I'm wondering more about who these folks are and what's going to happen to them...the genius who foresaw disaster? Will he be a leader in rebuilding?
I'm up to chapter 4 so far. This is cool
CFI, great story! I am anxiously awating another chapter!
"As the Court has explained in several cases [ie Santa Fe Indep. Sch. Dist. v. Doe (2000) and Board of Educ. v. Mergens (1990)], 'there is a crucial difference between government speech endorsing religion, which the Establishment Clause forbids, and private speech endorsing religion, which the Free Speech and Free Exercise Clauses protect.'"
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bump
C'mon CfI........ Give us a fix!
Great story CFI - Hope you're still scribbling away there!
Knight of Jerusalem
sorry folks, i've been dry for a while and it shows no sign of ending. i give it a try almost every day but usually i'm unable to get anything of value to come out. i do appreciate all the interest however, and the fact that so many appreciate my poor attempt at writing (especially when compared to true masters here like tsherry or AThagan). and i want to assure you that i DO read and cherish every comment.
thank you all.
"Peace is that brief, glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading."-Thomas Jefferson
While I am sorry you are having a problem putting anything down on paper and that you have been down in the dumps lately, I don't understand your comment "My poor attempt at writing ". Your stories are everybit as good as theirs. I understand you don't see it the way we do but please know we ( I guess I should speak for my self here) are a most appreciative audience. You have no idea how many hours of pleasure you have given me. Reading that is , yea that's it reading.
CFI, do not consider your talent as less than any others. You have given something very absorbing and enjoyable to all your readers. I enjoyed your story immensly, and I will forgive you not finishing, for I know that sometimes we paint ourselves into a corner, and reach a point where we are stymied. I understand, but, you have to believe in yourself, and your godgiven ability, because it is very apparent to me and others, and it is abundant. Thank you so much for the pleasure you have provided.
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Knight of Jerusalem
thank you both.
i have painted myself into a corner so to speak, the whole point of this was to reinforce the idea of following God's will for our lives, and i've gotten away from that. i have considered chopping everything off from the nuke forward and just ending it there, but that seems unfair to everyone who's followed it this far.
as soon as the Lord shows me how to get back on track i'll add some more chapters.
"Peace is that brief, glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading."-Thomas Jefferson
Follow this up. it could be key!the whole point of this was to reinforce the idea of following God's will for our lives, and i've gotten away from that
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CFI-
Don't you DARE belittle your talent!! Your book is great!!
Some ideas-
Maybe you could break the story into two. One for the people in the underground shelter and one for the people in town. The people in town story could go into the history of what they experienced under the "bad female leader" and their getting away, then what you have already and continue on. The other story about the people in the underground shelter deserves its own story and they seem to have gotten lost or given up on. They can have tie ins between the stories, sort of like a TV show where a person from one show visits the other show!
You could also pick up a tape recorder and start talking the story through...like you are telling it. Maybe that will help you get through this writer's block. It works for me and gives me some ideas and a lot of excitement about the writing. Try it! It might work!!
But remember, you have two different stories going on this one. Sometimes it's hard to go back and forth between them. If you want to keep them together in one book, you might want to separate them, work through and finish them, and then put them back together in some order (like chronological or whatever).
Good luck!
And bring us some more soon!! You've got a great story here!
Sammy
Edited to add: Of course you need to follow what God wants you to write. But sometimes we are listening for a stong voice from God and we fail to hear His small voice as He speaks through someone or something else. Relax...don't try so hard...be still and you will hear Him when He speaks!!
Knight of Jerusalem
thanks sammy.
that's what i am doing now, waiting patiently and listening.Relax...don't try so hard...be still and you will hear Him when He speaks!!
"Peace is that brief, glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading."-Thomas Jefferson
CFI
Wow, great storIES!
I certainly agree you need to tell them as different stories.
"We have blown our chance: Instead of going into outerspace we have ventured into cyberspace" (c)2000 Ofuzzy1
The fine print: Quoted items are used under the Fair Use Act for educational purposes. In other words: In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, this material is distributed without profit to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes.
CFI,
I really loved the story and look forward to more.
Some minor quirks:
wrt the fire truck and water from the swimming pool.
The pool was green with algae and covered with a sheet of ice. Breaking through and dropping the hose into it, they turned on the pump and soon had the tank full.
If the water was full of algae, they would not be able to take clean showers and do the laundry without super chlorinating and wait a few days for the chlorine to burn off the algae. Trust me I knowThey should have copious amounts of chlorine in the store.
===
Awkward / run-on sentence alerts
Just as his head appeared above the rear of the Hummer Rod, who’d been watching that area, fired a shot, the bullet penetrating the bridge of Ricky’s nose and continuing on through his brain to explode out the back of his skull.
How about:
Rod was watching the back of the Hummer and fired a shot. The bullet finding its mark penetrated the bridge of Ricky’s nose and continued on through his brain to explode out the back of his skull.
But the idea of delivering healthy babies weighed heavily on Rod, as he was in nominal charge of the group and felt responsible to make sure everything turned out ok for them.
How about:
But the idea of delivering healthy babies weighed heavily on Rod. Since he was in nominally charge of the group and felt responsible to make sure everything turned out ok for them.
"We have blown our chance: Instead of going into outerspace we have ventured into cyberspace" (c)2000 Ofuzzy1
The fine print: Quoted items are used under the Fair Use Act for educational purposes. In other words: In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, this material is distributed without profit to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes.
CFI - I have to say, I just recently started reading this story and... you have incredible talent. I hope your creative juices get going really soon because waiting is awfully hard!!!!!
I'd keep going in the manner you HAVE been going... don't worry about re-writes for now. Blending the groups in some manner would be good. I know I live and prepare in ways the Spirit leads. Maybe more of this with the characters is in order... how God guides and directs us through the Holy Spirit. Feeling 'danger' about something, feeling a directive to plant fruit trees, bushes and vines, to raise goats and cows for dairy products, feeling the need to pray for someone but not knowing why...
I hope this helps. Anxiouslly awaiting your story.
Knight of Jerusalem
it's appreciated shep, but the talent came from God and i haven't been able to even hold a candle to it on my own. whenever He is willing for me to continue, i will.
"Peace is that brief, glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading."-Thomas Jefferson
Just an idea...you could now do an epilogue with a flashback of how the two groups interacted, and how things are now.
Great story, and good grammar on your part. I wouldn't change a thing, speaking from a teacher's standpoint. I didn't find the sentences to be excessively long, and I wouldn't reduce them down, because they would become choppy fragments.
Your sister in Christ,
Lisa
Knight of Jerusalem
sis, i wasn't referring to chopping the sentences, but to removing everything from chapter 35 0n and simply ending it there. i haven't gotten confirmation on what to do with it though, and am waiting to hear from the Lord about it.speaking from a teacher's standpoint. I didn't find the sentences to be excessively long, and I wouldn't reduce them down, because they would become choppy fragments.
i would like to go back and rewrite the first ten chapters and fill them out a bunch, but that also must wait until i get direction.
"Peace is that brief, glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading."-Thomas Jefferson
I started reading this a long time ago and never finished the first page. I just started over and finished the first page and I just wanted to say thanks for writing this and even more thanks for putting it where others can read and enjoy it.
I like how things change and grow on the first page and overall I just have to say it is a story I like enough that I will most likely read all that is written so far over the rest of the weekend.
Has No Life - Lives on TB
please continue the story soon. this is a great story, filled with wonderful ideas. I just can't get enough of it. thanks for sharing your talents with us.
Knight of Jerusalem
i wish i could mom, but the ideas just aren't there.
"Peace is that brief, glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading."-Thomas Jefferson
do you mean we get to help add to the story?
huh, huh, do we, do we????
"We have blown our chance: Instead of going into outerspace we have ventured into cyberspace" (c)2000 Ofuzzy1
The fine print: Quoted items are used under the Fair Use Act for educational purposes. In other words: In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, this material is distributed without profit to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes.
Knight of Jerusalem
sure, go ahead. but i can't promise that i'll be able to work with what you suggest. i'd really like to be able to finish it, but just adding anything in order to keep it going won't work. i will however seriously consider any suggestions you all make.
"Peace is that brief, glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading."-Thomas Jefferson
Kewl!
Okay, so you've split the story into a 2 part trilogy
We're at this point:
Rodney is setting up the town ?Little Falls? -- re-read at 1am.
Heather is running the Contact Operation
Folks all over will need help and certainly medical help.
Modern 'Stuff' is reaching the end of usefulness. Dry Rot and No more Gas.
Rod agrees to the contact.
Jack continues the 'Correct Plan' of contact and help.
More communites form trade routes.
They find college town with med students and older proffessor Med Doctors and Vets, they need to relocate because the engineering school's nuke reactor was left on and they can't make the parts to keep it working, it is slowly over heating. Hookey, but fun. University of Florida, Gainesville.
They meet up with ATHaggin
The communities start farming and apprentincing.
A comprehensive list of items is made, and barter continues grow.
more later.
Thanks.
"We have blown our chance: Instead of going into outerspace we have ventured into cyberspace" (c)2000 Ofuzzy1
The fine print: Quoted items are used under the Fair Use Act for educational purposes. In other words: In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, this material is distributed without profit to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes.
CFI, Thank you for your story. I really appreciate its grounding in Christian values.
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