothers today that we will attend the funeral right along side them if they intend on going. They both agreed they'd let me know in the next day or so and I'm good with that. I had wonderful company today and both my sons are cooking on the grill for us right now. It's the first real moment I've had to come online. Thank you all for the support and kind words and boy did it make a difference. I watched a few video's this moning on the five stages of grieving and realized that I had been through them all already except the anger part. I had suppressed that for a long time. It was released and now we are going to heal properly. What an ordeal.

Energy Wave is right in I have quite a story to tell and I'm saving all of it for a book I will write someday when my body breaks down from all the physical labor I do now. And Countrymouse gave a pretty familiar story to the book she read. I can so relate to that and I may look for that sometime. I thank you. Overall you are all the best family anyone could ever ask for and I'm stronger now then I was before. My armor has been layed on my back layer by layer and it's going to take a whole lot to take me down. Such is life.

Now let's get back to living and uncovering the news and attending the gardens and do what we are suppose to do to help each other k!

Love to you all!
Vicki

[Michigan Majik]

I'm sorry for your loss Vicki.

[Rastech]

God Bless and Comfort You and Yours Vicki.

[eXe]

Prayers on the way Vicki. Sorry to hear the news.

[Cardinal]

Prayers and peace Vicki.

[Maranatha]

Dear Vicki, so sorry about the loss of your Dad. Prayers that you can completely purge the anger you have held within you so long. You will feel a great weight lifted from you and the Lord will bless you. May His peace that passes all understanding fill you and give you strength.

MARANATHA!